Chapter Text
The day found Tommy eating lunch in Clem’s cabin with Ranboo, both of them peacefully enjoying a delicious combination of stale bread and carrots. Tommy grimaced, tapping the corner of one bread slice against the table, watching as it barely even bent. Hopefully, it wouldn’t be this way for much longer.
Ghostbur, upon reappearing randomly one night and scaring the absolute shit out of Tommy, had since joined Clementine’s crew and claimed the title of cook. Tommy said it was because Ghostbur was helpful, unlike some people on his ship. Tubbo and Ranboo said it was because Ghostbur was a kind, delightful person who hated to see everyone have to suffer through Tommy’s poor excuse for cooking.
(He resented that.)
The friendly ghost was off somewhere, in the way that Ghostbur often was, probably floating between dimensions or doing whatever the fuck ghosts do. Tubbo, on the other hand, had been missing for a suspiciously long amount of time.
Tommy set down the bread with a huff. “Where the fuck is he? His food is getting cold.”
Ranboo glanced over at the untouched plate of bread and limp carrots, eyeing it with skepticism. “Uhm… I’m not really sure that’s a concern.”
Tommy sat back in his chair, arms crossed. “I’m giving that idiot one more minute, and then I’m going to go drag his ass up here. It’s family meal time and he’s missing it. This is fuckin’ unacceptable.”
The kid grinned at him. “We have family meal time? Since when?”
Tommy glared. “Shut up, Ran.”
Ranboo just laughed at him.
They sat there, Tommy impatiently tapping his foot at the seconds went by, watching the door to the cabin. It didn’t open.
One minute. No Tubbo. One minute and 23 seconds. No Tubbo. Two minutes, 3 seconds, and 24 milliseconds.
Still no Tubbo.
“Alright, that’s it!” He yelled, pushing his chair back with a screech. “He’s swabbing the deck for the next week!”
Ranboo took a nonchalant bite of carrot. “We don’ ev’n ‘ave a mop.”
“Ran, what did I say about speaking with your mouth full?”
“Whoops-“
Before Tommy could continue this rather hypocritical lecture on having manners, there was a resounding boom, the sound deep and echoing as the ship shook.
The words died on Tommy’s tongue as they stared at each other, wide-eyed.
What the fuck was that?
Tommy reached for the door, gesturing wordlessly for Ranboo to put on his enchanted armor before running out onto the deck. He skidded to a halt at the sight of Tubbo stumbling up out of the hold, coughing and covered in soot, smoke drifting out behind him.
“Wha- what the hell just happened?”
Tubbo stumbled forward, and Tommy ran over to catch the stupid bonding moment avoiding idiot before he fell.
“I think I might’ve blown up the ship, boss man,” Tubbo rasped, between coughs. “Maybe just a little.”
Tommy stared at him, flabbergasted. “You WHAT-“
The cabin door slammed open behind them, Ranboo running out safely covered in his armor. “What’s going-“
The kid caught sight of Tubbo and gasped, rushing over. “Tubbo! Are you okay?”
Tubbo smiled at him, giving Tommy a pat on the arm and pulling away to scrub at the soot covering his face. “Just fine, Boo, a little dirty, but I’m a-okay.”
Tommy waved his hand frantically in his friend’s face. “That’s great and everything, delighted that you’re fine, Big T- but mind going back to the part about you blowing up my ship?”
Ranboo gaped. “You what-“
Tubbo grimaced. “I was trying to install cannons! It was a good idea too, considering how often we get into fights-“
“That’s fuckin’ great, Tubs, but that obviously didn’t work-”
“Well they weren’t meant to explode-”
“You put a hole in my beloved Clementine!”
“I-“
“Wait, there’s a hole in the ship? We’re sinking?!”
Tommy and Tubbo froze, looking at the kid. It was as if they were realizing for the first time that boat plus hole equals boat that no longer floats.
Oh, Tommy thought. That’s not fucking good-
Tubbo came to his senses first. “Abandon ship!” He screamed, running for the railing.
Ranboo and Tommy scrambled after him, all three stopping to look down at the water below.
“Uh… I can’t swim.”
Tubbo gave Ranboo a kindly pat on the head. “Sorry Boo, but it’s every man for himself, now.”
“But-“
Tommy peered down into the cold sea, calculating. He’d sink right down to the bottom with his leg, and there was only one way to fix that. Face set with a grim determination, he reached down and yanked at the straps holding the prosthetic on, carefully setting it down on the ground. He gave it a loving pat. The creation had served him well, after all. He was going to miss it.
Beside him, Ranboo gasped, head whipping around. “Wait, Birdthany is still in the crows nest-“ Before Tommy could stop him, the kid was scrambling toward the main mast, chirping loudly in Ender. He got a screamed “Bitch!” in response.
Tubbo turned solemnly to Tommy, giving him a grave salute. “It’s been an honor, Captain.”
Tommy saluted back, giving a bitter grin in return. “You too, Cabin Boy.”
His hand brushed his hair and he startled at the sensation. Something was missing.
Tommy startled, realizing what it was. His hat! He had left behind his hat-
Tommy spun, letting go of the rail to run toward the cabin to retrieve the prized possession (not that he’d ever admit that, of course).
Shockingly enough, his attempt ended with a face-plant into the deck, having promptly forgotten that he was down a limb. Tommy rolled back over, groaning and clutching at his nose. Tubbo looked on, concerned.
“You good, Tommy?”
“‘M fine,” he squinted up at his best friend through his fingers. “Go Tubbo, save yourself- The Captain goes down with the ship anyways.”
Tubbo gave him a solemn nod, then swung a leg over the railing.
Behind them there was a frustrated scream, followed by a string of squawked curses. “Birthany please- come down!”
Tommy lay on his back, staring up at the sky above him, the sun bright and cheery. Far too nice of weather for the day of his death. Nature just had to be fuckin’ inconsiderate, didn’t she? Unbelievable.
Suddenly, something blocked out the light and Tommy blinked, trying to get his eyes to adjust. Ghostbur peered down at him, arms full of fresh vegetables and baked goods, face scrunched up in confusion.
“Hullo, Tommy. Why are you lying on the floor with your leg off?”
Tommy closed his eyes, letting his head fall back against the wooden boards with a dramatic thump. “We’re all gonna fuckin’ die, bitch.”
Ghostbur glanced around, bewildered. “We are?”
“This is the end. The great Tommy Innit has finally been bested, my time has come. Save yourself, I beg of you.”
“Tommy, all I did was leave to get groceries-“
“The fuckin’ ship is sinking, Wil! Save yourself!”
Ghostbur stared down at him, utterly lost. “But we’re docked? How can you sink a ship when it’s docked?”
There was a splash as Tubbo fell off the railing and into the sea below.
The question went unanswered.