Work Text:
Today was going to be the worst. He could tell as soon as he got up, it wouldn’t be a good day. But he ignores that thought, because he had to go to work, so he tries his best to just get on with it.
It starts straight after his shower, because after ten minutes of searching he hadn’t been able to find his hoodie, the one he had to wear to work because it was really big and he could burrow into the soft fabric while he worked. And, he’d been wearing it to work for at least two years now. But it was okay, he had another big hoodie, even if it wasn’t as soft and was grey instead of maroon. He would just power through, ignoring the itch at the back of his mind that was starting. Ignoring the litany of ‘it’s not the same it’s not the same it’s not the same’ that starts with it.
Kuroo had been up first, so he was waiting sleepily at the kitchen counter for him. Dressed and showered himself with a coffee waiting as he drank his own. The routine of it settles his brain a little. As does the small kiss Kuroo gives him as he gently tugs at the hem of the different hoodie.
“Want a lift this morning?” He yawns as he does so, clocking the difference. Sometimes he knew Kenma better than himself. It was nice not having to worry about somebody not understanding.
“No.” Kenma shakes his head. Leaning up to kiss Kuroo again. Getting a lift would be too many differences in one day. And he liked his morning commute anyway. He liked the monotony of getting the train, he had it down to a science now. He knew the exact minute he had to leave so he’d get to the train station ten minutes before his train got there so he had time to get his ticket even if there was a line. And given how the company he worked out was a little out the way, his train was never really busy so he always got a seat. And he liked counting down the stops as he sat in the quiet, enjoying the rhythm of the train moving. It was soothing.
“Alright.” Kuroo nods. “You better leave soon then. Don’t wanna be late.”
“I know.” Kenma rolls his eyes, smiling when Kuroo cackles. He looks at his phone for the time. “I’ve got thirty two minutes until I have to leave.”
“Well sit and drink your coffee then.” Kuroo shuffles him towards the couch and Kenma goes, leaning into Kuroo’s side when Kuroo sits too. He always left after Kenma did because he drove, so they had time to wake up together.
This is settling too. And he shoves away the niggling at the back of his mind. One difference was okay. It wouldn’t ruin his whole day.
And it doesn’t. It’s everything else that does.
There’s more people on the train than usual. So he has to stand for his journey, arms brushing against other peoples, which he hates. He didn’t like touching people he didn’t know, even if it was just a simple brush of shoulders whenever the train swayed.
It felt like his skin was buzzing, and all he can do is try and focus on the music in his ears and the slight pressure of his headphones either side of his head. It’s enough to get him through the journey, although he has to take ten minutes to breathe deeply once he’s off the train. Head shoved between his knees until he can catch his breath again.
He’d been able to almost brush off the feelings of other people when he had first got into the office building where the gaming company was currently residing. Hiding in the toilets to take his hoodie off and scrub at his arms with his knuckles until the feeling went away.
Work had been fine up until just after lunch. The work itself was okay. He enjoyed it after all, code made sense. It’s just numbers and problem solving, and that settles him back again as he falls into the rhythm of tapping away at his keyboard. One leg curled up so that he can rest his chin on it as he tries to fix a problem his co-worker hadn’t been able to. It’s good, familiar. Familiar was good. Even if the problem was a hard one to fix.
Lunch hadn’t been great. The corner shop he went to didn’t have cup ramen he liked, so he’d had to settle for a different brand. It was fine though, it was still ramen so it hadn’t been the biggest change. And he’d been able to properly snuggle into the hoodie which he’d been distantly worried about. But no, he was able to pull his knees up to his chest underneath it. Curling up properly as he ate, absently listening to his co-workers chatting around him.
And then the fire alarm had gone off. He thinks he might have shouted something as he had pressed his hands over his ears. The sound loud and grating as it set off the panic inside. He needed it to stop, he needed to get out, this wasn’t safe. He can’t breathe, can’t form words or thoughts as the sound overtakes him, piercing through his hands as he tries in vain to block it out.
Everyone is getting up, moving, shifting or rolling their eyes at their work being interrupted. Maybe it had been scheduled, he thinks distantly. Maybe it had been in one of the emails he never read.
He can’t move though, can’t move his hands from over his ears as he curls up. And somehow he’s on the floor, almost under his desk, and he’s not sure when that happened as his thoughts whirl. Unable to do anything past the shrieking of the noise and then there’s pressure on his shoulder.
Jumping, he lurches away and turns, able to just see his manager through the blur of his eyes who’s gesturing to him, saying something that Kenma can’t hear. And then there’s pressure again and he’s getting pulled up although he tries to fight it. But he’s weak against the grip on his elbow as he’s tugged up and then across the office and down some stairs. Even as he tries to wiggle out, thrashing as best he can against the grip. The noise was still going, and he can’t move his hands from over his ears and between the two he thinks he might die.
The grip stops as soon as they’re outside and he collapses onto the pavement. Shoving himself back towards one of the seats, back going against the concrete as he presses his hands harder over his ears. He’s shaking, and it’s hard to keep his hands where they are but the noise still hasn’t fucking stopped and the world seems as though it’s crashing around him as he rocks back and forth. Desperately trying to make himself as small as he can, as if that will help against everything that’s happening.
The force against his back isn’t helping like it should do. It’s meant to be safe, something against his back. Nothing to sneak up on him. But it’s not enough, and his vision starts to blacken and fade at the edges as it continues to blur. Darkness seeming too dark when he squeezes his eyes shut.
He doesn’t have his bag or his things, he has nothing to hold onto. Nothing to ground him as he rocks and shakes, although he’s not sure he could pull himself out of this if he tried as the panic settles deep into his bones and pulls him under.
The noise must stop eventually. But that’s not what gets him out of his head.
No, what gets him out of his head is a gentle tug to his hoodie sleeve and a gruff yet soft voice chatting absolute nonsense.
“And then I said to him. Bo, you can’t put that in a blender- oh.”
Blinking hard, his head pounds and his vision swims as slowly he looks down at the long fingers tangling in the fabric of his hoodie sleeve before he follows the shirt covered arm to the collar and then the neck and face of Kuroo.
“There you are kitten.” He smiles, and Kenma focuses on the soft grin as slowly, his vision comes back to him.
“Kuro?” He thinks he’s still on the floor. And he slowly blinks as he looks around. It’s just them outside now, and the noise has thankfully stopped. Kuroo’s sitting opposite him, cross legged as he leans his chin in his hand as his elbow rests on his knee. He’s still in his work clothes. And Kenma wrinkles his nose at the fact that his slacks are getting dirty sitting there with him.
“Hey. You want to go home?” Kenma nods, and then panics because he doesn’t have his bag with his things in it and what if it wasn’t a drill and was an actual fire and they got burnt and he lost all his progress on his game because his psp was in his bag and-
And then Kuroo presses the backpack into his hands with another soft smile. “Everything’s in there. You need anything before we go?”
“Work?” Work. He had been at work. He should probably go back to it. Because it was still light out from what he could now see given that his vision was clearing, which meant he still had to be working.
“Your manager gave you the rest of the day off.” Kuroo soothes. “You managed to fix a pretty big problem anyway, so there’s no trouble.”
“You, not work?” Words were hard. But he gets them out as he frowns, tilting his head to look at Kuroo properly who just shrugs before he smirks.
“Chief loves me. Said I had an emergency and he let me go early too.”
“Sorry.” This was his fault. He made Kuroo leave work early. Kuroo loved his work.
“Nah don’t worry about it kitten.” Kuroo untangles his hand from Kenma’s sleeve and Kenma shakes out his arm. “It means we can get in and chill yeah?”
Kenma thinks for a second, thoughts syrupy slow before he nods, taking a second to shake out both of his arms, wincing when he unfurls his legs when Kuroo stands up. He was stiff everywhere, bones cracking and aching as he moves. His hands won’t uncurl from their fists yet, so he clutches his backpack to his chest with his arms.
“Need help up?” Kuroo asks, the silent ‘is it okay to touch you?’ intertwined in the words and Kenma nods.
Kuroo was the only person he could do that with. Have silent conversations and understand what he meant between his words. It was probably because they had grown up together. You couldn’t spend years by someone's side as closely as they had without picking up on behaviours. It helped that he loved Kuroo so much too.
That, and Kuroo always explained when Kenma didn’t understand. So he’d know for next time.
Gently, Kuroo grabs him under the elbows, leaving his hands for now as he hauls him up easily. They wait for a second as Kenma gets his balance and mentally checks himself over. He hurt everywhere, and he was drained beyond belief. But he was going home, he would be safe soon. He had his bag, and it’s open enough that he can see inside to see that everything’s in there and then it registers that the usual weight from his phone isn’t in any of his pockets.
Spinning around he scans the ground, immediately frantic. “EH.” The noise he makes is panicked yet dull, clutching his bag tightly to his chest as he spins until Kuroo catches him by the shoulders.
“Kenma, what are you looking for?” His voice is steady. And Kenma tries to answer, but the words won’t come out and he scowls heavily. Trying his best to get the word past his tongue. When it doesn’t happen he huffs. Angry at himself as he squeezes his eyes shut. Shaking his head harshly, he tries to see if it’ll get his thoughts back in order and his voice to work, even though it hurts his head even worse.
“Phone!” He finally gets out, stamping his foot with it in both triumph and irritation and Kuroo just nods, rooting around in his own pocket before holding Kenma’s phone out. He tries to unclench his hands to get it and when that doesn’t happen he shakes his head, watching as Kuroo instead drops it into his still open bag before zipping it up.
“I found it on the floor next to you so I picked it up so nobody would step on it.” He explains. “Anything else?”
Kenma shakes his head and Kuroo smiles. “Alright, let’s get you home.”
He follows Kuroo to his car, or well, their car because even though Kenma couldn’t drive Kuroo insisted it was theirs. And he sighs in relief at the familiar smell and interior as he sits down in the front seat. Slowly, he puts his bag down between his feet, resting his fists on his knees as he slowly starts to work on unclenching his hands.
It’s hard, because he can’t get rid of the tension he’s holding at all. Probably wouldn’t be able to until he came down from his meltdown properly or had a nap. But the warmth of the car and the way Kuroo is humming off key is enough to relax him a little bit. Just enough that ever so slowly he can unfurl his fingers, wincing at the almost bleeding imprints of his nails on his palms. Once he’s straightened his fingers out, he flexes his hands, rolling his wrists and wiggling his fingers one by one until he’s got feeling in them again and he can reach around to put his belt on.
He doesn't stop flexing his hands as Kuroo starts the car and then drives them home. Rocking slowly from side to side as he tries to soothe himself. Not wanting to get pulled under again. Kuroo keeps humming, and eventually he’s rocking back and forth gently to the melody of whatever tune comes into Kuroo’s head as he drives them home.
Every now and then, Kenma will glance over to check he’s still there. And every time, he finds Kuroo glancing back, as if he knows whenever Kenma’s looking at him. And each time he’ll smile or wink, eyes going back to the road. That settles Kenma too. Because Kuroo was safe, Kuroo loved him. Kuroo had come to get him from his meltdown.
“Love you.” He mutters, mostly into his hair. But he’d smile if his face could move when Kuroo pauses his humming to reply.
“Love you too Kenma.” And Kenma listens to his humming the rest of the drive back home.
The sense of relief he feels just stepping through the door to their apartment gets his shoulders to drop an in inch or two. And they drop further when he sheds his clothes and drops his bag, heading straight to their bedroom to get dressed into his softest pyjamas. They’re the ones he kept aside for after meltdowns when he needed comfort above all. The t-shirt is one of Kuroo’s old ones with the Nekoma logo on the back, so soft and washed so often you can almost see through it with a pair of old green sweatpants. He looked like christmas, but that didn’t matter. He also digs out a pair of fluffy bed socks, and sighs happily when he wiggles his toes in the fabric once he’s put them on.
“Are you going straight for a nap?” Kuroo asks as he comes into the bedroom, unbuttoning his shirt and undoing his belt and pants to throw his clothes into the hamper by the door to get changed into sweats and a t-shirt himself. Normally, Kenma would be looking him over appreciatively, because Kuroo was very pretty. But right now he was too focused on standing, getting the large blanket from the end of their bed. The knitted one that was made of super soft chunky wool in a soft yellow colour.
“No.” Kenma shakes his head. “Uhm, living room.” He tugs on Kuroo’s shirt hem. “Come with me?”
“Course love. Do you want me to grab your weighted blanket?”
“Yes. Please.” His bones still felt fuzzy, and he was still tense. But the blanket around his shoulders was comforting. And the softness of that combined with the softness of his pyjamas was helping too as he ran his hands over the fabric of the blanket as he went into the living room.
Looking around, he finds his bag by the door when gets in there and shuffles over to it. Opening it to get his headphones, psp, phone and their chargers before shuffling over to the couch.
Sitting down heavily, he sinks into the cushions and lets out another sigh. The comfort surrounding him and the familiarity was good, he was finally safe. He sits cross legged in his usual corner, wrapping the blanket around his shoulders firmly before shifting so that he can move it so it’s tucked around his head first, then is tightly around his shoulders and arms.
“Here.” Kenma raises his arms when Kuroo comes over with his weighted blanket, making sure his arms don’t get trapped underneath it as Kuroo lays it across his lap. Grinning when Kenma audibly sighs with happiness and the familiar pressure over his legs.
Now he felt extra safe. It’s a good pressure, because it’s from the blanket. And he likes the pattern of it, taking a minute to look over it and run his hands over the mint green fabric, tracing the white stars with the tips of his fingers.
“Thanks Kuro.”
“Want a drink?” Kenma nods, not looking up from the repetition of his pattern tracing. But Kuroo never minded. It was nice. Kuroo was safe. He was safe now. He was at home with his favourite person, and he had his blankets and he was warm. Everywhere was quiet except for the sound of Kuroo pottering around in the kitchen. Mugs clinking and kettle boiling. It’s nice.
The awful noise wasn’t following them, and even though he still had his headache, he had stopped shaking. The blanket was grounding him, slowly loosening his tongue as he slowly started to feel as though he was coming back to himself.
He grabs his psp, turning it on as he settles under the blankets again even as he plugs in his headphones, slipping them over his ears. He flicks through his games, settling on Spyro. Because it was nice and familiar and he didn’t have to think about it too hard but would love it anyway.
Plus, it’s a game he can pause without feeling a bit guilty. Spyro wouldn’t mind.
His music is only on low, so he hears Kuroo when he comes back into the room. Holding two mugs. He puts Kenma’s down on his side table, sitting down next to him with his own.
“Is it okay if I put the tv on?” He asks, moving closer when Kenma nods and then pats the middle cushion. He appreciated how careful Kuroo was with him after meltdowns. Because sometimes, he couldn’t handle anything touching him, not even Kuroo. But he didn’t mind it now. Wanted it even.
“Yeah.” Kenma nods. “Are you watching the uh, the. That one?” He knows what it’s called but still can’t get some of his words out. And he’s thankful when Kuroo just smiles.
“The drama?” Kenma nods. “Yeah, it’s on that streaming service so i’ve got a few to catch up on.”
Even though they were all there to watch and binge, Kuroo liked watching one per week. Apparently he wanted to draw out the experience of watching it. Even though there were five seasons. Kenma didn’t understand. But it made him happy, so that was all that mattered.
Turning his music up a bit on his psp, he goes back to his game. Taking a drink of the tea Kuroo had made for him every now and then, making sure it doesn’t go cold before he drinks it all as Kuroo settles next to him, head eventually dropping to his shoulder as he drinks his own drink and watches his show.
Eventually, the tension bleeds from his shoulders. Although he only realises it two hours later when he realises that Kuroo’s head is in his lap as Kenma cards his hand through his hair, scritching at his scalp as the repetitive movements soothe him as well as the softness under his fingers. He was on his phone, on a simple platformer game as Kuroo continued watching his show.
“Kuro?” He asks, blinking slowly. Although he doesn’t stop moving his hand and Kuroo hums.
“Yeah?”
“When did you get there?”
“Oh.” Kuroo goes to sit up but Kenma stills him with a hand on his shoulder.
“I don’t mind, but I think I zoned out.”
“That’s okay.” Kuroo assures, pausing the tv as he turns over on his back and Kenma goes back to petting over his hair. “You feeling any better?”
Kenma nods. “Yeah. Less fuzzy and aching.”
“Well that’s good.” Kuroo smiles up at him softly. “Do you want food soon? I’m getting hungry.”
“The usual?” Kenma tilts his head, really not sure he could cope with anything different right now. But Kuroo just nods, which squashes the starting tingles of panic he had felt.
“Obviously.”
“Okay then.” He nods. “Lemme just pet for a minute though.”
“We’ll eventually get a cat I promise.” Kuroo laughs as he lets Kenma scratch over his head and Kenma smiles, the first in hours and it’s nothing more than the corner of his mouth tilting upwards but Kuroo beams back regardless.
“That sounds nice. I like doing this though. ‘Cause it’s you.”
Kuroo’s beam softens into something giddy and love filled. The one Kenma was most used to seeing. “I love you.”
“I love you too.” He takes a few seconds. “Thank you for taking care of me.”
“Don’t mention it.”
Kenma slow blinks down at him, because he knows Kuroo likes calling him a cat and cats were one of Kenma’s favourite things. He used to pretend to be one when he was very much younger. And the habit of slow blinking like one when he wanted to tell his mother he loved her when he didn’t have words was a habit that stuck.
Kuroo does it back, smiling again as he leans into Kenma’s hand on his head. He really really loved him.
They stay like that for a few more minutes. Basking in each other's presence until Kuroo sits up, waiting until Kenma untangles his fingers from his hair before he leans over, face hovering an inch from Kenma’s. Letting him make the decision. Kenma just closes the gap, kissing Kuroo soundly.
“Food?” He asks when Kuroo pulls away and Kuroo laughs.
“Yeah yeah. It’s your turn tomorrow though.” He says as he stands and Kenma nods.
“Okay.” They had a cooking schedule. “And then again the day after. To keep the schedule.”
“Yep.” Kuroo agrees. “Coming with me?”
Kenma shakes his head. Gesturing to his psp and Kuroo just nods, flitting into the kitchen.
With Kuroo gone, he takes a second to evaluate himself. His arms were still tingling a little, and his head hurt. But it really wasn’t as bad as before. And the panic that had been desperately trying to tug him under was completely gone.
The weight on his lap though now was getting too heavy so he pushes it off. Frowning at the thump it makes before he stands. Legs creaking once again as he picks it up. Struggling a little at the weight, because it felt very different spread across his lap compared to picking it straight up, he folds it as best he can before going to put it in the linen cupboard at the end of their hallway. Steps slow. He didn’t like just leaving it somewhere though, it had to go back in it’s spot when he wasn’t using it. And he smiles to himself over it being back in it’s right spot as he goes back to the living room. Yellow blanket still wrapped around his head and shoulders like a cape.
He still had his headache, so he makes a detour to the kitchen. Smiling when Kuroo catches his eye from where he’d started on the curry. Going over to the sink, he pours two glasses of water. Because it would be good for Kuroo to drink one too, hydration was important. That was very much a point that still haunted his brain from when they used to play volleyball.
Taking his own, he pushes the other one across the counter to Kuroo and leans against it while he drinks. Listening as Kuroo starts to talk quietly about his day.
“We got a few newbies at work.” He says as he puts the rice in a separate pot. Covering it while he put the veg into the curry sauce that was apparently ready to add things too. “Most of them are fine, but there’s one who just doesn’t seem to get anything.” He chuckles.
“Like Lev?” Kenma tilts his head and Kuroo nods.
“Exactly like Lev. But thankfully shorter so I don’t have to crane my damn neck talking to him. He’s well meaning though.”
“Is it fun?” He asks. “Training them, you said last week you were helping with that right?”
“Yeah.” Kuroo looks over with a smile. “It’s nice getting to help them. And they’re mostly competent so they’re picking things up quickly.”
“Which is good.” Kenma offers. “Because you’re too nice for your own good and would probably do the work for them if they couldn’t.”
“Kenma did you just sass me?” Kuroo gasps, although he can’t help his smirk as Kenma nods at the question. “Then you must be feeling better.”
“I am.” He confirms. “The noise stopped.”
“Yeah, it was still going when I got there.” Kuroo frowns. “No wonder it set you off, it sounded like a demon screeching.”
“Or Bokuto when he’s had too much sugar.”
Kuroo points at him with a smirk. “I’m telling him you said that kitten.”
Kenma just shrugs. Bokuto knew how loud he got.
“Okay.” Another shrug. “I’m going back in there now.”
“Alright, this’ll be done in about twenty.”
“Okay.” Kenma shuffles back into the living room. Sitting back in his corner of the couch as he re-settles the blanket so it covers his shoulders and legs, taking it off from around his head. It was getting a little warm anyway.
He doesn’t bother with his psp, because they’d be eating soon. Instead he gets his phone back out. He fidgets with it for a few minutes, trying to bring up the courage to text his boss. Because while he really really didn’t want to, he needed to apologise. Even though really, he didn’t think he should have to. It wasn’t his fault he had a meltdown, he shouldn’t have to apologize for something he couldn’t control that was part of him.
But he also needed to keep his job, because he liked it. And it meant they could stay in this apartment that allowed pets for when they eventually got a cat and he helped with the rent. Plus, it had been drilled into him since he was little that he should apologise for his behaviour. Because most people didn’t understand, and it was easier to apologise for how he was than explain it.
Own: I am very sorry for my meltdown today. I will do my best to make sure it doesn’t happen again.
It’s robotic and formal. But he means what he says. They knew he was autistic at work, and there had been a few instances over the two years he had worked there. But never any as loud and spectacular as his meltdown today. He’s pretty sure they won’t fire him. Because his boss was very nice, and she seemed understanding most of the time.
He’s not expecting a reply, but he gets one before Kuroo comes in with the food anyway.
Ito Rin: It’s okay! I’m just glad you’re okay Kozume! If you need tomorrow off too let me know!
Own: Is it okay to let you know in the morning?
Ito Rin: Of course! Please get some rest!
Own: I will, thank you.
He clicks out of the text chat then and goes to go to his cat cafe game but Kuroo comes in holding two bowls so he locks his phone and reaches out for one of the bowls. Nodding his thanks when Kuroo hands one over as he sits himself down. Right next to Kenma again as he reaches for the tv remote. Clicking his show back on.
Kenma presses their shoulders together as they eat. Eyes not leaving his bowl as he concentrates on not eating too quickly. He’s choked on rice one too many times not to be cautious about it.
The press of Kuroo’s shoulder against his own paired with the concentration he takes on his food is what finally gets him to settle down fully. Tension in his core dissipating as he halfway listens to the familiarity of the show, the usual warmth from Kuroo spreading through his body as he chews on a carrot.
Slumping down happily, he delights in the fact that he can and eats a bit faster. He hears Kuroo’s fond snort of laughter at his presumed facial expression when he does. “Stoppit.” He mumbles through his mouthful but doesn’t really mean it.
“Just happy that you’re happy kitten.”
“‘M happy when you’re happy too.” Kenma says through another mouthful. Meltdown from before making him hungry enough to not stop eating. Kuroo had told him to never bite down on a thought when it came to him, good or bad. So he didn’t. And as he looks up, it’s very worth it at Kuroo’s blush.
Reaching out he pokes at his cheek, laughing when Kuroo swats him away. “Dork.”
“You can’t just be smooth and expect me not to be this way Kenma.” He whines, and Kenma giggles again.
“Shut up.”
“Never.” Kenma just glares over at him but can’t help but smile back at Kuroo when Kuroo beams. Glad that his face can work again. “Now finish that, I want to cuddle.”
“Idiot.” Kenma rolls his eyes, but does finish the rest of his dinner quickly.
Once he’s done and the bowls are put aside onto the coffee table he falls under Kuroo’s outstretched arm, snuggling into his side happily. He pulls his legs up, letting Kuroo take his weight as Kuroo tucks the blanket back around his shoulders and then legs. Rubbing his face against the soft fabric of Kuroo’s shirt, he can’t help but flex his hand in the soft fabric of the blanket happily, sensation from both making his brain fuzzy but in the nice and soft way.
Gripping and then letting go of the fabric repeatedly, he headbutts Kuroo gently in the chest with pure happiness before he kisses where he’s just headbutt and then rests his head there, burrowing in as best he can as Kuroo chuckles, tightening his arm around Kenma’s shoulders to pull him close. Linking his hands over Kenma’s shoulder.
“Love you.” Kenma says, eyes closing as he cuddles in and settles there for the evening.
“Love you too.” Kuroo murmurs, kissing the top of his head before he goes back to watching his show.
Kenma falls asleep there, content and cozy. Feeling safe and loved in Kuroo’s arms. He's very glad his day had ended better than it had started.