In the darkest hour of night, a computer screen’s light

by pomelo_pomegranate

Summary:

Galen thinks a good first step towards breaking Eugenides out of his self-imposed post-behanding isolation is to get him active on internet chatrooms under an anonymous handle. Irene thinks she might go mad if she keeps turning her dwindling choices and her past mistakes over and over in her head all alone, and maybe it’s time to use that anonymous internet chatroom handle she made for the sake of lurking online and gauging the Attolian populace’s problems for a new purpose: seeking random internet advice.

It doesn’t take long for Gen and Irene to start a private message conversation, neither suspecting who the other is … nor for them to become each other’s main source of support when nightmares leave them awake in the dead of night.

Notes:

The internet exists in this AU, but its functions are limited. There are no cameras, no complex calculators, no printers (scribing, mapmaking, etc. is still done by hand!), and very little longterm data storage. Also, simple computer devices that are able to connect to internet chatrooms are relatively cheap and easy for people to acquire, but they're stationary. Somehow this has managed not to affect the political power structures in the Hephestian Peninsula.

If you want a refresher on what’s going on in canon QoA at the equivalent point in the timeline as a specific fic chapter, please see the Appendix canon timeline that I’ve included at the end of this fic!

Chapter 1: Night 1

Welcome to Little Peninsula Demotic: Main, a chatroom for users of this language to discuss general topics!
Please use separate chatrooms for political discourse or your messages will be deleted.

amphoraechippedandcracking:
What does being in love with someone feel like?

… … …

(37 minutes later)

This is the beginning of a private conversation between amphoraechippedandcracking and goatscantcompete.

amphoraechippedandcracking:
Hello.
I hope this is not too forward. I was wondering if you could elaborate on your reply to my question in Main about love?

goatscantcompete:
It’s not, you’re good. Sorry, I wasn’t trying to be dramatic in Main

amphoraechippedandcracking:
That was your attempt at not being dramatic? Do you get dogpiled on a lot?

goatscantcompete:
Well. Yes. Although that was a new height for me for chatroom dogpiling.
I thought that you might be asking because you weren’t sure whether or not you were in love with someone and were trying to figure it out. I was just describing what it feels like to me.

amphoraechippedandcracking:
As it happens, that is why I asked. Would you elaborate on your answer?

goatscantcompete:
Sure, but fair warning, this isn’t going to be Less Dramatic.
The terror part is the feeling that you would do anything that person wanted you to. Like anything at all. It’s even more terrifying if you don't understand HOW they make you feel that way.

amphoraechippedandcracking:
A loss of control?

goatscantcompete:
Yes exactly

amphoraechippedandcracking:
I see, that makes sense.

goatscantcompete:
Lol thanks

amphoraechippedandcracking:
What about the “physically painful” part?

goatscantcompete:
That happens when you think about losing them.
Or rather, are faced with the fact that you might
That they’re in a dangerous or deadly situation or they’ll choose someone other than you or they make it perfectly clear they hate you, that sort of thing

amphoraechippedandcracking:
It physically hurts?

goatscantcompete:
Yeah, it feels like you’re being stabbed in the gods-damned chest

amphoraechippedandcracking:
So is this just your constant level of drama?

goatscantcompete:
It is, but also I have been stabbed in the chest before, it’s a very similar feeling.

amphoraechippedandcracking:
You’re joking?

goatscantcompete:
I’m not.
I mean, it wasn’t a fatal wound, obviously, but it hurt like hell.

amphoraechippedandcracking:
Are you a soldier?

goatscantcompete:
No, I just sometimes make very stupid decisions

amphoraechippedandcracking:
Is falling in love with someone who’s made it perfectly clear they hate you a representative example of your decisions, then?

goatscantcompete:
That was not a decision I made, that happened on its own. I didn’t even realize until 7 years later. It’s not the kind of thing you can choose, or history would be a lot less bloody, wouldn’t it?

amphoraechippedandcracking:
7 years?

goatscantcompete:
Lol sorry for airing out all my personal woes
I guess my point here is, you can choose whether or not to care about someone, and that is very powerful by itself, but who it is that you want to just give yourself entirely to is beyond choice or comprehension.

amphoraechippedandcracking:
7 years is a long time, though. Were you a child?

goatscantcompete:
Old people can fall in love just as easily as young people.

amphoraechippedandcracking:
Too blatant of a deflection.
You’ve been describing calf love.

goatscantcompete:
It sure as hell isn’t calf love anymore.

amphoraechippedandcracking:
What changed?

goatscantcompete:
Nothing, that’s the problem.
Calf love is fleeting, this is very much not.

Okay I want to clarify that love CAN be deep and real but also impermanent, in the general case, and persistence over time isn’t how you should measure whether it’s real or not, it’s just that I specifically can’t seem to stop being in love with this one person
You should probably ask someone else for advice, honestly

amphoraechippedandcracking:
You seem certain that you won’t fall out of love.

goatscantcompete:
If that was ever going to happen to me, it definitely would’ve happened already.

amphoraechippedandcracking:
How are you sure that real love can be fleeting, then?

goatscantcompete:
I’ve seen that happen to other people.
My track record for figuring out who’s in love and with who, and even whether people who haven’t met each other yet will fall in love when they do, is excellent. It’s just myself that I’m an idiot about.

amphoraechippedandcracking:
There’s no difference in intensity between love that will last and love that won’t?

goatscantcompete:
None

amphoraechippedandcracking:
I suppose marriage is rarely about love.

goatscantcompete:
It can be. How much you respect each other and how well you work together are more important, though, in the long run

amphoraechippedandcracking:
So a person should choose someone they can work with.

goatscantcompete:
Well if you have a choice, you should pick someone who you have most goals in common with and who you can trust.

amphoraechippedandcracking:
Good advice.

goatscantcompete:
You’re not going to take it?

amphoraechippedandcracking:
It isn’t applicable to my situation, unfortunately.

goatscantcompete:
I’m sorry.

amphoraechippedandcracking:
What for?

goatscantcompete:
That just sounds like an awful situation to be in.

amphoraechippedandcracking:
I’ve made it through worse.

goatscantcompete:
Fair enough. Good luck to you.

amphoraechippedandcracking:
Thank you. And thank you for your answers.

goatscantcompete:
The pleasure's all mine; you’re lovely to chat with.

Notes:

It's kind of tricky to figure out how Gen and Irene would sound when they're a) incorporating internet speech as I know it into their syntax, b) half-asleep the entire time they're chatting, and c) not performing for anyone because they're (as far as they know) talking to a complete stranger who'll have no impact whatsoever on their life. (In Irene's case, she probably deliberately attempts to sound unqueenly just to make her identity that much harder to guess.) Possibly the end result is that this reads more as “two weirdos become internet friends, except it's Gen and Irene in QoA” than as “Gen and Irene in QoA, except they have proto-internet access,” but oh well, I'm having fun :)

In case it's unclear: a double space between two consecutive messages from the same character is meant to indicate that there was a noticeable time gap between when those messages were sent. (Like, a longer pause than it would take to type out the second message after sending the first.)

Hope you had fun reading!