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The Friendly Neighborhood Watch
@FNWatch
In case you missed it, here’s a video compilation of all the times @RealSpiderManNYC’s one-liners were caught on camera. What’s your favorite Spidey quote? #SpideyQuote
https://youtu.be/kgKhpDa8CMw
Spider-Man (WITH A HYPHEN) ✔
@RealSpiderManNYC
oh my god SOMEONE finally appreciates my comedic genius
Tony Stark ✔
@TStark
Wow. Coming after my place as wittiest Avenger now?
Spider-Man (WITH A HYPHEN) ✔
@RealSpiderManNYC
yeah, well…..you’re retired. someone had to do it
Tony Stark ✔
@TStark
Did you just call me old on Twitter?
Spider-Man (WITH A HYPHEN) ✔
@RealSpiderManNYC
no
The Friendly Neighborhood Watch
@FNWatch
It was totally implied.
Spider-Man (WITH A HYPHEN) ✔
@RealSpiderManNYC
SHHH mx watch he doen’t need to know that
Tony Stark ✔
@TStark
You’re on thin ice, kid.
Spider-Man (WITH A HYPHEN) ✔
@RealSpiderManNYC
oh noo what is mr retired avenger gonna do? tell cap to give me one of his talks?
———
spidey’s best friend
@spideyboyy
QRT
“oh noo what is mr retired avenger…”
how is he more gen z than all of us combined
Spider-Man (WITH A HYPHEN) ✔
@RealSpiderManNYC
representation matters!! im just doing my duty
ned ned bo bed
@nedleeds
who are you and what is your claim to being spider-man’s best friend >:(
spidey’s best friend
@spideyboyy
uhh spiderman replied to my tweet
ned ned bo bed
@nedleeds
sorry clearly you’re not good enough friends with him if you forgot the hyphen
spidey’s best friend
@spideyboyy
oh fuck ***spider-man @RealSpiderManNYC FORGIVE ME
Spider-Man (WITH A HYPHEN) ✔
@RealSpiderManNYC
sorry pal i gotta go with twitter user ned ned bo bed here
not spidey’s best friend
@spideyboyy
:(
Spider-Man (WITH A HYPHEN) ✔
@RealSpiderManNYC
i’m kidding buddy you’re a friend of spider-man now
spidey’s friend
@spideyboyy
:)
———
quinnathy
@darkerintheday
“you know, if you’re gonna rob a bank, you should at least do it with good intentions like redistributing the wealth or something” we loved based spidey #SpideyQuote
double p
@peterbarker
@michellesjones’ influence no doubt
who the hell is mary jane
@michellesjones
i’m so proud.
ned ned bo bed
@nedleeds
y’all are sleeping on the second half of that quote. “if you haven’t realized yet that the american dream is to get fucked by the healthcare system then that’s on you”
Spider-Man (WITH A HYPHEN) ✔
@RealSpiderManNYC
yeah i don’t think many criminals realize that i’m not insured and i literally can’t afford any sort of medical care for when i inevitably get internal bleeding
Tony Stark ✔
@TStark
Jesus Christ, kid.
———
Steve Rogers ✔
@srogers18
“Attacking a literal child? Really? I’m not a psychology major but even I can tell that just means you’re insecure and desperate for some sort of way to feel strong. Go pick on someone your own size, a**hole.” I agree. Send them my way, @RealSpiderManNYC. #SpideyQuote
peter
@PeterBot3000
it was very cool and rad to get saved by spider-man but i didn’t know how to tell him that i was, in fact, not a kid and that i’m actually 21 years old. he found out like weeks after and it’s a core memory for me
Spider-Man (WITH A HYPHEN) ✔
@RealSpiderManNYC
oh god don’t bring up The Incident
quinnathy
@darkerintheday
peter if u tell me what The Incident was i will buy you a bagel
peter
@PeterBot3000
no it was a mutually embarrassing story i still haven’t forgiven matt for it and my lips are sealed
Franklin Nelson, Atty.
@FranklinNelson
Lmao
Spider-Man (WITH A HYPHEN) ✔
@RealSpiderManNYC
foggy don’t
quinnathy
@darkerintheday
FOGGY IF YOU KNOW SOMETHING. please tell me. and i’ll write an article about you in The Watch the next chance i get
Franklin Nelson, Atty.
@FranklinNelson
SOLD. So the first time Spidey saw Pete at the office his first question was “Where are your parents?” And then before Pete could say anything Matt goes “I see you’ve met my son” and then I think Spidey jumped out of a window
peter
@PeterBot3000
no that was me
Franklin Nelson, Atty.
@FranklinNelson
Oh yeah
Spider-Man (WITH A HYPHEN) ✔
@RealSpiderManNYC
[arthur_fist_meme.jpg] my reputation is ruined
peter
@PeterBot3000
AND HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL SPIDER-BOY
Spider-Man (WITH A HYPHEN) ✔
@RealSpiderManNYC
i appreciate that you still kept the hyphen
quinnathy
@darkerintheday
foggy email me the picture you’d like me to use in your featured article <33
———
The Daily Bugle ✔
@TheDailyBugle
SPIDERMAN IN EXCLUSIVE FOOTAGE: “Redistribute the Wealth” — The RED Menace? Who Is He After Now?
https://bit.ly/spiderman-says-redistribute-wealth
who the hell is mary jane
@michellesjones
this is the funniest thing ive ever seen
Spider-Man (WITH A HYPHEN) ✔
@RealSpiderManNYC
holy fuck i single-handedly brought back mccarthyism
Spider-Man (WITH A HYPHEN) ✔
@RealSpiderManNYC
also if you’re gonna libel me at LEAST hyphenate my fucking name
———
The Daily Bugle ✔
@TheDailyBugle
Spiderman Sets Bad Example for Kids On Twitter: A Digital THREAT to our Children!
https://bit.ly/spiderman-improper-use-of-language
Spider-Man (WITH A HYPHEN) ✔
@RealSpiderManNYC
ooh you wanna kiss me so bad. ooh you’re so obsessed with me
Spider-Man (WITH A HYPHEN) ✔
@RealSpiderManNYC
anyways get fucked
———
quinnathy
@darkerintheday
gotta do everything myself around these places
———
The Friendly Neighborhood Watch
@FNWatch
Findings Reveal that Spider-Man is Amazing, Cool, Smart, Talented, Brave, Friendly, Likable, Bold, Et Cetera.
https://bit.ly/findings-reveal-spider-man-is-amazing
Spider-Man (WITH A HYPHEN) ✔
@RealSpiderManNYC
oh my god [discord_holding_hearts.png]
The Daily Bugle ✔
@TheDailyBugle
This can hardly be considered professional journalism.
The Friendly Neighborhood Watch
@FNWatch
jameson bb i graduated from nyu with a degree in journalism and you dropped out of high school. we are not the same.
spidey’s friend
@spideyboyy
holy fuck
*tips hat* m’laney
@detectivejjbitemyass
hi nypd? we just witnessed a murder
The Daily Bugle ✔
@TheDailyBugle
You’re an unreliable news source, run by one writer. We’re a professional team with years of experience and fact-checkers.
peter
@PeterBot3000
oh you did not
quinnathy
@darkerintheday
pete i think it’s time we broke out operation spideygate
peter
@PeterBot3000
yesss operation spideygate is a go
———
The Friendly Neighborhood Watch
@FNWatch
QRT
“You’re an unreliable news source…”
Nine years ago, pre-Blip, in 2015, there was a school bus that drove off the Brooklyn Bridge because the driver was driving while intoxicated. Spider-Man was the only person who got there before it tipped over.
The Friendly Neighborhood Watch
@FNWatch
He managed to save all the passengers, including one John Jameson, son of J. Jonah Jameson. Two days later, the Daily Bugle released an article framing Spider-Man as the perpetrator of the accident, riding on the publicity of Jameson’s involvement.
The Friendly Neighborhood Watch
@FNWatch
Spider-Man was new to the vigilante scene, and had no prior reputation aside from some YouTube videos. The Bugle defamed a defenseless hero who saved the lives of dozens, and they have continued to do so ever since—even though Spider-Man saved JJJ’s son.
The Friendly Neighborhood Watch
@FNWatch
Here’s the link to a news article about the bus accident, the police report, and the Bugle’s article. The driver was sentenced to twelve years in prison.
The Friendly Neighborhood Watch
@FNWatch
And last, but definitely not least: Get fucked.
spidey’s friend
@spideyboyy
oh my god. oh my god??
menvolio bontague
@shakesqueer
[stop_stop_he’s_already_dead.jpg]
Tony Stark ✔
@TStark
Get his ass, FNWatch.
peter
@PeterBot3000
i’ve been waiting for this moment all my life
Spider-Man (WITH A HYPHEN) ✔
@RealSpiderManNYC
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xSTN3mHEAOA
(Link to a video of Captain Holt yelling “Vindication”)
———
spidey’s friend
@spideyboyy
to whoever runs @FNWatch: im sending u a gift basket #spideygate
quinnathy
@darkerintheday
i’m the one behind the friendly neighborhood watch, but @PeterBot3000 (our PI) helped a whole lot with the actual operation #spideygate! :)
peter
@PeterBot3000
i did most of it tbh. you can give yourself like 12% of the credit
Tony Stark ✔
@TStark
That’s my… how’d you steal my line?
———
The New York Bulletin ✔
@NYBulletin
In a viral Twitter thread, now with more than 500K likes and 300K retweets, The Friendly Neighborhood Watch (@FNWatch) settles an almost decade-old rivalry between Spider-Man and The Daily Bugle—and it’s clear to see who comes out on top. Read more about “Operation Spideygate” at:
https://bit.ly/spider-man-twitter-thread-expose
Spider-Man (WITH A HYPHEN) ✔
@RealSpiderManNYC
this is the best day of my life
Tony Stark ✔
@TStark
I mean, you did save the universe once.
Spider-Man (WITH A HYPHEN) ✔
@RealSpiderManNYC
best. day. of. my. life.
The Friendly Neighborhood Watch ✔
@FNWatch
<3
———
The Friendly Neighborhood Watch ✔
@FNWatch
Oh hello there, sweet darling verification check.
peter
@PeterBot3000
quinn stop flirting with the verification check
quinnathy
@darkerintheday
you’re just jealous u don’t have a verified account
Spider-Man (WITH A HYPHEN) ✔
@RealSpiderManNYC
i wonder what that feels like
peter
@PeterBot3000
i came out here to have a good time and im honestly feeling so attacked rn
The Friendly Neighborhood Watch ✔
@FNWatch
Good.
peter
@PeterBot3000
hey operation spideygate wouldn’t EXIST without me
Spider-Man (WITH A HYPHEN) ✔
@RealSpiderManNYC
i know pete. thank you. seriously. you and quinn both.
The Friendly Neighborhood Watch ✔
@FNWatch
Yeah, alright. Honestly you’re the best private investigator we could ever ask for. I’m glad to be your colleague. And obviously your friend.
peter
@PeterBot3000
oh ew nvm i’m not used to this. go back
quinnathy
@darkerintheday
dumbass
peter
@PeterBot3000
hey >:(
———
The Daily Bugle ✔
@TheDailyBugle
Spider-Man is the epitome of the perfect being. He’s cool and amazing. My favorite #SpideyQuote is “The Daily Bugle? More like the Daily Bug, because it’s always bugging me.”
Spider-Man (WITH A HYPHEN) ✔
@RealSpiderManNYC
@nedleeds did u hack the daily bugle
ned ned bo bed
@nedleeds
me? nooo. i would never do anything illegal and/or morally questionable
Spider-Man (WITH A HYPHEN) ✔
@RealSpiderManNYC
really? bc i remember saying this to you (and only you) when i was half asleep and incapable of thinking of actual good one-liners
ned ned bo bed
@nedleeds
ok fine maybe it was me
ned ned bo bed
@nedleeds
in my defense it was really easy
ned ned bo bed
@nedleeds
guess what their old password was
Spider-Man (WITH A HYPHEN) ✔
@RealSpiderManNYC
was it spidermenace
ned ned bo bed
@nedleeds
IT WAS SPIDERMENACE