Chapter Text
Lan Xichen is fading, dying a slow death. He knows it. He accepted his fate. In fact, he has been fading for a long time. He began feeling it in that wretched temple. He felt weary, sucked dry. Life had lost it's awe.
The death of his sworn brothers still felt like an open wound, even though two long years have passed. He still doesn't like to think about that night. It did good for his brother in the end, but to him it brought the pain. He knows he will never leave the room of his seclusion alive. It is his family's fate, it seems.
In the darkness, he hears the voices whisper. “Just like your father” they hiss. “Failure”, others agree. He actually heard people say them to his face, which makes it more real. Lan Qiren had often accused him of being like his father, unable to face the world and the consequences.
His uncle has not visited for weeks now. Lan Wangji has been absent too. Only the servants still come near his quarters to deliver food. It tastes like ash. Lan Xichen isn't hungry anymore.
- - -
“I worry about Xichen”, Wei Wuxian says. They are on their way back from their impromptu three week long emergency meeting in Lanling. The matter had not been trivial, but been dealt with. A Waterborne Abyss had appeared in a sea near Lanling and it had taken a bunch of strong cultivators to get rid of it.
“Hmm”, Lan Wangji agrees. Wei Wuxian sees the worry in his eyes and posture. They hadn't been able to say goodbye to Xichen, so urgent had been the summons.
“I fear he thinks we abandoned him.”
“...” A shudder runs through Lan Wangji's body, the former Yiling Patriarch can feel it, for they are riding together on Bichen. Wei Ying's golden core was still too weak to ride the whole way on his own. After a few hours, he had been forced to accept his husbands offer of help.
“I fear he is dying”, Lan Wangji finally whispers. “His core is as strong as it's always been, but body is wasting away. The last time I visited, he barely left the bed.”
For Wangji, this is quite the long speech. Wei Ying just hugs his husband tighter. He cares so much and the words show just how deeply he worries. “I fear loosing him.”
“I do not know how to help him”, Wangji says. His words nearly drown in the wind rushing past their ears.
In the evening they make a stop in a small town. Lying together in bed, the former conversation comes up again.
“My care doesn't help him”, Wangji says. Wei Wuxian nows what his husband is implying. Once, Lan Xichen had been the one giving his husband strength in the darkest of times, but now Wangji is unable to do the same for his brother.
“And me he still doesn't trust. That's apparently what one gets for having a dark past”, Wei Ying laughs.
Immediatly, Wangji shushes him with a kiss. He still doesn't like how self deprecating his love can be.
“I hope he is still alive when we arrive back at the Cloud Recesses.” Wangji shudders again at Wei Wuxian's words. “It did not like leaving him like that, but it was one life against many. Oh how I hate to make those decisions.
- - -
In his small room, Lan Xichen blows out the candle and lays himself to sleep again. He feels so weak and a part of him is disgusted about it, but the rest is just resignation. He has to endure the consequences of his mistakes to the end of his days.