Work Text:
Zhongli woke to his ass being groped by his very-much-awake boyfriend, who laid beside him in bed. Sleeping on my stomach leaves my rear open to molestation, Zhongli thought.
"A-ah, Childe, are you attempting to initiate activities of a sexual nature...?"
From where his head tilted the side on his pillow, Zhongli could see Childe's wide grin in the morning light peeking through the curtains.
"Damn right I am. It's the best way to wake up, isn't it xiansheng?"
"I prefer beginning my morning by having tea and watching the sun rise, but I am open to new experiences."
Childe's grin only grew broader. He moved away from the headboard and out of Zhongli's line of sight, but Zhongli felt no need to track him further. Perhaps he could close his eyes for a moment...
Zhongli screamed out as a warm, wet mouth met his asshole. When had his pajama bottoms come off...? Oh, he must've fallen back asleep. But Childe seemed more than eager to wake him back up with his tongue on Zhongli's-
"Childe, that is unsanitary. Inserting your fingers or phallus into my anus carries far lower risk of- Ah!" A thumb began to slowly nudge its way into Zhongli's unlubricated sphincter.
"Zhongli. Xiansheng. Please don't say it like that. I think maybe I can teach you a few things about talking dirty." Childe laughed and pulled his thumb back to gently slap one of Zhongli's asscheeks, making the man jolt. "If you want more than just my tongue in your cute little ass, tell me."
Zhongli sighed. "Yes Childe, I politely request that you place your erectile organ inside my rectum." He heard Childe sputter and felt the man's forehead impact with Zhongli's asscheek, making it jiggle slightly. "Was that not sufficient, Childe?"
"Xiansheng!! Talking like that is for doctors and not for the bedroom! Please, just say 'Fuck my asshole with your huge cock.' Just repeat that word for word."
What was Childe thinking? That kind of language was not appropriate. "I am not particularly eager to introduce terminology of that nature into my vocabulary. Would you like me to rephrase my earlier statement?"
Childe made a noise of frustration, sending ripples through the cheek that Childe's face was still buried in. It sunk in somewhat, almost like a pillow. Zhongli couldn't imagine it would be particularly comfortable, though. "Yes! Anything else would be better than what you said."
"I will fulfill your request. Please Childe, implant your frontal appendage into my pelvic floor." Well, that only made Childe scream louder. "I... I humbly request your presence within my anal canal...?" No, that didn't do it either. "Please make yourself comfortable in the space of my lower gastrointestinal tract?" He was running out of acceptable words, and given how Childe was simultaneously crying and laughing hysterically into Zhongli's glutes, none of them had met his expectations.
"Zhongli- xian-" Childe cut himself off with a wheeze. "Stop- Stop talking-"
That wasn't a particularly difficult request to oblige, so Zhongli merely laid there comfortably as his lover's tears slipped down the mounds of his ass and tickled his perineum. After a few minutes, Childe seemed to regain his bearings with a quiet "Oh Tsaritsa, what have I ever done to deserve- A lot, actually."
"Do you still wish to engage in coitus?" Zhongli asked, contemplating how difficult it would be to fall back asleep.
Childe wheezed, and his laughter kicked right back up. At this point it sounded near painful. "Tsaritsa, please no-" he managed to force out of his throat before another fit of laughter overcame him. "My stomach-"
Zhongli waited patiently for his lover's cachinnation to die down again, then spoke. "You did not answer my question."
"I do, I do, just give me a second please." Given that a heavy weight no longer rested on Zhongli's ass and the thump of feet on their wooden floor, Childe had risen from the bed, like to retrieve the lube from atop the dresser. Zhongli really should ask Childe to put it on one of their bedside tables- well, it would have to be Zhongli's side. Childe tended to knock anything on his table off in his sleep. Really, it was shocking that the casing of Childe's Vision hadn't broken by now.
A weight once again dipped the mattress down at the foot of the bed. Zhongli heard the cap pop and took to looking over his nails for imperfections. The process of lubrication had never excited him quite as much as the actual penetration did, so all the more time for him. Zhongli faintly registered a slick finger entering his asshole as he scratched at his cuticles. They did need to be clipped soon. Perhaps after this, he could ask Childe for the Mora required to do so.
Childe's finger hit something in Zhongli that made him jump, tearing his attention away from his upcoming manicure. "Ah, have you located my prostate gland?" Zhongli couldn't see Childe from his position, but he did hear the snickering the man tried so very hard to suppress.
"I think you're ready." Childe reached up to grab a pillow and drag it down to place it underneath Zhongli's hips, a gesture the older man appreciated. "I'm gonna breed your wet, slutty asshole, xiansheng."
Zhongli scoffed. "An anus is not capable of adhering to human concepts such as promiscuuu...oohhhh..." His voice trailed off into a moan as Childe began to feed his thick cock into Zhongli's ass. Oh, how wonderful the weight felt inside of him, rubbing against his walls and making him see stars. Zhongli clutched his pillow tighter and pushed his knees up so his rear end was further in the air.
"Aww, xiansheng, you wanna get bred? You wanna be a good little whore for me?" Zhongli could tell Childe was smirking from his tone alone as the man bottomed out within his partner. Truly, Childe's eagerness for carnal matters, both of blood and sex, was unmatched.
"Being a licentious individual would most likely require me to have intimate relations with multiple partners, which I do not." Really, Zhongli had never understood Childe's so-called "dirty talk." But at least it seemed to make him happy- Zhongli typically only interjected when Childe's statements were blatantly wrong.
"Of course you don't, xiansheng. You're only a slut for me, aren't you? You can't get enough of my cock." Perhaps that was not too fallacious of a judgment, and hearing it did actually make Zhongli flush and clutch harder at his pillow. "You liked that one Zhongli? How about this one. Your tight, hot fuckhole is swallowing up my dick like a greedy little whore. Like it never wants me to leave. How would you like that, xiansheng? Living on my dick all the time?"
While the idea did seem as if it would be particularly pleasurable, it also seemed distinctly impractical- how were they supposed to leave the house if Childe's phallus was lodged firmly within Zhongli's body? How could they possibly walk in that state? And what of their respective professions- how would they carry out their duties while stuck together like two stubborn pieces of a jigsaw puzzle?
"While appealing, I believe it would complicate quite a few matters involved in everyday life." The proposal was certainly unreasonable, but Zhongli had to let Childe down easy. He did seem quite passionate when suggesting it, after all.
"...Xiansheng, you know I wasn't being serious, right?" Oh.
Zhongli buried his face in his pillow, trying to smother the utter mortification he felt.
"It's okay, Zhongli. I know you take a lot of things literally. But you do agree that you're my cute slut, right?"
Zhongli turned his head to the side so his voice would be audible. "Y-yes, Childe." Being described in such a way was... perhaps a bit more arousing than it should have been. But dwelling on "could have" and "should have" had never done Zhongli much good, so he instead focused on the moment as Childe's hips began to shift.
His legs shuddering and shaking with the overwhelming force of Childe's thrusts, Zhongli spread his legs to allow his lover to bury himself deeper and deeper within him. His partner had always expressed the eagerness of youth in the bedroom, a behavior Zhongli had never really been able to keep up with. But that didn't stop him from enjoying that admittedly large dick plundering his insides and leaving him breathless. Each thrust forced moans and grunts past Zhongli's lips, and he turned his head so his sounds would be muffled.
"Ah-ah, xiansheng, let me hear the sweet noises you make." Childe reached forward and grabbed Zhongli's hair, forcing him to turn his head to the side.
"Ch... Childe, I enjoy the feeling of your phallus in my-"
Childe turned Zhongli’s head back so his face was once again stuffed into the pillow. A pang of annoyance tugged at Zhongli, only to be suppressed by lightning shooting up his spine from his prostate being hit.
Zhongli moaned and drooled into the pillow as Childe's already-intense thrusts grew rougher and faster, jackhammering into his ass relentlessly. As tempting as it was to touch his cock, Childe always liked it better when Zhongli came untouched. And given how every thrust now slammed against his prostate, that wouldn't be particularly difficult. Precum dripped down from his tip onto the pillow beneath Zhongli's hips.
A loud grunt resonated from behind Zhongli, and Childe's hips paused to let warmth flood Zhongli's insides. His final thrust once again rammed into Zhongli's sweet spot, finally pushing him to the peak of his pleasure. He came onto the pillow and sheets below before his tender legs finally gave out.
"How are you feeling, Zhongli-xiansheng?" Childe asked, still breathing heavily. His cum still pumped into Zhongli's ass, enough so that Zhongli could feel it beginning to drip out around Childe's dick. Just thinking about how much Childe had filled him made Zhongli's body throb with heat.
"Hhhrnn." In his post-orgasm haze, speech was disregarded in favor of remembering how to breathe.
Childe laughed. "Fucked you wordless, didn't I? Maybe I should do that next time you start trying to talk dirty."
"Mmrrmmm." Getting fucked more wouldn't be bad. But for now, Zhongli really just wanted to take a nap.
"That's okay, xiansheng. You can have your beauty sleep; I'll clean everything up."
And so Zhongli drifted back into a peaceful slumber, comforted by the warmth inside him and the sounds of his partner moving around the bed and cleaning up the mess they'd made.