Work Text:
We're a crooked love
In a straight line down
Makes you wanna run and hide
Then it makes you turn right back around
Wish I'd never hung up the phone like I did
I wish you knew that
I'd never forget you as long as I'd live
And I wish you were right here, right now
It's all good
I wish you would
I wish we could go back
And remember what we were fighting for
Wish you knew that
I miss you too much to be mad anymore
---Taylor Swift, I wish you would
"Anne?"
Anne Elliot turned away from the window she was looking through and into the false smile of Colin Wallis, her department chair, as he peered into her small office. "Yes?"
"Listen, you know the latest about the renovations happening over in Science Hall, and how the college is having a bit of trouble with office space this year?" Without waiting for her response, he said, "Well, they thought we might have space here in Kellynch for a visiting professor -"
As he continued to speak, Anne realized what he was asking. "Yes?"
"Anyway, we thought it might be reasonable for you to move. It's just for a term. He's a senior visitor as he got tenure somewhere else, so he's just here for a sabbatical. I think his main collaborator is in Biology. If we do this, that means Science Division owes us."
She also knew what the only answer could be for her, a three-quarter time employee without the real qualifications for being the lab instructor cum dogsbody for the Environmental Studies Department position she held, whose only saving grace was having a father who was an administrative dean at this very same college. "Where?"
"The old map room."
After looking around at her first floor office, where books lined the walls and plants sat on the window sill, a few personal pieces of art sat on the walls and a select handful of postcards were pasted into the window of the doorway, Anne said, "Sure. When does the visitor arrive?"
"Two weeks."
After Colin Wallis had flapped his estimable way out of her office, Amy Rooke, administrative assistant and possibly the employee most chairs on campus wished would move to their departments, dropped by.
"You're okay with this?" asked Amy, leaning against the door frame.
"I am okay."
"The old map room isn't exactly - "
Anne laughed. "I know."
"There's the creaking sound that happens whenever anybody flushes the toilets on the floor above, the lack of windows, the size for goodness sake - it's half the size of this -"
"I know."
"And after all that, the Science Division isn't going to remember a damn thing. Selective memory is a real thing here."
"He's probably just distracted with the new baby," Anne tried to find an excuse.
"More like, distracted by the new young wife. I hope you asked for something in return."
"I asked if I could leave some of my books so I wouldn't have to move them."
"That's now what I meant." Amy shook her head.
"Would you mind if I move my plants into your office for the term? There's no light in the map room. I'll water them."
"No problem." Amy sighed. "I'll have to get a work order to housekeeping to move some of the furniture we've had stored in there, and see if there is phone or internet access, get ITS to move your computer, get HR to change your office number in the directory. What a mess."
"Sorry," Anne apologized.
"For you, not a problem. How much time did Wallis give you?"
"Two weeks."
"That means that the visitor is going to show up a week from now asking why his office isn't clear and why the paperwork hasn't been sent through for his phone or mailbox or computer when he hasn't even bothered to tell anybody what day he's actually arriving. Did you catch the name?"
"Sorry," Anne repeated.
"It's not your fault, pet. We'll know soon enough. Well, then." Amy sighed and turned. "I'll get some boxes from housekeeping, and then we can start moving you."
"I can do it by myself - "
"Nonsense."
"Anne!"
At the sound of her name, a young woman bobbed up from the line of other college students who were bent over microscopes and soil samples on long steel worktables. The sun shone through the small windows of the workroom, highlighting all the scuffs and stains of the past five weeks of this scientific cruise. Anne caught the smile of the young man at the door of the lab. Without looking back, she said, "I'll be right back."
"I didn't mean to interrupt." His affectionate smile belied his words.
"No problem. It's not any problem with the cruise, is it?"
"Nah." For all his brashness and youth, he took his position as a member of the technical crew aboard the ship seriously. "Quick question," he said, taking her hand in his own, much larger, to lead her out into the hallway and out onto the largely empty deck.
"Yes?" She smiled, unable to help herself, although she knew she should try. Romances between crew and research staff were not exactly forbidden, but her advisor had gone out of her way to inform Anne she would find such behavior on a ship largely run by men as distinctly problematic.
"Did you ever see such a sight?" he asked and turned her toward her right, his strong hands laying lightly on her shoulders.
Past the deck, in the distance, above the endless, and endlessly active, blue and grey waves, there was a dark shape that rounded upward to meet the sky. Suddenly a plume of mist arched, breaking the line of the horizon.
"Oh!" she gasped. "Whales?"
"First sighting this trip."
"That's amazing! I've never seen whales in real life before!"
"I know it's not glaciers - but I thought you'd like it." He sounded, unusually, a little hesitant.
Another plume filled the sky in front of them, closer than before.
She grabbed his hand, and pulled it across her body so it turned into a half-hug. "I love it! Thank you, Frederick."
"Amy," Anne said as she went into the department office, "can we put in an order for - " She halted when she realized there was a tall, dark-hired man on the side of the room. The bottom of her stomach dropped when she realized who it was.
"Hey Anne, come meet Frederick Wentworth," Amy said. "He's the visitor from Biology. Frederick, this is Anne. She's the Environmental Studies lab tech."
Amy smiled at Frederick, an attempt at sociability. "Nice to see you, Frederick. How have you been?" He had always been handsome, but he had aged into his features, and grown into his shoulders. He looked good, she thought, thin, with all his hair.
"Anne," Frederick said, nodding his head. He looked at her and she almost blushed with shame at the difference between them and the change in their positions after all this time. There she stood, an academic grunt, in her customary pre-term clothing of worn jeans and faded t-shirt, her hair badly needing a haircut, and there was Frederick, a fully tenured faculty member, in a neat polo shirt and khakis. This was not how Anne would have ever dreamed of meeting Frederick again, if she had ever thought such a thing could have ever happened.
"Do you two know each other?" Amy asked, looking between the two of them.
"A little," Anne said, still trying to absorb the terseness of Frederick's reception.
"A long time ago," Frederick said shortly. "You've changed. I almost didn't recognize you."
"It's been twenty years." Anne said for Amy's benefit, "Frederick was part of the scientific crew on my first, and last, Antarctic cruise when I was in college."
"Well, that's funny, you two meeting back here," Amy said, working to fill in the awkwardness in her office.
"Yes, isn't it?" Frederick said. With a little gesture toward his mug, "I just wanted to get a refill." He smiled at Amy and then he left.
"I guess you guys weren't close," Amy said.
"No," Anne said, bewildered by her own response to his coldness. He had every right, but what was she expecting? "Not particularly."
"Anne, are you ready?" Her father called up the stairs, his voice echoing up against the old lath and plaster walls, past the generations of hand-carved wooden trim, over the vast and uneven wooden floor boards, and through the solid wood of her bedroom door. Anne could imagine him tapping his finger against the glass of his heavy gold wristwatch.
"We're leaving to go to the chautauqua," Elizabeth said, sounding irritated that she even had to say anything.
Sitting alone on her bed, still in her worn bathrobe, Anne closed her eyes for a moment. "Just a minute." She wasn't ready and she wasn't going to be ready particularly soon, but at least it would pacify both her father and her older sister.
"We're walking out the door now, Anne!" Elizabeth declared. "We're taking the car!"
That threat had long ago worn out its efficacy on Anne, as it was only a brisk ten minute walk to campus from their house. "Go ahead. I'll meet you there."
It was a bare moment after the sound of the heavy front door swung shut that Anne took a relieved breath. Everyone in the faculty and staff made an appearance for the first chautauqua, visitors, post-docs, everyone. She really, really, really did not want to go.
The phone rang and Anne hurried to pick it up, wondering what might have been forgotten. "Hello?"
"Anne? Is that you?"
"Hello, Mary. What's going on?"
"I'm glad I caught you. Are you going to the chautauqua, Anne?"
"Father wants me to be there. And Elizabeth's done so much work, I don't know how I can't -"
"I was thinking that the chautauqua is really something for the whole Elliot family, as Father is dean and you do actually have something like a job there. It's a family affair, isn't it? Even though Elizabeth married and changed her name a couple of times, she's always come back home."
"I wouldn't say that-"
"And since it is, why can't I be there? Just because Charles is a only a gym teacher at the high school it doesn't mean that we can't be there. His father is the superintendent. That should account for something. And isn't the college always talking about improving town and gown relations? This would be one way to do it, don't you think, Anne?"
"I - " Anne thought carefully. "Nobody's taking attendance, Mary."
"Yes, good. Thank you for the invitation, Anne. Kids can come, right?"
"People do bring children to the first chautauqua of the year, but that wasn't an invi - "
"I knew it. Charles never wants to bring the kids anywhere, but if I can't bring the kids, I can't go out ever and honestly, it's not like he puts out any effort to take me out. It's at the old field in front of Alumni House, right?"
"That's where it always is."
"Thanks. I'll see you there in a couple of minutes. Bye."
Anne looked at the phone before she hung up. The chautauqua was going to be interesting.
With a small plate of food in one hand and a drink in the other, Anne sought some distance from the main clump of people around the buffet tables. She found what she was looking for on the edge of one of the famous hedges of the college, up against one of the picturesquely hazardous long stairs that lead up to the main campus buildings.
The college was made up of some very pretty, very old ivy-covered buildings, and talked a good game about its exclusivity and national ranking. As such, it had the most people from out of town as any place in the surrounding counties. It also hid as much as possible from them before they accepted positions there, like the lack of major hospital resources, absence of social life outside of other employees of the college, the local rural poverty, the length and depth of winter, and the distance to any restaurants that made anything beyond the basic burger. It was a good place to grow up, and wasn't a bad place to work, but it wasn't where Anne had thought she would have ended up twenty years ago.
As she sat down, she heard a quiet sigh. Then, "Ian! Theo!" She peeked around the edge of the hedges. A heavily pregnant woman was sitting down, gesturing frantically at two small boys. The boys, heedless, pelted down the hill with a gang of other young children. Anne recognized some of them as being her own nephews.
"Do you want me to get them for you?" Anne asked.
"Oh," the woman said with a little laugh. "It's fine. As long as I can keep an eye on them. They just need to eat something." She pointed to the line up of plates near her. "Who would think pate and asparagus is appropriate for an event with kids?"
"I know," Anne said. She had stayed out of the discussions about event food, knowing her opinions wouldn't be heeded. "If you like, I can get you or the kids something from the campus eatery. It's mostly just hog dogs and hamburgers, but at least it's not pate."
"I don't want to be a bother. The boys are too busy playing with all these new kids to eat anything anyway." The woman smiled. "I'm Sally Harville. I'm married to James, he's in Biology."
"Anne Elliot. I'm a tech in Environmental Studies."
"This is my first time at one of these things, even though we've been here a couple of years," said Sally. "What about you? How long have you been at the college?"
"All my life," Anne said. "I grew up around here."
"Oh, really?" Sally asked with genuine interest.
"My father has been in the administration here since - well, forever," Anne laughed. "I've only lived away when I went to college."
"What made you come back?"
The question made Anne laugh again.
"I'm sorry - that's not a very nice question."
"I know what you mean," Anne reassured Sally.
Sally hastened to add, "Rural Vermont is a nice place to live, and the trees and mountains, it's so beautiful here - "
"-it's not like it's London or New York City. It's not even Burlington."
"IAN!" a male voice bellowed from behind them, startling Anne into nearly dropping her tiny plate of food. A dark-haired man burst into view, racing down the hill, snatching up a boy.
Sally watched the whole event with a smile. "That's John."
"THEO!" Frederick followed John and grabbed up the other little boy, chuckling as he threw him into the air.
"That's Frederick, he's one of John's oldest friends. He's visiting this term. They're collaborating on some projects, even though it doesn't look like that right now." Sally explained, looking amused as both men began to head in their direction. A third man, younger than the other two, began to approach. "That's James Benwick. He's a post-doc working for John."
Anne couldn't help but smile at the fun. Still, she considered a tactful retreat the better part of valor and made an excuse about getting another drink. She did not want a repeat of the exchange that happened in Amy Rooke's office, whatever that was. She wasn't certain if she had been fast enough, as she had caught Frederick's eye when she was getting up.
She was, unusually, helped by her father, as he walked down to catch a hold of her attention.
"Anne, come here a moment, there's someone I want you to meet."
An attractive man in a sweater vest and corduroys stood patiently beside Walter and Elizabeth. "This is William Elliot."
The man smiled. "No relation, I don't think."
Mirroring the smile, Elizabeth said, "I hope not."
"He's in development. Just hired the other day," Walter said. "William's going to be handling some of the older alumni, seeing to their bequests and all that."
"That's a difficult job," Anne commented.
"Not really. It just takes getting to know what they like and then smoothing a way for it to fit into the college's goals." William smiled, as if aware of the effect of his pleasant attitude and handsome appearance on those around him.
Elizabeth said, "That is how you would phrase it, isn't it?"
After another drain of his wine, Walter gave his real opinion of faculty. "Honestly, faculty act like they're the reason for the college."
Anne winced a little.
"Of course," said William, who looked at Anne with a twinkle in his eye. "It's not as if anybody comes to college for an education."
"Quite right," Walter said without a hint of self-awareness.
Anne couldn't help herself, she smiled. Then she quickly covered up her smile with a hand as if yawning when her sister turned an eye towards her.
"Is the chautauqua not exciting enough for you?" Elizabeth asked.
"Oh, no, Elizabeth. You've done a marvelous job with the catering and the arrangements," Anne hurried to reply. "I think I'm just tired. Getting into the swing of the term and all."
"You do look tired, Anne," Elizabeth said. "You should take better care of yourself, at your age. Your eyebags are really noticeable."
"I was just up late last night," Anne replied. It wasn't even worth mentioning that Elizabeth was older than she was.
"Were you? Was that why you were so late?" Elizabeth said, ultimately incurious. "No one would know you're younger than I am."
"You both look marvelous," William said.
"Of course, they do," Walter replied. "They're my daughters, aren't they? But Elizabeth truly does take after me in being able to do social functions well. Anne is much more like their mother."
"Father?"
Walter looked over and smiled grandly at his youngest daughter. "Mary. I see you're here with Charles and the children."
"Yes. I brought along Louisa and Henrietta."
The two young women waved as introductions were made.
"Isn't this a marvelous event? How well Elizabeth and the staff put this together? The food was my idea, of course."
"Yes, Father," said Mary. "Lovely as always."
"Oh, who is that, Anne?" Louisa asked, pointing, Henrietta at her shoulder. "Do you know?"
Anne turned. "The one with the pregnant wife is John Harville, he's an assistant professor in Biology."
"The other one," Louisa demanded.
"That's Frederick Wentworth. He's visiting Harville this term."
"He's yummy," Louisa decided.
"Mm-hmm," agreed Henrietta.
"Is he married?" Louisa asked.
"I - I don't know." Anne said. She hadn't noticed him wearing a ring, but that didn't necessarily mean anything. Her stomach dropped a little when she realized she couldn't answer either way when once she had known very well. "He's quite a bit older than you."
"Of all people, Anne, you should know what it's like here. It's slim pickings. It's nice where there's some choice. And he is choice." Louis made a beeline for Wentworth, dragging Henrietta along behind her.
Anne was exhausted. The several hour round trips to the one regional specialist center multiple times a week, plus cleaning and shopping and cooking for her family was draining. Elizabeth was married and gone, Mary was too young to do much.
Her college transcript, once so promising, was going to be a mess. She had been given several mercy extensions for the last few classes of her college career, and her honors thesis had been downgraded to a senior thesis, but she needed to turn something in, and soon. She had been ignoring her friends, extended family members, increasingly concerned emails from her professors and advisor, everyone.
Something had to go.
Mrs Russell was more than kind, so practical, so helpful to both her mother and herself, and her advice was meant in the most honest way possible. Still, it was up to Anne to make the phone call.
She had to dial and hang up and dial again a number of times before she finally allowed the call to ring through.
"Frederick, I'm sorry."
"Anne? What do you mean, you're sorry? Sorry for what? For calling?" he joked.
"No. I can't do this anymore. It's not you, it's my fault."
"What's going on?"
"I'm - I - I don't want to see you anymore. "
"The cruise ended a couple of months ago, and things were going well. Great. You were thinking about moving here after you graduate. Then you get home, I don't hear from you for a couple of weeks and then this call?" His incredulity buzzed angrily through the line.
"Eight weeks on a cruise really isn't a good basis for a relationship, and we didn't really have solid plans to see each other again and I'm twenty and you're twenty-one, that's really young to be so serious - "
"Wait, on the phone? You're doing this on the phone? Give me a couple of weeks, I can come up to visit you and then we can talk - " he pleaded.
"Don't come. It makes it harder. I can't do anything else. It's better this way."
"Anne. Wait, Anne. This weekend, I can move some stuff around, take time off - "
"I don't think that's a good idea. I'm so sorry, Frederick. But I - I just can't be there for you, for anyone. I can't."
Anne took a sip of her rapidly cooling coffee and absently focused on the poorly painted walls around her. She was folded into a spindly chair behind a tiny little table, behind a half-blind corner of the only coffee shop in town, a relic of an age before cozy seating, solid wooden furniture, professional painting, and spot lighting filled modern beverage shops. She was taking a break from her grading. Students never noticed when things happened as they should, only making complaints when they noticed papers were returned in what time they considered late.
She tried taking another stab at the pile of papers in front of her, hoping to get the work back to the students before the next lab. Unfortunately, her attention was drawn to the sound of her name.
"How do you know her?" Was that Frederick?
"I've known Anne Elliot most of my life." That was definitely Louisa. "Her younger sister is married to my brother. Which makes her almost my sister-in-law."
Anne tried to draw deeper into the little alcove. What were Frederick and Louisa doing together? If they were having coffee, did that mean Frederick was single?
"She almost did become my sister-in-law. At least, that's what Charles was acting like when it all happened."
"Excuse me? She was married?" It sounded like Frederick had coughed through a mouthful of coffee.
"No, no. I think they went on a couple of dates, like, ten years ago." Louisa said airly, "He would have totally proposed. He was thinking about a ring and everything. Can you imagine, after a couple of dates?"
Frederick made a non-committal noise. "Some people know what they want early in a relationship."
"I like Anne a lot too, but still. Trying to lock her down after a couple of dates looks a little desperate. And she's so old, older than even Charles. All she does is work, knit, and volunteer. The library, the hospital, the elementary school. Ugh."
"How old are you?"
"Old enough. Twenty-three."
Frederick sputter-coughed. "Twenty-three. Right. Sorry."
"How old are you?"
"Forty."
"You're single, right?"
"Yes."
"Divorced, or never married?"
"Never married."
"Kids?"
"No, no kids."
"Any awkward exes or stalkers hanging around?"
"Hm. No, shouldn't be."
"Gay?"
"Can't say I am."
"What? Oh, good. What were we talking about? Oh!" Louisa continued blithely, "Anne never went out with Charles again, so he ended up marrying Mary a little while after that. Isn't that funny?"
"Really? Your brother married Anne's sister after dating Anne?"
"Where are you from?" Louisa's voice changed from warmly gossipy to a sharper inquiry.
"Just outside Boston."
"Then you don't know what it's like here. It's a small town, in the middle of nowhere. And nobody moves here on purpose. If you don't marry your high school sweetheart, there's only a couple of options; your cousin or the kid next door. Who may or may not be your cousin. If you're lucky, maybe there's a guy from the next school district over who's still single."
"I didn't think there were still places like that."
"You're in it," Louisa said. "Anyway, I've been looking to leave."
"Where do you want to go?"
"Anywhere. Everywhere. Where have you been?"
Frederick laughed. Anne knew that laugh, confident and proud. "I've traveled a bit. I've done a bunch of cruises."
"Like, vacation cruises? The Love Boat funships?"
"Scientific cruises."
"Where?"
"Antarctica and around the Arctic but mostly the Mediterrean and a little bit in the Bahamas. I do research on ecosystems that develop around sunken ships. The older the better."
"Have you found sunken treasure?"
"Some, but probably not what you're thinking of. We get to the sites probably after the treasure hunters have been there, and work with archaeologists if the site is old enough." Frederick began to speak a little faster, his voice going upwards in his excitement. Anne could imagine his expression, his eyes lighting up, his growing smile, fully pleased to be talking about his research. "It's the plants and animals on the old wooden ships that I find interesting. And because we can often roughly know the dates of the ships, it helps date the communities on the wrecks and see how they've developed."
"That's. Interesting. Really very. Interesting. But you've been to Europe, then? And have you been to Asia?" asked Louisa.
"Yes. Yes, I have. A couple of times." Frederick's voice slowed. He cleared his throat. "I didn't have time to do a lot of touristy things, though."
"That's a shame. I'd like to go sometime."
"Traveling is great," Frederick said.
"Yes," Louisa answered.
"So," Frederick said, sounding a little strained. "What do you do?"
"I'm a sub in the administrative pool at the college." There was the sound of a chair being pushed back. "So. Do you know how old James Benwick is?"
Anne was so invested in eavesdropping that the appearance of an older woman in a dashing scarf surprised her into nearly upsetting her cup of coffee.
"Anne!"
"Mrs Russell, my goodness, how are you?" Anne nearly put her hand over her heart.
"Very well, my dear." Mrs Russell took a rickety chair from another table and gingerly perched herself across from Anne. "It's been a little while since I've seen you."
Anne reluctantly tore herself away from the temptation of listening to the conversation happening nearby, hoping that Frederick and Louisa hadn't noticed, and began to apply herself to chatting with her mother's best friend.
"You know, I hear there's a new young man in town."
"Is there?" Anne couldn't help frowning.
"I also hear he might be interested in you. Your father says so."
"Really, I don't think so." Anne's eyes shot over to where she last had heard Frederick's voice. "I really really don't think so."
"William Elliot looks like a perfectly nice young man."
"Oh! William Elliot? Him?" Anne laughed. "I truly don't think he's interested."
"Anne, there's nothing wrong with trying to date someone, even if you're not very interested at first. You're not getting any younger."
As the oldest, and best, friend of her mother, Anne understood that Mrs Russell felt she had to fill in some of the gaps her mother's absence created. As she became older, Anne came to understand that just because Mrs Russell felt a certain way that it didn't mean Anne couldn't appreciate it while simultaneously rejecting some of that advice.
"I know, Mrs Russell. I appreciate your concern. I'm just not ready."
"Anne, it's been a long time since that incident with the sailor boy -"
"He was more - "
"- and I really never thought he was that serious, so it's probably best that it didn't work out. But we both know there hasn't been anyone since."
"I'm perfectly happy. I have my job-"
"Perfectly happy?" Mrs Russell frowned. "You are a technician in a small department. You don't even get a vote on the issues, much less in faculty governance, even though they still make you attend. They don't pay you enough. They don't even tell you about scheduling changes in the labs you teach. They should treat you better, and it's shameful. You need something else in your life." As a widow of a much venerated and long-termed president of the college, she had strong opinions about the way the college managed the people in her life.
"I don't have the degree for them to treat me better." Anne said deliberately, trying to stand firm in a way she had not been able to years ago. "I have my hobbies, and my family, and that's enough."
"And your family." Mrs Russell sighed. "You know my opinion on that."
"I know."
"I'm a busybody old lady, I know. I just want you to be happy, Anne."
"I appreciate it a lot." Anne smiled. "I really do."
Mrs Russell reached out to squeeze Anne's hands. "If you ever feel like you could join me in Florida when I go for the winter, even just for January break, please come. I'd love to have you."
Anne peeked out the window of the door in her lab. Directly across was the door to a Biology lab with its own window. It was normally not a place of distraction. Normally, it was James Benwick who taught labs in the room across the hall at the same time as she did. Today was not normal.
Frederick Wentworth was, for some reason, standing in front of the chalkboard. As he diagrammed generalized sea communities with depth across the black surface, the sleeves of his red and black flannel shirt rolled up to reveal toned forearms. He reached upward to make a mark and part of his shirt became untucked from the softly worn material of his blue jeans.
Nearly twenty years of distance had not lessened the devastating effect of Frederick Wentworth in flannel with rolled up sleeves.
Anne found herself unable to keep away from the door. She couldn't look away from a man in flannel. All he was missing was a beard and a knitted hat to complete the picture. It was laughable how much a product of New England she was.
This was not a turn of events she wanted and she did not want to put up with. She steeled herself to focus on the students in front of her and determinedly did not look in the direction of the door, or the window, or the chalkboard on the other side of that door.
She wondered if she could ask Amy Rooke to see if Housekeeping could put up some kind of blind over the windows.
Anne was working late, trying to prep the lab space for the next day when she heard a startling thump. She poked her head out of the door and saw a young man lying on his side on the floor, Frederick kneeling beside him, looking helpless and upset.
"Anne! Thank god! I opened my door and the student was walking by and then he stumbled and fell!"
Anne knelt beside Frederick and looked at the man. "Hello?" she asked the man. "Can you hear me?" The man lay silently in front of them, twitching. "Frederick, dial 99111 from a campus line, it'll get you to campus safety, and tell them a student's fallen and they're non-responsive," Anne said.
"I think he hit his head on my door on the way down."
"Then tell them to contact the EMT's right now. They'll want an ambulance." At Frederick's hesitation, Anne said, "The college is too small for its own emergency service, they use the village's."
"Anne, what else should I do?" Frederick sounded oddly helpless, anxious. "There isn't any staff around - "
"You're going to meet the ambulance by the parking lot. And you'll come with them, show them the service elevators on the far side of the building. Gurneys won't fit in any of the other elevators. The EMTs are often volunteers and they won't necessarily know that."
At his surprised look, Anne said, "Go on now, Frederick. You'll be most helpful waiting for the ambulance. I'll stay here."
After the EMT's and campus safety had arrived, after the student had been carefully lifted onto the gurney, and after all of the people had gone away, Anne settled down on the floor with a sigh, feeling as if her bones had just lost the ability to hold her up. "I hope he's going to be okay."
"I forgot how good you are in emergencies," Frederick said with a kind of awe. "How did you know what to do?"
"There was a kid who had a couple of seizures my last year in the dorms at college. It sometimes happened when she wasn't taking care of herself, not taking her medication on time, not getting enough sleep, being anxious because of stress. The kind of thing that happens at midterms, which is exactly where we are." She stretched and took a glance at her watch. "It's late. I should go home." She stopped herself with a rueful laugh. "I still have to finish prepping the lab for tomorrow."
"I can help."
She looked at him. "It's not a big deal."
"I want to help."
"It's pretty simple, just a little tedious."
"I can do that. I think. I have a PhD in science. Which sometimes is simple and a little tedious. I might even be overqualified."
She smiled. "Okay. Okay. But you've been warned."
"I get it." He stood up, and then he offered her hand. Taken off guard, she took his hand. The contact, however brief, ignited a surprise. His hand was less calloused than she remembered. She had also forgotten how big Frederick's hands were, how completely they covered her own, how warm.
"You're here late," he commented.
"So are you."
"I'm here to work, without any other distractions. Got to finish up some papers, and it's easier to work with Harville while I'm here." He paused. "He says you do a good job."
Surprised, she looked at Frederick, wondering if he was serious. "I suppose I should thank him. I try."
"He did seem surprised that we knew each other."
"You told him?"
"It seemed like I should. Just the cruise."
She hefted a big box of supplies onto a table. "One of my students cited a paper of yours a while ago for a final project. That's how I found out you had gone into academia."
"Which one?"
"Bahamas, statistical study of taxa based on distance from islands, I think. I remember the maps."
"That was a while ago. I haven't gone to the Bahamas in years."
Returning to her original task, Anne went to one side of the lab room, to a cart stacked high with tackle-box looking containers. She pulled some tackle boxes off the cart and handed them to Frederick. "If you could check to see that there are enough ph strips and chemicals in each kit, that would be great."
"How much is enough?" Frederick opened a kit and rifled through the little hard-sided plastic containers, counting out different pillow packs of chemicals.
"Some is enough, none is not enough." She paused, peeking up at him. "That's not very specific, is it?"
"That's good," he said, "if you don't mind a large variation in the definition of some."
"I don't." She grinned. "There should be enough supplies for the lab, but probably not enough to fill every single container. I just didn't want to spend the first fifteen minutes having the students concerned about that instead of actually reading the handout."
After a few minutes of concentration, he said, "This brings back some memories."
"A lab full of worktables that are all dinged up with student carvings and their bottoms coated with gum? Don't you do that in your current job?"
"No, I meant." He paused, his attention on prying apart a particularly tricky latch. "Working with you."
"Oh." Anne could feel her face heating up. It had been so long since she had blushed, she hadn't been certain she could still.
"On a worktable that was all dinged up with student carvings and coated with gum." He gave her a crooked grin.
She laughed, the tension broken. "Some things never change, right?"
"Never."
"Hello, Frederick," Anne greeted him, putting down her knitting to catch his eye. He had been standing at the entryway to the main room of the restaurant, two women at his side. It should not have been quite so surprising to see him at a local restaurant, considering that there were only a handful of ones that were not overrun with students.
"Anne?" He smiled.
"Congratulations on getting that grant."
"You've heard?" He seemed surprised and a little pleased. "We just learned about it a few days ago."
"Good news travels quickly. A multi-million dollar grant is not something that someone around here gets that often," she said.
"Thanks." He laughed a little self-consciously. "$30,000 a day for a ship does eat up a lot of money very fast, and since we want to do a couple of cruises, and then factor in sample storage and summer salary, and other travel - "
"That sounds amazing," Anne said. "To continue your research program or are you starting something new?"
"To continue, mostly." One of the women nudged Frederick. "Oh, right. Anne, this is my sister Sophia, and my sister's wife, the Admiral. Meet Anne Elliot."
"Hello," Anne said.
"Anne Elliot?" Sophia asked. Something about Sophia's expression reminded Anne of Frederick, beyond the similar height and features.
"Yes?"
"You helped the student the other day?"
"Yes, that was me."
Sophia nodded, as if confirming some inner hunch. "Frederick talked about it quite a bit. He does like competency."
"Sophia," choked Frederick.
"Thank you?" Anne said.
"Anne!" said a new voice at her side. "Thanks for getting a table."
She looked over to see William Elliot sliding into the other chair at the table. "Hello, William," she said.
"We should get going," Sophia said. "Nice to meet you."
"I'll see you later," Frederick said to Anne, leaving with a sidelong look at William Elliot.
"Nice to meet you, too," Anne replied, watching as the trio wended their way through the crowded restaurant to a recently open table.
"So, Anne, do you think your father is serious about expanding the role of the development office?"
"I don't know," Anne replied.
"That would make some changes, and the potential for promotion for everyone currently in the office," William said, thoughtful.
"That's not something I have any control over." She looked past William Elliot and saw the small form of Eve Smith slowly making her way through the other tables, clutching her walking stick. "Sorry, William, but my friend is here."
"Of course, of course," William said, standing up. Without a backward glance, he left Anne behind.
"Was that William Elliot?" Eve Smith asked, looking at his back.
"Yes?" Anne replied.
"Hm."
"What?"
"Are you going out with him?"
"Would you know?" Anne teased. Eve was the executive assistant to the President of the college, and privy to a lot of information. Between Eve Smith and Amy Rooke, there was virtually nothing unknown about the college or the relationships between people who worked there.
"It's unclear," Eve admitted.
"No," Anne said flatly. "No, I am not."
"No plans to do so? Not even thinking about it?"
"Not if I have anything to do with it," Anne said.
"Good," Eve said, with a touch too much emphasis.
"Why does everyone think I'm about to run off with William Elliot?" Anne wondered aloud.
"Things he implies."
"Why is it good that I'm not, then?"
"There might have been some irregularities with the background check when he was hired."
"Wouldn't HR know?"
Eve rolled her eyes. "Like HR commits to doing real background checks."
"How do you know?"
"My husband knows someone at his last job. Shady business, but nothing that's technically illegal."
"Good to know," Anne replied.
At the blackboard, Anne had just finished lecturing about the lab exercise when something caught her eye. She turned her head and caught a glimpse of a plain blue oxford shirt and dark hair that hurried off past the door.
She blinked in surprise.
Frederick Wentworth had been looking through the window at her.
Anne was half-way to wishing herself long gone out of work as she should have been when Colin Wallis showed up at her office door. Then she really was wishing she had gone when Colin had asked a favor of her. Then she was wishing herself home twice over when she showed up, alone, at the nicer restaurant favored by the faculty when they were taking out visitors.
"Hello," she greeted James Benwick and John and Sally Harville, already seated at the table. She sat into one of the two remaining seats. "Colin is very sorry he can't make it. I'm just here as the substitute wallet."
A moment later, Frederick walked in and, for the barest second, paused when he saw the seating arrangements. He greeted everyone and dropped into the seat next to Anne. For a moment, she felt his knee slide against the outside of her thigh, then quickly drop away. She stared down at her placemat. Frederick cleared his throat.
A funny little silence descended on the group. James Benwick launched into a discussion of his latest interest in sea snail shell chemistry. "You and your shells," John groaned.
Benwick said, "Squids are cannot compare to the majesty of the gastropod, John, and Frederick, you and your shipworms - "
"Yes, I know, a topic that's very invasive and boring," Frederick replied with a grin curling up one side of his face.
Benwick and Harville groaned comically, and then all of them looked at Anne with surprise when she giggled.
"Anyway," Anne said, "even if it seems spineless, you're all malacologists, shouldn't you all get along?"
"Oh, Anne." Sally closed her eyes in mock horror. "Do not encourage them."
"Sometimes, you conch," Frederick said. The conversation was interrupted by the appearance of the waitress.
Sally Harville said, "What was it like, growing up here?"
Benwick said, "I didn't realize you were from here."
"It's true," Anne smiled, "I'm a townie. I go to the high school reunions and everything. It's a small town in the country, and it's very quiet. Quiet enough I had to leave for college."
Sally Harville said, "You never did tell me why you came back here after college."
"Well," Anne said, and she could feel Frederick looking at her. "I came back because my mother wasn't well and I wanted to help - "
"I'm so sorry," Sally said.
"I didn't know, you never said - " Frederick said.
"It's okay. It was a long time ago, and I'm glad I came back. It was good to be there for her. I wrecked my senior year GPA and I did some damage to some great relationships, so the point where I didn't know if I would ever talk to them again. I'm sorry about it, because those were some of the best people I've ever known." She laughed a little, seeking to change the topic. "But what twenty year old is really good at talking about their feelings? Or asking for help? Not many of the ones I've taught."
"Those feelings, they've changed, haven't they, Anne?" Frederick asked.
"I don't think so," she said, looking directly at him. "Not from my side." She gave a little shrug. "I ended up staying here for my family, and then I got the job with the college. But that was a long time ago."
Anne couldn't help but notice how Frederick and the Harvilles were both looking at her. She could only silently bless the waitress that appeared to offer dessert. After checking her watch, Anne said, "I'm sorry for having to break this up, but if Frederick wants extra time to prep his talk, we're going to have to leave soon."
"I will. You'll be coming to the talk, won't you, Anne?" asked Frederick.
"Yes," she said, taken a little aback by his seriousness. "Colin won't be able to come to any part of the evening."
"Even the question and answer period?"
She nodded and then gave a little laugh. "I also have to hold the attendance sheet for students so they can get credit for attending your talk."
The biggest lecture hall in Kellynch was packed with people attending Frederick's talk. Anne sat high up in the back, the better to watch for any stray students. She thought it went well, the photos were wonderful, the talk descriptive about his research, and the little digressions were well-suited to make other points.
"This is my last slide," Frederick said, gesturing to the image of a breaching whale behind him. "Not exactly shipworms, but that's from my first summer on board a scientific research vessel, I was part of the scientific staff and it holds some wonderful memories for me. That trip, and those people, inspired me to go to grad school and get my degree and really be a main investigator into those topics. I hope everyone attending this talk gets inspired in some way by something similar, even if it's not exactly what you're doing now."
Anne's heart pounded in her chest. She had never heard anything about what made Frederick get his Ph.D. Who inspired him? Was the cruise he was talking about the one she was on with him?
His eyes caught hers for a long moment even while many hands went up for questions in the large distance between them.
Finally, attendees began to file out and Anne gathered up the last of the sign-in sheets. She waited until the last few people trickled away, to find Frederick looking at her.
"Do you want to go for a walk?" he asked.
"Yes," she said. She paused to slide the paper into Colin Wallis' mail box and then turned to Frederick. "Where do you want to go?"
He shrugged. "Where do you want to go?"
"Let's go downtown."
He offered her his hand, and she smiled as she took it, his fingers wrapping around her own.
"Anne - "
"Frederick - "
They broke with a little laugh. "You first," he insisted.
"I'm sorry, Frederick. I didn't do it properly - I didn't know how to act when we first dated. And then I didn't know how to end it without hurting you."
"Anne, I'm sorry, too. I didn't know anything about your mother. I thought you were done with me, a musclehead from a ship."
"Never have I ever said anything like that. I'm so sorry Frederick, but I couldn't talk to anyone for a while, and I'm the one who is sorry. And we were so young, and I thought I was so old and knew so much and now, when I look at the students who were the age we were then, I think they are such babies."
"Anne, if you would have said anything, I would have waited."
"I couldn't have asked you to do that. It would have been wrong. I wasn't right for a long time after my mother passed."
"How are you now?"
"I'm - I'm better. I still miss her, but it's different now."
They walked along for a while, looking up at the night sky, where the small lights of the single downtown strip broke the darkness.
"Do you know," he said, "how it felt to be surrounded by your things? To know you had touched those books?"
"I'm sorry. It was just a couple of shelves I didn't want to move. I didn't mean anything - "
"I know you didn't, but it was as if you were always there anyway. At first, it was infuriating that after all that time, that I could feel so strongly, and your things were right there, and you were right down the hall, and then, it became a part of things that felt right, that I should be near you, your books."
"After I found your first paper, I set up a google alert for when you publish," she confided.
"You do? Don't tell me you read anything beyond the Bahamas study."
She nodded. "Some."
"Oh no," he groaned. "Some of them are just oddball projects. There's no reason to read those. And the writing is not pretty."
"Some are very informative," Anne defended. "Anyway, it was just a little way to see what you were doing, once I realized you had started publishing."
He laughed. "Out of everything I could have possibly imagined for this sabbatical, finding out you read my papers was the least likely thing I could have imagined."
"Finding out you were coming was my least likely possibility."
"Finding out that you missed me, and you had reasons to break up - that means a lot. Do you think you might want to try again?"
Frederick had never been one to beat around the bush. "Yes," she said. "I think I do. A lot might have changed."
"I want to try and see."
"Me too."
They walked a short distance, and then he turned to her. "And then what? Do you think you can come and visit me when the term is over?"
"Yes." She paused. "Are you really asking?"
"I am."
"Good. Yes."
"And then after that?"
She paused. "We can see?"
He nodded. "There's money in the grant for summer research, if you wanted to collaborate."
"Does that mean I could get paid to travel with you?"
"Yes. If you wanted."
"I do," she said. "I want it very much."
They walked on together, hands tightly held, as if they were both certain neither wanted to let go again.