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“Hello, Listeners! Welcome to put your hands up Radio where I Present Mic— cure your boredom with my very lovely sense of humor!” He said, in a very distinct show host voice. ”You know how it goes folks, I have a guest star every Friday! Why don’t you introduce yourself Miss Midnight?!”
“Why, Hello Hello Hello! You all know me as The Rated R Hero: Midnight. I'm ecstatic for the conversations that await me.”
“I’m glad to have you here!”
”Glad to be here!”
”Tell us what’s going on with you lately, Mama! Give us all the juicy details.” Present Mic took a nice long gulp of his coffee, almost spitting it out at the look on her face.
“why do you drink like that, ew!”
“drink like what?”
“Like it’s gonna fucking run away from you?!”
“I do not! I’m just not a big fan of savoring, you know that girl!”
“Yamada, three of your sips—it’s gone! How do you manage to stay awake if you devour all your coffee in one go? It won't saturate that way. ”
“Funny you ask that. That's not how that works, but I'll humor you." Hizashi chuckled at the way Nemuri pouted, but he continued. "Coffee makes me a little sleepy if I’m being honest. But baby do I love my caramel frappes.”
“It makes you sleepy? No fucking way. I don’t believe it.”
“Uhh, Yes way?! I’m surprised you haven’t noticed that I take three-hour naps after my coffee on the staff room couch!”
“No, because I’m not procrastinating my work. I have flirting to do!”
“Ma’am I-“ Hizashi snorted, about to go into a full-on laughing fit before he remembered.
”No avoiding my questions Missy! This is a fifty-fifty effort in storytelling. Come on now!” he said, then added,” And don’t talk about your kinky sex life, my children listen to this show.” like it was an afterthought.
“Fuck off!” Nemuri laughed, then composed herself once again.
"Midnight," He warned, a smile on his face all the same." my children."
It was a joke, she knew it. Hizashi and Shouta cursed plenty of times, and Izuku cursed the most out of their entire family. Hizashi's son put sailors to shame with one sentence.
Nemuri rolled her eyes, smiling fondly. “Hero life’s been boring, you know? Patrol and shit. My partner is like hell-bent on getting a fucking popcorn machine - I have no idea why, well, I do. But for the sake of the story, I don't know. ”
Hizashi snorted, "Probably to fuck with my partner." He'd called it from the beginning.
“No no, it’s a funny story! Listen! They come up and they’re like giving me the eyes—so I’m like oh shit .. what is it now? They go, popcorn .. just popcorn." She paused, "And I go, what? Like what the hell does she mean? They go, baby let’s get a popcorn machine so we can have a movie night with our best friends!”
Nemuri sighs to get over a laugh. "There's an ulterior motive. She either wants to fuck with me, with you, or with your partner. So, I'm like oh like .. what is it this time?" she said. "I get all suspicious, I go why? Why do we need a popcorn machine? You know, especially cause our kid will be bouncing off the damn walls."
"He has ADHD right?"
"No, not him. When our boy gets enough of the unhealthy stuff, he'll sit his ass down somewhere and like do homework, or sleep. You know, kind of like you and the coffee, right?" She made a hand gesture to him and nodded. Hizashi nodded back.
"Right, right."
"Yeah, no. It's the little one, Hizashi. I'm telling you, she becomes a fucking demon when it comes to corn syrup."
Hizashi clapped, leaning his head back and laughing loudly.
“But, so yeah. I'm asking her like ... what's the purpose of a popcorn machine? Because, one ... you know, you can make it on the stove or just simply put it in the microwave right? Like that's the logical way to go about it. They go, well… Mic’s partner is asleep on our couch—so let’s buy one real quick!" "It’s not clicking in my head what they’re trying to do! Like I’m genuinely not understanding where the conversation is going. I’m like, why would we do that? They won’t answer me and started trying to take the keys so I put them on top of the fridge until they answered. The whole time, they wanted to buy it to fuck with your partner.”
“Did you buy the popcorn machine?”
“Hell yeah, I bought the popcorn Machine! It’s like your partner never blinks, they just woke up. Nothing in between! That shit is creepy!”
“yeah, well you haven’t seen the laugh. Yeah, imagine how I feel?! I wake up and see that shit in the middle of the night and see those eyes and nearly shit my pants!”
Nemuri gasped. “You’re joking?”
“I’m not joking! It scares the absolute shit out of me! Hi baby, if you’re listening, my bad?” Then he laughed, not being able to take himself seriously.
it was contagious. “My-My bad?! Is all you have to say?!” Nemuri laughed.
“Alright, so I do have a funny story from this weekend as well.”
“mmhm.”
“So I was scrolling—as one does— and I came across this anime post from some American user. SaraJamms I believe? It was about aot and doing the first gesture you thought of when you heard the name, right? Right.”
“Yeah?”
Hizashi started laughed. “So I’m going to be dragging myself through the mud—bear with me, now! It came up to Armin’s name and—fuck!” He laughed.
“Y’all know Armin, blue eyes and like chin length hair. So adorable, you all should see him! But it came up to Armin’s part—and SaraJamms referred to it as…he/they hair..?!”
Nemuri snorted already knowing where this is going—because of the pictures.
“Shush! In case some of my cishet listeners don’t know what they mean by that—let me break it down. I had to share it, it was too funny!”
“Basically-“ Nemuri started.
“BASICALLY! In like high school, probably around my third year I was just figuring myself out—all of that stuff and I was growing my hair out.
Everybody with long hair knows they had an awkward growing-out phase, my phase was the fucking ‘he/they’ hair!
Like, I had the bangs and everything, it was chin length and I looked like the dude from that one movie! Ugh, what’s it called?”
“What, are you talking about Farquaad or Edna? Or-Or Mister O'hare?”
“Who, who, and who?”
“Mister O'hare! From the Lorax!”
“the small dude?! No way! What about Farquaad?”
”Farquaad is the bitchy prince from shrek, and Edna is from the Incredibles.”
“It was definitely Edna, then. She’s got the glasses too! But like I was saying!
Many of us fall victim to the He/they hair trope. Call today to fight he/they hair, do not let it take over you.”
He was trying to be serious, until he caught Nemuri’s eye and burst out laughing.
"Alright, folks. I think I'm gonna end our segment here. Next up we have 'Kiss Kiss Kiss' by KAT-TUN. Enjoy!"
"Bye guys!"
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“Bubby!” Izuku rushed up to Yamada giving him a hug, Hizashi hugged him back—giving him a kiss on the forehead. “Hi green.”
after everything that had happened to Izuku, he wouldn’t call Hizashi Papa—so he said Bubby instead.
Everyone else thought it was fitting.
“Hey, Pops!”
“Hi Moggie!”
“Hello Hello, Shouta.”
“Hey.” Shouta gave him a kiss on the cheek. The kids gagged.
Izuku gave him a sly smirk, and Hitoshi was snickering next to him, who was also giving him a sly smirk.
“what?” He said.
“Oh, nothing. Nothing. Hey Bubby, will you get my homework out of your office. I left it in there earlier, be a dear for me?”
Hizashi raised an eyebrow. “You..can’t do it yourself?”
“Oh, but my leg hurts from hero training today. Please, Bubby?”
Damnit, Hizashi internally cursed. “I can’t ever say no to ya, freckles.” He sighed.
“oh, I’m aware.” And Izuku smiled, as if that mask the aura of unhingedness radiating off of him.
Shouta also gave in a sly smirk as he walked by. What the hell.
He opened his office door and Hizashi wasn’t prepared for what he saw.
Pictures upon pictures of his he/they hair phase lining the wall. Even the fucking ceiling.
Even the motherfucking ceiling.
Hizashi screamed—his voice box was suddenly cut off and he jumped seeing his husband out of his peripheral.
“I blink.”
”I know you blink, sweetheart.”
“And, I do not immediately wake up—sometimes.”
“Yes, sometimes. That means some times.”
“Boys, wrap it up.”
“Alright, alright.” Izuku sighed walking slowly into the the room—with Hizashi following right after.
“How’d you even get pictures from my Armin hair phase?”
“I hacked into your iCloud and got them. You’ve got some really embarrassing pictures on there, you know? Like when you spilt-“
“Alright, Alright! I get it! Jeez.”