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Rantaro thought that, after having such a long discussion with Kokichi, the issue regarding him and Shuichi would’ve been resolved. Sure, there’d still be the inevitable confession, but Rantaro’s part in the whole thing would be over with.
Apparently, that was wishful thinking.
“Kokichi it’s two in the morning,” Rantaro groaned, lying back on his bed.
He watched as Kokichi flitted about the room, flipping through the ridiculously thick binder in his hands. Every so often he’d grab a marker and go to the whiteboard that he had unceremoniously shoved through Rantaro’s door and write something on it. Or erase something on it. Or just stare at it before going back to flipping through his binder.
Sometimes he’d grab a pencil and start writing in that too. Sometimes he’d just rip out an entire page, letting it flutter to the floor as he started pacing the room once more. It was exhausting just to look at.
“I was originally thinking of going off-campus for something but that won’t work,” Kokichi rambled, “I don’t want him to feel backed into a corner or forced to say yes just because we’ll have to travel back together.”
“It’s not like you’re driving him,” Rantaro argued, “I don’t think having to take the same train back together is that much of a big deal.”
“It is! Especially because it’s just the two of us. And arguably, not being able to drive makes it worse. Because it's not like he can call someone else to pick him up, since none of our friends can drive! He’d be stuck with me, and that’d put unfair pressure on him!”
Rantaro sighed, “Ok, fine. So you’re staying on campus. There’s plenty of stuff to do here.”
“Yes, but it can’t be somewhere public.”
“Why not?”
“Pressure! Come on, keep up Taro! Shumai is anxious as hell, no audience. …But also not too isolated.”
“Kokichi!”
“What?! Think about it! My room would practically guarantee no audience, but then he’s all alone with me in a soundproof room.”
“Kokichi, you two are great friends. He’s not gonna think you’re gonna hurt him if he says no!”
“But it’s soundproof! No one can hear you scream! Speaking of which, why did they make the dorms soundproof? Isn’t that, like, really dangerous?”
“If those with music-based talents want to practice their skills at like, five am they probably didn’t want the other students getting mad,” Rantaro guessed, “They have to accommodate both those studying and those making tons of noise. Soundproof just makes sense.”
“Still! Dangerous.”
“Then don’t go to yours. Go to his room. Since it’s his he can just kick you out can’t he?”
Kokichi was silent for a moment, “…Would that be better or worse?”
“Kokichi, you have to pick something.”
“I will!”
“In two years?”
Kokichi huffed, turning away from Rantaro to write on the board some more.
“I’ll… figure this out,” he stated.
Getting out of bed, Rantaro walked over to Kokichi and stole the binder from his hands.
“Hey!” Kokichi cried, “Give that back!”
“Let’s see,” Rantaro said, flipping through the binder as he held it high enough so that Kokichi couldn’t reach, “You’ve crossed out going to the arcade and going to a cafe. No to movies, both in the AV room and in the theater. You’re against going to the courtyard, the gym, or the swimming pool. You’ve knocked off the library… Kokichi, you've just removed practically everything.”
Kokichi took a running jump, practically tripping over his own two feet as he ripped the binder from Rantaro’s hands.
“You don’t get it!” he insisted, “Flowers or chocolates are too cliche. I was thinking maybe a scavenger hunt or a secret admirer thing, but I don’t want him to get overly anxious. After all, if you don’t want to get into a relationship, you can’t even turn the person down until they’ve done so much stuff already and then it gets really awkward. I considered an escape room, but those are more fun with other people, and with the two of us only it’d just be too easy. I wouldn’t even get to make fun of Astrodork. Plus, off-campus, off-limits.”
“I promise you, I may have no understanding of romance, but these things can’t possibly be this complicated,” Rantaro said.
Kokichi ignored him, “Movies are a no-go because of his parents. I know that’s probably overly cautious, we’ve watched movies before, but I want to get this as far removed from them as possible!”
“Aka you’re paranoid,” translated Rantaro.
“Anything outside is beholden to the weather and I don’t like that. Things like any of the rec rooms or common rooms could have lots of people in them, same with the dining hall. And you can’t make a lot of noise in the library. I don't want that limitation.”
“Buddy, just relax for a minute will you?”
“It has to be something unique but not too far out of his comfort zone. Something so that, if he says no, can just turn into a pleasant memory of two friends hanging out. But that, if he says yes, holds a romantic energy.”
Rantaro was about to interrupt again but stopped. He took in the shakiness of Kokichi’s hands. The way the disorganized papers inside the binder made a quiet rustling as they shook. The bags under his eyes. The almost manic energy in Kokichi’s eyes as he desperately tried to perfect the unperfectible.
Something unique and “not boring” enough for him to be satisfied, but nothing too extreme to make Shuichi uncomfortable. Not so many people around that he felt pressured, but not so little that he felt trapped. Something romantic enough to make for a good story, but casual enough so that it could fade into a friendly outing.
It had to be everything and nothing at the same time. Kokichi had talked to him once about the predictability of people and of life in general. He’d made life sound so boring and then went on to explain how he liked to add some spice to it all by messing stuff up in silly and fun ways.
It was at the tail end of the conversation that Kokichi had gotten quiet. And in that quiet, he’d admitted that some people didn’t fit neatly into that boring predictably. There were some people that nobody could predict, no matter what.
He’d never named names, but looking at Kokichi at that moment? Rantaro had a pretty good hunch Shuichi was one of them.
“Maybe I should’ve just stuck with the text message,” Kokichi breathed, voice barely audible.
“Ok,” Rantaro said, gently grabbing Kokichi by the shoulders and rubbing circles into his arm, “I think it’s time you go to bed.”
“No!” Kokichi said, twisting out of Rantaro’s hold, “I’ve gotta get this down!”
“Buddy, you’re exhausted. You need rest.”
“Not until I finish this!”
And there was that tired stubbornness that had caused Rantaro so much trouble over the years. From toddlers unwilling to take their midday naps to teenagers cramming for tests, it seemed he would never be free from dragging the people around him to bed.
Kokichi was a difficult one. Even if Rantaro could get him into bed, he was the kind to sneak a flashlight under the covers to continue whatever he was doing. It would be endearing, if it wasn’t such a hassle. He needed a different approach.
“How ‘bout this,” Rantaro suggested, “You could fancy up your original idea. Instead of a text message, why don’t you write him a letter?”
“A letter?”
“Yeah. You can hardly pressure someone with a letter. Plus, it means you can really think about what you want to say. You could write all the worries you talked to me about in the letter, so that you already have a jumping-off point when you talk to him about it.”
“I-”
“You could have a nice hang out the day before. Go wherever you want, it’s not like it’s a date or you're confessing, so no worries. Treat it like a regular outing. Then, give him the letter the next day. Hand it to him in person, slip it under his door, sneak it into his pocket, however you like. Then, when he feels comfortable, he can talk to you about it. Write that he can choose the place and time. Completely removes the issue. Sounds good?”
Kokichi seemed to freeze, and Rantaro watched with bated breath, desperately hoping that he would agree to it. Honestly, Rantaro felt that all of the ideas listed in the binder were good. Kokichi could flip to a random page and choose any one and it’d be fine. Whether that was because of Rantaro’s lack of knowledge on romance or because they were all actually good ideas, he had no clue, but that was beside the point.
The point was that Kokichi needed to go to bed. And he needed to stop stressing about something so minor. So Rantaro was going to kill two birds with one stone and get the hyperactive teen to sleep.
“I… guess that could work.”
Success!
“Great! Now, how ‘bout we write that letter… in the morning?”
Kokichi grimaced, but finally relented, “Ok. But you’re helping me write it!”
Rantaro chuckled, “If you insist. Now?”
“Yeah, yeah, I’m going.”
Kokichi gathered up all his things, including the giant whiteboard, and slowly pushed it out the door.
“Also, where did you get that?” Rantaro asked.
Kokichi smiled, “A villain never reveals his secrets!”
“Isn’t it ‘a magician never reveals their secrets?’”
“Shush!”
Rantaro rolled his eyes and watched as the door slammed shut. Then he flopped back down on his bed, determined to get some more sleep before Kokichi inevitably woke him up early again.
Four hours later, at exactly six o'clock in the morning, Rantaro’s door burst open yet again.
“It’s technically morning now!” Kokichi said with a smile, “Now up and at ‘em! You’ve got a letter to help me with.”
It was so reminiscent of his sister Toshiko that Rantaro couldn’t even be mad. Couldn’t even bring himself to groan into his pillow like he wanted. Instead, he just sighed and dragged himself up into a sitting position.
“Alright,” he said, “What are you thinking for the opening?”
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Shuichi’s relationship with love was… complicated.
He’d spent a large portion of his life clinging to love from his parents that didn’t exist and rebuking love from his Aunt and Uncle that he felt he didn’t deserve. He’d taken more infidelity cases than he could count, on more than one occasion he’d confused adoration for a crush, and it’d taken him longer to realize and accept that he was bi than it had to realize and accept he was trans.
Love was not something he had a handle on. He’d been hurt by it. A lot. He’d willingly accepted all the terrible things his parents had done to him in the name of love. Every mean word and every crazy demand. Every night he went to bed hungry and every time he pushed through a cold rather than let himself rest. It was all for them. It was all for their love.
And once they’d abandoned him? He worked himself to the brink before even considering he could be worth a smidge of the kindness his Aunt and Uncle threw his way.
Of course, he was better now. He knew now that what his parents did was wrong. That he didn’t deserve all the pain they’d put him through, and that what they’d done wasn’t love. He knew that he didn’t have to do anything to be worthy of his Aunt and Uncle’s affection, and that he wasn’t racking up more debt or making their life worse simply by existing in their house.
He’d learned that he could have friends. And that those friends liked him for who he was, not what he could do. That he didn’t have to provide some service to them to be worthy of their time.
He still found himself tripping up from time to time, but he was in a much better place than when he started Hope’s Peak, and he was finally starting to get a grasp on what real love was.
Despite that, it still came as a surprise to him when he realized he’d fallen in love.
Was love too strong of a word for it? Shuichi honestly didn’t know. It’d taken him a solid week to even figure out what emotion it was. For a while, he was certain it was intrigue mixed with some unique subset of joy. He wasn’t even sure what tipped him off that it wasn’t. Just that one day that explanation seemed to fit, and the next it didn’t.
He’d treated it like a case in need of cracking, as embarrassing as that sounded. He needed to solve the mystery of his emotions, and solve it he did.
After spending far too much time on sparkly pink websites made for pre-teen girls, checking out a few nonfiction books on the subject, and even reading an excerpt from one of the Ultimate Writing Prodigy’s well-known romance novels (in which she described a character falling in love in immense detail), he’d closed the case.
Shuichi Saihara had a crush on Kokichi Oma.
He had no idea what to do with that information.
The sparkly website said that he should confess. And that made sense. After all, what else were you supposed to do after realizing you were in love with someone? But something held Shuichi back from doing that. And he was frustrated to find that he didn’t know what.
It wasn’t fear of rejection, that much was sure. Shuichi was good friends with Kokichi. He knew how he operated. If he didn’t love him back, at worst he’d make a silly little quip about Shuichi falling for him before letting him down gently. The topic would likely never be brought up again till the end of time. There’d be no chance of their friendship ending, literally zero negative consequences, and things would go back to normal pretty much immediately. So there really wasn’t anything to be scared about on that front.
Why then, was he hesitating? Whenever he thought about confessing, about the chance that said confession might even be reciprocated, an uncomfortable twisting feeling wriggled up inside him next to the joy.
He didn’t like it. He liked the happy, bubbly sensation that came forth whenever Kokichi laughed. He liked the warmth that spread through his body whenever Kokichi dragged him along to play. He liked the satisfaction that came whenever he figured out another one of Kokichi’s pranks or lies. But he didn’t like that strange, uncomfortable, horrible feeling.
Strange. Was it strange? He wasn’t sure why but it almost felt familiar. Like an old feeling flipped on its head. He didn’t understand it. It’d taken him a while just to figure out he was in love, and after all that he now had to figure out what the odd second emotion was.
He couldn’t confess until after he knew. He had to sort everything out first.
“Shuichi!” Kokichi called, barreling into him from behind, “I’ve been looking all over for you. Hmph! I was starting to think you were avoiding me!”
There wasn’t any harm in hanging with Kokichi while he figured it all out though. That secondary emotion could be put on the back burner.
“Kokichi, it's breakfast.”
“And?”
“I saw you yesterday.”
“Yeah but that was like ten hours ago or whatever!” Kokichi whined, “And you totally came to breakfast late on purpose.”
Shuichi couldn’t help but chuckle, “Had a little trouble with my hair today. I humbly apologize if I kept you waiting.”
It felt like such an odd sentence coming out of his mouth. Shuichi hadn’t had to worry about making his hair presentable for such a long time. There’s no need to deal with hat hair if you never go out without your hat after all. Before he’d just tap it down slightly with his hands and shove his hat on. Now he actually had to put in effort to make it appear as if he hadn’t just rolled out of bed.
He’d be lying if he said that hadn’t motivated him to keep his hat on at least once. Ever since taking his hat off for the first time, he’d been wearing it less and less, but it was hardly a cold-turkey solution. No, he wore his hat for a whole week straight after taking it off, and he still wore it more than he didn’t.
No hat days were very good days. Days where he woke up feeling particularly happy, with enough confidence to walk out the door without it. He was taking it slow, one day at a time. There was no time limit in effect. He could take as much time as he needed. Slowly transitioning from wearing it all of the time, to wearing it most of the time, to some of the time, to none of the time.
It helped that all of his friends seemed to light up whenever he walked in the door hatless. Their smiles were the best form of motivation he could get.
“Well… since you apologized I suppose it’s alright,” Kokichi teased, “But only if you hang out with me today as compensation!”
“You know you could just ask?”
“I am asking!”
Shuichi smiled, “I suppose you are. Then yes. I’d love to hang out with you today.”
“Great!” Kokichi exclaimed, “Then meet me at the front gates after breakfast!”
“Oh?”
“Yep! We’re going off-campus. Or would my beloved rather stay here for the day?”
Shuichi’s heart fluttered when Kokichi called him his “beloved.” The term of endearment wasn’t anything new, but it’d started tripping Shuichi up recently. It was just so sweet, the little things Kokichi did without thinking. The nicknames he gave everyone seemed to be second nature, and Shuichi couldn’t help but be happy whenever he heard one thrown his way.
“I’m fine going off-campus,” he said, “Though I’ll likely bring my hat.”
“That’s fine! I’ll miss seeing Shumai’s face, but I can deal.”
“Hey, sidekick!” Kaito called from one of the dining hall tables, “You gonna stand there chatting all day or you gonna eat? I already got you a plate!”
“Be right there!” Shuichi called before turning to Kokichi, “I’ll see you in a bit?”
Kokichi nodded before skipping off, “Don’t be late!”
Thirty minutes later, after breakfast with Kaito and Maki, Shuichi walked to the front gate. Hat placed securely on his head, he was only there for two minutes before he saw Kokichi walking towards him.
“No way!” Kokichi let out a fake gasp, “You made it here before me?”
“Well, you did tell me not to be late.”
“True, true. Well then, I guess we’re off!” Kokichi shouted, walking out the front gate.
“Where to?” Shuichi asked, following beside him.
“To the train station, of course!”
Shuichi rolled his eyes, “And then?”
“To a very fun place I haven’t been in a while!”
“Oh?”
“Trust me. You’ll like it! Besides, it’s no fun if I spoil the surprise.”
“If you say so.”
After a bit of a walk, the two purchased their train tickets and got on. Sitting side by side, Shuichi looked out the window at the rushing scenery and tried to guess where they were going.
Kokichi had insisted on buying both the tickets, going out of his way to make sure he didn’t get a peek at the location printed on them. No doubt if Shuichi was persistent he would give in and show them, but where was the fun in that? Shuichi trusted him. His desire to know where they were going was curiosity, not anxiety, and it was clear that Kokichi could tell.
It likely wasn’t a coincidence that the offer to hang out off-campus came on a day Shuichi showed up without his hat. No, it was a calculated choice, same with the little guessing game. He knew Shuichi was having a good day, so there wasn’t any risk in having some fun.
The thought made Shuichi smile. That Kokichi knew him that well. That Kokichi was that considerate.
“Watcha thinking about?” Kokichi drawled.
“Just trying to guess where we’re headed based on direction.”
Kokichi smiled wide and cheeky, “You’re never gonna get it.”
“You’ve got that little faith in me?”
“Wha- No! I’ve got more faith in you than like… most of our class. It’s just that I’ve been to places you’ve never been.”
“True. I’m not exactly well-traveled.”
“Meanwhile I’ve been across the entire world, building my underground empire!”
“Sure you have.”
Kokichi put his hand on his chest, faking a gasp, “Do you doubt me? I’ve been to all five hundred countries, including Antarctica.”
“There’s not even five hundred countries in the world.”
“How do you know?”
“Cause that’s way too high of a number.”
“Well then, smartypants. How many countries are there?”
That caused Shuichi to stop. Now that he thought about it… he actually didn’t know. Sure, he’d learned about plenty of countries in school and on his own time, but he couldn’t recall ever being given a number.
Pulling out his phone, he gave Kokichi a smile, “Let’s find out.”
Surprisingly, the answer was nowhere as clear-cut as Shuichi expected it to be. The train ride went by in a flash as the two scoured through multiple articles regarding the recognition of countries, how places actually got classified as such, and what the UNs role in all of it was. Apparently, country and nation were not as synonymous as Shuichi thought they were, and depending on who you asked Scotland was not a country. Kokichi had a field day with it all, claiming that the concept of a country was itself a lie, seeing as the number could fluctuate from two hundred and fifty-two to one hundred and ninety-five.
It was not at all how Shuichi thought he’d be spending his time, but it was that kind of spontaneity that made hanging out with Kokichi so fun. They could be casually chatting one minute and coming up with their own list of countries the next. Simply having some tea only to transition to a ridiculously serious Uno match. Kokichi mixed things up in a way that helped keep Shuichi on his toes, while still being fun and not too stressful.
“Too,” being the keyword there. Seeing as there certainly was a bit of stress when they almost missed their stop. They’d just gotten so invested in the conversation! The wide-eyed look on Kokichi’s face was a sight to behold as he quickly grabbed Shuichi’s hand and rushed them off the train just as the doors closed behind them.
“You know,” Shuichi said, “seeing as you’re the only one who actually knows where we’re going, I expected you to be paying closer attention.”
“I was distracted!” Kokichi argued, “And besides, I got us off the train in time.”
“Barely.”
“Barely is good enough!”
Shuichi laughed, “I suppose it is. Now then, are you able to point us in the right direction or are you still too distracted?”
“Hmph!” Kokichi pouted, crossing his arms over his chest, “I’m perfectly capable of doing so.”
Spinning on his heel, Kokichi began walking down the sidewalk. Smiling, Shuichi followed beside him.
“By the way,” he said, “I don’t blame you for getting distracted. Especially seeing as I’m kinda the one who distracted you.”
“And what a wonderful distraction it was!” agreed Kokichi, “To think, all our teachers have been lying to us!”
“I wouldn’t go that far. Although it certainly was interesting. You know, I wonder what Rantaro thinks about it all.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah. He’s been to so many different places, how does he view them?”
“Hmmm. We’ll have to ask him! I’ll make sure to bug him about it tomorrow!”
The two continued chatting as they walked to their destination. Shuichi watched as they entered a relatively suburban area, with only the occasional shop or restaurant. The place was quiet, and what little leaves still remained on the trees were quickly blown off by the wind.
“What are we doing here?” Shuichi asked.
Kokichi’s smile gave away nothing, “You’ll see.”
It only took a little longer before they arrived, stopping in front of a rather simple building covered in bright primary colors.
“The Swing?” Shuichi read off the front sign.
“Yep! I know it doesn’t look like much, but trust me. I think you’ll like it.”
Shuichi watched as Kokichi opened the door for him, dropping into a dramatic bow as if he was a prince. Shuichi rolled his eyes and walked inside, surveying his surroundings as Kokichi followed behind him.
The bright solid wall colors continued into the building, contrasted by the black carpet with neon swirls. The place was surprisingly well lit, with kitschy decorations scattering the place and the soft sound of… arcade machines?
Walking into the main room, Shuichi found his suspicions confirmed. He was in an arcade. A small one, With an odd assortment of games he’d never seen before in his life. Hope’s Peak had a small game room that branched off of the rec room, but it housed mostly consoles. Shelves filled to the brim with random titles Shuichi had never heard of or played.
But arcade machines? Well, Shuichi had never been to an arcade. The whole place was foreign to him, and he found his gaze flitting from one spot to another quickly. He spotted what looked like a couple of skeeball cabinets, some racing games, an air hockey table, pinball, what looked to be a DDR machine, and more. It was a lot to take in, but the noise level was low and the place seemed pretty much empty.
Shuichi watched as Kokichi saddled up next to him, face neutral as he took in Shuichi’s reaction.
“Hey!” a voice called from his left, “Well, if it isn’t the devil himself. Been a while since I’ve seen you in these parts. Where’s your crew?”
Shuichi turned to see a dark-skinned lady waving at the two of them from behind the main counter. Wavy hair held up in a ponytail, it poofed out behind her and settled somewhere near the bottom of her neck, brushing against the collar of her white polo shirt. From her gaze, it appeared as if she was addressing Kokichi, and Shuichi looked between the two in confusion.
Kokichi stuck out his tongue, “Wouldn’t you like to know.”
The lady behind the counter chuckled, “Fine, fine, keep your secrets. At the very least are you gonna introduce me to your new friend?”
“Ugh, if I must,” with a dramatic flourish, Kokichi gestured to Shuichi, “Ms. Fujimori, meet my beloved Shumai. Shumai, meet Ms. Fujimori. She runs this place.”
Ah. Well, that made sense. Although it did make Shuichi wonder how often Kokichi went to the arcade. To be on such friendly terms with the owner… Shuichi couldn’t recall any place that knew him that well. Perhaps his Uncle’s office? But seeing as he essentially worked there, he didn’t think that counted.
“Uh, hi,” Shuichi said, sticking out his hand, “I’m Shuichi Saihara. Nice to meet you. I’m Kokichi’s friend. We go to school together.”
“Oh, do you now?” Ms. Fujimori asked, shaking his hand, “Right, right. You got into that Hope’s Peak. So you’re both Ultimates?”
“Yep!” Kokichi exclaimed, “You’re looking at the Ultimate Supreme Leader himself! Best of the best!”
“And I’m the Ultimate Detective,” Shuichi added, pulling his hat down a bit.
“A Supreme Leader and a Detective? Well, ain’t you two a couple of cards. Never thought I’d see the day Kokichi became friends with anyone even slightly rule-abiding.”
“Hey! Rude!” Kokichi whined.
“Oh, hush.”
“So, you run this place?” Shuichi asked.
“Yep! Welcome to The Swing! Been running this place for over ten years now.”
“Ten years? Wow,” Shuichi said, looking around the empty arcade, “How did you, uh… stay around so long?”
Ms. Fujimori chuckled, “Don’t have to be so polite, kid. I know the place looks deserted. Ironically, we get more traffic on weekdays than the weekends.”
“Really?”
“I know. Counterintuitive. But this place is just a short walk from the middle school. And with, well not much else to do in the area, they tend to come here after school. It’s not uncommon for this place to be packed at three pm on a Tuesday. Kids doing homework in between bites of pizza and rounds of air hockey.”
“I see. Ah, but on weekends-”
“Exactly. It’s a hop, skip, and a jump from school, but a bit too far from home. And since it's the weekend, most of their parents are home. Which means they can take them to places farther away that are much more fun.”
“Makes sense.”
“Yeah, but who would want to be here when there’s such a large crowd,” Kokichi argued, “On weekends we practically have this place to ourselves!”
Ms. Fujimori smiled, “It’s not often Kokichi and his crew are here. But when they show up, it’s almost exclusively on the weekends.”
“Alright, alright, enough talking!” Kokichi exclaimed, “Are we gonna play some games or what?”
Ms. Fujimori nodded and started messing around with a console on the counter.
“How many credits you want?” she asked, “Also, you gonna be playing off the same card, or you want two separate cards?”
“Hmmmm,” Kokichi made a show of thinking the question over, “What do you think, Shuichi? Wanna pool our resources?”
“That makes sense. Especially since one card with a certain amount of credits likely costs less than two cards with half each. Right?”
“Smart man,” Ms. Fujimori said, “And how many credits?”
“A hundred!” Kokichi shouted, and Ms. Fujimori nodded.
“If you say so.”
Loading up the card, she handed it to Kokichi.
“Thank you,” Shuichi said.
“No problem. Let me know when you two get hungry. I’ll whip some stuff up in the kitchen.”
“Awesome! Now come on!” Kokichi yelled, grabbing Shuichi by the arm and pulling him towards the games, “Let’s play!”
“Ok, Ok! So, uh. What are we doing first?” Shuichi asked.
“That’s up for you to decide!”
“Huh?”
“Come on! What catches your eye?”
Shuichi looked around the room. He didn’t know how much a hundred credits was worth, and he didn’t know anything about the games. Didn’t some games give tickets, while others didn’t? Was he supposed to maximize their credit to ticket value? In that case, he should pick something based on his and Kokichi’s skills, as well as one that gave high payouts. But could he figure that out just by looking at them?
“Ok,” Kokichi interrupted, “You’re overthinking this way too much. I can tell.”
Shuichi blushed, “Sorry.”
“Don’t apologize! Just choose something that looks fun! Don’t worry about anything else.”
Right. The point was to have fun. Duh. He needed to relax a bit. He took a deep breath, held it, and let it go.
Alright. Something fun.
“Is that a motorcycle racing game?” Shuichi asked.
“Oooh! Nice choice!” Kokichi said, skipping over to the game, “These are even more fun than the car ones. The setup is just that much more immersive!”
“Really?”
“Uh-huh!” he said, and swiped the card on two of the machines, “Plus, we can race against each other! I’m gonna totally crush you in this!”
Kokichi did, in fact, crush Shuichi in the game. But Shuichi couldn’t have cared less, seeing as it was just so much fun. The artificial wind, the vibrations of the motorcycle, and the ridiculously overcomplicated tracks and power-ups. It was beyond silly, but there was a harmless fun to it that brought a smile to his lips.
After that, Shuichi felt himself loosen up. He happily challenged Kokichi to a round of air hockey, played against him in a basketball game, and competed in skeeball. The two worked their way through every game in the little arcade, working together and competing against each other. Amassing a large number of tickets along the way. Once they’d played through everything they looped back around to their favorites and played them again.
It was during another round of air hockey (they’d managed to tie, both with five wins) that Shuichi heard Kokichi’s stomach growl and he called out to Ms. Fujimori.
“Think you could get started on that pizza?” Kokichi asked.
“Sure thing!” she called back, “Any toppings?”
Kokichi looked at Shuichi.
“Oh! Uh, no. I’m good.”
“Plain’s fine!” Kokichi answered.
“Got it! I’ll let you know when it’s ready.”
“Thanks!”
Shuichi took Kokichi’s moment of distraction to score on him. The affronted noise he let out made the smile that was starting to drop on Shuichi’s face return.
“Whoops,” Shuichi said, not sorry in the slightest.
Grabbing the puck and putting it back on the air hockey table, Kokichi leaned forward, “Well after that, now I just refuse to let you win.”
How Kokichi managed to score his next point, Shuichi couldn’t tell. One minute the puck was gently floating on the table, the next it had already gone through Shuichi’s goal.
“Wha-I-huh?!”
The laughter bubbling out of Kokichi made the confusion worth it, even as the inquisitive part of his mind raced to figure out just how he moved that quickly and accurately. Or why, if he could score that quickly, he hadn’t been mercilessly kicking Shuichi’s ass.
“Something wrong?” Kokichi cheekily asked, hands behind his head.
An odd boldness filled Shuichi, and he rode that emotion as he put the puck back on the table.
“You’re doing that again,” he commanded.
“I’m sorry?” Kokichi asked, looking genuinely surprised.
Shuichi gestured to the puck, then to Kokichi.
“I’m figuring out how you did that,” he slid the puck to the other side of the table, “Again.”
Kokichi’s face went blank for a second, before a sly grin appeared.
“If you insist.”
By the time they were called for their food Kokichi had triple the points Shuichi had, and Shuichi had learned a whole new strategy for air hockey.
He’d gotten so distracted by the diversion that he’d even forgotten why his smile had almost dropped in the first place. The pizza on the table was happy to remind him, though, and Shuichi had to actively work to shove every horrible thing his mother had ever said about food out of his mind.
“I know I’m evil, but I can assure you I did not have Ms. Fujimori put a bomb in our pizza.”
“Huh?”
“You were looking at that pizza like it was a bomb,” Kokichi explained.
“Oh. Sorry. I just… don’t usually eat greasy food,” Shuichi said, “Actually… I’m not even sure if I’ve had pizza before.”
The blank face returned and remained as Kokichi said, “Well that’s just a crime against humanity.”
“Wha- No it isn’t!”
“It absolutely is. You have not lived if you haven’t had pizza.”
“That can not be true.”
“It’s pizza,” Kokichi insisted, “Especially pizza like this? Well, I’d just be a horrible leader if one of my subordinates had never tried pizza.”
“I’m not part of your organization,” Shuichi reminded.
“Not yet,” Kokichi argued.
Shuichi shook his head fondly. Staring at the slice on his plate, he tried to will every reassurance Kaito had given him about food to the forefront of his mind. He took a deep breath. It was always the starting that was the hardest. He’d made giant strides when it came to food, but the act of putting something on his plate and the act of beginning to eat were always the ones that still tripped him up. He just needed to start and he’d likely be fine.
“Close your eyes,” Kokichi said.
“Huh?”
“Close your eyes.”
Brow raised, Shuichi did as he was told.
“Ok?”
“Good. Now open your mouth.”
“You are not feeding me,” Shuichi said, realizing what was going on.
“You can’t fret about food if you’re not seeing it!”
“That makes no sense whatsoever.”
“Come on,” Kokichi whined, “I bet it’ll work.”
Despite his eyes being closed, he rolled them anyway.
“You know what? Sure. Why not?”
“Yes!”
A laugh burst from Shuichi at that exclamation.
“You are way too happy about this.”
“People who are eating can’t sass me.”
Shuichi laughed more.
Having food shoved in his mouth with his eyes closed was certainly a new experience, one just absurd enough to distract him from his other worries. The feeling of grease and melty cheese brought a bunch of conflicting emotions to the front, but he ignored them all in favor of taking another bite. Eventually opening his eyes and taking the slice for himself, he shot Kokichi a grateful smile.
“It’s not terrible,” he said.
“That’s it?!” Kokichi exclaimed, starting on his own slice.
“I can certainly see why people like it,” Shuichi elaborated, “There’s something to it, I’m not sure what, that’s…warm. I’m just… still not quite used to it.”
“Fair,” Kokichi said, “One day you will be. And that warm feeling? That’s why pizza is a comfort food.”
The casual statement of belief, that one day he would be used to foods like pizza, brought an entirely different warmth to Shuichi’s chest. He hoped that he could live up to those expectations. That he would continue to grow and that his friends would continue to be proud of him for it. Embracing that feeling and holding it close to his chest, he took another bite of pizza.
He watched Kokichi guzzle down a bottle of panta along with his slice.
“Does that even taste good?” Shuichi asked.
“What, you want to try soda too?” Kokichi asked, holding out the bottle.
Immediately he shook his head, “Nope! Not ready for that.”
“Yet,” Kokichi said with a smile, and took another sip.
After the two had finished eating, they went back to playing games for a couple more hours, before finally calling it a day. Walking up to the prize counter, arms full of tickets, Kokichi called out to Ms. Fujimori.
“Time to give us our shit!”
Ms. Fujimori laughed, “Impatient as ever, huh? Why don’t you let me count how many tickets you have first.”
“No need! That’s one thousand five hundred and fifty-three tickets.”
“You’ve been keeping track?” Shuichi asked.
“Duh! I always do that,” he turned to Ms. Fujimori, “Come on, you know I’m right.”
“Whether you’re right or not, I’m still going to check,” she said, feeding the tickets into the machine.
The three watched as the machine counted them all up. It took a solid minute or two, but eventually the number settled on exactly what Kokichi had said: five hundred and fifty-three tickets.
“What did I say?” Kokichi smirked.
“Yeah, yeah. And the one time I don’t check you’re gonna inflate the number like crazy.”
“Ye of such little faith.”
“Hush. Pick your prizes you two.”
Kokichi stuck his tongue out at her before turning to Shuichi.
“Whatcha got your eyes on?” he asked, “It’s not the best I’ve managed to rack up in a day, but it's still pretty good. You can get a lot!”
“What about you?”
“What about me?”
“I mean, you were the one who invited me out. And you’ve paid for a couple things already. Shouldn’t I get you something?”
“Silly Shumai! If I invited you out, doesn’t that mean I’m treating you? You don’t need to get me anything.”
“Still, you were better at earning tickets than I was.”
“Shuichi-”
“Oh, just split it,” Ms. Fujimori interrupted, “Get each other something and swap.”
Both startled at the interruption.
“That’s… a smart idea,” Shuichi said.
“Oh fine,” Kokichi relented, “That’s what, roughly seven hundred and seventy-six per person? Or well, seven hundred and seventy-six for me and seven hundred and seventy-seven for you. I bet I can get you the best prize ever with that!”
“And I’ll get you something nice too.”
Shuichi looked at the display case, trying to find something that Kokichi might like. There were candies, small plushies, keychains, and more, but Shuichi wanted something really good. Sure, a couple of packs of that extremely loud bubblegum would make Kokichi happy, but he could buy that himself at the store. There was a water pistol that Kokichi would no doubt love, but it was only getting colder outside and it wouldn’t warm up enough for him to use it for a while. He looked harder. Something Kokichi would really like…
That’s when he saw it. Just at the tail-end of his budget, a mini little game console. The perfect size to fit in a pocket, according to the packaging it only held a few games. But he knew Kokichi liked video games, and if the display was any indication it had just recently been added to the prize list. Meaning he likely hadn’t gotten it himself any of the other times he’d been to the arcade. Plus, it left him with just enough tickets left to get a stick of bubble gum that he knew Kokichi loved.
Motioning to Ms. Fujimori, he quickly exchanged his tickets. He then turned towards Kokichi to give him the prizes.
“Oooh! What did you get me?” Kokichi asked.
“Some of that bubble gum you like and this mini gaming console.”
“Nice!” Kokichi said, taking the two items, “Can never have too much bubble gum and- wait is this that new one? It is! Well, aren’t you savvy, getting me the one pocket game I don’t have yet.”
“The display was clearly new, and since she stated you haven’t been here in a while, I kinda guessed,” Shuichi explained.
“And a good guess indeed! Never one to be underestimated,” Kokichi said coyly, handing over his present, “What do you think? I like to believe I know my subordinates well, but one can never be too sure.”
Shuichi took a look at what he was handed. It was a brand new pair of headphones, with the replaceable cords should the old one go bad. The design was rather simple, pure black with a couple of grey accents, but Shuichi instantly loved it.
“Your old headphones are kinda falling apart,” Kokichi explained, “So I thought I’d give you an upgrade! And they’re not wireless, so no stressing overcharging.”
“Thank you,” Shuichi said, “I love it.”
“Good!” Kokichi said in a haughty voice, but it was clear he was genuinely happy Shuichi liked it.
“I suppose it’s about time we get going?” Shuichi asked, “I don’t think that security guard will be happy if we show up after nighttime has started.”
“Who? You mean that bulky guy with the green hair? Please, that guy’s all talk. I bet even Himiko could run circles around him!”
“I highly doubt that. Isn’t he a former student?”
“Yeah. A lame one! Oh! Oh! Maybe we should come back late, just so I can glitter bomb him when he tries to yell at us!”
They didn’t end up coming back late like Kokichi hoped, but they did cut it close. By the time Shuichi and Kokichi had gotten back to campus, it was nearly night time. The sun was swiftly setting behind them and Shuichi watched as the sky turned a brilliant shade of pink.
“Welp!” Kokichi said, spinning on his heel, “I guess that’s the end of fun. Such a shame there’s only twenty-four hours in a day. When my organization is in charge, we’ll add an extra five!”
“And here I thought you already ran the world.”
“Eh, semantics.”
Shuichi smiled, “Thanks for today. I had a lot of fun.”
Kokichi brushed off the compliment with a handwave, “Don’t you have Kaidolt and Ms. Glares-a-lot to meet up with? What are you still waiting around here for? If you’re waiting to get permission from my royal self then I graciously allow you to take your leave.”
He dipped into an exaggerated bow, as if Shuichi was the royal instead. It would be the perfect place to end the night, but he realized that he didn’t really want it to end. The sun was setting, the day was over, and there was nothing left to do. And yet, he wished Kokichi would stick around a little longer. As if the joke Kokichi had made all the way at the beginning of the day about how ten hours was too long to wait to see him, suddenly rang true.
“Why don’t you join us?” Shuichi blurted out.
“Huh?”
It was a stupid idea, but he couldn’t very well back out after saying it.
“For… For training. You could come with.”
“Isn’t that like, a you three only activity?” Kokichi asked, eyes narrowed.
“I mean, most of the time? But Kaede joined once, so it’s not like others aren’t allowed to come at all. Just as a once and a while thing.”
“Ok, but even Maki likes Kaede.”
Shuichi opened his mouth to rebuttal only to be struck silent. Kokichi had a point. All three of them were friends with Kaede, while it was only really Shuichi who enjoyed Kokichi’s company. At best, the two tolerated him for the sake of Kokichi and Shuichi’s friendship. Knowing that it likely wouldn’t go nearly as smoothly as the one time Kaede had joined.
“Never mind.”
“Pfft! You really didn’t think that through.”
“Nope,” Shuichi admitted.
“Aww, were you just so sad to see me go?” Kokichi teased.
“I guess so.”
It was like Kokichi buffered. More than his usual blank face, it was like his entire body went blank. Like a video waiting to load, everything just froze.
In that moment of frozen time, Shuichi realized he was getting exceedingly close to a confession. Which was a bad thing! He hadn’t figured out that emotion yet! He could feel it wriggling up inside him, filling the once happy moment with that icky nauseating feeling he still couldn’t place.
It strangled his heart. Filled his ears with the sound of his own rushing blood and made him want to run away as fast as he could.
“I-I-uh, never-nevermind. You-I-Me, um,” he stammered incoherently, “I-I’m I’m I’m gonna go.”
He quickly started walking away, pulling the brim of his hat low.
“Wait-Wait!” Kokichi called, rushing towards him.
“It was great hanging out.”
“No! Wait, I mean yes! I mean, UGH!” Kokichi groaned, grabbed something out of his pocket, and flung it at Shuichi.
Fumbling with it, Shuichi realized he was holding a sealed envelope, addressed to him from Kokichi.
“Huh?”
“Don’t open that till tomorrow!” Kokichi ordered.
“Why not?”
“Because!”
Turning around, it was then Kokichi who quickly fled the scene, Shuichi calling out to him.
“Wait, where are you going?”
“To bed!” he answered, “See you tomorrow, my beloved!”
“S-See you tomorrow! And thank you! …Again!”
“You’re welcome!”
And with that, Shuichi found himself alone, the light having finally disappeared behind the horizon. The sky was a gorgeous mix of purple and blue, and Shuichi could say with a hundred percent certainty that he had no clue what just happened.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Early the next morning, Shuichi read the letter.
[Dear Shuichi Saihara,
I have rewritten this letter so many times it is starting to get embarrassing, so if it still comes out a bit wonky or off- deal with it! I refuse to rewrite this another time.
You may be wondering, why did I even bother writing this letter so many times? Or, why did I write a letter in the first place? Well you see, I could have told you all this in person, but I am a liar who is really bad at heart-to-heart conversations that require emotional honesty. So it would likely go terribly if I tried to do this in person. Just imagine it! You know me! It would be a disaster!
As for rewriting it so many times… see the aforementioned. But also because I need this to be clear. I need you to understand this so that there aren’t any weird misconceptions. If you are amazed at the fact that it is so clear, thank Rantaro. He is a lifesaver and also put up with my bullshit at the most horrendous of hours.
Getting back on track, this is all a really weird preface for what I want to say. Because, ultimately, this is a confession. I know, what?! Kokichi Oma, the Ultimate Supreme Leader, has fallen in love with Shuichi Saihara, the Ultimate Detective? Truly the shock of the century! But it’s true.
Is a love letter a completely cliche way to confess? Yes. But please forgive the completely boring confession style.
Because you see, there’s more to this letter than just the confession. Yes, I have a crush on you. And yes, I would love it if we started dating… but I’m also not sure if that is a good idea.
Please note that everything from this point out is within the hypothetical that you do like me back. If you don’t, no need to read any further. Just tell me you don’t reciprocate (however is comfortable with you) and there will be no more discussion of it for the end of time (unless you want to discuss it more). If you do reciprocate, read on ahead.]
Shuichi continued to read.
[This is the section of the letter I have had the most trouble with. You see, I don't want to hurt you. At the beginning of this letter, I mentioned that I am a liar, and that could not be more true. I am a self-proclaimed liar, the self-proclaimed King of Liars!
You have been hurt by liars before. Your mother and father were extremely talented liars, and they filled your head with the worst, most terrible lies there are. They were horrible to you, and they hurt you so much.
You have told me that I am a better liar than they were. They were so good at lying they were able to get you to believe such terrible things. To believe such terrible things about yourself. All because of their lying skills, and how much you loved them.
And I am a better liar than they are.
I refuse to hurt you. I refuse to hurt you the way they did. But I am genuinely afraid that if we were to get together, I might.
I do my best to make sure I don’t hurt people with my pranks and jokes. As much as I am the leader of an evil organization, I am also a pacifist. I would never hurt anybody intentionally. But intentions mean nothing in the grand scheme of things. Actions speak louder than words.
You are just beginning to cope with years of neglect and abuse. You are just beginning to see how truly amazing you really are (and you are amazing. You stun me every day). I am afraid I will put all that growth at risk. Those who were abused before are more likely to be abused again, and I refuse to hurt you.
Just writing all this is already stressing me out, but if we are to start dating then we need to have a conversation about all this. Maybe all my fears are baseless. Maybe they aren’t. I want to know what you think about all this.
You choose the time. You choose the place. I want you to feel as comfortable as possible when we talk. Bring any concerns you yourself have to the table as well.
Sincerely,
Kokichi Oma]
Shuichi didn’t know what to think. Didn’t know what to do. He was supposed to be making his way to the dining hall for breakfast. He’d woken up early to read the letter, yes, but not early enough to just be sitting on the edge of his bed, staring at a letter he’d read five minutes ago.
He should be happy. Ecstatic. Kokichi liked him back! Wasn’t that the best outcome? Why then, did that horrible feeling persist? Why didn’t it go away?
He’d wanted to figure out what that emotion was first. It was a little too late for that, and Shuichi couldn’t tell if that was a good thing or a bad thing. At the very least, it was comforting to know that Kokichi also had reservations about the whole thing. That he wasn’t just freaking out over nothing.
He supposed that was a good place to start. Were Kokichi’s fears warranted? Did Shuichi fear the same thing? Maybe that was the mysterious emotion he could place. Maybe that was the black tendril that was trying to strangle his heart.
It didn’t feel right though. Would Kokichi hurt him? No. No, that felt stupid to even consider. Kokichi was a prankster who loved to lie but he was nothing if not considerate. He’d gotten Shuichi out of situations where he was uncomfortable. He’d offered his shoulder to cry on. He checked, in that wonderful little way he did, to make sure that Shuichi was always ok and having fun.
Kokichi wouldn’t hurt him. Kokichi wasn’t like his parents. Them dating wouldn’t result in all his progress being lost because Kokichi wouldn’t abuse him like his parents did. He wouldn’t take advantage of that love. Wouldn’t hold it just out of reach, like a prize to be fought for but never won.
And Shuichi didn’t just believe that because his judgment was skewed… right?
No! Of course not! That was stupid to even consider. Kokichi might not be the most well-liked of his classmates, but it wasn’t like Shuichi was the only one who saw him in a positive light. He was friends with Rantaro (who apparently helped write the letter?). He got along with Miu and Kiibo. Heck, he was practically best friends with Gonta, one of the nicest, kindest people Shuichi had ever met.
Shuichi wasn't blinded by his crush when he said Kokichi wouldn’t hurt him. It was an unequivocal fact that Kokichi was not the kind of person who would take advantage of him or hurt him like his parents did.
Then why was that horrible feeling still there?!
If Kokichi’s fear wasn’t Shuichi’s fear, what was his fear? What was that emotion? It wasn’t fear of rejection. He’d gotten clear evidence that his crush was requited. It wasn’t fear that Kokichi would hurt him. Kokichi himself might be afraid of that, but Shuichi knew for sure that Kokichi wasn’t like his parents. So what was it?!
It was so frustrating. What was he supposed to tell Kokichi? He couldn’t have a conversation about his concerns if he didn’t know what his concerns were!
Shuichi groaned, letting his head fall into his hands. Wasn’t love supposed to be fun? Why did he have to mess it all up? Maybe that was the problem. He doubted he’d be a good boyfriend anyway.
Shuichi lifted his head from his hands. Was that the issue?
Was the issue that he felt he didn’t deserve it? No, no he knew he deserved good things. He… struggled with it. Having to remind himself that there was no debt to repay, that he could be happy and enjoy things without having to earn them. But he knew it. He did.
No, that wasn’t it. But it felt closer. Felt nearer to the truth.
Shuichi thought through all his bad experiences with love. Tried to find something that stuck out to him.
Love was always so… impermanent. He’d taken so many infidelity cases. His parents’ love was always temporary. His Aunt and Uncle had signed up to take care of him for a few months only to be stuck with him for years. And maybe they didn’t mind. Maybe they truly loved having him there and cared for him. But that still wasn’t the initial deal.
Boyfriend. Was that permanent? He was in High School. What was the likelihood of that lasting? Was he setting himself up for disaster by letting himself experience something so amazing only to have it taken away? Was that thinking too long-term?
The uncomfortable horrible feeling got stronger and he finally knew what it was. Why it felt so familiar but not. It was a twisted variation of that sickening feeling that came when his parents first dropped him off at his Uncle and Aunt’s house. The feeling that came back with a vengeance the first time they canceled.
If he let himself get into a relationship, enjoy the love and joy that came with it, would he be able to handle it when it went away?
Shuichi knew what he wanted to discuss with Kokichi.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Kokichi entered the bedroom silently, closing the door behind him without even a creak. Face blank, he stood stalk still, as if a single movement would throw everything out of balance.
Shuichi supposed he wasn’t much better, slowly getting up and standing in front of Kokichi. A little part of him longed desperately to pull his hat over his eyes, but it was sitting on his desk rather than his head. He refused to wear it for such an important conversation. If Kokichi was going to do his best to be honest, it was only fair that Shuichi couldn’t hide from it.
“Hi,” he said.
“Hey.”
It was an awkward beginning, but the entire conversation was going to be awkward. They just had to bite the bullet and do it.
“So, I. I read your letter. All of it.”
“Yeah?”
“I like you too.”
A nervous smile made its way onto Kokichi’s face. It looked foreign on someone so confident.
“I’m glad, but that wasn’t why you called me here.”
“No,” Shuichi agreed, “No it wasn’t.”
The grin turned into something of a grimace, “So… about all the… concerns I brought up?”
Shuichi took a deep breath. He’d practiced what he wanted to say before Kokichi had arrived. He just needed to get the words out.
“Kokichi… you could never hurt me.”
“You don’t know that-!”
“I do!” Shuichi interrupted, “You’re not the kind of person to do things like that. You are kind and caring. You make me laugh and brighten my days. You’ve lent your shoulder to cry on and you’ve even gotten me out of uncomfortable situations. Never once have you hurt me.”
“But what if that changes?” Kokichi said, desperation coating his voice, “I’m a liar.”
“You’re not lying to me now.”
“And do you know how hard that is?!”
“But you’re still here. You’re still trying,” Shuichi insisted, “I don’t even mind your lies. I can't imagine a Kokichi Oma that isn't a liar. Yes, my parents lied to me constantly, but your lies aren’t like that. You don’t hurt people. You don’t want to. You try so hard not to.”
“And if I mess up?”
“Tons of people mess up all the time. We’ll… figure something out.”
Kokichi stared into Shuichi’s eyes, and it took all of his effort to not look away. He needed Kokichi to see that he was being honest. That he wasn’t spewing platitudes. He genuinely believed Kokcihi wouldn’t hurt him, and he willed that to be true as he stared him dead on.
Finally, the tension released from Kokichi’s shoulders and he relaxed, “Ok,” some of that playful charm seemed to seep back into him, “If my beloved says so, it must be true!”
The warm, fuzzy feeling that came from being called beloved was swiftly pushed down. The conversation wasn’t over yet. There was still more to talk about.
“You mentioned that… if I had concerns, I could bring them up?” Shuichi asked.
“Yeah, of course. What is it?”
“I… We’ll still be… friends if this doesn’t work out. Right?”
It wasn’t exactly what he wanted to say, but it was a good enough starting point.
The question seemed to surprise Kokichi, “Yes. Absolutely. If you still want to be, that is.”
“Ok,” Shuichi tried to remove the shakiness from his force, but it persisted, “It’s just… it feels like such a silly thing to worry about before a relationship’s started but I can’t help but wonder when you’ll leave me.”
“Leave you?”
“I’ve dealt with so many infidelity cases at my Uncle’s office. We’re young and the odds aren’t exactly in our favor. I… I’ve realized that my Aunt and Uncle love me, but they still didn’t choose me. They got saddled with me, and somehow they ended up caring about me along the way. You’re… choosing me. You’re choosing me again, after having already chosen to be my friend.”
“Because you’re Shuichi Saihara,” Kokichi said, “You’re smart and kind. You’re unpredictable as hell and never fail to surprise me. You’re drop-dead gorgeous and a truly amazing person.”
Shuichi’s face heated up at the compliments. His heart fluttered and swelled.
“I’ve never been chosen twice. I’ve just gotten used to being chosen once, and I’m so afraid that all of this is temporary. That I’ll let myself soak in all that happiness only for it to be ripped away. And I feel stupid because it's far too early to be worrying about the end when I’m still at the beginning.”
Kokichi stepped forward, “I can’t stop you from worrying. And I won’t lie to you and say I know for certain that we’ll be together forever. That all our friends will stick together for years to come. That the two of us will last till the end of time. But I can tell you that, right now? I want us to. And I’ll do my best to make it happen.”
Shuichi’s eyes welled with tears. Was it as simple as that? God, he wanted it so bad. He wanted to be with Kokichi, to give it a try. He wanted them to be closer. He wanted to give in to his crush and the beating of his heart and let himself have something that clearly made him happy.
Was it as simple as a promise? A promise to try. A promise to give it their all. Kokichi was extremely dedicated when he wanted to be. He knew that wasn’t an empty promise. So why was he letting fear stop him from actually trying?
“Ok,” Shuichi whispered, “I believe you.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“So does that mean what I think it means?” Kokichi asked, hesitating.
Shuichi nodded.
Kokichi nodded in return. Drawing himself up to his full height (which wasn’t much) he addressed Shuichi with dramatic flair.
“Well then. Shuichi Saihara. Will you please be my boyfriend?”
His heart leapt at the words and he let that excitement be his voice, “Yes!”
“Wow. I honestly didn’t think I’d get this far,” Kokichi admitted, “…Now what?”
Shuichi chuckled, “Would you mind if I gave you a hug?”
A smile that had no right being that fond found its way onto Kokichi’s face.
“You have blanket permission to hug me whenever you want,” he said.
Blanket permission? Well. Shuichi would be a fool not to take advantage of that.