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Middle school is usually a time of mystery: people start to truly meet themselves and the world either blooms with colour or fades in monochromatic tones. Children grow into teenagers and start falling in love, gossiping and finding their ambitions. Hinata Shoyo is no different- he wants to experience all of this too, but his brain seems to be too fixated on the bouncy yellow, blue and white hues of his Mikasa volley ball to do something besides practise, study or hang out with his friends.
Of course there’s a situation which changes his whole reality, because everyone has that one zing moment in their life where something just pierces their heart and begs for all the attention. For Hinata, that something was rather someone; even though one could argue his true first love was volleyball, he thinks Kageyama Tobio will always fight for said spot.
The fateful match between Yukigaoka and Kitagawa Daiichi leaves Shoyo empty when it comes to sports accomplishments, but his heart convinces his mind there is absolute no bigger care in the world than the way Kageyama’s eyes upon him unsettled his core.
In a split matter of seconds, Hinata sees flashes of a warm household turning cold as baby blue eyes turn a stone shade of sapphire that matches the uniform facing him on the other side of the net. He can tell apart pain, confusion and the growing thorn of loneliness.
“What were you doing for the past three years?” a sorrowful voice provokes him, making Hinata cringe at the way his soul seems to reply searching for you.
That’s the sentence that pretty much sums up his summer holidays. Whenever he goes out with his friends, Hinata never forgets to look around in an obvious search for the boy who made his heart race and wonder in the space of half an hour when they shared court. Lying in bed at night, he tries to chase away the figure of a smiley, contented Kageyama who traces his cheeks with hesitant yet thankful lips.
By the beginning of Hinata’s first year at high school, he’s pretty sure crushes at first sight must exist, even if the concept itself is quite ridiculous. His sister has been insistent on making sure he knows just how much she believes in soulmates and how he must be destined to meet the “scary pretty boy” again (he wonders why he thought telling his ten year old sister about his feelings for some random boy was a good idea).
Maybe Natsu is right, he thinks as he walks into Karasuno’s gym and finds none other than Kageyama practicing a jump serve. Their reencounter is as chaotic as Hinata’s heart felt all summer, filled with accusations and piercing eyes looking him up and down.
It’s safe to say his first year at high school doesn’t go as pictured, but he thinks maybe it’s well deserved since he seemed so fond of falling in love back in middle school. Tobio becomes a little less like unbreakable ice and a bit more like a popsicle- sweet and refreshing when the time is right. They go from constant fighting to occasionally bickering and Hinata really likes it, simply putting it.
Second year is quite more explicit, if Hinata is allowed to use that word to explain it. There are some tears and a lot of testing moments to his sanity but he pulls through in the end. Of course this is a bit of exaggeration from teenager memories, so let’s step back for second and formulate.
Kageyama doesn’t look particularly angry anymore, but he doesn’t really smile brightly either. He spends so much time at Hinata’s house after practice that he already has a pair of pyjamas and a tooth brush there and nobody (incredibly, not even Natsu) questions when he shyly says he has nobody to warn about where he’s staying the night.
It was just another day at dinner with Hinata’s father talking enthusiastically to Kageyama about future plans when son slipped out of his tongue, hitting the young boy straight in the face. He remained with a soft blush throughout the whole meal and, from time to time, he would blink nervously while staring at his plate.
When Shoyo was done putting Natsu to bed, he walked into his room to a crying Tobio. He knew exactly why, no words needed, so he just sat next to him in bed and opened his arms invitingly. Surprisingly, his best friend accepted with such strength, they were sent down against the mattress with the force of monstrous yet quiet sobs.
They shared a bed that night with no questions asked and Hinata still saves the fond memory of how Kageyama falls asleep faster if someone plays with his hair all to himself.
It’s quite obvious by this order of events that the older of them continues to learn how to fall in love wholeheartedly with the other. By the third year of high school, life was a constant struggle between staying quiet and straight up confessing. Hinata might have thrown one too many compliments at his excellent genius setter who is going to reach international levels (you know, just in case the first years haven’t quite grasped it yet), only if to see the other’s mouth wobble with his now characteristic minimal smile.
After admitting how bad he feels to constantly intrude their family meals, Tobio decides to eat all his meals at home so he won’t economically overload the family who has been his sunshine every day- even after being told countless times he is no bother at all.
He still sleeps there almost every day though, so the boys often fight over how dangerous it is to bike the mountain at night, until he finally accepts Hinata-san’s offer to pick him up every day on his way from work. The futon is rarely used now, unless Natsu wants to sleep next to her “big brothers”. She’s actually so incredibly close to Kageyama that Shoyo became used to the image of getting home with his mother from running errands and finding them napping on the couch, her little red head on top of his stable chest.
Even after all those rollercoaster years of victory and loss, filled with tears and strong hugs, their relationship still hadn’t moved one inch. Yes, they had grown from enemies to friends and finally best friends, most likely destined to be at each other’s hip for eternity, but Hinata was still very much in love with the little cranky boy who had defeated him in middle school. But graduation was coming slowly upon them and it meant a lot of things, it meant too many things, so there was no space for a confession.
And so, the days continue to drag by as something in Tobio’s eyes grows emotional and distant, contradicting the space between them in Shoyo’s bed. Time feels way too fast and not even their morning races to school have enough speed to catch up with it.
Finally, graduation day arrives. They make a silent pact to separate for the day, which somehow installs a certain peace on such a final day. It will be like just another weekend, when each one of them goes to their home and sleep on their own bed while secretly wishing for Monday to come once more (except it won’t).
Yachi begs for a last family picture with tear-brimmed eyes and all the boys comply instantly, because that’s what they are and will always be- family. By the end of the day, Shoyo is tired of rubbing his eyes clean from all the stupid salty water that keeps on falling but it still feels worth it.
“See you later, Kageyama!” he shouts, swallowing down the lump on his throat and all the pent up love which could spill out anytime soon.
“Yeah… See you later,” the other replies with a slight smile, bangs too short on his face but still incredibly perfect at adorning Tobio’s features to the point it physically hurts to think about going away.
However, Shoyo has a dream and he’d be damned if he didn’t follow through with it; he has to go, no matter how strongly emotion blinds his eyes from the road on the way home and how many texts he ends up sending Kageyama throughout the year they have left until Brazil comes and sweeps everything away.
It doesn’t take long, after all. Kageyama is busy with practices and Shoyo has to study hard so his English can be at least acceptable for foreigners to understand. Without noticing, he’s suddenly packing, bidding his family goodbye at the airport with one member missing and no reply to his farewell text.
Landing in Brazil becomes quite a blessing to busy his mind because of the crazy amount of things to do: there’s so little time to go over a new work schedule, meet his new partner and attempt communication with his flatmate that checking his notifications becomes a nuisance. Only when melancholy catches up and Hinata starts missing Japan does he remember to unlock his phone to do something besides warn his parents that everything is okay.
Sitting on the end of his notification bar is a long text from Kageyama, one he is profoundly scared to read. Instead, he closes his eyes and screenshots it, peeking suspiciously at his phone to make sure everything is saved before he deletes it and texts a very convincing I’m only reading whatever dumbass thing you wrote when I defeat you on a new box with his best friend’s number and hitting send. Something in his stomach churns uncomfortably so he starts cooking dinner, only if to convince himself it was simply hunger.
Slowly but steadily, Shoyo finds a way to deal with this feeling Pedro has taught him to be saudade- something stronger than a simple yearning for home, akin to having his chest ripped apart. He finds a temporary family in Heitor and Nice, who he will always associate with the pleasant feeling of a volley ball crashing against his palm as the sun sets behind the ocean, without disregarding his true family, who he starts contacting more often.
Gradually, the texts shared with Tobio also grow in number and their speed of response beats records compared to what it used to be during high school. Shoyo might still have no courage to fully watch his friend’s matches on TV, but he keeps track of the scores and lets the other occasionally rant about the plays he pulled off or faced.
When the Rio Olympics run by and he finds another long text from Kageyama, apologizing for being too busy to drop by, Hinata cries for the first time in a while.
It starts discreetly, a small tear by the corner of his left eye running over his new sun-kissed freckles, growing into slight sobs which have Pedro looking worriedly at him. Then, when they make eye contact for a split second, the sobs grow monstrously, making his chest heave as ugly whimpers and stronger tears cascade down his chin. His flatmate throws him a pack of tissues in the middle of the panic and they end up seating in an awkward side hug until exhaustion takes over, wet phone on the floor with a small that’s ok as a reply.
So he keeps growing and working, practising and meditating- he plays volleyball, bikes and does yoga until his muscles ache, sometimes not very pleasantly. As long as he can get this beautiful phase of his life over with and reach the spotlight waiting for him, everything will be okay- even missing his parents, Natsu and foolish Kageyama Tobio.
Years fly by again, allowing this boy turned man to go back home quicker than it felt like. Being at the airport to be picked up instead of left behind felt way greater than Shoyo could have ever imagined and, this time, he was relieved Tobio hadn’t showed up- he personally asked him not to, begging to have their game against each other being first time they see each other again. It was a bit childish and it felt like being fifteen all over again, but he really thought their game would be proof of how he won, no matter the final results. It was fun to have Yamaguchi pick him up though, to have a little taste of Karasuno reminiscence on his first day back.
If there was anything which could make him happier than hugging Natsu tightly and watching how much she had grown, it had to be entering the Black Jackals practise session for the first time.
The weather was smooth on his still tanned skin, a small breeze blowing the heated sun away from his cheeks. Out of excitement, he had accidentally crumpled the already sweat-stained paper where he had jotted down a small map to get to the right place. Going inside, the first reaction he got was a loud yell from one of the players which completely put everyone’s warming-up sessions into a full stop. There stood Bokuto Koutaro, taller and surely more powerful if his broad shoulders and strong thighs were anything to go by, and he still remembered his little high school junior.
“Bokuto-san! How have you been?” he started cheerfully, sparing a side glance at Miya Atsumu and a man he faintly remembered as Sakusa Kiyoomi.
So yes, maybe having some high school acquaintances (or rivals) on the team was nice; but nothing beat the feeling of having a professional setter toss to him so perfectly there was even a slight chance to match the feeling of having Tobio back at his side on court.
As time always seems to run by faster when you’re having fun, the fated match arrives: Hinata’s first professional game with MSBY Black Jackals against the almighty Schweiden Adlers. Instead of feeling intimidated and anxious like in high school, he feels fulfilled and excited, insides bubbling with glee. If everything goes just fine, by the end of the game and all post-match media gibberish, there will be an old screenshot waiting for him on his phone’s gallery, safely tucked away yet so present in memory.
As a precaution, Shoyo walks himself to the bathroom, purely positive about his destiny in the few next hours. His body and mind are both in perfect condition, excited for what seems like it might be the day he is reborn. Suddenly, a broad chest comes into his vision and the usual bickering starts before his brain can properly comprehend this is the first time he’s standing face to face with the love of his high school years. He quickly dodges the hand coming to grab his head and thanks yoga for all the extra flexibility it gave him.
“Ah! I think I could even beat you in an arm wrestling contest now,” he provokes.
“Wanna try me?” Tobio immediately challenges, expression so familiar.
“Later!” Hinata finds himself immediately promising, revelling on the way the other’s eyes turn a brighter blue with intimacy, akin to what they once shared during their golden age of seventeen. It lits a fire of pure happiness inside his lungs and there’s a big flashlight banging on his heart just telling him read the damn text now- but he can’t, not until the game is over.
Atsumu drops by, so do Bokuto, Hoshiumi and Ushijima, and the flame tames itself as both teams joke around until it’s time to part ways. There’s something different about the way Kageyama holds himself now and Hinata can see a slight shadow of the angry Kitagawa Daiichi boy he met walking the opposite way the new grown man is thriving towards, unlocking something new for both of them and so hard to look away from.
Even during the game, he can’t help but stare.
His concentration is on top today and Hinata truly feels one with the court, the ball and its players. He can tell perfectly where his teammates are located, which play they’ll go for and where to hit. The view from the top is perfectly clear for him but he knows it has nothing to do with the incredible teamwork or the perfect rivals: if it wasn’t for Karasuno pushing him forward into following his dreams and the undeniable desire to stay on court longer, he wouldn’t have come this far. After all the years fighting for a chance, he finally gives himself the well-deserved merit for all his self-accomplishments as he makes temporary eye contact with Kageyama.
“We’re on TV Hinata, be less obvious! Akaashi was so right,” Bokuto whispers while the next player prepares himself to serve, thankfully at a volume only the boy he addressed to can hear (he blushes at what the comment implies and prays it’s not noticeable mixed with all the sweat).
The game continues and more looks are traded between Shoyo and Tobio, usually accompanied with a smile, a challenging smirk or something else entirely new and empowering. The timer keeps on running and the numbers favour Black Jackals widely until there’s a whistle blowing and the crowd erupts in glee at the final score.
Hinata’s mind goes absolutely blank, the yells coming from a sea of bodies surrounding him becoming a simple background song to the loud beat of his heart.
He feels himself being lifted from the floor for a small amount of time, probably Bokuto trying to show him off to the cameras, and in that span of time his eyes land on Kageyama’s once more, never ready for what he would find: the boy was already looking at him, sweet toothy smile slightly slashed by the net but so clear in Shoyo’s mind. His eyes crinkle slowly as his smile grows impossibly wider and he surely raises his arm, closed fist pumping in pride towards Shoyo.
In that moment, something strung inside his heart, just like when they met for the first time back in middle school. Instead of baby blue turning dark sapphire, there was a gorgeous tone of aquamarine illuminating his best friend’s eyes- something entirely theirs. The household he saw fading into loneliness flashed before him bright again, more filled with love than ever.
Somehow, it felt like coming back home to Shoyo too.
He pumps his own fist in the air towards Tobio before his feet settle on the ground again, adrenaline kicking in harder than during the game. As both teams bow, shake hands and thank the public so the match can be officially ended, Hinata runs solely on pure excitement of what the future seems to hold for him.
Atsumu goes through the correct etiquette for TV interviews again as they wait in line for their short commentary on how the game went, but the other boy isn’t thoroughly paying attention. He knows everything he should plus shouldn’t do by heart, and if that wasn’t enough to cut his attention span then the itch for a cold shower and that dumb text he ignored years ago certainly is. For now, all he can do is discreetly peek at the Schweiden Adlers line to see which one of them will be interviewed first.
When the kind lady from the TV station finally lets him go, no player is nearby, much to his disappointment. Hinata ends up striding as quickly as possible towards the locker-room, muscles tensing lovingly at the wished cold shower. When he’s done, right eye still stinging slightly from when he let shampoo fall down his curls, he dashes to his assigned locker and changes to the Black Jackals official attire- black sweatpants with golden stripes, a golden jacket with a black collar and a simple black shirt to go underneath. He gets dressed so fast he can feel the pressure of Sakusa’s stare apply tension down his spine and make his legs tremble a bit, a clear judgement at the rustle he’s making.
Everyone is still riding the wave of happiness from their big win when Shoyo slides out of the locker-room unnoticed, the grip on his phone so hard his fingers keep pressing the unlocking button. The light flashes a couple of times until the boy notices and sucks in an excited breath, shaky and devoid of all the initial serotonin drowning his thoughts subsequent to their win against the Adlers.
He unlocks his phone and searches the picture almost faster than it had been to screenshot it all those years ago, this time peeking intensely at the scramble of letters coming together to form words… or some sort of sentence.
Sorry I wasn’t there, but begins a texts mostly formed by random key smashes, incomprehensible expressions typing syllables with no meaning for around six lines on the screen, until a misplaced I love you ends the mess which resembles Hinata’s current state of mind. There was no way Kageyama had meant this text in the first place, if the vagueness in it was anything to go by. He usually replied curtly or explained clearly what he wanted to say- this text had been saved for years at the expectative of an apology and justification as to why he hadn’t been able to hug his best friend farewell, not some type of fake hope trigger.
Strong open arms flood Shoyo’s peripheral vision and he’s enveloped on a comfortable embrace before he can even think of protesting. After all these years, Tobio still wears the same sports deodorant which mingles perfectly with the blueberry baby shampoo he stubbornly won’t give up and the smaller boy finds himself almost holding back. His arms sneak around the other’s slim waist and the arms around his neck and shoulders tighten on reflex.
“Proud of you,” Kageyama whispers on top of his head and, after reading that text which could only have been accidental, amber eyes tear up for a split second.
“I know silly, ‘m proud of you too,” Hinata finds himself answering anyway, because he had always wanted to hear those words and to be able to say them back to the one person who had filled his life with challenges and warm mornings in the middle of cold school days.
“See you at the Karasuno reunion dinner after the press talk?” Tobio asks, taking two steps back towards the already waiting Adlers members.
“Sure! Can we go to my family’s place after? I read your text, we need to catch up,” he questions back, raising his right eyebrow as if warning there’s no way to escape this.
“I’ll take you to my place… Later then,” Kageyama answers, cheeks flustering further, resembling a sunset in the way their light hides away from Hinata as his friend turns back to his new team. He chuckles contentedly when Hoshiumi pats the taller boy way too enthusiastically and then walks away, searching for the rest of the Jackals.
Press call was easier than he had thought it would be. He didn’t have to do much talk in the end, the task mostly going to their coach and captain, so he settled with smiling brightly at the cameras thinking of all the scenarios running through his mind; the national team coach had just introduced himself to him! Hinata had a chance to step on a worldwide level stage and he had been given such opportunity based on his own sweat and tears. Needless to say, it was the first thing he blurted out when he walked inside the restaurant and faced his Karasuno school mates for the first time since he left for Brazil.
Yachi cried, a panicked Yamaguchi stroking her back for comfort. Kageyama was back to smiling once more and Tsukishima couldn’t avoid but playfully roll his eyes at them, even though his voice showed how excited he truly was for his friend. The third years were ecstatic, Sugawara jumping to squeeze him hard while the other boys ordered some drinks to celebrate. Tanaka and Kiyoko were just as happy, but everyone was too focused on their wedding rings to look anywhere but their hands.
The dinner didn’t take a long time since it was getting late already, though it still was a blessed gift to fight back the painful nostalgia of all those years feeling like he was alone on foreign grounds. Pedro was absolutely right: saudade was a complicated concept to grasp, it involved a lot of heartbreak, but made everything more beautiful when you finally had it back.
Hinata didn’t drink much, even after visiting night clubs with Nice and Heitor he couldn’t grow much love for alcohol, but there was still a slight buzz on his veins when he bid goodbye to everyone with Kageyama by his side. Maybe it was the anticipation of what they had to discuss, maybe it was the prospect of being alone with him again- whatever it was, it made the night breeze feel hotter and the moon brighter, kissing the younger’s face in places he wanted to visit instead.
He was so unfairly beautiful.
“Sorry if the place is a bit messier than it used to, my sister was here last week and she’s quiet the hurricane… I think you know so too,” Tobio interrupted his yearning with such a surprising statement, Shoyo’s mind turned upside down.
“You have a sister? We’ve been best friends for more than five years and I never knew?”
“We weren’t really close back then, there were some issues but it’s all in the past now. She came back around third year but I had no idea how to tell you, that’s why I started going over less and why I that stupid text went like it did,” he frowns pensively as he swings the door open and lets them inside. “I’m really sorry, you can just forget all about it or something. So, what do you want to watch?”
There’s an awkward silence between them at such question as Shoyo concludes he really had read too much into it. He wants to hide his frustration, it’s not like he hasn’t been hiding his feelings for years now, yet something impossible to hold back grows inside him. Before he can continue being victim of that dumb stare, he just blurts out what is going inside his heart.
“Do you really want me to forget about it? I bet you can’t even tell me the full story behind it while looking in my eyes,” he dares, knowing it’s the easiest way to break towards the truth.
Truly, they do go on a staring contest for a considerate amount of time, but Kageyama ends up turning almost scarlet red either with embarrassment or anger at the conclusion there is no way he’ll win this time. Wordlessly, they walk their way towards the black couch which witnessed so many matches with them all those years ago, the greyish carpet a little rougher on their toes. Everything about tonight feels like a door towards worlds stuck in the past.
“I didn’t want to go see you off at the airport because I thought it would feel too much like you were going away for real, okay? That’s why I was typing the text, but Miwa got home and got mad I was being stubborn so she started fighting for my phone… Then she got it and wrote that and just hit send and ugh,” he declares all in one go, tone a little close to a self-forced confession. His eyebrows kept on contorting adorably on his now exposed forehead, eyes shining with doubt when hit with the white ceiling lamp.
“Wait a second… Why would your sister write something like that? Did she mean it? I mean, did you mean it?” Shoyo sighs baffled, hope flowing his chest hard once more as the lips in front of him waver in a way which accentuates the secrets held behind them.
In that chilly yet comfortable night, after one of Hinata Shoyo’s best days ever since the match between Yukigaoka and Kitagawa Daiichi, he falls in love harder than he already had throughout his teenager years. There’s a giddy giggle escaping his throat before he can fully comprehend the speed of his pulse and he simply throws himself on top of the other boy, surprise throwing them off balance and out of the couch.
And no matter how many questions Kageyama asks him, all Hinata can answer back is I love you and I love you so much, emotion threatening to spill out of his eyes again.
“Get off of me Shoyo, for God’s sake! What do you mean you love me?” the boy who got mobbed yells quiet loudly, refocusing the mood.
There’s a lot going on at once: firstly, Kageyama just said his first name for the absolute first time; secondly, his voice sounded strained and there’s a small wet patch under both of his eyes; last, but not least, his face looks so purely happy it contorts reality and blurs all background images until all Hinata can focus on is the gorgeous man whose lap he accidentally yet gladly stumbled upon.
“I have loved you since we were 15 and I don’t think I’ll ever stop. Is that okay?” he light-heartedly exclaims, feeling the weight on his shoulders fully disappear when he squishes the other’s trembling cheeks.
“I think so,” Tobio manages in between tears, trying hard not to sob and maintain his composed image. However, he has nothing to hide from Hinata, never had, even in the beginning of it all- they have always been the perfect match, either in rivalry, partnership or love, and they both know so even if it’s left unsaid.
After some minutes, Kageyama’s tears still haven’t stopped. Hinata keeps drying them only to have the wet trail back again the following second, and the cheeks he is holding turn red from constant friction. His heart constricts harder as time flies by and he unconsciously starts worrying as to why the other feels so emotional, even if his instinct tells him why from the emptiness on the fully dreamy blue staring at him.
Shoyo doubts from some seconds, biting his lips until they sting, and then leans in to drop a small peck on Tobio’s lips. It’s a very slight touch, barely noticeable unless one was looking for it, yet still enough to leave him giggling with pure glee.
“Is this okay?” he asks, boldness disappearing slightly at the scrutiny of a single dazed eye looking at him, the other blinked shut. It probably is, because there is no time for him to formulate further on the questions pilling up on his mind as Tobio pulls him in for another kiss, this time longer.
Hinata feels a stable grip on his waist as the younger boy lowers them to the ground, face mostly dry now. There’s an instinct to focus on tastes, maybe on the way the carpet carves against his supporting palm or Kageyama’s toned stomach flexes under him, but nothing can surpass the feeling of belonging shared in their touch. If there’s anything he deserves more than his professional volleyball career, it has to be this kiss, this evening: to be able to see a new side of the one he has devoted his whole heart to in secret for almost a third of his life, to share a moment with a meaning deeper than love itself.
“We’re dating, right?” he jokingly questions, dropping a kiss on Tobio’s forehead.
“Of course we are, you shouldn’t even have to ask dumbass,” he tries to reply sincerely, ending up laughing at Shoyo’s silly expression of pure bliss.
For the rest of the night, the two of them lie in bed with makeshift pyjamas, warm blankets and dim lights, enjoying the honesty of getting to know the moments in each other’s lives when they weren’t present. The moonlight joins them shyly through the cracks in the curtains, lighting up their exploring kisses with reflections worthy of being in a museum. When Kageyama talks about his grandfather, his words are captured with a careful gaze and comforting fingers running through his hair; when Hinata admits how deeply he missed him in Brazil, he is gifted with a storm of kisses around his cheeks and a nose playfully sliding down his neck.
And maybe Natsu was right- from the way Shoyo can see through Tobio so well, they just might be soulmates.