Chapter Text
“Have you already decided who you want to stay with?”
Ain’t that a great question.
There’s so many factors going into the choice that, even now that I’m supposed to make it, I’m not sure how to respond to that.
I don’t get to respond, though, before Joshua fills in for me – chuckling, in contrast to how he’s been acting up until now. “Maybe I should rephrase, actually. Who have you chosen to stay with, and why is it Tyler?”
Tyler?
“Wait, huh?”
He arches a brow, arms crossed. “Yes, Tyler. It’s the most logical choice, isn’t it? He’s the one with an actual house with spare rooms, you can stay out of each other’s hair, and he’s easygoing enough to make for a good roommate. If I had to choose, I’d choose him, at least.”
He has a point, actually. Out of those three, staying with Tyler would probably be the most pleasant experience for me, going off of comfort alone – he’s very nice, and even though I’m not quite as into video games as he is, we could play stuff together when we have free time. Besides, there’s just something about him that I feel I should be investigating further – how he seems to get paralyzed when it comes to talking to people he doesn’t know… it’s pretty strange, because he didn’t used to be like that. Maybe I could help with that.
“…no, actually.” But he isn’t my choice.
“Hm.” With his arms still crossed, Joshua looks down and scratches his cheek. “Brett, then? His apartment is small and in a not-so-nice part of town, but he’s pretty agreeable so staying with him would probably be entertaining. Besides, I… could probably send him money to pay for the higher utility bills if necessary. I could shoulder the cost.”
Brett wouldn’t be my first choice, for sure. It isn’t just the fact that his apartment is like that, because Brett is so easygoing that I would probably enjoy living with him. We don’t share much in the way of hobbies, but I could probably learn a few things about him… and, actually, the fact that he’s still living there worries me. All the trembling he did the times we saw each other, too… that worries me. Something is going on. Maybe I could help with that.
“…yeah, nah, still not him. He’s cool, but nah.” But he isn’t my choice.
Joshua furrows his brow for a few seconds, taking a deep breath. After a bit, he arches his brows in a face that is equal parts concern and disappointment. “…Michael, then? Well… my own personal misgivings with him aside, I suppose he’d be entertaining to live with… and his apartment is nice enough.”
That’s some pretty harsh emotion I feel under Joshua’s words. He’s right, Michael would be entertaining to live with – he’s an absolute riot when he manages to stay calm, and his apartment is pretty nice, all things considered. That’s the key thing, though – when he manages to stay calm, and, from what I’ve seen, he apparently can’t do that a lot nowadays. That explosion of anger and emotion today was… something else. I’ve never seen him so angry, and I sure have never seen him breaking things like that. There’s something very wrong there. Maybe I could help with that.
…
Maybe…
…
Well… how do I say this? How do I tell him? I feel my silence speaks a thousand words – his brow softens, and he’s left just staring at me directly. I can see his lower lip tremble a bit, like he wants to speak but at the same time doesn’t… is this really the right choice?
I take a deep breath. “Actually… yeah.”
He blinks.
“I’m sorry, Joshua.”
He blinks again, shaking his head. “No. I told you, my personal misgivings with him aside, you can choose whatever you wish.” He crosses his arms and nods. “Alright, shoot him a message telling him you’re going there.”
That was… easier than I expected. Though, then again, I guess I shouldn’t have expected Joshua to really react negatively… Michael is still a friend, in the end, and he wouldn’t say no to me wanting to spend time with him.
No matter whatever it is that’s happened here while I’ve been gone. I’m still curious about that.
Joshua starts walking. “All your things are in your bag, right? You don’t need to pack anything.”
“Yeah.”
“Right. Tell them who you’re staying with, and I’ll drive you there.” He fetches his keys. “I’ll be waiting in the car.”
I really can’t read Joshua right now. I can’t tell if he’s disappointed or not, but…
…but I guess ultimately it’s none of his business, huh?
…
That’s a bitter thought.
I fish my phone out of my pocket to send a few messages.
‘I’m not staying at your house, sorry’
‘I’m staying with Michael’
The same message for Brett and Tyler. Brett is the first one to reply.
‘ok!’
‘have fun there dude!’
Tyler follows shortly after.
‘ooo ok :)’
I see him typing, but it’s like he deletes what he was writing right after, and then he goes offline. Huh.
One more round of messages to be sent…
‘Hey’
‘I made my choice and want to stay over at your place’
‘It’s no bother right?’
I send Michael these messages.
It takes a few minutes for him to read them. Then, he starts typing… and stops. And then, he starts again, and I finally receive messages.
‘wat’
Well.
‘I want to stay with you Michael’
A few moments.
‘why’
…
‘Should I ask someone else?’
‘no dude its ok im just confused’
‘but ok sure yea come over’
‘ur coming over tonight right’
‘Yeah Joshua is driving me there’
‘aight’
And that’s the end of that. He was confused that I wanted to stay with him? I… I don’t know what to say to that.
I grab my bags and head towards the garage. The lights are on, and I see Joshua is sitting in the car. I move over to his door… he’s leaning back on the chair with his eyes closed. I tap on the glass. He opens his eyes, looks at me, and with the pull of something inside the car, the trunk opens. I move my bags back there, and, as I’m putting the first one in, he comes out of the car and helps me put the other one inside as well. He closes the trunk and walks back to his door. The passenger side door is open now, and I climb in.
He takes a deep breath with his eyes closed.
“Hey, are you alright?”
He looks at me. “Yeah.”
“I’m just asking—”
But he just turns to his seatbelt, puts it on and turns the car on. “It’s fine.”
I really hate how hard he is to read. I can feel that he’s bothered, but I can’t tell much more than that. I grab my seatbelt and put it on as well. The garage doors open and we drive out.
It doesn’t take long for us to reach Michael’s apartment building. He should be waiting for me already, right? Looking up, I see the lights on his floor on…
The trunk of the car opens again, and when I turn to look at Joshua, I see he pulled some lever to the side of his seat. “Well, have fun living with him.”
“Josh…”
He looks at me and gives me a gentle smile. “Just go, yeah? Have fun.”
…
I undo my seatbelt, open the car door and step out. I head to the trunk and grab my bags, taking them out, closing it. I go over to the entrance to the apartment building… and look back at Joshua one last time. He just waves at me.
I turn back to the door and push the intercom of his apartment. The answer is almost immediate – and it’s his voice. “Dude?”
“Yeah.”
The door buzzes. I enter, dragging my bags with me.
…
As I stare up at the flights of stairs, I realize how heavy my bags are and how daunting this task feels. Fuck. When I visited his house yesterday I could camouflage my exhaustion a bit because I just had to run up five flights of stairs on their own – but now I have bags with basically all my belongings with me. Fuck.
Nothing to do but confront the situation…
…
This is embarrassing. I arrive at the fifth floor, still whole, probably, but my arms are killing me and I need to wait and recover a few moments. I really need to get into fitness one way or another. I ring the doorbell to Michael’s apartment – whatever, he’s probably going to make fun of me for feeling so bad physically, but he can deal with it.
It’s like something falls inside the apartment as I ring the doorbell. It sounds like he scurries towards the door, and then it opens. Inside, I’m greeted by the sight of Michael with his arms up, tying his hair back into his regular top knot – maybe he had it down – and wearing some sweatpants… and no shirt.
A nice homecoming gift, if I do say so myself.
…
What is wrong with you, James?
“Uh. ‘Sup, dude.” Michael nods at me.
“Hi…” I take a deep breath, still feeling a bit out of it.
His vision drifts down towards my bags. “…shit, I probably should have gone and helped you with the bags and shit, huh?”
“You’d need to put a shirt on first.”
He looks down. “Right.” He looks back up at me. “Uh. So, ya wanna come inside or just standing there’s good for you?”
I roll my eyes and step into the apartment, pulling my bags with me.
“Wow, you look like shit.”
“Gee, thanks, Michael.”
He chuckles as he closes the door. “Not shocked, though. Having to carry those fucking bags up the five flights of stairs doesn’t sound easy. Specially with your noodle arms… heaviest shit you’ve lifted are like, easels and palettes, right?”
“Maybe…”
“Oh, uh, where the fuck is it that you’re gonna sleep?”
I open one of the bags and pull out a rolled-up mattress… “Unless you want me to sleep on the couch, I have this.”
He crosses his arms and thinks a bit. “Aight, yeah, that’ll work. Just put that in my bedroom floor and I’ll give you a blanket or some shit. A pillow too, right.”
I didn’t anticipate having to sleep in his room… but it’s probably for the best. Probably warmer there and all.
Michael goes on ahead, but as he comes to the hallway, he stops, putting his hands behind his head. He takes a deep breath, seeming some mixture of exasperated and defeated… then looks around, gesturing towards me with his hands. “Look.”
“Huh?”
“I…” He squints and grimaces, like what he’s about to do is going to be very difficult… “I’m sorry about today.”
“…huh.”
“Like…” He scratches the back of his head. “Whole fucking point of the party was to celebrate that you were done with your art degree and shit, and then it ended like… that. Just… I’m sorry that I caused all that fucking scene.”
Well, this is interesting. I wasn’t expecting him to apologize for that – I was thinking I might have to force an apology out of him at some point. Hell, I wasn’t expecting it to happen so soon either. “Well, I accept it.”
It’s like some tension melts away from him.
“But… what even happened there? Why?”
He closes his eyes and thinks for a few seconds. “…Joshua pisses me off sometimes.”
“Why? I don’t remember him doing anything to actually cause… all that.”
Michael frowns, and it almost feels like he’s getting annoyed again, but… he just gives me a tired look. “You wouldn’t get it.” He shakes his head. “Fuckin’ late anyways. Best if we just go to sleep, aight? I’ll get the room ready.” And he turns again, heading back to his room.
I did feel something had to be up, but this is ominous. I take a step forward—
My phone vibrates in my pocket. I pull it out and check… it’s a message from Joshua.
‘did he apologize to you?’
That’s some timing. Was this something he was expecting?
‘He did’
‘Why?’
‘nothing. just wanted to know.’
Strange. I put my phone back in my pocket…
…and hear a car start up and accelerate outside.
…
There’s no way Joshua was just sitting there waiting to see if Michael apologized, right? I head to the window and move the curtain a bit, to look outside… but whatever car it is that made that noise is long gone by now. I don’t see anything on the streets, either.
“Hey, the fuck are ya doing?”
I look back to see Michael looking at me, puzzled. “Nothing. Just thought I heard something outside.”
“Ya wanted to leap out the window and catch it or some shit?”
I roll my eyes. “Let’s just go to the room.”
He smirks.
…
After some effort, my mattress is laid out on the ground. There’s a bedsheet on it and also a few blankets, along with a pillow. I guess I’ll have to unpack better later, but… for now I’m just tired.
Michael stretches and yawns. “Alright, done with everything. You already had dinner, right?”
“Yeah, Joshua cooked before I came here…”
“Good, ‘cause I don’t have shit to give to ya.” He chuckles. “Let’s just hit the hay then, I guess.”
I nod.
Michael heads to the door of his room and closes it. He takes the band out of his hair and lets it fall… I don’t think I’d ever seen how long his hair really is, reaching a bit past his neck. I also feel he looks great with his hair down like this – like it frames his features perfectly… he looks very handsome.
He arches an eyebrow, smirking at me. “Got something on my face?”
“Huh? No, nothing.”
“Sure.” Was I staring at him? “Oh, yeah, probs gonna sleep in these sweatpants the next few days and shit, since you’re here, but I usually don’t do that.”
“How do you sleep, then?”
“Underwear. Boxer briefs. Why put anything else on to sleep, you know? But I can’t go doing that with you around.”
“I wouldn’t mind.”
…
He turns to look at me, giving me a curious gaze. I’m glad I can pretend to be stoic because… wow, that thought left my lips a lot faster than it moved through my brain. What’s wrong with me today? “Sure, lemme put my fuckin’ bulge on your nose while you sleep while I’m at it.”
Oh God.
“Just go to sleep, Michael.”
He chuckles, flicking the light off. “Sure, mom.” I hear him yawn again. “Well, night.”
“Good night.”
I climb into my makeshift bed and can already feel exhaustion weighing my body down. I’m going to fall asleep very quickly. I look over at Michael… I can only make a handful of his features in the dim lighting, with the moonlight coming in through the window, but he’s walking towards his bed, for sure. It’s not very clear… but I think he’s kicking his sweatpants off before getting in.
Snug, red boxer briefs. I don’t know why I like the concept so much.
…
I just close my eyes and drift off to sleep…
…
I have no material form. I try to look at my hands but I see absolutely nothing – it’s like the signals that tell me to move my body are all there, but there’s no body to receive them. A plane, with infinite greyness stretching out in every direction. Featureless, but made of stone.
Light weeping catches my attention. I turn, and find the source – a spot of fiery red, orange and white somewhere in the distance. I walk to approach, and I’m met with the sight of a scared fox boy, on all fours, looking at the ground, apparently only in his underwear. I can’t tell his age. He’s slim and petite. I move closer, and the light weeping stops. He turns to look at me, bright green eyes peering into me… is this Michael? It hardly looks like him. The smooth, boyish face, and the big, expressive eyes…
I stretch a hand towards him. I can tell myself I’m doing as much, at least, but I don’t see any hand being stretched, or any arm. I try to speak – to ask who he is and if he needs any help.
The child frowns.
In an instant, steel bars emerge from the ground, surrounding him, like a cage. Sharpened blades, like razors, spin around him, slashing in every direction – if I had a physical body, I know they would have cut my face and my body pretty badly. A violent explosion, swirling hellfire emerging forward, with heat so intense I can feel it even in my bones, a tornado of flame with this boy at its epicenter…
…and it only lasts for a few moments. I can’t move anymore. The blades vanish, and the fire dissipates, leaving no smoke. And all I can do is stare as the fox boy, now laying on his side, curls in on himself, into a fetal position, and clenches his eyes shut, sobbing bitterly.
This whole area… feels hot. The air feels charged with static, like it could explode at any moment…
…and the landscape disappears.