Chapter Text
It was...
Warm.
He could feel... warmth?
Eren turned his head his eyebrows furrowing. He moved again but this time he could feel something brushing over his nose, he raised his hand to slap it away only to to stop as he could feel a hand brushing through his hair. He cracked open an eye and flinched.
Mikasa pulled her hand out of his hair, her scarf sliding over his face in the process. She straightened and stood over his sitting form at her full height - she was barely taller than him at this age. She looked over him questioningly. "Eren, are you okay?"
Okay? He wanted to scream at Ymir. He wanted to break into manic laughter, he wanted to cry and tear evrything apart. He wasn't sure what he was supposed to do! Heaven's Walls! What could he even do?
Eren could feel something inside of him shatter (further) at the thought that he couldn't do anything to change his predicament. All of this it was undoubtedly real. He was going to have to go through it all again. By wall Sina, he has to.. go through it all again...
He flinched when Mikasa suddenly crouched down and started wiping his cheek with her scarf, what was she- "Eren, why are you crying? It's all okay, I'm here."
Eren broke out of whatever trance he was in and pulled Mikasa closer. His hands were shaking as they clung tightly to the fabric of her shirt. He buried his face in the crook of her neck and bawled. The girl in his arms froze for a second before she reciprocated the hug.
Eren knew he was worrying her but Ymir damn it he didn't care. Because his sister was right here in his arms, nothing but affection for him in her eyes. She hasn't grown to resent him yet, she doesn't know, she doesn't know of anything that's yet to come.
In order to achieve his goals he had had to let go but this time... This time around he was going to hold on even tighter he decieded while unknowingly tightening his grip on Mikasa. Once he realized he slowly loosened it before letting his arms fall to his sides. "Mikasa, don't worry about me, I feel a lot better now." She didn't seem to believe him but nodded nonetheless.
Gathering their things they headed towards town. Mikasa bumped his shoulder. "Hey Eren, maybe you should talk to your dad."
He nearly stopped walking. What would he even say to his father? Hey dad I just woke up and my future self sorta merged with my past self?? My future conscious was sent to me through the paths? Eren honestly wasn't sure, the paths were weird like that. He'd either died and been send back or all his future knowledge and memories had been sent to his past self. Fuck maybe Ymir did it. Who knows at this point? Not him that's for sure.
Either way there was no way he could talk to his d- his dad. His dad would be eaten by him tomorrow. If he could have, if he had gotten his powers sooner he'd have been able to stop the attack on his home. He'd always felt some stupid guilt about it. Always thought if only it had been a day sooner. Except know he was in the past with all the future knowledge he'd need. He could change things. Eren felt hope bloom in his chest. When was the last time he had felt like this? He'd do it. He'd try to change the course of history and rewrite all his friends and family's tragedies. He has to talk to his dad as soon as possible.
"Once we get home I certainly will."
If Mikasa had been put of on how easily he seemed to agree with her today she wasn't letting it on.
The two of them turned once they heard someone call after them.
"Hello Mr. Hannes."
"Mikasa! I see you two have been hard at work again huh? How have ya been?"
Eren spoke without thinking. "Hannes you should refrain from drinking any more and check your gas tanks and gear again."
"What?"
"Nothing I just have a bad feeling. Stay safe."
...
Hannes stayed quiet as he watched the kids leave. He faintly heard one of his mates yell out. "What the fuck is wrong with the doctor's kid, that was ominous as fuck."
"Hah! As if, the boy is just trying to act cool. Don't you remember how he usually goes on about how "unprepared" we are? As if the Titans could harm us from within the walls."
Hannes turned to him with a laugh." You're probably right Pablo!" But something felt of about the whole situation. He glanced at the bottle in his hand before slowly setting it down.
...
Carla opened the door.
To find her son crying.
...
He could do this. He could face her. He'd do it no problem, here it goes.
Oh no fuck. No he couldn't do this. Why did he think he'd be able to do this!?
As soon as his mother opened the door Eren slammed in to her, wrapped his arms around her middle and buried his face in to her apron.
...
Taken a back by this unusual show of affection Carla takes a moment to process the situation before lifting her son in to her arms. Even more suprised when he clings to her like he used to when he was still so little. She'd expected Eren to protest demand he wasn't a baby or way to old for this. But when a minute passed and he didn't she instantly knew something was terribly wrong.
"Mikasa would you be so kind as to carry the fire wood inside?"
"S-sure."
Carla kicked the door close once Mikasa had carried both her and Eren's wood inside. That girl had always been strong for her age. "I got it from here Mika, thank you."
"Mrs. Jäger. Eren was crying earlier too."
"Earlier?"
"When we were on our way back we rested for a while and he fell asleep, he was crying when he woke up."
Carla put her hand on Mikasa's shoulder.
"I see. Thank you for telling me, dear."
"I should, gather the laundry-"
"I'll do it."
"Mika, honey no you're tired. Go rest. I'll call you for dinner."
Before Mikasa could answer, probably insist she was fine she was interrupted by Eren finally making a sound. "I'll help mom, Mikasa please get some rest."
The girl seemed to finally comply as she headed towards where her and Eren usually slept and shut the door.
Carla sat down and positioned her son comfortably in her lab. She started rubbing circles on his back and whispered soothing platitudes into his ear. If anything his crying increased. The tears seemingly infinite. How long had her son been bottleling all this up?
Eren had never acted like what Carla assumed a normal child acted like. As an only child with no other relatives beside her mother she'd never had much to go of of beside the kids she'd played with at his age and now the children of others. Still she'd been sure of it so she'd brought it up to her husband but Grisha had looked shocked as if he'd only been able to spot the difference once Carla pointed it out. As if he'd been enlightened and a cloth had been lifted of of his eyes.
He'd acted differently then. Made more time for Eren. Took him to work. Once or twice he'd joined the two of them outside for a picnick.
Eren continued to cry in her arms and her hold on him tightened.
Carla knew her son's eyes had always been dull, he'd been a quiet child who'd seemingly been apathetic towards evrything. Not seeing any value in engaging with other children. Before he'd finally found his first friend in the Arlerts son he'd been lonely. He might have never appeared depressed, seemingly fully content with just helping her around the house and exploring the nearby fields by himself but Carla had always been worried.
She'd done her best to find ways to bring life in to her son's eyes. While she occasionally succeeded by teaching him evrything from games to facts about plants or animals to showing him how to prepare her favourite family recipes, her success never lasted long. Her boy's eyes remained dull. That was until Armin Arlert had sparked a sort of passion she'd never seen in him before. She would forever remain in Armin's dept. When the poor boy's parents had been targeted by the government for their curiosity she'd invited Armin and his Grandfather to come over whenever they could.
Armin senior grateful of her and Grisha's attempts to lessen their financial burdens had thanked her one day and she had to stop him from going any further. They'd been sitting in the dinning room and if either of them had puffed eyes then neither of them mentioned it.
"Carla I know you and your husband have done so much for us already but we both know I'm old and sickly. I'll selfishly ask of you to grant this old man one last wish."
"Mr. Arlert, please. I'll help however I can."
"In the event that anything might happen to me please take care of my grandson. He gets along well with your boy, fine kid that one. Those two will look after eachother I just know it."
That had been about a year ago. And after Mikasa had joined their family both Eren and Armin while ever the passionate about their common interest finally started to act more like kids. That undoubtedly also proving to do good for Mikasa's own mental health. Eren had never been interested to go out and play before, Carla having to always drag him with her to the garden, fully afraid her son would die of vitamin D defiency from all the horror storys that Grisha told her but nowadays she'd struggle to locate all three of her kids to get them inside long enough to shove some food in their mouths. It was great.
So how long had Eren been relapsing? Was that what this was? Was it something else? Was there something troubling him she didnt know about? Worry gnawed at Carla and she buried her nose in her son's hair to breathe in his scent. She needed to calm down and figure out how to help her baby.
She was pulled out of her thoughts when her son spoke, his words vibrating against her shoulder where he had buried his face. The way his voice trembled broke her heart.
"Mom."
"Yes Eren?"
"I love you please never leave me."
Whatever Carla had expected her son to say it sure wasn't that. She could feel her own eyes wet with tears now. "I love you too bunny, I'd never leave you."
His tears seemed to finally subside as he lifted his head to finally look her in the eye. "You need to promise me mom. Promise me you'll never make me leave you either."
Carla couldn't imagine why her son would think she'd make him leave. Had she not paid enough attention to him? Was it because of how much stricter she'd gotten? A consequence of having three little rascals around the house enabling each other. There was no way that Eren was jealous of Mikasa, not when he had come to her a month ago to suggest she do garden work with Mikasa rather then him since she'd done it with her mother too and might feel more at home then.
Well Carla had spent less and less time with her son. Back when Eren still had trouble sozializing they'd spend practically evry minute together. But once Eren found a friend and his eyes had sparkled like the water in the river nearby on a clear day she'd been content to let him spend time with other people. In Erens eyes it might have looked like she'd lost all interest in him. So with that thought she took her son's hands in her own and made sure to meet his gaze just as determinedly as him.
"I promise."