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Sam was in love with Cas and Dean but he knew they were only in love with each other. He watched as the questioning and distrustful gazes turned to longing, he watches as the scarce touches became lingering. Sam felt it in his heart when Sam and Dean became Dean and Cas. He knew it was going to happen eventually he just never thought that he would be this heartbroken and lonely. Dean was his one constant thing in his life but now he felt like he had no one.
When Dean and Cas finally made it official they tried not to make Sam feel like the third wheel. They would still have movie nights or go out to a bar but no matter where they were or what they did Dean and Cas would be all over each other. Sam tried to be genuinely happy for them but he found himself moping around and drinking more than usual. He hardly wanted to be around them, always finding excuses to leave.
One morning after breakfast as Sam was rinsing of his plate Cas asked if he would like to sit around and watch movies with them all day. “Thank you, Cas, but I found some books in one of the archives that I would like to read today. But enjoy your movies,” Sam replied as he hurried to leave the room. He didn’t have anything to read but he couldn’t stand spending the day with them when he knew that halfway into the movie they would start kissing and end up [ractically on top of each other. So Sam spent most of the morning wondering around the Men of Letters archives.
“Dean, I think we should invite Sam to be part of our relationship,” Sam heard Cas saying from the hallway. Sam quickly hid behind a bookshelf and stayed as quiet as possible. “What? No! Why would you even ask that?” Sam heard Dean saying. “I am only suggesting it because he looks very lonely and I know he is in love…” Sam couldn’t hear anymore as they continued walking. His heart was beating out of his chest. He slid down to the floor and hugged his knees to his chest. Oh God, Cas knows and now Dean knows! He is going to hate me. He won’t even be able to look at me anymore.” Sam started crying.
After an hour of sitting on the floor, no longer able to cry, Sam received a text from Dean telling him to come to his room because there was something him and Cas wanted to talk to him about. After a brief panic attack Sam responded that he was on his way. The whole walk to Dean’s room Sam was thinking that this was it, they were going to kick him out of the bunker because they didn’t want a perverted abomination (yes it still hurt that Cas called him an abomination when they first got to meet Cas) living with them anymore. He stayed standing outside of the door trying to reign in his emotions. Finally he knocked and opened the door.
“Hey guys, what’s up? Did you find a new case?” Sam tried to sound as nonchalant as possible but he knew he was shaking. Cas got up from where he was seated on Dean’s bed and walked behind Sam gently pushing him towards the bed. “No, we have not looked. There is something that we would like to ask you about though.” Cas was still standing behind Sam and gently rubbing his arms. Sam looked at Dean who refused to meet his gaze. “Ok, what is it?” “Sam, we know you have been quite lonely since me and Dean got together and we also know that you love us both.” Sam was holding his breath and his shaking got worse but he didn’t say anything as he was waiting for them to finally yell at him to get the fuck out of the bunker and they never wanted to see him again. “We care about you a lot, you know Dean will do anything for you, so we were wondering if you would like to be part of this relationship?” Sam finally let out the breath he had been holding. He didn’t know what to do or say so instead he looked at Cas who was looking at him as if he hadn’t dropped a nuclear bomb on Sam. He looked at Dean again who was still refusing to meet his eyes. “Dean?” “Yes, Sammy, we would… like it if… you… would be with us.” Dean finally turned to look at Sam. Dean’s eyes showed that he was feeling irritation, fear, jealousy and something else Sam couldn’t quite interpret. Cas turned him so that he was facing him again. “What do you say?” Sam wanted to say yes, hell it was what he had wanted for a long time but something was nagging at him. “I would love to but Dean?” he asked turning back to look at him. Dean didn’t say anything but kept staring at his hands. “Are you ok with this?” Dean shrugged and stood up. He walked over to where Sam and Cas were standing. “I just want you to be happy kiddo.” Sam looked back at Cas and Cas leaned into him. Sam couldn’t believe that the angel was going to kiss him, he felt like he was in heaven but just before their lips touched Dean reached over and turned Cas’s face to him kissing him deep and hard. When they finished kissing Sam looked into Dean’s eyes and he saw anger and jealousy. Sam pulled away from Cas and Dean pulled Sam towards him. Dean was leaning in to kiss him and even though that was something Sam had wanted for the better part of his life he pulled back and away from him. Sam saw a look of hurt pass through Deans eyes but was quickly replaced with anger again.
“Thank you guys for offering but no, I don’t want to come between you two,” Sam said turning away trying to not let them see the rejection and hurt he felt. He knew he was going to cry and refused to let them see it. “Sam, me and Dean talked about it and we do want to be with you. It’s not mine and his relationship anymore, it’s all three of ours.” Cas was trying to pull him close again. “No, it’s not Cas. I can see Dean doesn’t want me here and I’m not going to take that away from him.” Sam ran from the room before either of them could say anything else. He ran straight to his room and slammed the door locking it behind him. He could hear them coming to his room as he slid down the door to the floor crying his heart out. “Sam open this door right fucking now!” Dean yelled while banging on the door. Sam only cried harder trying to muffle his sobs. “Sam!” “Sam please open the door,” Cas asked politely. Sam looked around his room and made up his mind. He didn’t want to leave the bunker but he needed to get away from them, they didn’t know how much they were breaking his heart. Sam started shoving what little belongings he possessed and stood at the door. Dean was still pounding on the door threatening that he would break the damn door down if he didn’t open it. Taking a deep breath, he opened it and was met with Dean’s furious gaze.
Dean took a quick glance at Sam’s hand and the anger melted away from him. “where are you going?” Dean asked. Castiel was standing behind Dean with a look of sadness and resignation. “I need time away from both of you. Just give me awhile, you know I will always come back.” Sam said trying to move around Dean. He managed to get around Dean but before he could take two steps Dean grabbed his arm and slammed him against the wall. Before Sam could register what was going on Dean’s lips were on his. Sam thought ‘this must be what heaven is like’ before shoving Dean away. “No! You don’t get to do that Dean! I know you don’t want me the way I want you but you do not kiss me and expect me to stay. I’m leaving and there is nothing you can do to stop me.” With that Sam turned and ran down the hall and out to bunkers garage. He grabbed the keys for one of the more fuel efficient cars, threw his stuff in the passenger seat, got in the drivers seat and sped off.