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*
"Miller, you're cleared for landing." The crackle of the radio brought Kath back to herself; for a wild moment, she had gone inside her head, thinking ahead to later tonight. "You can begin your descent."
Kath concentrated on lining up for the runway down below. It was old hat by now, or should have been. Still, the exhilaration of it, the shudder of the Cessna 170 beneath her feet, never truly stopped leaving her in awe. It was glorious, all of it—the rush of the land below coming up to meet her, the whistle of the wind, the roar of the engine. She had just done another delivery up to Portland, and was now returning the plane back home, but her mind had really been elsewhere the entire time.
Not that she hadn't been paying attention. Of course she had.
It was just that she hadn't seen Lily in three months, and tonight, she was finally coming up to Oakland for a visit.
As Kath concentrated on landing the plane, her eyes began picking out the details on the ground, growing bigger the closer she got. There were a few more people on the ground than there usually were at this time, her boss among them, and she wondered if there was something wrong. Her eyes picked out a small figure that didn't really belong in the airfield—the figure was wearing a skirt. There was only one other woman working there, a secretary, and she never went out to the field itself unless it was absolutely necessary.
"They're noisy things," Carol often complained. "I'd rather stay here, do my job, and go home. I'll leave the planes to you hotheads."
The figure didn't look like Carol—this woman was smaller, for one, and wore younger clothes. Kath couldn't quite see all the details as she swung the plane around to the right runway and finally, the wheels touched down on the ground, the rush of speed picking up now that she was no longer in the air. Landing always made her hands sweat, no matter how many times she'd done it, and it never failed to leave her breathless.
What most people didn't know about Kath was that she was afraid of heights. But for flying—for flying, she would overcome the world.
Finally, she slowed the plane to almost a complete stop and taxied it down to the parking spot, left open for her. It was ungainly, maneuvering the plane into place. They were much easier to control in the air. That was why it wasn't until she had taken off her headset and undone her seatbelt, until she opened the door and hopped down onto the ground, that she noticed the small figure making its way over to her, flanked by her boss.
It was Lily. Lily was here.
Kath gasped and made as though to run towards her, but stopped herself just in time. Lily was wearing a loose scarf over her hair and sunglasses, and her smile was so bright, it was nearly blinding. She had on a yellow sundress, in deference to the hot summer day, her pale arms and shins on full display. Her shoes were red patent leather. She'd come a long way from the shy retiring girl she'd been in high school. Growing up agreed with Lily. She was absolutely beautiful now, and she was all Kath's.
"Kath!" Lily called out and did run towards her, stopping just shy of giving her a hug. "Surprise!"
"Lily." Kath wanted so badly to take her in her arms, but shoved her hands into her pockets, instead. It was too dangerous, revealing herself in front of her boss.
Benson, said boss, followed behind Lily. "Everything go all right?" he asked gruffly, seemingly ignoring Lily, but of course, he had to have given her permission to be out on the field. She must have charmed him. Kath really hoped he hadn't been somehow inappropriate with her. He was never inappropriate with Kath, but that's mostly because everybody considered her to be one of the guys. She never wore dresses—they weren't practical for this line of work, after all—she had short hair, and she never demanded to be treated like a lady, since she was no lady. That was why she was able to so easily slide beneath everybody's radar and simply get her work done.
"Yes, sir," she said, tearing her eyes away from Lily. She couldn't look away from her for long, however, keenly aware of her warm presence so close by, her smile only for Kath. "Everyone at Smithfield sends their regards. Curtis asked after your wife."
"Oh, now, that's nice. Next time you're up there, tell 'em all I sent my regards as well. Now, do your post-flight, and then you can clock out early. I let your friend here meet you, she seemed awful eager to see you fly." His salt-and-pepper mustache twitched. "But don't get distracted. We need the plane in tip-top shape."
"Of course, sir. Yes, sir."
With that, Benson turned and made his way back towards the office. Kath thought, he's slowing down. Benson was in his fifties, and while he was still a top pilot and the best mechanic they had, he wasn't getting any younger.
Finally, when he was out of sight, with no one else out there to bother them, Kath turned her full attention to Lily. "You're early," she said, sounding a bit breathless. She longed so badly to take Lily's hands in her own. "How come you're here now?"
"I wanted to surprise you," Lily said with a smile. "And I really wanted to watch you fly, your boss was telling the truth."
"And what did you think?" she asked, taking a tiny step closer. Here, in the shadow of the plane, they seemed as safe as anywhere could be outside of her apartment.
Lily took a small step toward her as well and took off her sunglasses. There you are, Kath thought. Lily wasn't fully Lily without her beautiful eyes on display. Her eyes were what had made Kath notice her in the first place. Serious and intense, they spoke to the sort of person Lily was. The person that Kath had longed to know for years before actually getting to do it.
"I thought you were incredible," Lily said so quietly, it was almost a whisper, and Kath realized she wanted to be a little bit reckless. Lily did that to her, made her want to shout from the rooftops, made her want to sky-write I love Lily Hu! for everyone to see, made her want to be wild.
"Would you like to see the inside?" Kath asked.
Lily, so close that Kath could sense her scent even with the lingering smell of exhaust in the air and the oil-slick heat coming off the runway, beamed at her. "Of course!"
Kath helped her up, watching to make sure her feet didn't slip, gaze going involuntarily to Lily's round calves, her delicate ankles. Then Lily was in and scooting over to the other seat, allowing Kath to take the pilot's spot.
"Wow," Lily said, looking all around her.
Kath realized this was Lily's first time on a plane. "What do you think?" she asked, pleasure bubbling inside her. She was so happy to be here for Lily's first experience. If she had thought ahead, if she had known, she could have asked Benson if they could take a quick ride. She could have taken Lily up to the skies.
"It's incredible! Tell me what all of these controls do."
Kath did, taking her through every meter and reader and switch. She knew Lily well enough to know that when Lily asked to be shown something, she wanted to know everything.
"I'm so proud of you," Lily said, turning her gaze on Kath. "It's not that I didn't know how difficult flying was, I just couldn't quite picture it. But now…"
Kath thought she would burst with love for her. Quickly looking around, she whispered, "Come here," and Lily went immediately, straining toward her. Kath rested one arm on the yoke and met her in the middle. Their lips touched for the first time in three months. Lily made a small pleased noise that shot through Kath like wildfire, and pressed up closer. A small touch grew into pressure, grew into a slow, open kiss. The tip of Lily's tongue touched Kath's, and Kath melted, wishing they could be closer, wishing Lily could be in her lap, so Kath could press her to herself, feel her body against her own. But that would have to wait until they were alone.
They broke off, Kath breathing hard. The ache between her legs let itself be known, but there was not much she could do about it. And, really, it was nice to delay pleasure sometimes. Nice to anticipate.
Lily was smiling. "I'm distracting you. Your boss wouldn't be too happy."
Kath reached out and tucked a strand of hair into Lily's translucent scarf, smiling back. "But he doesn't know." Privately, Kath often wondered if Benson suspected about her. He never said anything, never even indicated any interest in wanting to know anything about Kath apart from how well she did her job, but she did wonder.
But Lily was right. Kath had to finish her job. The sooner she did, the sooner they could leave, the sooner they could catch up and be together.
Lily hopped out of the plane after Kath and watched her as she went through her post-flight checklist. Everything seemed copacetic, so Kath was tempted to rush it, but she made herself slow down and pay attention. It wouldn't do to miss something crucial. It could mean danger to the next pilot who used the plane, which was something she would never do.
The whole time she circled the plane and checked for damage, she could feel Lily's gaze on her. It made her skin tingle, made her whole body lean toward her, but Kath allowed her professional mind to take over and finished the job, jotting down notes in her notebook and her miles in her log.
"Now I just have to report to the office, and we can go," she told Lily, grabbing her flight bag.
Lily gave her a sweet smile in response.
Hand in hand, at least in spirit, they walked back towards the office. "How did you get here?" Kath asked. "And where are your things?"
"The bus. I was able to leave the bag inside, in the hallway."
Should be safe enough. "It's a heck of a ride," Kath said. She had expected to pick Lily up at the bus station later. "I can't believe you'd do that."
"For you?" Lily cast her a quick look. "Of course I would."
Another hot wave of pleasure rushing through her. At this rate, Kath would burn up before they ever got a chance to be alone.
"Hi, Carol, here's my log," Kath said after walking in.
"All set, hon? Great. I'll record and sign off, then it's all yours." Carol was in her forties and sweet as pie, if a little exasperated with the pilots from time to time. She was always extra nice to Kath, motherly somehow. It never ceased to surprise Kath, as she had long gotten used to most women tipping away from her, carefully avoiding her as an unknown or an unwanted entity. Kath made most heterosexual women uneasy. Carol was one of the exceptions.
"This is Lily," Kath volunteered, indicating Lily at her side. "A friend of mine." It felt so inadequate to say, so wrong, somehow. But it would have to do.
Carol looked up and gave Lily a smile. Her cat-eye glasses glinted in the setting sun. "Aren't you a doll? You speak English, Lily?"
Kath winced inwardly. Lily, who was, of course, used to this by now, only said, "Yes, of course."
"What do you think of your friend here flying?"
Lily turned to Kath just as Kath turned to Lily and said, "I think she's marvelous."
Kath couldn't help smiling at her any more than she could help breathing.
"Aww, isn't that sweet?" Carol cooed. "I have no idea what she sees in it, but she sure is fearless. Me, I'd rather stay right here on the ground where my feet know what to do."
Afterwards, Kath led them out to the parking lot, flight bag in one hand, Lily's bag in the other.
"I still can't believe you own a car now," Lily said, getting into Kath's Studebaker. "All grown up."
"Have to, to be able to get here whenever I need to," Kath said, stuffing their bags in the back seat, then getting in on the driver's side. "But it does help with everything else," she admitted, turning the key in the ignition, the engine sputtering to life. Independence. A means to go places she couldn't otherwise go. It meant being able to drive down to see Lily in LA next time instead of taking the bus.
"I'm going to buy a car soon, I think," Lily said thoughtfully. "Uncle Francis said he would take me to get it, because you need a man to negotiate and know what to buy, otherwise..."
Kath understood. She knew she had overpaid for her car, but she hadn't had a man to go with her. She imagined that Lily, being Chinese, would have even more of a disadvantage than Kath had. "You're close to getting your license, aren't you?"
"Mmhmm. Five more hours, and then I can take the exam."
Kath flashed her a smile as she pulled out of her spot. "When we both have cars, it's goodbye, buses."
"Hello, more traffic." Lily laughed. "LA has horrible traffic, you know."
"I know," Kath said, nodding. "I'm still going to visit you, though. Better to be stuck in traffic in my own car than the crowded bus."
Lily gave her a conspiratorial smile, and they were off.
Kath's place in Oakland was a forty minute drive from the airfield. During it, Lily caught her up on all of her news from the Jet Propulsion Laboratory. She took off her scarf, shaking out her hair, and Kath had the strangest desire to take the scarf from her and inhale its scent, knowing it would smell like Lily. Instead, she took one hand off the wheel and slid it into Lily's, for just a second, squeezing her fingers lightly. Lily responded in kind, and for that moment, Kath forgot everything but her touch. She had another desire: to take her hand and slide it up Lily's thigh over the yellow cotton of her dress, slide it higher and higher until she reached the apex of her, where she was warmest.
But it wouldn't do to get in an accident now, when they were so close to home.
Instead, she took her hand back, throwing Lily a quick reassuring smile, and drove on.
"What about you?" Lily asked. "Anything you haven't told me yet?"
They talked on the phone at least once a week, and wrote letters in between. It wasn't nearly enough, but it had to be. For now, this would have to do: visits four-five times a year.
Kath hesitated, then said, "My mother came for a visit the other day."
She could feel Lily's shock even though Lily didn't say a thing. She simply waited for Kath to go on, patient as ever.
"She had called ahead, asked if I was free on Saturday. I told her I was, so she…she came over."
"Did she…meet your roommates?" Lily asked in a careful voice.
"Mmhmm. All three of them—everyone was home."
"How did it go?"
Mixed, was the truthful answer. Kath's mother had only recently begun talking to her after years of ignoring her existence. Kath had sent her sister postcards and letters, never knowing whether they were even getting to her, because Peggy never wrote back, and neither had her parents.
And then: a thawing of sorts. A letter from her mother. There were no questions, really, about Kath or Kath's life. But there was mention of Peggy, who was now in high school, and her father, whose butcher shop was still doing well, and when Kath wrote back, she eventually got another letter in return. It was such a fragile truce, she hadn't even told Lily for fear of scaring it away.
The visit was new. When she had picked her mother up in her car, the first thing she'd noticed was how much older she looked. It was as though she had shrunk into herself, somehow, the wrinkles around her eyes new, the spooked expression in them only vaguely familiar.
But Kath had hosted her. Had made her lunch, had introduced her roommates. Her mother had seemed to like Olivia best—Olivia was femme—and didn't care for Margaret, who was more butch than Kath herself. Janey had largely stayed away. "Parents make me uneasy, babe," she'd said to Kath. "I better just hole up in my room and listen to records. Trust me."
Kath pulled herself back to the present and briefly glanced over at Lily. "It was…all right. It was a big step for her, you know?"
"And…" Lily appeared to hesitate. "What about your dad?"
Kath pursed her lips and determinedly looked out the windshield. "Nothing from him yet." And she didn't know there would be, in the end. She had not turned out to be the oldest daughter he wanted. Mother had barely mentioned him during her visit. She didn't even know if he'd known about her mother's visit at all.
Lily's hand landed gently on top of Kath's over the steering wheel. "I'm sorry, Kath."
Kath gave a somewhat jerky nod of her head, then forced herself to shrug. "It is what it is." She sounded bitter. She didn't want to sound bitter. She didn't want to feel bitter. She simply wanted to enjoy this visit with Lily and push everything else to the side. "Anyway, let's talk about something else."
Lily squeezed her hand, then took hers back, dropping it in her lap. Her smile, when Kath looked over at her, was bittersweet. "All right. Let's talk about how amazing you looked, flying that plane."
Kath laughed despite the mood, surprised into it. Lily could always do that. "All right," she said agreeably. "Let's do that."
Lily's laughter filled the car, letting in fresh air, dissipating the last of the melancholy that had settled over them. "I can't believe that was the first time I even got a chance to watch you. I've thought about it so much."
"You have?" Kath asked, surprised. "Why?"
"Because," Lily said with a playful shove at Kath's shoulder, "my girlfriend is so cool. She flies planes for a living."
Kath bit her lip against a smile, but it didn't work. "I think you'll find," she said, "that my girlfriend is cooler. She's a real brilliant lady who will one day send people into space."
Lily laughed again, a single exhalation, but when Kath looked over at her, she saw the creeping blush on her cheeks, the pleased smile on her lips. She longed to kiss those lips, those cheeks, longed to take her in her arms.
Just a few minutes more, now.
At a red light, she spotted Olivia waiting to cross the street. Kath rolled down her window and called out, "Liv!"
Olivia turned and broke into a sunny smile, waving. "Hey, Kath! Is that your girl? Hey, Lily!"
Lily waved back. "Hi, Liv!"
"Headed out?" Kath asked, somewhat unnecessarily.
"Mmhmm. Don't wait up!" Liv winked, then saw that the light had changed and sauntered across the street in her tight skirt and high heels.
Kath laughed and turned onto their street, looking for a spot to park her car. "Well, I guess it's one less for dinner."
She found a spot and managed to maneuver her car into it, hand on the back of Lily's seat, aware of Lily watching her the whole time. Her neck felt warm, and she fumbled a couple of times before straightening out and finally being able to cut the engine. "What is it?" she asked quietly as Lily sat there and watched her with a tilt to her head.
"Nothing," Lily said. "Just happy to see you."
Kath's smile felt irrepressible.
*
Up in the apartment, their bags in hand, Kath called out, "Hello? Anybody home?"
There was no answer, her roommates' doors closed. Pleased for this bit of privacy, Kath took hold of Lily's hand and pulled her fully into the apartment, kicking the door shut behind them and dropping the bags on the hallway floor. Lily, as always, insisted on taking off her shoes, something that Margaret and Janey rarely did. In deference to Lily, Kath took hers off, too, then shoved her feet into the slippers Lily had given her for Christmas one year. Lily's sat in the closet, and Kath got them out now, dropping down to retrieve them. When she turned on her heels with the slippers in hand, Lily was barefoot, waiting. Feeling a swell of tenderness inside her chest, Kath set down one of the slippers, then looked up at Lily and took gentle hold of one of her ankles. Wordlessly, she guided Lily's foot inside the first slipper, then set her foot down. She took hold of Lily's other ankle, which looked so pale compared with the tanned skin of Kath's hands, and guided it into the other slipper, gently setting it back down again. For a moment, she simply stared at Lily's slippered feet, unable to put into words how the sight of them in her home made her feel. As though Lily belonged here. Here, in Oakland, in Kath's home, and not in LA, in a shared apartment.
Kath ran her gaze up Lily's legs, the pale yellow skirt of her dress, her belt-cinched waist, the flare of her small breasts, her collarbone, her neck. Her face, looking tenderly down at Kath. Both of them were silent in that moment, and then Lily lifted her hands and slid them into Kath's hair, a soft touch. Kath closed her eyes and leaned into it, feeling unmoored and tethered all at once. Her feelings for Lily felt as though she were floating out to sea, at the mercy of the elements, while Lily's touch grounded her, allowed her to remember where she was, and with whom.
For a long moment, she simply stayed on the floor among the various shoes, knees digging into the wooden floor. Then Lily whispered, "Come up here," and Kath had no choice but to obey. She rose to her feet, Lily's hands still cradling the back of her head, and then they were face to face, eye to eye.
"Are you hungry?" Kath asked just as quietly.
Lily shook her head.
Kath leaned in and Lily was already meeting her halfway. This time, there was nothing to disturb the sweetness of their kiss. No worries of being caught, no witnesses at all except the dust motes that swirled in the late afternoon light. The living room windows faced west, and the sun shone bright in the sky, its rays touching everything they saw, including Lily's skin, painting it gold. Kath pulled back and simply watched her for a moment, unable to believe she was finally here.
"Hi," Lily said, sounding almost shy. "Can we go to your room?"
Kath nodded, and, still holding Lily's hands, walked them backwards down the hall to her own door. It wasn't fully closed, so she was able to kick it open and lead them through, kicking it shut behind them.
Lily pulled her into another kiss, less sweet this time. Her arms wound around Kath's neck, and Kath's went around Lily's waist, and there—nothing separated them but a few layers of cloth. Kath found herself reeling from everything she wanted. Everything she could get, everything she could give to Lily. They continued to kiss as Kath backed them up until Lily's legs hit the bed, and then, gently, Kath lowered her onto it. Lily's eyes danced as they separated.
Kath put one knee on the bed as Lily pushed herself backwards, and then Kath was leaning over her and not allowing herself to think as her fingers went to the row of buttons on the front of Lily's dress. They were mother-of-pearl, delicate little things, and Kath took care with each, undoing them slowly, revealing Lily to her gaze bit by little bit.
The delicate chest, the pale pink of her silk slip. Then—Lily's patent leather belt, easy enough to undo. The entire time, Kath watched Lily's chest rise and fall with her breath, almost too overcome to catch her gaze. Instead, she concentrated on the movements of her hands over Lily's clothing. The belt undone, there were more buttons to contend with, and then Lily, impatient perhaps, shoved the dress all the way off, leaving her in her slip and undergarments. She was so beautiful.
"Kiss me, Kath," she whispered, and Kath could only obey. Lily pulled Kath towards her until Kath had no choice but to lie down on top of her, attempting not to crush her. Kath was a bit bigger than Lily, if not taller. "Come on, give me everything," Lily commanded and Kath forgot to worry about crushing her. Instead, she grabbed a handful of Lily's slip and pulled it up as they kissed, revealing Lily's warm skin. Kath slid her hand underneath. No silk could compare with the feel of Lily's skin against her hands. Kath groaned, kissed her harder, Lily responding in kind. There was nothing slow or hesitant about their lovemaking now. Kath fumbled with Lily's underwear and, lifting up, slipped it down her legs, revealing her to Kath's hungry gaze. When she glanced up at Lily, her arms still loosely holding onto Kath's neck, Lily's eyes were dark and she was biting her lip.
"Can I?" Kath asked. Lily's nod was a jerky, stuttered thing. Lily opened up her knees and Kath slid one hungry hand down the smooth inside of her thigh, marveling all over again that not only was she allowed to do that, she was encouraged to.
Lily felt incredible beneath her. Kath really should have gotten all of her clothes off—and hell, she was still wearing all of her own—but she was too impatient. They had time for more, they had time for everything.
Her hand found Lily's warmth, and found her wet already. Lily squirmed, then raised her hips. Kath was welcomed inside. She slid a finger in between the slippery folds of her, then another. Lily gasped and buried her overly warm face in Kath's neck, mouth open, breath hot. The ache between Kath's legs grew, and all she longed to do was relieve the one between Lily's.
She knew her well, knew what Lily wanted, what she needed. Kath gave her an even rhythm, and then, after getting her sufficiently excited and gasping, she slipped a thumb over her clit, making Lily shudder. Ever since the first time they did this, in an empty classroom, Kath had craved making Lily feel like this. That year they spent apart had not dulled that desire; instead it had fanned its flames even further. She would always, always make Lily feel this good, for as long as she was permitted.
"Kath—"
"Yeah, baby," Kath whispered, "I'm here, I'm here—"
"Kath, please, can you—"
"Do you need it harder, sweetheart?"
Lily's nod made her hair whisper against Kath's skin. Kath went harder, attempting to maintain as even a rhythm as she was capable of in the slightly awkward position. The arm propping her up on the bed trembled, but she didn't want to shift for fear of crushing Lily. She bit her lip and watched her hand working in between Lily's legs, fingers disappearing behind the wiry hair of her mound. She was so beautiful, and she was Kath's. Unable to stop herself, Kath dislodged herself from Lily's gentle hold and went down to her knees on the floor, shoving Lily's slip further up her body. She put her mouth over her smooth hip, her belly. Kissed every bit of skin she could find as Lily cried out beneath her, muffling the sounds in her hand. Then Kath took hold of one of Lily's legs, spread her open, slipped her hand out, and replaced it with her mouth.
Lily's taste bloomed across her tongue, her want and pleasure. Kath moaned at the same time that Lily did, the reverberation of it loud in the quiet room. She flicked her tongue against Lily's clit again and again, feeling every tremble and shudder she elicited. Lily was whimpering, moving her hips against Kath's face, taking what she wanted. Kath wanted to give it to her, give it all to her, let her have everything. She kissed her clit, then licked it, sucked on it, licked it again, and when she'd had enough teasing, she began a rhythm that was sure to get Lily where she so desperately wanted to go. Lily's hand had found Kath's hair and was squeezing it, holding Kath against her pussy, not letting go. Kath continued unrelenting, despite the ache in her tongue and jaw. Her hands found the backs of Lily's thighs, smooth and soft and perfect, and she spread Lily’s legs even further apart, made her wide open for herself.
It happened in a slow build—Lily shuddered, then her voice rose higher. She slapped a hand over her mouth again, probably mindful of Kath's neighbors, and then she tensed and froze and shuddered against Kath's tongue, her taste flooding Kath as she trembled her way through her orgasm. Kath lapped it up, all of it, licked her clean until Lily shuddered and gently pushed her away, oversensitive. Kath dropped her head to Lily's hip and took in deep breaths, eyes closed, floating.
"Sweetheart," Lily said, "sweetheart, come up here to me."
Kath took in a shuddering breath, pushed herself up, and went. The kiss tasted of Lily completely. Kath was aware of how wet her face was, but Lily didn't seem to mind—she never did. She kissed Kath as though they were about to be separated, kissed her with her whole body.
"Now you, want you, come on, take off your clothes," Lily mumbled, hands already going to Kath's buttons.
Clumsy and awkward, Kath helped, shoving her pants down, slipping the shirt off, until she was left in her bra and underwear, and then Lily was hauling her up onto the bed to lie beside her, rolling them over, and kissing Kath everywhere. Her collarbone and her chest, her ribs, her belly, until finally she was between Kath's legs, inhaling even as she spread her knees open. Kath was very aware of having been up in a plane all day, feeling stale and sweaty. She should have showered before letting Lily do this, but it was too late now.
"Sorry, I'm not the freshest," she said now, breath hitching.
Lily looked up at her, eyes bright. "You're perfect. I've missed you so much. So much, Kath."
Kath felt like she was melting into the bed. Tucking a strand of hair behind Lily's ear, she said, "I've missed you too. So much, you can't even imagine."
Lily gave her a sweet smile, then moved up and maneuvered Kath so that she could unhook her bra. Kath shrugged out of it and her breasts spilled out to her sides—they were bigger than Lily's and sometimes had a mind of their own. Lily seemed to love them. She gathered them up and began to kiss them, one by one. She licked Kath's nipples, sucked them in, sucked hard, until Kath was gasping from the pleasure-pain of it, and nipped at the bottom of her breasts, burying her nose underneath them even as she continued to massage them with her hands. Then she began to move lower and lower down, kissing as she went.
This still felt like a revelation. To be wanted like this, to be loved like this. Lily seemed to love with her whole body, touching her absolutely everywhere. Legs tangled, skin pressed together, there was nowhere Kath would rather be. As Lily spread Kath's legs and kissed her belly, then her mound, and then, finally, went lower, hooking her fingers into Kath's underwear and slipping it down and off. She returned immediately and kissed the ache between Kath's legs. Kath grabbed hold of the covers beneath her. Her eyes felt like rolling to the back of her head as Lily licked, giving her just enough pressure to make it good, but not enough to get her there quickly. She, too, knew Kath. Knew how to make her feel good. She used her hand and her mouth to work Kath up to a frenzy of need, Kath gritting her teeth against a shout, doing her best not to even moan, lest her neighbors overhear, but it was hard-going. Lily was so good at driving her crazy. She was relentless, her soft tongue a counterpoint to her unyielding fingers, and Kath spread her legs wider, bumped her hips up, attempting to get more, more, more of everything that Lily had to give.
Lily was moaning, and then Kath was moaning, and then all pleasure gathered at the base of her spine and in the pit of her belly, everything ratcheting up to an almost unbearable degree, and then Kath was shuddering with unbelievable pleasure, her pussy going in waves as she came. It seemed to go on forever, and Lily was there the whole way through, never once stopping, never letting go.
*
Afterwards, they lay under the covers, Kath smoking a cigarette, with Lily's head resting on her, and spoke in quiet voices.
"When do your roommates get home?"
"Wish I knew," Kath told her, exhaling a plume of smoke. "I thought they would be home by now, but I guess Liv at least isn't going to be here tonight." She offered the cigarette to Lily, bringing it to her lips as a question. Lily answered by putting her lips around it and inhaling lightly, then blowing the smoke out. Kath watched as it dissipated between them, making everything hazy.
"I hope they're all out tonight," Lily said dreamily. "Don't get me wrong, I like your roommates, but…"
"Yeah," Kath agreed. "It would be nice to be alone."
"Just the two of us."
"Mmm."
Lily's legs were tangled with Kath's, the dampness between them still there. The room smelled like sex and cigarette smoke. Kath loved it. She'd missed it. Letters and calls were one thing, but this—this was entirely something else.
She switched her cigarette from one hand to the other, and used her newly freed hand to skim down Lily's back and the small swell of her ass, so sweet to the touch. Lily wriggled against her happily, bumping her butt back, a silent invitation.
"Come up here," Kath whispered, and Lily, already knowing what she wanted, was moving up, until Kath could slip a finger inside her from behind. She was so wet, still, so slick, there was no friction at all. She was so warm. Lily straddled Kath's leg and began to move slowly, not in any hurry, just enjoying the ride. Kath continued to finger her as Lily rubbed herself off on her, Kath's leg now wet with Lily. The smell of sex intensified. Then Lily gently moved Kath's free leg aside, spreading her open, and slipped a hand in between, a finger inside. Kath was still sensitive from earlier, but it felt good, this touch. Felt right, a beautiful ache. She moaned and continued to move inside Lily just as Lily moved against and inside her, and for the next while, it was just them, their quiet stuttered breathing, and the scent of lovemaking.
Lily came first, shuddering against Kath, flooding her leg with it, breath hot against Kath's skin. Kath slipped out her finger and, on impulse, brought it to her mouth and licked it off. It tasted entirely of Lily. Then she put her hand over Lily's hand between her legs and sped things up, Lily going immediately with the new rhythm, leaving tender kisses on Kath's chest.
Kath trembled through her own orgasm, less intense than the first had been, but no less pleasurable for it. Afterwards, Lily brought her fingers up to Kath's lips and Kath licked them clean, as well, tasting herself.
They kissed. They held on. They dozed.
*
"What's for dinner?" Lily asked after emerging from the bathroom in a fresh, less fancy, dress. She had pulled her hair back into a low ponytail, and she looked pink-cheeked and bright-eyed. Kath loved her.
"Pasta bolognese," Kath told her, getting out an apron and slipping it on. Kath had already used the bathroom to wash her face and was now preparing for her second favorite way of pleasing Lily: making her a meal.
"Oooh, that sounds good," Lily said in a voice that implied it was some sort of a delicacy instead of a rudimentary dinner, but Kath's pasta bolognese was very good. Her father had taught her, and some lessons you kept. "I can't remember the last time I had Italian."
"Probably when you were with me," Kath said with a small grin as she got out two pots.
"Probably." Lily made herself comfortable at the small kitchen table that really only fit two, and Kath felt her gaze on her as she went into the fridge to retrieve the meat and the veggies. No store-bought pasta sauce for her—all of it was homemade. It took hours, but it was worth it.
Dismayed, Kath turned to Lily. "I forgot to offer you anything! Would you like a beer, a snack? A glass of wine?"
Lily pulled her knees up until she was hugging them, slippered feet resting on the edge of her chair, and smiled. "I'd love a glass of wine."
Lily had discovered wine fairly recently, but she was a convert. Kath preferred to stick with her beer—it was what she knew. Still, she always splurged on a nice bottle of Chianti for whenever Lily visited her, and today was no exception. She grabbed a glass from the cabinet, reached up over the fridge and snagged the bottle she had stashed there. Lily watched her still as Kath poured her a glass, and their fingers met as Kath handed her the wine, lingering.
"What is it?" Kath asked as Lily continued to study her. Had she not washed her face thoroughly enough?
"Nothing," Lily said, then took a small sip of her wine. "I'm just…happy to see you. Even if it's for a short time."
It was short, too short. Two days—not even that, because if Lily wanted to be back in LA by Sunday night, she had to leave late Sunday morning. Really, all they had was tonight and Saturday. Sunday morning. But Kath was determined to make it count.
Cooking always grounded her, and she turned to its rhythms now—chopping, stirring, sprinkling. The whole time she put together the sauce, Lily talked. She talked about her job, about LA, about her roommate.
"You'll really like her when you meet her," Lily said as Kath went to put a bit more salt in the pot. "She's nice. A bit shy, but friendly."
Like someone else I know, Kath thought. Lily wasn't so shy, not anymore, of course, but every now and then, with the right tilt of her head or the widening of her eyes, Kath would be instantly transported back to high school, catching glimpses of Lily in math class, trying her best not to stare outright. Sometimes it felt as though she had always loved Lily, even before she ever laid eyes on her. Sometimes it felt as though she had been born to be Lily's. Sometimes her breath would catch in her throat at the realization.
Other times, she would accept it as given. She was Lily's, and Lily was hers.
Lily seemed to really like LA. She had once told Kath, early on after they met again after high school, that she hated LA because it had taken Kath from her. Kath had hoped that she wouldn't always feel that way, because she knew of Lily's dreams. Now, years down the line, Lily was more than happy to be where she was, as much as she did talk of missing San Francisco. Her parents. Her brothers.
Kath stirred the sauce beyond when it needed it and thought. It wasn't a new thought. It wasn't particularly revelatory. It was simply: they have airfields in LA. At least, closer to LA than Oakland.
Lily couldn't leave the laboratory. It was her life's ambition, or at least the beginning of it. But Kath—what did Kath have in Oakland that couldn't be moved, now that she had her pilot's license? What really kept her here, besides a nebulous sense of gratitude? This was where she had truly grown up. Where she had learned to work, to fly, to take care of herself all on her own. But was it also her future?
She cleared her throat, left the sauce on low to simmer, and walked up to Lily, taking her hand. "Come. Let's go sit on the couch. It'll be more comfortable."
Lily got up with another small smile and leaned in for a kiss before following Kath out to the living room, still holding hands, her wine in her free hand. They settled on the second-hand sofa that Janey had gotten from a friend a few months back. It smelled slightly stale, but it was comfortable enough, and you got used to the smell.
Janey's magazines were strewn across the coffee table, Margaret had forgotten to put her coffee mug into the sink again. Olivia's shoes had taken up permanent residence by the armchair. Before heading out for work, Kath had cleaned up for Lily's visit, but of course, it could never stay neat with three other people living here.
"I'm sorry it's a bit of a mess," she said now as Lily sidled up to her.
"I don't care. It's nice. Homey."
"I guess," Kath said dubiously, then wrapped her arm around Lily. "Do you want to see what's on television?"
Lily shook her head, hair tickling Kath's cheek. "Nah, let's just sit like this. It's nice. Quiet."
Kath wondered for how long. Surely, Margaret and Janey were due back anytime now. Well, until then…
They kissed. Slow, sweet kisses that didn't hurry, or really lead anywhere. Kissing for kissing sake. Kath held Lily and drank her in like the sweetest nectar.
"I've missed you," Lily breathed, warm across Kath's lips. "Have I mentioned that?"
Kath smiled, kissing her high on the cheekbone, the tender spot by her ear that smelled like Kath's shampoo. "Yeah. You have."
Lily huffed, half laugh, half exasperation. "And?"
"And what?" Kath teased. Lily was openly laughing now, even as she playfully shoved Kath's shoulder. "Oh, I'm sorry," Kath allowed. "I've missed you, too."
"Thank you. You better." Then she seemed to sober, smile slipping off her face. Kath watched as she bit her lip, thinking—it was still adorable—and waited. "I'm always missing you," Lily said quietly. She wasn't looking directly at Kath but at where her hands were fiddling with the buttons on Kath's shirt, then smoothing down any wrinkles, then back to the buttons. "Will we ever—never mind."
Kath took in a deep breath. Let it out. "I hope so. Would you…that is, it would entail your family knowing that…we were back in touch." All these years, Lily's family was ignorant of their relationship. It felt safer to both of them, for all they were both adults now, unable to be separated by the whims of their parents. And, of course, Kath's parents hardly knew anything about her now, apart from her address, her phone number, and her job. "If we were in the same city together, surely we'd want…and then…" Something was preventing her from completing her thoughts out loud. Still, she trusted Lily to understand.
Lily looked deep in thought at the question. Her hands stayed high on Kath's chest, just beneath Kath’s collarbone, smoothing down the material where it had bunched up. Her gaze stayed on her hands. "I'm…we're adults now, aren't we? And…Aunt Judy knows. We've never talked about it, but she's a smart lady. She knows me well. And she's not…put off by it. At least that she's told me." Lily sighed and finally looked up to meet Kath's gaze. Those beautiful eyes of hers. Kath always got lost in them. "I don't know how much longer I can live with lying by omission."
Kath's heart thumped painfully in her chest.
"It's not fair. Not to them, not to us," Lily continued. "So if…if we wanted…to be closer, and for us to…I would have to tell them. And they would have to come to terms with it."
Kath swept some hair away from Lily's forehead, watching the progress of her own hand as she did it. "Would they…be upset enough to stop talking to you? Or…make some sort of trouble?" Kath didn't like to think that, but you simply never knew…
Lily frowned, gaze going inward. "I'm not sure. My gut tells me they wouldn't, because they…they do love me. They're just afraid that if I'm a lesbian, it will mean a lonely life. With you beside me, it won't be." A small smile, but bright as sunlight. "Will it?"
"It will not," Kath said, helpless not to smile in return. She took hold of one of Lily's hands and kissed her fingertips one by one. "As long as you want me, you won't be lonely."
Lily pressed her face to Kath's chest, snuggling up as close as they could get. She didn't say anything, but she didn't need to. Kath kissed the top of her head.
That was when the front door clicked and swung open. "Hello!"
Janey was back. Lily made to pull away, but Kath stayed her with a hand. "Hey Janey!" she called out.
"Hi Janey," Lily said shyly from where she was snuggled up against Kath's chest.
"Hey, lovebirds," Janey greeted, unwinding a loose scarf from her neck. "Ohh, something smells good. Bolognese?"
"You know it."
"Yum. You best leave me some, all right?"
"You're not having dinner with us?" Kath frowned.
"It's Friday night, hon," Janey said with a smirk. "I'm only here to freshen up and change, and then it's going out time. Frankie said there's a new queer club to check out. You guys wanna join us? Out to dinner first."
They looked at one another, then Lily wrinkled her nose and shook her head.
"Nah," Kath said, agreeing. "We're going to just hang out here."
"Suit yourselves." Janey winked, and then disappeared down the hallway.
"Guess it's gonna be you, me, and Margaret," Kath said. They both knew Margaret preferred to spend time in her room anyway.
The glint in Lily's eyes was infectious.
While Janey presumably got ready in her room, Kath had to separate from Lily and go check on the sauce, just in case. It was still simmering away, coming together. It would need at least another hour and a half, so she rooted around, coming out with some snacks, including goodies she had gotten at the Chinese bakery across town. They probably didn't hold a candle to what Lily could get back home, but it was something. She brought them out on two plates piled high, much to Lily's laughter.
"We'll spoil our appetite!" she said, even as she was already reaching for a steamed pork bun. A bao, she called it.
"Plenty of time to get hungry again," Kath assured her. "Dinner will be late. I should have started it earlier."
"Nah." Lily bit into her bao. "Mmmm, this is nice!" she said with her mouth full.
Kath smiled, pleased, and grabbed one for herself, tearing off a bit of it at a time. It was good—fluffy, fragrant. It would certainly tide them over before dinner.
Margaret made her appearance a short time later, greeting Lily gruffly, as she did most things. As always, her hands still had some motor oil on them—she was a car mechanic. That was how she and Kath had bonded, early on: both of them in jobs most women would never want, both of them loving it. They'd met at a bar that was mostly patronized by women like them, though it was never advertised as a gay bar, for fear of raids.
Kath had had enough raids to last her a lifetime. One had been more than enough.
"Will you be joining us for dinner?" Lily asked, as Margaret noisily took off her work boots.
"Nah, I'm going out to Pat's. My pal Ramona is working there tonight, so I'll be keeping her company." Kath and Lily exchanged a look. It was well-known that Margaret had held a torch for Ramona for as long as Kath had known her, and it was unclear whether the feelings simply weren't reciprocated, or whether they were and the two of them were just too shy to do anything about it.
This also meant, of course, that the house would be all theirs for the evening. Once more, Lily caught Kath's gaze and grinned.
They would be truly alone, for hours, for the first time in three months.
Tonight was their night.
*
Dinner was finally ready at eight. They were both starving by then, and fell on it like women possessed.
"This is delicious," Lily said even as she was shoving another forkful of pasta in her mouth. "You really do make the best sauce."
Kath smiled, pleased, and privately agreed with Lily. She'd done a good job. She wasn't a particularly inventive cook, maybe, but she was solid, knew her basics.
Afterwards, they decided to see what was on television and proceeded to ignore its blue flickering in the darkened room in favor of more kissing on the couch, horizontal this time. They giggled their way through it, the couch being too short to truly stretch out on, and too narrow to fit two grown women comfortably.
Lily, one foot hanging off the couch, clutched at Kath by the front of her shirt and kept her still for her kisses, not letting go. Kath, propped up by one arm on the edge of the couch, had no intention of going anywhere.
Eventually, they got tired of having to contort themselves, turned off the television, and went into Kath's room, where they didn't even bother with turning on the light. In the dark, they made love to one another slowly, taking their time with each other, fingers running over bare skin, bodies moving in sync, mouths seeking and finding. There was nothing quite like making love to Lily. Her scent, the feel of her beneath Kath, her tender lips and sharp teeth.
Afterwards, Lily got up, naked as the day she was born, grabbed her toiletries bag, and padded out to the bathroom. Kath lit a cigarette, its cherry the only flare of light in the room apart from the streetlights coming in through her half-curtained window. It was a warm night, and they'd rucked down her covers, the sheets tangled by their feet. Kath lay there, uncovered, and thought.
She liked her apartment. Liked her roommates. Loved her job. It would be difficult to let go of all of it, and more difficult still to find another job. But did that mean that she should let that stop her?
Moving away from Oakland would mean moving further away from her family. With her mother just now offering a truce of sorts…
But moving away from Oakland would mean moving closer to Lily, and Kath had made her choice already, a long time ago.
With Lily, she could be herself. With Lily, she was entirely free, as free as she felt up in the skies, and just as in control. There were two things Kath truly couldn't live without, and if she could have them both at the same time, what was stopping her?
Lily would be here for another thirty-six hours, and then they would have to say goodbye again, for God only knew how long. It wasn't often they could afford to take a day off work, or buy those bus tickets.
Were Kath to find something closer to LA…
Besides, the weather in LA was certainly better. That was something Lily had told her more than once in her attempts to tempt Kath. Well, Kath was tempted now. Tempted, and possibly ready. She hadn't been ready before.
Lily came back in wrapped in a towel—she must have showered. Her hair was damp and her skin damp-warm as she took off her towel and wordlessly lowered herself onto Kath with a grin that flashed in the dark. "Hi." Her breath smelled of mint.
Kath, aware that hers very much didn't, put out her cigarette and said, "Hi. Let me go wash up, too."
Lily shook her head, cool strands of hair sliding across Kath's chest. "No, stay. You can wash up after."
"After? After what?"
Lily slid down her body and showed her.
*
It was one in the morning, and Kath was awake. Lily was in her arms, back to her chest, and she was breathing evenly. Asleep. Kath looked out the window—all she could see was the dark sky, no stars to be seen even in the middle of the night—as thoughts continued to spin in her mind.
She could ask Benson for a reference; she was pretty sure he would be more than happy to give her one. She had enough hours under her belt to recommend her, anyway. She wasn't as seasoned as some pilots, but she wasn't completely green, either.
And pilots—pilots were surely needed everywhere, even female ones.
She tried to picture it: coming home to Lily. After a long flight, or a long day fixing up planes, covered in motor oil and sweat, with Lily helping her take off her dirty clothes, her shoes, then helping her into the shower, if she was tired enough to need it, which she oftentimes was. Making them both dinner, night after night, expanding her repertoire. Perhaps Lily could even show her how to make Chinese dishes, Kath learning from her. Birthdays, spent together. Nights, spent just like this.
"You're thinking so hard," Lily whispered, which was when Kath realized that Lily hadn't been asleep at all.
"Sorry, am I keeping you awake? Are you uncomfortable?"
Lily shifted in her arms until they were face to face. In the blue darkness, Kath could see the outlines of her features—the darkness of her eyes and mouth, the paleness of her skin. Kath's hand found Lily's hip, strayed further behind. Lily wriggled closer. "What's going on in there?" Lily asked as she gently tapped Kath's forehead.
Kath huffed out a laugh, squeezed Lily's soft ass. "Thinking."
"What about?"
"Us," Kath said simply. "You and me."
Lily appeared to tense, lying utterly still. "Yeah? What about us?"
Kath chewed on her lip, then ran a finger across Lily's forehead, sweeping aside a few stray hairs. "About what I want. From us. From you. From me."
Lily was quiet for a moment, and Kath watched as she blinked—once, twice. "And what did you come up with?"
Kath swallowed. She knew Lily loved her. Was certain of it. But still, her nerves made themselves known. There was always the off-chance that Lily might not want all of Kath, all of the time. What if she asked this, and Lily let her down easy? Or Lily agreed, but the reality of it would ruin them? There was always a chance, wasn't there?
But there was, equally, always a chance of success. All Kath had to do was leap.
"I want to move closer to you," she began, her voice quiet. "If not LA, then somewhere closer than this. I want us to be together. Every night, like this. Making dinner, making love. Until it becomes old hat. Until it's all we know." She stopped there, holding her breath.
"You'd want that?" Lily's voice sounded so small in the dark. "Really, Kath? Truly?"
Kath's heart picked up. Thump-thump, thump-thump. "Yes. More than anything."
"What about your job?" Lily was rising up on her elbow now, almost looming over Kath. The scent of her soap and Kath's sheets enveloped them. Kath wanted desperately to hug her, hug all of her to her body, skin to skin, chest to chest, hip to hip.
"I'll find another. They always need pilots and mechanics."
"Why now?"
Good question. Kath shrugged. "I think I wasn't quite ready before."
"But you're ready now?" Lily demanded, urgent. "Kath, are you sure?"
Kath slid a hand beneath Lily's jaw, then further up until she was holding onto the back of her head, Lily's hair tickling her fingers. "I've never been more sure of anything in my whole life," she said, and meant it.
Lily's kiss was like fire, all-engulfing, breathless, roaring. Any doubts and worries Kath had been harboring in her heart were instantly burned away by it. Lily's hands were all over Kath, and her mouth demanded entry again and again and again. Kath gave it to her, every time. Over and over and over she gave it to her, giving Lily everything. Taking all of Lily in return.
"Would we live together, then?" Lily whispered, breath coming in short.
"I would want to," Kath told her. "I would want that more than anything. To have a house with you. To live as though we were married."
"Married," Lily said, her voice full of wonder. "Imagine if we could be. Imagine that, Kath."
"We can be, in all but name." Her heart really was threatening to jump straight out of her chest. "If that's what you want."
"Of course that's what I want," Lily said, voice rising in excitement. "It's all I want. My Kath."
"My Lily."
They kissed and kissed and kissed. In the dark, they pressed up close and didn't let go. Lily's warmth met Kath's, and Kath kissed every bit of her that she could reach: the spot behind her ear; her neck, so sensitive that goosebumps rose every time Kath came near it; her breasts; her belly; the apex of her thighs. Between her thighs. Lily breathed harshly, her touch searing, and allowed every kiss that Kath bestowed. Afterwards, she responded in kind, her fire meeting Kath's skin, burning her up.
It wouldn't be easy, this plan. It would involve Kath having to prove herself to someone new, prove that even though she was a woman, she was a worthy pilot, a worthy mechanic. Prove that women could do it as well as men. There were no guarantees. It was possible no one would take her. But she would try. For Lily, she would try again and again, until she got the answer she sought.
Lily's family would be an obstacle. Kath's family might even be one. But they would make it work. For this, for what they could have, Kath would give it her all. And she knew now, knew for certain, that Lily would, as well.
They would make it work. Even in the darkest hour of the night, their future felt bright and shining. She had Lily in her arms, and Lily had her. As long as they had each other, they really could do anything—and they would. Together.
The End