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present day, 21:03
You see the hesitation in his eyes as he presses a kiss to your forehead. His lips are colder than usual, but your lips curl upwards because of the love you feel rushing through you. “Don’t be afraid, Sebby.”
Your husband tries to smile back at you, his arms crawling around your back in a feeble attempt to provide you with the warmth he thinks you deserve. You can feel it as he wraps you into a hug, breathing in his pumpkin-stained scent. “I’m not brave like you are, Hy. I can’t hold myself together quite as well as you do.”
This conversation always finds a way to come back no matter how many times you try to shut it down. For the fifth time this week, your finger arrives at his lips, the single gentle touch shushing Sebastian immediately. “Remember what I told you about not talking like that, Sebby. If you keep speaking like yourself in such a negative way, you will believe it too.” Your hand skims across his back lightly, briefly remembering your first few interactions and how he had almost been hostile with that facade of his. “Are you practising those affirmations diligently?”
Sebastian averted his eyes from yours. You know that he doesn’t like to admit it when he hasn’t been listening to you. “Hy, I really did try.”
You smile at him, a smile that’s been broken for too long, but a smile nonetheless. “I know you did, honey.” You take his big calloused hands into yours as your mouth meets his.
When you break apart, you give him “that look” and he buries his face into your neck, holding you so tightly that for a second you believe he has never had any possession of his own, like a child clinging on to their last toys.
“I am brave,” he whispers into your chest, his voice muffled through the fabric of your blouse. He’s embarrassed to meet your eyes and to speak at full volume.
You pull him away from your clothing, towards you. “Yes, you are.”
***
seven years ago, 13:49
You’re running as fast as you can. You need to escape, to disappear, to be anywhere but here. You can’t stay here anymore. It’s not safe.
No one cares about you anymore.
No one loves you anymore.
If you turn back, you’ll lose everything. You need to get out of this stupid town. Stay out of everyone’s sight. Not one person in this tiny dumpster of a place can be trusted. They’ll all rat you out to your parents, and you’ll be transferred back into their hands. The cycle will continue. Do you want to continue getting hurt?
So you can’t stay here. You have to go.
Your feet have not failed you yet. You’re not a runner, but right now it seems that they are as fast as the wind. You will thank them, once you reach your destination. The problem is, you don’t know where your destination is.
If Grandpa was still here, he’d protect you. But his protection is no longer here.
You’re on your own.
“Hyacinth!”
They’re screaming now. You hear your father. Your mother is hysterical. They’re far enough that they won’t see you, but you can hear them. Their wails are intensifying. You need to go. You can’t stop, or everything will be over.
“Hyacinth!” But this voice is not your parents. This voice is hushed, urgent, and secretive. Should you stop? But you can’t risk it. Surely you can’t get caught, not right now, not ever.
You keep running but a hand tugs your arm. You don’t care, you can’t stop. You keep running. Until the hand tugs you the other way. “What—”
When you spin around you’re staring straight at him, Sebastian. You had a crush on him before in grade school, but that’s ancient history. What were the chances that you’d meet again, with you fleeing like this? But he’s not here to stop you, because he clamps a hand over your lips when your parents’ screams near the area. He pulls you away, shielding you from the side.
“Sebastian!” They call out, breathing a sigh of relief. You’re shaking from the terror. “Have you seen our dear Hyacinth?”
He shakes his head. “Sorry I can’t be of much help.” You notice that he sounds annoyed. He must have been doing something before you came.
“That’s okay,” your mother replies, her voice laced with artificial kindness. “Thanks for helping, sweetie.” She whispers something to your father and they both continue running, their screaming resuming.
When they’re out of earshot Sebastian growls. You don’t know why, but you don’t ask. And then all of a sudden, he pulls you onto his motorcycle. “Where were you going?” He whispers, his voice softer now. “I’ll take you there.”
You rub your eyes, realising once again that you had no idea. Well, you have to tell him somewhere . “Zuzu,” you say, your voice now filled with determination. You can make a new life in Zuzu.
You’re not going to be the person who runs away anymore. You’re going to be the girl that no one can stop, no matter how hard they try. Nothing will hurt you ever again.
what you didn’t know
Nothing will hurt you ever again. Sebastian made sure of that.
“She’s not your hyacinth,” he snarled into his helmet, when they left. You’re the most beautiful hyacinth he’s ever seen. He hated to see you like this. He wished you could be unadulterated like you were before — happy.
He would keep you safe. He promised himself.
***
yesterday, 07:23
“Don’t ever come back here,” Demetrius snarled at Sebastian. “You’re not welcome anymore, can’t you see? I will never forgive you for what you did to Maru.”
“Honey, what’s the problem?” Robin whispered, her eyes widening as she rushed over. “Sebby, are you okay?”
His cheek still stung, red from the strike of anger that Demetrius had just inflicted upon him. His breathing hitched, but he shifted his eyes back to the ground. Focus, Sebastian, focus.
Robin reached out an arm to comfort Sebastian, but Demetrius stopped her. “If you’re going to talk to this… if you’re going to talk to him, you better do it outside. He’s not welcome here anymore.”
Not wanting to cause a spectacle, Robin took Sebastian with her a few steps away from the house. “What did you do this time, Sebby? Why is he so angry? You’re a father now, you should know to be more responsible.”
Sebastian’s eyes were still trained on the ground. “Nothing, Mom. I don’t want you to worry.”
“ Sebby .”
He brushed a kiss against his mother’s cheek, wanting to hold her close as she had done for him so many times. He took a deep breath. “Hy’s pregnant again.”
***
two years ago, 16:38
“I now pronounce you husband and wife.”
Sebastian brushes his hands against your cheeks, lifting your face to meet his. You can see it in his eyes. He was happy. You can feel it in your face, the giddiness that refuses to give your cheeks a break. They heat up, and somehow the smile on your face is unmovable.
“You may kiss.”
He leans down to brush his lips against yours. You can feel it as his mouth covers yours, enveloping you in a dream. It’s soft and warm and wonderful, but even then you can feel the hesitation behind it. He’s so gentle, always so careful not to hurt you one bit.
When you’re done, his lips brush against your ear and you shiver. “My hyacinth.”
He turns back to look at you. “I’ll love you forever.”
***
one year ago, 03:09
“What should we name her?” he whispers so gently, not wanting to startle the baby.
You lift your daughter into your arms, watching her breathing. She’s so precious, so small. You’ll be careful not to hurt her and to give her a full and happy life. “Cordelia,” you answer. Your daughter will be Cordelia.
Because of the water you crossed when you escaped to Zuzu, and the waitress girl who introduced you to a small apartment. The beginning of your new life.
***
next week, 12:36
“I’m sorry for how my father treated you, Seb,” Maru says, averting her eyes out of both shame and penitence. “I should have stopped him long before this happened.”
Sebastian doesn’t say anything.
“It’s not your fault, Maru, don’t blame yourself,” you say, still moving Cordelia’s things into a box. “We should have told you earlier.”
Maru presses her lips together impatiently. “But that’s not— that’s not an excuse for how he treated you. And this isn’t the first time something like this has happened to Seb. This is my fault. I should have been a better sister.”
He puts his hand on her arm, a gentle touch that could stop everything. “No, Maru. It is I who should have been a better brother. I resented you for all those years, for something that was never your fault.”
Maru looks from Sebastian to you and back to Sebastian. “So… you guys are really leaving like this? Nothing I say can convince you to stay?”
You shake your head. This is the second time you’re escaping the Valley with him. You thought it would be safe without your parents here to stay forever… but it looks like you were wrong.
“We’ll be back someday,” Sebastian promises Maru, kissing her cheek softly. “The Valley is such a lovely place. I know we’ll find our way back. It’s just not the time right now.”
She brushes back tears as you pull her into a hug, too. “Then I guess, all I can say is just keep your son safe.”
***
three years later, 05:52
“We’re back, Mommy!” Cordelia pumps her fist into the air, cheering as she pounces on you. “I don’t have to share a room with Dean anymore?”
“That’s right,” you laugh as you brush her hair away from her face. “You can have your own room now.”
Then you shift your gaze to your husband, busy helping your son across the path. “We’re back where we started, aren’t we?”
Sebastian lifts his eyes from Dean, named for the Valley, back to you. “Third time’s a charm, my hyacinth.”