Chapter Text
Lotte sighed as she turned to the next page of her book, thinking of how much she would prefer to be reading this in her room. That’s where she usually spent most of her time after class, after all. Sure, Akko got in over her head in some crazy adventure with slightly disturbing regularity, but the majority of days at the school where “nothing happened” could be just as interesting as the days that were full of chaos. Adventure had never really been her thing before Akko came along anyway. In books, sure, but for real? She preferred something a bit safer. She thought she was a pretty simple girl, she didn’t really need or want for anything more than the ability to enjoy her stories in the presence of friends. Safe was a pretty good word to describe her, she was sure of it.
The irony of using that word in the midst of her present circumstance did not escape her as she opened yet another textbook full of normally prohibited information. The kind of knowledge dangerous enough the school wouldn’t usually impart it to students, but Lotte had proved enough of a studious and trustworthy individual to be given access to some of the more… dubious texts. She was grateful for the opportunity, and even more grateful they hadn’t asked exactly what it was she wanted with these books. Even she wasn’t sure exactly what her answer would’ve been in that scenario. The only major drawback really was the fact that she wasn’t allowed to actually check these books out. Not that she would’ve wanted to risk letting Sucy see what she was doing anyway. That would pretty much ruin the point of the whole thing after all. Besides, it couldn’t possibly take that long to read a couple books right? She’d be back to spending the afternoons with Sucy in their cozy little room in no time. That’s what she’d told herself, at least.
It’d been a few days since then now. Far more time than she’d intended for this to take. There were so many more books about this in the library than she had expected, and they were surprisingly interesting. She’d thought she could just take an evening or two of reading and have enough information for what she was looking for, but apparently it was going to be a lot more involved than that. When she’d done this for Akko it’d only taken one night… Though, honestly, what had she been expecting? Of course it would be different for Sucy. Sucy was far more complicated than Akko. Lotte knew her roommate seemed one note to a lot of their classmates. The weird mushroom girl. The scary poison girl. Like that’s all she was.
Lotte knew better. She knew that you could get those limited ideas of Sucy pretty easily, and you could stop looking as soon as you did. But she also knew that if you wanted to look closer, if Sucy would let you look closer, you’d find a lot more to her. There was so much to discover about Sucy. She could be cold, and she was certainly weird, and even Lotte couldn’t deny that at some points “scary” felt like a pretty fair assessment. In some ways she knew that better than anyone, having experienced first hand Sucy trying to kill her on only the first day they had met. But she’d also experienced Sucy turning around to save her life with no hesitation, in a way that told Lotte she had never really been in danger at all. That was the most important part of the whole thing, in Lotte’s eyes, that even as she was occasionally scared of Sucy, she never ceased to feel safe. And there had to be something to that right?
Lotte was pretty sure Sucy actually liked that most people thought she was simple as a fascination with mushrooms and a sinister look. A light smile dawned on Lotte’s face as she imagined the joy Sucy surely took in being perceived as some mysterious threat. She didn’t mind entirely either, that the real person behind the poisons and crooked grins was someone Lotte got to keep all to herself.
A blush rose to Lotte’s cheeks at the thought, and at the realization that she had just gotten completely lost in thinking about her friend, having been staring out the window for minutes without reading a single word. She shifted her focus back to the text in front of her. She still had several more books to turn through, and if she really was that desperate to get some free time with Sucy again as soon as possible she really ought to just get everything done quicker.
She was so successful in her attempt to bury herself in the research that she didn’t even hear the sound of someone walking up to the table she was studying at. But no matter how invested she was in her book it was impossible to miss the sound of a large flask being slammed down on the table right in front of her. She jumped at the loud noise and sudden movement, looking up to see the very object of her distracted thoughts standing right in front of her with a look in her eyes that was unreadable, even to Lotte. She tried to gather her thoughts and say something in response to Sucy’s strange entrance but she could only manage an awkward squeak. In that moment she felt like vanishing beneath the table but Sucy didn’t seem to care. Instead, she only pointed to the container between them and said,
“Drink it.”
Lotte took a second to process what the other girl had said. She looked from Sucy’s eyes to the potion in front of her and tilted her head, watching through her peripheral vision as Sucy just nodded in encouragement. Lotte had been spending a lot of time with Sucy but this… this had never happened before. Sucy always used Akko for her potion testing, everyone knew that. Or maybe just the three of them, and the fact that one of your friends is regularly poisoning the other is not the kind of thing normal witches had to deal with. Admittedly Lotte often did wonder what exactly it was that “normal” witches did have to deal with if it wasn’t all of this but she certainly wouldn’t be getting that answer today. At any rate, she wouldn’t be coming up with a single idea as to why Sucy was asking her to do this either.
But still… Hadn’t she just been thinking about how she’d always felt safe around Sucy? Was there anything different now? She looked back up at her friend one last time. The one eye she could see staring back at her, seeming to finally take on a bit of an impatient look just small enough nobody else would’ve noticed it, Lotte came to the only possible conclusion.
“Okay.”
She downed the whole flask at once. If Sucy wanted her to drink it there was a reason, and whatever that reason was it was a good one. It didn’t matter if Lotte got to know what it was or not. A lot of things about life and the way she carried herself had changed since she came to Luna Nova, but above all else, she’d learned what it felt like to have someone you could trust completely, and if Sucy wasn’t that someone than no one ever would be.
She had been half expecting the potion to taste like what she’d imagined any of the horrible looking ingredients and concoctions she always saw Sucy with, but instead it tasted like a warm and comforting meal, cooked for her by her family back home. She had no idea how Sucy had managed to figure out what all the flavors Lotte liked were, much less how she had managed to put them all in a single potion. Surely she hadn’t talked about home that often, had she? Potion completely swallowed, she looked back up at her closest friend, wearing a bright and genuine smile caused by the pleasant surprise of the taste, even if she still didn’t know what the potion was actually for. It was not an expression the other girl returned, not that there was much surprise in that, but still, she actually looked… bothered? Lotte didn’t even realize she was leaning in closer in an attempt to read the expression on her friend’s face, worried about her strange behavior, till Sucy plucked the empty flask back off the table and whisked it back away to one of her presumably many inner pockets, nearly swiping Lotte’s nose off in the process.
“You need to take better care of yourself. I’m not always gonna keep looking out for you like this. I’ve got better things to do you know.”
Apparently it was time for Lotte to be confused again.
“What are you talking about?”
Was Sucy going somewhere? Surely she wasn’t planning on leaving Luna Nova behind? She couldn’t! Right? Lotte couldn’t imagine the school without her. No. Lotte couldn’t imagine her life at all without Sucy. But despite the warning, there was something in Sucy’s eyes that kept her from fearing the worst. There was a slight glimmer there, just as Sucy finished her proclamation. Lotte recognized that sign. It meant Sucy was lying. So Sucy… wanted to take care of her? That was crazy right? Even if she knew Sucy was someone who cared about her underneath all her distant and sadistic visage, why would she want to take care of Lotte specifically? It wasn’t like Lotte was weak or really needed or wanted to be taken care of at all. Except… Honestly, thinking about it now, the idea of being taken care of by someone else didn’t sound so bad when that someone was Sucy. Lotte shook her head as that, yet another in a string of several strange thoughts tried to take root in her head. She was having more and more weird ideas lately, and Sucy seemed to be wrapped up in the middle of all of them. She wasn’t sure what was going on exactly. She also wasn’t sure yet if she actually wanted it to stop.
She was broken out of her reverie by the sharp glare Sucy gave her from across the table. Oh no. She had no idea what she’d done but she must’ve really messed up. Sucy only glared at people like this when she was really serious. Come to think of it Lotte couldn’t remember Sucy ever doing it to her before.
“Dinner. You skipped it three days in a row. Today would’ve made four. But that potion should give you all the nutrients you need, without making you miss any of your research.”
Lotte was finally caught up with everything that had happened. She knew she usually got too distracted by whatever she was reading or doing around dinnertime to even notice she was hungry or think to check a clock and make it to dinner before everything shut down for the evening, but she had no idea Sucy had been paying that close attention this whole time. Sure the other girl usually reminded her to get up and go to dinner with her when they were together in the room for the afternoon but this was much more trouble than something simple like that.
But even so, now that she was thinking about it she had been a little hungry before, or a lot even. But now there was nothing. Sucy had really designed an entire potion just because she’d noticed Lotte was skipping a meal or two? Why would she do something like that? It didn’t make any sense. Still, she’d done it anyway, and she seemed serious, even if Lotte had no idea why. She decided it was just best to put on a solemn look as she apologized.
“Sorry. I lost track of time, I won’t do it again.”
“Good. Because I have more of these.” Sucy pulled the flask back out of her pockets and shook it lightly in front of her with a twisted grin, “and I can make you drink them.”
Perhaps anyone else would have been off put by the open threat or the toothy grin, but Lotte couldn’t help but let out a little giggle. She knew Sucy might actually make good on the threat if Lotte wasn’t willing to drink the potion herself, but they both knew it would never come to that, so she wasn’t particularly worried about it. And honestly? She found that grin more endearing than anything else. The bright smile was still on her face as she spoke her mind without thinking.
“You’re too cute to be scary.”
Lotte, immediately realizing what she’d just said, diverted her eyes to the floor right away, trying to pretend it hadn’t happened at all. Both girls let the silence linger for more than a few moments too long, but by the time Lotte looked back up Sucy was already back to her set, disinterested expression, if she had ever left it to begin with. Lotte hadn’t been looking to see it if she had. She tried to read what Sucy was thinking through her eyes but the other girl was giving nothing away. At least, not till she glanced down at the stack of books on the table Lotte had been working at.
Everything happened too fast for Lotte to react to it.
Sucy fell down into the chair across from her. She reached across the space between them and spun the book around to face her. The diagrams and research notes sprung up to meet her gaze, betraying Lotte’s little secret.
“What have you been reading all this time anyway?”
Lotte winced. Her whole plan spoiled in an instant. Now she’d no longer get to use this as effectively as she’d hoped. After all, the whole point of all this effort was to make herself seem like a smarter and better friend to Sucy all on her own. It worked best if Sucy didn’t already know about it. Honestly if she was gonna end up getting caught anyway she should’ve just asked Sucy to teach her in the first place. At least then she would’ve gotten to spend time with the other girl instead of being cooped up alone in the library for four days. Not that she usually had any problems with the library but a space with Sucy in it was generally better than one without, no matter where it happened to be. And that was only the best case scenario. Worst case scenario Sucy would get the wrong idea about this whole thing. Maybe she’d even think Lotte had been avoiding her this whole time. Trying to drive a wedge between them when that was the absolute last thing she wanted to do. But what other reasonable explanation could there be to the fact that even with Sucy as a friend Lotte had dedicated all this effort and time locked away by herself just to study
“Mushrooms?”
Sucy looked up at Lotte and raised an eyebrow as she spoke, leaving Lotte wanting to dissolve into her chair. Not knowing any spells for such an endeavor; however, she could only nod in confirmation of what Sucy already knew. Every last book on the table was all about various mushrooms and poisons, information all stored to an extreme and meticulous academic degree. She tried thinking up explanations but each one died on the tip of her tongue. In practice she’d thought this was a good idea, but now, with everything falling apart like this she just felt pretty pathetic. Sucy stared at her for a few more moments, and then she shrugged and closed the book, getting up from her seat.
“You know you could’ve just asked me. All these authors are amateurs anyway.”
She left without another word, leaving Lotte in the aftermath of a situation she was still taking time to process. All in all… it hadn’t gone too bad. Sucy seemed more indifferent than anything. Though she had suggested Lottehave asked to teach her in the first place… Was that an open invitation to ask her still now? Or was it too late? Had she reached the bad ending where Sucy thought Lotte was doing all this just to avoid her? That this was some product of a desire to put distance between them? The fact that she couldn’t be sure Sucy wasn’t thinking anything like that made her feel sick.
She knew she wouldn’t be able to do any more reading tonight, nor was she really sure if she should in the first place. At this point all she wanted to do was go after Sucy and talk to her but she didn’t even know what to say. What was Sucy feeling? What was she feeling? Was she overthinking all of this? She wasn’t used to having friends like Sucy. Honestly she wasn’t much used to having friends at all. Before Luna Nova her closest friends were all books. Now, even surrounded by them, she felt lonely as ever. The only thing she knew for sure was that whatever she had with Sucy it was precious to her, and she didn’t want to mess it up. She wanted to nurture it. Watch it grow. She felt something different around Sucy than she felt with anyone else. Like if she were to sit with Sucy and just watch what happened something beautiful would grow there. Lotte wasn’t beautiful, that she knew, but if together, with Sucy, she could find something that was? What more could she ever ask for?
But none of that mattered if she blew everything now. She wished she had more experience with friends, with people. Wished there was a book that would tell her what to do. That’s always what worked for her before. If there was anywhere the answer would come to her, it was the library. It was a desperate and frail hope. Probably more of an excuse to delay talking to Sucy again, just in case there was a time limit on this sort of thing. Or maybe just because she was scared, if she was being honest with herself. Regardless, sit in the library she did, hoping that maybe, just maybe, an answer would come to her.
Or maybe she’d end up sitting alone in that giant room, heart full of thoughts for a certain friend she wanted to be with but didn’t know how to talk to, all the way up until she had no choice but to leave. So much for that plan. Not that it was ever much of a plan to begin with. Standing outside the door to their room hours later, she was still no further along in deciding what to do than she had been when she’d watched Sucy leave the library in the first place. What would Akko do in this kind of situation? Lotte asked herself the question out of desperation, knowing that things had an odd way of working out whenever Akko was involved, but also knowing before she’d even finished the question that whatever Akko would have done was absolutely not within her range or style to pull off. No, she wasn’t Akko, but she also wasn’t the same person she was when she’d started school here. She’d been working on her courage, trying to reinforce her drive and ability to follow her heart. Whatever was happening here she couldn’t afford to ruin it. Couldn’t afford to run from it.
So she turned the handle.
And opened the door.
The first thing she noticed was that Akko was already fast asleep. That was always easy to tell. Even in her sleep the girl couldn’t help but be loud. It was a lot harder to tell if Sucy was asleep or not, but as the resident night owl of the group Lotte had spent a considerable amount of time experiencing what each of her friends sounded like asleep, and she could hear barely well enough to know that for Sucy, this wasn’t it. Sucy was awake. Awake and waiting. Lotte began to get ready for be, but as she did so she paused, only for a moment, to call out quietly
“Sucy?”
She didn’t get a response right away, but as soon as she opened her mouth to voice the rest of her question she was cut off by the sound she’d been longing to hear.
“We’ll start tomorrow after class. If you’re really going to learn this stuff I’m going to at least make sure you don’t kill yourself doing it.”
The words were harsh but the tone wasn’t particularly so. Lotte was just glad Sucy was willing to do this with her at all. She gave the other girl a big smile so bright it’s a wonder it didn’t wake Akko up all on its own.
“Alright.” She finished getting ready to fall asleep for the night, but as she settled in and nearly began to drift away she offered a final gesture.
“Thanks Sucy.”
“Goodnight Lotte.”
“Goodnight.”