Chapter Text
*Nightwing has added Red Hood to BatFam*
Nightwing- Don’t leave
Red Hood- Suck it dickhead
*Red Hood has left BatFam*
Red Robin- That lasted longer than I thought
Nightwing- Shut up
*Nightwing has added Red Hood to BatFam*
*Nightwing has locked all members in BatFam*
Red Hood- Bitch
Nightwing- Antisocial heathen
Red Hood- Still too much of a daddy’s boy to curse?
Nightwing- Says the bitch who was such a mama’s boy that it got him killed
Red Hood- Yikes, who pissed in your fruit loops?
Nightwing- You’d know if you waited two minutes for me to explain why I added your sorry ass
Red Hood- Wait, how’d you get my number?
Nightwing- Don’t worry about it
Blackbat- I was forced, sorry Hood
Nightwing- Tattle tale
Red Robin- Listen, can you guys fight after we find Robin?
Red Hood- Robin’s missing?
Red Robin- As of two days ago
Red Hood- Any clues?
Red Robin- None, he was gone before 3 am on Monday, no sensors tripped, no fights beforehand, no Arkham break
Red Hood- Where are his pets?
Red Robin- Still at the manor
Red Hood- Phone, laptop, anything trackable?
Red Robin- All left in his room
Red Hood- Gimme 15 minutes
Nightwing- We’ve been floundering for two days, and you think 15 minutes will do anything?
Red Hood- I have resources that you guys don’t
Nightwing- Like what? Harley’s number?
Red Hood- Yes but that’s not what I’m talking about, just wait a damn second
Nightwing- Anything?
Red Hood- Talia’s got him, they’re in the Amazon so he can poke a tree frog
Nightwing- Why the fuck do you have Talia’s number??
Red Hood- I’m her Gotham contact
Red Robin- Why?
Red Hood- She wanted to make sure Bruce didn’t lose his shit with Robin
Nightwing- So she asked the resident psycho to keep him safe?
Batman- Lose my shit? Over what
Red Hood- Gotta go, he’ll be back on Friday, forge a doctor’s note or something for school, he’s ahead of classes anyways
Blackbat- Bye Hood!
Red Hood- Bye
*Red Hood has unlocked all members in BatFam*
*Red Hood has left BatFam*
Spoiler- How’d he do that?
Red Robin- The hacking or the Talia thing?
Spoiler- Yes
Red Robin- He had Robin training, and whatever Talia signed him up for, it makes sense that he’d know how to hack a simple program
Spoiler- Fair, but what about the whole “Talia’s Gotham contact”
Red Robin- Talia’s entire livelihood is based around distrust, especially when it’s about Robin’s wellbeing in the hands of someone else. It’d be odd if that changed just because he’s living with B
Blackbat- It also helps that she had Jason partially train Robin in the League, he holds authority over the little terror in their hierarchy despite lack of shared blood
Nightwing- How do you know all that?
Blackbat- There’s a reason I had his number when no one else did
Batman- How long have you been in contact with him?
Blackbat- He was in the League when I was, I’ve known him for longer than I’ve known you
Batman- And you saw no reason to mention this?
Blackbat- I wasn’t sure of his true identity until you all were, I simple knew him as the Prince’s Guard until we reconnected
Spoiler- Weird to think that Robin was treated as a Prince for so long
Red Robin- It’s weird until you live with the brat, and he demands to be called by his “true title” at 5:30 am
Spoiler- And that is why I live alone
Blackbat- We literally live together
Spoiler- Oh yeah
Nightwing- I think I’m the only one in this chat who actually lives alone
Red Robin- I have my own apartment, I just wasn’t allowed to leave because B is a huge worrywort
Batman- You had 3 stab wounds
Red Robin- And? They were stitched up
Batman- After you passed out from blood loss
Red Robin- Semantics
Oracle- It’s a wonder any of you are alive
Red Robin- I’m pretty sure most of us have technically died
Spoiler- Don’t forget your missing spleen, you will never be whole again
Batman- Can all of you just stay whole please? Is that too much to ask?
Red Robin- Yes
Nightwing- I’m still in one piece!
Batman- I’ve paid for enough of your replacement teeth to know that’s not true
Nightwing- Hypocrite
Bluebat- Whoa, just got off work and what the hell? Can we go back to talking about Red Hood? Is he a good guy or a bad guy? Can we trust him? I know RR said it wasn’t a big deal for him to hack out of this, but RR literally made this, so shouldn’t it be safe?
Nightwing- He’s kinda good kinda not?
Blackbat- Morally grey describes him pretty well
Red Robin- He won’t attack unless we’re in Crime Alley, because it would look hella suspicious if he let us stay
Honorary Baby Bat- Doesn’t most of Gotham love the BAts though?
Spoiler- Crime Alley’s different, everyone there is doing something at least slightly illegal, so seeing anyone even slightly police adjacent is cause for alarm. Red Hood is doing his best to cull all of the really bad shit, like child prostitutes and sex trade rings. He’s the reason Black Mask is in Arkham right now
Signal- He also helps out when we have Arkham breakouts, we just have to stay on our side to keep the peace, and expect a little blood
Honorary Baby Bat- Fair enough I guess
Bluebat- Why do we never see him then?
Batman- The divide is kept on both sides unless absolutely necessary, it would look bad if we let a known murderer wander out of Crime Alley
Signal- Then why was Arsenal hanging out in Crime Alley last week?
Nightwing- Arsenal was where?
Signal- I heard that he was hanging out with Red Hood last week in Crime Alley
Nightwing- I’m going to kill him
Red Robin- Why?
Nightwing- They used to team up together in the Outlaws before Arsenal needed to take care of mini Arsenal, apparently they got a little “wild” with Starfire, Arsenal wouldn’t shut up about their “missions” together
Red Robin- Holy shit, Red Hood was banging your best friend
Blackbat- He also had “relations” with Deathstroke
Spoiler- I thought Nightwing fucked Deathstroke?
Red Robin- They both did
Nightwing- I never had sex with Deathstroke!
Batman- That’s not what you told me
Nightwing- I was just trying to piss you off, we never actually did shit
Oracle- I think the important lesson here is all of B’s sons are lowkey sluts
Red Robin- Rude
Spoiler- You literally went from me to Superboy in the same day
Red Robin- You said we were cool!
Spoiler- That doesn’t mean you go screw a clone!
Batman- You did what now with the clone?
Nightwing- Don’t forget Wondergirl
Spoiler- Which one?
Red Robin- Not important
Nightwing- Both probably
Oracle- Do we need to talk about you, Nightwing? I can spill all of your dirt right now
Nightwing- Shhh
Oracle- How about we talk about Kid Flash? Or Starfire?
Nightwing- Can we not?
Red Robin- Damn, you and Red Hood share a couple of exes, huh?
Nightwing- I don’t want to think about that
Batman- Neither do I