Work Text:
Late nights are always the time for painful memories. For painful thoughts. And for Shoko, who always seems to be awake at this time, always seems to get these thoughts. And tonight, it’s about them. The kids. Loud, boisterous, innocent, and yet not, playful…kids.
They’re just kids.
They’re just kids in love.
Learning what the other feels like, physically, emotionally. Feeling how they fit into each other’s lives. They’re just kids, slotting into the same destined pain she went through, and she can’t stop it.
And Shoko is only able to watch them in the distance with her own ache in her chest, a feeling of a past she can barely remember anymore.
She doesn’t know how she ends up at the corner of the doorway between the hallway and the kitchen and lounge area. She doesn’t know how she ended up leaving her office, if she’s honest. But here she is witnessing said kids, living a life so simple, as if it couldn’t be ripped away from them in seconds.
A life she knows is familiar. She watches the scene in front of her if only because she can’t help but draw parallels from her own life to them.
“Stop it, Maki!” Nobara is shrieking as she runs around the kitchen table’s side, across from Maki. “Come near me with that cake icing and I promise you, you’re going to regret it!”
“Oh?” Maki’s standing still, looking at her with a mischievous grin. She’s holding up a spoon covered in what looks like chocolate icing. She’s got the same look she usually wears when she’s calculating a move to make out on the field.
“I’m serious, Maki!”
“I know. But it’s funny you think you can take me.”
Nobara moves to put her hands on her hips. She’s in a, what seems to be Yuuji’s, blue ripped t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants that drags past her ankles, rolled up and falling down all at the same time. The pants are patterned with bright flowers of multiple pastel colors. Someone passing bye could barely tell the details though considering head to toe she’s covered in baking flour.
Maki, on the other side, is wearing what would look to probably be a matching set of bright pink pajama set, patterned with monkeys. Her glasses are tilted to hang on her head and her hair is down, flowing down her back. The pajamas could probably be guessed to be from Nobara herself if Shoko had to guess from her hiding spot. She too, is covered in cake ingredients, but unlike Nobara it only seems to be on her upper half. Maki’s face is covered in icing, which would explain the current situation.
And from the back corner, which leads to the connecting lounge room on the bed, seems to be Mai completely passed out with an exhausted and relaxed Miwa laying on her chest, draped over her. Laying with her hand toward the ground, seemingly too tired to even notice not a few yards away is there a battle of the kitchen happening.
As she drags her gaze back toward Maki and Nobara, Maki’s launching herself across the table with a little too much power.
She laughs under her breath.
They are kids. Just kids.
She turns to let them have their moment, when she hears a shriek again followed by a loud, ‘Maki!’, and a crash. She moves a few more footsteps away before she hears yelling from one Mai Zenin and a screaming match starting between the two twins.
They’re very loud kids, that’s for sure.
But that reminds her of her own childhood, loud in the kitchen, laughter filling the room, and getting into their own trouble.
The ache in her chest, the one she always pushes away, makes her stop and drop her head. Eyes closed and hands shaky, she has to lean against the wall with her shoulder and gather herself, sighing as she does. Her hand immediately goes to follow the length of her medical jacket, toward the pocket that she knows her cigarette pack is resting. Maybe if she just-
“That hand better not be going to find a cigarette box,” A voice interrupts her to the point that she snaps her eyelids open, even though the light makes her dizzy and her vision full of specs. She has that voice imprinted into her brain, echoing her mind like a song she can’t ever get rid of.
“Well, if it isn’t the most beautiful woman to walk this earth,” She says smoothly, a small tilt of a smile at the corners of her lips.
“Don’t think compliments will distract me,” Utahime rolls her eyes. She moves her arms, so they’re not crossed across her chest, and instead reaches out with both of her hands to hold the wandering hand in her own. “You know it’s the middle of the night, right?”
“A pretty woman shouldn’t wander around alone. I mean…you know it’s the middle of the night, right?” Is what she echoes back instead, her voice trying to sound as close to Utahime’s as she can.
The woman scoffs instead of answering, dropping one of her hands away from Shoko’s but intertwining their fingers with the two that were tangled already.
“Children are out of bed,” She whispers into the quiet and dark hallway, eyes not meeting Shoko’s just squinting off into the distance past her shoulder.
“Well, you don’t have to look too far,” She uses her free hand to point with her thumb over her shoulder. “Kitchen.”
“Why would they even be there?” Utahime’s voice doesn’t sound disappointed or irritated, it almost sounds resigned. And Shoko is sure she says something else after that, but she’s too busy watching her pay attention to what she’s actually saying.
Shoko’s freehand goes to rest on Utahime’s waist, tugging her slightly closer as she talks. Her eyes meanwhile roam her figure. For as long as Shoko’s known her, she’s the epitome of grace…usually; when she’s not being angry, competitive, or irritated that is.
But right now, she’s the Utahime that only Shoko gets to usually see. She’s dressed in a robe, but it’s sliding off her shoulder and the tie is loosened probably from her running around. Shoko’s hand wanders up to her waist to her shoulder and lets the falling robe fall off her shoulder just a little more and just like she suspected there’s a black strap to a tank top sleep shirt, she can see enough of the top to see it’s the one lined with lace patterns. If she had to guess, she’s wearing the matching silk shorts which mean’s she’s probably somewhat cold, she thinks she might right since Utahime shivers.
It’d be a little scandalous if Shoko wasn’t smug because she bought her those pajamas. She almost wants to push the robe down more just to prove herself completely right when a hand is swatting at hers.
“What are you doing?”
“Trying to see if you’re wearing the matching shorts.”
Utahime makes a sound somewhere between a hiss and a gasp, but huffs after it. “I am.”
Shoko doesn’t have to look back up to her face to know she’s probably a bit red and it makes her smirk, even in her tired state, “Nice to know.”
“Can you focus even for a second,” The hand swats again, causing her to leave her shoulder and pull the robe back up? It settles on her waist, squeezing it only once before resting there. “Why are they in the kitchen.”
“Hm?” Shoko lets out before she focuses back on the conversation. “Oh. Same reason we probably often wandered in there.”
Shoko’s eyebrow raises as she looks at the other with a grin. Utahime just huffs and turns away thinking that might hide her blush from the taller woman. It doesn’t.
-
Graduating from high school should be a wonder. Except the last few years have drained Shoko. She’s lost a best friend to the wrong side and then she lost another to his own thoughts. It’s been quite a few weeks since graduating and being out of high school, and it still almost doesn’t feel like it.
So much for the best years of your life.
But Utahime, she’s always been a constant.
Even at one in the morning when she’s dragging her down the hall into the kitchen. Shoko’s been antsy, she got to graduate from this stupid school, only to then be basically quarantined for the time being.
She has plans, ya know? She has things she wants to do, but no, due to her abilities, she’s currently on lockdown until they can agree on what she wants.
It’s the biggest pain. Going to school to be a doctor was a great idea, if only she could get there.
But she can forget all of that when Utahime visits because Utahime takes up every facet of her life, her thoughts, her feelings. It’s an overwhelming feeling that pushes every negative moment out and overpowers it with her existence.
Even when she’s tugging her hand back when they end up in the kitchen.
“What are we doing here, Shoko?” She almost sounds disapproving. Almost. “It’s three in the morning, and to be honest, I really liked the idea of sleeping after a day of shopping and going out all night.”
Right, because they had already snuck out. Which was already going to be a pain, what’s a little more chaos to end the night?
“I want cookies.”
“We just ate literally the biggest meal of our lives.”
“That was hours ago!” Shoko’s tugging on her hand again, dragging her closer to the counter. When she gets there Shoko’s lifting herself to sit on it. She doesn’t have to guide Utahime between her legs, she goes there on her own.
“I’m starting to think you’re just trying to see how much trouble you can cause in twenty-four hours.” Utahime doesn’t sound so disapproving anymore, she’s basically flush against Shoko who’s now wrapped her legs around her, holding her there.
Utahime reaches out to fix the hair falling out of Shoko’s pin. Readjusting it so it’s holding all the hair back again. Her bangs are getting so long and heavy they keep falling in her face, sliding out where they used to easily lay to the side. Once she’s done, she trails her fingertips down Shoko’s face all the way down her neck until the hand settles right at the collar bone sticking out from her shirt.
“I might be.”
“You are chaos personified, my love.”
Shoko’s the one red in the face this time, she can feel it, the way it spreads from her cheeks and down her neck, all the way to the tips of her ears. Such a simple moment and it always makes something in her feel happy and noticed, “I like when you say that.”
“I know, that’s why I say it,” Utahime looks smug this time, and it makes Shoko want to kiss the smile off her face. She’s not going to yet, but she could.
“I hope you know I meant the chaos part.”
“You didn’t.”
Shoko’s grabbed both of Utahime’s hands by this and moved them to interlock behind her neck, it makes the very small hairs on the back of her head stand up, but it makes it easier to remain close. Their faces are way too close for two people who claim to be just friends with the outside world.
They’re not, they know they’re not, at least.
“I could have.”
“But you didn’t.”
Shoko nods her head, instead of saying any confirmation. She didn’t. And apparently, that’s all Utahime needed to press a kiss to the corner of Shoko’s mouth. Against her cheek. The side of her nose.
“I don’t want to sleep yet.” She’s whispering it, there’s no one else but them in the room, but Shoko still whispers it.
“That why you suddenly have an interest in cookies?” Utahime’s placed a kiss on the other cheek, feels like torture.
“It might have been an excuse. But they do sound good.”
“Yeah, I know. And they do.”
Utahime’s pulled away this time, she’s got a smile that makes Shoko feel like the world’s ending and her beginning at the same time. A total contradiction of existing and ending. She loves that smile.
Loves her. She thinks.
No. She knows.
“You’re going to leave again tomorrow, huh?” She can always feel it, deep in her bones, when they force the two of them apart again.
“In three days, actually. But yes. Only for a little while.”
Part of Shoko wants to snap, annoyed that she’s got to wait a few more months before being allowed to see the outside again. So valuable of power, only for it to limit the distance she can go. She rarely gets to see the field; she saw it more in school in a week than she has in the last few weeks out of it.
The other part of her just wants to keep Utahime all to herself. Part of her wonders if they will always be like this, so close and yet so far at so many different times of the year.
(They will, they will, they will. But it works for them, better than she could have predicted.)
Utahime sighs, it’s quiet and sad, “Come on, love. Let’s at least move to an actual seat.”
“Ugh, but this one is so fun.”
“I’m sure it is.”
Utahime moves back just a bit, but Shoko almost topples her when she moves to wrap her own arms around her neck, “Carry me?”
She watches as her girlfriend almost says now but then just liked resigned. They barely make it over to the couch in the lounge without absolutely killing themselves or knocking over something. They were laughing too much, and Shoko had been trying to steal kisses almost the entire time. She was unsuccessful, actually.
When they’re on the couch, Shoko is basically laid out on it and Utahime is laying on her. Their legs are tangled but Utahime is holding herself up by her elbows. She’s tracing her fingers over Shoko’s face again like she’s trying to map out something. Pressing harder in some spots and softer in others.
Shoko’s eyes slip closed for a minute. But then remembers her struggle on the way over here.
“I don’t want cookies anymore.”
Utahime laughs and it makes Shoko’s eyes slip open again. Her fingertips have stopped trailing and instead, she’s simply just resting them on her cheeks, tapping one or two every now and then, “Oh?”
“Nope,” Shoko hums it out.
“What can I get for you then?” Utahime’s eyes crinkle with the way she smiles. Shoko makes a note of it. “You seem to want something; I know that voice.”
“I don’t always use it to want something.”
“Yes, you do.”
“Hm,” Shoko hums out her defeat. “You haven’t kissed me tonight.”
“What? I have,” Utahime looks confused, which is fair, Shoko supposes. She wasn’t very direct. Shoko pouts, anyway, making it quite dramatized.
“Haven’t. Not really.”
When Utahime doesn’t get exactly, she moves to use her freehand that wasn’t resting on Utahime’s back, to point at her lips. It’s so ridiculous looking, she knows it, that’s probably the whole reason Utahime’s confused look morphs into a happy and laughing look.
“Ah,” Utahime moves her hands away from her face and has rest ones them a little lower. Cupping one side while the other arm moves so she’s taking the hand that was pointing between her own. “A kiss. Only one?”
“Well, no. But one to start with.” Shoko’s face flares red, she’s feeling a little embarrassed, after everything today, that’s really what she’s blushing over, asking her girlfriend for a kiss.
“I see.”
A pause.
“So…you going to?”
Another pause.
“Utahime?” Shoko looks at her and Utahime has a look that can only be described as soft. Her eyes are looking at her like she’s everything, her smile is soft and subtle, and she’s got the faintest red in her cheeks. Shoko wants to bury herself in this moment.
She almost does when-
“I love you.”
Shoko almost shoots up in her seat, she doesn’t only because of Utahime’s weight reminding her they were laying there together. Her ears feel like they’re ringing, and her arms feel heavy, and her body feels on fire. It feels like dying and living all at once. Like when Utahime smiles but ten times worse.
“W-what?”
Utahime smiles a little wider and her eyes almost feel like they’re sparkling, she’s almost looks knowing. Like she can tell that her brain hasn’t quite caught up, she just nods instead of speaking.
A pause.
A very long pause before Shoko’s brain seems to finally snap back into functioning. Everything in this shitty world, and it gives her Utahime, a constant that hasn’t been ripped from like everything.
Tongue-tied and on fire, Shoko says the one thing she can.
“You make it feel like I can’t breathe and like my lungs are full of oxygen at the same time.” Shoko sits up but brings Utahime in her lap with her, she’s the one that brushes her fingers across Utahime’s cheek this time, brushing hair out of her face. Her hands feel on fire and her face feels like she’s sweating and freezing at the same time. “When you’re in a room, the only thing I can see is you.”
“Shoko-”
“Everything in this world is shitty and awful, and taken from me, but not you. I don’t need a perfect life….I just need you.”
Shoko’s shaking at this point. She couldn’t just say it back, she couldn’t. Utahime had to know, this wasn’t simple for her.
“Geez,” Utahime’s got her eyes looking anywhere but Shoko, and she shakes her hair back to where it was before Shoko moved it, covering her cheeks that seem to have shaded red. Shoko tries to look at every inch of her face. “You just had to outdo me even in this huh?”
“Huh?”
“Just say you love me, stupid.” Utahime’s voice is shaky and low. Shoko dies a little inside at the sound, she uses her hand to tilt Utahime’s head up so she’s looking back at her. She’s smiling like an idiot; she can feel it.
“I love you,” A whisper because she doesn’t think she can be louder. Unexpected, considering her.
Another unexpected thing would be Utahime knocking them back down onto the couch with a shriek that was maybe a little too loud. Shoko laying down with Utahime sitting on top of her, arms pushing her down, looking a little embarrassed but not looking away.
Shoko just keeps smiling, almost laughing under her breath. She can’t stop, until she really is laughing, it’s loud and happy and she knows eventually someone is going to find them and she really doesn’t care.
Utahime tilts her head in confusion, a little shocked at the reaction.
“Kiss me. Just do it already,” Shoko says as she calms down.
And that has Utahime bringing her only smile back, moving Shoko over so she can squeeze between her in the couch, laying with their faces entirely too close. Breathes mix with each others.
-
They did kiss that night. A lot. Shoko remembers that night pretty well, because how could she forget it?
Because just like them in the other room.
They were just kids. Just kids in love.
“Shoko? Did all those late nights and alcohol finally rot your brain?” Utahime’s waving a hand in front of her face. She must have been gone in thoughts a little too long.
“No, sorry, dear.” Shoko brings up their intertwined hands and presses a kiss to her knuckles. “Just thinking.”
“Well, stop thinking and get to bed. No smoke breaks. I’ll just…”
“How about you go with me. To bed.” Shoko interrupts before Utahime can finish her sentence or thought. Tilting her head with a smile. “I’m done with work today, and no one should be coming back tonight. Let’s go lay down.”
Utahime’s mouth is slightly ajar like she’s shocked. Most of this visit had been too busy to spend time together, and they knew that. This night included that’s why Utahime was in her own room, to begin with.
“The kids?”
“Can have fun for one night, I’m sure it’s okay.” Shoko pulls her so she’s basically flush against Utahime and moving to play some disarrayed hair. No bow holding Utahime’s hair together means it’s placed where it wants to be. She moves to press her lips gently to Utahime’s cheek, keeping them there when she speaks. “I love you.”
And that’s all it took to see Utahime relax almost visibly, to see her give in.
“Okay, my love.”
Shoko smiles against her cheek before pressing another kiss on it, but closer to the corner of her mouth, “Let’s go lay down.”
Shoko pretends she doesn’t hear the voices behind her.
-
“Did you see that?! I told you. What did I do? I told you,” Nobara’s voice is a little higher than it should be, and so her mouth is completely clamped over with Maki’s hands. Nobara notes it kind of smells of the icing that they were playing with.
“Yes, yes, you totally called them dating. But you’re so loud you’re going to get us caught, babe.” Maki with her hand still over Nobara’s mouth, tugs them out of the hall and back into the kitchen.
Back to where Mai and Miwa are standing by the table. Mai has a look of indifference and annoyance but she’s holding Miwa’s hand, who looks like she might vibrate right out of existence as she bounces on her feet.
“So?” Mai asks, even Maki can tell she was actually curious, even though she sounded indifferent.
“Nobara was right, it was Shoko that was in the hall.” Maki shrugs.
They had sworn they heard whispering when everything had settled down after Mai had yelled at Maki to shut up because Miwa had fallen asleep. Even though that had actually woken her up even more. So, they went to check but-
“And she was kissing your teacher!” Nobara finally yells as she rips Maki’s hand off her face finally. Excitement clear on her face.
“it was on the cheek.”
“Shut up, Maki. You know that was not a platonic position.”
“Why don’t you make me?”
“Oh gross, I’m leaving,” Mai tugs at Miwa’s hand. “We are actually. If you two are going to start kissing instead of cleaning this place up we’re never going to make it to bed. So, you two can do it on your own.”
“Mai!”
Nobara and Miwa moved next to each other as they watched the twins get into yet, another, bickering fit about something tonight.