Chapter Text
Fedyor and Ivan were equal in height, in strength, in heartrending ability. But the subtle differences between them gave them away - Ivan’s slighter figure, in contrast with Fedyor’s bulkier build.
Fedyor was a beta, and Ivan an omega.
It was not something that Ivan shared around. He had worked hard and risen through the ranks despite the hardships afforded him by his gender. He knew that despite his Grisha power and carefully constructed intimidating exterior, the Grisha who he commanded would respect him less if they knew. So he hid it as best he could, from all but Fedyor.
And the General. There was no way he could hide it from the General, not when Kirigan was an alpha. Kirigan had known before Ivan had begun to climb the ranks. Ivan wondered if it had been why Kirigan favoured him and invited him to travel in his guard - but if his intentions had been less than professional, he had been deterred by Ivan’s romance with Fedyor.
Fedyor had initiated the romance. He had been the one to befriend Ivan in their classes together when they were young, the one to flirt with him as they grew older. It was not that Fedyor was a flirt - he was kind and he had liked Ivan for some reason Ivan could still not detect.
Ivan had grown to love Fedyor so much that being away from him for too long pained him. Unrelated to his biology, to his heat, to any sexual desire. Without Fedyor to lay beside at night, he felt uneasy and slept poorly. He was a worse fighter. He was unhappy.
But the pain he felt now was related to his biology. He was standing in the General’s war room, as still as he was able to as discomfort and arousal warred tumultuously inside him. It was nearly impossible to focus on Kirigan’s words - he should have told him he would need the day off today, but he refused to take off days unnecessarily and his heats always came on fast, violent, without warning.
Ivan saw the General pause, glance up from the opposite side of the huge table, laden with its maps and figures and fractured battle plans. Ivan watched the General’s nostrils flare and knew that he was found out.
He waited as ever for the danger he had been warned of over and over again by other omegas. An alpha could become uncontrollable when they sensed an omega in heat.
But Kirigan simply sniffed, lowering his gaze to the maps again. He flicked a hand at the door. “Ivan, dismissed. Fedyor - you can go with him.”
Ivan felt a rush of relief. “Thank you, sir.” He said solemnly, and slipped out the door with Fedyor on his heels.
“It started?” Fedyor asked. He slipped his hand into Ivan’s, and Ivan squeezed it thankfully, leaning against the wall. “He always knows before I do.”
It was a moment before Ivan could gather himself enough to reply. “...he’s...built to detect it.”
Fedyor nodded, his brows drawn with sympathy. Ivan would have hated to see it on anyone but his partner - on anyone else it meant they knew a weakness, but on Fedyor it meant that he would be cared for.
“Come on.” Fedyor hummed, keeping a firm grip on Ivan’s hand and guiding him down the long hall.
It seemed to take forever to get to Ivan’s bedroom. When they entered more populated areas of the palace, Ivan dropped Fedyor’s hand and tried his damndest to act as if nothing was wrong. He did not want to look like a weak omega clinging to his partner for help, barely able to stand on his own - even if that was true, for all intents and purposes. By the time Fedyor opened the door to his bedroom for him, Ivan was near collapse.
“Woah…” Fedyor said, pulling the door shut swiftly behind them and hurrying to offer his help to keep Ivan upright. Ivan slipped his arms around Fedyor, his fevered brow pressed to Fedyor’s shoulder, struggling against the sensations that rocked him. He couldn’t help the whine of pain that slipped out.
“...I need you.” Ivan rasped. As if it wasn’t obvious. As if he wasn’t exactly the thing he hated, the whimpering, trembling, submissive little omega.
“Let’s get this off.” He was aware of Fedyor’s voice, though the sound of the room seemed suddenly quieted. It was as if his body had focused all its attention to his core, extremities and senses deemed unnecessary. He offered a silent prayer of thanks to the saints that he was safely with Fedyor, and not on the battlefield.
This is why omegas don’t climb the ranks. He reminded himself without allowing room for self-pity.
He felt his kefta slip free, fall to the floor. Felt Fedyor helping his shirt off. Numbly he helped, then sat heavily on the edge of the bed as Fedyor bent to take his boots off for him.
Fedyor was speaking, and Ivan forced himself to focus past the pain and hear him.
“Ivan, are you with me?” His partner asked, seemingly not for the first time.
Ivan nodded. “I am. I just...I drifted. It hurts.”
“I know.” Fedyor murmured. He set Ivan’s boots aside and rose to his feet, starting to undress.
Ivan lay back on the bed, lifting his hips to push his trousers off and kicking them away. He knew he could not be very attractive at this moment, laying in pain on the bed, needing Fedyor in an impersonal and utilitarian way. He briefly felt sorry for Fedyor, for having to care for him through this.
If Fedyor were an alpha, there would be no issue. Their potent pheromones would strip away all reluctance, reducing them to their base animal urges.
Ivan was so glad that Fedyor was not an alpha.
The warring arousal and discomfort were too much. He braced his feet on the mattress and arched his back, lifting himself off the mattress and reaching between his legs. The noise that escaped him as he pushed two fingers inside himself - a rough and unbridled groan of pleasure - made even him blush to hear it. He was wet . Distantly he was aware that this was because had been close to the General when his heat had started, but he ignored that thought.
“Fedyor…” He groaned. Had he not been lost in the pleasure that was the only thing keeping the pain at bay, he would have opened his eyes to look for Fedyor. Where was he?
“Here.” Fedyor breathed. Ivan felt him now, his cool hand coming to cup Ivan’s flushed cheek. His breath on Ivan’s ear.
Fedyor’s other hand took hold of Ivan’s hand. He steered it, guiding Ivan’s fingers to keep fucking himself. Ivan twisted his head to the side, gasping despite himself, parting his legs further. “Fedyor. You. Please.”
Fedyor pulled Ivan’s hand away from his entrance. Ivan’s insides curled as he felt a fresh intrusion, but it was just Fedyor’s fingers, sliding into him with slick ease.
“God, you’re wet.” Fedyor said. There was a rough tremor of arousal in his voice.
“...I just want your cock…” Ivan panted. He knew he was being impatient, but he couldn’t help himself.
Fedyor’s smooth cheek brushed his. He withdrew his fingers, and Ivan felt him push his legs further apart. “I know, lapushka .”
Ivan reached out to take hold of the bedcovers tightly. He needed something to hold onto - a moment later Fedyor was thrusting into him. Hard. Fast. Fully sheathed inside him with minimal preparation - Ivan’s body had done it for them. Fedyor gripped his thighs tightly, forcing them wide as he began to fuck him.
It was brutally fast and rough, but it was exactly what Ivan’s body was craving. Or, as exact an approximation as Fedyor could give, not being an alpha. He thrust steadily into Ivan, lowering his lips to Ivan’s throat and leaving rough love-bites to mark his skin.
Ivan gripped tightly to the bedsheets with one hand, the other came up to grab hold of Fedyor’s shoulder. He grunted with relief with each punishing thrust - the pain of it paled in comparison to the pain of being left untouched. “...Fed...Fedyor…”
“I have you…” Fedyor rasped in his ear. “Mm...ah...this is what you...ah...needed. Hm?”
Ivan nodded. All he had to do was grip tightly to Fedyor, and his partner would do the rest. Exactly as he needed.
A shudder swept through him suddenly and before he even knew it, his aching cock spilled over his stomach. Fedyor was still pounding into him tirelessly, but now his thrusts slowed a fraction, he punctuated their love with a few final hard thrusts before spilling inside Ivan. It was not exactly what Ivan needed - but it was Fedyor, and so it was what he wanted.
As soon as Fedyor pulled out, Ivan rolled onto his side. The discomfort would return soon. He could already feel it at the edges of his senses, despite the lingering ache of being fucked so well, despite the sticky residue left in him. He would be this way until nature ran its course. He was lucky enough to have brief heats, with the trade off that they were intense.
There was one way that he could end this suffering now. Were he knotted by an alpha, his heat would resolve and he could go about his work as usual.
He sneered to himself at the thought. Yes, life would continue on as normal - until he became pregnant with the alpha’s child. The last thing he wanted.
He knew Fedyor had left the bed, but now he felt it dip with his return. He flinched a little as a warm cloth brushed over his backside, and he knew Fedyor was cleaning up his spill.
“Leave it.” He rasped. He hated how weak and wanting his voice sounded. “...I want it.”
He felt Fedyor’s lips brush his shoulder. “...I’m just cleaning it up a little.”
Ivan nodded his consent. When Fedyor’s touch on his shoulder encouraged him to roll onto his back, he obeyed without question. He watched as Fedyor refolded the cloth and wiped away the come on his stomach. Fedyor’s touch was gentle but firm, his attention wholey on the task.
“I’m sorry.” Ivan said. He didn’t know how the words had slipped out, he had been thinking something else. I love you.
Fedyor raises his gaze to meet Ivan’s. “...Ivan, I’ve told you before. You don’t have to apologize for...yourself.”
Ivan frowned. It was the part of himself that he hated the most. He tipped his head, looking elsewhere in the room. “...you can go back to work. I’ll be fine now.”
He heard Fedyor chuckle. “The General gave me the evening off to care for you. If you don’t need caring for, then I’ll just enjoy my free evening.”
Ivan hated this, too. The both of them were the General’s top soldiers, and yet his biology could take both of them from their jobs for several days.
“No. Really. Go see if he needs you, still.” He pushed himself into a half-sitting position with some difficulty. Fedyor had fucked him well, and he knew he would be sore. “Since I can’t.”
Fedyor watched him with sympathy, then slowly got to his feet and made his way to the basin to wash. “...alright…” He sighed. “But I’ll come check in on you periodically.”
Ivan nodded. He shifted to lay on his front, head turned to the side and eyes closed. This position would, he knew from experience, ease the aching for a bit.
Fedyor came back when dressed, and laid a blanket over him with care. He kissed Ivan’s temple, speaking softly. “I’ll bring you dinner. And then we can do this again, okay? Is that a good time?”
Ivan wouldn’t have minded to be fucked again now. But Fedyor was a beta - he wasn’t built for the rough and rigorous mating cycles the way alphas and omegas were. A few times a day was the best Fedyor could offer, and it was nearly enough - Ivan nodded in response.
He listened as Fedyor stepped out of the room and shut the door behind him. He sensed the pulse of his partner growing distant as Fedyor left the bedroom behind.
When he was sure Fedyor was not coming back, he gave in to the fresh want that was rising inside him. He pushed up from laying on his stomach to all-fours on the bed, his cheek still pressed to the pillow. He was hard again, though that wasn’t what mattered. Ivan used one hand to spread his cheeks, and pressed the fingers of the other into himself.
“Saints.” He groaned into his pillow, to no one but himself.
He could feel the come that Fedyor had left inside him, mingled with his own natural slick. Mouth open and gasping he began to fuck himself with his fingers, shoving the mess deeper, trembling with desperate need.
As if this was the solution. As if this dirty, desperate act would solve anything but his present lust. He wanted more inside him, more than his fingers, more than Fedyor’s cock. In this heated instant he could confess it to himself. He wanted an alpha’s thick cock, wanted to be knotted and bitten and filled with their seed.
The General.
The thought of him came unbidden, and the moan that slipped from Ivan’s lips was just as unwanted. But the fire it lit in him could not be extinguished. Now he was envisioning it. His mind was full of the thought. How it would feel to be fucked by Kirigan, to be his omega.
He had pushed four fingers inside himself. He needed so much more.
The rich scent of Kirigan. The rasp in his voice. The way his dark eyes glinted, the way a smirk fit so well on his face.
Ivan came. With own fingers crammed in his hole, his face in the pillow, his thoughts on Kirigan instead of Fedyor. The shuddering sigh that escaped him was half a sob, the guilt already roaring in.
As he lay there in his mess, the blanket Fedyor had laid over him tossed aside somewhere, he thought about how stupid it was to fantasize. He had never seen an Alpha’s hard cock before. He had only heard whispers about them from other omegas. It was stupid to believe that it would ever be worth leaving Fedyor just to get fucked by an alpha. How could he fantasize of Kirigan, when he loved Fedyor?
Ivan slipped off to sleep where he lay, with these thoughts as his last.
He didn’t stir again until Fedyor came back with a dinner tray to share. The smell of food woke him, but it wasn’t hunger that soon ruled him - they fucked again without foreplay or ceremony. He could feel how hard Fedyor worked, but also felt that he was flagging slightly in the intensity of his thrusts. Though Ivan begged - faster, harder, I need it - there was only so much Fedyor could do.
Afterward, they shared a meal without much conversation. Fedyor talked briefly about what he had done for the General after Ivan’s departure. Ivan tried not to think about how his traitorous imagination had brought him images of Kirigan, how he had come to the thought of him.
How could he ever confess that? He wanted to be honest to Fedyor about his needs and his mistakes, but it would only hurt his partner.
That night they lay curled together under the covers of the bed. Fedyor’s body bracketed Ivan’s, his arm wrapped around him. He spoke in a sleepy voice. “...do you think your heat will end...before we have to depart?”
Ivan hadn’t considered it. He had almost entirely forgotten that they were embarking on a mission with the general in two days' time. The internal conflict of his heat had wiped it from his mind.
“...you’ll have to go with him, alone.” Ivan rumbled. “I can’t.”
“But I can’t leave you here. Not in this state.” Fedyor said. Ivan felt him shifting to half sit up behind him and knew that Fedyor was trying to see his face.
“We’ve done it before.” Ivan said. It was true - though the memories of it were sorry ones. Lonely, painful days spent laying in bed, tending feverishly to his own arousal when he had the energy to. Not eating, barely drinking. Each time Fedyor had returned to him after one of these heats, he had seen the state Ivan was in and vowed not to leave him alone to suffer again.
An empty vow. Their work was more important than Ivan’s comfort.
“I don’t want to do that again.” Fedyor said. The rough note in his voice told Ivan that Fedyor had been reliving the same memories. “Saints. I wish I was an alpha.”
Ivan rolled slowly onto his back, to look up at Fedyor. “...don’t say that. I’m glad you aren’t.”
Fedyor didn’t look at him, distractedly biting his lip and gazing into the middle distance.
“...Fedyor. I mean that when I say it.” Ivan took hold of the front of Fedyor’s shirt, and Fedyor glanced down at him. “If you were an alpha - yes, this problem would be dealt with. But think of all the other problems. You’d have a rut to deal with. You’d be angry, aggressive, jealous. You and General Kirigan would probably kill each other.”
Fedyor’s lips quirked. “...why? We don’t have anything to fight over.”
“...this is a hypothetical.” Ivan said, ignoring the thoughts that crowded in his mind.
Fedyor’s expression grew solemn, and he cupped Ivan’s cheek. “...you’re right. I’m fine with who I am. I just wish...saints, Ivan, I wish I could do something to help you.”
“You do. You do help me, Fedyor.” Ivan assured him. “...better than an alpha ever could.”
He shifted where he lay, and Fedyor glanced down between them. A knowing smile crossed his face. “...again?”
There was something a little tired in that one word. Not reluctant, not dismissive. Just tired. As if Fedyor was being asked to do a chore.
“No. I just need to piss.” Ivan lied. He pushed the covers away and got up, avoiding facing Fedyor as he made his way to their adjacent bathroom. He went to the far side of the room, hoping to lessen the noises he made. With one hand gripping the basin of the sink and the other behind himself, he lowered his head and began to finger himself again. This was a chore for him, too, but at least once he got it over with he could sleep again. He bit down on his lip, angling to pleasure himself best, feeling how slick the talk of alphas had made him.
He jerked as the door came open, twisting his head around. Fedyor entered and approached him, moving behind him and bracing his hands beside Ivan’s on the sink, breathing in his ear. “You don’t need to lie to me, lapushka .”
Ivan panted. He was still fingering himself hard, for what little good it did. “Please.”
Fedyor replaced Ivan’s fingers with his cock. He moved fast, but Ivan could feel the effects of the long day wearing him down. When they finally came, Ivan felt weak enough to sink to the floor and sleep there. Fedyor helped him back to bed, and they curled together once more to sleep.