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By Rook or by Crook

Summary:

Why no one in Slytherin will play chess with Snape.

 

Starring Evan Rosier as Long-Suffering Flatmate and Perenelle Flamel as About To Be Long-Suffering Occlumency Teacher.

Notes:

Disclaimer 1: Profitless derivfic.

Warnings: Severusbrain. The author doesn't play chess.

Notes: The summary tells you everything you need to know, but for Subjectiverse readers*, this is set during the Dartmoor chapters.

Other credit: If you enjoy Madam Nell, you will also of a certainty enjoy Renée from Patricia C. Wrede's Magician's Ward series.
Betaed by Ziggy Cas and plutoplex, with extra Frenchpicking by ZiggyCas, who also gave me the prompt.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

“Nonsense, mon petit!” Nell said gaily.  “To play the chess, it is most improving for all of the magics of the mind!”

“I didn’t say it wouldn’t help,” Evan shrugged. “I just said you’ll regret it.”

Severus opened by jumping a knight over his own pawn.

“Ah!  You are thinking perhaps of Petrov, or of Philidor, but—” Nell stopped.  To tell was impossible, even when she met the very dark eyes, whether the young Severus was guarding his thoughts well already, or in truth had not the least idea in the world what she meant.

“I’m afraid I haven’t studied chess, Madam Nell,” he apologized, always so formal.  “It’s more popular in our school’s rival house.  Ours mostly plays Go.”

Two hours later, Nell returned from a quick powder break in the firm expectation of reaching checkmate in ten moves at the most only to stare at the board.  “But, mon cher appareil de fumée , you cannot checkmate me with any of these pieces, for they have all been taken!”

She stopped staring at the board, for the white pieces, which had played both for her and against her for nearly three hundred years, had now pulled down their carven hose to expose their bottom parts to her eyes and it was of all things the most provoking.

“I know,” Severus said, blinking at her with a confused frown, which was very much more pleasant to look at despite being very certainly a lie.  “But you didn’t lock them up, you know.  You didn’t even ask for parole.  I suppose you assumed they were dead, but you never checked their pulse.”

All smudgy with his pastels on the chaise longue, Evan didn’t say a word, but whistled two notes that sounded very much like Told you.

Notes:

Notes: Severus is not telling the objective truth about chess not being popular in Slytherin. A disinterested observer could have told him that people just hid their games when he entered a room because letting him think it wasn't cool because Gryffindors like it was easier than telling him they don't want to play with him because his relationship with rules is, even for a Slytherin, a little, uh, complicated.

(He probably secretly suspects this, deep down, but doesn't push on it because with Wizarding Chess you can derive an advantage by persuading your own pieces to do what you want and persuading your opponent's pieces to resist orders and Severus sucks at manipulating inanimate objects who can't be intimidated by his body language and have no ego or shame to exploit and no personality flaws to be needled about. At least, when someone more charming is around to argue back...)

FYI, the next thing that happened was Nell considering her options and dramatically declaring Well Done My Apprentice There Is No More I Can Teach You!! and Severus saying Don’t Be Ridiculous You Haven’t Even Explained How To Clear My Mind Yet And I've Asked Like Six Times Since We Met Yesterday.

(I'm calling it: the Occlumency debacle was at least 1/5th the Dursley's fault for convincing Harry that Asking Adults Questions is largely a cathartic exercise to be undertaken only when you're so frustrated you don't care what happens, rather than a communication activity that might actually end in having more information.)

*Also for Subjectiverse readers: Writing the main story feels really heavy with the world the way it is, so I may lean into Random Supplemental Material territory for a little bit to keep my head in the 'verse until Severus and/or I feel better. This piece came out of the character question, 'In a world where you play muggle board games, which would be your favorite and why?"
Please don't be shy about asking the characters questions! If you don't get a reasonably-quick answer it may be because I want to give the answer more attention. No guarantees what form any answer will take. This one obviously took a knight fork into left field...