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In her dreams, he is always on his knees.
Sometimes he’s begging for forgiveness with wide, pitiful eyes. Sometimes his face is twisted in anger, as she presses an icicle against his neck or holds him down with his own blood. She’s careful to avoid touching his skin, not trusting that the fury she feels for him will be enough to protect her.
Sometimes he bares his teeth and fights, and other times he tilts his head down in acceptance. But he’s never scared of her.
They’ve been under the moon, and they’ve been under the sun. They’ve been in caves with green glowing around them, just like the day he’d first fallen at her feet.
Both his eyes – the one with the scar and the one without it – never stop asking for her attention. He wants to know her story, her past – her fears and her desires. He never smiles, but he does watch and wait.
At least during the day, she can avoid looking at his face, even when she’s handing him food or when they all discuss Aang’s training. The real Zuko knows better than to demand her attention when she doesn’t want to give it. But there’s no escape at night – no matter what direction she turns, he’s there, always asking, praying, wishing, hoping she’ll surrender. The more she wants to, the angrier she becomes. The less of a reason she has not to give in, the more fury she feels. She’d already surrendered to him once. Easily, completely. And then she’d paid for it ten times over.
One night, her resolve crumbles. He looks at her like he understands and she wants it so badly. She lets him rest a hand upon her hip and press the scarred side of his face to her stomach. He stares up at her.
Then he throws fire at her face.
***
She woke up gasping.
After a few minutes of rubbing her eyes, she realized with a jolt that she could hear plenty of voices. The sun was never this high and there were never this many sounds when she normally got up, early in the morning before most of them, because she didn’t have the luxury to sleep in, not when she had over ten people to feed, and now she was behind –
Oh.
No one even noticed when she finally dashed out of her sleeping bag and into the courtyard, not even bothering with her hair loopies, an apology already forming on her lips. She’d been prepared to see everyone lounging around, grumbling about their empty stomachs, with Appa growling in the distance…
Instead, Sokka was laughing in a corner with Suki, which was not out of the ordinary, but he did this while holding a broom, which was. To be fair, not much was being swept up, but even the occasional attempt was startling for her. Haru and The Duke were washing Appa’s fur, though they didn’t seem to have much strategy beyond tossing buckets of water in directions that felt right. The greatest shock was seeing Aang eagerly cleaning clothes over a tub of water, even though he normally tried to spend all his free moments outside training exploring the temple. He was the one who saw her first.
“Hey Katara!” He flashed her a buoyant smile. “Did you have a good sleep?”
“I…” She decided it wouldn’t be too hard to evade the question. “Are you doing laundry?”
“Yeah!” He held up one of Toph’s wet shirts with a puff of pride. “I never realized how fun it can be!”
“Well, that’s great Aang…” She inwardly sighed when she saw that he’d scrubbed the shirt hard enough to thin out the strands. She’d have to mend it when Toph inevitably tore through the weakened threads during earthbending practice. “But aren’t you supposed to be firebending right now?”
“This is part of that!” Aang returned to his vigorous scrubbing and Katara had to bite her tongue to avoid saying anything. “Zuko said this would be my discipline practice for the morning. I’m supposed to stay focused. ” The cloth finally ripped.
He lifted the shirt again to stare at the tear. “Oh… whoops…”
But Katara’s mind had already spiralled away when she heard Zuko . She whirled around, her eyes jumping from corner to corner of the temple before they finally landed on the firebender, who was hunched over water he was boiling in her cooking pot. Toph was sitting beside him, periodically handing ingredients with a patience the younger girl rarely had for Katara. To make matters even more insulting, her father was with them, reclining back and casually conversing with the boy as if being friendly with the Prince of the Fire Nation was completely natural. Zuko made a comment and they all laughed together.
She ignored Aang’s bumbling apologies and marched over to the three of them.
“What’s going on?” She debated between crossing her arms and placing her hands on her hips, but she went with crossing her arms because a part of her felt like they’d hear her heart if she didn’t hide it from their direct line of gaze. She tried not to think about how illogical that was.
“Morning sweetie.” Her dad gave her a warm smile, and on any other day, in any other set of circumstances, she would have shown him her gratitude that he was finally here, with them, after dreaming of this for years. But right now, all she could muster was a blank glance and the hint of a nod. She redirected her attention back to Zuko.
“What are you doing?”
“Nice to see you too, Sugar Queen.” Toph drawled. “Glad to know you appreciate us giving you a chance to sleep in.” She handed Zuko a couple more unevenly chopped carrots.
“Giving me a chance to sleep in? ” That was so utterly incorrect that she didn’t even bother contradicting her.
“Zuko thought we could get started on the chores instead of waking you up.” Toph said.
“Did he now?” Katara’s gaze remained fixed on the boy, who did not meet her eyes. He seemed to have realized that she didn’t like looking at his face and often followed her lead, which was very frustrating when Katara simply wanted to intimidate him. “That seems like a waste of valuable time that could have gone towards teaching Aang firebending.”
“He needs to learn how to follow instructions and see a task through.” Zuko finally spoke himself, evenly and surely as if his entire explanation wasn’t complete bullshit. “He still gets distracted easily, which isn’t good for firebending. Chores can be a productive way to build the diligence he needs.”
“Was that what you did growing up in a palace with servants?” She remarked.
“No. It’s what my uncle taught me on board the ship.” Zuko countered, not without a little heat of his own.
Katara did not relent. “I didn’t realize you knew much about cooking.”
Zuko’s cheeks grew red. “I know a bit, but not much.”
“I’ve been guiding him through it.” Her father interjected, with a look that was much too searching for her comfort. “Zuko’s a quick learner, so we’ve all just been having fun with it.”
“ Fun?” She seethed. “You decided you finally wanted to help cook to have fun ?”
“What’s the matter Katara?” Her dad tilted his head.
“ Nothing! It’s just nice to know you conveniently forgot this cooking ability when I do it everyday!” She snapped. “You’ve never bothered to help me, but you’re so ready to help him ? I suppose you’d consider it beneath your dignity to help a woman, even if it is your own daughter!” Her father flinched.
“Katara…” He scrunched his forehead. “You seemed to love doing it so much, I didn’t want to get in your way…”
“Love?” She almost laughed. “Yes, I love being the only one who worries about how long I can make the food last so we don’t starve! Just like I love washing clothes for ten people! Why wouldn’t I?”
Her father had no answer.
“I’m not mom.” Her voice broke. “But you just assumed I would have no trouble doing all the things she did!”
“I…” Hakoda dropped his eyes in shame. “I’m so sorry Katara. That was very wrong of me.”
She swallowed the regret beginning to bubble on the back of her tongue. Why should I feel guilty, when he didn’t even bother to think about how I would feel? She ignored the silence that had fallen over the temple and the hesitant looks the others were directing at her. None of them bother to think about the pressure I’m under. They’re too busy trying to impress someone who chased us around the world, but they think I’m being unreasonable the minute I get a bit upset about it.
Before she could respond, maybe with a bit more of a level head, Zuko felt the need to fill the space with his words.
“I was the one who asked for your dad’s help.” He said in a low, calm voice that Katara was certain he was only using to make her look bad. “Like you said, you do the work everyday. I just thought you wouldn’t mind some time to yourself since you… do the work every day.” He repeated awkwardly.
“He was trying to be nice.” Toph said in a small voice.
“Very nice, very kind. Now if only – ” Katara stopped herself just before she plowed into another verbal blunder. “I’m here now, so you can all go do what you… normally do.”
“Katara,” Her dad tried to argue, “I can finish doing this, so you can take some time – ”
“Stop dad.” She squeezed her eyes shut, not able to bear the thought of him helping because he felt guilty or because she’d been angry. Not after she’d seen him laughing so easily with Zuko. She couldn’t be any more of a villain than she already was. “I just… I want some space.”
“I – ” He held back his words with a deep breath and nodded his head. He’d never deny her a request like that. “Okay Katara.” He lifted himself to his feet and began making his way over to her brother, but not without glancing back several times. Toph followed immediately after.
“We really were trying to help.” She said, with an uncertain gentleness that she usually kept hidden.
“I know.” Katara whispered. “But I don’t need it right now.”
Finally, she fixed her glare on the boy still sitting in front of her pot, until he got the message to get up.
“I may have added the fish a little too late, and I’m not sure if I added the amount of salt you usually like, since I’m not used to – ”
“I’ll fix it.”
“Okay.” Still he lingered.
“What do you want from me Zuko?” She sighed. “Are you waiting for a thank you? Well thank you. It was nice of you.”
“No! No I just… I just hope you don’t blame your father for my mistakes.” He said. “I… it’s my fault, not his.”
She met his eyes, and he looked so much like he had in her dream that her stomach rolled. There was a want in his gaze, a want for something, and it didn’t matter for what, because anything he was asking for would be too much.
She looked away.
***
Everyone seemed to be avoiding her for the rest of the day. A part of her felt grateful, but the restlessness in her stomach growled, longing for some opportunity to unleash everything that was building inside of her. She could only waterbend properly in the fountain near the others, but she imagined they’d feel uncomfortable with her rage. She couldn’t exactly pour herself into chores either. For the first time in a while, the place around her was entirely clean, the clothes were washed (or at least the ones that weren’t ripped), the group was fed, and the security checks were complete, all without her having to push or prod or direct even once. She hated the relief that was spreading, against her will, across her skin. It softened the feeling of betrayal inside of her, and that felt too much like losing control.
But washing the dishes in the stone tub Toph had made for her was soothing, as was mentally running through their remaining food rations. Tonight, she’d send Suki and Sokka out to hunt –
“Hey Katara!” Aang bounded up the steps to the secluded section of the Air Temple she found. She bit back a sigh before putting a wide smile on her face, hoping she could contain her frustration long enough for a conversation.
That was before she realized that Zuko was trailing close behind the boy. To his credit, he did try to turn and move away when he caught sight of her face, but Aang grabbed his arm to pull him forward. Sometimes the airbender loved peace so much, he was determined to see it when it wasn’t there.
“I just mastered a new firebending move!” He grinned, which briefly lifted her heart.
“That’s great Aang!” She was careful to keep her eyes fixed on him, while she filled her words with as much energy as possible. Zuko flashed her a knowing look.
“Zuko said he didn’t expect me to get it for another week at least! ”
“It was very impressive.” Zuko allowed a small smile to break through his normally serious façade. Aang’s face grew even more radiant, before he turned back to Katara with an expectant look. He clearly wanted her praise, but she wasn’t sure if it was for the accomplishment of mastering another firebending move or for coaxing a compliment out of his teacher.
She swallowed and looked back down at the plate in her hand, the roaring in her ears already blocking out any logical thought her mind might have been telling her.
“Well you are the Avatar.” She began scrubbing again half-heartedly. “It would be a problem for all of us if you weren’t learning quickly. Just one move really isn’t going to make a massive difference.”
She hated herself the moment those words left her mouth. Aang recoiled with a hurt expression.
“Oh no, Aang, I’m so sorry – ” But he was already running down the stairs away from them. She smacked her forehead and dragged her hand down her face, her fingers tangling with strands of her hair as she sighed. After a few moments, she looked up to see Zuko with his arms crossed and eyes – or eye – narrowed. She wanted to feel angry at his disappointment, but she felt just as disappointed in herself.
“That was – ”
“I know!” She sighed again. “I – I know.” Zuko’s face softened a bit. She made a move to walk past him but he angled his body to block her. She raised an eyebrow, her patience already thinning again.
“Look, I know you’re angry with me.” He began. “And I’m not saying you have to trust me or be nicer cause you don’t.”
“I’m aware.”
“But Aang works well with positive encouragement – ” He saw her open her mouth and rushed through the rest of his words. “As I’m sure you already know! The thing is that I’m not… I’m not good at that stuff. The being nice and encouraging stuff.” He dropped his arms and looked at her a little helplessly. “But you are. And I know it’s a lot to ask, but I really can’t train Aang in firebending without you giving him that kind of support. So I’ll try to give you space, but he needs you to be,” He gestured widely in her general direction, “You know… you. It would… help a lot.”
Katara swallowed, not trusting herself to speak, but she did meet his eyes so he knew she was taking this seriously. She nodded.
He nodded back, before scratching the back of his neck. “So about that…” He pointed in the direction that Aang had run off.
“I’ll go.” She steeled herself for the conversation ahead of her.
As usual, it wasn’t that hard to win Aang’s forgiveness, but the apologies and hugs did leave her feeling more drained than she would admit to anyone else.
She returned to her spot, finally free of other people, only to find that all the dishes she’d been planning on washing were already clean, dry, and stacked in proper piles. Katara surveyed the scene for a few minutes before balling her hands into fists and shrieking in frustration.
“That asshole!” Katara kicked one of the stone walls, then immediately bent over to whimper in pain.
***
She hadn’t been this angry when she wasn’t the only one who distrusted him. But these days, it had become more and more common for her to turn her head and realize that she was looking in at her group of friends as if she was the outsider and the Fire Nation Prince was the one who belonged there from the beginning.
“Keep your feet a bit farther apart.” He was directing her brother while they sparred, Zuko with two swords and Sokka with his one. “You’re thinking so much about your offensive moves that you’re not focusing enough on maintaining your stance. It’s easy for me to knock you over when you try to attack.”
She loved Sokka, but Katara had grown up knowing that if she told him to do something differently, he’d usually gripe for a couple hours before accepting she was right. Not that she was very good at listening to him either. It was part of being siblings.
So it shouldn’t have hurt that when Zuko made corrections, with a firm voice and none of the sugar coating that she’d grown accustomed to using, Sokka only nodded his head with determination. He fell on his back often, but it didn’t seem to faze him much. When Zuko nodded his head in approval, Sokka beamed with pride.
“Oh, that’s interesting!” Suki piped up from her place next to them, where she’d been watching the fight carefully, clearly documenting the moves in her head as she planned ways to counter them. “Zuko, could you show me that move again, when you lifted your left – yes, that one!”
She pulled out her fan to begin comparing her fighting style to Zuko’s. Sokka lifted his sword to serve as a prop, and when he fell on his back again, he didn’t seem the least bit miffed at his girlfriend’s laughter or one of Zuko’s rare smiles.
His smiles were growing less rare, Katara couldn’t help but notice. Then she realized she’d been watching them for some time, so she whipped her face back down to Toph’s shirt she was mending, even though she couldn’t escape the conversation that drifted over. She dismissed the option of simply getting up to move somewhere else. Why should she let him influence her actions like that?
“It’s really cool to see a bender being so invested in physical combat.” Suki was saying. She exchanged a look with Sokka that suggested this was a subject they’d discussed at length. “It’s tiring to hear some people talk as if swords or hand to hand combat is just something people have to ‘settle for,’” She used finger quotations, “If they can’t bend.”
Zuko winced. “I’m sorry you both have to deal with that. It’s unfortunately an opinion many in my family would agree with.”
“Like your sister?” Sokka asked, and for all her anger at Zuko – the firebender , she corrected in her head as some consolation – she wanted to glare at her brother for being so tactless. Especially when Zuko’s face darkened.
“Azula respects anyone or anything that’s dangerous. You’ve seen how she relies – well, relied on Mai and Ty Lee.” He paused for a couple moments before shaking his head. “But then again, she never had to be ashamed of her bending abilities, so I imagine she doesn’t think about it much.”
Suki and Sokka exchanged a look.
“And you were?” Sokka asked doubtfully. “Ashamed of your bending abilities I mean?”
Zuko shrugged. “For a lot of my childhood, everyone thought I might not be a bender, since my sister started showing signs before me. Then they thought I was a really weak one. But that’s why my mom was able to convince my dad to let me train with swords. I’d already brought enough shame on my family, so at least this way I could defend myself.”
Sokka scratched his head. “Buddy, I know this isn’t exactly news, but your family is messed up.”
“Well it became more important when I was named heir to the throne. Having a leader who is a strong firebender is part of their whole Fire Nation taking over the world thing.” Zuko argued, his tone simple and accepting. “I didn’t meet their expectations.”
“But that’s exactly it!” Suki jumped in. “Not touching the whole obsessed with war and world domination issue, why should anyone be ashamed of a leader who can defend himself and his loved ones so well, even if it’s in a different way? Besides, bending has nothing to do with actual leadership skills that matter, like compassion and a hardworking nature. Which are qualities you have in spades!”
“Suki’s right.” Sokka nodded his head emphatically, before flashing her a goofy grin. “As always.”
Suki and Zuko both flushed red, likely for different reasons.
Zuko coughed. “That’s… I’m not sure I can agree – ”
“Come on Zuko.” Sokka nudged the boy’s ankle with his foot. “Trust us if you can’t trust yourself. We used to hate you, so you know we’re not lying.”
“Yeah, I never thought you’d be able to win me over, but I think you’re pretty great, so that says a lot about you.” Suki said.
Zuko was not sure where to look. “You’re both too good.” He mumbled.
They all paused.
Then Suki swung her leg in a wide arc, knocking him off his feet and unto the ground.
“What the – ” Zuko glared and Katara resisted the urge to tell her brother not to laugh.
“Not good enough to avoid taking advantage of you being distracted.” Suki shook her head as she extended a hand. “Now let’s see what you can do when you’re paying attention, firebending swordmaster.”
The growing smile on Zuko’s face when he accepted her help up had too much fondness in it. Katara didn’t want him to look at them as if he cared, the way a friend would. Caring for someone meant giving a piece of yourself, and she didn’t want any of them to hold a part of him.
The others clearly disagreed.
For one horrifying moment, Zuko turned his head and met Katara’s eyes. Suddenly, it was Ba Sing Se all over again, and he was too close. She could see too much of him – his fears, his past and his hopes. She was staring at his pain and seeing her own.
It was such a dangerous feeling.
Suki knocked him off his feet again, thankfully breaking their connection. Katara up picked her mending and walked farther away, out of earshot, even if not entirely out of sight. She fell to the ground again with a heavy sigh.
“Katara?”
She looked up to see her father’s face. “Hey dad.”
“Do you mind if I sit with you for a bit?”
She nodded, putting down Toph’s shirt and steeling herself for an uncomfortable conversation about this morning.
But he didn’t fill the silence she gave him. Instead, he sat down and gazed off at the others as they continued to duel. Katara picked up the sewing again, with a touch of hesitation. She had always been good at reading people and how they were feeling, but there was just so much she didn’t know about her father. She didn’t know what to prepare for.
“Sokka’s always had a boomerang in his hand.” Her father finally said. “I never imagined it would one day be a sword. And a Fire Nation one at that.”
Katara pursed her lips, containing the desire to ask where this conversation was going. “He’s always been a warrior. This is just another way for him to be one.”
Her father nodded. “It’s one of the most emotional parts of parenthood.” He said. “You never know what to expect from your children’s future, but if you let them grow, in the way they want, they’ll astound you everyday with what they learn and become.”
She offered him a small smile, but she meant it. “You should be proud of Sokka, dad. I would never say it to his face, but he’s really become a great leader.” She wrinkled her nose. “That was painful to say.”
Her father laughed. “I’m not just proud of Sokka, sweetheart.” He shook his head wistfully. “Seeing you here everyday Katara… I just don’t have words for your strength.” Her shoulders curled in despite herself.
She was scared he’d say she was a woman now, and she wasn’t ready to hear those words. She didn’t want them to be real.
So she brushed it all off as much as she could. “Dad, none of us have the luxury of not being strong.” She tried not to meet his pained eyes. “It’s not your fault. But we don’t have a choice.”
“Your strength gives others strength. And that can be what holds a family together.” He insisted, before looking back at her brother. “Family, community… I feel grateful everyday that you have these things. That you were able to create it despite all the loss in your young life.”
“It kind of grew without us properly realizing.” She chuckled. “It feels like just yesterday it was only Sokka and I. Now I can’t imagine living without the others.”
He nodded, then with a smirk added, “I imagine your brother appreciates having his girlfriend nearby.”
Katara snorted. “Sometimes I think he’s just trying to rub it in my face after all the years I spent saying no one would put up with him. Though I am grateful for Suki. She’s wonderful, and we really needed a level head in the group. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but the rest of us can be overly energetic most of the time.”
Her father chuckled. “She is very impressive. I also hope it feels comforting to have a strong, kind girl your age to bond with.”
“It does.” She smiled.
He shifted and met her eyes carefully. “I’m also glad Sokka has a boy his age with him. That kind of friendship is important too.”
Katara’s insides grew cold as she focused back on her hands. “Sokka was doing perfectly fine before that.”
“Yes, but being with a peer is different than being with younger children and a younger sister. I don’t know what I would’ve done without Bato – ”
“Zuko is not Bato.” She snapped. “And I told you, Sokka was fine. Why wouldn’t you trust me when I say that?” She refused to meet his intense gaze.
“I’ve noticed that you seem to have stronger feelings for Prince Zuko than everyone else.”
She did not bother responding to such an obvious statement.
“Katara,” His voice became deeper and more serious. “Did this boy hurt you?”
“You know he chased us across the world! Everyone else seems to have forgotten – ”
“That’s not what I meant.” His mouth was set in a hard line and his eyes had grown cold. It took her a few more moments to understand what crime he was referring to.
“What?” Katara dropped her mending and straightened up. “No! No dad, Zuko would never do that!” She realized too late how certain she sounded, and how automatic her need to defend him was. But she couldn’t take back something she meant.
Her dad, unsurprisingly, raised his eyebrows at her passion. Her cheeks grew hot.
“He has that kind of honor.” She whispered.
“Okay.” He breathed a sigh of relief. “I was so worried – ”
“No.” She hadn’t even bothered to consider her dad deserved an explanation for her feelings. Frankly, it hadn’t even occurred to her that he might care, which she had to admit was uncharitable. “No dad…. it didn’t even occur to me that you might think that…. it's just…” She buried her face in her hands. She suddenly wanted him to understand that she wasn’t being as ridiculous as everyone thought, that she wasn’t being stupidly cruel, or at least for no reason. But she didn’t know how to put to words what her relationship with Zuko was. Nothing objectively significant had happened when they were imprisoned together, but the memory had left a deep impression on her.
“There was just a time, much before… when I thought, or stupidly thought… that Zuko might want to join us. And I was wrong then.” She almost told her father that he’d betrayed them. But would her father see it like that? Would anyone? Zuko hadn’t been on their side… but she didn’t want to risk hearing anyone disagree with her. “It led to some bad stuff, and we almost lost Aang and… it would have been my fault. For being too trusting, for believing…” Believing in him.
She gave a frustrated sigh. “The point is that I was wrong. And I don’t like being wrong. And then he shows up now, when he already threw away the chance, chances I was – we were – giving him before, and – ” She lost the energy to continue. “It just hurt. ” Then she snapped her mouth shut because… she’d never admitted that before. He didn’t deserve the power to hurt her.
But he had.
“That sounds… personal.” Her father suggested.
“No!” She immediately shook her head. “It’s not… it wasn’t…” Her shoulders slumped. “A little bit, but not because I cared about him, but because he… he made me wrong and I don’t like that!”
Her father didn’t question her. “It sounds like this has all been out of your control.”
“Yes! I know if he wanted to betray us he could have, by leaving you, Sokka and Suki at the Boiling Rock, but just because he’s on our side now doesn’t mean he deserves… this still can’t just all happen the way he wants it to, but it is!”
When her father didn’t immediately respond, her certainty crumbled. “Unless you think I should forgive him, like everyone else – ”
“No.” Her father grew firm. “No Katara, listen to me. We all know this boy has made mistakes and done things that were wrong. Even if he had valid reasons, his actions still hurt you. I’m glad to see that he’s not denying those things, and is trying to do things that are right, but you still don’t owe him anything.”
“You… you really think so?” She hadn’t realized until now how much she wanted someone to say she wasn’t awful.
“Your forgiveness is yours to give, my love.” He placed his hand on her shoulder, as solid as she remembered it. “No one else has any claim to it. All I want is for you to make the decisions that bring you peace .”
Katara’s eyes began to water. “Dad, I’m so sorry about what I said this morning. I was upset, but that’s no excuse – ”
He silenced her with a tender look. “You shouldn’t be the one apologizing.”
“Of course I should!” She shook her head hard. “I’ve spent to long without you, and instead of appreciating the fact that you’re finally here, I just… accused you of not caring – ”
“Katara,” He said. “You were right to say that I should have asked to see if you needed help. I wish you had said something earlier, but you’re allowed to be upset. I know how much our community has stifled you in the past, and I should have realized that just because I love you, that doesn’t mean I can’t play a part in limiting you.”
“You didn’t dad.” She sniffed. “You and mom always made me feel like I could be anything.”
Her father wiped away some tears of his own. “You’re a fighter Katara. I’ve always known that no one can hold you back from being the person you want to be. But no matter how self-sufficient you are, I should be doing my best to ease the pressure of these responsibilities you took on… so young.” He sighed. “I just wish you didn’t have to – ”
“Dad, I wasn’t angry about what I said I was angry about! You don’t need to worry about me – I have my duties, but I accept them. We all have to do our part to end the war, and this – teaching Aang waterbending and keeping everyone together – is mine.”
“Still….” He gazed at her with a pride that was too much to bear. “I wish I could’ve protected you from it.”
“I was never alone. Not once. I had Sokka and he had me. Besides,” The scarred face crossed her mind. “You shouldn’t blame yourself for the Fire Nation’s cruelty.”
It wasn’t until she looked back at ther father that she realized her eyes had trailed back to the group still sparring. Thankfully, his face was only thoughtful.
“Some people in this nation definitely deserve all this blame. There isn’t a punishment in the world strong enough to make up for the pain they caused. They don’t deserve my forgiveness, and I will not be offering it. But I don’t know if I want them to have my hatred, because that would be another power they would gain over me.”
“Hatred…” Katara let out a noise that was both a scoff and a chuckle. “I don’t know what it is, but I’ve never been the best at controlling my emotions.”
“You’re like your mother.” Hakoda smiled. “Your emotions demand to be felt, in a way that mine don’t. Her emotions were a part of her bravery, just like they’re a part of yours.” He raised her chin with a finger. “It might bring you some peace to have a person or a place you go to when you want to express this kind of pain.”
“Rather than yelling at others you mean.”
“I only mean that creating a safe space for your emotions might make you feel more in control of them. And less guilty. You deserve a chance to just feel, Katara, after everything.”
“Dad…” She squeezed her eyes shut and reached for him. She’d forgotten how easy it could be to fall into his arms when she let herself. “Thank you for not hating me.”
“Oh Katara, how could you ever think I would?” He ran his hand over her hair. “There is no part of you that I could hate. All of you is precious to me.”
“But I’m so difficult.” She sniffed.
“Katara, the people who really matter,” He said. “Will accept you and learn to act in ways that make you feel safe and happy. Anyone else just doesn’t deserve the love you have to offer.”
***
That night, when Katara was heading back to her sleeping bag after her waterbending practice, she saw Zuko tucked behind a pillar, bent over a shirt. He was trying to mend it with a needle by the light of the moon.
She only realized when she moved closer that it was Toph’s shirt, the one she’d been trying to mend earlier before tossing it in a pile of other supplies and leaving the task for tomorrow. She watched him for a few minutes, as he fumbled and dropped the needle and cursed. He clearly had no idea what he was doing.
He pricked his hand and let out a soft string of curses.
Soon, she was right beside him. He stared up at her with his mouth hanging open and started mumbling excuses. She ignored him as she kneeled down, seeing now that he had at least ten pricks on his different fingers. Even though her mind was screaming not to, she grasped his hands.
A steady warmth pulsed from his skin to hers. She bended some water from her pouch and began to heal him.
“You don’t have to.” He whispered.
“Shush.”
She burned under his silent gaze. It was a mercy to stop touching him once he healed. But it was also hard to let him go.
“You’re going about the sowing all wrong.” She told him.
He listened carefully and followed her instructions as she explained how to mend a cloth tear properly. When he knew what to do, she pulled herself up without another word.
“You can sleep with the rest of us tonight if you want. Instead of that room downstairs.” She didn’t wait for a response before leaving him under the night sky.
She still didn’t let him come any closer in her dreams that night.
Not yet.