Work Text:
I wanna know everything about you
I want to have your heart
I don’t wanna know if it’s not you
Just stay like that for a moment
pluhmm - ha:tfelt
The party wasn’t, after all, the end of the world as Sunwoo had predicted.
The booze was nice, and the music selection was great. There were maybe one too many people shirtless, but he figured that was less about attention and more about the vibe. That’s how Eric had described it to him, anyway.
“Do I even want to know what you mean by that,” Sunwoo sighed as Eric threw one of Sunwoo’s shirts at him, three hours earlier, trying to convince him to just pick a nice shirt and come along with him to the party.
“It’s just, I don’t know. They’re artistic,” Eric said, staring ahead like he was a character in a historical romance novel, holding yet another one of Sunwoo’s shirts. He was making a mess of his closet. “They have this vibe, like they don’t have a care in the world. Like… Like they’re extras in an Ariana video. It’s very hot.”
“It might be that you just find that particular guy very hot.”
“Possibly. But his friends are nice too, you’ll see.”
Sunwoo did see. People were having fun, and it was a lot less about yelling into each other’s faces and a lot more about drunkenly slow-dancing together to Lorde. Which is to say, that was a different scene from what Sunwoo was used to, but that was good. The parties he tried to go to when he started at college were a lot less civilized than this; technically, he knew university meant a plethora of different scenes, but he hadn’t tried to wander outside his own circle as a P.E major since then. But now, Eric’s newfound interest in theater—for reasons Sunwoo could not begin to understand—meant that they had started to walk more around the arts department. That had worsened when Eric started crushing on a dance major with whom he exchanged two words once, weeks before.
So here Sunwoo was, nursing a beer, watching the party around him with mild interest after Eric had left him to go find his crush. (“He’s not just a crush, he’s the love of my life.” “It’s a crush.” “Why must you hurt me this way?”) He was scrolling through Twitter when someone plopped down on the couch next to him.
He looked up at the same time as the guy looked at him. Sunwoo didn’t know him, but he could tell two things right away: a) he was tipsy, and b) he was drop-dead gorgeous.
“Hi,” the guy said with a big, goofy smile. He was sweaty—he had been dancing, and Sunwoo was thankful for the fact that his shirt was exactly where it was supposed to be. “I don’t think I’ve seen you around.”
Sunwoo, surprised that they were even talking in the first place, sputtered, “I—Hi. Yeah, no, I—I don’t usually come out to these parties. Not my scene.”
“Yeah?” The guy leaned back to rest his head on the couch, still smiling. (Still gorgeous.) “What’s your scene?”
What was Sunwoo’s scene? “Good question. Not sure I have one.”
The guy laughed, a loud, high-pitched laugh that was a stark contrast to his looks. It made him look younger, and tipsier, too. “You’re funny. I’m Younghoon.”
He offered a hand that Sunwoo took still a little puzzled. “Sunwoo. I didn’t mean to be funny.”
“That makes it even better! You’re naturally funny,” Younghoon said, shaking his hand excitedly for a second. “Wanna dance?”
“What?”
“Please?” Younghoon pouted—as if he needed to beg to get someone to dance with him, ignoring Sunwoo’s deer in the headlights look—and pulled on the hand he was still holding. “I’m drunk!”
“Visibly.”
“So dance with me!”
He pulled Sunwoo up with him, who had no choice but to pocket his phone and hold tight onto his beer. Younghoon noticed it and took the bottle from him, taking a swig out of it before setting it down on the end table next to the couch. He looked at Sunwoo, eyes bright and full of giddiness, and pulled him into the crowd.
Sunwoo wasn’t entirely sure what led him to let Younghoon, a virtual stranger that was a lot taller than he looked sitting down, drag him to dance. At a party. A party where he knew pretty much no one. Like that was not one of Sunwoo’s worst nightmares. He had been bored, and he did like to dance, but that wasn’t enough of an explanation to his own ears. All he knew was that he let Younghoon pull him in, dangerously close, and let Younghoon’s smile guide him through the beat. Younghoon danced like he talked—abrupt, carefree, straightforward. He wasn’t trying to impress anyone as much as he was trying to have fun. He was holding Sunwoo by his waist, laughing against his ear, not really caring about dancing right, just letting his body move of its own accord. It all felt a bit surreal to Sunwoo, who had never had that happen to him. He was self-conscious at first, his limbs betraying him by refusing to move as freely as those of the people around him, but Younghoon was still pulling him in, still smiling, still looking like he was having the time of his life. So Sunwoo tried that, too. He focused on that stranger with a big smile and enough energy for both of them, and let himself go.
A couple of songs later, Younghoon leaned in to try to kiss him. Sunwoo was so surprised that he pulled back, heart stopping for a second then pumping louder and faster at the way Younghoon’s smile fell. Sunwoo muttered something like I gotta go that Younghoon couldn’t possibly have heard above the music and dashed out of the crowd, scanning the party for Eric. When he couldn’t find him, he decided to just leave without him.
Yeah, that was probably a good idea.
He left the house in such a hurry that when he was finally out, breathing in the cold night air, he felt silly. Stupid, really. There was no need to run away like that, no matter how wildly his heart was beating against his chest. He didn’t even know why he panicked in the first place. Did he panic? It looked like it, didn’t it?
Or maybe he did know why. But he chose to ignore the voice of reason in his brain, sending a quick text to Eric to let him know he’d be going home first.
Four days and the imminent prospect of Sunwoo missing the deadline for one of the many essays he was falling behind on had managed to push the party out of his mind. Eric had been surprisingly tight-lipped about what happened that night, too, so it was all for the best. At least that’s what Sunwoo tried to tell himself when he looked up from his laptop screen to see a tall, runaway-model figure crossing the cafe right in front of him towards the counter.
Sunwoo took a sip of his juice, trying to make his brain work faster. Should he greet him? Should he call him over? Should he apologize? What for? Maybe he should hide. Was there enough time to hide? He was looking right at Younghoon when the man turned around and their eyes met. The corner of Younghoon’s lips went up in friendly recognition, and Sunwoo’s very tired, very overworked brain thought that the ideal response was to smile back. So he did. Spilling juice all over himself.
Luckily for him, Younghoon’s order had just been called, so he missed Sunwoo making an idiot of himself. Eric, sitting right next to him and highlighting what looked like the entirety of the text he was reading, stopped to stare at Sunwoo.
“Did you just… drool?”
“Shut up.” Sunwoo dabbed furiously at his chin and at his sweatshirt with three napkins, feeling his neck hot.
“No, seriously, what just happened?”
“Hey,” a voice said, making both of them look up. Younghoon was there, holding a coffee cup and looking for all the world like he had just walked out of a magazine shoot, long coat and swept hair included. He was smiling again, at Sunwoo. “Sunwoo, right? I’ll be quick, don’t worry, I just wanted to apologize for the other night…”
“Apologize? You?” Sunwoo asked, surprised. Eric was watching the exchange with eyes as big as saucers.
“Yeah, I was a little drunk. I think I misread the signs pretty bad,” he chuckled, and the model-like exterior morphed into that of a young college boy all over again, just like at the party. “So anyway, that was my bad. I apologize. Sorry if I made you uncomfortable, or—“
“No, that’s ok,” Sunwoo said, quickly. “You don’t need to apologize, that’s—It’s fine, you didn’t make me uncomfortable. Sorry I ran away like that. I mean. Walked away. Very coolly.”
“No, you ran away,” Younghoon said with a smirk. He chuckled again at Sunwoo’s embarrassed smile, “It’s fine. I’m just glad I ran into you now. You come here often?”
“Sometimes,” Sunwoo said. He didn’t get a chance to add anything before he felt Eric stepping on his foot under the table, hard.
“Would you like to sit down? Here,” Eric asked Younghoon over Sunwoo’s whispered what the fuck?, all pleasant smiles and helpful hands as he started to clear one side of the table. Younghoon shook his head.
“No, sorry, got a class right now. I’m actually running late already, so,” he shrugged with a smile that was completely unbothered. “It was nice seeing you again,” he told Sunwoo before nodding politely at Eric and walking away and out of the cafe.
Eric chose the moment the door closed behind him to punch Sunwoo in the arm.
“Ouch—What the fuck is wrong with you today?!”
“That was Kim Younghoon!” Eric pointed at the door, hissing at Sunwoo accusingly. “The Kim Younghoon that’s tagged in half of Changmin’s pictures on Instagram. How the fuck do you know him? And why on Earth didn’t you flirt back?”
“I don’t know him! And he wasn’t flirting with me, that wasn’t flirting.”
Eric gesticulated wildly for a second, like an angry baby chick fighting an urge to curse, or scream. “Of course he was! And of course you do! What did he mean, you ran away?”
“We met at the party,” Sunwoo began. Then he stopped, because there was no way to explain what happened next and make it sound less ridiculous. He sighed. “We danced, he tried to kiss me, I turned around and left. Happy?”
Eric blinked at him. Once, twice. “He tried to kiss you?”
“Fuck you.”
“No, I just mean—It’s Younghoon. He’s like. Very popular and very rich and very unattainable, last time I checked. Which was last night, because I was going through Changmin’s Facebook pictures again.”
“You gotta know you sound like a stalker.”
“I’m in love! And don’t change the topic.”
“What does it even mean, he’s ‘unattainable’? You make him sound like the main character in a drama.”
“That’s because he is one.” Eric leaned in closer, whispering conspiratorially. “He just doesn’t seem to date? Or hook up with anyone, ever? I had to ask around and dig through some Instagram feeds because I thought he and Changmin might be, you know, a thing, but no one actually saw him with anyone. Ever. Well, not ever, since he got here three years ago, but still. That’s a pretty long time to go without snogging someone in public. It’s college.”
“Maybe he just doesn’t want to,” Sunwoo offered, shrugging.
“But he tried to kiss you.”
“He was drunk?”
“He was literally just flirting with you. Very sober. Right in front of my salad.”
Sunwoo drank the rest of his juice, buying himself some time to think. Younghoon had seemed nice at the party, but he figured it could’ve been just alcohol-induced friendliness—he had been a little buzzed himself, after all. That exchange there? That was new territory that Sunwoo didn’t know how to navigate.
“He’s way out of my league,” he said simply, sucking noisily on the straw.
Eric groaned, falling forward until he hit his forehead on his fully-highlighted texts. He knocked his head on the table a couple of times. Sunwoo was unimpressed.
“If you let this guy go,” Eric said, voice muffled against the papers. “I swear, I will murder you in your sleep.”
“Wow, threatening murder because I’m not sacrificing myself to get you your dream boy’s number… Should’ve known.”
Eric looked up at him with wide eyes. “It’s not even about that! I mean, yes, please hook up with Changmin’s best friend so I can get closer to him, but that’s not what’s pissing me off. Sunwoo, why did we become friends in the first place?”
Sunwoo squinted at him. His laptop screen went on energy saving mode, but he didn’t even flinch. “Because… we’re both losers?”
“Exactly. This,” Eric pointed to nothing, encompassing the space Younghoon had been standing on. “This doesn’t happen to us. That’s why I need to watch Changmin’s InstaStories using Juyeon hyung’s account, because I’m a no one with zero game.”
“Wait, why does he let you use his account?”
“He’s a good friend.”
“Why does he follow Changmin? How does he even know him?”
“Not the point! The point is, that’s why I can’t just sit and watch as you ignore someone like Kim Younghoon flirting with you.”
Sunwoo pressed a key on his keyboard to get the screen to light up again. He didn’t meet Eric’s eyes as he said, “I wouldn’t even know what to do.”
Because that was true. He wouldn’t know. He had never been very popular in school, taking far too long to mature out of his asshole teenager phase, and by the time he had gone to college, most of his friends were way more experienced than him. That, coupled with the realization that he might not be as straight as he thought himself to be, had been enough to turn him into the most introverted extrovert in their group of friends. He could make friends wherever he went, he was adored by the professors of the classes he actually liked but when it came down to romance and everything that it entailed, Sunwoo just didn’t have what it took. Which in turn meant that he had absolutely no idea what to do with someone interested in him, let alone someone as hot and put-together as Younghoon seemed to be.
That was how he ended up walking into yet another party, the next week. Eric had enlisted their roommates for help, so now Sunwoo was following Juyeon into the crowded apartment, surprised to see him greet way more people than he’d expect, considering this was very clearly a liberal arts dept party. He had plenty of reasons not to be doing this: he thought he’d make a fool of himself, probably fuck up any chances he might’ve had with Younghoon as soon as he opened his mouth; he thought he could’ve just misread Younghoon’s intentions, too, which would be humiliating. Not to mention, this was his second party in a month. That was already way more than what he was used to.
Juyeon led him to the kitchen to get drinks. Sunwoo didn’t recognize anyone, which is to say he didn’t spot Younghoon in the crowd, since he was the only person he could really recognize here. (And Changmin, Eric’s unsuspecting crush, but he didn’t see Changmin either.)
“Dude, relax,” Juyeon patted him on the shoulder with the easy, broad smile of someone who had never experienced an ounce of anxiety in his life. “He isn’t here yet. C’mere, lemme introduce you to some people.”
It was another hour and a half before Sunwoo looked up from the conversation he was having with a group of people—Juyeon had excused himself a while ago—and saw him. Younghoon was chatting with Changmin and another boy who was just as pretty as them, and Sunwoo’s stomach did a weird flip at the sight of Younghoon’s smile. He looked even more gorgeous tonight, if that was somehow possible. Sunwoo wanted to go there and talk to him, because honestly, what did he have to lose? Other than his dignity, that is. But his legs wouldn’t move, nervousness getting the better of him. He didn’t know how to do this, any of this, and this had been a bad idea from the start, and maybe he should just leave and accept that he’d die alone with his right hand as his only faithful companion and—
“You know them?” One of the guys in front of him asked. Sunwoo looked back at him, at his dark eyeliner and the playful smirk on his lips. Hyunjoon, he thought was his name. No one else was listening to their conversation, the rest of the group engrossed in a discussion. “I can introduce you, if you want.”
“I know one of them,” Sunwoo said. “Younghoon. Well. ‘Know’ is a bit of a stretch, I met him once.”
“Wanna go talk to him?”
Sunwoo opened and closed his mouth like a fish for a second. “I—Yes. Sort of. Yeah.”
Hyunjoon giggled, pulling Sunwoo by the hand. “You’re adorable,” he said over his shoulder, taking Sunwoo through the crowd. “Hyung!” He called as they approached the other three. “How’s it going?”
The three boys turned to the sound of his voice, then to Sunwoo right by his side. Changmin looked mildly curious, the third boy looked completely uninterested, and Younghoon…
“Sunwoo!” He beamed at him. “Hi!”
“Hey,” Sunwoo smiled back, so, so giddy to be there, on the receiving end of that smile.
“Oh, you’re Eric’s friend!” Changmin said, startling him. “I knew you looked familiar.”
“You know Eric?”
“Yeah, he hangs out with the theater peeps. With Hyunjoonie here,” Changmin indicated Eyeliner Boy with his drink. Hyunjoon winked at him. “You should bring him around next time, he’s very cute.”
“You’re so shameless,” the third, unnamed boy said with a laugh.
“He is, though? I’m not lying?”
Sunwoo watched the back and forth with a smile. He couldn’t remember why he had been nervous to approach in the first place. Not when Younghoon was still smiling so wide, at him. He was so pretty. Sunwoo felt a sudden boost of confidence that he tried his best not to question. Instead, he looked at Younghoon and said, “Can I talk to you for a sec?”
“Sure.”
He walked out of their small circle, ignoring unnamed boy’s go get ‘em, tiger and following Sunwoo through the crowd. The party was happening at an apartment that could’ve been big but that was so crowded that night, it felt like a matchbox. Sunwoo found them an empty spot between a bookshelf and an open doorway, leaning against the wall and watching Younghoon do the same. They were close, and Sunwoo was surprised at first; again, that was new territory for him. But he was determined not to screw this up. Or try not, at the very least.
“So,” he started.
Younghoon smirked. “So.”
“I’m sorry I ran away last time. I don’t know how to do this, to be completely honest.”
“Do what?”
“This. You’re really... attractive. It’s very intimidating.”
Younghoon chuckled, “Thanks. You’re hot.”
Sunwoo blinked, taken aback. That made Younghoon laugh harder.
“Did no one ever tell you you’re hot?”
“I have no idea, I just blue screened.”
“You’re so funny,” Younghoon said, leaning his head against the wall and watching Sunwoo’s face. “I kinda wanna kiss you, but I don’t want to freak you out again.”
It was so direct. Younghoon made it sound so easy, so simple. Sunwoo’s heart was thumping loudly.
“You won’t. I won’t,” Sunwoo said. “Promise.”
Younghoon studied his face for a moment longer before he leaned in and pressed his lips to Sunwoo’s. It was even better than Sunwoo imagined it would be—and God, had he imagined it since that first party. Younghoon took Sunwoo’s hand and led it to his own face, a silent plea for Sunwoo to cup his face, which Sunwoo did. From there on, it was easier. Sunwoo didn’t have to think much, because his body was doing most of the work. Younghoon was practically melting under his touch, and Sunwoo’s brain pretty much checked out when Younghoon smiled into the kiss and pulled him closer.
They exchanged numbers and agreed to meet again soon—as soon as Younghoon was done with his exams that week and Sunwoo wasn’t drowning in essays.
Sunwoo had never worked so hard to meet his deadlines.
Eric, who seemed just as determined to make that meeting happen soon, helped as much as he could, considering he was also behind on his classes. When Sunwoo looked at the time on his phone and realized it was past 11pm one Tuesday night, he turned to Eric, surprised. “Wait, weren’t the Angels playing today?”
Eric grunted in response, focusing so hard on the report he was typing he was slightly cross-eyed.
Sunwoo touched his forehead and Eric slapped his hand away, confused. “Are you sick? Since when do you not care about the Angels?”
“Since I made it my life’s mission to suck Ji Changmin’s dick.”
Sunwoo scoffed, feigning offense. “Slut.”
“Proudly so. Now pass me the cookies, please? I need sugar to understand whatever it is you wrote in these notes.”
Truth was, Sunwoo was happy to have this in-between before meeting Younghoon again. They had been texting each other daily since exchanging numbers and Sunwoo felt like he was finally getting to know Younghoon a little. He was a drama major who planned to work as a TV and film actor, for starters. He had a dog at home and what seemed like an endless supply of selfies with said dog, not that Sunwoo was complaining. He was older than Sunwoo by three years but didn’t really mind whether Sunwoo spoke casually to him or not. A lot of their messages consisted of Younghoon asking what he was doing, eating, listening to, and Sunwoo indulging by relaying how his day had been so far. He liked it, liked the fact that Younghoon sounded so earnestly interested all the time. From watching the people around him, and from his own meager experiences, Sunwoo thought this was going to be much harder; the entire getting to know someone and not going in too fast, the push-and-shove that he saw Juyeon talk about all the time.
Somehow, Younghoon made everything seem much easier.
Finally, when Younghoon announced with a series of emojis and stickers that he was done with his exams and Sunwoo felt like he wasn’t going to miss all of his deadliness, they agreed to meet at Sunwoo’s place. It had been about two weeks since that party. When he pointed it out to Younghoon he was met with a pouty selfie and a “i know :(“ that still made him smile at his phone hours later.
“You sooooo like him,” Eric said, fluffing the sofa pillows for the third time that evening. They were waiting for their guests to arrive any minute now. Eric was smiling, even though he was teasing him, and Sunwoo knew his friend was happy for him. He threw a pillow at Eric’s head for that.
Juyeon walked out of the kitchen with snacks, almost bumping into Jacob, who was kneeling by the TV rack fiddling with the bluetooth speakers. Their apartment rarely saw any action, which explained why they were a little lost with preparations.
“Do I need to charge these? I could swear they were—“
Jacob was cut off when the device finally connected to his phone, Crush’s voice booming out of the speakers at an ungodly volume. He turned it down with an apologetic smile to the others just as they heard the doorbell.
“I’ll get it!” Eric ran to the door and turned to give his roommates a dorky thumbs-up before opening it abruptly. “Hi! Please come in. I’m Eric. Hi. How’s it going.”
Younghoon walked through the door first, followed by Changmin, the pretty boy Sunwoo had seen at the party with them, and a fourth guy Sunwoo remembered vaguely from somewhere. Sunwoo stood up, nervously wiping his hands on his jeans as Younghoon spotted him and opened a big, bright smile, walking over to him.
“Hi,” Younghoon said, giving him a kiss on the cheek. That managed to throw Sunwoo off his game so fast, he barely managed to stutter a hi back. Younghoon chuckled. “This is your place?”
He looked around, and so did the others. The fourth guy, wearing a very stereotypical arts student beret, said, “It’s nice! Very… sporty.”
Sunwoo looked around, too. He had grown so used to their place that he didn’t notice it anymore, but it did really look like the den of a 30 year-old obsessed with sports. Dark leather couches, some trophies from the competitions all of them had taken part at some point, very minimal decoration aside from a poster of David Beckham that Sunwoo had put up mostly as a joke. (Mostly.)
“We like sports,” Juyeon declared, cheerfully.
Pretty Boy laughed, clearly very interested in whatever Juyeon had to say. Then he cleared his throat, embarrassed when Juyeon smiled at him.
“Sorry, introductions!” Sunwoo said then, clapping his hands. “I don’t know who knows who already but I’m Sunwoo, that’s Eric, Juyeon, and Jacob.” He pointed at each one of his friends.
Younghoon introduced his friends as Changmin, Chanhee (Pretty Boy), and Kevin (Beret Guy). Eric looked surprisingly shy now that Changmin was in front of him, greeting him with a smile and a tiny voice, while Kevin and Jacob knew each other already, immediately diving into a friendly convo that was only partially in Korean as far as Sunwoo’s ears could catch. Juyeon walked back into the kitchen to get everyone drinks.
Younghoon pulled Sunwoo by the hand to sit on the couch with him. “I missed you,” he said. He didn’t let go of Sunwoo’s hand.
“Missed you too. You look great,” Sunwoo said, because he did. Younghoon was wearing a sweater that looked big on him, surprisingly enough, but very comfortable. Sunwoo remembered how thin he was, from when they had kissed last time, and had a sudden urge to hug him and fill up the space in that sweater. He blinked, surprised at his own thoughts. “Really great.”
“You spoil me,” Younghoon said, but he was visibly pleased.
Talking to Younghoon was, like with everything else, easy. He made jokes and laughed at the dumbest things Sunwoo said, making him feel comfortable like he didn’t think was possible in that context. Dating was never this easy, this relaxed for him. He didn’t know what was so different about Younghoon—if it was his honest, transparent interest in Sunwoo, or if it was his almost childish friendliness, an easiness that just clicked with Sunwoo. Maybe it was the fact that Sunwoo hadn’t set out to do this—it had happened so naturally, by chance, that Sunwoo didn’t have time to psych himself out of it.
Their friends got along just as well. They ate pizza, drank most of the alcohol they had stocked up for that evening, and talked all over each other for most of the night. Eric and Changmin vanished at some point, but Sunwoo didn’t bother looking for them, and everyone else pretended not to notice, too.
“This is nice,” Younghoon said against Sunwoo’s neck. He was clinging to Sunwoo on the couch like a giant koala, Sunwoo carding his fingers through his hair gently as they watched Jacob and Chanhee play Mario Kart on Eric’s XBOX. It was late, and they were a bit buzzed by now. Just enough for Sunwoo to feel lethargic and really, really, super fucking comfortable where he was, with Younghoon wrapped around him. “You’re nice,” Younghoon added. He nuzzled Sunwoo’s neck. Sunwoo made a mental note to use the cologne he had worn that night more often.
“Would it be bad if I liked you?” Younghoon mumbled.
Sunwoo didn’t know how to react. He looked down at Younghoon, although from this angle he could only see the top of his head. The others were too busy laughing at Chanhee complaining about his controller not working—in a very obvious attempt to get Juyeon to teach him the proper buttons again—to pay attention to the two of them whispering to each other in a corner of the couch, like it was their own world.
“Why would it be bad?”
Younghoon held him tighter. He didn’t answer, just shook his head, and Sunwoo wondered if Younghoon meant for him to hear that question.
“What if I liked you?” Sunwoo asked instead.
Younghoon looked up at him. His eyes were big as he searched his face. Sunwoo wished he knew what was going through his head. He looked sadder than Sunwoo had ever seen him. Again, Younghoon didn’t answer him. He pulled up to reach Sunwoo’s mouth, kissing him softly, letting tenderness speak for itself.
bbanghoonie [14:38]:
where are you?
sunwoo [14:45]:
at a middle school in nonhyeon
watching some kids fight
i love my future job
nvrmind the teacher pulled them apart
why? everything ok?
bbanghoonie [14:47]:
oh yeah
just wanted to grab some coffee
sunwoo [14:47]:
in the middle of the afternoon?
you don’t have classes?
or are you just skipping them again
bbanghoonie [14:48]:
canceled!!
the classes
not you
but you too
how dare you imply i skip classes on the reg!! :(
sunwoo [14:50]:
you do tho?
you can’t cancel me you like me too much
sunwoo [14:57]:
sorry, i didn’t mean to assume anything
it was a joke
bbanghoonie [14:59]:
i like you
a lot
but that’s scary
sunwoo [15:01]:
how so?
bbanghoonie [15:02]:
the last time i liked someone it didn’t go well
it hurt
sunwoo [15:03]:
can i ask why? or would you rather not talk about it?
bbanghoonie [15:05]:
can you listen to audio?
sunwoo [15:05]:
yeah
bbanghoonie [15:09]:
(▶️) •——————————• (2:32)
Sunwoo pulled his earphones out of his pocket. He was sitting by himself on a bench while his classmates milled around the sports court, all of them waiting for their professor, who was now over 30 minutes late. The middle school kids were getting restless with the overextended break, the teachers sitting tiredly in a corner just letting them roam free. Sunwoo paid them no mind, hitting play on the audio.
Younghoon’s voice was clear and beautiful. It sounded deeper than it did in person, even. Sunwoo could hear the wind blowing past him; he was outside, and Sunwoo imagined him stopping on his way to a cafe to send his message.
“It sounds so much more dramatic when I’m typing it,” a huffed out laugh. “Anyway, yeah, it’s stupid. Long story short, I fell for my best friend in highschool. It wasn’t—I didn’t mean to, we were drunk one night and we kissed just for the hell of it and I thought like, oh shit, maybe I love him? But it wasn’t mutual, and he made that very clear, that he never saw me like that. It wouldn’t have worked, anyway.” A sniffle. Sunwoo’s heart clenched, but Younghoon didn’t sound like he was crying when he continued: “I followed him into college and watched him be with a lot of people, which was kinda dumb because it hurt. That is masochistic, wow. Chanhee said that and I called bullshit, but he was right. Anyway. I got hurt because I fell for the wrong person, and it was no one’s fault but my own. That’s why I’m a little cautious to admit I might be—might be falling for you. I don’t want to scare you away too soon. And I know I can be a little intense.” Another laugh before the audio ended.
Sunwoo listened to it again, carefully, making sure he understood every single thing Younghoon was saying. Was that why Eric thought Younghoon didn’t date anyone? Because Younghoon had been too busy pining after his friend to open himself up for relationships?
sunwoo [15:16]:
you’re not gonna scare me away
Sunwoo looked up again, making sure no one was close enough to hear him when he brought the mic closer to his lips and pressed record.
“If you ask any of my friends, they’re gonna say you’re talking to Mr Intense, so you’re fine,” Sunwoo chuckled. “But hey, I’m sorry you went through all that. That sucks. I had no idea. Actually—Can you come over tonight? We could talk about that. You know, when I’m not surrounded by children.”
sunwoo [15:19]:
(▶️) •——————————• (0:19)
bbanghoonie [15:21]:
oh my god you really are surrounded by children
i can hear their pterodactyl screaming
but yeah i can!! 7 good for you?
i can bring smoothies
sunwoo [15:22]:
hell yeah to smoothies
and yeah 7 is fine
see you then baby
bbanghoonie [15:22]:
see you!! 🥰
Sunwoo opened the door to a smiling Younghoon holding a cup holder with two smoothies and a bag of donuts close to his face.
“You called me ‘baby’.”
“I did? Oh, I did.” Sunwoo remembered then. “Well, you are one, so.”
Younghoon pouted and frowned. Sunwoo laughed, pulling him in.
“Come on, baby, I’m starving.”
They settled on the living room, sitting on the floor with their backs against the couch and the food on the coffee table. Sunwoo lowered the volume on the TV where he had put on a random playlist of MVs while he was waiting for Younghoon. They talked about their day first, diving right into the donuts. Younghoon asked him about his visit to the school and listened intently, curious about how exactly that worked. When Sunwoo asked him about his day, he started talking about the short play he and some classmates were putting together for a group project, going on and on and getting more excited as he talked plot, and characters, and lines, and—
“Sorry, I’m talking too much,” Younghoon stopped after a few minutes, patting his mouth as if reprimanding himself. It was very cute, if uncalled for.
“No, I wanna hear it,” Sunwoo said. Which was true. He liked to listen to Younghoon, especially when he was this excited about something. “You were telling me about the lead, why wouldn’t—Soojin, right? Why wouldn’t she want the part?”
Younghoon hesitated only for a second. His eyes looked like they held sparks as he went back to his story, explaining everything enthusiastically. Sunwoo wondered, not for the first time, if Younghoon really was as cute as he was pretty, or if Sunwoo himself was just too far gone at this point.
It wasn’t until later, when the donuts were no more and Younghoon was playing with Sunwoo’s fingers as they watched an old 2NE1 MV on the TV, that Younghoon said, “It was Changmin. The friend I fell for. In case you were wondering.”
Sunwoo watched him. He wasn’t exactly surprised. “Does it still hurt?”
Younghoon thought over the question. “Not really. I got over him a while ago. It’s more like...” He looked down, then, at the hand he was playing with. “It feels more like a scar? Because as much as I’m over it, it still hurt enough that it put me off dating entirely for a couple of years.”
“Eric said you were some kind of ice prince when we first saw you at that cafe, because you didn’t seem to date anyone, ever.”
Younghoon chuckled. “Did he really?”
“Yeah. I didn’t believe him.”
“Why not?”
“Because you’re…” Sweet. Adorable. Lovely. Loveable. “A hot piece of ass.”
Younghoon laughed so hard and so loud, Sunwoo couldn’t help but laugh, too. “That’s not what you were gonna say!”
“No, I was gonna say you’re lovely,” Sunwoo decided right then and there that fuck it, he wasn’t gonna mince words. “You make it very easy to fall for you.”
Younghoon smiled. “Really?”
“Really. Chances are, you’re gonna be the one breaking my heart, not the other way around.”
Younghoon’s smile dropped. He shook his head, “I wouldn’t. Don’t say that.”
“Sorry.” Sunwoo kissed his pout away, caressing his cheek. “Sorry, I just meant that I might fall too hard, too quickly. I don’t have a lot of experience, I don’t know how to do this any other way.”
“You have a way with words,” Younghoon noted, randomly, kissing him again. “Did you know that? It’s beautiful.”
“My 17 year-old self would be so pleased to hear that. I used to write.”
“Used to? Why did you stop?”
Sunwoo thought about it, thought about how to best explain it. “It’s hard to write about love when you can’t seem to find it. I didn’t have a lot of inspiration to draw from, I think.”
Younghoon considered that for such a long time, Sunwoo started to feel self-conscious. Had that been too much? Should he retract it? Pass it off as a joke? But before he could say anything else, Younghoon said, “Write about me someday. Please?”
The smile on Sunwoo’s face was so genuine, he couldn’t stop it even if he tried. “I can try. It’s been a while, though.”
“Can I ask you a question?”
“Sure.”
“Why did you run away? That first time, at the party.”
“Ah.”
Sunwoo scratched his nose, thinking for a second. It embarrassed him somewhat to talk about this, especially with someone like Younghoon, who seemed to have the world on the palm of his hand. Sunwoo could joke about how inexperienced he was with Eric, because they were on the same boat, and he could pretend dating simply wasn’t a thing with Jacob, who was always much more worried about school than he was about his practically non-existent love life, but anyone else made Sunwoo nervous. He didn’t like to feel like he was lagging behind, and talking about his lack of experience made him feel exactly like that.
But then again, this was Younghoon. Honesty had worked so far for them, and Sunwoo felt so comfortable just talking to him.
“I didn’t mean to, I just panicked. I don’t have a lot of experience with, you know.”
“Guys?”
“Dating. But yeah, that too, I guess. But mostly dating in general. I just don’t—I don’t know how to do it.”
Younghoon tilted his head to the side, “Was that a choice? Did you choose not to date anyone?”
“Not really. I missed my window in highschool, then I got here and got cold feet. It’s very intimidating to try and learn the ropes when everyone else seems to know exactly what they’re doing already.”
“You seem to know what you’re doing,” Younghoon pointed out.
Sunwoo smiled, “Yeah, well, things aren’t as complicated when I’m with you. You make me feel safe.”
Younghoon’s eyes grew soft, then softer. He pressed his lips to Sunwoo’s, “That’s so sweet.”
Younghoon tasted like sugar, and like the love songs Sunwoo never had a chance to write before. When Younghoon climbed onto his lap and cupped his face, Sunwoo let himself enjoy this, whatever this was. He didn’t let his own fears override the joy he felt, a joy that he saw reflected on Younghoon’s eyes.
He hadn’t lied. Younghoon made everything seem easy, including love itself.
Before either of them could see it coming, three months had flown by. Their workload kept them busy enough that it didn’t really feel like it. They were, however, much more comfortable with each other by now. Younghoon learned Sunwoo wasn’t as big a fan of coffee as he was of chocolate, surprising him with a cup of his favorite chocolate chip frappuccino sometimes after class. Sunwoo learned Younghoon was an avid fan of anime, making sure to catch up with his latest obsession so they could watch the new episodes together when they had the time for it. It felt almost too easy—Sunwoo started questioning when things would start to go wrong, because surely the honeymoon phase couldn’t last too long? But their biggest disagreement so far had been over which BTS release had been their best—Younghoon was adamant “ON” was a masterpiece; Sunwoo thought nothing could ever surpass “Spring Day”. They agreed to disagree, in the end.
He had to have it spelled it out for him one evening. With finals approaching, they managed to fit one last (big) group outing before everyone got too busy studying and/or losing their minds. The bowling alley had been Jacob’s idea, for the less party-inclined, while the other half of the group went clubbing instead. Both groups agreed to meet up at the pizza place close to Changmin and Chanhee’s place later, but for now Sunwoo was watching Kevin beat both Younghoon and Jacob at the game for some reason not even Kevin knew how to explain.
“I’m glad you guys found each other, you know,” Chanhee said, out of nowhere. He was sitting with his knees up to his chest, somehow making the position look comfortable. “You and Younghoon.”
Sunwoo, next to him on the vinyl seats, turned to look at him. “You are?”
“Don’t be so surprised,” Chanhee chuckled. He slurped at the straw of his soda, shaking the cup to hear the ice rattle at the bottom. “You guys are a good fit. And you make him really happy, but don’t tell him I said that. He thinks I’m always psychoanalyzing him just because of my minor in Psychology when in reality he just wears his heart on his sleeve. And I’m a good friend that pays attention.”
As Chanhee said that, Sunwoo glanced at Younghoon, distractedly laughing at something Kevin said, seal clapping an all; he felt a wave of affection hit him in a way that was starting to feel familiar. “I’m glad you think we’re a good fit.”
“And you know why I think that?” Chanhee gave him a knowing look that Sunwoo didn’t know how to interpret. He shook his head. “Because Younghoon needs to be loved. He deserves it, to be honest. And from what I’ve gathered so far, you’re someone who needs to love.”
“You sure you’re not psychoanalyzing us?”
“Maybe a little,” Chanhee shot him a playful wink, making both of them laugh. “No, but for real. It’s a good match. I’m happy for you.”
Sunwoo couldn’t take that out of his head for the rest of the night. It made sense, now that he thought about it. It explained why they hadn’t found much in the way of incompatibility, either. Later, as they got ready to go, Sunwoo offered Younghoon his hand, which Younghoon took with the brightest (prettiest) smile ever. They weren’t big on PDA, but Sunwoo figured that much was ok. Because Chanhee was right, Sunwoo thought to himself as Younghoon intertwined their fingers together. Younghoon deserved to be loved, and Sunwoo’s entire heart seemed to be up to the task.
Finals were hell, but Sunwoo managed to not fail any of his classes—thanks to energy drinks and some choice study guides taken off the internet. He managed to catch Younghoon’s play, too, which was just a short play for one of his classes, but still. He sat at the back of the auditorium and watched Younghoon deliver the lines Sunwoo had helped him practice, almost destroying the box of chocolates he had in his hands with how excited he got with the standing ovation Younghoon’s group received at the end. Before he rushed back to the dorm and to his pile of textbooks, he found Younghoon to give him the chocolates—and a discreet kiss on the corner of his mouth. Sunwoo knew it was just a final project, but still. He couldn’t help but feel proud, and giddy, and just overall elated with Younghoon’s performance.
“You’re gonna be a star,” Sunwoo told him, feeling the happiest he could remember ever being with the way Younghoon’s smile reached his eyes.
“Hey, babe,” Sunwoo greeted him with a peck when Younghoon opened his door for him. They usually hung out at Sunwoo’s place since it had a better chance of being empty—Younghoon shared an apartment with two Business majors who seemed to be constantly around—but Younghoon had called him over today with the promise of takeout. “How are you?”
“Fine!” Younghoon said, pulling him in. “You?”
“Good. Did you see they’re making another Code Geass? Like that movie didn’t suck enough. I was gonna send you the link but I was on the way over anyway, so...” Sunwoo could see right away that Younghoon had been on his laptop on the couch, but a second look told him another story. He paused, pointing at Younghoon’s hair. “Is that flour?”
“What?” Younghoon ran a hand through his hair. His jetblack hair currently sprinkled with white. Some of it flew down in front of his eyes. Sunwoo helped him clean it off. “Would you believe me if I said it’s cocaine?”
“I wouldn’t.”
Younghoon made a face that was part guilt, part excitement. “Ok. So. Funny story! I tried to cook something. Well, bake something. I did bake something.”
“You?” Sunwoo guffawed, putting the guitar he had been carrying on his shoulder down on the couch. At Younghoon’s frown, he said, “Sorry, baby, but you suck at cooking. We both do. That’s like, our thing.”
“I know,” Younghoon whined. “It didn’t go well. I ordered something instead just now.”
He threw himself down on the couch next to the guitar, pouting. Sunwoo sat on the coffee table in front of him, holding back a smile. “I’m sorry your stress baking didn’t go well. I can help next time if you want. My grandma taught me some tricks that I never get to use.”
Younghoon gave him a look that was still mostly pouting. “She bakes?”
“A whole fucking lot. I’m pretty sure she’s the reason I have a sweet tooth.”
“That’s cute.” Younghoon sat up, closer to Sunwoo. From this up close, Sunwoo could count his lashes if he wanted to. He looked so beautiful. “It wasn’t stress baking.”
“What was it then?”
“I wanted to surprise you,” Younghoon said, giving him such a droopy-eyed puppy look that Sunwoo almost kissed him right there and then, but held himself back to let him finish. “It’s our six months anniversary. I mean, technically. I was gonna bake biscuits to celebrate.”
Sunwoo blinked, surprised. “You were counting too?”
Younghoon met his eyes. “Wait. You too? But we didn’t—“
“We don’t have an official date. I know. I mean, I thought that was the case, too.” Sunwoo was smiling, trying to hold back the giggles he knew were coming. “I just thought I’d count from our first kiss forward.”
“That’s what I did!”
Sunwoo erupted in laughter then, with Younghoon staring at him with wide eyes.
“That’s crazy,” Younghoon said. Sunwoo was still trying to control his fit of giggles.
“Eric wasn’t joking when he said we share the same brain cell,” Sunwoo noted.
Just then Younghoon’s phone chimed; his order had just arrived. He stood up to receive it downstairs, which Sunwoo used as an opportunity to get ready. When Younghoon came back with a pie and a bottle of Coke, Sunwoo was waiting for him on the couch, guitar at the ready. Younghoon eyed him suspiciously.
“What? Why are you looking at me like that?”
Sunwoo cleared his throat as Younghoon set the things down on the table. He positioned his fingers at the right angle, took a deep breath, and said, “I wanna show you something.”
Younghoon sat down on the armchair right next to the couch. He couldn’t tear his gaze away from Sunwoo, who had started playing the first few chords of a song he didn’t recognize.
“It’s not perfect,” Sunwoo paused to say. “But I wanted—I wanted to thank you. For inspiring me every day the way you do.”
He began playing the song now, a self-composed melody that he still thought could use a little polishing. The lyrics soon followed—they were much easier, because they spoke of them, of their relationship, and that had come much more quickly to him. It wasn’t the first thing he had written in the past six months, but it was the first thing he showed to Younghoon.
The person who had inspired him to write again in the first place.
Younghoon watched him with wide eyes and an open mouth; he looked like he was barely breathing. Sunwoo was smiling, nervous but so, so happy to be there.
When the song ended, he licked his lips, anxiously. “So—“
He had meant to say happy anniversary, hyung but he didn’t have a chance to. Younghoon’s face crumpled and suddenly he was crying, standing up and throwing himself over Sunwoo, guitar and all.
“Hey, no—Don’t cry, come on,” he said, doing his best to set his guitar aside while Younghoon threw his whole weight on him. “It wasn't that bad,” Sunwoo joked, because he didn’t know how else to react to Younghoon crying. Had he ever seen him cry over something that wasn’t a movie?
“It’s beautiful,” Younghoon sniffled against his neck. He was sprawled over Sunwoo’s lap, arms over his shoulder. He pulled back to meet Sunwoo’s eyes. His face crumpled again, tears welling up. “Thank you. I love it so much.”
Sunwoo kissed him, softly, gently. “Then why are you crying?”
“These are happy tears.”
“Are they?”
“Yes. They have little smiles if you look close enough,” Younghoon said, making Sunwoo laugh at the utter nonsense. “I can’t believe you wrote me a song.”
“You asked me to write about you!”
“I didn’t think you w-would!” Younghoon said, voice breaking at the last word with a sob. It was such an over-the-top reaction, and still so him, that Sunwoo couldn’t help but smile and kiss him again, and again, and again.
“Happy anniversary, baby,” he said.
Younghoon hugged him tight. “Happy anniversary. I love you, Sunwoo.”
“I love you too, baby.”
“You can’t be serious.”
“I’m dead serious,” Eric said, sipping from his coffee without breaking eye contact, like the madman he was after the tiniest drop of caffeine hit his system. “Why wouldn’t I be?”
“Because—“ Sunwoo shook his head, at a loss for words. “It’s Juyeon hyung! He’s been rejecting you since the day you set foot in this campus. Why would that change now?”
Eric didn’t answer with words. Instead, he used both hands to frame Changmin’s face, who smiled brightly at Sunwoo like he really was presenting himself as the solution to Eric’s conundrum.
“You guys can’t be serious.”
“Come on, it’s just a little lie. How will he even figure out if you’re telling the truth or not?”
This time it was Sunwoo who framed his own face, raising his eyebrows in disbelief. “Because it’s me. He knows me. He wouldn’t believe me if I said I’ve had a threesome.”
“Did you?” Younghoon said, apparently materializing out of nowhere right by their table. Sunwoo nearly sent his juice flying with how startled he was. Younghoon smiled down at him, leaning down to give him a peck on the lips.
“I didn’t,” Sunwoo said, moving his bag out of the empty chair by his side so Younghoon could take the seat next to his. “Eric wants me to sell the idea to Juyeon hyung, though. So he'll be up for a threesome with them. As if that would work.”
“I can help. Say it happened,” Younghoon offered. Eric threw his fist up in the air in victory, while Changmin high-fived Younghoon over the table. Younghoon caught Sunwoo’s disbelieving stare. “We could say it was with Sangyeon hyung. They run in complete different circles so he'd never figure it out.”
“He already said he’s not interested!” Sunwoo said, voice coming out a pinch higher than he intended. He shuddered at the thought of the pretend dalliance. “Juyeon hyung did! Didn’t he?”
“Yeah,” Eric repeated what he had told Sunwoo, counting on his fingers as he recounted Juyeon’s words: “‘One dick is fine, two is great, three is a crowd’. His words, not mine. I don’t think any number of dicks is a crowd.”
“I mean...” Changmin scrunched his nose in thought for a second. “No, you’re right. I can’t imagine a limit.”
“Seriously?” Sunwoo asked, dumfounded. Those two had been hooking up for as long as Younghoon and Sunwoo had been together, which meant over a year now, but they seemed perfectly content in keeping things open. So open indeed that their newfound hobby was finding people to have threesomes with. Hence, their ridiculous (to Sunwoo, anyway) request. “There must be a limit somewhere.”
“That’s because you’re a prude,” Eric said around a mouthful of donut. Sunwoo threw a balled-up napkin at him.
Younghoon, who had just pulled up his phone to check a notification, said, distractedly, “He’s not.”
Sunwoo spat out juice all over himself in surprise.
“One year later and he still makes you drool like an idiot,” Eric pointed out, happily. "That's true love right there, folks."
"Shut up."