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When Pei Ming first returns to the mortal realm after ascension, he’s greeted with a tackle and a punch to the face in that order.
“YOU FUCKER! YOU BASTARD!” Rong Guang yells, his second punch blocked by a much more prepared and much stronger Pei Ming. “ALL THIS TIME YOU HAD THE POWER TO ASCEND AND YOU DIDN’T TELL ME!”
“How was I supposed to know?” Pei Ming snaps back what he thinks is a fair question. Ascension is one of those big complicated questions of the world that everyone knew about, but no one actually knew about. Like the meaning of life. Or cats.
He still isn’t entirely sure what happened. One moment he had been fighting with Rong Guang about his imminent rebellion. Then in a fit of anger and determination (“NO MEANS NO!”) he snapped his – their – sword.
And then, lightning.
That was three days ago in the mortal world.
“WE’VE BEEN WASTING AWAY IN THIS SHITHOLE KINGDOM WHEN WE COULD HAVE BEEN IN HEAVEN!”
“KEEP YELLING AND YOU’LL STAY WASTING AWAY IN THIS SHITHOLE KINGDOM!”
It’s an empty threat of course, because Pei Ming specifically came back to bring his best friend to the Middle Court and wouldn’t take no for an answer. Besides, now that he’s a god, their old fights are meaningless. Pei Ming finally has a title better than General, and Rong Guang has no more reason to overthrow their king. It’s a win-win for everyone – especially the king.
“You’ll really bring me up with you?” Rong Guang asks, his arm slacking.
Pei Ming smiles, lets go, and is promptly decked again.
“That one was for Ming’guang.”
Ming’guang is restored and Rong Guang ascends as Pei Ming’s right hand man.
It takes Pei Ming a few months to settle into a comfortable routine of fighting monsters, answering prayers, and bedding beautiful women across three realms.
It takes Rong Guang roughly the same to settle into his own comfortable routine of swearing, bringing Pei Ming merits to his name, and plotting rebellion.
“No.”
“You didn’t even let me finish!” Rong Guang snaps. “I’m just saying that –
“No.”
“Fuck you! You don’t even have to take the throne this time dammit! Just help me overthrow the old man.”
“Did you stuff clouds in your ears when I wasn’t looking? What the fuck did the Heavenly Emperor do to you?”
“I don’t like him,” Rong Guang answers. Which means jack shit because Rong Guang has never met a ruler he didn’t instantly dislike. Pei Ming thinks he just wants to rule himself at this point, albeit from the shadows, and it would be tempting to agree to take the title and let him handle everything else, but Pei Ming has his principles too.
“You are talking out of your ass again. Besides, even if you got this off the ground, how many temples does he have and how many do I have? He can flatten me with his pinky.”
“Not if we burn them all first,” Rong Guang says, then looks very thoughtful and gleefully changes the topic which only makes Pei Ming sweat every time he sees Jun Wu after that.
After a while though, Pei Ming thinks he sees Rong Guang’s point about not liking the Heavenly Emperor. Jun Wu is certainly very polite, and very powerful, and runs the Heavens well enough, but when he smiles, Pei Ming is vaguely reminded of the looks on boys’ faces when they're squatting in their gardens squishing ants.
Pei Ming has seen Rong Guang squish a lot of ants.
“Okay, I get your point about the Heavenly Emperor, but this does not mean we are overthrowing him. If I see even the slight hint of rebellion from anyone, I will throw you out of the Heavens myself.”
Rong Guang gives him a very strange look.
“So why the fuck did you lend our new civil goddess those martial gods to overthrow her old boss?”
Pei Ming returns the very strange look.
“Ling Wen did what?”
It’s a misunderstanding, Pei Ming eventually explains, though he certainly isn’t complaining about Ling Wen taking charge, and she is already more efficient than her predecessor, and nicer to look at too.
Rong Guang just wants to know how it’s possible to misunderstand a discrete request for fifty martial gods to handle a task of a personal nature, and then not ask any questions when the top civil god suddenly vanishes and his replacement is same woman who made the original request.
“You never could say no to a pretty face,” Rong Guang remarks. “Not that she even is. Your standards have fallen.”
“No more rebellion,” Pei Ming insists, very carefully ignoring his role in the last one. He should probably be concerned no one even noticed it, but either no one liked Jing Wen, or Ling Wen knew how to cover her tracks better than anyone anticipated.
How troublesome.
“Not bad for a shoemaker though,” Rong Guang eventually concedes, clearly impressed as well. “And now we’ve got dirt on one of the most powerful gods in the Upper Court.”
“No we don’t. Shut up. Go away.”
“Now we have dirt on two of the most powerful gods in the Upper Court!”
Rong Guang claps his hands in delight and laughs, and smacks Pei Ming a few times on the back for good measure.
Pei Ming should never have told Shi Wudu to ask Ling Wen for help. How was he supposed to know those two bastards would jump straight to birth records and swapping fates? All he wanted was some information on the Reverend of Empty Words! He’d already agreed to kill it dammit!
He doesn’t even have the energy to point out that Shi Wudu isn’t powerful. He’s only been a god for a few years at this point and – yes, okay, he was building his worshipper base at an alarming speed rivaled only by the fallen Prince Xianle from a few decades back – but he is still just a water god, and with a poor personality at that. He didn’t have any connections or influence.
“Yet,” Rong Guang assures him. Shi Wudu is similar to him, Pei Ming realizes with a hint of dread, hiding the same analytical and fearless mind only behind an aloof personality instead of a crass one. If Shi Wudu wanted power in the future, he’d get it.
“Go make him the new Emperor then,” Pei Ming suggests, not wanting any further part in anything.
At least Qingxuan smiled more these days.
For a time, things are quiet, and then a ghost king appears and slaughters 33 heavenly officials overnight.
Pei Ming and Rong Guang watch the carnage stunned.
And enticed.
“I could have taken him,” Rong Guang says, but for once it’s just empty bluster.
“Well, I couldn’t have,” Pei Ming responds honestly. “But now I want to.”
As he grows more powerful, thrilling night-hunts are harder to come by. An opponent like this feels like a once in a lifetime opportunity.
“Tell you what,” Pei Ming, more than a little battle starved, says. “Help me kill a ghost king and then we’ll talk.”
At least it would keep Rong Guang busy for a while.
“Question – do I have to help you kill Crimson Rain, or is any ghost king fine?”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“I found another one. Sneaky little fucker. He’s pretending to be a heavenly official.”
“…What?”
“More specifically, he’s the Earth Master.”
“WHAT?”
Shi Qingxuan refuses to talk to Pei Ming for two centuries after that.
Shi Wudu and Rong Guang, on the other hand, become very close friends, which brings with it Shi Wudu’s deep loyalty, and deeper wallet.
The only silver lining is that He Xuan manages to narrowly escape with his life (or whatever it is ghosts have), which means Rong Guang cannot start any rebellions.
Yet.
In what is either amazing news or terrible news, Rong Guang ascends to the Upper Court, becoming the Martial God of the North East.
Truthfully, Pei Ming suspects he could have ascended years ago, but after what happened with a past descendent he tried to raise up into the Heavens, Rong Guang wanted to make sure Pei Ming still had a capable general under him. He’d always been protective that way, even refusing a promotion once that would have had him fighting on different battlefields than Pei Ming. Their king had never fully forgiven him for that, come to think of it.
Not that Rong Guang ascending changes much of anything. He still makes it clear that he is Pei Ming’s right hand, Upper Court or not, and deals with several matters concerning destroyed Ming Guang temples. Meanwhile, Pei Ming’s new deputy general candidate goes through an extensive hazing period. Pei Xiu is quiet and bewildered by it all, no doubt wondering how the famous General Rong could be so crass and rude. They warm up to each other eventually though, after Rong Guang assists him in some personal matter that ends with Little Pei bringing a girl home.
Pei Ming sulks about it for days.
“Sucks doesn’t it! Some God of Love you are!” Rong Guang mocks.
“At least I’m not the God of Rebellion!”
Pei Ming almost choked when he learned of it. Rong Guang earned some respectable titles such as a God of Strategy, sure, but he mostly picked up conmen and tricksters under his banner, praying to him to let their cons and plots succeed.
How he wasn’t thrown out of Heaven on the spot had joined ascension as one of life’s biggest mysteries.
“This used to be such a nice neighborhood…” Pei Ming laments.
“We literally had a possessed dumbass murder 10 martial gods the other day. It was great.”
“Seriously?”
“How often do you get to see the old man in action? I got some great notes from it.”
“Right.” Not that Pei Ming himself hadn’t been awed by Jin Wu’s swift movements. “Just don’t forget you still owe me a ghost king.”
“I’m working on it! You think it’s easy to get spies into the Ghost City? That Crimson Rain asshole keeps killing all of mine.”
Rong Guang has killed more than a few of his too.
“And that Black Water fucker has been missing since you threw him out. Fuck! At this rate, I’m going to need to find a third ghost king!”
“Just as long as you find him and not make him.”
Rong Guang’s eyes widen.
“Oh no! DON’T YOU DARE! RONG GUANG GET BACK HERE! MOUNT TONGLU ISN’T EVEN OPEN RIGHT NOW!”
Prince Xianle ascends for the third time, and after his first outing, brings news of a third ghost king.
Or a former ghost king rather seeing as the White-Clothed Calamity, Bai Wuxiang, is supposed to be dead.
“Jun Wu killed him?” Rong Guang asks with an uncharacteristic frown.
“You already know about that,” Pei Ming snaps. “More importantly Crimson Rain has come out of hiding. We should see if we can get someone into the Ghost City while he’s tailing Prince Xianle.”
“Later,” Rong Guang says still frowning. “Where are they now?”
“I heard the Emperor sent him, Qingxuan, and Tai Hua to investigate something related to the Green Ghost.”
“Got it,” Rong Guang makes a face, then gets up and stretches. He’s not smiling or cursing for once, which should make Pei Ming wary but they’ve known each other too long at this point, and Pei Ming knows all his faces too well.
“Need any help?” Pei Ming offers.
“Not right now. I’ll fill you in later.”
Later apparently means when he, Rong Guang, Shi Wudu are playing cards at his palace and relaxing and definitely not plotting any rebellions, and a small army arrives to accuse them of plotting a rebellion.
This army consists of Prince Xianle, Crimson Rain, Qingxuan, Qi Ying, Nan Yang, Xuan Zhen, surprisingly Black Water and Yin Yu. And for some reason Little Pei and Banyue. All are armed for battle.
On Pei Ming’s side, Pei Ming is flabbergasted, Shi Wudu is mildly annoyed, and Rong Guang grins like a cat.
“Truly sorry for the interruption,” Xie Lian says, glancing around uncertainly. “But I’m afraid we must have a word with you about some worrying evidence we’ve gathered. General Ming Guang, Lord Water Master, perhaps you’re unaware, but we have reason to believe General Rong might be plotting a coup against the Heavenly Emperor.”
Pei Ming suddenly feels very tired.
“Why is this news?” Rong Guang scoffs. “I’ve been planning a coup for years.”
“He has,” Crimson Rain confirms, smiling pleasantly. “From the day he ascended, he has been plotting to overthrow the Heavenly Emperor.”
This prompts a wave of gasps from their allies. Except from Shi Qingxuan, who lets out an indignant yell instead.
“I have been saying that for centuries!” he shrieks, swinging his fan around violently. “And every time, it’s all “it’s alright Qingxuan” or “he’s only kidding Qingxuan” or “the Heavenly Emperor will crush him with his pinky if he tries Qingxuan” – but when Crimson Rain says it, now you all believe it? I see how it is!”
Pei Ming sympathizes. Rong Guang’s imminent rebellion had become something of an inside joke across the three realms, not helped by him enthusiastically inciting Shi Qingxuan once the latter finally started speaking to them again.
Only Pei Ming knew he was completely serious, but he also knew that Rong Guang was (with him) a man of his word, and had yet to help Pei Ming kill a ghost king.
“Hey.” Still, Pei Ming grabs his shoulder just in case. “You didn’t go and do something stupid behind my back again, did you?”
“Of course not!” Rong Guang snaps. “Crimson Rain did you just come here to laugh or are your preparations finally complete?”
“I came here to laugh. But also, more or less,” Hua Cheng replies and the atmosphere in the room completely changes.
“San Lang?” Xie Lian looks up quizzically.
“You two are working together!?” Shi Qingxuan sputters.
“Since when?” Pei Ming demands.
“Since this worthless trash,” Hua Cheng glares at He Xuan who calmly glares back, “got himself tossed out for spying.”
“Since Crimson Rain and I realized we had more in common than I thought,” Rong Guang replies innocently. “Don’t give me that look. This is simply befriending a distant state to strike a neighboring one. My target is Jun Wu not him.”
“No, no, no your target is him. Him!” Pei Ming insists. Shi Wudu clears his throat pointedly. “Or Black Water. Whoever. My point is, no rebellions until we kill a ghost king! You promised!”
At the other end of the room, Xie Lian and Shi Qingxuan step in front of Hua Cheng and He Xuan respectively.
“I am keeping my promise,” Rong Guang insists, and wears the same crazed smile he did the day he decided he would perch Pei Ming on the highest possible peak or die trying. “We’re going to go kill a ghost king!”
More accurately, Xie Lian and Hua Cheng are going to go kill a ghost king, which theoretically should invalidate the whole deal about overthrowing Jun Wu afterwards, but Pei Ming has bigger problems to worry about.
Problems of the Jun Wu and the third ghost king being the same person all along variety.
Problems of the capital turning into a giant flaming monster and attacking them variety.
Problems of the Rain Master showing up in the nick of time and saving him from a bunch of corpse-eating rats variety.
It’s a very stressful week.
“I really hate to say I told you so, but –
“No you don’t. You love gloating. You’ll die if you ever miss an opportunity to gloat.”
Rong Guang laughs. “Yeah, you’re right. I knew all along that old bastard couldn’t be trusted. I told you time and time again he had to go, but would you listen? Nope!”
“Yeah, yeah, you know everything. I’m an idiot,” Pei Ming concedes dryly. “Not that you did much in the end. Prince Xianle and Crimson Rain did all of the actual overthrowing.”
“Fuck you. I came up with most of the plan we followed. You think it could have gone so smoothly otherwise?”
Yes, actually, Pei Ming thinks as he looks upon the burning wreckage that used to be the heavenly capital. He doesn’t argue though. Not when Rong Guang is happier than he’s been in centuries.
It’s good that he got to finally carry out a successful rebellion. Maybe now he can focus his energy on literally anything else instead.
“Only, I had to promise that Crimson Rain the throne for his boyfriend if we pulled this off,” Rong Guang confesses. “All that work getting rid of one bastard emperor, and now another one comes along in his place. It better not take another 800 years to get rid of this one.”
Pei Ming looks up flabbergasted.
“Crimson Rain and Prince Xianle think they’re so tough now, but they’ve never had to face the full might of Ming’guang!” Rong Guang declares, eyes shining brighter than ever. “Together you and I are invincible!”
Or maybe that’s just the reflection from the fire.
“…I am going to pretend I did not hear anything you just said. Ever.” Pei Ming decides.
He does not think about how Xie Lian is not likely to want the throne, nor does he think about how much fun this matchup sounds.
At least it would keep Rong Guang busy for a while.
“By the way,” Pei Ming says to Ling Wen later, who is hard at work calculating reconstruction costs. “Rong Guang is up to his usual bullshit again. Let me know if it causes problems for you. I’ll deck him a few times.”
If there’s one thing Pei Ming has learned from this whole mess, it’s that Ling Wen is an invaluable part of their community and they should appreciate her and not bring her extra work. Maybe then she wouldn’t choose to side with a megalomaniac and try to kill them all.
Pei Ming still feels bad they didn’t invite her to join their rebellion, even if a big part of the reason of why it worked was that she hadn’t known about it. But still, he hopes she’ll be with them for the next one.
(Even as he actively works to ensure that there will never be a next one.)
Ling Wen, not yet used to being recognized for her efforts, stares at him for a long time. “You don’t have to worry about that,” she finally says. “General Rong I made a deal long ago. I stay out of his business, and let him plot his nonsense in peace. And in exchange,” her lips curl into a smile, “he handles his own paperwork.”