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“We find the defendant, Rafael Barba... innocent”
Rafael’s soul came back to his body after hearing those words, a sense of relief made him feel like was not going to faint anymore. He hugged Olivia and then walked out of the courtroom sure he didn’t want to be there in a while.
He thought about it during the entire process, he was sure he was going to do it, but he couldn’t find the words to explain it to three of the most important people in his life: his mother, Olivia and especially Sonny.
He arrived at his place after spending the last couple hours packing his entire office. He was furious when McCoy tried to make him stay, as if he wasn’t the one who turned his back at him without hearing what he had to say. He said goodbye to Carmen, not before thanking her for everything she had done over the past 6 years for him. He walked away.
He told Sonny he could come over at his place for dinner, he wasn’t feeling in the mood, but he told him not to be at the trial because it would’ve been too hard for him and told him he needed space afterwards so dinner was fine. He also wanted to spend the night with him, the last one.
“Sonny, I have to tell you something, and it’s... important,” he said, trying to be as strong as he could.
“What’s wrong, my love?”
They were both lying in bed, just enjoying each other’s company, Sonny comforting Rafael, while he was trying to find the right words to say. His things were already packed but hidden behind his closet doors, Sonny had no clue, and it was going to be hard to say it.
“Sonny I have to go”
“To the bathroom? Rafael you don’t have to ask, you know?” He said playfully but Rafael didn’t think it was funny.
“Dominick. This is serious. I have to go, I can’t stay, not after all that happened. I need space, I need to think about what I’m going to do now, I just ruined my entire career, I let everyone down, I-“ he couldn’t contain his tears anymore, Sonny wrapped his arms around him to comfort him.
“Shhh... it’s ok, it’s ok baby, I know it’s hard, I know it’s hard. I- I can go with you, whenever you want, we can buy tickets, you can stay with me, you-“
“Sonny I have a ticket, I’m going to Miami, I leave tomorrow”
Sonny looked at him surprised, Rafael leaving was a hard thing to process, but Rafael leaving in less than 24 hours was even worse. He knew how hard this trial was on him, he wasn’t judging on his actions, he was more worried about his well-being than any other matter. Sonny also knew he was one of the three most important people in his life, Rafael told him himself, and without his mother's support, he only had him and Liv for him.
In less than 5 seconds at least 20 different scenarios crossed his mind. Rafael could leave and never come back again, he could find someone else, he could move on without Sonny and he was not sure he liked those ideas. But he couldn’t be selfish, not now, he knew he was suffering, his pride was on the line, and it was also painful for him to see his loved one being miserable.
“So you leave tomorrow, just leave the night” he said, opening his arms for Rafael to hug him again. The other man placed his head against his chest and sobbed quietly. “I promise I’ll make things right, if you want I’ll make you breakfast the way you like, before you leave tomorrow, just please... just let me try” he hugged him as he said all those words almost in a whisper. Rafael was tough, full of pride, but right now, he was like a little kid, afraid and unsure of the future. He was not going to act like an idiot and add one more problem now, even if that meant he had to let go the love of his life. “Before you leave tomorrow, before you say goodbye”
Rafael could feel Sonny trying hard not to cry, he knew he was trying to be strong for him, but he couldn’t stop feeling guilty because he knew he was the cause of his suffering.
“Sonny please forgive me, forgive me for all the pain I caused you” he said holding back more tears, “forgive me for all the pain I’ll cause you even if I’m gone, just- just please act like you love me so I can go on”
“Shh... Rafael I will never stop loving you”
“Sonny I can’t say goodbye”
“When does your flight leave?”
“7:00am. I have to be at the airport at 6:00am”
“Oh... that’s early, Rafael I can’t watch you leave”
“I understand, just promise me you’ll sneak out when I’m asleep” he asked, “I don’t want to fall asleep without you”
“I will, but Rafael I have to say... it’ll be hard for me, and I’ll wait, I’ll wait for you to come back if you ever decide to do so, and when you go... and you are miles out too far, I’ll wake up every day, I’ll wake up wishing everything was just a dream. Just stay here and lay here right in my arms... just for tonight, let me have this moment with you, one more time.”
“I’m sorry I can’t, I have to do this, for me, for my future, for you, I don’t want to hold you back, I don’t want you to suffer because of me, one day, when I’m better I’ll come back, and we’ll be happy as we always wanted... for now, I have to go”
“I know that, but it’s only a moment before you are gone, Rafael” Sonny was crying now, Rafael took his face into his hand, wiped off his tears and kissed him softly.
“And I’m keeping you warm while this last,” Sonny pressed their foreheads together, “but please, just act like you love me so I can go on”
This wasn’t a goodbye, even if it felt like one, it was a see you later.