Chapter Text
It was infuriating.
Touya had been released to live at home 6 months ago. His parole was strict, there was a constant wave of nurses, therapists, and officers in and out of the Todoroki estate. Any slip up at all would result in an instantaneous return to the criminal asylum that Touya had previously taken residence at for the past 4 years.
After Touya’s arrest, Endeavor had spared no expense getting his son the best team of lawyers his money could buy, he felt he owed it to Touya, and regardless of his crimes… Enji still had a soft spot for his son. It didn't come without public scrutiny, of course, but with Fuyumi’s encouragement, and a masterful narrative spun about Touya’s tragic past... a rather lenient sentence was given.
It was practically a miracle that Touya avoided prison, though he’d never be a free man either.
Even as he was given permission to live at home due to some marked progress by his doctors, the house became his new prison. Touya was not allowed to leave the property and wore a house arrest anklet that tracked his every movement, he wore quirk suppression cuffs 24/7, the cocktail of medications he was fed made him docile, complacent, void.
Shouto would return home for the occasional family dinner, and decided to more often upon Touya’s return to the family. All of them had made an effort to reach out to Touya, to include him… especially Natsuo, who went out of his way to spend time with Touya almost constantly. But any attempt was met with dull turquoise eyes always staring ahead, any verbal response from Touya was short, canned, spoon fed from his conditioning of constant therapy and counseling. And that was what infuriated Shouto the most, they didn't have Touya back, they had a breathing corpse, a soulless body.
What kind of life is that? Shouto would think often, feeling the pang of guilt in his chest when the inevitable trail of thought would lead him to think that Touya would have been better off dying in battle than to live like this. He resented Touya, not only for the crimes he committed, how he hurt their already broken family, but for living as a husk. He hated Touya for that especially. He felt sick thinking about it .
Shouto was always excellent at compartmentalizing uncomfortable emotions, and controlling the way he showed them. He pushes them down, he attempts polite conversation with Touya at dinner, he smiles at his siblings and now divorced parents, he makes small talk with his new step-father Keigo, all while the anger boils deep in his chest, catching Touya’s expressionless face in his periphery; Blank, unchanging, lifeless.
He couldn't even express his frustrations to his boyfriend… Izuku’s obligations as the top pro hero frequently took him away on missions, and it felt petty to complain about anything after all that has happened. He should be happy that his family is becoming whole, is trying to heal, but he’s bitter and angry and it feels as though things are worse with Touya at home then they ever were when they pursued him as the villain “Dabi”.
For the most part, Shouto’s hero work keeps him fairly close to home, so he often fills his empty and lonesome evenings keeping Fuyumi and Natsuo company while they watch over Touya, not that there’s much to watch over. But there is something comforting, that when Touya is put to bed, the three of them exchange knowing looks, the unspoken words that this is not their brother, and this isn't actually what they wanted, hanging heavily in the air around them.
As Shouto finishes up a shift he receives a text from Fuyumi. She alerts him that the normal evening caregiver for Touya had called in sick, Natsuo is busy with clinicals, and Fuyumi is out of town for the evening but can be home before midnight. Touya cannot be left unattended as part of his parole agreement, she hates to ask him, but can he please go to the house. He’s all too familiar with Touya’s routine, the medications he takes… Usually he will take his sleeping pills with his dinner and go to bed shortly after. He agrees. Izuku is still out of town, it's not as though he has anything better to do.
Then it dawns on him.
This would be the first time he and Touya had ever been alone. Ever. Even since childhood, and especially since Touya had returned to the family. A strange emotion flashes through him, he can't quite identify it, but the closest he can compare it to is excitement. No one would be around to buffer or filter what he wanted to say, what he wanted to do .
He arrived shortly after with take-out in hand, soba, his favorite meal, seemed easy enough. Touya is in the courtyard looking straight ahead, though his shoulders tense when he hears Shouto’s footsteps.
“Touya. I picked up dinner, are you hungry?” He does not answer, but gets up from where he was sitting on the deck. Shouto watches as he shuffles to the table and sits in his usual spot. Already, he feels aggravated with Touya, that he couldn't even be bothered to verbally answer, that he just took Shouto’s question as a demand, an order, and followed it with no second thought.
He didn't even ask what they were eating, Shouto scoffs at the gravel on the ground and contemplates piling it into a bowl to see if Touya would eat tha t so unquestionably, so obediently.
He goes to the kitchen and prepares both their plates, and brings them to the table, sitting himself across from his brother. Touya doesn't begin to eat until Shouto does. He can't help but notice that his brother eats the soba noodles plain, ignoring the sauce and green onions completely. Every action...every inaction that Touya makes has his chest feel like it's on fire, like it's boiling over with rage.
“Do you not like the sauce?” he finally asks after watching Touya get through the majority of his meal, dutifully staring ahead in silence. Touya finally looks at him, if you can call it that, perhaps looks in his general direction is a better description.
“Can’t taste it.” He says simply, then sets down his bowl and chopsticks to signify he’s done eating.
“You can't taste it?” He questions, this is the first time they've been alone, he has so much to say, and here he is discussing dinner with Touya, feeling of annoyance with his brother and himself increasing.
“I'm burnt, can't taste most things, I like the texture though” Touya replies. “I'm done, I’ll take my meds now, please” He bows his head slightly. The act of submission grates on Shouto just as much as everything else that Touya says or does.
“You don't get any medication tonight.” Touya looks up at him confused.
“I take 2 sleeping pills--”
“No, you don't take any tonight , you cant even take care of yourself and you're going to ARGUE with me? Should I tell your doctor’s you're acting up? Your parole officer?”
Touya flinches slightly at the harshness in his younger brother’s voice. Shouto feels a smirk tug at his lips, that slight flinch was the first reaction that he’d seen out of Touya in almost half a year. Shouto swears he sees a flash of bright turquoise beneath the white bangs that obscure his brother’s face, he swears that for a split second he saw anger, but it dissipates as quickly as it appears.
“You're right I'm sorry.” is all that Touya replies. “May I be excused?” he asks, anger flashes white-hot in Shouto’s vision the second those words leave his lips. He’s pathetic, he’s disgusting, a full grown man asking his brother if he can leave the table? His fists clench and he craves nothing more than to throw them in Touya's face, hit him, beat him. As disgusted as he feels about Touya, he's beginning to feel even more disgusted with how Touya makes him feel, the thoughts Touya makes him think. Everything is Touya’s Fault, and he’s not even lucid enough to understand that, he’s not even enough of a person to take responsibility for it. All he wants is to be cruel to Touya, as though it would make him feel better.
“No you may not” He finally says. He sees that flash of turquoise again, and hears Touya sigh, there's a shake to it as if he was trying to quell his anger, to control it. He watches him fidget under his gaze.
“We are going to sit here and we are going to talk.” Shouto states.
“What do you want to--”
“You know what I want to talk about. Why do you act like this? So pathetic, so helpless? We both know you’re nothing of the sort, was it to get out of jail? So you could avoid paying for your crimes?”
“I've been making progress--”
“Quiet! You’re making excuses, and maybe Dad and the others can stomach it, watching you wither away, treating you like some fragile child-- but I'm tired of it! I know you , I know what you think about and why, you can't hide from me like you do everyone else.” He pants from the anger that continues to bubble over.
“Everything is your fault Touya! Everything , you deserve to suffer for what you’ve done but you’re so hopped up on those… those fucking drugs you cant even see straight. You deserve to feel this way, not me!” he realizes that he’s yelling, screaming everything he’s wanted to say to his brother for years. Touya’s body is rigid, his breathing seems to be timed and measured, no doubt a breathing exercise he learned in therapy.
“Youre right… Im sorry Shouto” he replies, bowing his head further.
He sees red and suddenly he’s on top of his brother, grabbing him by his shoulders and shaking him violently. Touya’s head flops back and forth from the force that Shouto thrashes him, his rage increasing when he realizes that Touya won’t struggle, won’t fight back.
“What are you just gonna lay there and take it? Just going to let me kill you?” he taunts before shoving Touya into the ground with all his force, hearing the sickening crack of his skull hitting the floor.
Touya’s head falls to the side, he looks straight ahead of him, vacant as always.
“Answer me!” He demands again, panting. He sees Touya’s lips move but doesn’t hear anything, he grabs his brother’s jaw and forces his attention.. “ANSWER ME!” He repeats again, digging his nails into Touya’s scarred cheeks.
“YES! KILL ME!” Touya yells up at him, his chest heaving, brows knit in anger. For the first time in 4 years, Touya has life in his eyes, he has emotions, he has conviction in his voice. His eyes seethe with anger, with hatred, his teeth are bared and he sucks in air through his clenched jaw as though he’d never taken a breath before.
Shouto feels an odd wave of relief wash over him in that moment. Touya was in there he really was, under countless medications, under years of being conditioned and coached by his therapists, under those dead eyes, he was in there. Shouto laughs suddenly, the intense mixture of emotions erupting from his chest through a low rumbling laughter.
“Well what are you waiting for Sho! Kill me, you think I want to live like this!?” he screams again, his eyes wide, shining, and wild. Wild as the flames that would have consumed them both if not dampened by suppressor cuffs. The flames that each remember all too well.
Shouto feels Touya’s hands grasp at the arm holding his jaw and attempts to move him. Over the years Touya had become more frail, while Shouto continued to grow. He was now several inches taller than his older brother, and that coupled with training and pro hero work had made Shouto strong . His body was solid and unmovable on top of Touya, who futilely tried to push him off. Shouto pressed harder putting his full weight into Touya, as if to prove his point, to show his brother that he’s the one in charge.
His brother squirms under him, the pathetic attempt to move him gives Shouto a sick rush of power. There was hardly any excitement in thrashing Touya when he wouldn’t fight back, but now that he seems to have regained some of his spirit, Shouto craves to break it again.
He drinks in Touya, who at last seems to finally be alive. He can't help but think he’s beautiful in a way; fiery eyes, fluffy white hair that was peppered with a few streaks of red, his scars that marred his skin have finally had a chance to heal somewhat over the years, the texture remained but discoloration was minimal, a slight mauve that blended seamlessly with his ivory skin. This was the closest he’d been to Touya since he’d come home, and he felt himself lost in the sensation of his weight pressing into the man beneath him.
Touya suddenly gasped below him, his face flushing red, Shouto realized that his own hips were rocking into him, he was grinding himself into the space between Touya’s spread legs, feeling himself growing aroused.
“What are you…” Touya whispers before he begins to tremble from Shouto’s movements, no longer attempting to push him off. Shouto responded by thrusting harder, with more intention. He felt Touya’s dick harden from the movement as well. Their eyes met, Touya’s wide with confusion, and surprise, Shouto’s half lidded as he reveled in the sensation of moving his body with another body, with Touya’s body.
It had been ages since he’d gotten laid, he was so pent up, the extreme emotions mixed with the closeness of another body, and even deeper thoughts and feelings… things that Shouto desperately pushed to the back of his mind… things he’d hidden from himself for years … were all coming to the surface with each movement of his hips.
Touya’s lips were parted, he shuddered and moaned from the sensations he felt. It seemed that he too hadn’t had any attention in a while. Shouto expected that with the constant supervision, and the medications subduing him, he’d probably hadn’t attended to any physical need for who knows how long, it could have been years judging from how easily he fell apart from some dry humping.
Shouto moved in and closed the space between them, kissing Touya, with passion, with purpose. Touya moaning into his mouth, and pressing his chest into his younger brother’s. The world faded away from Shouto in that moment, all the bitterness he felt towards Touya melted as he moved with him.
Touya is sounding more desperate, more eager, he trembled and twitched with each movement, his hips buck faster against his brother on top of him. Shouto’s hand moves down past the elastic of Touya’s sweat pants and he finds his dick, hard, twitching, and slick with pre cum.
It only takes a few expert strokes of his hand for him to feel Touya’s cock swell and twitch before he spills his cum into his pants. Touya writhes and moans as he comes, he sounds filthy, slutty, and Shouto’s cock twitches in his pants, more turned on then he can ever recall being.
The waves of pleasure rock Touya’s body before he slumps back to the floor, gasping for breath. Shouto moves quickly, straddling his chest and unbuttoning his pants to release his dick all in one movement. He starts to stroke himself and he looks down at Touya, his face fucked out and sweaty from the aftershocks of his orgasm, looking back up at him, his cheeks pink, his lips wet. He looks so beautiful. Shouto barely lasts before he’s coming all over Touya’s face. Think ropes of cum shoot out and fall across white hair and ivory skin. Touya flinches a bit when some shoots onto his eye, but he doesn’t move, he lays still while Shouto rides out his orgasm.
He falls to the side, finally releasing Touya from the confines of his body weight. With speed that shocks Shouto, Touya flips over onto his stomach and lifts himself on trembling limbs before stumble-running away, down the hallway to the wing of the estate where his room was. He hears the familiar sound of a bedroom door sliding open and slamming closed.
It’s only a few beats before it registers to Shouto what he’s done. He clasps a hand over his mouth and feels as though his eyes are bulging out of his skull.
Did I just rape my brother. He feels sick.
No I couldn’t have, he … he never told me to stop.
But… did Touya have the ability to tell someone to stop… maybe Touya thought he really would kill him if he resisted. The sound of Touya’s skull hitting the floor echoes in his mind again. The image of Touya weakly pushing against him.... He feels disgusting.
Time feels as though it stands still while the entire encounter plays on repeat. He somehow had the sense to clean up their mess, he wipes everything up and cleans their dishes.
Shouto is at a complete loss of what to do. He’d spun out of control, he wanted to talk to Touya, to vent his frustrations… not to actually hurt him.
The two sleeping pills still sit on the counter, the ones he refused to give Touya earlier. Filling a glass with water, he grabs the pills and silently walks down the hallway to Touya’s room. The entire wing is dark, and stands outside the door to Touya’s room, straining his ears for any movement, any noise. It’s quiet. He knocks, no response, no noise.
“Touya…?” No response, no noise.
Touya didn’t have the privilege of a lock on his door, and Shouto felt too much guilt to not open it, to not check on him.
He slides it open slightly and peeks in. Light from the courtyard spills into Touya’s room casting it in a pale yellow light. He sees a form shift beneath the comforter. Touya is curled completely under his blankets in a tight ball.
Shouto can’t help but recall himself in a similar position, hiding from his father after harsh training, after being beaten, or yelled at. Anxiety crashes into him and he holds his breath while he steps into the room. It’s sparse. Touya wasn’t allowed many possessions.
“Touya?” He whispers, the blankets shift. “I brought you your medication…. it’ll help you sleep” he tries to make his voice as gentle as possible. The blankets shift again and Touya peaks his face out.
“Shouto…?” he barely breathes, he looks up from the bed, exhausted.
“Touya, I—“ before he can formulate a thought Touya is throwing the blankets off himself and sitting up.
“Shouto I’m sorry!” He yells, cutting the silence of the room like a knife. Taken aback by the sudden movement and sound, stepping back in shock. Touya pulls at his own hair and takes deep shuddering breaths.
“I-I- I’m so sorry, I’m sorry I made you do that” he whimpers out, his hands gravitate to his shirt, clutching at the fabric for dear life.
“I don’t know what I was doing, I didn’t mean to… I’m trying. I’m trying to be better. I’m sorry please, please.” He pleads to Shouto, the dim light catches his eyes and they shine with his unspilled tears.
Shouto moves before he can't process what’s happening. Before he realizes it he’s on the bed with Touya, arms wrapping around his brother as he whines his incoherent apologies. He shushes him; the entire scene felt so familiar, his mother wrapping him in her arms while he sobbed. He echoed her, pulling Touya’s head into his chest and running gentle fingers through his hair, soothing him with kind words.
“It’s okay” Touya clutches him and squeezes him tightly.
“I’m a monster… I don’t mean to… I’ve ruined you like I ruin everything.”
Shouto doesn’t understand, Touya is acting how Shouto feels, saying the things Shouto was mustering the strength to say, as if he was the one holding down Shouto… hurting him… touching him.
“Touya, what are you,,,”
“I don’t know how to make this right, Shouto… I'' he's cut off by the sobs racking his body. Shouto continues to shush him, whispering it’s ok over and over, unsure of what else to say. Touya seems convinced that everything was his fault and considering one of the things Shouto yelled at him was exactly that, he cringes at himself for the cruelty of these words. How Touya’s fragile and impressionable mind could take them literally, as he had seemed to. Shouto holds him like that until his breathing calms down, before he finally speaks.
“Touya, it’s ok. I’m fine. Are you hurt?” Touya shakes his head against his chest and Shouto feels relieved that he didn’t actually injure him in their fight. “I’m… Im sorry about what I did, I shouldn’t have...done that.” He speaks slowly and measuredly, Touya holds him tighter.
“I deserve worse than that.” The reply is simple, it’s genuine, but it makes his heart ache to hear it. An hour ago he’d have agreed with Touya, but now as he held his small, trembling body, he only wanted to protect him, to heal him. Touya shifts in his arms and is looking up at him, eyes bright and shining in the dim light of the room.
“I deserve to be punished… and I want you to be the one who does it.” He declares that conviction in his voice returning again.
Shouto feels his dick twitch to life. The thought of punishing Touya… he’d definitely fantasized about various scenarios, or even just punching him in the face… but until now they weren’t necessarily erotic thoughts…
With Touya’s declaration it’s as if a switch is flipped, all those fantasies instantly reframed. The thought of Touya writhing beneath him in pleasure and pain, crying out his name to stop, to keep going…
Shouto inhales sharply and returns to the present moment. Touya is looking up at him, cheek pressed snuggly into his chest, arms wrapped around him and squeezing his waist. They stay like that, now in silence, the only noise in the room is their breathing.
Touya pulls away eventually, takes his pills. And lays down. Just as Shouto is leaving the room he calls out to him again:
“Shouto… don’t… tell my doctor ok?”
“I won’t” he hears Touya’s sigh of relief and the shuffling of his covers before he closes the door behind him.
There’s a part of him, a sick and twisted part that Shouto tries so desperately to push down, to hide, that revels in the power he has over Touya. Physically, mentally, his very “freedom” rests in Shouto’s hands. He of course had no intention of telling anyone of what happened that night… it would be more damning for him then Touya, despite his brother’s protests that it was all his fault.
Yes, I beat and molested my mentally unstable brother, take him to jail, officer! It would be laughable if it wasn't so fucked up.
He looks at the clock, it’s barely 9pm. He receives a text from Fuyumi, she’s on her way back to town and will be home in an hour, she didn’t want to put Shouto out, to inconvenience him further than their family already has.
An hour passes slowly, Shouto replays everything over and over, Touya’s words, I deserve to be punished and I want you to be the one who does it, echo endlessly. They’re louder and louder in his thoughts that he almost doesn’t hear Fuyumi enter the front door. She comes in, looking weary and a little frazzled.
“I’m home! How did it go?”
“It was fine”
“No issues?”
“None. You know how he is, he stared at the floor until he went to bed” he lies. But Fuyumi looks relieved at the information all the same.
“Thank you so much Shouto, I know you’re busy so I really appreciate you taking time to help.”
“It’s no problem”
The carry on like that for a while, Fuyumi thanking him, and him reminding her it’s not an issue. A thought occurs to him and he figures it’s worth a shot.
“You know, Izuku is out of town for another couple weeks and I have evenings off, I can watch over Touya more often.” Fuyumi looks shocked, doubtful.
“oh Shouto! You don’t have to, you've done enough” she assures him.
“There’s so much of this burden that falls on you though, you deserve a break, plus…” he pauses thinking of his next words carefully “I think it would be good for both of us to spend time together” she looks shocked but her eyes glisten with happy tears. He knew all too well how easily Fuyumi would bend to anything involving family bonding.
“You really are our family hero Sho! That would … it would actually be a huge relief to me to have some time to myself” she smiles kindly at him.
They say their goodbyes and Shouto goes home to the empty house awaiting him. He’ll come back tomorrow, as arranged to watch over Touya again.