Chapter Text
*Quick TW for Tony having a break down and a blink-and-you-miss-it mention of self harm*
*****
The first time was after.
After the sky opened up and unleashed aliens over Manhattan. After a hastily thrown together team of wildly different, wildly dangerous individuals stood side to side and handed the Others a fight like Earth had never seen. After the screaming ended and the city found its feet again. After the team was named both savior and vigilante in the same press conference and after the Stark Tower ceased to be and the abruptly re- named Avengers Tower rose from the ashes with an emblazoned A shining a direct challenge to anyone who came looking for trouble.
The first time was after.
After the Avengers showed up one by one at the doors of the Tower and silently-- or not so silently-- picked out suites of rooms to live in and carved spaces to exist in what had been a near abandoned publicity stunt just a few months previous. After the AI JARVIS was tasked with not only looking after Tony, but also providing anything and everything the rest of the team needed including a sense of security and permanence most of them had never known.
It was after the submissive Bruce blinked the jade from his eyes and let his words turn softer, quieter when he realized Tony had not only provided him a suite of rooms but had also constructed what could only be called a Hulk sized apartment down below. Safe and secure for the Hulk and from the Hulk and the thought poured into the gesture rendered the Doctor all but mute and a far distance from wanting anything to smash.
It was after the Captain returned from a trip to Brooklyn with a haunted look in his blue eyes and a hand wrapped around a beat up set of dog tags bearing the name James. The Dominant’s harsh words and clipped decisiveness from Fury’s helicarriers were only a memory now, the soldier that had fought Loki and the Others reduced to only a man missing his submissive, lost in a world seventy years past when he should have died, alone despite the team in the Tower around him.
It was after Clint and Natasha moved into rooms across from each other and then just simply in with each other, after Natasha relaxed enough to stop pretending to be submissive leaning when she was clearly the more Dominant of the two Switches, after Clint shed his weapons and sometimes even his hearing aid and chose to speak only in sign language, leaning into Natasha in a motion far more passive than anyone had expected.
It was after Thor took Loki to Asgard and listened with tears in his eyes as his sibling screamed beneath the efforts of the healers to rid the influence of the Other from their mind and soul, and it was after the Dominant made plans to return to Earth seeking companionship and understanding in the five that had fought so bravely at his side, seeking adoration and perhaps something else from the Dominant with whiskey warm eyes and red- gold armor.
Everything that happened, happened after--
-- and no matter how desperately Tony wished to cling to the before, nothing was the same after Space swallowed him up then spat him out to fall.
**********
“Tony, I need you.” Pepper was in Malibu, not New York, but the pretty Dominant’s voice came over the speakers in every public room of the Tower when she linked into JARVIS’s system to avoid Tony dodging her calls.
“I’m here, Pep.” It was only a voice call, not video and Tony was silently grateful that Pepper hadn’t seen how badly her voice startled him, how the pencil had snapped in his hand and the tip had dug a gouge into his palm. “How’s it going?”
“JARVIS, please center the call in whichever room Tony is.” Pepper said instead. “Now that I’ve found you, I guess the entire team doesn’t need to hear our conversation.”
“No.” Tony brushed the broken pencil into the nearby wastebasket. “No, I guess not. What’s up? How’s Malibu and my driver that you so efficiently stole?”
“Happy and I are very well.” Pepper laughed softly and Tony put a hand over his arc reactor when the approval and affection from the Dom physically tugged at his heart. “And he says to tell you he wouldn't have switched to driving for me if you’d retired your suit, because he refuses to have his driving critiqued anymore by someone who flies around in a tin can.”
“Valid argument, the man deserves a raise.” Tony tried to keep the quiver from his voice, but when Pepper inhaled sharply, he knew he’d failed. “I’m fine, Pep. Don’t do that hard breath thing, I’m fine.”
“I should have stayed with you.” she cursed only softly and this time Tony rubbed at his heart to soothe it from the sting of irritation, even if the irritation wasn’t meant for him. He was raw-- too raw if Pepper’s displeasure affected him so much over the phone. “I’ll come see you tomorrow, alright? I have to finish a few things in the Malibu office but then--”
“Nope.” Tony interrupted the Dominant, though that was at least in the top five rules of things to never do to a Dom. He wasn’t much for rules, even when it hurt to disobey. “Nope, I don’t need you.” Lies. “I’m fine and you’re busy.”
“When will you see Rhodey again?”
“Not for a few months, he’s playing liaison between all the powers that be and his certifiably dangerous best friend.” Tony tapped at his phone until the lights in the office dimmed and he could put his head down on the desk in the dark. “I’m fine, Pep. Don’t need you or Rhodey to come flying to the rescue. I never have.”
“No, you never have.” She conceded, and the lies Tony told so easily twisted at his core until he wanted to scream.
I need you so much.
“And I know you don’t need to be down as often as other--” the Dom cleared her throat delicately. “-- as other people, but going so long between scenes when your entire life revolves around parties and press events is a lot different than going so long when you’re surrounded by what might be the most Dominant Doms in human history. I can hardly breathe around the Captain when he’s being strict, I can’t imagine how difficult it is for you.”
“It’s fine.” Lying, Tony’s fingers were shaking as he tried to clench them into fists. “Besides, Bruce is a submissive and Clint and Tasha are Switches. It’s not like it’s just me out here.”
“That’s what I’m worried about.” Displeasure again, and Tony tried to hide from it. “You have the worst coping skills in the world, Tony. I know you can’t be coping very well with having so many people in your space and touching your stuff.”
“Ms. Potts, you make it sound as if I’m a petulant child incapable of sharing!” Tony gasped, mock offended and Pepper retorted, “Darling, that’s exactly what I’m trying to sound like!”
The pet name rolled over Tony like silk, like the tender touch of the Dom’s fingers when she helped him down and under on the few occasions Tony asked for help, and it made him shudder.
“Pep--” Tony whined before he could stop himself, biting at his lip and nearly breaking there alone in his office. “I need--”
“Ms. Potts?” Someone called for Pepper on the other side of the line, and by the time Pepper had answered them and was ready to ask Tony what he’d needed, the moment had passed and Tony was sitting up again, lights up and jaw set, whiskey eyes shadowed but resolute with his choices.
“What is it, darling?” she asked gently, and Tony bit his tongue until it bled.
“Nothing. Never mind. Go save the world.”
“Pretty sure that’s your job.” the Dominant laughed again and it took all of Tony’s strength not to crumble. “I love you, Tony. I’ll fly out and see you soon, but if you need anything before then--”
“Yes ma’am, I’ll call you.” Tony hung up before she could reply, before Pepper caught the yes ma’am as it slipped out, before he broke all over again and begged.
Stark men were Iron Men, his dad used to say and Tony was better than this. Stronger than this. More Dominant than this. He was fine.
...he was fine.
*******
It was three months before Thor returned to Earth, or at least the Dominant thought it was three months. It could have been five months, it might have been six or even eight. Time moved differently on Asgard than Midgard, traveling via the Bifrost had the unsettling side effect of simply misplacing time altogether, so when the Thunder god boomed onto the balcony of the Tower and it was snowing over the city, he shrugged the flakes off and strode through the double doors to find his team.
“Anthony, Man of Iron!” Mjolnir hit the ground with a thud and Thor spread his arms wide in welcome when he saw the beautiful brunette that had so selflessly saved this world. “I have returned!”
“Thor.” Tony's smile was wide but almost brief, showing his teeth in a facsimile of that trademark grin without the emotion actually reaching his eyes. “Welcome back, we weren’t sure if you were going to stay in Asgard or not.”
“I was always going to return.” The way Tony didn’t quite smile bothered Thor, but he brushed it off in favor of moving towards the other Dominant and reaching to pull him into a hug, tempering his motions into something less boisterous than he would use to greet the rest of the team. Courting another Dom required an intimate balance of not quite challenging one another while still acknowledging the strength and power the other represented and Thor was careful not to overwhelm Tony in too large a hug, careful not to insult him by being too gentle. “You requested after our battles that I come to Midgard again and I would never deny you any--”
“L-Let me go.” The words were whispered, barely audible and a more human Dom might have missed them altogether. Thor didn’t miss them however, nor did he miss the shaky, barely there press of Tony’s palms at his chest, “Fuck, Thor, let me go.”
“As you wish.” Thor let him go in an instant, backed up several steps and watched in bewilderment as Tony seemed to crumple, the lean shoulders folding in and his hands shaking on his thighs. “...Anthony?”
Tony was pale, face twisted in pain as if he’d been punched and Thor’s gaze dropped to the arc reactor glowing blue from the other Dom’s chest, the machinery an intricate piece of genius he knew the human world was still struggling to understand. “Is your--” he tapped over his own heart. “--is your battery bothering you?”
“No.” Tony's lips pressed into a thin line as he tried to breathe. “I mean yes. Yes, it’s bothering me.”
“I...see.” Thor could see quite clearly that Tony was lying to him, that it wasn’t the arc reactor causing him pain but there was no blood, no stiffness to Tony’s gait, no visible swelling or even the too sweet stink of infection in the air around them. Tony was lying and that was worrisome enough, but more worrisome was the way Tony hurried to hide a flinch when Thor stepped forward to offer what ever assistance he might.
“There is no shame in accepting help from another Dominant.” Thor lowered his voice in both confusion and comfort. Humans had odd ideas, misplaced social structures for how the biologies were supposed to react to each other, how the behavior of a submissive could be blamed for a Dominant’s reaction, that Switches were little more than confused or that two Dominants together was some sort of abomination, that one Dom asking another for help was a sign of weakness.
Thor had never thought Tony subscribed to any of those ideas, in fact the brunette was a rarity when it came to Dominants anyway-- slight in stature and softer bodied, flirtatious and nearly teasing with shows of faux submission. Thor knew it set the Captain on edge as improper behavior and that Director Fury had no patience for what he considered Stark’s games, but Thor had been charmed by Tony’s personality, speechless over his beauty and fairly determined to get to the know the other Dominant better but now…
“There’s no shame in allowing me to help you.” he repeated when Tony only cringed away from the words. “Has something happened, Anthony? Are you alright?”
“I’m fine.” Another lie, and Thor was tempted to press it. He wasn’t known for being subtle, there was nothing subtle about thunder and hammers after all, and if something was bothering his friend and hopeful eventual partner then Thor was going to--
“How have you never heard of parkour?” The elevator doors slid open and Clint, Natasha and Steve spilled out into the common area after their morning training session. Natasha was as perfectly poised as ever, Clint complete with a bandage at his nose and another on his arm, and Steve’s dull blue eyes were sparking in what might have been amusement at the Switch’s excited chatter. “I’ve seen you jump, you’re practically a squirrel! I’m just saying, watch some videos and then let me video you parkouring the absolute shit out of the Empire State Building.”
“Clint, I don’t really think--” Steve turned from the archer and spied Thor, and with a smile almost relieved-- “Thor! Welcome home!”
“Yeah, that’s what I was just saying.” Tony tugged a pair of sunglasses from his pocket and jammed them on his eyes before Steve and the Switches got any closer. “Welcome home. I’ll go get your rooms ready.”
“Thank you.” Something something tugged at the Dominant’s chest as he looked Tony over, nothing Thor could put a name to but something that bothered him all the same when he saw the strain at the corner of Tony’s eyes and the tight set to his mouth. “I’ll see you again tonight?”
Tony gave an answer that wasn’t an answer at all, just a brief lift of his shoulders before he practically fled the common area, and Thor tried to put the uncomfortable to the side to greet his friends.
“What’s up, Thunderpants!” Clint’s rather enthusiastic hug distracted Thor from Tony’s behavior, and the giant Dom grinned down at the archer. “Bout time you showed back up! I was getting ready to steal all the pillows from your room!”
“Surely you know better than to steal from a man who could fry you with lightning.” Thor said mock gravely, and was rewarded with a soft, snorted laugh from the formidable Widow. “Natasha, would you allow him to take my things?”
“Honestly, Clint would have to fight me for your pillows, Tony got you good ones.” Natasha was usually the last person to offer or seek casual physical affection, but that had been before and now this was after and the tiny redhead stood on her toes to hug Thor tight. “Welcome back.”
“Thor, good to see you.” Steve’s grip was as strong as ever, and Thor squeezed at the blond’s hand just hard enough to make challenge spark in Steve’s eyes before he returned the pressure with a slight smile. “How was Asgard?”
“Oh I want to hear all about Asgard!” Clint shouted over his shoulder as he made his way to the kitchen for snacks. “What did you do with your looney tunes brother?”
“Have care how you speak--!” Thor began to warn, and Clint shouted back, “I know! Loki’s bat shit crazy but he’s still of Asgard! I know! Sheesh!”
Thor smiled and left the two spies to their kitchen rummaging so he could find the rooms Tony had set aside for him.
Later he would go and find Dr. Banner in the laboratory and talk about the ways science and magic entwined and they would reminisce about how the Hulk had so thoroughly thrashed the Thunder god, though Thor would absolutely insist he had been trying to de-escalate the situation and was pulling his punches. Bruce would laugh only barely and the submissive’s dark eyes would sparkle enough to keep Thor’s attention for a few seconds before they moved on to another conversation. The scientist’s company was steady, his brilliance nearly unequaled and Thor was looking forward to more time spent together when the other guy wasn’t trying to punch him through a wall.
But before talking with Bruce, Thor wanted to connect a call out to Ms. Potts. It might be Tony’s company that was both spearheading and financing the clean up and good will efforts after the alien attack, but it was certainly the endlessly capable redhead that was directing the entire campaign. Thor wanted to know how the other Dominant was handling the influx of requests for help and the increasingly frequent demands for answers the after world was bringing to their door.
Humanity’s rulers were so petty, pompous and self congratulating as if by nothing more than virtue of their expensive suits and biology as a Dominant--or at least a Dominant leaning Switch--earned them the right to anything. Petty, they were, petty and small and before Thor had left to return Loki to Asgard, politicians had already come knocking at the doors and shouting for explanations, for apologies, for acknowledgment as if it were somehow the Avenger’s fault an otherworldly army had set sights on destroying Earth, or as if the team and Tony specifically had personally disappointed them with the amount of damage left behind.
The portal was closed, the aliens were gone, and there should have been parades for the team’s bravery, not shrieks of blame and responsibility. If anything, the event was partly Thor’s fault for a myriad of reasons that took him back decades and centuries to the way he and his sibling had once been and now would never be again thanks to Odin, thanks to lies, thanks to anger.
“Thor!” Pepper was thrilled to see him on the video screen, and her sweet smile pushed darker thoughts from Thor’s mind. “Welcome home! Have you seen Tony yet, I know he’ll be so excited to see you again!”
The words didn’t feel like a lie, and Thor had never known the other Dominant to bend the truth even slightly, but her promising Tony would be happy to see him while Tony had in fact flinched away and hid behind sunglasses felt… it felt wrong and it sat at the back of the big blond’s throat like a steel weight.
Why had Tony flinched?
That wasn’t the sort of question to ask Pepper, even though out of anyone beyond the Colonel, she would know best what was bothering Tony. The way she insisted Tony would be happy at Thor’s return hinted that perhaps she didn’t know about whatever Tony was struggling with and the thought of the all seeing redhead not knowing made the uncomfortable weigh down even harder.
Something was wrong, but then again maybe nothing was wrong. Thor was always a little unsettled when he returned from Asgard, the culture shock between his own world and Midgard enough to leave his senses reeling and his instincts slightly askew. Maybe nothing was wrong and he’d simply built the moment of seeing his Anthony again up to the point of impossibility and real life had disappointed him. Maybe he should stop thinking of the other Dominant-- or Switch? He really wasn’t sure how Tony identified, there were so many layers to the carefully constructed mask he wore--
--Maybe Thor should stop thinking in terms of his Anthony since the affection had been born from battle lust and nurtured by absence and here months later, was clearly only one sided.
Maybe Thor had been wrong about the light or adoration in Tony’s eyes after the fight and the way he’d clung to Thor’s frame when they had all hugged goodbye that final morning.
Maybe, but the weight of uncomfortable making it hard to swallow was convincing the demi god otherwise.
Pepper was still chatting about the clean up efforts and how difficult it was to coordinate from Malibu but how she didn’t ever get a spare second of work done when there were actual superheroes roaming the halls of the Tower, so the distance was good for everyone--
“When will I see you again, my lovely Ms. Potts?” Thor waited for the other Dom to pause for a breath, then smiled knowingly when the redhead blushed over the endearment. “I’m sure our Man of Iron is only half at home here without you at his side.”
“Oh Lord.” Pepper’s blush deepened only slightly and it was utterly charming to the demigod. “Don’t tell you’ve been hearing the rumours about Tony and I dating? I know the world all but ended, but that doesn’t mean it’s suddenly a good idea to take up with--”
“--another Dominant?” Thor interjected, and Pepper’s green eyes flickered with enough emotion to give Thor pause before she finished, “--my boss. Nothing to do with how either of us identifies. I just fully intend to own this company one day and I won't have it being said I earned the position on anything less than my personal merit.”
“I’ll rain lightning on anyone who would suggest otherwise.” he answered solemnly, and Pepper’s delighted laugh lit up the screen, whatever had darkened her eyes a moment previous apparently forgotten.
“I appreciate the heavenly help.” she teased. “And be sure to ask JARVIS for anything you need, Thor. You might tell Tony but he’s a little distracted these days. Escalate the request to JARVIS and he’ll let me know right away, alright?”
“Yes ma’am.” Thor touched his chest in a symbol of respect to the other Dom. “Be well with you, Pepper.”
“Bye, darling.” she blew him a kiss and the screen went dark, but Thor sat on his bed in his room for another moment longer, wondering what he’d seen in Pepper’s eyes about Tony and wondering how it fit with the weight that sank lower in his chest every time he thought about Tony flinching away from him, begging for Thor to let him go.
Something was wrong, and though Thor still couldn’t quite put a name to what was aching in his bones, it felt an awful lot like the guilt he used to feel when Loki would get upset and shout at him.
No Dominant wanted to be shouted at by a submissive, whether they saw it as a breach of some sort of respect or because the Dom immediately felt a failure for pushing a submissive to act so out of character. On Asgard a Dominant’s entire purpose was to guide and teach their submissive, to put their partner on a pedestal to be adored and then to shield them from anything the world might bring.
To fail at that was a disgrace, and Thor had received more than a few verbal thrashings from the Queen Mother when his bumblings and early attempts at connecting with a submissive went sideways. He’d learned the lessons, and had even abstained from taking a submissive again until he was ready to commit the way they deserved. He had yet to find the one that perfectly matched his Dominance but Thor planned to be ready when the day came so he never failed again.
The guilt from failing at those early attempts had eaten at Thor like it was eating at him now, clawing at his heart and twisting his stomach into knots because he was failing Tony, which didn’t make any sense, because one Dominant should not be able to fail another in matters of the heart...
“Big man in a suit of armor, take it off and what are you?”
The words had been a challenge, one Dominant to another in the heat of an augment, Iron Man and Captain America toe to toe and eye to eye as the influence of the scepter glowed blue around them. Steve was furious at Tony’s supposed indifference, Tony was annoyed at being questioned, the entire heli-carrier was in for a reckoning by way of Loki and eventually the Hulk, but in that tense moment of before Thor had glanced and seen the color wash from Tony’s face, had seen the way his knees buckled for a split second as if he wanted to go down, had seen the instinctive duck of his head and then the immediate straightening and flare of anger and spit of scorn.
“Genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist.”
It had been only a split second before the ship heaved beneath a blast and they’d very nearly lost everything, but it had been a split second where Tony had stood his ground and announced he was enough and now afterwards, after the battle and fall and the team moving in to the Tower and Tony flinching away from Thor’s affection--
--after it all rang in Thor’s head as a clear plea from a submissive to have their worth acknowledged.
But Tony-- his Anthony-- was a Dominant, right?
...Right?
**********
“Damn it, Tony! Just get out of here!” Bruce was upset when Thor made it down to the lab, and since the scientist didn’t like showing much emotion at all, he was seriously upset to be almost shouting at Tony, “I know you want to design Fury’s new vehicle, but you’re distracted and making mistakes and getting in the way!”
“How can I get in the way when this is my lab?” Tony’s jaw was tight, the sunglasses sliding down his nose enough to show his eyes wide and upset, and from the door, Thor could tell his hands were shaking. “This is my project, Brucie Bear. You don't like how I’m doing it, you’re more than welcome to leave.”
“This is not a matter of me liking your project or not.” Bruce said sharply, the submissive’s tone bordering on disrespectful, a dangerous thing when dealing with a… Dominant… as volatile as Tony. “This is a matter of you trying to give an SUV vertical propulsion and screwing up your math to the point of turning the damn thing into a bomb! Fury hits that button and half of DC goes boom!”
“I’m doing it the right way!” Tony grit out. “I designed the vertical propulsion system Bruce, I’m pretty sure I can do some damn math.”
“Well, I don’t think you can and since this is a matter of safety and not about coddling your ego, why don’t you put it away for a while.” Bruce pushed his way into Tony’s work station and started to delete the last several rows of coding. “You’re going to blow half the city to pieces at this rate. Go get some sleep or some food or something, and let me work.”
“You’re kicking me out of my own space.” Tony said slowly, carefully, almost dangerously and Thor found himself moving forward unprompted, not wanting to be too far away from whatever was about to happen. “Out of my own lab.”
“I’m telling you that I know from personal experience to let someone step in and take over before irreversible mistakes are made.” Bruce’s eyes flickered green in annoyance. “You can jab me with lightning rods all day and not piss me off but when your refusal to listen to anyone ends up putting other people in danger, yeah, I’ll step right in and get green on you if I have to. Move.”
Tony’s fists clenched hard enough to turn his knuckles white, but he whipped around to stomp from the lab and let Bruce work, to let a submissive sit there and kick him out of his own goddamn space, to let his lack of sleep and ability to cope be thrown in his face like it was his fault--
-- and ran right into Thor, bounced right off the massive chest and nearly fell into a table.
“Easy.” Thor lowered his voice to a comforting rumble in an attempt to settle the little brunette, but all it did was make Tony’s cheeks blaze red as he tripped over his feet and knocked over a chair in a rush to straighten.
“You-- you make a better wall than a damn person.” he snapped. “Christ, who sneaks up on people like that? Move!”
The lab doors swished open and closed behind Tony’s fleeing figure, and Bruce watched him go with regret flickering across his fine features before he asked, “You alright, Thor? I mean, I feel like running into someone like you hurts the other person more, but are you alright anyway?”
“Anthony doesn’t weigh enough to bruise.” Thor assured him, keeping his tone pitched low until the submissive’s shoulders relaxed. “What happened just now?”
“Some Dom’s need to remember that they aren’t always right just by virtue of their biology.” Bruce snorted and made no attempt to apologize for his disrespect, which suited Thor just fine. Submissives tended to be softer, quieter, but that didn’t mean all Doms wanted a fainting, sweet tempered partner either, and Thor would rather cut his own arm off than force Bruce or any other submissive into a pretense of behavior. “Tony’s running on caffeine and spite and he’s making careless mistakes with his work. Honestly, I don’t know how he hasn’t killed himself or other people by accident with how little he sleeps while he works. He needs to take a break, not argue with me about math because his ego can’t take being corrected by someone he considers an employee.”
“Ah.” Thor nodded gravely and leaned against a table to fold his arms, careful not to appear overbearing. Bruce wasn’t the average submissive, but everyone was uncomfortable when a Dom physically postured. “So we the Avengers are now Stark employees, is that it?”
“That’s what the news makes it seem like.” Bruce smiled a little bit. “We’re living here because Tony was nice enough to open the doors, but sometimes he acts like we’re all just stepping on his toes by being here and that’s--” the scientist blew out a deep breath. “If it’s so hard for us to be here, why’d he tell us to come?”
“Perhaps the stress of being surrounded by what could be family is better than the anxiety brought by living alone.” Thor offered, and the sub’s mouth tipped up in an understanding smile.
“And all of us-- except for maybe you-- are entirely alone. Right. I see it.”
“I’ll go check on Anthony.” Bruce was fairly touch averse, so the Dom avoided laying a comforting hand on his shoulder like he would another submissive, choosing instead to stand just close enough for Bruce to feel his presence before backing off entirely. “You’re alright?”
“Wasn’t the first time I dressed a Dom down, won’t be the last.” Bruce grunted and went back to work. “Thanks, Thor.”
Thor didn’t comment on Bruce’s repeated referral of Tony as a Dominant, since he needed to gather more evidence before putting words to the knowing that kept circling in his mind, so he only smiled and left the lab to head upstairs and see if he could find Tony again.
Maybe he could just ask…
“God, Tony! Get out of the way!”
Thor found Tony in the movie room just as Clint winged a pillow at the brunette so Tony would move from in front of the TV. The Switch was laughing and even Natasha was giggling softly, the pillow and order to move made only in good fun, with not even a hint of anger in either words or action.
They were teasing, but for a split second Tony looked so thoroughly devastated it nearly sent the big Dom to his knees.
Anthony.
A split second after and the expression was gone, Tony’s eyes glittering in laughter, tone even as he mumbled something sarcastic and quippy in return and then took entirely too long to move from in front of the television and pick up his tablet as if the interaction was a game between friends and he wasn’t close to hyperventilating from the thorough rejection and reminder that he didn’t fit.
“Anthony.” Thor reached for him as Tony tried to dart out the door. “Wait--”
“Don’t touch me.” Hissed, frightened, Tony recoiled from the touch and darted down the hall with his tablet clutched to his chest as if it were a lifeline and after a moment of indecision and wondering…
… Thor followed him.
*******
Thor was well aware he was thoroughly intruding on Tony’s privacy by entering the penthouse suite of rooms uninvited. The door was ajar, but that was more likely because Tony hadn’t been able to gather himself enough to shut it completely, not because he wanted company or was even expecting anyone to follow.
The Dominant intruded anyway, slipping through the half open door and then shutting it quietly behind himself, following the trail of discarded belongings-- the tablet, Tony’s watch, his shoes, a jacket-- towards the huge ensuite bathroom and over to the giant bath tub.
“...Anthony.” All the air rushed out of Thor in a whoosh when he found Tony huddled in the far corner of the bathtub, fully dressed and hiding his face in his arms, shivering in the cool air and clutching at his own skin hard enough to leave indents and closer to his elbow, hard enough to draw blood that dripped in bright scarlet onto the cold porcelain.
Terrified. Alone. Desperately needing a guiding touch. Submissive.
Tony was a submissive and in that moment, everything wrong about how Tony had been acting made perfect, heartbreaking sense.
“Elskan mín.” the Dominant whispered hoarsely. My darling, and the endearment slipped from his lips un noticed. “I am so sorry I did not see.”
Tony curled tighter at the words, hunched his shoulders and tried to disappear altogether. “I see you now.” Thor took a risk and moved closer, reach to wind thick fingers into the submissive’s dark curls and allow the weight of his palm to rest against Tony’s scalp in an instinctive attempt to comfort. “I see you now.”
“Wh-hat--?” Tony’s breath hitched over the croaked words. “What are you doing? Don’t-- you don’t have to--”
“Settle.” Thor sat carefully at the edge of the tub and inched in until his thigh was resting next to Tony’s head, until they would be touching if Tony lifted his head even a tiny bit. “I’m here now, elskan mín, no need to worry.”
“I can’t--” the sub choked, coughed. “I can’t-- Thor--”
“I’m here.” Thor repeated and kept himself very still, held his breath for long moments until slowly slowly slowly, Tony shifted his weight enough to only barely lean against Thor’s thigh. “There, that’s very good.”
A broken, half desperate whine echoed around the bathroom at the words, and Thor had to close his eyes over the sound of his own heart shattering. “You’re doing very good for me, Anthony.” he repeated, forcing his words past the uncomfortable from before that had grown to near strangling in his throat. “You are wonderful.”
Another whine just as heartbreaking as the first, and Thor told himself to breathe as trembling fingers crept cautiously up to knot in the material of his jeans.
“I--I--I--” Tony couldn’t hardly put a sentence together, but Thor resisted the urge to shush him. “I haven’t slept in a week.”
Thor’s grip tightened briefly and the terrified submissive leaned into it a little more. “Can’t close my eyes or-- or I see monsters. Space. That f-fucking portal. I’m freezing, so cold, wanna take a bath but c-can’t take a bath alone cos it feels like drowning, can’t hardly shower more than a few minutes cos it feels like--”
Like Afghanistan, the Dominant mentally finished when Tony’s voice trailed off. Drowning felt like Afghanistan where he’d been captured and held and tortured for three months.
“It’s worse after-- after space. After New York. After everyone moved in. Everyone’s watching me and I can’t take it. I haven’t slept in a week.” Tony was laughing now, high and hysterical and awful, tears pouring down his face from behind tightly shut eyes and soaking into Thor’s leg. “Can’t sleep. Pep’s gone and Rhodey’s gone and I can’t sleep and before-- before I used to be normal and after I’m just a mess.”
A deep, shuddering breath. “Stark men are Iron Men but I’m a mess. My dad would be so disappointed.”
It was freezing in the bathroom, and Tony’s lips were turning blue with the effort of keeping himself warm, his body temperature dropping dangerously low. It was typical reactions to a submissive having gone too long with a Dom to bring them properly down-- lowering body temperature and inability to sleep, moodiness and skittishness, fear of being touched while needing to be touched all the same, unable to handle anyone in their space but panicking when they were displaced from a comfortable spot.
It was all typical reactions and Thor wanted to curse the Realms because he had missed it-- he and everyone else in this Tower had missed it and now Tony was hurting.
“I lie about it.” As if he were reading Thor’s thoughts, the submissive whispered again, “I lie about how I’m doing so Pepper doesn’t worry but she and Rhodey are th-the only ones that know. No one else knows.”
“Thor.” More tears now. “D-Don’t tell anyone. The team already thinks I’m awful, finding out I’m like this would make it worse. It would make everything worse, they don’t want me around and if they knew-- if they knew--”
It was quiet in the bathroom for so long that Tony started to wonder if Thor had gone, if he was so desperate and so far from sub space that he’d hallucinated the big Dom’s hand in his hair and thigh at his cheek. Was he that far gone? Was he that out of his mind? He needed to call Pepper, he needed to call Rhodey, he needed to get something to make himself bleed so he would know he was still alive---
“Settle.”
Oh. The deep voice rolled like thunder over Tony’s frame and he sucked in a shocked breath. Thor was really here. “Th-Thor--?”
“I’m here.”
Tony couldn’t have moved if his life depended on it, but Thor moved him as if he didn’t weigh anything at all and the submissive couldn’t more than gasp helpless as he was lifted and then turned until Thor’s solid bulk was sat behind him on the cold porcelain and Tony’s entire frame was caught between the powerful thighs. One of Thor’s hands wound around his chest until Tony could unfold his arms and grip at the Dom’s fingers tight, and Thor nudged Tony’s legs open only enough to encourage the sub to rest his feet over his ankles.
“I’m going to turn the water on to warm us up, Anthony.” Tony seized up in immediate panic, but Thor didn’t let him go, only nuzzled his nose in tighter to Tony’s throat and rumbled, “I’ve got you, elskan min. I won’t let you drown. Hold on to me.”
“Thor--!”
“I’m here.” Low and solid and Tony clawed through the immediate terror of hearing the water splashing on the tub to try and cling to the Dom both physically and mentally, tearing his nails into Thor’s hand as he tried to stay calm, focusing on every syllable from Thor’s mouth as the water raised centimeter by crushing centimeter.
“Thor--!”
Thor only hummed, coaxing and comforting, not sure if he could manage words when the little submissive was close to shattering apart in his arms. It was painful to hold someone so scared, and knowing that he had missed all the signs before, that all of them had missed all the signs before and now Tony was suffering made the bile rise in the Dom’s throat until he thought he might vomit. Words wouldn’t come in the face of such abject failure, so Thor kept humming and running his free hand through Tony’s hair, petting at the submissive gently, tugging at the loose curls as the water rose higher and Tony squeezed back into his arms and tried to hide from it.
I won’t let you drown.
The bath rose hot and steaming, soaking through their clothes and soothing the near violent tremors racking Tony’s frame. Over their waists, and Thor held Tony a little closer when the submissive shied away from it. To Tony’s chest and Thor used only the lightest pressure to tip Tony’s chin back and rest his head on his shoulder to keep him out of the water. Tony whimpered when Thor went to move, so the Dom lay his palm feather light over the curve of Tony’s throat and waited uncertainly until Tony went a little more lax in his arms and the sub’s breathing started to even out beneath the controlling touch.
“That’s so good.” Thor’s voice cracked so he cleared his throat and tried again, “Anthony, you are being so good for me.”
“Ohh-hh--” Tony shivered and turned his nose further into Thor’s neck, the death grip at the Dom’s arms finally easing and falling. “Thor.”
“I’ve got you.” Thor reached to turn off the water and in the resulting quiet , closed his eyes to the steam and concentrated on the delicate frame held over his heart. “Anthony, I won’t let you drown.”
And Tony--
-- Tony dipped low towards unconsciousness in one breath, then floated up towards bliss in the very next, the journey slow and the breath stretching endless and the light waiting for him at the edge of sleep grounded by a low rumble or words and the steady thump-thump of a heartbeat beneath his ear.
Thor wouldn’t let him drown.
********
The submissive came back to awareness slowly.
First it was the warmth that covered him from the tip of his toes to his chin, the warmest he had been in weeks, months, years. Then it was the weightlessness, buoyancy in the water, buoyancy from the arms holding him safe, buoyancy because the weight of consciousness wasn’t bearing down his shoulders and pushing the air from his lungs. Then it was fingers in his hair, lightly grounding and gently scratching, pin pricks of sensation that didn’t come close to hurting or bleeding and still managed to let the sub know he was alive.
He was alive and the clothes floating in the bathwater and brushing against his skin felt heavy but that was alright, because he’d been panicking and now he wasn’t panicking and he tried to stay very still-- very still-- because he didn’t want to displease the Dom by moving too fast or coming up too quickly. He didn’t want to displease the Dom and make this all stop so he stayed very still and held his breath and pretended he was deeper gone than he really was just so it wouldn’t stop.
“Elskan min.” It was practically a purr in the submissive’s ear, rough and tender and a language he didn’t speak, or maybe it was English and he was too far scattered to understand it yet, but he didn’t feel scattered and the noise felt good through the lips pressed to his temple so the submissive tried to hide from the pull of awake and shivered closer to the warmth at his back, closed his eyes tighter and tried to stay under just... a little... longer.
The submissive didn’t really remember leaving the bath and having the sodden clothing peeled off his trembling frame, he didn’t remember being effectively swaddled into thick blankets and tucked into bed but in the morning the sub--
--in the morning Tony woke to the distinct feeling of having been watched over while he slept and it wasn’t-- it wasn’t the worst feeling in the world. There was water and a mild pain killer on the side table, a clearly homemade breakfast and a glass of juice sat on a tray at the foot of his bed and Tony gave himself a moment to revel in the novelty of being taken care of before tears started burning behind his eyes and he had to hide in a pillow again.
Thor had stepped up to save him, then stepped away to grant him privacy to recover and Tony should be grateful instead of wanting to sob over coming back to waking alone. He hated being alone afterwards but it was fine, it was fine, he’d never asked Rhodey or Pepper to stay and there was no reason why he’d ask Thor to stay or even hope Thor would want to stay…
...It was the story of Tony’s life as a submissive-- just pathetic enough for a Dominant to take pity every once in a while, never enough to keep their attention.
“JARVIS, start the shower. Set the timer. Two minutes.”
Two minutes was all Tony could handle when he was alone in the shower, and the second the timer went off, he bolted from the water and patted himself dry. “JARVIS, music. Something loud.”
“Perhaps something soft this morning, sir.”
“No, give me something to keep me awake.” Tony dressed in layers, piece after piece like armor-- first an undershirt, then a tshirt. Long socks and jeans. A zip up hoodie fastened up to his neck. Layers like armor and loud music to keep him going and sunglasses just in case.
“Time to go pretend like I’m not falling apart for another day.” Tony slicked his hands through his hair and blew out a deep breath. “J, where’d we land on that music?”
“Would you like me to call for Thor, sir?”
“Christ.” Tony’s jaw worked as he contemplated how the demi god would react to being summoned, how the Dominant had probably told everyone on the team that Tony was a submissive because Thor assumed everyone was friends and if everyone was friends then everyone was family and he wouldn’t feel the need to keep a secret.
All the years of Tony hiding and forcing himself to be strong, to be iron, to not give in to his biology so people would take him seriously as a Stark and a CEO and now as a superhero would be lost.
Lost.
“Sir? Would you like to call for Thor?”
“No.” Tony switched the sunglasses out for a darker pair and pushed the lingering feeling of warmth from Thor’s hands firmly out of his mind. “Don’t you dare. Yesterday was the first and last time anything like that will happen, do you understand?”
“...as you wish, sir.”
***********
Chapter Notes:
As I was writing this chapter, I was struck by the similarities in the MCU before and after New York and IRL for us Before and After Covid. We aren’t really “After” Covid, we’re in like... the “we’re still adjusting but unfortunately this is just real life now” phase so that’s where I set this fic. Post NY in the way where everyone is so aware of just how different life is, but only “After” in the way where they are still working through all the ways life will never be the same. Everyone’s so trapped in their own thought process and trauma that they are only barely beginning to see how much everyone else is struggling.
One of my favorite tropes is “everyone thinks character is THIS when in reality they are THIS” and it works so well for Tony because every time we see him in the MCU and up through CACW he’s wearing a different literal and/or metaphorical mask the entire time and then at CACW he’s broken and moving into SM:HC, IW and EG he’s done pretending and that’s when he’s the most beautiful (to me). Thor changes alot too through EG when he can’t pretend anymore and I love two characters that end up stripped of everything, meeting at some point beforehand and falling in love.
That aside HOW MUCH DID WE LOVE THAT BATHTUB SCENE. I absolutely adore scenes where the couple washes/bathes each other whether it leads to sex or not. But also, Tony breaks my heart into a thousand pieces and I can’t wait to get to the parts where Thor helps put him back together.