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When Loki was in bed with Anthony, there was never any other place that he would rather be.
Anthony was the perfect partner, always making sure that Loki’s needs were met, that things were never the same as they had ever been before. Being with Anthony, Loki hadn’t grown bored after two encounters like he usually did—they had been together for months, and yet Loki still gasped and moaned as if it were the first time.
He was smiling as he leaned back comfortably in Anthony’s bed, his bare skin flushed despite the cool air. Anthony was still fully clothed, and he was smirking as he hovered over Loki, darting down to brush their lips together before pulling back up—and grinding his clothed erection down hard against Loki’s as he did so.
Loki moaned, his chin lifting as his head threw back unbidden. Anthony chuckled deep in his throat, and leaned down further.
“I was wondering if you wanted to try something new today?” he asked, his breath dancing warmly over the shell of Loki’s ear.
“Only if it isn’t boring,” Loki replied—though of course, as always, the thought of something new had his cock twitching and hardening even further, a burning length against Anthony’s still Norns-moving hips.
“You remember your safeword?”
“Of course,” Loki replied—and his voice might have been hoarse, but he was more than certain that he was capable of lacing the words with a touch of annoyance. “Now whatever you’re going to do, will you get on with it?”
“Impatient,” Anthony teased, and his grin had Loki sending a glare. “I think I need to make sure you remember who’s in charge.”
In charge? The very thought was laughable, and Loki was about to tell Anthony so—but then Anthony caught Loki’s words with his lips, kissing him with a fervour that was second only to the way his hand curled around Loki’s cock.
Loki gasped into Anthony’s mouth, and he felt the curl of his lover’s lips as his hand began working up and down.
“That’s it,” Anthony said, still not pulling away from the kiss, their lips mashed together and their breaths a mingled mess. “You like that, don’t you? Isn’t this so much more enjoyable when I do it for you?”
Again, Loki had no answer—for of course it was more enjoyable than when he did it himself, especially because those moments were usually rushed and desperate, quick pumps and ugly grunts as he imagined that the pressure on his dick wasn’t his own hand, but rather Anthony’s mouth. Of course no fantasy could ever live up to the real thing, to the sight of Anthony still clothed yet all but riding him, apparently uncaring that he was about to ruin an expensive suit.
Ah, yes. There was definitely no place that Loki would rather be—at least, not until Anthony backed off, almost getting off Loki entirely so that he could lean over the side of the bed and rummage for something on the floor.
The whine that escaped Loki’s throat was embarrassing to say the least, but he didn’t even care, didn’t try to muffle it. Unashamedly, he reached down between his legs to grasp his now aching cock, swiped his thumb over the head and then stroked downwards long and firm. He moaned, still wishing it were Anthony’s hand, or Anthony’s mouth—but oh the friction felt good.
“Oh no you don’t,” Anthony said—and Loki’s only warning was the dip in the mattress before Anthony’s hand curled around his wrist, and then his arm was being guided upwards. He could have fought it, but despite the ache in his groin, despite the growing, desperate need that was impossible to ignore, some small part of his brain told him that he had agreed to follow Anthony’s lead on this one... and that usually, following Anthony’s lead ended with enough pleasure to split Loki’s skull.
So, he allowed it, his eyes almost rolling back in his head as Anthony slid up his body again, pressing his knee against Loki’s cock as he held Loki’s hands above his head.
“I thought we agreed that you like it better when I’m in charge?” Anthony crooned. “I know I do. If you can’t remember that… then I think I will just have to help you.”
The moment the metal closed around Loki’s wrists—Loki felt his entire body freeze.
He could hear Anthony talking, saying something about staying still, about laying back and enjoying the pleasure Anthony had in stall for him. But beyond a vague awareness, Loki didn’t really hear it.
His body was still trembling, but not with lust or anticipation.
No.
Loki was scared.
He had been put in cuffs before, oh so many times. He had been forced to his knees and made to beg, strapped to a table and made to endure as a Mad Titan forced his way into Loki’s head. He’d had collars around his neck, he’d been thrown into cells—and never, never had it ended well for him.
But… those moments, they did end. Eventually. All Loki needed to do… was wait.
And that was all right. Loki would just—well, he knew Anthony, he trusted him. He did. He could still feel Anthony’s hand on his cock, pumping up and down, and it felt… good. Unnatural, maybe, and almost like it was happening to someone else, but his cock was still stiffening, his body still reacting. Anthony was still crooning at him, telling him that he was a good boy, that he was staying so still, that if he kept being so good then maybe Anthony would let Loki kneel at his feet and suck his dick.
Loki stared straight ahead, and he waited for it to be over.
He let out a breath when Anthony’s hand stopped moving, almost wishing that Anthony would just keep on going, just get it over with. The sooner he came, the sooner he would be left alone, right? Loki wasn’t sure, it was new for him, but… well, luckily he didn’t have to follow the train of thought, for he felt Anthony’s hand moving further down, a wet finger circling Loki’s hole.
Maybe Anthony asked a question—Loki didn’t know. It didn’t matter. He knew that his opinion wouldn’t be listened to, regardless. It would end when it ended, when it ended, when it ended—
“—Loki, Loki!”
Loki shook his head, and saw that Anthony was looking at him.
“Okay no, you’re not okay.”
Anthony sounded worried.
He moved quickly, his hands no longer on Loki’s cock, moving instead to where Loki’s arms were up above his head. And the moment the cuffs came off—
Loki pulled his hands down immediately, and scurried back against the headboard, knees to his chest. He felt like he was slamming back down inside of himself, the sensation leaving him dizzy. His gaze flicked around the room—and when Anthony tried to come closer, Loki hissed at him.
“You should have known better than to try and put me in chains,” Loki said, infusing his voice with as much haughty arrogance as he could, trying to hide the embarrassment he was suffering from the way he had simply frozen. He should have fought back—he always fought back. “I am a god, and none of your devices are able to hold me.”
Anthony’s expression almost looked like he was scared, now. But why?
“Then why didn’t you?” Anthony asked—almost begging for an answer. That was odd as well. Hadn’t he wanted Loki to be the one to beg? “Loki, if you didn’t like it, why didn’t you break the cuffs? Hell, why didn’t you use the safeword?”
“I’m not an idiot, I have been through this before,” Loki snapped back. “I know that if I break the cuffs, you will only find stronger ones. It is better that I—” He stopped himself, realising that he was about to tell the person who had cuffed him that it was better he kept his abilities to himself, so that he could more easily escape at the opportune moment.
But… this was Anthony. Ever since they had come together, ever since simple fucking had turned into something with feelings, Loki had never tried to hide anything from him. Anthony knew what Loki could do.
Anthony was the person he trusted most in the world.
Loki’s eyes suddenly widened, and he looked up to meet Anthony’s frankly terrified gaze.
“Oh,” he whispered.
“Loki?” Anthony asked. “I swear, I only wanted you to enjoy that. I thought—well, clearly I thought wrong—what do you mean that you’ve been through this before?”
“I don’t like being tied up,” Loki said, the words barely more than a breath. “It brings back… memories.”
“But you… you didn’t use your safeword.” The words were a whispered plea.
“I didn’t think of it,” Loki replied. “I didn’t think of anything, really.”
“Loki, please. What do you need me to do?” Anthony sounded strained, and honestly, Loki wished that he could reach across the gap between them and draw him into his arms, to tell him that all was forgiven, that everything was okay. But he... couldn’t.
Because it wasn’t.
“I think that I would like to be alone,” Loki whispered, curling in on himself a little more.
“All right,” Anthony said, his voice a little choked. “I’ll, uh. I’ll be in the living room, okay? Come out whenever you’re ready. However long that takes.”
Loki heard the door snap closed, and he buried his face into his knees, trying to convince himself that he was still safe.
*
Loki couldn’t have said how much time passed before he felt ready, but it had to have been a fairly substantial amount. It was long enough that the previously setting sun had fallen all the way below the horizon, the few visible stars glittering in the sky above the city.
He had dressed in clothes that made him feel comfortable, in his own sleep pants and one of Anthony’s long-sleeved shirts. They were loose-fitting, but not revealing.
When he made it out to the living room, his hands twisting together into knots, he found Anthony sitting on the couch and staring at a phone that lay on the coffee table.
Loki opened his mouth, but found himself somewhat unsure of what to say. And so, instead, he purposefully knocked into the side of the couch as he walked around it, causing Anthony to look up in a hurry.
“Loki,” he breathed. “Are you—all right?”
The question was a hesitation—and of course it was, because the answer should have been obvious. But the intention behind the asking was clear, and so Loki tried to keep his voice low and smooth.
“I am... better,” he allowed.
Anthony let out a breath—but then drew it in again as he noticed Loki glancing at the phone.
“I didn’t call anyone,” Anthonny said immediately, as if he knew what Loki was thinking. “I thought about it, because I didn’t know what to do—but I knew you wouldn’t appreciate it. I, um. I did some Googling instead.”
Loki’s gaze landed on Anthony before flicking away again. Despite them both trying to talk about it, it felt like there was a bilgesnipe in the room, its hulking, stinking presence looming over them. “What did you learn?”
“That I’m an idiot,” Anthony said. “Loki, I am so sorry. I should have talked to you about what I wanted to do, so that you knew before I just darted right in. I thought it would be all right, because you could have broken those cuffs and we have a safeword. But it wasn’t, and I am so fucking sorry.”
“It’s not your fault,” Loki said—but before he could continue, Anthony was shaking his head.
“I’m the one who did it. I’m the one who cuffed you, without asking, god, I basically—”
“Stop,” Loki snapped. “Anthony, this is not helping. I accept your apology, but if you just start attacking yourself and making it so that you’re the victim—”
“Is that what you think I’m doing?”
“Isn’t it? I should have told you long ago that I don’t like being restrained. This is my fault just as much as it is yours, and ignoring that fact is akin to ignoring half the problem.”
Loki’s now extensive experience of studying Anthony’s face told him that Anthony didn’t agree with him in the slightest—but he did, at least, acquiesce.
“Then let’s work on this together,” Anthony said. “Right now, or whenever you’re ready—but before the next time we have sex. Let’s work out a list of what we like, and what we don’t like, so that something like this never happens again.”
That, at least, was something Loki could get behind—and it gave him enough hope that he felt able to make a joke.
“Before we next have sex?” he asked. “Then perhaps we had better get on to this as soon as possible.”
Anthony laughed, and then – after double checking with Loki that he really was up for it, he collected some paper and a couple of pens.
First of all, they made lists of the things that they did not want to do, the things that made them uncomfortable. Loki didn’t like to be tied down, cuffed, collared, anything that involved restraints similar to what had been forced on him in the past. He didn’t like to be put in any kind of position where he lost all control, and… he didn’t like to be forced to his knees. The memories those things held were too prevalent, too painful.
Anthony, meanwhile, gave Loki a list of his own. He didn’t like for his chest to be touched, and didn’t like sex in the shower. Anthony also would prefer it if they didn’t engage in activities where they physically harmed one another.
“We’ve fought enough on the battlefield,” he said, his smile rather small. “Let’s just keep the violence there.”
Loki agreed to that one by leaning in to press a kiss to Anthony’s cheek.
“I do want to make something clear,” Loki said, leaning back slightly but keeping his tone light. “It was not you taking charge that I have issue with.”
Anthony frowned, and Loki mourned the loss of the smile. “What do you mean?”
“I didn’t like how you went about it, as you know. But if you want to take charge in other ways… well, that I think I might enjoy.”
Shifting on his seat, Anthony considered Loki with a new gleam in his eye. “Lokes, are you saying that you actually want me to take charge in the bedroom?”
“So long as you don’t restrain me.” Loki gave a shrug. “Perhaps it’ll be a struggle for an unimaginative mortal such as yourself, but I’m sure you’ll be able to come up with something.”
“Is that a challenge?”
Loki smirked. “It just might be.”
Positively grinning with the prospect of a new puzzle, Anthony immediately turned to a new page in his note-pad so that they could begin writing a new list—one that Loki enjoyed the making of far more.
As they talked about the things they wanted to do with one another, the things that they were both more than comfortable with, they shifted closer on the couch until Loki was happily lying in Anthony’s lap and enjoying the way that Anthony’s fingers ran through his hair, feeling that familiar and welcome spark of happiness.
Things weren’t perfect, but… Loki knew that they could be.
The experience of that evening had been horrible and certainly not one that Loki wanted to repeat, now he knew that he wouldn’t. Because even though it was hard, even though it hurt, they had both taken a leap and had learned some valuable lessons.
And you know what? In that moment, there was no place Loki would rather be than right there, having that difficult conversation with Anthony.
For it meant that they could move forward together, and for that Loki would give up the world.