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A loud knock on the door was what woke her up. Rising in a hurry, the Italian took a few moments to remember where she was, the noise outside the dark room making it easier for her to figure it out. People screaming and wheels being pushed from one side to another, Carina thought Seattle was bad but this hospital was so much worse, she felt like she was in a war zone. She hadn't had time to do anything yet besides working. There was so much to be done, so many moms infected, so many children being born while their moms fought for their lives, taking their first breath as someone in the other room took their last. Carina was exhausted, mentally and physically, and she still had a week and a half in the country she once called home. She couldn't wait to leave and a part of her hated it.
A sigh escapes her mouth and, feeling the sweat behind her neck she quickly ties her hair back up, she has to go back out there. Carina grabs her phone and is glad to find out she only has four more hours in her shift. The Italian lets herself appreciate the way she and Maya seemed so happy and at ease on her phone wallpaper. She remembers exactly the day the picture was taken, it was the first day after she moved to Maya's apartment, they were ready for bed and the firefighter started snapping pictures of Carina laid in the queen sized mattress.
"What are you doing?" She asks, smiling as Maya sits on the Italian's legs, still taking pictures.
"Taking pictures of you in your new bed."
Carina lets out a laugh, hiding her face in her arms and hearing another click of Maya's phone.
"It is not the first time I've laid in your bed bambina."
"Yeah but now it's permanent."
Carina smiles at her again, Maya seemed so happy, smiling freely. Carina loved her. She pulls the woman to herself, kissing her passionately.
"Take pictures with me then." She whispers, Maya's lips still so close to hers that it's almost impossible for her not to kiss her again.
"Okay."
The picture in Carina's lockscreen is her favorite from that day, she had gotten tired of Maya's photoshoot and hid her face at the crock of her neck. Maya kept taking pictures while her girlfriend complained and she had such a beautiful smile on her face, blue eyes shining with happiness just because Carina had moved in. The Italian doesn't remember a time when someone was that happy to just be with her. She thinks she fell in love with Maya all over again when she saw the picture. God how she misses her, so much sometimes it feels like she might explode.
Carina thinks her decision to go back and ask for Maya's hand in marriage was the best thing she'd ever done. A month in this country without her was already seeming impossible to go through, the Italian can't imagine how she would be feeling if she had no return date home or if she and Maya had actually called it quits. She hates even thinking about it. Now she can't wait to be back, can't wait to have Maya back in her arms again, kiss her, touch her, feel her. It's honestly what keeps Carina going. It's hard for them to find moments to talk when they are both working so much and ten time zones apart. Carina misses her firefighter like crazy, and she knows she is missed by Maya. It feels good, to have something to go back to, even if there's still some days to go until she can go back. She knows Maya will be waiting.
The brunette decides to text her fiancee - such a fancy word she thinks - before she goes back to the insanity of the hospital she's been working on.
"non vedo l'ora di vederti, ti amo bella."
And with another big and exhausted sigh, Carina puts her mask back on, and goes outside again, being dragged to another sad case after just a few seconds.
After losing another baby and mom, Carina was finally at the end of her shift and after giving a small wave to Gabriella amongst the mess that was the hospital, the Italian, even in her exhausted state, decided walking to the small hotel she had been staying was better than to wait for a taxi. She enjoyed those walks, it gave her time to think about the things she witnessed in this pandemic, the lives she lost, it gave her time to breathe and calm herself down. Carina had never, ever lost a patient before all of this started and having them dying on her now was a daily occurrence, it took a toll on her. She needed those walks.
A fifteen minute walk later and she was in front of the small and cheap hotel. Since she had a return date to the United States, she decided all she needed was a place to crash after her shifts, she opted to not stay with Gabriella because the other woman was dealing directly with covid everyday and she didn't want to risk Carina even more - The doctor also knew Maya was insecure about them and even though she had no reason to be, Carina didn't feel the need to make the blonde feel like this, if she were to live in Italy for months, she'd probably share the small apartment with her friend cause that'd be cheaper but it was just a month. She could handle a month in a hotel.
After a shower and a french toast, Carina is finally laid on the somewhat comfortable hotel bed and while she is tired, she decides to try and facetime Maya for a few minutes before she passes out. It's probably the middle of the night in Seattle but Carina is pretty sure her fiancee is on a shift. It takes Maya three rings to pick up and Carina smiles as soon as tired blue eyes and blonde hair shows up in her phone screen.
"Hi beautiful." Maya's voice sounds like Carina's favorite sound and she can't help but sigh contently.
"Ciao bambina. Did I wake you up?" She asks getting more comfortable on the bed.
"No I was waiting for you to call. You know I can't sleep until I know you're home."
"I'm not home." Carina answers with a small pout.
She hates how needy she sounds, she had never been like that, clingy and desperate to get back to someone but she hates not to be able to go back to Maya at night or waking up at ungodly hours with the blonde getting home and cuddling up to her in their bed. She misses Maya's warmth and her kisses, misses Maya's sweet and gentle way of talking only to her, the way Maya caresses her arms and plays with her hair after a tough shift. She misses home. And to hell with needy, Maya was her fiancee, the woman she knew she wanted to spend the rest of her life with, she was allowed to sound needy.
"I know." Maya smiles a sad smile. "But it's almost time for you to come back."
"Yeah..." Carina answers, her exhaustion catching up to her.
"How many shifts are you still working?" Maya was also laid down, in her bunk bed but she probably wouldn't be sleeping any time soon.
"Two more... Today and tomorrow night." Carina sighs. "Then I'll go down to Catania to spread Andrea's ashes... This sucks."
"I know Car, I'm sorry."
"Doing this alone is just... Vorrei che tu fossi qui." Carina says, her speech slightly slurred as she looks into Maya's loving eyes.
"Me too babe, you know I would be there if I could."
"Oh, you got that?" Carina asks, surprised, with a sleepy smile on her face.
"I told you I'm trying." Maya smiles back and the mood is lifted again.
The sound of an emergency in the station is what takes them out of their bubble. Carina is on the verge of sleep but she doesn't want to let Maya go just yet.
"Do you have to go?" She asks, eyes blinking slowly.
"No, I'm good. I'll stay with you until you fall asleep."
Carina smiles in response, her eyes closing.
"Ti amo" She mumbles after a while, already half asleep.
"I love you too, Car." Maya whispers back, sighing at Carina's now sleeping face.
It takes the captain a while to turn off the call, she's been worried sick about Carina being in one of the most dangerous countries in the world to be right now and watching her sleep peacefully, even if through the phone, takes a little worry off of Maya's shoulder. She's okay. But she also hates the fact that the woman is going to have to do such a hard thing alone, she wishes she could be there for Carina when the italian spreads Andrew's ashes, she knows it can't be easy.
Maya sighs once more when the emergency alarm goes off again, this time she's needed. She looks at Carina for a few more seconds before ending the call and going into captain mode.
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It's almost the end of her shift and Maya still can't stop thinking about Carina all sad and alone spreading her brother's ashes on the beach. She knows she isn't supposed to leave, but she can't help thinking about it. She's gone through a number of ways that she can leave her job for the next week, she needs to be there for Carina, but none of her ideas seem good enough. She knows no matter what she says, her superiors will complain and be sexist about it.
The blonde laughs at herself, if someone were to tell her a year ago that she would be thinking of asking for days off of her dream job only to be with her fiancee, she would've laughed at the person's face. Maya Bishop engaged? Never. But Carina changed her in a way she didn't even know it was possible, and while it was scary at times, Maya wouldn't have it any other way. She loves being in love with the Italian, loves waking up next to her, thinking about their future, she just simply loves Carina.
And because she loves her, she needs to be there. And while she's not very happy with the way she'll do it, she thinks it's the only way for her not to get into her superiors bad side. So when the shift ends, she calls for Vic and Andy and after a few promises, a lot of begging and several minutes of two women disturbing her peace, Maya walks home with a smile on her face for the first time this month.
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Carina finishes her last shift in Paolo Calvino with no deaths that day. She is so happy she almost forgets she has a plane to catch in less than two hours to a town she spent so much of her childhood in. Not having to be in the middle of a chaotic hospital at the epicenter of the pandemic anymore is a relief, but she is pretty sure what she's going to do the next few days will be harder. She wishes she could call Maya now, but she has to finish packing her bags and her girlfriend is not on shift today so she's probably sleeping. She settles for a small text saying she's done at the hospital.
She gets to the hotel and is quick to pack her things and when she finishes, Gabriella is waiting for her outside, to take her to the airport and say goodbye.
"I'm sorry I can't come with you." Her longtime friend says after parking her car. "I really wish I could."
"Va bene Gabri, I will be okay. And in a week I will be home again, it is all going to be fine."
"Casa eh?"
"Lei è la mia casa." Carina shrugs, smiling.
"I know she is." Gabriella smiles, her eyes rolling. "Take care okay? If you need me, I will be here."
They hug once more and in no time Carina is looking for her place inside the airplane. She texts Maya once again, letting her know her plane is about to take off and she'll call when it lands. It confuses her that Maya didn't even get her other massage but she shrugs. The Italian finds her seat and after only twenty minutes, she's already dozing off, tired from her last shift.
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Maya gets to Catania before Carina does and for a moment, she asks herself what the hell she's doing there. Everyone around her is speaking a language she only knows the basics and she has no idea where to wait for her girlfriend. It takes her ten minutes to find someone who can understand what she needs. She's overwhelmed and the fact that Carina isn't there yet makes her even more nervous.
She texts Andy and she texts Vic and both of them tell her to calm down because it's just Carina and she'll love it and deep down Maya knows that but she can't help but be nervous. Because yeah, it's just Carina but it's her Carina and she misses her. Maya can't even feel the exhaustion from her flight because all she can feel is nervousness.
Maya also sees Carina before Carina sees her and wow what a sight for sore eyes she is. Her hair is loose and messy just like Maya loves it, and she's wearing a mask and she looks tired dragging her two suitcases slowly but to Maya she is the most beautiful woman in the world. The firefighter asks herself how did she ever thought Carina would be just a fling, how did she ever think it was possible not to fall in love with the Italian.
She lets Carina walk past her and pulls one of the woman's suitcases to her.
"I'll help you."
"Uh- scusate, non ho chiesto aiuto." The Italian's voice is sharp and cold but as soon as she turns around to see who is trying to get her suitcase a gasp comes out of her lips. "Maya?"
"Hi." Maya's mouth might have been covered by her mask but it was obvious she was smiling, so big it showed in her eyes.
"What- Bambina what are you doing here? How?" Carina is surprised but she can't help but smile.
"I couldn't let you spread Andrea's ashes alone, Car..." Maya got closer to the Italian. "As to how... that's a longer story. But I guess we'll have time for it later. Have you been tested?"
"Yeah, before I got into the plane." Carina's smile, just like Maya's, couldn't be seen due to the mask but the blonde knew she was smiling.
"Good me too, let's get out of here because I don't think I can hold my need to kiss you anymore."
The Italian laughs when Maya grabs one of her suitcases and starts to make her way out. They get a cab for the hotel close to the beach Carina had already paid for, their hands attached to one another as if they would disappear if their hands weren't clenched to each other. Carina lays her head down on Maya's shoulder and there it was - her home, Maya Bishop.
"I missed you so much." The blonde whispers.
"Me too." The doctor responds, eyes closed as she enjoys the feeling of her fiancee against her after weeks apart. Yeah, she wouldn't have lasted in Italy if her and Maya had given up, if she had given up.
When they get to the hotel, Carina almost forgets to even let Maya throw her things on the floor before gluing her lips to the blonde's. Maya sighs and smirks, hands curling into brunette hair. The door is closed and Maya is pushed against it and she can't help but moan when Carina bites her lower lip. They kiss and their tongues fight for dominance, the Italian's hands going up and down her fiancee's body while Maya is satisfied with just scratching Carina's neck. The air is ending but none of them wants to distance themselves, Carina ends up doing it after a few more seconds, only to be met with dark blue eyes.
"I can't believe you're here."
"Well I am, do you want me to prove it to you?"
"I think-" Carina pulls Maya with her, guiding both of them to the bed in the middle of the room. "I think I want to prove you." She whispers into the blonde's ear, smirking when she shivers.
"You mean taste me?"
"You know what I mean." Carina answers, voice raspy. She pushes Maya to lay in bed and kisses her vehemently. Clothes are thrown out around the room and it takes them minutes to get naked, only Carina still in her underwear.
Carina takes her time wandering Maya's body. She always does that, she loves that body and she knows it entirely already, every freckle, every burnt scar, every weak spot, but it still feels exhilarating to roam through it every time, Maya's moans and heavy breathing leaving her even more heated, so she takes her time, scratching where she knows Maya likes to be scratched and sucking where she knows Maya likes to be sucked, kissing every part of it in the process.
The blonde is already soaking wet when Carina finally pays attention to her center, it takes the Italian one finger into her girlfriend's bundle of nerves for Maya to moan loudly, her hands grabbing Carina's hair. She kisses Maya's lips messily while her thumb works and the blonde's noises are intoxicating and thrilling. Carina missed those sounds more than she thought she did.
"Carina please." It comes out as a whisper.
"Cosa vuoi mio amore?"
Maya grunts in response and Carina smiles, she knows how much the blonde loves her native language and it just makes her even weaker below the Italian.
"Touch me." her voice is shaky.
"Of course love." She kisses her once more before going down.
She lets her tongue tease Maya's entrance for a few seconds but the blonde is already at her limit and Carina feels bad. Her tongue penetrates Maya's center and even though that's another place Carina already knows like the back of her hand, it fills her up with excitement to explore it again. Maya is moaning and pulling her hair and that's enough to leave the Italian at the edge. It doesn't take long for the firefighter to cum into her mouth and Carina makes sure to lick every single drop, Maya tastes so good and it tastes like home. After a while, she gets back into her fiancee's mouth and kisses her again, letting Maya taste herself in Carina's mouth.
"You, Carina Deluca, are incredible."
"Oh I know."
Carina lays herself down above Maya, feeling her heartbeat and caressing her naked body. They are silent and the Italian can't stop smiling, still shocked by the surprise. Maya is there, actually there, in Italy with her.
"How did you come?" She asks, after a while.
"Got some sick days." Maya answers, fingers tangled into dark hair. "-And then begged Vic to call her ex so he would lend me his private jet."
"You came here with Avery's jet?" Carina looks into Maya's eyes, even more surprised now.
"Yeah, it wasn't hard actually, turns out he really likes you." Maya rolls her eyes and Carina smiles once more. "Can't really blame him. You're quite likeable." The blonde pecks her lips. "I'll probably have to do Vic's tasks for a few weeks but it's worth it."
"Thank you." Carina says, a serious tone in her words. She knows Maya doesn't like skipping work, but she's glad the firefighter is there, it would make things easier.
Maya only smiles, her lips catching the brunette's one more time, kissing her slowly and passionately. God how she missed that.
The firefighter makes sure to return Carina the pleasure she just had, biting her way down her center and making her cuss in Italian. They both fall asleep a while after, Carina still tired from the shift in the morning and Maya completely jetlagged, and it's the best sleep both of them had gotten this month, comfortable enough to spend the whole afternoon fully passed out in each other's arms, in each other's home.
They wake up and it's already dark out, none of them feel like saddening the mood today so they decide to do nothing, spending two more hours in bed, just feeling each other before Carina decides that Maya has to taste the food at her favorite restaurant in Catania and Maya only lets herself be pulled out of the room, she lets Carina show her the places she practically grew up in with a smile on her face, and even at night, Catania looks beautiful, it looks bright, just like Carina.
The next day Carina wakes up first, and after remembering that the hands wrapped around her waist and the soft sleepy mumbles are actually Maya's and not just some trick her mind is playing her, she smiles and sighs. Having the blonde there for what she's going to be doing today is so important to her and she appreciates Maya so much for coming so far away for her. Carina never had someone be this thoughtful to her and it still amazes her every time Maya goes out of her way to make the Italian feel better. Of course, she would do the same for the firefighter in a heartbeat but it's still weird to her that someone cares this much about her.
A tightening on Maya's grip lets Carina know the other woman is awake.
"Buongiorno mio amore." The Italian whispers, turning around in time to see Maya's blue eyes opening and a sleepy smile spread across her face.
"Hi beautiful."
Carina gets closer, gluing her lips to Maya's in a messy and slow kiss. Maya moans into her mouth and the Italian can't help but smirk.
They spend some time exchanging caresses between them, Maya's face nuzzled into Carina's neck, kissing the naked skin and smiling every time it gave her fiancee goosebumps.
Breakfast is eaten only hours later and after stalling as much as she could, Carina decides it's time to head to the beach. Maya carries her brother's urn - because they feel too heavy in her hands - while they walk, the Italian pointing to some places on the way where she remembers playing with Andrew when they were kids. When they stop, they are at a beach surrounded by rocks, Carina sighs by her side.
"I'll be right here." Maya says, giving Carina the urn. She knows her girlfriend needs some time by herself to do this, she'll be there when Carina needs her.
It's hard to contain her tears when so many happy memories from her childhood with Andrea were at this beach, Carina remembers sitting with him in the rocks, throwing small ones into the ocean as they pretended their lives were normal and easy. She misses him so much. The Italian sits, wrapping the urn tightly into her arms.
"I miss you a lot, you know Andrea, I wish you were here, things would be easier if you were. Remember when you said I should let you know when I had a relationship longer than three months? Well, I'm getting married next month… I know I said I would never do that and honestly it's still a little weird that I'm doing it but Maya… You've seen her right? I love her so much and I would do anything for her and she wants marriage, so we're doing it. I guess now I understand what you used to say about love." She smiles, looking into the ocean with tears strolling down her cheeks. "I'm sorry I couldn't protect you, I really tried my best, I shouldn't have listened to you that day, I should have stayed… I'm sorry I didn't. I know it wasn't my fault, Maya made me believe that, but you were my little brother, sometimes it's hard not to think about what I could have done. But I know you are in a good place, heaven being real or not, I'm sure you are in the best place there is. And I'll be okay, I'm not alone like I thought I would be. I have Maya now, she's family. So uh- I'm not the best with goodbyes but I guess this is one. I love you my stupid little brother."
Carina turns her head around, smiling weekly when she sees Maya a few meters away, looking back at her. Carina calls her out with her head and the blonde is quick to come to her, sitting by her side and encircling the brunette with one of her arms. They don't speak while Carina opens the urn and lets the ashes fall away into the ocean. It hurts, it feels like a final goodbye, it makes it all too real once again, but Maya's hand caressing her arm makes it a little better, it gives her strength, and once again she's filled with gratification for the blonde being there for her.
When it's done she cries and cries and Maya is there, hugging her tightly, murmuring words of comfort into her ears, soothing her pain as much as she can. They spend hours in there, Carina tells the blonde stories about Andrew and her mother and even her father on his good days and Maya only smiles and laughs, arms never loosening their grip on her girlfriend's waist. When it starts to get cold, and Carina is already feeling better, they walk through the beach holding hands, they ask for real Italian pizza for dinner inside their hotel room and Carina is smiling again at Maya's compliments on the food.
Carina falls asleep mid movie and Maya is left wondering what is going on at the TV since her girlfriend was the one translating it to her. She doesn't mind tho. Not when Carina is clutching her shirt, one of her legs is draped over Maya's and soft snores can be heard coming out of the Italian. Carina is okay and that's all that matters, Carina is okay and she is sleeping in her arms. Maya smiles, she hopes tomorrow will be a good day.
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Carina wakes up the next day and the bed is cold, she frowns even before her eyes open, Maya is a morning person but she usually wakes up after the Italian.
"Bambina?"
"Outside."
She hears and it's only now that she realizes their hotel room has a balcony - don't judge her she had been busy the last two days. Carina walks outside and Maya is there, watching the ocean from afar, a cup of coffee in hand and another at the table, waiting for the Italian.
"Good morning bella." She hugs Maya from behind and the blonde leans into her, kissing her cheek.
"I have something for you." Is Maya's response. The firefighter turns around, looking straight into brown eyes.
"Yeah?"
"Uhm. Sit here, I'll be right back."
Carina sits in one of the chairs as she watches Maya go inside, she hears a few cursing words while she drinks her coffee - that Maya absolutely did not make it herself because it actually tasted like Italian coffee - and smiles.
It takes Maya a while but eventually she shows up, hand behind her back and a nervous smile on her face.
"So…"
"So?"
"I bought us engagement rings."
"Maya you didn't-"
"No wait, listen." Maya kneels in front of Carina, a small box in her hands. "I know what you think about marriage ok? and I know that you think that I only suggested that in the first place because of your Visa and maybe I did." Carina just looks at her, waiting for her to continue. "I mean not just because of it but yeah I didn't wanna lose you and I knew marriage would fix it. But Car, I have never felt this way with anybody else, I know you're it for me. I knew it before you told me you'd have to come back here. Wanting to marry you wasn't rushed, asking you to may have been but wanting? I've wanted for so long." Carina smiles and Maya smiles back, taking a breath before she continues. "And like I said I know what you think about marriage and I understand, I do. But Carina we're not our fathers, we're not our parents... Some days I wake up and I'm so so scared I'll become mine, all angry at everything and controlling." Carina opens her mouth to speak but Maya raises her hand. "Let me finish... But Andy said once that if I'm scared of it that's the whole reason I won't be like him and she's right you know? So here's the thing I know it's not what you wanted and I even asked myself a few times if you dont regret asking."
"I don't." Carina interrupts and Maya smiles, somewhat relieved.
"- But I promise this is gonna be entirely different from what you grew up with, from what I grew up with. It's gonna be us, it's gonna be ours. I want us to be each other's safe place. I want you to come home to me after a shift and think wow that's my wife and I feel safe here. Because I know that's what I'll be thinking when I come home, I already do. I want you to have my last name or I have yours because fuck what that meant years ago, right now it only means that we are each other's, because we want to be. And I want to be yours, in every way possible. Not because you own me or anything like that, but you do own my heart, entirely. So… Carina Deluca, will you marry me not just because of your Visa, but because we really love each other and because we will make this the best thing we ever did?"
Carina is smiling so big her cheeks hurt, she simply nods.
"Yes."
Maya smiles back, relieved. She knew Carina would say yes, they were already going to get married either way, but hearing her say it, it felt good. Maya puts one of the rings in Carina's finger and lets the Italian do the same to her. The doctor pulls her in for a kiss and it feels exhilarating just like every single one of their other kisses.
"You, Maya Bishop, are something else."
"I wanted you to have another good memory of this place."
"Thank you bella, for everything. I love you."
"I love you too, Car."
They hug and Carina has never felt so safe, so at home as she does right now. She knows, at that very moment, nothing could break them apart, they were family, they were forever. Maya would cross oceans to be with Carina, and Carina would do the same if she had to. Carina would do anything for Maya. Anything.
"Also we're having a small wedding at the station." Maya says.
And maybe Carina spoke too soon about doing anything for her.
(They would end up having a small wedding at the station.)
La fine.