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“Stay away from my family!”
Eddie’s voice echoed in his head. Circling like an insect, going around and around until Buck’s ears were ringing.
Buck didn’t know what to do with himself. It felt like his whole body was a live wire. He didn’t drive straight back to his apartment after leaving Eddie’s. He did the one thing that he promised himself he wouldn’t do again, revert back to Buck 1.0.
He hit up a club, even though his clothes were not up to par for a club in LA, he was let in because he had a great body and a pretty face.
He got drunk, like black out drunk because he couldn’t handle the fact that he lost the one thing he couldn’t bear to lose. It helped that a lot of people kept buying him drinks. He may have paid for his first but after that, a sea of people, both women and men kept paying for the rest. That was fine with Buck who was trying to drown his sorrow.
Then, he had no strings attached, one night stand with two girls. A male would have joined too but even blacked out drunk he couldn’t be with a man knowing that was what lost him Christopher and Eddie. So he slept with the two women, more than once, throughout the night and passed out with no concern for his shift the next day.
When he got up, he felt worse than yesterday. Not only did he feel like crap from all of the shit he did last night but the feelings that he was running away from came back full force. He felt sick. He raced to the bathroom. After he threw his guts up he left the hotel he was in, not even saying goodbye to the girls he left behind.
It’s not like he knew them anyway. He couldn’t even remember asking them for their names. They were just someone to chase away the hurt and heartache he was feeling. It worked for a whole two seconds before reality came crashing back ten fold.
He didn’t really know where he was when he paused outside the hotel entrance but thank god he had his cell phone. It had enough juice left to call an Uber and to get him home. It was late morning, he had a shift in an hour.
Buck called in sick. There was no way he could work today, both mentally and physically. His mind was scattered, not to mention Eddie would be on shift today too. Buck just couldn’t handle that, not yet at least. He felt like he had been pinned under the truck again, minus the crashed leg.
“You’re exhausting!”
He just couldn’t do it. He was so tired. He just wanted to sleep and never wake up. Buck had been depressed before but this was worse. He actually felt like he was dying slowly on the inside. Earlier, he felt like a live wire, now he just felt burnt out. There was nothing else.
Buck wiped a stray tear away.
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“Is Buck not coming in?” Asked Chim as he looked around. “That’s not like him.”
“He called in sick, last minute.” Bobby replied. “I have someone coming in to cover.”
“That’s weird.” Chim stated. “Buck never calls in sick, even when he is sick! He never misses a chance to work.”
“Well, maybe it’s bad.” Hen commented. “Buck’s had a rough year. It’s good that he ‘s recognizing his limits, right?”
“I guess.” Chim shrugged. “Still weird. Did he tell you anything Eddie?”
Eddie was silent and staring into space, not at all listening to the conversation.
“Hello???” Chim waved a hand to get Eddie’s attention. “Earth to Eddie?”
“Uh?” Eddie jerked as he just realized that he was spacing and someone was trying to talk to him. “Um? What?”
“Buck called in sick.” Chim recapped. “Do you know why? Did he tell you anything?”
“Uh, no, no.” Eddie rubbed his arms not making eye contact with the team. Of course he knew why Buck didn’t come to work. He was probably sulking at his apartment from what happened last night.
Eddie felt guilty about that. He knows that what he’s doing is best for Chris but he still felt bad on how it happened. After Buck left, he scolded Ana for doing what she did. She didn’t have a right to bring the topic up, especially without him there.
God, Buck looked devastated. He rubbed his face trying to get Buck’s hurt expression out of his head. This wasn’t how he planned things to go, but Ana had to butt in. He was mad at her for doing that. He had to put some ground rules with her in their future talks. She just couldn’t do that. He knows that she was just trying to do best by Chris but she totally blinded the both of them.
That wasn’t acceptable.
“With that expression, I think you do.” Hen pointed out. “You look distraught and distracted. What’s going on?”
“It’s nothing, I’m fine.” Eddie gave them a quick smile. It was none of their business about what happened last night.
“How did the date go last night?” She asked. “I’m sure Buck had a great time hanging with Chris. He loves that kid.”
“Yeah,” Eddie coughed. “Yeah, they had fun and the date was great. We’re planning a family outing next time. We want to get Chris some bonding time with Ana. We were thinking about the zoo or aquarium?”
“Are you sure that’s wise?” Hen narrowed her eyes suspiciously. “You just started officially dating a few months ago. It might be a little too quick to go straight to family outings. Maybe ask Chris if he’s okay with that first before making plans.”
“I think it’s fine.” Eddie stated. “He’s met Ana already and we have hung out with each other before at the house. I’m just taking that outside into the world.”
“It’s still a big step Eddie.” Bobby spoke, looking at the other man. “Take it from someone who already went through this. Athena’s kids were wary of me for a while and they’re older than Chris. I can’t imagine how he might feel about everything.”
“I’ll take that into consideration.” Eddie gave in with a little sigh.
Was he moving too fast? He didn’t feel like it and Ana was completely on board with this as well. He really didn't have a problem with it. Chris seemed okay too as far as Ana was concerned but he still treated her like she was still his teacher; polite but didn’t want to be involved with her unless he had to.
Maybe they were right in about moving too fast. Eddie just didn’t know what else to do to get Chris to be more involved with Ana.
“And how is Buck taking you spending more time with Ana and wanting this outing?” Chim asked, causing the others to look at him sharply.
Eddie narrowed his eyes confused and a little irritated in anything that regards Buck right now.
“Buck has no say on how I spend my time.” Eddie said calmly, at least he was trying to be calm.
“Are you-?”
Whatever Chim was going to ask got interrupted by the bell. The conversation paused for right now, but probably not forgotten if the looks had anything to go by.
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Maddie didn’t know what was happening. Today was her day off and she was trying to get some cleaning done before Chim got home when there was a knock at her door.
She narrowed her eyes confused because she wasn’t expecting anyone to come over and no one had called or texted her either. Wary, she moved over to her front door grabbing a baseball bat just in case.
When she peaked through the peephole, she didn’t know what was worse; a stranger at her door or the actual people that were there.
The knocking came again as she placed the bat down and took a deep breath.
“Mom! Dad!” Maddie exclaimed with fake enthusiasm. She didn’t know why they were here but it couldn’t be good. “What are you two doing here?!”
“We were in the neighborhood and wanted to see our beloved daughter!” Margaret explained.
“In the neighborhood?” Maddie asked in disbelief. “You guys live across the country. How are you guys in the neighborhood?”
“Oh don’t be like that Maddie.” Phillip said. “It’s not our fault you moved here. Also we had a friend invite us to a wedding this week and it just happened to be close by. The wedding’s not until the end of the week, so we had time to stop by.”
“You thought you might just stop by?” Maddie tilted her head. “Did you even know I would be home? How did you know that this was my day off? Or were you going to keep stopping by until I answered the door?”
“Oh, we called your work.” Her mom stated as they made their way in. Maddie could only stare at them in confusion and disbelief at seeing them and hearing the nonsense they were spewing. “They told us you weren’t in today, so we took a shot and figured you would be home. We were right.”
“Okay,” Maddie responded slowly. She didn’t know what else to say as she slowly closed her front door.
“I see you’re still a messy child.” Margaret commented at the state of the house.
“I’m sorry, but I have a full time job and I wasn't expecting anyone to come over. I’m currently cleaning, so excuse me for a little mess.” Maddie really wanted her parents out of her home, but they were her parents. She couldn’t do anything at the moment.
“I see.” Her father sat on the couch. “You’re also living with someone. I see pictures of him and I can see some things that are clearly not yours.”
“Yes, I have a boyfriend and he does live here with me.” Maddie calmed stated as she sat down with them. “He’s at work right now.”
“Oh, Maddie you never told us that. When does he get off work?” Margaret asked. “Maybe we could meet him?”
“He’s working a 12 hour shift right now.” Maddie answered. “He’s a firefighter. I didn’t tell you because we haven’t really spoken in months Mom.”
“I know honey, but you still should’ve told us.” Margaret scolded like she was a child.
“Maybe, but we haven’t really spoken in a long time and the last time didn’t go over well, did it?” Maddie reminded them.
“That’s in the past dear.” Margaret tried to wave it away.
“Not exactly. Buck deserves to know.” Maddie told them, causing them to tense.
“You haven’t told him, have you?” Asked Phillip, worryingly.
“No, but I should.” Maddie huffed. “If you guys can’t tell him then we have nothing else to talk about.”
“Don’t be like that dear. It’s for the best. He doesn’t need to know what happened.” Margaret said defensively while Phillip nodded.
“You guys don’t get it!” Maddie yelled. “You don’t see him all the time and know that you have this horrible secret that you keep from him, that could potentially destroy him if it got out the wrong way!”
“Where is this coming from?” Phillip asked. “You never had a problem before, keeping it a secret.”
“I’ve always had a problem with it but I promised that I wouldn’t tell so I didn’t.” Maddie told them. “I’m finally moving on with my life and I’m finally in a really good place with my friends and family that I’ve created here. This thing, this secret, is weighing me down and I don’t want to do it anymore.”
“Maddie Buckley, you will not tell Evan what happened!” Margaret yelled at her.
“Why not? Why is it so bad for him to know?!” Maddie got up screaming.
“Can you imagine what your brother would think?” Phillip asked. “Evan is immature and reckless. If he finds out, he might do something stupid.”
“If you just told him from the start then he might not do anything reckless. The longer we hide this from him, the harder it’s going to be.” Maddie pointed out.
“He’s not to know and that's the end of the discussion young lady.” Phillip put an end to it, causing Maddie to huff in frustration.
“Fine, but I’m not going to hide this from him anymore.” Maddie told them, staring them dead in the eye to make sure they knew that she was serious.
“You will do no such thing!” Margaret screeched. “He would hate us, and he might hate you!”
“Hate me?” Maddie whispered as she looked down.
“Yes, he could hate us all and could cut ties with us completely.” Her mom pointed out.
“That’s true.” Maddie continued to whisper. “And I would hate that so much and I’m terrified that you might be right.”
Her parents relaxed thinking that they got through to her.
“However,” Maddie looked up with determination in her eyes. “I’m willing to take the risk.”
“Maddie,” Margaret sighed and shook her head. “You know you can’t tell him. It would be horrible and besides, what’s the point in telling him? Just to make you feel better and make him feel bad.”
“I…” Maddie paused.
She hadn’t thought about that.
Was she just doing this to make herself feel better? Maddie knew that Buck deserved to know what really happened. Why their parents were the way they were, but was that a good enough reason to spill their secret so late in Buck’s life. Would it do more harm than good at this point to tell him? Was she just telling him to make herself feel better?
Seeing Maddie hesitate, her parents bounced on her.
“It is for the best Maddie.” Phillip continued. “There’s no reason to bring it up now, so late in Buck’s life. He honestly doesn’t need to know. What good would him knowing do? He would just hate us and feel bad about himself. It really is for the best for him not to know. It would only cause more harm than good, Maddie. You’re just trying to make yourself feel better.”
It felt like her parents were reading her mind, or maybe because it was true. She only wanted to tell to make herself feel better.
“Okay,” Maddie relented. “I won’t tell him.”
Her parents sighed in relief.
“Thank you Maddie.” Her father stated.
“It’s for the best.” Her mother said.
“Right.” Maddie whispered back. “It’s for the best.”
So why did it feel so wrong?
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Chim frowned as he reread the text he got from Maddie.
“Is everything okay?” Hen asked, concerned. They were sitting in the truck coming back from their last call. It was an easy call. A kid climbed a tree to prove to his friends that he could do it and then got stuck up there.
“Maddie just texted me saying that her parents are here and they want to have dinner at our place to meet me.” He answered bewildered that Maddie’s parents just showed up out of the blue.
“Wait, Maddie’s parents, so Buck’s parents?”
“The one and the same.” Chim said distractingly as he texted Maddie back.
“And they’re here?” Hen continued to question.
“Yup, just showed up out of nowhere. No call or text.” Chimney reread the text again.
“Isn’t that a little weird?” Hen asked. “That they just showed up without even talking to anyone first.”
“Maddie has told me that their relationship has been strained for a while.” Chimney commented. “And that it’s worse with Buck. Apparently, Buck hasn’t spoken to them for quite some time.”
“I would say so, since they never came to any of the times Buck’s been in the hospital.” Hen stated. “What about you Eddie? Has Buck said anything to you about his parents?”
“Uh, no, not really.” Eddie told them, trying to think back to past conversations. “He just told me that he really doesn’t speak to them anymore. That they had a falling out. Buck didn’t want to go into any details.”
“Sounds to me that this is going to be a tense dinner.” Hen spoke to Chimney. “Good luck man.”
“Yeah,” Chimney sighed. “You’re telling me. It’s going to be a long night.”
“Bring wine!” Cap called back to them. “That always helps with parents.”
“Going to probably need something stronger than wine.” Chimney mumbled to himself. He was more than a little worried about how dinner was going to go tonight. It was bad enough that he was going to ‘meet the parents’, but parents who neither Maddie or Buck particularly like. Buck down right doesn’t talk about them and Maddie just says that they’re good people but just bad parents.
Chimney doesn’t know how that works, but he’ll take Maddie’s word for it. In his book, if you’re a bad parent then you’re probably not a good person either.
Well, regardless of what Maddie says, he’s going to be getting an intimate look at who these people really are.
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Buck was asleep when he got the text from Maddie that their parents are here and they wanted to have dinner with him and to meet Chim. Buck felt his heart drop to his stomach for gods how many times already. His parents being here was just the cherry on top and Buck would rather put his leg back under the fire truck than have to deal with his parents.
Luckily, he had the perfect excuse not to go.
‘I’m sry. Can’t go. Sick.’ Typed it short and sweet before sending it off and turning over. He fullyy intended to go back to sleep and forget the real world.
A bing had Buck turning back over to look at his phone.
‘Liar. You just don’t want to be here. I don’t blame you but what about having a united front? It’s me and you against them.’ Maddie texted and Buck felt guilty but he also felt angry.
It’s only a united front when it’s convenient for you. Buck wanted to text Maddie that but reframed. She didn’t seem to care when she moved out to get away and then married Doug to stay away. Buck was left all alone with the people he calls parents.
Buck’s parents weren’t abusive or hurt Buck in any physical way. It was just how they acted around him. Not taking an interest in anything he liked. Always berating him for every little thing. Not being there when he needed them. They always acted like they were trying to get away from him rather than love him like a parent should.
Maddie didn’t understand that. She grew up with their love while he barely got any. He only had their attention when he got hurt. They weren't perfect but at least they acknowledged him then. They became somewhat of what a doting parent would be like and Buck couldn’t help but soak it up. It’s why he is the way he is. He always wanted to push, always wanted to see how far he could go before he got hurt.
And it didn’t matter if he got hurt. Getting hurt was the final goal anyway. It got his parents to notice him. Now, it just sounded sad to Buck, who as an adult can see how fucked up that was.
‘Ask Chim, I didn’t go to work today.’ Buck replied knowing that would get her off his back.
‘Omg! Are u okay?’ She immediately replied back. She knew that Buck missing work meant he really had to be sick and he wasn’t just lying to get out of dinner.
‘Yes, I’m okay. I’m recovering.’ Buck answered. It wasn’t technically a lie. He was recovering; from a broken heart.
‘Ok, sry to bother you. I’ll let our parents know. Feel better! Love u!’
‘Love u too.’
Buck signed and put down his phone glad he was able to dodge the bullet on that one. He might take tomorrow off too just to make sure they can’t try to set up another dinner with him. Buck never wants to see his parents, ever.
Before he knew it, sleep claimed him again. He only woke up because of the knocking on his door.
Buck didn’t know what time it was but it had to be somewhere mid-day since the sun was high in the sky. Last he looked it was still morning. The knocking was persistent, and Buck hoped it wasn’t Maddie checking in on him. He didn’t think he could handle her asking him if he was okay, because he really wasn’t. He actually might break down on her if she pushes.
However, Maddie was the least of Buck’s worries as he opened the door and saw his parents on the other side.
‘Shit…’ Buck thought as he saw his parents for the first time in years.
“What are you doing here?” Buck couldn’t help but ask.
“Not even a hello for your parents.” His mother huffed. “What a rude child you’ve become. Where are your manners?”
Buck closed his eyes and took a deep breath. God, why couldn’t it have been Maddie at the door. He would rather deal with her and break down on her than deal with his parents. Especially now of all times. He was already at an all-time low. He didn’t think he could get lower, but knowing his parents, he’ll come out lower than he could’ve ever imagined.
“Hello,” Buck breathed out. He just had to play along long enough to get them out.
“Well, aren’t you going to let us in?” Margaret asked with annoyance in her voice.
“Sure.” Buck moved aside and let them both in, even though every cell in his being was screaming no.
“Hmm…” his mother hummed in judgement as she looked around the place.
Buck had to admit that his place was a little messy. Not overly bad, but he had neglected it for a few days. Dishes were in the sink, the trash was sinking the place up a little, and his whole apartment could use a sweeping and a mopping. Buck wasn’t even going to get started on his bed area because that was the worst.
“You’re messier than Maddie.” Margaret commented as she continued to look around in slight disgust.
Buck just takes the hit and doesn’t comment, already feeling lower than before.
“Well, Maddie did say that Evan wasn’t feeling well.” Phillip cut in. “I’m sure if he was feeling better he would’ve cleaned a little better.”
“I raised two kids, sick or not and I still made sure that the house was clean.” Margaret stated. “Evan, you don’t have a girlfriend, let alone kids. You can’t be that sick if you’re up and out of bed.”
“Mom, I was in bed. I was sleeping before you guys started knocking on my door.” Buck tried to defend himself.
“Well, when we heard that you weren’t coming to dinner we had to come over. We haven’t seen you in years. Not even a phone call or an email.” Margaret said.
“And who’s fault is that?!” Buck snapped back. He was already overwhelmed and just done with the world, he couldn’t stand to be here another second with his parents. “You pushed me away at every turn! I was never good enough for you, no matter what I did and when I got hurt in the last couple of years, you never came! Not once! So forgive me if I don’t want you in my life anymore! You sure as hell didn’t want me in yours!”
“Evan Buckley! How dare you speak to us in that manner!” Phillip raged. “That’s unacceptable young man! You know how we feel about hospitals! You apologize to us, right now!”
“And why should I?!” Buck asked. “You haven’t been there for me in years, and when you were there, you hated it. You were only there because you had to!”
“That’s not true!” Margaret cried out. “How could you say such horrible things?!”
“Because it is true mom!” Buck yelled back, getting upset. He was starting to feel guilty for hurting another person but he was hurt too damnit! “You were hardly there for me! I was the black sheep of the family and Maddie was the golden child!”
“That’s hardly true.” Margaret mumbled.
Buck narrowed his eyes. What the hell did that mean?
“Alright, let’s settle down.” His father interrupted before he could ask that very question. “We’re getting a little ahead of ourselves. Evan, we just wanted to see you since it’s been so long. Please, can we just talk?”
No. Buck didn’t want to talk. He wanted them out of his apartment and out of his life.
“Sure.” Buck heard himself say, though he didn’t know why he was allowing this to go on.
“Let’s sit.” They walked to the living room area and sat down. “How are you Evan?”
Horrible. So tired of the world. Just want things to go back to the way they were.
“I’m fine.” Buck wouldn’t or rather, he couldn’t state any of his real feelings. They wouldn’t understand. He already felt horrible. They would just make it worse. There was no comfort when it came to his parents. “How about you?”
“We’re good!” Phillip and Margaret then proceeded to jump into story after story on how their life was going. They didn’t care that Buck barely got a word in. They threw in some comments that made Buck feel lower and lower, until he felt like he was in the ground suffocating. Not like Buck was fighting to get a word in. He just let them have their fun and then maybe they’ll leave and hopefully never come back.
“Ah, it was so good to catch up with you Evan.” Margaret said with a smile, pleased with herself with having such a pleasant conversation with her son.
“Sure, yeah.” Buck honestly didn’t know what to say.
All his parents did was talk about themselves and what they did. Never once did they ask what he was up to or if there was anything new in his life. To be honest, Buck didn’t know if he would answer even if they did but at least it showed they were trying to be involved with his life.
“Well, this was nice, but we have to get going now. We can’t be late for dinner with Maddie and her boyfriend.” Phillip stated as he and his wife got up. “Are you sure you can’t come? You seem fine to me. You don’t look sick at all.”
“Uh, yeah. Sorry I can’t go.” Like hell would Buck spend another second longer with them. It was bad enough that they just showed up to his apartment. “I’m still sick. It was worse before. I’m feeling better but I don’t want to jinx it. I have work tomorrow and would like to be ready for it.”
“I’m still surprised that you still have this job.” Margaret mentioned. “You were always such a flighty thing, going from one place to another and if you didn’t quit, you got fired for your recklessness and your habit of attention seeking.”
“Stop being selfish!”
Wow, Buck didn’t think his parents could do anymore damage but he was wrong. In just one sentence, his mother just listed off almost every single insecurity and personal fault he had of himself. He tried and failed to swallow the lump that was forming in his throat.
“Well…” Buck coughed and tried to clear his throat. The lump was getting bigger and he could feel his emotions getting the better of him. “I found my place and I’ve been doing a good job at it.”
Buck wasn’t going to mention all the times he fucked up and how he really did get fired that one time. He doesn’t fault his parents for being surprised even if it did hurt from their lack of faith and support. Even he’s surprised sometimes when he thinks back on how he acted when he first started. He was such an immature frat boy who didn’t care about anyone but himself and he was so full of it. Thinking he was the best of the best and that nothing could touch him.
He had never been so wrong.
It makes him wonder how Bobby could’ve ever trusted him enough to keep him on the team. It makes him wonder how anyone at the 118 could have trusted him to have their backs during risky calls.
“Yes, I guess you have to be if you still have a job there.” Phillip complimented with a proud smile. “I’m glad you’re growing up and stop being so childish.”
“Why are you so childish?”
Buck certainly didn’t take it as a compliment. All he heard was that they were surprised that he was good at a job long enough to still have one.
“Honey, we need to get going.” Margaret pushed her husband to move. “We’re going to be late. You know I hate to be late.”
“Understood dear.” Philip told her as they moved along to the front door. “Don’t be a stranger Evan. Call once in a while.”
“Sure.” Buck told them. “Promise.”
It was one of the few promises that he had to no intention to keep. Like hell would he call them. He could be dying and the last people he would call is his parents.
“Bye dear!” his mother waved along with his father as they left.
Not once did they say ‘I love you’, Buck noticed. He was sure that that’s what parents do when they leave their child. He’s seen others of the 118 do it with their kids. Eddie says it to Chris almost every time he leaves the boy, even if it was just Chris going to school.
God…
Buck tried to blink his tears away, but it wasn’t working. He was never going to see Christopher again, was he?
Fuck!
Buck covered his eyes with a hand and took shaky breaths. He thought he cried and drank it all out last night and this morning but apparently it wasn’t enough.
Buck went back over to the living room area, intending to lay down and swallow in self-pity again, when he saw a wallet where he’s father was sitting.
“God damnit!” Buck cursed, because now he had to call his parents and he had to have them come back to get it.
“Hello?” His father answered.
“Dad, it’s me. B-Evan.” Buck bit back knowing how his family hated nicknames.
“Oh, Evan! I’m surprised you called so soon. We meant much later. We just talked to you.”
“Yeah,” Buck bit his lip. “You forgot your wallet here. It must’ve fallen out of your pocket.”
“Oh man, I didn’t even notice. Thanks for finding it.” Phillip said.
“So, yeah, are you turning around and coming back to get it now?” Asked Buck.
“Uh, we’re on our way to Maddie’s. We can’t turn around now. You know your mother hates to be late for anything. Why don’t you come and drop it off for us?”
“Dad…” Buck sighed, exhausted. “If that’s the case, why not pick it up after?”
“And risk getting pulled over without it a second time?” His dad sounded so annoyed. “Would you really put your father out like that. I’m already risking it as it is. Besides, we don’t know how long we’re going to be at Maddie’s. It’ll be easier if you just drop the wallet over at her place.”
God fucking damnit! Buck just felt like crying all over again.
“Okay…” Buck’s voice was so soft and small as he gave in. There was no point in arguing. His parents always won and he always felt like shit afterwards.
“That’s a good boy. See you soon.” His dad hung up and Buck just wanted to shoot himself.
Buck was tired, pissed and also feeling sorry for himself, which is a horrible combo. He didn’t even change out of his PJs. He just threw on a pair of sneakers and grabbed his wallet, keys, and his dad’s wallet. He had no intention of staying at Maddies no matter what anyone said.
He’ll run over there real quick, drop off the wallet, come back here, and try to get his shit together to last long enough to finish his shift tomorrow.
Buck had a great plan. He knew it would work and it would’ve too, until an unsuspecting event happened.
When Buck reached his Jeep, he threw his dads wallet in the passenger side which prompted the item to open and spill some of the contents out.
“Son of a bitch!” Buck cursed again as he started to shove stuff back inside, when he noticed an old picture.
It was a picture of him, but Buck doesn’t remember taking it. Buck also noticed a lack of pictures of Maddie in there. Why would his dad have an old picture of him in there?
Buck pulled the picture out carefully to take a closer look at it. It looked like him at first but as Buck continued to look, the more uncertain he became.
This wasn’t him.
“Who is this?” Buck flipped the picture over.
Daniel Buckley 8/04/1988
“What the-?” Buck flipped the picture back and forth a few times not sure what he was looking at. Who was Daniel? Was it a cousin he’s never met? Buy why would his father have a picture of him? Maybe it was a close relative on his father’s side? Buck didn’t know. He’s never heard of a Daniel Buckley before.
A second look at his father’s wallet for answers reveals more that Buck had bargained for; an obituary.
‘Daniel Buckley passed away at a tender age of 9 years old on Wednesday April 23rd 1993. Daniel lost his brave and long battle with leukemia but not without leaving his mark on the world. He was a beloved member of our community even at such a young age. Volunteering to help those just like him. He was a beloved son, sibling and friend.
He’s survived by his parents Margaret and Phillip as well as his younger sister, Maddie and brother, Evan. They love him more than words could express. A memorial service will be held for Daniel at the local Church and encourage everyone to join. All are welcome.’
Buck barely noticed everything slip from his hands, they were trembling so hard. Daniel…was his brother? That couldn’t be right. Right? He would’ve known if he had another sibling, right? There would’ve been pictures and toys, and Maddie would’ve told him, never mind his parents!
Did they…? Did they really hide from him that he had a sibling? His world had flipped upside down last night and now it just did another 360.
“No!” Buck shook his head, not believing it. Maddie would’ve at least said something! This is wrong. There’s no way that it’s true!
With that thought in mind. He shoved everything back in the wallet and drove like a bat out of hell to Maddie’s. He was going to get answers one way or another.
0000000
Buck got to Maddie’s in record time. He was all over the place.The few people that saw him, clearly moved at out of his way. He didn’t know if it was his body language or maybe he had a look in his eye but people noticed him quickly and got out of his way just as fast with a scared look in their eyes.
He didn’t mean to but he pounded on Maddie’s door before he could think better of it. It echoed loudly even to his own ears, he couldn’t imagine what it sounded like to the people inside.
“Buck?” Chim answered the door. “What are you doing here? I thought you were sick?”
Typical. His parents couldn’t even bother to tell their hosts that he was coming. That sounded like them though. They were probably going to use that to make him stay for their own benefit.
“Not now.” Buck said in a sharp tone. “Where is Maddie and our parents?”
“In-In the dining room.” Chim’s eyebrows rose to his hairline at Buck’s tone. “Why?”
Buck didn’t bother with an answer. He pushed past Chim and left him standing in the doorway. He didn’t have time for pleasantries. He needed answers now. He found them in the dining room like Chim said. His parents laughing at something with Maddie smiling tightly.
Great! He’s glad he caught them at a good time.
“Ah, Evan! You made it!” His mother cried like she really cared that he was here.
He leveled her with a glare.
“I’m glad you were able to bring my wallet son.” Phillip got up to get said item.
“Oh you mean this?” Buck held up the wallet. “Yeah, I have it. I also have a picture and an obituary on a Daniel Buckley. Does that ring any bells to any of you?”
Buck's worst nightmare came to life as all three of his family members tensed at Daniel’s name. His parents he could get, but not Maddie.
Some united front. Buck thought dryly. His earlier assumption was true. They were only a united front when it was convenient for her. Or were they even a united front at all since now he knows that it was always him against them.
“So it’s true?” He accused them. “I have an older brother.”
“Dear don’t be silly!” Margaret tried to play it off. “That’s just a random family member that passed. Nothing more.”
“That’s bullshit and you know it.” He hissed as he pointed to her. “There’s an obituary in there claiming you and dad as his parents and us as his siblings. So, I’m going to ask one more time. Is Daniel my older brother?”
“I’m telling you no!” His mother screamed at him.
“Yes…” Maddie whispered as she sniffed, wiping away tears.
“Maddie!” Margaret hissed this time at her daughter. “You promised!”
“But there’s no point in keeping that promise anymore.” Maddie continued to speak softly looking devastated.
“So it’s true?” Buck’s voice is equally soft now. “I had an older brother and I never knew about him. Why didn't I know about him?”
“You were young.” Maddie started. “He died when you were one. He had child’s leukemia. We tried so many treatments but what Daniel really needed was a matching donor and there were no matches good enough for him.”
“So he died a year after I was born?” Buck questioned as gears were turning in his head. He turned to his parents. “You had a child during all of this? I can’t imaging having to handle that. Was I an accident?”
“No.” Maddie answered for them. “You were planned.”
“I was planned?” Buck shook his head and ran his hands through his hair. Emotions were starting to swell and the realization of what he truly was was coming to light right before his eyes. “I was a planned child during the hardest time of your lives, when Daniel was the sickest.”
Buck paced quickly back and forth and continued to rub his face with his hands. When he stopped and pulled his hands back, his eyes were red rimmed from holding his tears back.
“I was a Savior Baby, wasn’t I?” He asked but he already knew and the deafening silence only confirmed it.
“You were a match and they did the transplant but something went wrong. The cells didn’t take and then Daniel died.” Maddie explained.
He took a shaky breath and thought he was going to choke. Earlier his world did a 360 when he discovered Daniel’s picture and Buck just watched his world crash and burn right in front of his eyes.
He couldn’t handle it. He was done. It was hard enough as it was with the truck bombing, the lawsuit, the tsunami, how the 118 was treating him, Eddie and fucking Ana! He was losing Christopher and now, he just found out that he was born with only one purpose in life; to save his brother and he couldn't even do that right.
He was a failure since the day of his birth. He was unloved from the moment he was conceived. He really was unlovable. He never could get people to stay no matter how hard he tried. Everyone was always leaving him and now he knew why.
He was born to fail and to live alone. There was something wrong with him down to the very cells of his being. And everyone around him knew it but him.
“No wonder…” Buck spoke to himself as a a weird calmness when over him.
So many things made sense now. So many questions and wondering why this was happening, answered.
“Buck…?” Maddie got up and made a move towards him but Buck jerked back.
“Buck?” Margaret questioned. “Are you still going by that ridiculous nickname?”
“Mom!” Maddie was the one to hiss this time in anger.
“Ha!” Buck started to laugh hysterically and he didn’t stop for a while. “HaHAHAHA!”
“Why are you laughing?” Phillip asked with a side of caution.
“HAHAH! I can’t believe it! HAHAHA!” Buck laughed and laughed. “I-HAHA! I just got-Ha the biggest bomb dropped on me. HAHAHA! And the only thing she takes—-HAHA- takes from that is my- HA- my nickname! HAHAHAHA!”
“Buck, please?” Maddie tried to get close to Buck again but again he jerked away from her. He’s laughter dissolved into sobs but anger started to develop.
“No!” he roared with tears running down his face no matter how hard he tried to contain them. He swung his arm for her to get away from him. “Shut up! You’re no better than them! It was supposed to be us against them but it was really just me! How could you keep this from me?!”
“I-” Maddie started.
“No,” Buck held up a hand. “No I don’t care what excuse you have. Nothing you could say will make this better.”
Maddie’s face fell devastated, tears were running down her own face.
“I don’t even know what to say to you.” Buck looked at his parents. “Just know that I never want to see the likes of you ever again.”
Buck turned to storm out.
“Hey man,” Chimney tried to intercept.
“Not now.” Buck side stepped him.
“Look, I know this might look bad but please don’t take this out on Maddie. I can’t even imagine what this might feel like but Maddie was a child too when this happened.”
Buck stopped and looked at him.
“You knew.” Buck wasn’t asking and Chim looking down to avoid looking at him confirmed it. “This just keeps getting better and better.”
“Come on man, it’s not like that. I just found out today myself.”
“Before me though.” Buck stated. “You knew before me. Maddie told you but not her own brother. She’s know you, what a few years. I’ve known her my whole god damn life! There’s no reason why she couldn’t have told me! Don’t tell me otherwise!”
“Look, you’re right but she didn’t have a choice Buck.” Chim tried to reason.
Buck’s face grew dark.
“Yeah?” Buck questioned. “Did someone have a gun to her head?”
“Wait, what? No!”
“Unless someone threatened her life, then there’s no excuse.” Buck stated, narrowing his eyes. “So what if she was a kid as well. She’s not been a kid in over a decade. Don’t give me that horse crap.”
“If you would just hear her out-”
“I’m done listening.” Buck told him. “I’m tired. I’m going home.”
“Buck, wait!”
Buck didn’t and he pushed himself through Chimney. Chim tried to stop him but Buck had at least 50 pounds on him and the height too. There was no stopping Buck as he forced his way out the door. He took a deep breath as he got outside and booked it to his Jeep. He didn’t want anyone chasing after him. He was done with them and just about every other person in his life.
He sat in his Jeep for a minute before starting the car. He felt oddly numb to it all. It was like he was in so much mental pain that it was just white noise in the background. Buck wondered if he was in shock, but he didn’t want to think too hard in case the pain came back.
He stared at the sky blankly for a moment. The sun was going to set soon.
He suddenly got a strong desire to see a famous LA sunset. He’ll have to find a good place to see it. A please where there was little traffic and less people.
He put his Jeep in gear and started to drive.