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As a wandering traveler, Kazuha has had his fair share of strange and wacky companions. But if you asked him who the strangest of the bunch was, Kazuha would tell you right away that it would be Tomo.
Tomo was always... an odd fellow. That's the first impression you would get from him.
From his messy ponytail that looked like a bush to his white cat, tucked safely into his ripped haori, Kazuha knew he was going to be in for a long ride.
His wild grin and careless nature didn't make it any better.
The first time they saw each other, Tomo was yelling at a merchant on the roadside about his pricing for his goods. Kazuha thought nothing of it and continued on his path, though that red haori and the bushy ponytail left a particular impression in his mind-- especially the white cat that rubbed against the stranger's leg.
The next day, Kazuha walked out of the inn he was staying at, and a certain man in a red haori caught his eye. He was checking out of the inn at the reception.
Again, Kazuha didn't pay much mind, and checked out of the inn.
Kazuha saw him again the next day.
And again the next day. He was now yelling at another merchant for his high prices.
So as any normal and sane human being would do, Kazuha walked right up to merchant's stand and started to barter for Tomo.
Unfortunately, that was the start of their friendship.
And it would stain Kazuha's once-pure mind forever.
It all started when Kazuha discovered Tomo's shrine for the Raiden Shogun...
The treasure hoarder falls to the ground with a yelp. The traveler sheaths his sword, putting his hands on his hips.
"Aah! No, no! Do what you want, but please, don't brand my forehead, please!"
"Hmm... he has preserved to the bitter end, and now death looms near... yet still, the gods do not bestow their favor upon him..." Kazuha sighs. "...Put down the Vision and leave. I've changed my mind... No further punishment for you."
The treasure hoarder stopped cowering. "Huh?"
Kazuha stared down at the treasure hoarder. "What's wrong? Are you asking for more punishment? It's up to you. Such willingness is commendable and fits the way of the samurai."
The treasure hoarder stands up, trembling. "N-No, no need for that. Thank you for releasing me. You truly are generous!"
Turning on his heels, the treasure hoarder scrambles away, sand and water flying in his wake. He trips over his feet and smashes headfirst into the ocean, then crawls up again and dashes away.
"Huh, Paimon doesn't get it. Were you just trying to scare him?" Paimon asks.
Kazuha looks at the Vision in his hand. "I take no pleasure in frightening others. I was just testing all possibilities while the Vision remained in his hands."
The traveler blinks in confusion. Kazuha clears his throat and attempts to explain further.
"When people are forced into a corner, that is when their greatest strength will appear. I thought it may be an opportunity for him to awaken the Vision." Kazuha shook his head. "But unfortunately, nothing happened."
"So you were planning this all along?" The traveler said, looking unimpressed.
"Yes, I wanted to know whether it were possible for an extinguished Vision to be reawakened. From the moment he stole the Vision, I decided to use him for this experiment." Kazuha looked out to the sea. He can still hear the treasure hoarder grunting as he ran. "I have tried many other methods in the past. Though few tales tell of a "masterless Vision reawakening"... After seeing you command multiple elements, I figured that nothing is impossible."
Paimon and the traveler looked at each other.
Kazuha held the Vision out to the traveler. "Come, why don't you give it a try? Let's see if you can give me the answer I'm hoping for."
"I'll try..." The traveler took the Vision.
They all stared at it for a moment. The Vision remained pearly white.
"Hmm, the Vision didn't seem to respond at all..." Paimon said thoughtfully.
Kazuha sighed, and took the Vision back. "I see... So you are also unable to rekindle the Vision... No matter, this was expected. I suppose this Vision is still mine to take for now."
"Kazuha, why are you so attached to this Vision?" The traveler asks.
Kazuha freezes. "...Pardon?"
"Yeah! What's the story behind this Vision, anyways?" Paimon puts her hands on her hips.
Kazuha smiles painfully. The memories of that day are still fresh in his mind...
"Hey, you!" Tomo points up at the Raiden Shogun. "You're hot!"
"It was... it was my friend's Vision. He... er... died."
"Um..." Tomo laughs nervously. "It's not what it looks like."
Kazuha stared, because that's all he could do-- he wasn't sure what to make of the mess in front of him.
A little cave made of rocks, with little figurines of the Raiden Shogun littered all around it. A few candles are lit and are laid in a circle around the shrine.
A framed picture of the Shogun is placed on top of the rock cave.
There's a little note next to the picture-- "YOU WILL COME HOME, BAAL". Kazuha has no idea what it means.
Kazuha blinked, slowly turned around, and ran off at a dead sprint.
"Wait! Holy shit! You get back here!" Kazuha could hear Tomo's footsteps behind him as he ran. He wanted to get the fuck away from that shrine as fast as possible. There was something alluring to it, and Kazuha wanted nothing to do with it.
"Please! I promise I can explain!"
Kazuha only stopped when he got to a grove of trees that was far away from that... shrine. "Explain, then."
Tomo smiled awkwardly. "Uh... I just... really like the Raiden Shogun?"
"An obsessed crush, more like."
"Ahaha... yeah. Please don't run away?"
Kazuha crosses his arms. "Fine."
Tomo grins. "Yay!"
"Traveler... do you know what it means for someone to 'come home'?"
The traveler stops what he was doing. "Uh..."
Paimon and the traveler looks at each other. Again.
The traveler laughs awkwardly. "It's hard to explain..."
"Um... like... the traveler has a traveling group, yeah, you know?" Paimon attempts to explain. "It's like... when you want to add someone to your traveling group? Really really badly?"
"Oh," Kazuha searches his memories. Tomo wanted to add... the fucking Raiden Shogun to his party? "I... see."
Well, great. Another thing to wonder about.
And why did the traveler look so flustered?
"Do you have any more of these?"
Kazuha is getting secondhand embarrassment. MAJOR secondhand embarrassment. Even the wandering merchant looks slightly scared.
Tomo only gives the merchant a grin as he forks over more mora, the poor little figurines of the Raiden Shogun being shoved into his bag one after another.
Kazuha sighs on his rock and buries his face into his hands. Tomo is a pretty agreeable fellow until he starts doing this...
"Wow! You have a lot? Can I take all of them? I'll pay you mora, I mean!"
Kazuha opens his eyes to Tomo shoving what looks like a literal ball of Raiden Shogun figures into his bag. The merchant looks utterly terrified... if not horrified.
Kazuha smiles apologetically at the merchant, who looks like he just wants to melt into the floor.
"Alright! Cmon, Kazuha! We have to hurry up or the inn's going to be all booked up!" Tomo somehow manages to zip his bag and waves at Kazuha as if nothing's wrong.
"'Kay... coming," Kazuha says weakly.
-
Tomo hums as he places the little figures of the Raiden Shogun all around the room in the inn. Kazuha lies on the bed, staring at the ceiling, trying to ignore the figurines that Tomo nestled into the pillowcases.
Tomo does this every time they check into inns or hotels-- and the next morning, the figurines would all magically disappear by the time Kazuha woke up, all packed back into Tomo's bag, ready to be taken to another hotel or inn.
"Oh! You're falling over! I'm sorry, I promise I won't knock you over again!" Tomo says, patting the head of a figurine with his finger.
Kazuha internally screams.
"Could you tell me about Inazuma?" The traveler asks.
"Certainly," Kazuha nods. "It is a beautiful land of nature and scenery. One could even argue that its beauty could be compared to the scenery of Liyue Harbor, but personally, I find the mountains and cliffs of Liyue Harbor much more pleasing. But beneath all that beauty..." Kazuha sighs.
"Is what?" The traveler seems interested.
Is piles upon piles of Raiden Shogun figurines and summoning circles for Baal, Kazuha thinks to himself.
"Ahaha... I think you can tell from context alone," Kazuha smiles painfully. The traveler nods, despite looking a little disappointed, puts a hand on Kazuha's shoulder to try and comfort him.
Paimon snores on a table. The Alcor rocks gently in the night breeze, and they listen to the water splashing onto the ship below, as the rest of the crew chats merrily to themselves.
Some seagulls fly overhead, cawing relentlessly. "Farewell, dear gulls, please calm your cries," Kazuha calls to them. "From this day forth, I am a wanderer once more."
"Er... tell me more about your friend," The traveler said, trying to make conversation.
That's the worst question you could've asked me, Kazuha thinks as he struggles to keep the smile on his face.
"He was a friend that left a particularly deep impression on me," Kazuha said, sitting down at the edge of the ship. "He was reckless, but with good intentions, and above all else, a passion for his goals." Which is to be fucked by the Raiden Shogun.
"One day, he asked me about the Musou no Hitotachi. It is the Raiden Shogun's ultimate skill that can only be witnessed when divine punishment is administered, I told him. But he replied, "There must be one who can withstand it."
"Divine punishment, huh?" Tomo's eyes were practically glowing. "What kind of divine punishment, I wonder... hehe..."
"Tomo, you're being horny again," Kazuha sighs. "Don't tell me you're planning to go all the way over to Tenshukaku to commit some kind of war crime?"
"There must be one who can withstand it," Tomo whispered with a manic grin. "I'm going to challenge the Raiden Shogun."
"Tomo, no--"
"Sooner or later. It appears we should part ways, Kaedehara. I'll see you soon, preferably after I experience this 'divine punishment'~"
"After that, we parted ways. Soon after, the Vision Hunt Decree arrived. People's aspirations were stripped away as the Raiden Shogun began to construct her ideal of eternity."
"While I was fleeing from place to place, I heard that my friend had challenged the Vision Hunters to a duel before the throne. The defeated face divine punishment, while the victors gain a second chance... Perhaps he thought he of all people should make a stand... coming face to face with the Musou no Hitotachi was all that he truly desired, after all."
That little bitch... what is he doing now?
Tenshukaku is coming into sight. A flash of purple light darkened the skies, as it began to rain...
The Raiden Shogun is angry... furious, even.
Would Kazuha make it there in time? He doubted it.
"When I arrived at Tenshukaku the duel was over," Kazuha sighed. The traveler's face changed as he realized what had happened. "I heard his sentence of divine punishment, his severed blade hitting the ground. Perhaps that was the glory he had yearned to witness."
"Oh... I'm so sorry," The traveler says. "If you want to talk, I'm here."
"Do not let my feelings trouble you," Kazuha said, looking out over the waters. "But thank you."
What are Kazuha's eyes seeing right now?
The Raiden Shogun is standing with one foot on Tomo's face, and her sword is... coming out of... her chest?
Tomo looks absolutely out of it right now. Oh Archons. His face will be burned into Kazuha's memory forever... Those eyes... those absolute spanking horny eyes...
Pulling the sword out of... her chest... the Raiden Shogun raises her sword into the air. Tomo grins.
"Hey, you!" Tomo points up at the Raiden Shogun. "You're hot!"
Kujou Sara, the right hand woman of the Raiden Shogun, buries her face into her hands.
The Shogun makes such an offended expression, that if Kazuha was feeling in the mood right now, he'd probably laugh.
Tomo, the madlad, grins, and... fucking... grabs the Raiden Shogun's thighs.
"Please just kill him already," Kujou Sara whispers through her hands.
"If you're gonna do it, do it harder," Tomo says, still grinning.
"...Any last words?" The Shogun says, looking utterly disgusted.
"Your ass is really fun to look at right now. Crush me with--"
At that point, Kazuha has had enough. Reaching out to grab Tomo's Vision on the ground, he turned and ran for his life and his innocence.
"Tell me more about the Raiden Shogun," The traveler says as Paimon eats up nearly all of the ship's food stock.
"Well, she is a powerful ruler and is very skilled with the blade," Kazuha says. "Her signature technique, the Musou no Hitotachi, is the most difficult sword art in the world ever invented. No human being could stand using it-- only an immortal being like her could even withstand the strength of it. Do you want me to describe it in detail?"
The traveler nods enthusiastically.
Kazuha wants to die. Right here. Right now. Maybe he could just lean back and fall into the water behind him. "Well, she starts by pulling her sword out of her ch- Traveler, where are you going?"
The traveler had leapt up from his chair, and threw himself overboard off the ship. Kazuha and Paimon stared as the traveler started to swim away from the ship.
"Cya! I'm going to Inazuma to see the booba sword for myself!"
A week later, Beidou came back aboard the Alcor with a stack of newspapers for the crew to read.
The headline read, [Unknown Traveler from Liyue challenges the Raiden Shogun, loses spectacularly!]
Kazuha buried his head in his hands and screamed for the second time in his life.