Work Text:
The lights in the common room were low. Mist swirled over the table, accompanied by an unnatural chill in the air as they all pressed in close. They weren’t allowed candles in the dorms, so mood lighting was instead provided by a dinosaur-shaped nightlight. Lizzie held it under her chin as she spoke.
“Comrades,” she said. “We gather here tonight to honor the pact. Is the tally ready?”
Adam held up a sheet of paper. “It is.”
“And what shall be the name of tonight’s challenge?”
“It’s a new one.” Gisu hefted the box onto the table. “New York Zoo.”
“New York Zoo,” the rest of the interns chanted in unison.
Lizzie lifted her hands up. “So it shall be done.”
Raz looked around the table with a raised eyebrow. “You guys are so weird,” he said. “I thought we were supposed to be playing a board game.”
“Oh, we are.” Lizzie flicked the lights back on with a telekinetic hand, and gave him a grin. “I just like the ambiance.”
“‘Sides, this is serious business,” Adam said, tapping the tally. “We make a note of whoever wins each week. At the end of the year, the loser has to buy the winner a pizza.”
Raz sat up in his chair, apparently more invested now that food was at stake. “How come my name’s not on there?”
“Well, you’re joining a good few weeks in. Wouldn’t be fair, y’know?”
“I dunno. I might win.”
Norma hummed a laugh. “‘I might win.’ Oh, that’s cute.”
Raz bristled. He stood on his chair so he was eye level with Norma, leering across the table. “What? You don’t think I got it in me, huh?” he said.
“Guys, guys, c’mon.” Lizzie held her hands out. “Let’s settle this on the battlefield.”
Gisu prised the lid off the box and started setting the game pieces out.
“So, there’s good news and bad news,” she said. “Bad news is that this only goes up to five players. Good news, it’s pretty quick, so we can take turns. I’ll sit out the first round, and two of you can play as a team.”
“Maybe our youngest member should partner up with someone more experienced,” Norma said slyly, and Raz shot her a death glare across the table.
“I call dibs!” Sam called. “I'll take all the help I can get, honestly.”
Raz moved his chair round to sit next to Sam, and Sam leant in, her voice lowered to a stage whisper.
“Ok, here’s what we’re gonna do,” she said. “I need you to sabotage Norma by eating her pieces when she’s not looking.”
“You eat any parts of my board game and I’ll levitate you off the roof of the building,” Gisu said pleasantly.
“Dang it.” Sam snapped her fingers. “Gotta come up with a plan B.”
As they discussed strategy, Gisu laid out the rest of the pieces. Every player got a zoo board to fill up, and the enclosure tiles went in the center. Next were the animal pieces. Raz’s eyes lit up huge when he saw them.
“Oh, no way! Look at these little guys!” He reached across, picking up a small piece of wood that had been milled into the shape of a meerkat with obvious delight. The rest of the junior agents followed suit, with various noises of appreciation.
Gisu beamed. “I know, right? Aren’t they so cute? There are five kinds of animal in this game: flamingos, meerkats, arctic foxes, penguins, and kangaroos.”
“Sam! Psst, Sam, c’mon.” Raz shuffled his meerkat closer to the one Sam was holding. “I’m gonna make them kiss.”
Sam indulgently bumped the noses of the two meerkat pieces together. “Aww. But what’s this? A challenger approaches!”
At least the two of them were having fun. Gisu turned to the others. “Right, that’s all the pieces.”
“How d’you play?” Adam asked.
“It’s pretty simple.”
Lizzie pursed her lips. “That’s the same thing you said about Battlestar Galactica.”
“Hey, that one wasn’t even that bad.”
“Not that anyone’s keeping count,” Norma interjected, “but I totally would have won if we’d finished the game.”
Morris rolled his eyes. “We played for five hours and didn’t even get halfway. Let it go, Norma.”
“Seriously, guys,” Gisu said. “It’s simple. The aim of the game is to fill up your board with different enclosures…”
Once the others had finished bickering, it didn’t take too long to explain the rules. It really wasn’t that complicated a game, despite Lizzie’s teasing and Morris’ occasional interjections.
“...so when you pass the bonus space, if you have a pair of these animals, they multiply.”
Morris snorted. “Sorry, wait, they what?”
“They multiply, Morris.”
“That’s very PG-13. C’mon, you can say it." Morris leaned in with a raised eyebrow. "The animals… get down."
"Gross," Gisu said.
"That's just nature! I'm not gonna judge that my animals are making sweet, tender love."
"I am," Lizzie said. "None of that junk better be happening in my zoo. If I learn there’s any funny business going on with these kangaroos I’m taking them behind the shed and shooting them like Old Yeller."
Norma rolled her eyes. “Let’s get back on topic. You pass a bonus space and your animals undergo parthenogenetic reproduction, sure. So that’s beneficial?”
“Yeah. You need animals to place new enclosures. But if you fill up an enclosure, you also get to take a bonus tile.” Gisu gestured. “The enclosures are kind of weirdly-shaped, so the bonus tiles are good for filling the gaps.”
“Interesting. The optimal strategy is becoming clear.” Norma folded her hands in front of her, a smirk on her face. "It's simple enough. Almost trivially so. But I suppose I'll still find some satisfaction in beating you all at this game for children."
“Alright, we’re all clear on the rules?” Gisu looked round as the others nodded. “Great. So, Adam, you start with one flamingo and one - one, uh…”
Gisu frowned, and dug about in the box. There were no meerkats. A glance across the table explained why: Sam and Raz had grabbed the whole lot, and appeared to be using them as puppets in some kind of high-stakes drama. Capsized meerkat meeples lay strewn across the table, and atop a hill made from Raz’s rolled-up jacket, Sam’s meerkat was breathing its last.
“You have to go on… without me…” she wheezed, in a hammy impression of a death rattle.
Raz was trying and failing to keep a straight face. “I won’t leave you, Susan!” he said, moving his meerkat closer. “Because I… I love you!”
A heartwarming moment passed between the meerkats. Then Sam yelled, “oh, no, grenade!” and made an explosion sound with her mouth as she hurled her meerkat as hard as she could against the wall.
“Noooooo!” Raz wailed. “Susan!”
Gisu cleared her throat, and they both looked to her with utterly guiltless expressions.
“Um,” Raz said, “yeah, I wasn't listening."
"I tuned out when Morris started making dirty jokes," Sam agreed.
Across the table, Morris threw his hands up. "I'm just saying, man, the birds and the bees!"
Gisu shot him a look. "Well, given that there are neither birds nor bees in this game, Morris-"
"Why do they say that, anyway?" Raz asked, cutting her off. "Almost all the bees in a hive are female. Cassie told me that."
"What are you implying, Raz?” Lizzie clicked her tongue. “That bees can't be gay?"
"Bees can -" Raz paused. Then he turned in his seat. "Wait, Sam, can animals be gay?"
Sam nodded. "Oh yeah. All the time."
Raz’s eyes went wide. "No way,” he said. “Wow. That's so cool."
He seemed genuinely impressed, staring out to the middle distance as he processed this apparently world-shaking fact. Gisu, not at all inclined to try and figure out what was currently going on inside his ten-year-old brain, instead looked to Sam.
"Mkay. Do I or do I not need to repeat the rules?"
Sam waved her off. "Meh," she said, "I'll figure it out."
“Good. Also, I’m gonna need that meerkat back.”
The pieces were collected back in, and passed out, and by the time Adam was ready to begin his first turn a total of twenty-two minutes had passed since they’d first sat down. If that wasn’t a record, Gisu was sure it was at least pretty close.
“Morris, you’re up after Adam.”
“Alright.” Morris teased the elephant between his fingers, thinking. “So, hmm… I dunno. Gisu, what do you think would be best?”
Gisu leaned over, pointing out a space. “You’ve already got a couple animals, so I’d recommend-”
Norma cleared her throat.
Gisu looked over. “You need some water?” she said flatly.
“Oh, no, it’s nothing. I was just wondering if it’s really… appropriate for you to be giving Morris advice.” Norma smiled. “You know, as an impartial third party.”
Lizzie elbowed her. “I see what’s going on. You’re worried about the com-pe-tition.”
“No. Well, yes, but it's more than that. Don't you want to earn your victory?” Norma leant forward, eyes gleaming. “If you win, don’t you want it to be because your own skills, your superior wits, carried you to glorious triumph?”
Morris shrugged. “Nah. I love using my brain as little as possible.”
"That explains a lot about you," Adam quipped (to Sam's cry of "haha, zing!").
"Anyway," Gisu said. "There's not a ton you can do right now, so my two cents? Just grab an enclosure."
After Morris, the turn passed to Sam (and, nominally, Raz, but he very clearly did not understand the rules), then Lizzie, then Norma. "The first few rounds are usually pretty slow," Gisu explained as Adam took his second turn. "After that, stuff really picks up."
Adam and Norma were the two playing with the clearest strategy. No surprises there. Lizzie wasn't throwing the game away, but she also wasn't really thinking ahead with her moves - she seemed to be more interested in looking for ways to mess with the other players. Morris was by far the least competitive, making his moves and engaging in chatter with an easy smile on his face, obviously just happy to be here. And Gisu wasn't entirely sure that Sam had really understood the rules, either, but at least she accepted without fuss whenever Gisu had to correct one of her illegal moves, so it was about as expected.
"Alright, we passed a bonus space, so flamingoes multiply." Gisu reached into the box, pointedly ignoring how Morris immediately burst into an impression of the sax solo from Careless Whisper. "Adam and Norma, you both have a pair of flamingoes in an enclosure, so you each get an extra flamingo."
"I have a flamingo and a kangaroo," said Sam. "Is that anything?"
"You don't have a flamingo and a kangaroo," Gisu said flatly, "because you can't have two different animal species in the same enclosure. Which you would know if you had been listening."
Sam frowned. "Wait, yeah, I did know that. How'd this little guy get in here, then?"
"That was me," Raz said. "I thought the flamingo looked lonely."
"We're moving on," Gisu said firmly. She turned to Lizzie. "It's your go."
Lizzie clicked her tongue, looking over the board. She reached forward and picked up an enclosure piece.
Next to her, Norma drew herself up. "Oh. You're sure you want that piece?"
"What, this piece? This piece that I saw you eyeing up because it would fit perfectly in your zoo?" Lizzie gave a long hmm, tapping her chin. "Yep. I think I'm sure."
Norma grumbled something darkly. She picked up the elephant, hesitating for a moment - Gisu saw the calculating look that flashed in her eyes. She moved the elephant exactly two spaces forward, taking an enclosure tile herself. It didn't fit very well onto her board, but she still had a certain self-satisfied look on her face as she ended her turn. "It's yours, Adam," she said.
"Nice one!" Adam moved one space along, and rummaged in the box. "I'm gonna take a fox, and put him with the rest of the guys in here."
"Cool. Foxes multiply - Morris, don't you dare - so you get one more, which fills up that enclosure. You get one as well, Lizzie."
"Sweet!" Lizzie reached across. "I filled up an enclosure too, so I get a bonus piece, yeah?"
"It resolves starting with the active player. Adam gets to pick first," Gisu said.
Lizzie's face fell as Adam grabbed the large bonus tile she'd clearly been eyeing.
"Ooh, sorry, Liz!" He slotted it onto his board, and gave a smile that was only halfway apologetic. "It's just the best choice."
"Oh dear," said Norma. "It's a shame we didn't pass the fox bonus space on the previous turn, allowing you to fill your enclosure and get the piece before Adam. If only I'd moved one space further."
Lizzie glowered at her. She spun in her chair. “Hey, Morris, truce. We gotta team up to take down my sister.”
“Hmm. What’s your offer?”
“I’ll give you one of my penguins.”
“Not how this game works, guys,” Gisu chimed in. “Morris, take your turn.”
Morris grabbed two animals from the box, and surreptitiously leant over to Lizzie. “I’ll think about it,” he murmured under his breath, with a bounce of his eyebrows.
“Oh! That one!” Raz stood out of his chair, pointing at an enclosure as Sam moved the elephant along. “Look, it’ll fit perfectly between the foxes and flamingos-”
Lizzie gave a banshee screech. “No, damn it, I wanted that piece!”
“In the legendary words of Shawn Michaels,” Sam said, “suck it.”
Raz cackled. “Yeah, suck it!”
“Alright, can someone come get their kid?” Lizzie made to stand from her chair. “I’m gonna make an announcement over the intercom-”
“It’s my turn, sister dearest. May I please have the elephant?” Norma said sweetly.
Lizzie wound up, and pitched the elephant across the room in an overhand fastball. Adam flicked his wrist out, snagging it with a telekinetic string, but he slightly misjudged the angle. It swung in a wide arc over the table and smacked right into the center of Raz’s forehead. He gave a squeak, more of surprise than pain, and toppled backwards out of sight.
"Man down!" Sam cried.
Gisu rubbed her forehead. “Can we have one board game night without casualties?”
"Whose turn even is it?" Morris asked.
"Mine," Adam said. "Remind me what happens when you fill up all the spaces in your zoo, again?"
"The game ends because you win."
"Oh," Adam said. "Well, good game, everybody!"
Gisu looked across. Sure enough, Adam's board was completely filled with perfectly-tesselated enclosures.
"Huh," she said. "Alright. Good job."
“I’m okay,” Raz called from the floor.
Lizzie whooped. “Inscribe it upon the tally!”
“Adam takes the lead with four wins!” Adam gave a low whistle. “‘Least you won’t have to worry about going hungry at the end of the year, Norma, cos you’ll be too busy eating my dust.”
Norma steepled her hands. “Savour this victory while you can, Adam. Before long, you will be left with nothing but the bitter taste of defeat.”
Gisu shuffled the pieces together. "We still got time, so… you guys wanna play again?"
"Why not?"
"Yeah, that was pretty fun."
"Let's do it!" Raz said. Then he rubbed the back of his head with a grin. "Uh, I might need another explanation of the rules, though."
"Sure," said Gisu. "Ok, from the top…"