Work Text:
Robert has been at work for fifteen hours. All his coworkers are gone and the cleaning staff are at the office vacuuming and emptying the rubbish bins. It’s a usual sight for the cleaning staff to see Robert burning the midnight oil.
There’s an itch underneath his skin begging to be satisfied. He knows what will satisfy the itch, but instead he decides to work himself until he’s too tired to even stand. It’s cyclic, this craving, and the overwork he undergoes to try to squash it.
Robert is typing up a status report on one of his projects when he receives an email from Jack. With no subject line on the email, Robert swallows nervously as he clicks on it.
Go home. I’m not paying you overtime. Jack Sugden.
It's impersonal as Robert expects it to be. And not unlike the previous emails Jack has sent before when Robert works late. But it stings all the same. He looks up and sees one of the cleaners look away from him. Robert knows Jack makes them keep tabs on Robert so he can send Robert packing on the nights he works late. It’s not as effective as Jack thinks it is considering the cleaners only come twice a week. But it’s still two nights Robert has to leave earlier than he wants to.
He doesn’t begrudge the cleaners snitching on him. They’re just doing their job. Just like he was trying to do his own. Without a word to them, he picks up his messenger bag and walks to the elevator lobby. He punches the down button and waits for the carriage to get to his floor. The entire building belongs to Jack Sugden and the company Sugden Enterprises. Sugden Enterprises is a multi-million pound software company dealing with farming solutions. Jack founded the company years ago as a simple agricultural consulting company. But as technology began to rapidly grow, the consulting grew into the large company that it is today.
When the elevator gets to the garage, Robert is greeted by his white Audi. It’s the only car parked in the garage, as it normally is, since Robert is always the last one to leave the building. When he turns on the car - the low hum of the engine purring to life - Robert taps at his steering wheel, contemplating. He doesn’t want to go home. His flat is furnished with the most expensive furniture and decor that money can buy, but it’s a soulless flat. He rarely spends time there, choosing to be at work instead. Being at home is a reminder of the solitary life that has followed him the past thirty years.
Loneliness seems to be the only thing that sticks around in Robert’s life. Sometimes, he’ll seek out pleasure and companionship, but it seems to wither within a few weeks as Robert devotes so much of his time to working. Working has become like an addiction to Robert, always trying to be the best and do the best to make Jack proud, it’s why it always stings when Jack sends him home in an impersonal email. Like he’s still a child, being scolded for doing something wrong. And much like a child, Robert decides to rebel by giving in to the itch that has been simmering under his skin for weeks now. Changing the gears of his car, he peels out of the garage and away from Sugden Enterprises.
He drives to one of the seediest places in the city. The kind of area where you find needles on the floor of the restrooms. Where you have to watch your back in case of pickpockets or muggers. Where someone who is dressed how Robert is dressed should never go. Robert had gone down this area for the first time over a year ago. After the first time, he swore he’d never come back. But he has, time and time again. There’s a gay bar in the area, and while there are plenty of gay bars to choose from in better parts of the city, Robert only comes here. It’s seedy and vile, and exactly how Robert feels whenever he breaks down and craves a man’s touch.
The Audi sticks out like a sore thumb as he slowly drives down the street, looking for parking. Robert sees a few bypassers staring openly at his car, but Robert pays them no mind. He knows it’s the flashiest car in the area, and with it, comes top of the line car security. Still, Robert does make sure to put his steering wheel lock before stepping out.
The sign outside the pub is neon and flickering and once Robert steps inside, its interior is in a similar state of unkemptness. There are old dusty booths and mismatched table tops that might be considered charming to some, but just serves as a reminder to Robert of the unstately part of town he’s in. A few men give Robert appreciative glances as he walks to the bar that makes his heart rate spike.
When he finally attracts the attention of the bartender, Robert orders a pint of a simple ale. There’s a man a few seats down that Robert had immediately noticed when he first entered the bar, but instead of approaching him, Robert elects to ignore him. Try as he might to keep his gaze away from the other man, though, Robert’s eyes inevitably wanders.
Hair dusts the knuckles of this man, making Robert crave and recoil at the same time. There is something so very masculine about the man. He looks away, skin feeling tight. Throughout the night, Robert sneaks glances over to the man. He’s alone, nursing an empty pint of beer. The man is well fit, Robert decides as he glances at the man for the countless time that night. Stubble dotting his chin and neck, a haircut that shouldn’t work for Robert but does, and a pair of beautifully blue eyes that seem to glow in the low lighting of the pub. Robert hates himself for noticing such things and describing it in such a way. But the man’s appearance is not anything like he has seen before and he can’t help his sneaking looks. The silver lining to Robert’s lingering looks is that the man seems to be oblivious to them.
That is, until the man stands up with his more than empty pint and walks to Robert. “Are you going to say anything or are ya just gonna stare all night?” The man asks. There’s a flirtatious edge to his voice that Robert can’t help but think it’s not a tone he uses often. Still, it makes Robert feel a little uncomfortable.
“I’m not here to make idle chit chat.” Robert counters, hackles raised. In the few times when Robert breaks down and comes into this pub, he rarely talks to other blokes. Usually, he’ll catch the eye of another bloke who is game, and they meet in the stalls and fuck. Then he leaves without another word or backwards glance. This man trying to start a conversation, no matter how harmless it may be, is not something Robert is used to.
“Fine with me. I’ve never been big on the chat.” The man replies, there’s something underlying in his tone, changed from the attempted flirtiness from before. He drains the rest of his pint and leans closer towards Robert. Robert’s not sure what he wanted this man to do, but him ordering another pint of beer was not it. “Want one?” He offers, and just like that, Robert has a silent drinking companion.
As the night progresses and the number of pints goes up, the alcohol loosens any prior inhibitions that Robert had when the man first approached him. Robert doesn’t ask for the man’s name and neither does the man ask for Robert’s. It’s clear to both of them the intentions of the night, making Robert feel a little more relaxed than before. A few times after fucking men in the stalls, some men have tried to talk to Robert as if they want something more than a one off in the bogs. Not this man, he’s very obvious in his want by the full body stares he keeps giving Robert.
Their drinking consists of long drawn out silences but heavy with physical contact. The man reaches over Robert when he pays his tab, his thigh pressing against Robert’s. Robert’s immediate reaction is to try to jerk away, but something has been simmering ever since the man came over. So he allows for the harmless physical touches, and the looks they give each other become heated as the night goes on.
Finally breaking free from his earlier trepidation, Robert places a hand on the man’s thigh. The man’s eyes grow darker, making Robert momentarily feel regretful if only because the shade of the man’s eyes are stunning. But the regret is quickly forgotten by the time the man leans into Robert’s space, his breathing quietly audible juxtaposing the loudness of the pub.
If Robert rarely talks to the men he usually fucks, then he most definitely never kisses any of them. This man seems to be an exception to every rule Robert has made since he first stepped into this pub. But he doesn’t care, because in this moment, all the self-loathing Robert has about this part of himself, dissipates under the intensity of this stranger’s gaze. Robert tilts his head down towards the man as their lips press together for the first time. Something eases inside Robert as he stands up from the barstool and pulls the man up with him as he deepens the kiss.
When they pull away, the man’s pupils have been blown wide, and Robert is sure he are in a similar state. The man leans in again, but instead of kissing Robert again, his lips move against Robert’s ear as he whispers, “My flat is very close by.”
Not needing any further encouragement, they both settle their tabs and are out the door in a matter of minutes. The sexual tension between the pair of them grows as the man leads them to their destination. The man’s flat is across the street from the bar. Robert spares a quick glance to make sure his Audi is still there. It still sits in the same place Robert has parked it, and he lets everything go as he follows the stranger to his flat. They climb the stairs to his flat, the building so old and rundown that it doesn’t even have an elevator. Everything about this building is disgusting and derelicted.
Robert crowds behind the man as man fumbles for his keys to open the front door. When the man finally gets the front door open, he pulls Robert in and kisses him. Robert immediately kisses back, fingers going to the back of the man’s head and pulls at the short hairs there. The man’s hands wander down Robert’s body and settle at his waist. He pulls at Robert’s hips closer to him, and Robert can feel the man’s half hard erection against Robert’s thigh. It makes Robert groan into the kiss, allowing the man to dip his tongue into Robert’s mouth.
Even though Robert has never gone home with another man before, he acts on desire and lust and pushes the man into the flat, into what he expects to be the bedroom. The flat is tiny and it doesn’t take much to guess where the bedroom is located. If this was any other case, Robert would be disgusted at the state of this flat, but Robert isn’t here to judge or look at the decor of the flat. The man lets Robert push him into the bedroom, eager as Robert.
They race to the bed as quickly as they can while trying to discard their clothing. The man eagerly pulls out Robert’s neatly tucked shirt out from the trousers and makes quick work of the buttons. Robert, in turn, tries to pull the shirt off the man, before he gently grabs Robert’s wrists and squeezes them in a warning manner. “Shirt stays on,” He says seriously, to which Robert simply shrugs and instead goes for the button of the man’s trousers, and pulls off it without ceremony, leaving the man only in his briefs.
Robert’s shirt is finally unbuttoned and the man smooths Robert’s shoulders to take the shirt off, then pulls Robert into another searing kiss. Robert feels as though he cannot get enough of this man and presses closer to him as if to imprint himself onto the man. The man pulls back and takes a moment to look at Robert’s naked torso; he once again smooths his hands against Robert’s body, but then softly pushes at his chest so Robert can land on the bed.
Instead of following Robert to the bed, the man drops to his knees and starts to undo the belt buckle and slides Robert’s trousers down his thighs and off his legs. Anticipation simmers in Robert’s blood, but throws an arm over his eyes in shame. The man teases softly at the waistband of Robert’s pants - light feathered kisses around Robert’s stomach, before sliding the last garment down.
A moment passes without the man doing anything, so Robert uncovers his arm to look at him. It seems he’d been waiting for Robert to look at him, because once their eyes meet, the man, without breaking eye contact, swallows Robert. Robert feels as though he’s forgotten how to breath, and groans softly as the man continues his task.
Robert moves his hands to rest his fingers at the shaved part of the base of the man’s head, the little hairs tickling against his fingers. Robert can feel his climax building with both the sensation of the man’s mouth and the noises the man’s making. The man moans against Robert’s cock, and without warning, releases Robert and crawls up Robert’s body. Before Robert can miss the loss of the man’s mouth, he pulls down his pants, coats his fingers and cock with lube, and rubs his own cock against Robert’s.
They both begin thrusting against each other, chasing their pleasure. Hot liquid coils in Robert’s stomach, never feeling something like this before. It’s intoxicating and for a moment, Robert has forgotten all the shame he’s felt about his desires. Their thrusts are erratic, and when the man reaches to take hold of both their cocks, Robert comes. Robert lets out a deep moan and the man follows shortly after a few more thrusts. Robert feels the man’s come against his stomach, alongside his own.
The man rolls off Robert and walks away from the bed. When he comes back, he has a small washcloth that he uses to wipe both of them down. As Robert tries to catch his breath, he stares at the ceiling. There are water stains on the ceiling from a leak in the roof - a filthy place for the filthy act Robert just committed. He hears the other man breathing out heavily next to him and it hits Robert what he’s just done. Abruptly, he gets out of bed and starts to dress.
The man silently watches Robert dress, making no comment to try to get Robert to stay. There’s relief in the knowledge that the man knows that it’s just a one off. Once Robert is finished dressing, he pulls out his wallet, takes out a hundred pound note, and places it on the dresser.
“Hang on, what are you doing?” The man sits up when he sees Robert place the note down.
“For tonight.” Robert says. The man gets out of bed and tries to put his clothes to follow Robert. But he is quicker and ignores the man as he calls out to Robert. It makes Robert feel like he’s in control by paying the man. Like the sex was completely and utterly meaningless. And it was.
Robert leaves the bloke’s shithole of a flat without a second glance.
*
Robert is not gay, nor does he like sleeping with other men. They are just a means to an end: relief. He rarely indulges in his itch, it’s only when things become insurmountably unbearable that he indulges in the most shameful aspect of himself. But that doesn’t make him gay.
Robert has adhered to his plan since the moment he graduated from uni. Work for his father’s company, advance his position, one day take over Sugden Enterprises, and marry a beautiful successful woman that will make Jack proud. Sleeping with men is not part of the plan, but sometimes Robert can’t help but break down and give in to his desires.
After leaving the man’s flat, Robert drove home and fell into one of the deepest sleeps he’s had in a long time. One of the problems of working as hard and much as Robert does is the fact his sleeping patterns take a hit. Insomnia becomes a constant companion.
When he gets to work the next morning, he feels as if everyone is watching him. Like they know what he was up to the night before. It makes his skin crawl, a sort of walk of shame as he gets to his desk. Robert has never hated the office’s open layout more than this moment.
Jimmy, his desk mate, is openly staring at Robert when he sets his messenger bag across his chair. “What?” Robert bites out, feeling exposed. Jimmy holds his hands up as a sign of surrender.
“Nothin’. Just...you’re never here late. Always coming in hours before us commoners.” Jimmy points out, turning to his computer. Robert looks at his watch and sees it’s half past nine. He has never been to the office this late before. Suddenly all the looks make sense and his face burns up in shame. Without another word, he logs into his computer and gets his day started.
Robert works as the business operations manager to the logistics department. Despite the high title and being the son of the president of the company, Robert doesn’t have an office. Instead, he’s trapped in an open concept workplace and shares his space with Jimmy the buffoon. The only person who has an office in the company is of course, Jack Sugden. Who sits atop his mighty throne at the top floor of the building.
Later in the day, Jimmy invites Robert to lunch with a few other coworkers, like he does almost everyday, but he declines with a wave of his hand. He rarely takes the time to stop working and eat, rather wanting to spend that hour catching up on emails that may have piled up while he was attending other problems. He idly wonders when Jimmy will finally give up on the invitations, and whether that will be better or worse for Robert.
The silence in the office is a welcomed break as all the other employees leave to go on their lunch break. Robert, however, doesn’t get far in answering his emails before a figure looms over his desk. He scowls when he looks up and sees that the figure is just Andy.
His and Andy’s relationship has been torn and frayed for years but the final nail in the coffin was when Jack named Andy as vice president and future successor of Sugden Enterprises. It certainly threw a wrench in Robert’s life long plan, but since the announcement, Robert has been working harder and better at his job to prove Jack wrong. He knows it’s a fruitless pursuit, but it’s all he has and he clings to it like a dying man might cling to salvation.
Andy and Robert’s relationship is a byproduct of Jack’s favoritism and the pressure of working at Sugden Enterprises.
“What?” Robert finally snaps when Andy doesn’t say anything. Andy goes and sits in Jimmy’s vacated chair and picks up a report Robert had dropped on Jimmy’s desk earlier in the day. He flips through it for a few moments before he sighs and tosses it back on the desk.
“Vic is insisting we have a family dinner tonight.” Andy eventually says, making Robert internally groan. He had forgotten that Vic had sent him not so much a request but more of a demand of a text last night. Robert barely looked at it the night before; he had still been at work at the time.
Having a family dinner means having dinner with Jack. It means having to deal with Andy and Katie’s lovey dovey looks, Vic trying her best to referee the dinner, and Jack’s disappointment in Robert. Vic tries to get the family to have dinner at least once every few months. The last one ended with Jack and Robert shouting at each other and was well over three months ago.
“I can’t make it, got plans tonight.” Robert is saying before he has time to come up with the rest of his lie.
Andy starts laughing - full on guffawing, making Robert want to snap the pen he’s holding in half. “Since when do you have plans?” Andy finally manages to get out once he’s done laughing in Robert’s face.
It’s no secret that Robert is a workaholic. Even more, it’s no secret Robert has nothing else in his life besides work. The last time Robert brought a girl for the family to meet was Katie, and they all know how spectuarly bad that had failed. It’s been years since Robert has dated, or had a group of friends to occupy his time besides work. Still, Andy’s comment irks Robert more than he cares to admit.
“Just because I don’t give weekly updates to daddy dearest about my life doesn’t mean I don’t have one.” Robert sharply says. Unlike Robert, Andy and Jack have family dinners at Andy’s flat with Katie and Diane every Sunday. The paragon of a happy family affair. Another way for Jack to shut Robert out.
“Oh grow up, Robert.” Andy stands up from Jimmy’s desk, trying to be intimidating. But Robert hasn’t found Andy intimidating in years, and he’s sure as hell not about to. They stare at each other for a few moments before Andy sighs dramatically. “Fine. If you want to continue to push the only people who give a toss about you, be my guest.” He sweeps away from Robert’s desk before Robert has a chance to respond.
Andy’s words leave Robert fuming, as he watches him step out of the bullpen and into the elevator lobby. It’s been years since Andy has wound Robert up, but he still knows exactly what to say and how to say it to make Robert hurt. The Sugdens haven’t given a fuck about Robert in years, and yet Andy has the audacity to say what he did.
The only person who has unfailingly supported and loved Robert is Victoria. He knows he’s going to disappoint her by not showing up tonight, but he would rather put himself in a crusher than have to deal with anyone else in his family. No doubt Andy will try to fill poison into Vic’s ears, but the goodness of her heart will give Robert the benefit of the doubt. He wonders how many times Vic will be on his side before she finally agrees with what the rest of his family think of him.
Robert is still upset when Jimmy comes back after lunch with a smile and his usual ‘we missed you at lunch’ to Robert. Robert doesn’t so much as acknowledge the sentiment before he’s barking at Jimmy to get the report out to the logistics team. Sometimes Robert wonders why Jimmy is nice to him when he’s been nothing but rude to him. The day goes on without another disturbance from Andy or Jack, and Robert supposes he can count that as a small victory.
*
Guilt keeps Robert from going straight to his flat when work ends. He knows Vic doesn’t have cameras or some kind of sixth sense that would alert her to Robert going to his flat, but he would feel too guilty about lying to her if he did go home. Victoria had texted him earlier expressing sadness that Robert couldn’t make it tonight, but that the two of them would have to have dinner another time.
Instead of driving home, Robert drives around aimlessly for a while with today’s hits playing softly on the radio. He knows where he wants to go, but on the other side of the coin, the last thing he wants is to become a familiar face in that bar. Still, his self-control only lasts for a few minutes longer before he’s driving down that seedy lane again.
There are less people in the pub than the day before, but Robert immediately notices the man from yesterday is there as well. He’s sat in a corner booth with a few other blokes, and he doesn’t give Robert a look his way. It makes Robert feel slightly uncomfortable, sitting at the bar, and looking for another conquest for tonight. Robert throws a few glances towards the corner booth, but the man is engrossed with whoever the other people he is with.
Because of the smaller turnout than the night before, Robert sits at the bar unbothered and he orders himself a half pint. A few men catch his eye, but if Robert was being honest, he only has eyes for the corner booth. He never does repeats: it’s too messy and too emotionally attaching. But something about the night before and the man has made Robert crave something more .
When the man finally notices Robert, his smiling face drops as he gets up from the booth and marches over towards him. Robert's not sure what the man is going to do, but him slamming down a hundred pound note is not what he was expecting. "I ain't a prostitute. Keep your flamin' money to yourself." He says with venom in his voice. It almost sounds rehearsed, as if he had been waiting for Robert to show his face.
The man is about to sweep away back to his group, but Robert grabs his wrist. “Sorry I-” his voice catches. The man looks at their joined hands, face softening a little bit. He’s wearing coveralls with the sleeves tied around his waist, a black short sleeved shirt underneath. It’s a strange juxtaposition between the man’s clothing and Robert’s expensive clothing ensemble. But the difference is exhilarating.
"I'm not interested in closet cases." The man sighs, but does nothing to detach himself from Robert’s grip or leave. His words make Robert bristle, but he says nothing to deny it.
"What's your name?" Robert asks instead. The man chews on his lip, contemplating answering the question before sighing for a second time that evening.
"Aaron." He says, as if forcing out the word begrudgingly.
“I know I was rubbish last night...why don’t we start again? I’m Robert.” Robert offers. He can’t deny the fact that last night may have been the best sex he’s had in years. He’ll play nice if that means he could get a repeat of last night as long as this man is willing to humor Robert.
Aaron stares at Robert with disbelief on his face for a few moments. Just when Robert thinks he’s just going to leave, Aaron shrugs and sits down. “Suppose you can buy me a beer. You do have a hundred pounds to burn.”
“If you think I’m going to spend a hundred pounds here, you’re crazy.” Robert says lightly, feeling a surge of confidence.
“Why? Don’t think tonight is gonna be worth a hundred quid again, mate?” Aaron’s voice drops suggestively, making Robert laugh. The implication of Aaron’s words fills Robert with want, but he casts it aside for now and lets wherever this night takes them.
It ends with them in Aaron’s flat again, top notch orgasms behind them. And it’s how their relationship largely begins.
*
It’s also how it continues. It happens again. And again. Until it’s not so much a surprise to either one of them, but an expectation. Robert will walk into the bar, and Aaron finishes his pint and walks out with Robert following without a word spoken to one another. They go up Aaron’s shitty flat, and they fuck.
Sometimes, Robert leaves immediately, feeling disgusted and ashamed of himself. Other times, he’ll fall asleep to Aaron’s heavy breathing. Usually, when Robert falls asleep, he’ll wake up in the middle of the night and leave Aaron’s flat before the morning sun is up.
Robert tends to stay away for the most part - his work drive still as high as ever. But the usual seventy-five hour weeks have started to dwindle to a more reasonable amount of time at work in favor of seeking pleasure with Aaron. It’s not often they meet up, but it’s certainly something more than casual fucking.
They talk sometimes, when the shame isn’t too palpable. Robert learns that Aaron is a mechanic by trade, but that his real passion is animals. His stepfather is a vet and has been encouraging Aaron to become a technician, and eventually work his way up to becoming a veterinarian. Robert also learns innocuous things about Aaron, too. Like that he always makes a wincing face when he tries a new beer for the first time. Or that his eyes crinkle up in a charming way that Robert finds he rather likes.
But those tidbits happen far and few in between. More often than not, they fight. Aaron wanting more for their relationship, and Robert refusing to give an inch. Robert’s life plan has never once included a man, least of all someone like Aaron Dingle. Robert doesn’t trust Aaron. The state of his flat, the area in which he lives, and the fact he’s a dirty grease monkey. Sometimes being with Aaron is a way to feel demeaning and justify why he can’t accept his own sexuality.
Despite all this, they continue to see and sleep with each other. Somehow, Robert’s treatment and sometimes vile attitude towards Aaron hasn’t made Aaron punch Robert. It’s fragile and it shouldn’t work, but it does, and it continues.
*
A few weeks into the start of whatever this thing is between Aaron and Robert, Vic turns up at Robert’s flat for the promised dinner between them. It’s a Sunday - the only day that Robert does not go into the office, and Vic knows it. She shoves past Robert when he opens the door, carrying bags of groceries.
“Oh nice to see you, too.” Robert sarcastically says as Vic places the bags onto the kitchen island.
“Hello.” Vic snips back just as sarcastically. “Right. You’re getting a proper home cooked meal, and I won’t hear any differently.” She opens the fridge and gives Robert an unimpressed look when she sees how empty the fridge is stocked.
But still, Vic manages to use the groceries she brought and some of the few items of Robert’s pantry to whip together their dinner. Between the cooking, they chat idly, both very clearly avoiding heavier topics, like Robert’s absence at the last Sugden dinner.
“Anyone tell you, you’re an amazing cook?” Robert asks after taking a bite of the meal. Vic’s years in the kitchen have served her well, and it’s always impressive when she shares her skills in the form of home cooked meals.
She basks in the compliment, but has to ruin the moment when she replies with, “Of course. Dad does.”
The topic of Jack is not one Vic broaches often with Robert. She’s not like Andy; getting mad and defensive when Robert challenges the so-called good qualities of Jack. Vic is Jack’s angel and she’s never had to deal with the high expectation of Jack - having been spared from working at Sugden Enterprises. It’s why she sometimes doesn’t fully understand some of Robert’s resentment.
She’s watching Robert to see how he’ll react, knows that this is some kind of test. He doesn’t know what she’s expecting of him, but what he does know is that if they continue on this path, it will only end with Vic getting sad and upset. “This has been a good night. Let’s not ruin it.”
“I hate that we have to avoid topics, Robert. Especially when it comes to family.” Her voice cracks a little, but it does nothing to move Robert.
“Vic, what do you want from me, huh? You know we’ll never agree about dad, isn’t it just better to leave it at that?”
“No! Do you have any idea how much it hurts knowin’ I have to take sides in my own family?” Vic’s voice rises as she keeps talking.
“Then why did you even bother coming here, then?” Robert demands, voice rising as well. He’s getting defensive and he knows it.
“Because I worry about ya! You work all the time and you’re alone in this big, empty flat.” Vic gestures around the flat, void of personal knick-knacks and even pictures of people in Robert’s life.
“There’s nothing wrong with being alone Vic.”
“Of course not, I know that. But you work all the time. You have to admit that’s not healthy. You’re going to drive yourself to the ground. I don’t want that to happen and neither does dad! Why else do you think he makes you go home after working late hours?” Vic makes a face like she regrets what she said almost immediately. The mention of Jack makes Robert’s blood boil.
“Oh I see what’s going on now. He made you think he actually cares about me.” Robert shoots up from his seat.
“No, that’s-”
“Save it, Vic. And stop putting your beak in things you know nothing about!” Robert shouts, causing Vic to cower slightly. Her reaction sobers Robert up and he calms down from his anger. “Thanks for dinner and all, but I think you should leave.”
Vic stays sitting on her seat for a bit in silence, but then closes her eyes and nods once. She gets up and gathers some of her things without saying a word, and Robert watches with a mixture of anger and guilt. When she’s done, she starts to walk out of the flat. But before opening the door, she stops, sighs, and turns around to face Robert. “I wish you’d understand that there’s nothing wrong with wanting happiness in your life. It wouldn’t kill ya for you to look for it.”
*
Robert is bladdered by the time he sees Aaron walk into the pub. He came over shortly after Vic left his flat, and tossed back pint after pint, trying to forget the way he acted around Vic. He never wants his ugly side to rear its head with Vic, but he couldn’t help himself. He never can.
“You alright?” Aaron asks when he gets to Robert’s spot at the bar. Robert is sure it’s an odd sight for Aaron to see - Robert always gets here after Aaron. He sits next to Robert gingerly, taking in the state of the other man. There are a few empty pints that the barmaid hasn’t picked up yet. “How much have ya had?”
“Dunno.” Robert mumbles. He does know, but it’s too many and he knows Aaron would judge him for it.
“Right. I think it’s time we leave, don’t you?” Aaron waves one of the bartenders over and takes the pint that was currently in Robert’s hand away. Aaron generously pays the tab, and picks Robert up from the barstool. He’s helping Robert out the pub, but Robert stops them when it’s apparent Aaron is taking Robert to his flat.
“No. I want to go home.” Robert insists, pulling away from Aaron and taking out his keys from his trouser pocket.
“Robert you can’t. You’re drunk.”
Robert pauses to look at Aaron, who stands back with a look of concern on his face. Robert doesn’t think he’s ever seen Aaron look at him like this. It makes something shiver down Robert’s spine. “Then you take me.” He finally decides, tossing his keys toward Aaron.
In his inebriated state, he doesn’t aim well, and the keys drop onto the ground. Aaron picks them up, and they walk to the parked Audi. When the engines purrs to life, Aaron doesn’t immediately switch gears to drive. They just sit in the car, engine running idly and soft tunes playing.
“Come now, don’t tell me a mechanic doesn’t know how to drive this car.” Robert prompts, still in a state of mind to taunt Aaron.
“I do know.” Aaron snaps, but still doesn’t switch gears into drive. “I just…don’t know where you live.”
It’s a strange admission, one that makes Robert realize how much power he holds over Aaron. How it’s all on Robert’s terms, and never on Aaron’s. “Well I guess I’ll have to show you where to go,” Robert says, trying to go for flippant, although it doesn’t sound so to his ears. It sounds janky and awkward, yet Aaron doesn’t comment on it.
The drive is mostly in silence, with Robert occasionally piping up to direct Aaron to turn on whichever the right street. It only takes a few minutes until they’re parking in the garage of Robert’s flat building.
Robert is keenly aware of Aaron’s presence behind him as he tries and fails to get the front door open. Aaron sighs a soft ‘give it here’ and takes the keys from Robert and opens the door successfully. Robert makes a beeline to his kitchen, switching the light on and gets himself a glass of water. When he turns around, he sees Aaron awkwardly standing in the middle of the flat.
The flat is easily thrice the size of Aaron’s flat, and seeing Aaron standing there is a reminder of the dichotomy of their lives. The differences always exhilarates Robert and is one of the reasons he’s still carrying on with Aaron. Him standing in his mechanic’s coveralls surrounded by furniture that costs more than anything Aaron owns.
Robert flops himself onto the couch and Aaron follows. Since seeing Robert at the bar, Aaron has been acting like he is dealing with some kind of volatile animal, as if any sudden movement will set Robert off. Perhaps it’s just as well, he still feels keyed up from his dinner with Vic.
“Thanks for bringing me home,” Robert quietly says once Aaron has settled next to Robert.
“Don’t worry about it,” Aaron shifts a little on the sofa. The only light in the flat is coming from the kitchen, creating soft lighting in the adjacent living room. Shadows obscure some of the features of Aaron’s face, but his eyes still pierce through the darkness.
They sit quietly next to each as Robert takes sips of his water. He still feels upset and hurt by the conversation he had with Vic, and now sitting next to Aaron, Robert can’t help but wonder if this is his life now. He doesn’t know where he’s gone wrong, because it’s not what he’s planned for, and he knows he needs to get it back on track.
“D’ya ever think of the future?” Robert asks once he’s finished with the glass of water.
“Not really, no.” Aaron shrugs a little.
“Well, I do. It terrifies me...being alone.” Robert admits, thinking back to the conversation he had with Vic. “I hate my job, but I can’t stop driving myself to work until I’m too tired to think. I have no real mates. I don’t get along with my family. I hate that you’re the one who’s here to comfort me.”
Despite the venomous words Robert slings, Aaron doesn’t move away from Robert. He places a tentative hand on Robert’s knee, and it brings a strange comfort to Robert. “I get it.”
Robert laughs mirthlessly. “How can you get it? Your life is nothin’ like mine.”
“Maybe not. But I get what it’s like being unhappy. And fighting with me family.” Aaron still doesn’t rise to the taunt.
“How’d you turn it around?”
“They didn’t give up on me. And I doubt yours will either.” Aaron nods over to the kitchen, where the remnants of Vic’s dinner is still on the counter.
Robert groans and scrubs his hands over his face. “You didn’t ask for any of this. You can go.”
Aaron’s hand on Robert’s knee gives a little comforting squeeze. “No, but I don’t mind. Us, being here...y’know, talkin’.” Robert scoffs, and doesn’t say anything. They sit in silence, the alcohol slowly burning out of Robert’s system as the water starts to negate it.
The evening dissolves into late night, and still they sit next to each other. No expectation of sleeping with each other, or talking, or anything, really. It’s calming to Robert to be in this companionable silence. When he finally feels less drunk, he pulls Aaron towards his bedroom. Aaron follows with no protest.
Robert undresses Aaron, and Aaron lets him. Even lets him take off his shirt, which had been off-limits since the beginning. It’s dark in Robert’s room so he doesn’t see anything as to why Aaron had been so adamantly against taking it off. But Robert runs his hands down Aaron’s chest and pushes him onto the bed.
They fuck quietly, and differently from before. Not as frantic or as demanding, like they can take their time and just enjoy the moment. When they’re slowly catching their breath, Aaron turns on the bed as if he’s about to leave. Robert reaches out and touches Aaron’s arm softly, “I want you to stay, is that okay?” Robert asks, pulling him closer and snaking his arms around Aaron’s smaller frame.
“Yes.” Aaron quietly replies, burrowing himself into Robert’s embrace. Robert falls asleep to Aaron’s soft breathing.
*
When Robert wakes up, the events of last night only trickle in slowly. He remembers fighting with Vic, going to the bar and drinking himself into a stupor. Aaron showing up...Aaron taking him to his flat. Trepidation and an irrational thought seep into his brain when he sees that Aaron isn’t in bed with him.
What if Aaron stole from him on his way out? He stumbles out of his bed, determined to search his flat to make sure nothing is amiss. When he gets to the main living area, he sees Aaron standing in the kitchen, opening one of the wall cupboards.
“What the hell are you doing?” Robert cries in a loud voice, causing Aaron to jump slightly and dropping the mug he had been taking out from the cupboard. The mug shatters on the floor and the sound reverberates between the stunned silence. "You idiot!” Robert shouts, moving towards the kitchen to see the damage.
“You’re the one shoutin’ so early!” Aaron defends with a frown. “I was making us some coffee before you came out here yelling.”
“Why are you still here?” Robert’s blood is boiling and he can’t shake the anger and fear he feels. What if someone had come over and seen Aaron? Why did Aaron think he could just parade around in Robert’s flat? “Thought you could rummage through and steal from me?”
“You what!” Aaron’s voice grows a little higher as it’s tinged with anger. There’s a dangerous glint to his eye as he walks towards Robert. “You’re the one who invited me here, mate.”
“Yeah because I’m sick of your disgusting flat. Tired of wondering if I was going to catch something, being in there. Didn’t think you’d take that as an invitation to stick around afterwards!” Robert shouts, missing the hurt that flashes across Aaron’s face.
Aaron shoves Robert roughly, “What the fuck is your problem!?”
“My problem is you! Thinkin’ you can make yourself at home here. What, do you think we’re boyfriends or summat?” Robert sneers, rankles raised from the physical contact. “You’re nothing to me, did ya think otherwise? As if a lowly mechanic like you could be with someone like me?”
Robert was going to say more to continue his angry tirade but is stopped short when Aaron swings his arm and punches Robert square in the jaw. Aaron’s hook is enough to get Robert off-balance, slipping slightly but he catches himself on the edge of the counter before he could fall to the ground next to the broken ceramic.
Robert, too stunned to react, watches as Aaron stomps out of the kitchen and emerges moments later dressed. “You are never gonna be happy with you being firmly in the closet and I’m sick of playing your games. I’m outta here.” Aaron huffs, standing near the front door.
“Good. Leave. I don’t want you here.” Robert says, but it’s weak and causes Aaron to sardonically laugh. The front door slams shut moments later, leaving Robert alone.
It’s after Aaron leaves does Robert realize his mouth has blood in it. He rinses his mouth out but does nothing to tend to the pain that is emanating from his jaw. Robert looks around the kitchen to see Aaron was right: he was just making them coffee. The coffee maker is turned on and dripping coffee into the pot. A mug had already been taken out and sits next to the machine. The innocence of the mug causes a great deal of distress to settle in his gut. He slides down against the base cabinet and he sits on the floor, next to the broken mug.
Robert has never felt more foolish than at this moment.
*
The punch Aaron threw leaves a bruise that blossoms onto Robert’s jaw before the end of the day. Robert stares at the bruise in the mirror of his bathroom as he lets the water warm up for a shower. The steam starts to stick to the mirror, and still Robert stares at the ugliness of the bruise, and the shame he feels. He doesn’t regret pushing Aaron out of his life, but he sure regrets the way he handled it. Pieces of the night before continue to trickle in, and he remembers some of the kindness that Aaron bestowed on him that Robert didn’t deserve.
He doesn’t go to work the next day, preferring to lick his wounded pride in private, and letting the bruise clear from his face. It takes three days before it’s not an angry bruise that would garner attention from even the most unobservable people. When he finally does go into work, Robert tries to make up for the lost time by working late into the evenings, ignoring the emails from Jack about going home.
True to his word, Aaron doesn’t once contact Robert. Not once since he stomped out of Robert’s flat. It suits Robert just fine. He never wanted more than a one-off, let alone a boyfriend. He goes back to working seventy-five hour work weeks, feeling feeble and burnt out. But it’s what he wants, and what he needs to feel useful.
Working longer hours than before has meant sacrificing a lot of the sleep he had been getting when he was with Aaron. But Robert ignores the protests his body gives him and keeps pushing himself harder and wearing himself out thinner in order to compensate all the time he had been wasting being with Aaron.
Everything seems to resume to how it was before Robert met Aaron, until a month and a half later, when Robert and Jimmy are in a meeting with Jack. They’re going over the figures for the latest haulage runs and Jack is flipping through the status report of one of the projects. Jack sighs, looking up from the report, and Robert recognizes that look. It’s the look of disappointment Robert has been on the receiving end for years.
“Robert, did you write this report? It’s riddled with grammatical errors. Is this how you want to present yourself to this company? That you don’t even care enough to read through your report?” Jack asks, tossing the report down on the table. It was a report Robert had written a few days ago, late into the evening. The cleaning staff had long since departed and Robert hadn’t slept more than a few hours the night before. A consistent thing as of late.
“I-” Robert’s voice gets caught, trying to think of a way to excuse his mistake. They’re in one of the many glass conference rooms in the building, and it seems poignant considering how exposed and humiliated Robert feels right now.
“If you’re so insistent on working overtime, at least have the regard to proofread your damn reports. I don’t want you to log any overtime for the next month.” Jack sweeps out of the office, leaving Jimmy and Robert alone in the glass conference room.
The revoking of the overtime feels more like a slap to the face than the fact he had messed up on the status report. He feels like a child who just got a toy confiscated. Jimmy tries to shoot Robert a sympathetic smile, but Robert rebuffs it by copying Jack and sweeping out of the conference room. The report still on the table.
Robert goes straight home after the embarrassing display at work, anger boiling his blood. By the time he gets home, the anger has evaporated and all that remains is shame and humiliation. Robert feels as though he has lost control of his life and Jack was there to gloat in his face about it.
Later in the evening, he receives an email from the head of HR that Jack informed her of Robert’s overtime revocation. The email adds to the humiliation Robert feels and he shuts his phone off to escape from it all.
He stays holed in his flat for two days. He hasn’t slept at all, every horrible decision he’s ever made at the forefront of his head. There’s no Vic to come and make him feel better or give him support - they’ve also not spoken since his outburst with her. But above it all, without the distraction of work, Robert reflects on the way he’s treated Aaron. Robert still insists to himself that he’s better without a boyfriend, but he can’t deny that life was a little less shitty when he was carrying on with Aaron.
Robert wonders what Aaron got out of being with him. If he’s willing to forgive Robert for the way he reacted. He knows that being with Aaron helped with his sleepless nights. The nights when his demons seemed to cloud his thoughts. But on the flip side, he knows he will never truly find happiness with another bloke. As if his relationship with Jack wasn’t bad enough, he knows he could never ever bring a man to meet his family.
And yet...he still craves that fleeting moment of happiness, when they just sat on Robert’s couch, in companionable silence, and even when they laid in Robert’s bed later, embracing each other. Without giving his insecurities another thought, he grabs both his flat key and his spare and is out the door.
*
Robert feels like a dog with his tail between his legs as he knocks on the front door of Aaron’s flat. When Aaron answers, his eyes widen in surprise but he doesn’t slam the door in Robert’s face like he thought he would. He doesn’t say anything either, just looks at Robert expectantly.
“Look...I’m sorry,” Robert begins, “I shouldn’t have said what I said, or reacted how I did.”
Aaron crosses his arms and still says nothing. He’s punishing Robert, he knows. He has to try harder if he wants Aaron to say something back. “To be honest, I don’t know what I’m doing. I’ve never had anything like this before.”
There’s a beat of silence, as if Aaron is still expecting Robert to say more. But Robert has nothing else to add. Finally, Aaron shifts on his feet a little and scoffs, “You’re so arrogant, you know that? What if I had someone over?”
Something claws inside of Robert - thinking of Aaron with someone else. It’s an insane reaction considering Aaron isn’t Robert’s. But jealousy fills him all the same - feeling upset and angry by a hypothetical question. He just stands helplessly there, stewing in his unjustified jealousy, when Aaron sighs and scrubs at his face. “Come on.” He opens the door wider, and Robert tentatively walks into the flat.
It’s cleaner than the last time Robert was here. Like Aaron has finally made an effort to make this dingy little flat look presentable. Aaron walks to the kitchen and leans against one of the counters - a standoffish look even after he’s let Robert into the flat.
“I haven’t slept in two days.” Robert tiredly says. The exhaustion has taken a beating to his body: his back aches, he’s had a constant headache that no amount of caffeine can help. Normally, he can work through the pain of not sleeping by overworking himself, but since Jack has been adamant about Robert not working overtime, the days and nights have been unbearably long.
Aaron is carefully studying Robert’s body. Robert knows his appearance is shabby - two days’ old clothing, rumpled hair that he didn’t have the energy to fix, bags under his eyes. Robert knows he probably looks like someone who just walked out from under a bridge. But despite the shabbiness of Robert’s appearance, Aaron doesn’t look at him with a lick of pity.
“I can’t keep doing this, Robert. I’m not gonna jump through hoops just to keep ya happy or whenever you beckon me. I have wants, too.” Aaron’s voice betrays the hard attitude his body is presenting. There’s a slight crack to it, making Robert feel something about Aaron. He knows he hasn’t really considered Aaron’s feelings a lot before the forced leave Robert has had to take, and hearing Aaron’s cracked voice makes him feel even worse about it all.
“So where does that leave us?” Robert asks earnestly.
“ Is there an ‘us’?” Aaron responds back with a humorless laugh.
Robert takes a step towards Aaron, “I’d like there to be.” Part of Robert is saying what he needs to say in order to appease Aaron. But another, deeper part of Robert, believes what he’s saying. The night before their awful argument was one of the most genuine moments in Robert’s life. Aaron has gotten into his bloodstream. He’s infected Robert and he’ll do anything to keep the feeling.
The smallest of smiles tugs at Aaron’s lips - shy and bashful. He quickly squashes the smile and chews at his lip thoughtfully. Robert feels as though he’s on the precipice of getting what he wants. Slowly, he places his hands at Aaron’s waist, pulling Aaron towards him. Aaron obliges, allowing his chest to be flush with Robert’s. Robert wraps his arms across Aaron’s back, crisscrossing them as he settles his hands on Aaron’s shoulders.
They settle in this quiet hug. Robert can hear Aaron’s steady breathing below his head, near his heart. Robert has never allowed himself to touch Aaron like this before, but something rights itself deep within his body and he allows it to be. There is nothing promised in this hug, which makes it feel like this is an important moment. Finally, Aaron breaks the hug and tugs Robert by his hand toward his bedroom.
He pushes Robert until the back of his knees hit the low bed. They stare at each other for a long time, before Aaron cups Robert’s face and kisses him. He allows Aaron to take charge - a little thrill runs down his spine - and goes down easily onto the bed when Aaron paws at his chest softly.
The bed, which is usually an atrocious offense to Robert’s back and his high standards of mattresses, is surprisingly comfortable. It feels as though it’s hugging his body, making his tired body react positively to it. One minute he’s looking up at Aaron with half-lidded eyes, the next, he opens his eyes and sees Aaron laying next to him, tapping away at his phone.
“Wha-?” Robert’s voice is groggy and he feels disoriented.
“You fell asleep.” Aaron puts down his phone and turns to Robert, a small amused smile on his face. Robert is immediately embarrassed. He can’t believe he fell asleep just as they were going to fuck. He groans and rubs at his eyes. Aaron is still watching him, a thoughtful look on his face. “You really were tired.”
“I missed you,” Robert says, hoping to convey that he couldn’t sleep without Aaron in as little words as possible. Aaron seems to understand what Robert is getting at because he smiles a little and brushes some of Robert’s hair off of his forehead.
“Go back to sleep, we’ll talk more tomorrow,” Aaron says softly, as Robert’s eyelids grow heavier. Robert nods once before allowing himself to fall back into a much needed slumber.
When Robert wakes again, the sun is barely filtering through Aaron’s flat issued blinds. Aaron is dead to the world, snoozing deeply next to Robert. It’s the first time Robert wakes next to Aaron without the desire to leave immediately. He takes a few moments to really look at the younger man. The perpetual scowl on his face is replaced with a relaxed look, lips in a soft frown. Robert didn’t realize how much he missed Aaron and this until this moment.
A few minutes pass before Robert can feel slight hunger pangs. But his mouth also feels dirty and gross from falling asleep without brushing his teeth from the night before. Before going out to the kitchen, Robert goes into the bathroom to freshen up. He finds some mouthwash and splashes his face to wash away the sleep from his eyes. Once he’s more presentable, he pads out of the bedroom and into the kitchen.
Despite the many times Robert has been in Aaron’s flat, he’s not actually sure where anything is located. Knowing how hypocritical he's being, Robert rummages through some of Aaron’s cupboards and fridge. The fridge is in a sad state - a small pint of milk, a carton of eggs, withering vegetables, and half a six-pack of lagers. Robert takes the milk, eggs and vegetables out, determined to make omelettes for the pair of them.
As Robert is pouring the egg mixture into an old beaten up skillet he found, he hears some footsteps behind him. Aaron announces his presence by sliding his arms around Robert’s waist. Robert tries not to stiffen at the contact, but he can’t help but tensing a little. If Aaron notices, he doesn’t do or say anything, which Robert takes as a small victory. Aaron puts his head against Robert’s shoulder and bicep, watching the omelette making in silence. It’s slightly difficult to maneuver with Aaron pressing against him, but Robert is determined to act blasé about this interaction.
When Robert folds the omelette in half, Aaron finally lets go and begins puttering around the kitchen. He turns on the coffee pot, and pulls out plates and cutlery. They move around each other as if they’ve done this a hundred times before. Not like this is uncharted territory.
Once breakfast is served, they sit down and eat in comfortable silence. It’s too early to talk about the things they need to; Robert can see Aaron still struggling to wake up fully. The coffee seems to help, as well as the food. It’s not long before they’re both done eating and Aaron is looking at Robert expectantly. It’s more kindness than Robert deserves.
“I don’t know what I’m doing, when I’m with you.” Robert confesses, parroting what he said yesterday. “But I’m willing to try, if you’ll let me.”
“I meant what I said yesterday, Robert. I won’t be messed around.” Aaron counters, for once he’s the one not moving an inch.
“I’m not messing you ‘round.” Robert says, rummaging for his trousers pockets, and pulling out his spare key to his flat. “I didn’t trust ya when you stayed the last time. I want you to take this. To prove that I do trust you.”
Aaron stares at the outstretched key. Robert braces himself for the worst, but instead Aaron reaches out and closes his hand around the key and Robert’s hand. “You’re never going to be happy if you don’t admit to yourself what you are.”
Robert tries to snatch his hand away, but Aaron holds tight. “I don’t need to put myself in a box to know who I am.” Robert says sharply.
“I get it’s hard to admit who you are after all these years. But you’ll never be happy until you do.” Aaron insists.
Robert looks at their connected hands. Thinks about the disgust of Jack’s face all those years ago, his angry words to Robert. He’ll never be able to admit who he is with a father like Jack.
Yet..Aaron sits across from him without a shirt, and he sees the faint scars that no doubt was the reasoning behind him not taking his shirt off in front of Robert. It makes Robert want to trace those scars and learn why they exist. Aaron is looking at Robert so earnestly open, and it makes Robert want to try for Aaron and himself. “Give me time.” Robert concedes softly.
Aaron lets out a small sigh, knowing that’s probably the best answer Robert will give him. A ghost of a smile graces his lips. Robert lets his hand open on the key again, and this time Aaron takes it.
*
They settle into a tentative routine the month they get back together. Because Robert still can’t work overtime, he has been enjoying his evenings with Aaron, who has started to feel more and more comfortable staying at Robert’s flat. The first couple of days were awkward and tainted by the ugly reminder of the way Robert acted. But slowly, they seem to get comfortable together as they navigate this new relationship.
Robert wakes before Aaron, and makes them coffee as he gets ready for work. Just as he’s out the door, Aaron usually emerges, sleepy eyed. Robert gives a quick morning kiss and leaves while Aaron prepares his mug. The first time Robert gave Aaron a morning kiss, he had been mortified. The entire commute to work and the rest of the day, Robert had agonized over the simplicity of the kiss and how he seemed to do it on reflex. He’s gotten more comfortable with his displays of affection, but reserves it strictly to whenever they are alone together.
On the evening before Robert can work overtime again, Robert is debating how he’s going to now balance this new thing with Aaron as well as getting back to working his long hours. They’re in the kitchen, Robert leaning against one of the counters while Aaron sits at the breakfast island. He says something off-handedly, about perhaps working a few extra hours in the evening when he sees Aaron shift a little in the seat.
“What?” Robert prompts, feeling as if maybe he’s forgotten something. Aaron usually has no qualms about voicing his opinions and thoughts to Robert, but now it seems he’s holding back.
“Hm? Nothin’.” Aaron buries his head into his phone, as if he’s trying to ignore Robert.
“No, tell me.” Robert insists, walking over to Aaron and makes grabby hands towards him. In the time they’ve properly labelled themselves, Robert has found - in his quest to be more affectionate towards Aaron - that Aaron is ticklish. Robert tries to use that to his advantage, making a grab towards the sides of his chest and stomach.
Aaron is laughing, trying to foist off Robert’s small assault of tickling. “Get off!” He laughs, pushing Robert’s hands off.
“Come on, tell me.” Robert stops tickling, and leans over the island to gaze up at Aaron.
Aaron hesitates, shifting again on the seat. “Well...I was thinkin’ about what you said once about your job. About how you hate it.”
Robert vaguely remembers. He knows it must have been that night before he had almost fucked everything up. “Yeah, I suppose I’m not the biggest fan of it.”
“Then why do you even want to work more than you hafta? Or why do you stay?” Aaron’s voice is tinged with a slightly apologetic tone, as if he doesn’t want to upset Robert with this line of questioning. Robert’s first instinct is to get defensive and angry, but he’s also been trying to be better at communication. Better about talking about himself, faults and all.
“It’s not so simple. I work for my father, it’s expected of me to work there. I hope to one day inherit it all,” Robert sighs, slumping on a seat next to Aaron.
Aaron chews at his lip for a few seconds, thinking. “Well if you could do something else...what would it be?”
The question stuns Robert a little. He’s never really given much thought about what he wanted to do besides work for his father. Growing up, it was the expectation of Jack that both he and Andy would come and work at the company. Sure, they got to choose what departments and what exactly they wanted to do once they joined Sugden Enterprises. But it was never really a choice .
He thinks about Sarah’s kind, motherly face. Her passion for books, cooking, and drawing. Robert remembers when Jack and Sarah had announced they were divorcing, Robert had told Sarah he was going to give her a portion of his income so she could live her life without Jack comfortably. She just laughed and told him he was a generous kid. She was the only person in his family who loved Robert in the most unconditional sense. How she was patient with him, even when he was throwing tantrums or being unnecessarily rude to her. And then she was taken from Robert in a horrible car accident, never able to be free from Jack.
Robert is probably silent longer than is normal, yet Aaron just sits there patiently. “Graphic design.” Robert settles on. Technology and art. A combination of his passion, technology, and his mother’s, art.
Aaron doesn’t laugh at Robert, like he was expecting him to do. He just nods, like it’s as simple as that. And for a moment, Robert thinks that’s the end of the conversation. Until Aaron makes a face, hesitates for a moment, and then says, “So after tomorrow, am I never gonna see you again?”
“How do you mean?”
“Only, the last time you could work whenever you wanted, you were either too tuckered out to do anything but fuck or I wouldn’t see you for days on end.” Aaron shrugs, trying to go for nonchalance, but Robert can see right through it. There’s an underlying tone of insecurity and it makes Robert feel guilty with the dark cloud that somehow still looms over them.
“That’s not gonna happen this time.” Robert promises, sliding his hands around Aaron’s waist gently. He doesn’t know if they will ever escape the cloud, but he’ll try to ease the burden by trying to reassure Aaron.
Aaron chews at his lip in contemplation for a while before nodding with a slight smile. Robert returns the smile and buries his head at the crook of Aaron’s neck. Robert idly hopes he can keep the promise as he feels Aaron draw nonsensical symbols on Robert’s back.
*
Robert surprises Aaron and himself by not sliding back into his seventy-five work weeks the first two weeks Robert has the option to work overtime. There are a couple of days where he’ll work a few hours after everyone leaves, but nothing to the extent he had been working beforehand. It makes Robert feel more energetic and useful than he’s felt in a long time.
But something still weighs on his heart despite all the positive changes in his life. And that weight is Victoria, who Robert still has not spoken to since his outburst and the failed attempt of their tea. On an evening he knows Aaron is out with mates, he decides to finally give Vic a call. She doesn’t answer, not that Robert was expecting her to - he knows she can be as stubborn as him - but Robert leaves a voicemail telling her he’s sorry and hopes to meet up with him.
It’s why the evening finds Robert sitting alone in a coffee shop with a cooling americano and two pastries, looking up every time someone passes by his table. He’s almost ready to call it a failure of an evening when Vic finally walks through the front door of the coffee shop.
Robert stands up when he sees her, and offers her a smile. Vic doesn’t return it, but she nods at the pastry, “Is one of those mine?”
“Yes. I was going to order you a drink too, but didn’t know what you wanted.” Robert confesses. Pastries and desserts have always been a shared love of theirs, and he knows which are her weakness and orders it as a peace offering.
She takes a seat across from where Robert had been sitting and crosses her arms. She’s projecting a stand-off appearance much like Aaron did when Robert went to his flat. Robert sighs and scrubs at his face in a guilty manner, “Vic, I don’t know what to say. But I’m sorry.”
Vic sighs, “Do you even know what you’re apologizing for?”
“Of course. I was rude and shouldn’t not have taken your kindness as some sort of criticism.”
That’s how it’s always been with Robert. He finds kindness suspicious or as some sort of backhanded way of criticizing him. Vic gives a terse smile, accepting the apology, and takes a bite of the pastry before speaking.
“I’m sorry, too. I shouldn’t push you so much about you and dad. I’ll never understand it, but I want to be respectful.” Vic takes one of Robert’s hands into her own, giving it a squeeze. Robert, to his credit, doesn’t bristle when she mentions Jack and he supposes he can count that as growth.
“Maybe that’s enough.” Robert suggests quietly. His and Jack’s differences will always be an issue, but he would never want to destroy Vic’s and Jack’s relationship just so she could understand.
They ease into a strained conversation. Robert can tell she’s trying to avoid topics about Jack. She updates him on her job and about a bloke she’s met. She laughs and says it’s probably nothing yet, but they’ve been on a few dates. It makes Robert want to tell her about Aaron, but the thought of mentioning Aaron petrifies Robert. He’s not ready to reveal that part of himself to her.
When they get ready to leave, Vic stands up and reaches towards Robert. “I meant what I said earlier, Rob. It wouldn’t kill you to look for happiness.” Vic says against Robert’s ear as she hugs him on her tippy toes.
“For the first time in a long time, I think I am happy.” Robert answers as he leans into the hug. Vic pulls away from the hug and the first genuine smile of the evening graces her face.
“I’m so happy for you, Rob. I hope you keep whoever or whatever it is making you happy around. You deserve it more than anything.” Vic says brightly.
Robert is reminded of the night with Aaron when he told Robert he didn’t think his family would give up on him. He thinks perhaps maybe Aaron was right, and he can somehow separate Vic from the rest of his family.
*
A few weeks after Vic and Robert reconcile, Jimmy is putting on his coat and extends his daily lunch invitation to Robert. He thinks about Vic’s words from their pastry date and Aaron’s about not overworking himself, and decides to accept Jimmy’s offer. Robert wishes he had accepted the offer before today because Jimmy’s mystified face is something to behold. He gapes at Robert in disbelief, opening and closing his mouth a few times, trying to make sense of this situation.
“Please don’t tell me your invites were disingenuous.” Robert tries to joke, but a sinking feeling drops in his stomach.
“No! ‘Course they’re genuine.” Jimmy sputters a little.
“Then stop gaping like a fish, you’ll catch a bug if you don’t pick your mouth up.” Robert stands up to put his own coat on and follows Jimmy out the building, a nervous energy buzzing around Robert.
They are joined by Jimmy’s wife, Nicola, and a few other coworkers. Robert had met Nicola a few times at company parties, but they have never really gotten on - Nicola fiercely protective of Jimmy and saw the slight disdain Robert had for him. But this lunch hour is tense-free, even if she shoots Robert a few glares. Otherwise, it’s not the worst hour spent.
The afternoon seems to go by quicker too after they return from lunch. Robert and Jimmy actually chat and joke with each other as the rest of the afternoon passes. Once the end of the day rolls around, and Jimmy is getting ready to leave for the day, he smiles at Robert. “Whoever is making you happy, make sure you keep ‘em around. I quite like this Robert.” Jimmy says, clasping Robert’s shoulder and walking out of the bullpen.
Robert, despite himself, smiles at Jimmy’s words. It’s similar to what Vic had said, and he knows that Aaron has been making him a better person. He sees the change in little things and he’s beginning to feel more and more at ease being with Aaron and accepting the person Robert is. He works for about an hour after Jimmy leaves before heading out himself.
As Robert is waiting for the elevator carriage to get to his floor, he gets a text from Aaron asking about meeting up for tea. Smiling softly, he replies to it saying he’ll cook them something. Feeling buoyed from the successful lunch and his meet up with Aaron, he doesn’t at first see who else is in the elevator when the doors open.
Jack.
He nods at Robert as he steps into the carriage but otherwise doesn’t acknowledge Robert’s presence. The elevator ride, which normally feels quick, is slow and tense. Jack has never been a man of many words when Robert was growing up. He’s even less now that his and Robert’s relationship is fractured and almost non-existent. They’ve not spoken since Jack dismissed Robert from overtime work.
When the elevator doors finally reach the basement garage, Robert tries not to bolt out of the carriage, instead just quickly walking away from Jack. But before he could get to his parked Audi, Jack calls out, “Just a moment Robert.”
Sighing softly, Robert turns to look back at Jack. They just stand there in the garage staring at each other, Robert feeling tense with anticipation about what this is about.
Finally, Jack just sighs and shakes his head. “I just don’t understand you, Robert,” is all he says before walking away to his car. He could have said nothing. Could have let Robert just walk to his car and act like they were strangers. Instead, he had to say something so dismissive and slightly humiliating that it ruins Robert’s good mood.
When he gets to his flat, he pours himself a scotch on the rocks and sits himself on his couch, staring at nothing and his mind elsewhere. Robert hates how much he craves Jack’s approval and how such a dismissive comment makes him feel fifteen again. He knows to some extent Robert is who he is because of Jack. Why he can’t accept himself for who he is, the shame he feels, and the hurt he’s put Aaron through.
Aaron, who Robert had forgotten he had made plans with, turns up at Robert’s flat well after the ice in his scotch has melted.
“Rob?” Aaron’s voice is concerned and it snaps Robert out of whatever daydream he was in. He looks up at Aaron and blinks a few times, still disorientated from his humiliating thoughts. “No tea?” He says with a little nervous laugh, suddenly reminding Robert of the conversation they had over text before Jack ruined Robert’s evening.
“Christ. Sorry, no. I-...” Robert didn’t even know how to explain himself. My bastard of a father made me sad and I forgot I was going to cook for you, sounded too pathetic to admit aloud.
“Are you okay?” Aaron takes a tentative step towards Robert, eyeing the scotch. It’s small things like Aaron eyeing the drink that reminds Robert of their tumultuous history. He knows Aaron is worried that Robert could say something horrid because of prior experience.
“Yeah, I just...I ran into my dad and- You know it doesn’t matter.” Robert dismisses with a wave of his hand. He doesn't know how to adequately explain the depths of his despair and decides it’s just not worth explaining.
“No, come on. Talk to me. It obviously matters.” Aaron coaxes gently, going to sit next to Robert.
“I’ll never be good enough for him.” Robert confesses. It’s the first time he’s ever verbalized those thoughts, and it releases some tension inside of him. “It doesn’t matter how hard I try. Working for him when I don’t want to. Pushing myself to be the best employee, so he can finally realize I should be the vice president of the company. Yet he gets mad when I work hard. He hates me, and I’ll never be able to change that.”
“Then he’s mad to think that. I think you’re pretty amazin’.” Aaron says it so genuinely and openly, yet it still causes Robert to scoff. “No I mean it. I love you.”
The flat was already quiet, just the two of them quietly breathing. But with Aaron’s admission, it feels as if everything stills. Robert doesn’t remember the last time someone had told him they loved him. And he never thought Aaron would be saying it to him.
“Why?” Robert finally manages to ask. He doesn’t know what he’s asking: why Aaron loves him, or why he’s saying it now, only a few months after Robert chucked those vile words at Aaron.
“I don’t know. ‘Cause I’m an idiot, probably.” Aaron huffs a small laugh. “But it’s true. I like bein’ here with ya. And how sometimes, you just say the right things, even when you’re being a knobhead.”
“I don’t always say the right things.” Robert says with a mournful sigh. He doesn’t understand the kindness that Aaron is displaying. He knows he doesn’t deserve it.
“No, you don’t.” Aaron agrees easily enough. “But sometimes you do. And I remember one time you were drunk, and you smiled at me and told me that you like being in the same room as me because I make rooms better. That has to count for something, don’t it?”
Robert doesn’t even remember telling Aaron that, but he knows it’s true. There’s something about Aaron’s presence that calms Robert in ways he can’t explain. Sometimes, Robert will be in the kitchen, while Aaron is buried deep reading some music magazine in the living room, and even though they’re both busy doing their own thing, the presence is enough.
Aaron is looking at Robert with those soft eyes - the ones that captivated Robert from the first night in the bar. Robert takes Aaron’s hand, threads his fingers through Aaron’s, and kisses the back of Aaron’s hand. “I don’t deserve you.”
There’s a slight tinge of red on Aaron’s face with Robert’s proclamation. “Come off it.”
“No I mean it. And for the record, I love you too.” Robert says, realizing he had not said it back when Aaron first said it.
A gorgeous smile blossoms across Aaron’s face, almost splitting his face in half. Robert doesn’t think he’s ever seen Aaron this happy and it was because of Robert. He’s made Aaron angry, frustrated, feel worthless, and now he’s made him so happy. Maybe now, the black cloud that hangs above them can finally dissolve into the sky.
Still, Robert knows he can’t just say he loves Aaron and hope that’s enough. He takes Aaron’s hand and somberly looks at Aaron, taking a few deep breaths. “I’m bisexual. And my dad knows it and hates me for it.”
Aaron reaches over and squeezes Robert’s hand. “Then he doesn’t deserve you.”
“I’m sorry.”
Aaron knits his eyebrows together in confusion. “What for?”
“I’ve never been able to admit that before. About being bisexual. It should’ve been easier than having to put you through all this shit as I tried to figure it out.” Robert explains, still feeling guilty.
“Robert, none of that matters anymore. You should have seen me when I came out. It wasn’t pretty either.” Aaron reassures with a wry smile.
Robert smiles softly. He doesn’t know what he’s done to deserve this person in front of him, but he thinks maybe they both need each other. Like they are two sad broken pieces to make a better, happier whole. Maybe one day he’ll tell Aaron of that night when Jack caught Robert with that lad. But right now, he feels like what they’ve said tonight is enough. He feels emotionally drained and wrung out, and all he wants right now is Aaron beside him.
“I love you.” Robert says again, later when they are in bed together. Aaron smiles and presses his body against Robert.
“Who would’ve thought the bloke who once paid me for sex is such a soft lad?” Aaron asks, but before Robert can apologize and feel guilty for his past behavior, Aaron reaches up and kisses him. “I love you too.”
Robert plays with Aaron’s hair softly. Aaron falls asleep before Robert, still too preoccupied with his thoughts. But any bad thoughts that plagued him earlier fade away as he begins to drift into sleep; life seems so much simpler with Aaron beside him.
*
Since the night Robert confessed everything to Aaron, something has settled in the pit of Robert’s stomach. Not necessarily uncomfortableness - in fact he’s never been happier - but as if he’s half expecting something to happen. Like he’s waiting for the other shoe to drop. It comes a few weeks later, when Robert least expects it.
Aaron is sitting at the kitchen island with his laptop open. He’s been studying for his veterinarian tech certification lately. Robert had encouraged him to go for the certification shortly after Aaron gave Robert a sketchbook for him to start sketching ideas out. They have started to push one another to be the best versions of themselves, it’s not something Robert had done before, thinking he would just one day be handed Sugden Enterprises. But now, he’s exploring more things and hobbies he didn’t think he’d have time for.
While Aaron is silently studying, Robert is at the stove preparing their dinner. One of the things Robert has been able to explore now that Aaron has become a semi-permanent resident in Robert’s flat is his cooking skills. He had fond memories of cooking alongside Sarah when he was a child, but after her death, Robert had stopped cooking. Now with Aaron being helpless when it comes to making anything other than toast, Robert has happily taken it up again. It’s unexpectedly normal in a way Robert never thought he could have with Aaron.
Robert is messing around with a minestrone recipe he had found online and made a few changes to it as he cooked. He takes a spoonful of it to taste the soup, and it gets his taste buds singing. Pleased with the soup, he gets another spoonful and cups a hand under it as he makes his way to where Aaron is sat. Aaron must have seen Robert out the corner of his eye, because he looks up from the laptop before Robert reaches him, a curious look on his face.
“Try this.” Robert prompts, moving the spoon closer to Aaron’s face. Aaron gives a harmless roll of his eyes before moving his hand to take the spoon from Robert’s grip.
“‘s good.” Aaron says with a grin, after eating the spoon of soup. Robert preens under the compliment and leans down to give Aaron a kiss, soup safely simmering and in no danger of burning.
Aaron surges up towards Robert, spoon dropped and forgotten, and threads his fingers into Robert’s hair softly. It’s perfectly domestic and lovely, and for a fleeting moment, Robert thinks this could be his life from here on out.
"Oh, sorry. Didn't mean to interrupt," comes an apologetic voice that makes Robert's blood turn to ice. Robert reacts by distancing himself from Aaron and turns to where the voice came from.
Vic is standing by the front door, a curiously surprised look on her face. His worst nightmare has become a reality with Vic standing there before him and Aaron. It’s one thing to admit who he is with Aaron, but having to open up to others was something Robert had not been ready for.
"Who's this?" Vic asks curiously, oblivious the inner turmoil that is going through Robert. Something horrid and wretched claws inside Robert, his immediate reaction to deflect and get defensive. But his eyes land on Aaron, who looks almost resigned to the fact that Robert will deny and deflect. He knows the poisonous words Robert could say when backed into a corner.
It's that look of defeat and hurt that tempers the words that are at the tip of his tongue. Robert doesn't know how much time has passed since Vic's question, but Robert takes a step closer to Aaron and places a tentative hand on his shoulder. "This is Aaron…my boyfriend." Robert feels shaky and anxious but somehow the candor of his voice betrays none of his insecurities.
The silence that follows causes Robert to want to backpedal, but almost sensing Robert's nerves, Aaron places his own hand atop Robert's. It's simple yet it gives him all the confidence he was lacking before. Vic's face softens into a gentle smile and she takes a step towards the pair of them.
"Nice to meet ya Aaron. I'm Victoria." Vic says, still smiling. Aaron extends his other hand out to her for a handshake, but she bypasses it to give both Aaron and Robert a large hug. Something loosens inside Robert and he sags against the two most important people of his life. It's strange and something he thought he could never have. But standing here, it seems so easy.
Eventually, they break apart and with a slight tremor to his voice, he asks Aaron to give them some time alone. Aaron gets up from his chair and leaves the kitchen, but not before squeezing Robert's hand in another act of support.
Vic sits there patiently as Robert fumbles with his words. Explaining that he’s been seeing Aaron for the past couple of months and could not be happier with him. Vic just sits across from him, patiently listening as Robert struggles to speak, smiling all the while. Finally, he admits that he’s bisexual, and it’s still new to admit but Aaron has helped him through it.
There’s not an ounce of pity, sympathy, or disgust on Vic’s face. She throws her arms around Robert’s neck and sighs softly against him. “I love ya, Rob.”
Something cracks inside Robert. Perhaps insecurity or his negative self-talk, but it crumbles as he wraps his arms around Vic back. They hug for a while, and perhaps because it was quiet, Aaron comes out from the bedroom to check on them. Robert beckons Aaron over and Robert reaches out and holds Aaron, too. It’s probably silly and cliche to admit, but it’s probably the happiest Robert has ever been.
Later, when they’re eating the soup Robert cooked, Vic tastes the minestrone and exclaims that it’s the best minestrone she’s had before. “Who made it?”
“I made it.” Robert proudly says, sliding a hand across the table to take Aaron’s hand.
“You’ve made him a proper house husband, Aaron. Dunno the last time I saw him cook.” Vic teases with a quick smile.
“Shut up.” Robert feels his cheeks heat in embarrassment, but not because of being referred to as a ‘house husband’, because of the general good natured teasing. It’s easy and freeing and not for the first time, Robert marvels at how simple this has been. How simple Vic has taken to Aaron, as they gang up and tease Robert.
He’s laughing when Aaron catches his eye. He looks at Robert with pride in his eyes and it causes Robert’s heart to soar a little, to reach over and squeeze Aaron’s hand. It almost feels like things are slotting into this new life and for once Robert is happy to lean into the current to see where it will take him.
Robert’s thinking about asking Aaron to just move in with him already, leave behind that tiny flat and make a proper home with Robert.
*
Life changes incrementally after Vic’s visit. Robert officially asks Aaron to move in, which Aaron happily accepts. They spend a Saturday moving Aaron’s things in, and the flat suddenly feels alive. Aaron puts framed pictures of him and his family on the coffee table and along the fireplace mantle. Robert wants to take a picture of himself and Aaron together so they can proudly display it in their flat. He never thought himself as such a sap about things like this, but it’s just yet another layer he’s learned about himself.
Robert continues going into work, realizing he hates it a little more every day. He doesn’t remember the time before when he actually wanted to work obscene hours. Now when the minutes reach the end of the day, Robert is one of the first to leave. It’s getting to the point where even his effort into his work is starting to deteriorate.
One such day where Robert is merely counting the minutes until he can leave, Jack barks for him and Jimmy to meet him in a conference room. Apparently Jack had noticed the downturn in Robert’s work, because he’s yelling at Robert about a recent shipment that has been delayed and it should have been something Robert had caught.
Jack is ranting in Robert’s face. He doesn’t register the words, and he realizes he doesn’t care what Jack has to say. He looks and sees Jimmy giving him the trademark sympathetic smile, but still, Robert doesn’t seem to care what is happening. He’s not sure where it comes from, but when Jack takes a breath to continue his rant, Robert says as simply as he can, “I quit.”
The two words finally get Jack to shut the hell up. “What did you just say?” He growls.
“You heard me. I quit.” Robert informs Jack evenly. He sees Jimmy with his jaw wide open in the corner of his eye but continues to stare challengingly at Jack. When Jack doesn’t say anything, Robert stands up. “Right. You can send my final check to my flat.” He nods at Jimmy, who is actually smiling proudly at Robert, and he leaves the conference room.
Robert goes to his desk and assesses whether there’s any personal knick knacks for him to take home. There really isn’t. Despite the many hours and time Robert has put into this company, Robert realizes how little he’s personalized it. There are a few pens that Robert has a particular fondness for and his personal organizer that he tucks into his messenger bag, but that’s really all that he’ll be taking home with him. And after spending nine years at this company, Robert takes one last look at his desk and turns on his heel to leave.
As he’s waiting for the elevator to get to his floor, he hears someone call out his name. When he turns, he sees Jimmy running towards him.
“You’re not going to convince me to stay.” Robert says, uncertain as to why Jimmy is here.
“After that performance? Wouldn’t dream of it.” Jimmy chuckles. “No. I wanted to tell you, what you did was admirable. I want to run a proposition by you.”
“What?”
“I need to get out of this corporate nightmare. Thinkin’ of starting me own haulage company. If you’re game, I want you to join me. Be my partner and all.” Jimmy puffs his chest out and puts his hand out towards Robert.
Robert stares at the outstretched hand in disbelief. Haulage was hardly Robert’s calling, and was one of the reasons he was finding less enjoyment at Sugden Enterprises. But it’s not like Robert really had an idea of what he was going to do, being jobless for the first time in years.
The elevator dings and the doors open. Robert looks between the door and Jimmy’s hand. He smiles and takes Jimmy’s hand to shake. “Let me think about it.”
Jimmy smiles and nods. “You have my number. And hey, we can always have lunch sometime.”
Robert nods back and steps into the elevator. Just as the door is about to close, Robert thanks Jimmy, to which Jimmy just smiles again. Robert would never have considered continuing working with Jimmy before meeting Aaron. Hell, he probably never would have quit had it not been for Aaron. But for the first time ever, Robert feels relieved.
He sits in his Audi for a few moments, and lets out a bewildered chuckle. He cannot believe what he just did. As he just sits in the car, he gets a text from Andy. Predictably, Jack probably went to tell Andy what happened.
Are you mad? Dad will never forgive you for this. Robert just shakes his head with a humorless laugh. Instead of responding, he calls Aaron.
It rings for a few moments before going to voicemail. He’s probably under some car bonnet right now, so Robert decides to drive to the garage to tell Aaron in person.
Robert had only been to the garage a few times, and he gets there relatively quickly, no heavy work traffic to get in the way. Sure enough, when Robert enters the garage, he spies Aaron’s shoes underneath some beat up Jaguar. He kicks at Aaron's feet, which has him rolling out from under the Jaguar. He’s scowling, but when he sees it’s Robert who kicked him, the scowl evaporates into a smile.
“What are you doing here?” Aaron asks bemusedly, standing up and wiping his greasy hands on his coveralls.
“I quit.” Robert announced, taking a step closer into Aaron’s space. He holds onto Aaron’s forearms when Aaron tries to take a small step back.
“You what?” Aaron’s eyes widen and looks floored by Robert’s announcement.
“I quit. I realized there was no point in trying to make my dad happy. It was never going to happen.” Robert says with a shrug.
“Wow.” Robert can’t figure out what Aaron’s mood is with this news. But his nerves are dispelled when Aaron grins and touches Robert’s cheek briefly. “I’m proud of ya.”
Just as he’s about to take his hand off of Robert’s cheek, Robert takes hold of Aaron’s wrist and kisses Aaron. The last vestiges of Robert’s insecurity disappears as he kisses Aaron in front of his coworkers and some clients who are waiting for their car to be serviced. Aaron smiles against the kiss and places his hands on Robert’s waist. It’s just a chaste kiss, and they’re pulling away sooner than the kiss started.
Aaron tells his boss that he’s going to take a break, to which his boss just gives a cheeky wink towards the pair of them. As they walk away from the garage, Robert takes Aaron’s hand in his. They walk without a destination holding hands until they happen upon a little beat up bench.
“So now what?” Aaron asks as they sit down.
“Dunno.” Robert confesses softly, holding Aaron’s hand against his thigh. He thinks about Jimmy’s offer, and the sketchbook that sits atop of Robert’s night stand, filled with doodles and sketches. “But I reckon I’m due some uncertainty. Is that okay?"
"'Course it is. I'm dead proud of ya." Aaron replies and rests his head against Robert’s shoulder. He idly draws lines against Robert’s thigh and they look out towards the horizon. For the first time in Robert’s life, he feels weightless, no life plan ahead of him, yet he’s anchored by Aaron’s presence, ready to take on whatever the future holds.