I Found My Home In You

by Roserosierosy

Summary:

When they were taken away from him, one by one, Hongjoong had found himself wishing he had never met them, had never known their names, and had never come to call them his family.  

Perhaps it was better to have never loved at all, because the pain he and Seonghwa had felt was comparable to nothing. 

But as Hongjoong ran after Seonghwa down the long hill, tripping multiple times over random rocks hidden within the long grass that brushed against them, he knew that perhaps he hadn't been quite right. As he ran and ran, following nearly blindly because his vision was blurry with tears, Hongjoong wondered if he had given up on his happy ending a little too soon. 

 

Or: Fifteen years later, the eight boys who managed to survive the end of the world attempt to make good on a promise they all made drunk under the stars one fateful night. Except the world was never nice to them.

 

The official epilogue to Rebirth; A New Age.

Notes:

To those of you who follow me on Twitter then you knew this was coming- and I won't lie, I wrestled with this for so long because I wasn't sure if writing an epilogue was a good idea. At the end of Rebirth I said that it would remain an open-ended story that ended off on a good note and would STAY that way... but here we are.

Also on Twitter I had put a poll out on whose POV this should be between Joong and Hwa, and Joong won by quite a bit with a significant amount of votes so this epilogue will be from his point of view. I also won't lie, writing the story from his pov has been the hardest thing I've written up to date because I know we all found him hard to understand and quite mysterious, but I do love a good challenge!

I will keep the beginning note short and sweet- I will be yapping more in the ending notes though so make sure to read that! But basically, if you are reading this story now that means I've convinced myself to post it- so without further ado- welcome to the epilogue of Rebirth; A New Age, where we find out what happened to the eight men we love so much <3

Just an FYI- I don't talk about their outfits much in their 'present time' but basically they are wearing what they are in their most recent Vogue photoshoot. <3 Also I know it might be hard to follow the time skips, so basically after every -~- it switches from present to past and then back.

 

! Please read all the tags for potentially triggering content !

There's an old saying some used to say about coming home.

 

The best journey takes you home.

 

Home had always been a question for them, at one point in their life there wasn't even a physical place they could call home. What they knew of the world and all the mysteries it held deep inside its very core had been flipped upside down and the only explanation they were given had been only two words: scientific phenomenon. That was all, there were no other explanations that could have possibly explained where the dead had come from and why the virus had spread everywhere. 

 

It was infuriating really, seeing that the cause of the end of the world had been brushed under the rug like pesky dust. They all had hoped that as the years passed and as the human race did its best to try and rebuild what used to be a flourishing civilization- they would be given an explanation as to why they all had to experience their first death. But it was clear to them that when some people forced themselves into positions of power and gave orders, not for the betterment of the human race as a whole, they would just be placing metaphorical bandaids over their wounds. 

 

Covering a wound that would need hundreds of stitches with a piece of fabric would do nothing. Bandaids couldn't fix bullet holes. The scars that covered the earth were proof of what had happened to it, there was no covering up. There was no pretending, and as much as the people in power claimed that it was safe and that there was no reason to worry anymore, they knew better. 

 

They had seen what had happened. They had witnessed it first hand. On the front lines of the war of man against insanity- they were the ones that knew trying to pretend that nothing had happened was the quickest way to get themselves killed. They had laughed, hearing those powerful people speaking up about war, peace, and how to rebuild for the future because they knew that the ones brave enough to stand on the podium had been the ones who had never seen the world's destruction firsthand and hadn't lived through the utter nightmare as they had. 

 

But even then, they did nothing. 

 

They stood in the shadows and watched quietly from a distance for they knew what would happen dare they step off the dock and enter into a foreign place that was said to be filled with survivors. They knew of the power struggle that would result, they knew that in desperate times people will turn to those they deem to be experienced and sure of themselves for help. The small group of survivors knew that all too well, they knew of the horrors that would happen when the power struggle became too steep. 

 

Hongjoong knew it better than anyone, with the exception of one person perhaps. He knew what would happen when the people felt too suppressed and the stress of a dystopian world around them became too strong. He had seen it happen, he had seen it rip apart and burn to ash the only real home he knew of during those torturous few years. 

 

It was a daunting memory, one that he chose to not think of often. Even though it had turned out okay for him and the others that he cared deeply about, it hadn't turned out alright for the majority of the people when their base had been burned down. It was a reoccurring memory for him, they all had them, but this specific one was his. 

 

Even many years later as the wood creaked underneath his boots, his feet too heavy to move them yet as he stood rather frozen, Hongjoong couldn't help the memories flash before his mind. The choking fumes of smoke and the burning flames of the fire that had burned every single one of them flashed across his eyes, even though the scenery in front of him only presented green grass with recently blooming flowers. 

 

Hongjoong breathed in deeply, the breeze was soft and quiet, as he squeezed his eyes shut. It was a different feeling that took over him, both uneasy and comforting, as he tilted his head up, his eyes following a long and very overgrown path that lead up an all too familiar hill.

 

With one brave step forward, the memories were hitting him full force as his feet hit a dirt trail. It was almost unreal to be back here once more, Hongjoong almost thought he was dreaming. 

 

After all they had been through once again in a new world, it truly was a miracle they were here again. Sometimes Hongjoong found it all hard to remember, as the years passed by he found his memory start to get worse and worse. He figured it was probably his body trying its best to not remember what had happened to them, the trauma that the end of the world had caused him, and how bad it had scarred his body. There were times he appreciated not being able to remember, especially when he laid awake at night and the screams of terror would echo in his ears instead of the crickets that were right outside of his tent. But then other times he wished to remember because not all of what had happened had been bad. Those eleven years had been the scariest years of his life but he had also met the best people he could ever wish for- he had been able to make bonds stronger than diamonds and was able to make journeys people could only imagine in their dreams.

 

There had been good within the cloud of darkness, and Hongjoong would give anything in his power to be able to remember that.

 

As he turned his head over his shoulder, the sun nearly stung his eyes as he looked where a person stood behind him rather nervously on the dock. Hongjoong held his breath, his chest tightening because he knew this would be a huge step for them- this would be rather monumental, something that a year ago neither of them would have ever considered doing. 

 

"Seonghwa," he whispered, his own voice rather uncharacteristically unsure of itself as he regarded the older man.  

 

Seonghwa's eyes that had been trained upwards fell upon the shorter man, the breeze blowing his hair as he swallowed visibly. If his hands were shaking, Hongjoong said nothing, he understood perfectly all the thoughts that were rushing through the older man's mind.

 

Seonghwa did not say anything when his gaze fell onto Hongjoong, but his eyes did soften a little as he let out a shaky breath. 

 

"Ready?" Hongjoong asked, holding out his own hand. It took a moment, but Seonghwa slid his own into the younger's open palm and gave him a soft squeeze as if he was trying to convince himself to step off of the dock and onto the trail just as Hongjoong had done minutes earlier.

 

"I'm ready," he whispered back, taking in another deep breath as he looked to the calm ocean behind him for a brief second and then turned back to look at Hongjoong. "Don't let go of my hand."

 

"I would never," Hongjoong replied easily, watching as Seonghwa stepped off the dock and onto the ground right where he was standing.

 

It was at that moment that Hongjoong remembered everything that had happened as soon as he had woken up that one fateful day- the day that would change his life forever once again.

 

He remembered. 

 

It had been really weird, that morning when he woke up with Seonghwa straddling his lap with tears in his eyes as his cheeks were rosy with the biggest smile on his face. His sleep-filled mind could only supply his understanding of what was happening with the word angel, there really was no other explanation that could fit why the man of his dreams was looking down at him with such adoration and excitement. 

 

He thought he had fallen into another dream, especially with the way the early morning sun was highlighting the older man's silhouette as he sat there. It wasn't until Seonghwa had leaned down to kiss him so gently, both hands on his cheeks and fire between their lips, that Hongjoong realized something was different.

 

He remembered that Seonghwa had called his name, something he knew he could never grow tired of hearing, as he had still been delirious with sleep after the intense night they had. A night filled with passion and trust- a night he would never be able to forget because that was the night that he found out that the man he had fallen in love with ever since the taller had walked into his office- was in love with him too. Eleven years of fighting and pain, eleven years of miscommunication, eleven years of an absolute rollercoaster that had left Hongjoong truly believing that there was no happy ending for him- had come to a head when they both were finally able to talk to each other without the hundreds of steel walls around their hearts.

 

"Is everything okay?" He had asked, rubbing his eyes as he tried his best to understand why Seonghwa looked so angelic- how he looked like a weight of a thousand pounds had been lifted off of his shoulders when he had just confessed that he was not able to follow the others wherever they planned to go and how that was destroying him inside.

 

"Everything is perfect," the taller had said, the smile on his face so pure that it had made Hongjoong's chest ache. He had placed his hands on Seonghwa's hips, holding him carefully now that he could, and looked up into his eyes to admire the older man in the easy morning light. Everything was indeed perfect, at that moment in time Hongjoong couldn't think of anything better. He had told Seonghwa he would stay behind with him- which was before he knew Seonghwa had feelings for him too- knowing at that time the older would never look at him the same way he looked at Seonghwa. 

 

Hongjoong had been ready to live out the rest of his life by Seonghwa's side, ready to leave everything else behind in an instant, even though Seonghwa would never crave his love. 

 

Even if it broke his own spirit and his heart, at least Seonghwa would never have to be alone. Because as hard as the older man was to read- his fear of being left alone was written all over his face. 

 

Hongjoong remembered Seonghwa looking over his shoulder as he stared far off somewhere. He remembered squeezing the older man in a silent question as his eyes drifted closed, feeling the soft breeze from the open doors on the balcony wash over him in a kiss of comfort. But then Seonghwa had leaned down and pressed a kiss to his forehead, an action he never thought he'd ever get to be on the receiving side of, a shiver taking over his body as Seonghwa rubbed their noses together and brought their bodies together on the warm bed. 

 

The next words that Seonghwa had whispered to him were the ones that once again changed his life. Those few words had opened his eyes to a whole other world- a part of himself that had died the night before had been resurrected, the breath of life filling his lungs every time Seonghwa's warm and soothing breath hit his skin. 

 

I think it's about time for our next adventure.

 

 

-~-

 

 

No one really knows what an adventure will lead to. No one knows what is in store for them when they set out on an adventure, especially one that had so many potential outcomes.

 

When Seonghwa had shown him the pictures and the note- Hongjoong had known instantly that something big was going to happen. He just knew as he looked at Seonghwa who had rushed out of their shared bedroom and down the hall, yelling nearly at the top of his lungs that they all had to leave- no doubt scaring all the others in their little beach house- that Seonghwa was finally able to set himself free.

 

Hongjoong remembered the boat. He remembered it rocking of all them side to side, which to him had been very comforting as he tried to sleep away the night. But he also remembered that Mingi would have the upper half of his body over the side of the boat more times than not because it had made him very seasick. It was endearing to watch Yunho pat his back, a rather disgusted look on his face every time it happened, but still helped his fellow giant through those excruciating days.  

 

What had happened between waking up that morning and finding himself with his feet planted on the boat with no other belongings besides the clothes on his body and the crowbar Seonghwa had given him- had been a blur. There had been yelling and crying, lots of confusing moments until it had all clicked with them that they were leaving just as they all had planned. 

 

Together. They would be together once again, Seonghwa's fear of having to watch them all leave, with the exception of Hongjoong, had been shoved to the side because he was able to realize that the beach house was not the thing that was holding him together. Seonghwa's definition of what home meant was a little different than Hongjoong's- the older had thought that home was a physical place. He thought that if he left it all sense of security and sanity he had left would crumble instantly. Hongjoong understood that better than he liked to admit. 

 

They had spent what felt like years on the boat, night after night and day after day of the same old thing. The ocean was never ending, that was the conclusion they all had come to. There were a lot of people that had come, more than Hongjoong originally thought. It wasn't too crowded, but for those of them had hadn't seen a good amount of people for a long time- it was a lot to get used to.

 

They kept to themselves, for the most part, squeezing into one room and sleeping together while everyone else seemed to want to socialize. Hongjoong liked to watch as Wooyoung would cuddle up against Seonghwa's side, the younger's cheek pressed against Seonghwa's shoulder, no doubt drooling on him halfway through the night. It never failed to help Hongjoong remember that one time many, many years ago when he had gone on his first mission with Seonghwa. 

 

It was that time when they had gone to the laboratory to find the cure they weren't even sure was there in the first place. Hongjoong remembered sitting outside of the little shop all the others had gathered into, the glass door locked so he had just sat outside and watched the sunrise. He remembered looking through the glass to see Seonghwa and Wooyoung cuddled up together in the corner. At that time, his relationship with Seonghwa had been stressed terribly, they could not be in the same room without wanting to rip out each other's throats.  He hated himself for the way he had acted back then, but it was in the past and there was nothing he could do to change it. 

 

He remembered seeing the way Wooyoung would cling onto Seonghwa, looking for any ounce of comfort the older would be more than open to giving. But he also remembered the way his eyes had locked with Seonghwa's through the glass. He remembered that tension, so thick and heavy that he knew it had strangled them both. He also remembered that he had looked away first as the jealous feeling grew to be too much in his chest, seeing the way Wooyoung could hold onto the taller man and sleep peacefully before a day that was filled with bloodshed like no other.

 

He had been so jealous at that moment, and perhaps a little upset that he seemed to be the outcast out of all of them. It was his fault entirely- he outcasted himself because of his own selfish fears. He knew and understood that perfectly, yet still refused to accept that. 

 

But as the years passed, he no longer grew jealous of seeing Wooyoung sit down and snuggle into Seonghwa's side. Hongjoong found it endearing to watch the younger wrap his arms and legs around the older as he slept, nuzzling into his chest every now and then- and then watching the way Seonghwa would pull the younger man into his own body subconsciously every now and then. 

 

Unbeknownst to them, on the last night of their long journey on the boat, Hongjoong had been watching them sleep from the corner of their room. It had just been the three of them in there for a while because Jongho, Yeosang, San, Mingi, and Yunho had all decided to stay out on the main deck for a while after dinner had been served to them to chat with the other survivors and exchange stories and experiences.

 

Hongjoong sat on a chair as he watched Seonghwa and Wooyoung sleep comfortably on a cot (way too small for both of them, but they didn't care). He enjoyed the silence and the occasional soft snores coming from the two of them. There was a bit of moonlight coming in from the small window so the room wasn't completely dark which was nice- Hongjoong knew that he wouldn't be able to rest easy in a room that was pitch black for the rest of his life.

 

At some point San had come in, quietly opening the door and then closing it, coming over to sit on the floor next to Hongjoong who watched him silently the whole way. He sighed once, leaning his head back against the wall, and closed his eyes after he briefly looked at Wooyoung and Seonghwa. 

 

"Are you alright?" Hongjoong asked him, looking down at San who appeared to be a little restless. 

 

San hummed and nodded his head, still keeping his eyes closed. "The captain just announced that we'll be arriving on the mainland tomorrow morning."

 

"Oh really? That's a shame, I finally got my sea legs," Hongjoong mumbled, a bit of a chuckle passing through his lips. 

 

"We've been on this boat for nearly a month now," San finally opened his eyes, looking up at Hongjoong. "Twenty-seven days."

 

Hongjoong nodded his head wordlessly, offering San a knowing look. 

 

"They're dropping us off on one of the islands off of the Western coast," San continued, bringing his knees up to his chest. "I heard some of the other survivors on the ship talking- they said that we're being taken to a military base."

 

"A military base?"

 

"They're scouting," San whispered to him. Hongjoong had not liked the sound of that. "I'm sure they want as many able-bodied people as they can get to help secure all the other places that are still overrun with zombies."

 

Hongjoong could feel the tension radiating off of San, he could see the dark circles under his eyes. He knew what the younger man feared. 

 

Hongjoong took in a deep breath and brought up his hand to rest on San's shoulder. They caught each other's gazes, no words spoken yet but the message was clear- it always was between them. 

 

"No matter what happens when we step off this boat," Hongjoong said, his voice steady and calm. "We do it all together."

 

San had nodded, a soft smile on his face as he leaned his head back against the wall again and closed his eyes. Nothing more was said between them, it simply wasn't needed. San and Hongjoong had a connection much like Wooyoung and Seonghwa did, a special bond that went deep and a certain level of trust only they had. Ever since day one when Hongjoong had been fleeing in fear of his life when the apocalypse started and had seen San- young, new, confused, and had no clue of what was coming as he was trying to protect the capital with the rest of his squadmates- he knew that he had to save him. 

 

It had been a strong emotion, one that Hongjoong hadn't felt since his line of work took chunks of his humanity away, and it had hit him so hard that Hongjoong couldn't help but feel the need to protect a random stranger he had never seen before.

 

Having San by his side now, after everything - after nearly losing him- was more comforting than Hongjoong could ever find words to explain. 

 

"Were you ever jealous?" Hongjoong asked randomly. He watched San crack an eye open with an amused expression. "Of Wooyoung and Seonghwa?"

 

San briefly looked over at the two who were still sound asleep. 

 

"No," he shook his head. "I knew from the moment when I first found Wooyoung and Yunho and they had taken me and Jongho back to the beach house where Seonghwa was- I knew that those two had something I would never have with Wooyoung. Seonghwa threatened to kill me multiple times."

 

Hongjoong let his gaze drift over the two sleeping men.

 

"You can see it in the way they talk to each other, they need each other," San said, talking freely like the subjects they were talking about weren't a few feet away from them. "I don't know much about love, but I do know that I love Wooyoung. I also know that Wooyoung loves Seonghwa and Seonghwa loves Wooyoung. But their love is different than the love I have with Wooyoung, just like the love Seonghwa has with you is different."

 

Hongjoong felt his lips curve upwards. 

 

"Platonic soulmates," he then said, a soft whisper. 

 

"Hm?"

 

"That's what they are," Hongjoong clarified. "Platonic soulmates. Neither of them would've survived this long without the other."

 

"I don't think any of us would have been able to survive this long without Seonghwa if I am being honest," San let out an exhale. "There's something about him, he inspires everyone who meets him. I know he hates the responsibility and the spotlight- he hates how everyone's lives fall into his hands- I know that the past has broken him, but he truly is amazing. I hope to be strong like him someday."

 

"You are already stronger than all of us San," Hongjoong said immediately, standing up off the chair and pushing it to the side so he could sit down next to the younger man. "You survived a zombie bite, you lost your arm, you are stronger than us all. Don't belittle yourself, do you understand?"

 

"Yes, boss. Thank you," San chuckled softly as he raised his eyebrow. It had been said for old time's sake, but the genuineness behind it had not been missed. Hongjoong could tell San took every word to heart. 

 

"And as for Seonghwa- well I believe that since we now don't have to fear for our lives every second of the day- he will slowly start to heal. But you know him, he's a protector, just like you. That part of him will not go away."

 

San nodded his head, once again looking over at Wooyoung and Seonghwa with a rather hesitant nod. "I just hope this new place will be good for us. I do believe as long as we stick together, nothing can defeat us."

 

It grew silent between them after that, soft sounds coming from down the hall could be heard. Hongjoong knew the others would be coming back soon if the noises were anything to come by. He leaned his head back against the wall, closing his eyes and letting the soft noises and his friends' breathing relax him. 

 

But San was San, he could never stay quiet for too long. 

 

"Hyung," he whispered. 

 

"Hm?"

 

"Are we platonic soulmates?"

 

Hongjoong couldn't deny the warmth that spread throughout his chest.

 

But he didn't answer verbally, already feeling that words were becoming difficult again, and instead reached his arm up and pulled San's head to lean down on his shoulder. That seemed to sate the younger well enough as Hongjoong could feel San release a heavy breath and grow rather limp in his hold. 

 

And by the time the door opened quietly and hushed voices filled the room as the door was closed not-so-quietly, Hongjoong's eyes were already closed as he drifted into a light sleep as the boat rocked them all into a dream.

 

 

-~-

 

 

With time brought age, and as embarrassing as getting older was, Hongjoong could not deny the fact that he was really getting older. 

 

No one truly knew how old they were at that point because time had been messed up for so long, but they could take an educated guess due to the passing seasons. Hongjoong knew he had been in his early thirties when the official 'end' to the apocalypse had been announced over a radio that he and Yeosang spent hours every day listening to in the privacy of his and Seonghwa's shared bedroom. And ever since that fateful night when they sat around their last campfire way too drunk to be safe when Mingi made everyone promise to meet up in exactly fifteen years- Hongjoong had counted down the days. 

 

He knew it had been exactly fifteen years to the day. 

 

So that meant he was now in his very late forties- a horrifying number if you asked him, and a number Seonghwa refused to acknowledge. 

 

With increasing age came decreasing stamina. That much was evident as he and Seonghwa tried to walk up the hill which was definitely steeper than he remembered. He was almost embarrassed with himself, huffing and puffing every now and then when a section was really steep. But he knew for a fact that Seonghwa had strayed from the trail at one point, it had been so overgrown that Hongjoong couldn't blame him (but he would end up blaming Seonghwa anyways because it was Seonghwa who decided he would lead them with confidence because he knew the way) and they had no doubt took a sharper angle up the hill.

 

At least Seonghwa was no better, it did make Hongjoong feel better that the man beside him was also sucking air. It was amusing that Seonghwa was trying to hide it, but ultimately failing because it was both hot outside even though it was almost dusk and he desperately needed air. Clearly, after fifteen years their rivalry hadn't died- it was still thriving- and Hongjoong found that at some points during the past few years it was only their competitive nature that kept them going.

 

Yeah, they hadn't changed. 

 

They hadn't stopped once, and it was then that Hongjoong was regretting how competitive they were because his lungs were burning and he knew there was sweat dripping off the tip of his nose every time he looked down at the ground to make sure he didn't trip over a rock and fall flat on his face. It seemed Seonghwa was determined- that much would never change- he was a man on a mission, though Hongjoong knew that it was more of the fear that was running through Seonghwa's body that kept him from stopping instead of his need to win this sort race up the hill they both silently entered into. 

 

After all the years they had spent together, Seonghwa was still a mystery to all of them. 

 

Sure there were many, many times when he wore his emotions on his sleeves and it was easy to see the heartbreak or anger in his eyes, but at the end of the day when Hongjoong was able to fall back into bed with the man in front of him and turn on his side to see Seonghwa staring up at the sky with empty eyes- he understood nothing. Hongjoong had hoped and prayed that eventually he would be able to read Seonghwa the way Wooyoung had been able to, he had hoped after that night when they first made love that Seonghwa's heart would be completely his and he would be able to look at the older man and instantly know how he was feeling with nothing more than a brief glance. But that wasn't the case, and while it had bothered Hongjoong many years back, it didn't bother him so much anymore. He understood it to a specific degree, he could understand that the trauma they had been through would no longer allow Seonghwa to open up completely and would give him a shadow of mysteriousness that couldn't be lifted. 

 

Perhaps if what had happened just a few years ago hadn't- then maybe there would've been a better shot at allowing Seonghwa to unwind himself completely. Only that wasn't what had happened, and no matter how many times Hongjoong dreamed of a different past and how that past could've affected their current future, it wouldn't change a single thing. 

 

So there was no reason to dwell on it. If there was anything Hongjoong had learned it was to live in the moment and never dream about what could've been. 

 

Amidst his daydream, Hongjoong found himself nearly walking into Seonghwa's back as the older man had randomly stopped moving without a single word. He was tense, which was never a good sign, it only made Hongjoong tense up himself because his body always fed off of Seonghwa's energy which was both a blessing and a curse sometimes.

 

"What's wrong?" He asked, his voice in a low whisper out of habit.

 

Seonghwa didn't answer him, and the only reason Hongjoong wasn't worrying too much yet was because the older man was looking out over his shoulder where the sea was and not right out in front of him like something was blocking their way.

 

A breeze picked up, a gentle and calming one, and Hongjoong watched the way Seonghwa closed his eyes gently and let the warm breeze brush over his face as he took in a deep breath before opening his eyes again. Hongjoong watched as Seonghwa reached into one of the many pockets in his pants before pulling out a very familiar object that he took everywhere and held it up with an outstretched arm.

 

It was the polaroid photo Yunho had taken of Seonghwa.

 

Hongjoong hadn't seen when it was taken but he knew Seonghwa held it very dear to his heart. The older man looked at it often, rubbing his finger over his face like he was trying to remember who he was before he had left the beach house. 

 

"It was here," Seonghwa answered, his eyes strained on the picture as he held it far away from his body. "Yunho took the picture in this very spot."

 

Hongjoong looked at the picture that he knew by heart with a slight tilt of his head. It was interesting to look at it and see the differences in it, not that there were many but there were some. It seemed that the earth had grown greener, there were more shrubs and saplings growing- more greenery overall now than there was when Yunho had taken the picture. Despite the slight blurriness of the photo, Hongjoong could see pretty clearly that this indeed was the very spot where the picture had been taken. It was a little beyond him to think that all of them had walked this very trail long before- the trail held so much history for them- and they were blessed enough to walk it again fifteen years down the road. 

 

The longer Hongjoong looked at the picture silently, he found himself noticing the slight details in Seonghwa that had also changed. 

 

He was older, there was no doubt that he looked much younger in the photo than he did now. Years of restless sleep and constant stress had not been kind to any of them, and that much was evident by the never-ending eyebags that rested under Seonghwa's eyes. His hair looked the same, Seonghwa always did like it on the longer side, something about the low ponytail he really enjoyed- Hongjoong would never once complain about that. Even his clothes looked similar, Seonghwa never did lean away from his all-black attire, he always claimed that it was hard to see stains on black and it would help ease his mind if he couldn't see the bloodstains on his clothes every time he looked in a mirror. 

 

The only major difference in the picture was the fact that Seonghwa now harbored a scar on his face. 

 

They all had deep scars on their bodies, some more than others, but at the time the picture was taken Seonghwa's face had been rather flawless besides some minor imperfections. It took years for Seonghwa to embrace the scar that stretched across his left cheek on his face because he had said that he could cover his body and pretend that the scars he had there did not exist- but he couldn't hide his face and it would be a permanent reminder. 

 

Scar or no scar, Seonghwa was still ethereal to Hongjoong. There was no man that could ever compete with his beauty. Hongjoong had just wished that Seonghwa could see himself through Hongjoong's eyes, he wished the older man could see how beautiful he truly was without the haze of guilt the older still seemed to carry around. 

 

"I'm so old," he heard Seonghwa mumble, more humor laced in his words than sadness. "I remember thinking that I looked old then, but now I just look ancient."

 

"Ancient? No," Hongjoong chuckled, stepping up close behind Seonghwa and wrapping his arms around the older man's slender waist to hold him carefully. "You still look as beautiful as the day I met you."

 

He could feel the older's body shake a little as he laughed quietly, finally dropping his arm that held the picture and relaxed into Hongjoong's body. 

 

"You're such a flirt."

 

"From day one, baby. I mean every word."

 

"You're just hoping to get lucky tonight aren't you?"

 

Hongjoong laughed wholeheartedly at that, using his hands to grip on to Seonghwa's waist and turn him around to face him properly.

 

"What makes you say that?"

 

Seonghwa rolled his eyes, a fake sense of annoyance. "I have known you for way too long, I know you're just trying to butter me up for old time's sake."

 

Hongjoong grabbed onto Seonghwa's arms and moved them up to drape them around his neck, once again pulling their bodies closer to each other. 

 

"I am a romantic after all, you should be used to it." 

 

Seonghwa didn't say anything but left out a huff of air, the slightest hint of a smile gracing his lips that Hongjoong knew the older was trying to hide. It didn't take long for Seonghwa to pull away and Hongjoong let him go without putting up a fuss. He knew Seonghwa's boundaries to a fine point, he knew when Seonghwa was okay with physical touch and when he wasn't. That was something they had to overcome in the early stages of their relationship, or whatever they have going on, because Seonghwa always seemed to struggle with physical touch. There were days when he wanted Hongjoong to hold him and never let go and there were days when he didn't want a single poke to the shoulder. Hongjoong himself was never really big on physical touch either, he didn't hate it or really crave it, at least that was until he met Seonghwa of course- everything changed when he had met Seonghwa. 

 

They made it work somehow. They were able to fall into a routine that was not exactly conventional- but it worked for them, and that was all that mattered. 

 

"We should get going," Seonghwa said after he pulled away, carefully pushing the polaroid back into his pants. "I want to get to the house before sundown, I doubt the electricity works even though they said they got the power grid back up over here, and I want to see the house without straining my eyes."

 

"We have plenty of time before the sun sets," Hongjoong said, moving forward when Seonghwa started walking again. "Are you really that old that your eyesight is going bad already?"

 

"Fuck you," Seonghwa didn't even have to look back over his shoulder for Hongjoong to be able to confirm the crinkle of the older man's nose. "I'm just thinking about the bad storm that happened like five years ago, I know it hit this coast bad and wiped out a bunch of houses in the town."

 

"The storm?" Hongjoong asked, doing his best to try and remember. "That one that happened the night before we were deployed?"

 

Seonghwa nodded twice. "It hit us hard, remember that? I can only imagine how bad it hit here, they said it turned out to be a horrible hurricane." 

 

Hongjoong kicked at a rock and watched it tumble down the hill. "Don't remind me, that storm had me holding onto anything for dear life. It makes me thankful that during the time we were here we never experienced a hurricane."

 

Seonghwa chuckled from ahead, pausing to look back at Hongjoong with a knowing smile.

 

"I think the world knew we had suffered enough. Throwing a hurricane at us would be completely unnecessary." 

 

Hongjoong raised bother eyebrows with a slight smile of his own before gesturing a few circles with his hands. "All of this was unnecessary. Everything that happened was not called for. I would much rather take a hurricane than a zombie apocalypse."

 

"I agree," Seonghwa hummed softly, looking out over the ocean briefly before looking back at Hongjoong and catching his gaze. "But it did bring all of us together. To me, that made it all worth it."

 

It was at that moment that Hongjoong was reminded that there was nothing more powerful than the look that Seonghwa gave him. Never in his life would he ever find anything more powerful than feeling Seonghwa's eyes on him, a look so genuine and intense that it made his skin break out in goosebumps despite the warm weather. Perhaps it was the way the setting sun was making Seonghwa's golden skin glow like warm honey- or maybe it was because it was Seonghwa himself- the legend after all, the man that lead men to safety side by side with Hongjoong for years through thick and thin- that made his gaze so strong and powerful.

 

It never failed to make Hongjoong feel so weak.

 

"I couldn't have agreed more."

 

 

-~-

 

 

 

The first two years of their lives living on an island off the Western coast had been calm for the most part. 

 

Hongjoong could remember that part perfectly. He remembered being dropped off, his feet hitting dry soil for the first time in so long, the steadiness of dry land had been a blessing- especially to Mingi who had been green for nearly a month straight. 

 

It had been a miracle. 

 

It was everything they were hoping for and more. Hongjoong remembered that Seonghwa had cried when their eyes first landed on the safety camps, hundreds of tents set up for miles to see with military personnel all around them. He remembered feeling overwhelmed and safe for the first time in eleven years.

 

This is what they should've seen when they entered Gwangju. This is what should've been waiting for them instead of a massacre that could've been avoided had he not been so blinded by his own desires and hopes to find his long-lost brothers. Even to this day, he would never be able to forgive himself for what had happened. 

 

They had been ushered in groups to different tents to be thoroughly checked for any zombies bites or wounds that could potentially put the whole island at risk. Hongjoong remembered Seonghwa had rounded all of their group up, making sure none of them would be split up, not even for a second. They had been given wristbands with numbers on them, before they had been quickly rushed off into another gated section that was right off the water. 

 

Once again Hongjoong found himself in a bunker, one made of cement and hundreds of cells on a floor, just like what they all had a long time ago. It had been hard for them, the memories of what had happened were not ones that were easily pushed away. The first few nights had been torture, Hongjoong knew Seonghwa had not slept a single minute, and truthfully he hadn't either. 

 

Hongjoong spent an unhealthy amount of time looking at his wristband, the number '957' staring up at him each time he looked at it. Seonghwa's own number had been '958', while the others sported similar numbers to the two oldest. It took a lot of getting used to, but it was clear to see that the island was indeed a military base, the tanks and amount of soldiers everywhere made it impossible to forget the fact. 

 

From day one on the new island they were put to work, whether it was gun cleaning to missile prep or working out in the fields for crops- they did it all. When Hongjoong looked back at it, he was partially thankful that they hadn't had time to rest when they first arrived on the island. Resting meant quiet time, and quiet time meant thinking. 

 

Thinking was always a scary thing, especially for all of them that had been nearly put in a situation much like a traumatic event they all wanted to forget. He remembered the look on Yeosang's face when he and the blonde were walking through the bunker late at night one time. Yeosang had fallen behind a little, his hand coming up to touch his fingers to the cement walls and look at it with a look Hongjoong wasn't quite sure he wanted to understand.

 

"It's so similar," Yeosang had told him, his voice deep yet soft. "It reminds me so much of what we used to have. It's almost like I know these halls- it's almost like this is the very corner I would round every day when you would call for me."

 

Hongjoong had only looked at Yeosang, his eyes widening at the sentiment. 

 

When Yeosang turned to look at the older man, there seemed to be a longing look in his eye. "It's like I know your office would be around that corner to your right. That office where we started everything."

 

"Yeosang..."

 

"I know," the blonde had chuckled, running the tips of his fingers over the wall again before pulling his hand away to follow after Hongjoong again. "I can also feel the heat. The scent of smoke is a little too familiar."

 

"It's just from the nearby kitchen," was all Hongjoong was able to say, his chest heavy for some unknown reason. He found it hard to look at the blonde man beside him, but it seemed Yeosang was able to pick up on what Hongjoong was trying to tell him. Words were never very easy for them, but there was a reason Hongjoong had taken Yeosang as one of his right-hand men, they could easily communicate by just standing next to each other. 

 

"I know," Yeosang answered, inhaling a deep breath before looking at the older man beside him. "It's just the memories. I can't forget."

 

"Me either."

 

For those two years, the small group of eight men that survived on their own for so long kept to themselves as much as they could. They ate together at the scheduled meal times and did their hard manual labor work throughout the day before heading back to their rooms. No matter how hard they tried to socialize with the other survivors in their designated bunker, they couldn't seem to fully do it. 

 

They had grown quieter than normal, though Seonghwa had to remind Hongjoong that they all had always been quiet for the most part to make the other man feel a little better. But Hongjoong knew deep down this was a different quiet. They were scared. Forming new bonds was proving to be impossible, and as easy as it had been for Wooyoung to make as many friends as possible, it appeared to be incredibly difficult here for him too.

 

The island they had been brought to was zombie-free, they could roam around and not have to carry their weapons in case of an attack. Mingi had said once that he felt rather naked without protection like that. Even though his body was clothed well, he still seemed to feel bare without a gun at his side.  

 

The people in control of the bunker had taken their weapons. They claimed it was not a good idea for so many people to have access to such weapons with no need for them- and truthfully Hongjoong did understand why they didn't want everyone carrying guns around everywhere- but he knew that the men he was grouped with had relied on their weapons as a life source for so long that not having them now was sending them into multiple panic attacks daily when they heard a loud noise. 

 

He knew none of his men would lash out with their weapons and hurt a bunch of innocent people in the bunker, but he could not say the same for some of the other people he had come to meet. In order to keep things fair, Hongjoong knew that either none of them could have weapons on their person or everyone could have them. Ultimately, the safer option was none. But it was clear none of them liked it.

 

Hongjoong and Seonghwa had gotten so used to sleeping in the same bed that even though they were given a room with bunk beds, more times than not they would sleep together. Seonghwa claimed it was the only normal and stable thing that was consistent ever since they arrived on the island- but Hongjoong knew the real reason Seonghwa would climb down to the bottom bunk where Hongjoong was waiting for him every single night- but he never said anything.

 

It also made it easier when they were startled awake by a sharp cry. It only took the two oldest a mere half a second in order to pinpoint if it was one of their own that had experienced a horrific nightmare that made them cry out that way in the middle of the night. When it did happen, Seonghwa would sit up where he was squished against the cement wall and Hongjoong's body, and by the time he did sit up and zone into the crying voice, Hongjoong knew there were about ten seconds where Seonghwa would decide whether or not he needed to go and comfort them, or if he would sink back down in bed and smoosh his face into Hongjoong's chest and pretend the crying sound that strangled the night wasn't there.

 

Nine out of ten times Seonghwa would go without a fuss, especially if it was Wooyoung who had been crying. But every now and then Hongjoong could tell that Seonghwa was too tired both physically and emotionally from all the stress the new island had brought them to be able to offer himself to whoever needed him. That was when Seonghwa would try and drown out the noise by pulling the cheap and rough sheets over his head and sometimes the pillow too. 

 

Hongjoong would then slip out of their bed as long as Seonghwa wasn't holding onto him with a death grip and walk down the hall to whoever's cell it was and just stand in the open doorway to make sure his friends turned family were okay. He never went in, Hongjoong always struggled with comforting them when it was a nightmare or an intense panic attack that took over their body control, so he would just stand outside the cell with his arms crossed over his chest and watch as someone else took care of the ailed one. 

 

It was usually Wooyoung who had been plagued with horrible dreams. He refused to say what they were about, but each time it happened, San was always there to help him the second it started until hours after it ended. San and Wooyoung roomed together so it made it easy. It broke Hongjoong's heart to watch it happen knowing there was nothing he could do to help Wooyoung, at least not in the way Seonghwa or San could. 

 

Though it was nice to know that Wooyoung had told him that he was incredibly thankful Hongjoong would at least stand there. The younger man claimed that it made him calm down a lot quicker when he was able to see Hongjoong because he knew the older man meant safety, and if Hongjoong was standing there then that meant Wooyoung was safe. 

 

When it wasn't Wooyoung then it was most likely Mingi. That had been a new development, something that Mingi said he wasn't even sure of himself and had found quite embarrassing. It was never something he struggled with before and didn't understand why it was happening now. His moments of panic were never as violent as Wooyoung's and never lasted as long, and by the time Seonghwa or Hongjoong was at their cell door, Yunho would have already calmed him down to a lucid state.  

 

It was never Yeosang or Jongho though. The two of them also roomed together and as soon as it was lights out in the bunker, no one ever heard a peep from them. Hongjoong knew there were some that looked at Yeosang and Jongho and saw perfect composure from the both of them. Neither of them really spoke unless spoken to by other people they didn't know, and they didn't spook easily from loud and sudden noises. But Hongjoong knew better than that- he knew Yeosang and Jongho for too long to be able to look past their cool exterior and was able to see the demons they were fighting within. 

 

When the loud crying was not from anyone in their company, which was quite often too, that was when Seonghwa would roll over and tangle his legs with Hongjoong and let himself be held by the slightly shorter male. If sleep was not an option, then the older male would run his fingers over the lines of Hongjoong's tattoo until he was able to lull himself into a light, drowsy state so his body could somewhat rest for the next day. 

 

None of them had any issues until halfway into their second year on the island. Hongjoong could sense that there was heavy tension growing in the bunkers, especially the one they were hosted in because Yunho, who had been learning how to properly tack up some tanks, had overhead some commotion from the commanding generals that had said something they all knew was going to happen but all dreaded.

 

"They're sending us to the mainland," Yunho had told Hongjoong privately at night before the lights were turned out. "I didn't know they had already grouped us up into specialty groups. Apparently, those of us staying in the bunkers were deemed fit enough to go to the mainland for... well, I am not entirely sure because I didn't hear it all that well, but I know it's not good."

 

"Then what about the others staying outside the gated bunkers? The ones in the tents then?" Hongjoong had asked. He could remember the sinking feeling in his stomach as soon as he had asked that question. 

 

Yunho had been silent for a few moments before he answered, the dim lighting catching the way his jaw tightened up. 

 

"Population control. There's not enough food on the island, they didn't expect this many survivors from overseas," was all he said. 

 

Somehow just knowing that information had made Yunho a walking target. In hindsight Hongjoong should've seen it coming, he should've known that there were plenty of people inside the bunkers that had family and friends outside living in the tents. 

 

Yunho was never the enemy, he had just become the scapegoat. Hongjoong should have told him to not tell anyone else that information, even though Yunho didn't mean any harm, it would just allow himself to become a channel for all the anger and frustration that had been brewing.

 

Which is exactly what happened, not even three weeks later. Hongjoong remembered trying to stomach down some awful soup that he swore was expired when he caught a large man pulling Yunho out of his seat by his collar and yanking him away from their little safe space at the corner of the cafeteria. 

 

It had been an instant reaction, Hongjoong had been watching that man ever since he noticed he kept staring Yunho down with hateful eyes. In one second he was out of his own seat without even thinking and ripping Yunho out of the man's grip, tearing his poor shirt in the process, and delivered a harsh yet firm high kick to the man's sternum. 

 

The man hadn't been expecting it as he knelt down to the ground immediately, the wind clearly knocked out of him as he clutched his hand where Hongjoong had kicked him and was wheezing for air. 

 

"Don't touch him!" Hongjoong hissed, his face burning red with unleashed anger as he stood in front of the man who was much taller than he was. 

 

He vaguely remembered Seonghwa pulling Yunho back and tending to his torn cotton shirt while Hongjoong stood guard, a sort of anger filling his body that he hadn't felt in a long time. The cafeteria's attention had been drawn to them which was never a good sign, it was unwanted attention after all and that was the last thing Hongjoong wanted to get caught up in. He scanned around the room, meeting both concerned gazes and ones that were more condescending, hoping that the fire in his eyes was enough to scare the others off that were looking for a fight.

 

Hongjoong knew that despite his height he was still very intimidating. He knew of the aura he held, he knew the power and fierceness behind his gaze. 

 

Not everyone in the bunker spoke the same language but it was pretty universal to understand when someone was angry and when another was not to be messed with it. It was nice to see that even at a slightly older age Hongjoong still held the same power and authority he did when he was younger, even among men and women he did not know.  

 

As his focus had remained elsewhere for far too long, Hongjoong hadn't noticed the man recovered well enough to be lunge himself upwards to grab onto Hongjoong and pull him down messily, clawing at his shirt and yelling some words at him that he did not understand completely, before Hongjoong felt a nasty force collide with his lower face. 

 

By the time Hongjoong realized what was going on, the man was pulled off of Hongjoong and then was tossed to the ground as a hint of black clothing appeared in front of him quicker than a flash of lightning. 

 

San.

 

Hongjoong watched half deliriously as San rammed his foot down onto the man's back and pushed him to the floor flat on his stomach before pressing the heel of his boot into the side of the man's head using enough pressure to squish his cheek to the cold and dirty floor of the cafeteria. 

 

"And stay down," San sneered in a warning tone, pressing harder until the man had made a strangled noise. He didn't let up until soldiers came in and assessed the situation, and it was then that Hongjoong was reminded how utterly terrifying San could be when he chose to be.

 

Two arms or just one, San would always be a force to be reckoned with. 

 

How the rest of that evening played out had been a blur to Hongjoong, there was a hole in his memory and the next thing he remembered was sitting on the bottom part of the bunk bed in his and Seonghwa's shared cell room with the older kneeling between his legs and tending to the apparent wound on his mouth. It would've been a rather tender moment had the tension not been so high from the fight earlier, and Hongjoong's head was buzzing with potential possibilities of what was going to become of them.  He didn't know if he would be punished for what happened or if San would be included in it- or if the man who attacked Yunho with no reason other than misplaced aggression would be the only one to be reprimanded. Was this the beginning of another all-out fight in a confined space due to tense conditions and a lack of space or morality? 

 

Too many unknowns. Hongjoong did not like it. 

 

"Your lip is busted again," Seonghwa had told him, the older man's voice taking him out of his head quickly. "It's a nasty cut. The guy must've had some sharp rings on."

 

Hongjoong could definitely taste the iron in his mouth and feel the way his lip was throbbing, but the pain he felt in comparison to his worries was quite numb.

 

"It's nothing," he tried to say, nearly swallowing his words when Seonghwa flashed him a rather vicious look, but instead tried to ease up the tense atmosphere with slight humor. "I don't think any blows could hurt as bad as yours. Took me weeks to recover from the number you did on my face that one time, but this thing will be healed in a few days."

 

Seonghwa had stared at him for a long time, his right eye twitching in annoyance, but Hongjoong could see the slight curve of his lips when the memory seemed to resonate with the older man. 

 

"Sure," was all he said before pushing the wet cloth that was already quite bloody back to Hongjoong's mouth to help clean up the wound. 

 

The silence grew between them, not an uncomfortable one, that stage had passed a long time ago. Hongjoong found himself once again lost in thought while Seonghwa pressed some kind of ointment to the cut on Hongjoong's lip that made it tingle even more. It was almost endearing to watch Seonghwa fuss over something, the older male often claimed he had a stone-cold heart and that there wasn't anything that appealed to it, but everyone around him knew better than that.

 

As soon as Seonghwa got what Yeosang would call spidey sense, the oldest would already be moving into action. That need to help also stretched out to Hongjoong, despite their still thriving rivalry, which Hongjoong would've thought would've died out now that they had professed their undying love multiple times- but clearly not.

 

"The military is offering San a special-grade prosthesis," Seonghwa whispered, his thumb running over Hongjoong's swollen lip. "They're only offering it if he agrees to go to the mainland, just like the rest of us. I am not sure what they are planning to do with those of us who were deemed unexpendable, but I'm not sure I like it."

 

"Does San want it?"

 

Seonghwa nodded slowly. "He was hesitant about it at first because he had finally been able to come to terms with what had happened. Though now he told me earlier that it is something he would find useful, especially when wielding weapons."

 

"It won't be the same," Hongjoong said when Seonghwa stood up. "He knows that right? Nothing will ever be the same."

 

"I think he knows that better than anyone, Hongjoong," Seonghwa have the younger a look before walking away to put the few medical supplies that they had away. "That decision is his and his alone to make, it's not our job to push him in one direction or the other. We are here to support him in any way he chooses."

 

"I know, but-"

 

"No buts," Seonghwa snapped at him, though the tone wasn't enough to make Hongjoong's skin crawl yet. "You aren't the one that lost an arm."

 

No, he wasn't. Hongjoong was lucky to have his body intact. Unfortunately, he couldn't say the same for some of the others. They all ranged from horrific injuries to mild ones, and there wasn't a day that went by that Hongjoong didn't wish that all the injuries that had been forced upon his brothers due to his stupid decisions would've fallen on him instead. 

 

"An arm he lost because of me."

 

Hongjoong could hear Seonghwa pause at the open sink where he was most likely washing out the blood in the cloth, the water was left running before a tall shadow appeared in front of him once more. 

 

"We've been over this," the taller said, fitting his hand under Hongjoong's jaw to make him look at him. "San doesn't hold any ill will towards you, none of us do for that matter. You're the only one who hasn't forgiven yourself for what happened."

 

Hongjoong reached up and grabbed onto Seonghwa's wrist and held it tightly. "Can you blame me though?"

 

The younger already knew that answer, and Seonghwa's silence and piercing gaze only confirmed it. Realistically, Hongjoong didn't know if he would ever be able to forgive himself for that day- even though everyone else had- Seonghwa included which had been the surprise of the century. 

 

There came a deep sigh followed by a heavy weight on Hongjoong's lap as Seonghwa sat down on his thighs, straddling them with his arms lopped around the younger's neck. It never failed to push all the air out of Hongjoong's lungs, no matter how often Seonghwa surprised him by actions such as these. He knew he could be eighty and know Seonghwa's mind and body better than his own but never be prepared or used to Seonghwa making any sort of move. 

 

"You know what they want us to do on the mainland, don't you?" Seonghwa asked, his lips pressed in a fine line as he looked down at Hongjoong. "You know why they've been working us hard and training us like we were part of the army itself? San said it himself- said that it reminded him of those days he spent in special operations. Sure the physical strain is significantly less- but the idea is still there."

 

"I know," Hongjoong breathed out, leaning forward to rest his forehead against Seonghwa's shoulder, and found himself overjoyed when the older did not push him away. "If I wasn't able to figure out what they were doing with us within a week of us being here then I would've never been able to run that base for so many years."

 

"You're so fucking vain I can't stand you," Seonghwa scoffed, and Hongjoong could feel the vibration of the words through the other man's chest.

 

Vain? No. Insecure? That was more like it. Hongjoong had a horrible habit of coming off too overconfident in areas that were uncalled for to make up for the insecurities that ate away at him with no breaks. Hongjoong knew it was a horrible problem and that had been one of the biggest reasons he and Seonghwa had a very aggressive history together, but he struggled to stop it. It was like muscle memory, he did it without thinking, much like using his gun on a moving target.

 

What had been a cover-up and a lifesaver for his time served as a teen gang member turned out to be a disgusting personality trait as he grew up.

 

Hongjoong was not proud of it but wasn't sure where to begin to get rid of it.

 

 "Do you regret it?" He asked Seonghwa quietly in case anyone was nearby.

 

"Hm?" 

 

Judging by the awkward shifting on Hongjoong's lap, he knew Seonghwa knew exactly what he was asking. 

 

"Leaving," he answered as nonchalantly as he could. "We were safe and doing just fine. Now we are being thrown right back into what we feared most- what you were so scared of."

 

Seonghwa swallowed thickly followed by a very deep inhale. His eyes closed for a few moments before he brought his hands up and ran his fingers through Hongjoong's quickly growing hair to clasp his fingers together at the base of his head. 

 

Hongjoong was almost afraid to breathe.

 

"Regret it? No," Seonghwa finally answered as he let out the breath he had been holding. "I don't regret it because I realized that I can't just hide away forever- that we can't hide. What I had failed to understand before we left was that if the apocalypse really was ending that the world wouldn't just stop. There is some beauty in the human race with the fact that it is in our nature to rebuild and expand- it was foolish of me to think that I could hide away in a rundown house for the rest of my life. We would've been found at some point, and we would've been forced to do what we are now- doesn't matter if it was fifteen years or forty- it would've happened regardless."

 

Hongjoong sat quietly, not that there was much else he could do at the moment, and breathed in Seonghwa's scent as he pressed his nose into the fabric of the man's shirt. 

 

"I don't regret it because I am here with you all. I am here to watch over and protect them, even though I know they are more capable than I am at this point. I was able to realize the reality of the world we are in, we can't run from it or hide, and that as long as I am with you then I am home. There is no building, shelter, or physical location under the stars that feel like home the way you guys do. I know we don't really fit in here either, it wasn't like the base we used to have- but I still think the socialization is helping some," Seonghwa leaned forward, nearly whispering his words against Hongjoong's forehead. "Whatever is waiting for us on the mainland will most likely be something that I never wished to have experienced again, but I will go willingly if I am with you all. Want to know why?"

 

"Why?"

 

"Because I know that there is nothing on the mainland that we haven't seen before. Hongjoong, we've seen it all, we've lost it all, there truly is nothing that can surprise us. I hate to say it but I think we've earned the term veterans," Seonghwa leaned backward and cupped the younger's cheeks in the palm of his hands to make their eyes connect in a tense gaze. "Together we are strong. If this was bound to happen one day, which it was, then I would want us to all be together in able bodies. There is nothing we can't handle."

 

Something about Seonghwa's words made Hongjoong's stomach sink, which truly should've been a warning in hindsight. But if he was being honest, at that moment, he wasn't too worried about it because Seonghwa was right in front of him and Seonghwa was ethereal. All the scars, all the fights, and all the pain became nothing more than just history when Hongjoong looked at the man right before him.

 

Seonghwa was poison to Hongjoong. When they were alone and left to their thoughts and worries, nothing else in the world could plague Hongjoong's mind. Perhaps that was a curse, but Hongjoong couldn't find it in himself to care.

 

"Wow," was all the younger was able to push out of his throat, his eyes no doubt sparkling just a little as he looked up at Seonghwa. 

 

"Wow indeed," the older rolled his eyes with a huff before climbing off of Hongjoong's lap. The warmth and weight were immediately missed and Hongjoong had to physically restrain himself from reaching out to grab at Seonghwa's waist to pull him back, but thankfully Seonghwa didn't leave him alone for too long as he quickly offered an outstretched hand. "Do you want to shower together?"

 

Hongjoong felt himself blink a few times before raising his eyebrow. Seonghwa had definitely said it with a rather suggestive tone, which was quite rare so Hongjoong had gotten good at picking up when he really meant it. Seonghwa's nose scrunched up at the look Hongjoong was giving him and before the older could pull his hand away and take back his offer, the younger was standing up to his feet and following after the older with an indecent smirk on his lips.

 

Oh, it was an opportunity he wouldn't miss for the world.

 

 

-~-

 

 

Hongjoong had to remind himself to breathe.

 

That proved to be almost impossible to do as he stood there, a steady breeze at his back and a hand squeezing his own so tightly he knew his fingers had turned purple. Hongjoong had never been a big person, at least big in the sense that Mingi and Yunho were tall, but he had never felt as small as he did now.

 

"It looks so different," he felt himself say, the action completely subconscious. His voice didn't even sound like it usually did. 

 

Seonghwa was stiff next to him, the shadow of the beach house they owed their lives to covered them in a bone-chilling way. It was scary, but only in a way Hongjoong couldn't describe, it was intimidating to look upwards and see the roof of the house that had seen better days. 

 

He felt the urge to pinch himself to wake himself up. Hongjoong was almost certain he was dreaming. There was no way they were really here.

 

"I'm sure if the house could speak it would say the same thing about you," Seonghwa muttered, finally releasing his grip on Hongjoong's hand before finally taking a brave step towards the wooden house and leaving Hongjoong where he stood frozen.

 

When it came down to it, Hongjoong was surprised he was the one that was unable to move and Seonghwa was the one that didn't stall in the house's presence, especially since the older had way more history in the house than Hongjoong did. 

 

He stood there, his gaze caught on the old truck that had been rusting out in the sun for a long time now. He wondered if it would still work, though judging by its exterior state he had a feeling that would be a negative. The truck's days of running and providing them service were long gone, now its only job was to provide some shelter for some squirrels and rabbits.

 

Hongjoong then turned his stiff head to look at Seonghwa who had made a few steps up the porch and was walking around the torn-up wooden planks and running his hand over the railing like each touch brought back precious memories. It was hard to watch, not that it was sad, but because it brought Hongjoong a very heavy feeling. The house was in pretty bad shape, a lot of the railings were missing and the wood was rotting and falling apart, even the roof looked like a giant hazard- the storm that had come through had done some serious damage that was for sure.

 

"I can almost picture it," Seonghwa looked up from where he was standing, his face a little paler than his normal skin tone. "I can almost picture myself standing here with Wooyoung and Yunho, and then San and Jongho standing where you are now."

 

Hongjoong felt his lips part a little bit as he watched the older man grab onto the unsteady railing. 

 

"I can almost hear Wooyoung's words when he was trying to convince me that San and Jongho were good and were offering us salvation, but no matter what Wooyoung said I couldn't see it. Do you know what he said to me that night?"

 

Hongjoong took a few steps closer until the tips of his boots hit the wooden steps and shook his head.

 

Seonghwa clenched his jaw before taking in a deep breath and looked down at Hongjoong as he released his tight grip on the railing. "He told me that he would leave with or without me. That he was going with San and Jongho and there was nothing I could say or do to stop him- Yunho too."

 

Hongjoong pressed his lips together at that before he took a shaky step up the stairs and then another until he was on the porch, the wood creaking under his weight, as he reached Seonghwa and looked out over the landscape that they had seen in every kind of scenario. Rain, snow, hail, sun, and wind so strong it blew the leaves right off the trees- they had seen it all.

 

"That sounds like our Wooyoung," was all he said, the smallest of smiles on his lips that reflected the one on Seonghwa's face.

 

"Most definitely."

 

Judging by the time on his wristwatch, Seonghwa and Hongjoong spent the next fifteen minutes looking through the house and touching all that they could. The interior was still the same, besides being a little destroyed as part of the back wall was missing, so it didn't seem like anyone had lived in the house ever since they left to run to the boat before it left the dock. There was some part of Hongjoong that was happy about that, this was their house after all, their domain, their home.

 

Seonghwa was thorough, he didn't leave anything untouched. He had always been a tactile person, that was one of the first things Hongjoong had ever learned about Seonghwa. He ran his hands over the dusty and very dirty furniture and the tables, doing his best to step over the broken glass and not get wrapped up in the curtains that blew in the wind. There were still dishes in the sink, and Hongjoong never thought he'd see Seonghwa so happy to see dirty dishes, but the smile that took over his face was infectious.

 

The sun was quickly setting, dusk was already upon them which allowed the warm light that came through the few broken windows that hadn't been bolted up by wooden planks. It brought to light how much dust there was in the air, and it was a miracle Hongjoong wasn't choking on it, but it was probably due to the fact that he was too busy being distracted by Seonghwa fawning over cooking utensils and old memories. He really did touch everything, almost like he could still feel whoever had last touched an item.

 

It made Hongjoong's chest swell. 

 

When they made it upstairs, the steps creaking so loudly Hongjoong was scared they were going to cave in, and the older had made a beeline straight for their old room. Hongjoong wasn't as quick, the heavy feeling pressing down on his lungs made him dizzy when he pushed open the wooden door to find Seonghwa standing in all his glory in the middle of a rather destroyed room. Hongjoong could hardly breathe at the sight of it, a pounding force of emotion that was so unusual for him was crushing his windpipe as he looked around the room to see the utter chaos of it.

 

His old papers and maps were torn everywhere, the glass on the doors that led to the balcony was shattered on the floor and the amount of dust that coated everything in the room was quite impressive. The bed had debris all over it, and as Hongjoong looked at the bed, he was quite surprised to find how small it had been. He didn't remember it being that small, but as his memory slowly came back to him as he could remember his back being pressed up against Seonghwa's every night, it made sense.

 

"You left the doors open," Seonghwa said, staring out to the balcony where half of the railing looked like it had been blown off.

 

"We were in a hurry," Hongjoong answered, bending down to look at the papers on the floor. "Plus those doors were already so flimsy it wouldn't have mattered. Everything would've been destroyed anyway."

 

Seonghwa said nothing after that but walked around the room in a few circles before he came to stand at the desk where Hongjoong had spent countless hours sitting at. The radio that had been the presenter of good news to them was nowhere to be found, but Hongjoong didn't mind. Hongjoong could almost picture himself sitting at the desk with his feet up on the wood, a pencil between his teeth with Yeosang laying on his side on the bed as they listened for any clues about what the virus had done globally. He could also almost see the expression on Yeosang's face when they heard it, when they heard the official declaration that it was over, and he could also almost picture the blonde running out of the room immediately after.

 

"Hongjoong," Seonghwa called his name, and it was the strain in his voice that made Hongjoong snap his head over to where Seonghwa was leaning over the desk, the tops of his thighs pressed into the wood with his hand up and pressed against a pinboard that somehow hadn't been blown off the wall. "Look."

 

The younger came over, his eyes narrowing on the board as the pressure in the back of his throat only grew with each step closer.

 

"Is that-?" He asked, his eyes widening comically as Seonghwa moved back a little so Hongjoong could get a better view.  

 

"It is," Seonghwa only confirmed, his voice nothing more than a whisper. 

 

Hongjoong held his breath. He looked over at Seonghwa, watching the way the older man's face contorted in a hundred different emotions in a span of three seconds. He could only imagine what was going through Seonghwa's mind at the moment. If his own memories were thrashing through his head at what was in front of him he could only imagine how Seonghwa was feeling. It didn't look like the older man was breathing, his eyes were peeled as he stared in front of him like he was a statue frozen in time.

 

"I can't believe it's still here," he breathed out. "I would've thought it would've been blown away in the storm... How is it...?"

 

Hongjoong clenched his jaw as he looked at the object again, millions of emotions hitting him as he did. 

 

It was their group picture. 

 

Seonghwa had pinned it to the pinboard that they had found in the storage closet before they left. He had only taken the picture of himself with him, but never gave a reason why he left their group photo behind. It was in perfect shape, for the most part at least, the small polaroid that had been taken on the dock the day before they left sat there moving a little bit in the wind as both men stared at it like it was a figment of their imagination. 

 

Seonghwa was then reaching forward and pulling out the pin from the top and held it in his hands with such delicacy. For a moment, he thought Seonghwa was going to cry. 

 

For a moment he thought he was going to cry.

 

But there they were, fifteen years younger and looking like a new life had been granted to them. Those were the faces that had seen evil in its purest form and had been covered in blood more times than they could count. To an unknowing eye, the only injuries that could be seen were the covering over Jongho's eye and the scar up Yeosang's arm- but Hongjoong knew what lay covered. It would be impossible to tell the stories they held in their eyes just from the smiles alone, to a passing person, the picture looked like a happy family on a vacation.

 

Though perhaps the weapons they all carried in their arms were a giveaway that they weren't on a vacation. The guns and knives- not to mention Seonghwa's crowbar- were all present. He could see San and Jongho sitting up on the railing, with himself and Seonghwa in between them. San's missing arm was not visible in the picture, especially with the way he was leaning over Seonghwa's shoulder, but Hongjoong knew it wasn't there. Yunho and Mingi were of course standing tall on the outside, big strong men that had been their pillars for so long- without them Hongjoong knew none of them would have survived to take the picture. And then of course there was Wooyoung and Yeosang, kneeling down on the dock, and while it was supposed to have been a serious picture, Wooyoung had his finger smooshed into Yeosang's cheek. 

 

Weapons and battle wounds on proud display, they looked like absolute badasses in Hongjoong's opinion. 

 

But as he looked closer, he could see the way his and Seonghwa's faces were turned into each other. Hongjoong could see that out of the entire group, all the others were staring into the camera with gentle smiles while he and Seonghwa were the only ones looking at each other. Thanks to the positioning of Yeosang's head in the picture, their interlocked fingers were blocked from the view, but Hongjoong could still feel the warmth of Seonghwa's hand.

 

"Yeosang once told me a long time ago," Seonghwa spoke up, his voice shaky along with his hands that held the picture in his hands. "He said that the fires that had been burning Mokpo for weeks and filled this land with ash had been a rebirth. He said that fire takes what is old and dead and sweeps it away leaving behind a path for something new and strong to grow."

 

Hongjoong swallowed, listening to Seonghwa's every word but unable to pull his eyes away from the picture.  

 

"He said that in order to rebuild and have a new start, we have to take away what was left of the old because it will only be a reminder of what we had, rather than what we could've," Seonghwa continued on, his grip on the picture tightening. "He told me that no matter how hard we try, we will never be the same people we used to be."

 

The older then looked over at Hongjoong, his eyes filled with a hint of red even though there were no tears in his eyes.  

 

"Yeosang told me that the reason I wasn't healing was because I was trying to be who I was before all of this happened. He said I was holding onto a memory and that I needed to let it go if I ever wanted to heal from the wounds in my heart and mind," Seonghwa spoke, his lips pressing into a firm line before looking back at the picture. "That's why I left this picture here- I didn't want the reminder of who we used to be to hold us back. Even though we could have never guessed what was going to happen to us, I didn't want the ghosts of our past to keep up from moving forward. We were entering a new chapter, a better one, we could start as new people."

 

Hongjoong held his breath when Seonghwa reached up to wipe at his eyes quickly.

 

"I-, I also thought it would be kind of cool that if someone would ever come by this house and find this picture that they would wonder who we were," Seonghwa forced the words out, a smile making its way to his lips as he ran his thumb over the picture in his hand. "They would wonder our story, how we met, how we survived... they would probably wonder how we ended up and how our story ended."

 

The older man then placed the picture down on the table and stepped back from it and turned to look at Hongjoong, an almost embarrassed chuckle forming from the back of his throat. 

 

"I thought our story would die with this house. I never thought we would be back here, this is all some fever dream."

 

"Seonghwa..."

 

Hongjoong let the man's name slide off his tongue easily, the rest of his words dying out simply because he had no idea what he was going to say. He too thought that after everything that had happened they wouldn't be here either. It had taken Hongjoong and Seonghwa both a very long time to muster up the courage to come back to the beach house, and for an even longer time, the idea had been out of the question. 

 

Seonghwa had said that there would be too much pain associated with the house. He said that it would bring back emotions he didn't want to remember. Hongjoong knew all of this was true, and he couldn't deny his own worries with laying his eyes upon the place they used to call home, one last time.

 

But as Hongjoong continued to look at his partner, he was once again overcome with his beauty as the sun highlighted his silhouette once again. Hongjoong found that his breath was taken away at the most inappropriate of times, but he couldn't help it. Seonghwa had aged like fine wine, he only grew more beautiful as the years passed. His all-black attire fit him perfectly, hugging his shoulders and chest snuggly, his body was still strong and sturdy even after all the years of stress and fatigue. There was no doubt in Hongjoong's mind that Seonghwa was some sort of god, especially when his long black hair would fall over his eyes as his focus reigned in on something. 

 

Seonghwa was breathtaking. 

 

But as breathtaking as he was, Seonghwa had his faults too. He wasn't a perfect man by any means, and neither was Hongjoong. Sometimes it was hard to acknowledge that Seonghwa wasn't perfect when his heart was as golden as it got at times, but he knew that one of Seonghwa's biggest fears was being put up on a pedestal like he was some perfect being. Hongjoong knew Seonghwa needed room for error and to be imperfect at times- he wanted to be seen as equal and not someone who was better than everyone else. Hongjoong understood that very well, he also knew Seonghwa's definition and idea of what love looked like was a little different than the 'conventional' way.  But truthfully, after spending so many years with the older man and seeing everything he had to offer, from multiple years of pure hatred to many more of what they had now- Hongjoong preferred Seonghwa's way of love.

 

Perhaps it was the room they were in, the one that held such strong and important memories for them, that made Hongjoong feel more in touch with his emotions. He reached out and grabbed Seonghwa's hand and led them out onto the balcony. They didn't go far in fear the wood would give out, but far enough that the setting sun would warm their skin. 

 

This had been where Hongjoong confessed his love for Seonghwa. This is where he told the older man that he would never leave his side no matter what. Under the stars of that fateful night, Hongjoong felt a compelling force to finally admit his love to a man he thought would never love him back. After all the pain, the fights, the bruises, the venomous words, and actions- it had all come to a peak in this very spot. 

 

Hongjoong stood next to Seonghwa, hand-in-hand, as they looked out over the ocean that was sparkling at them, the boat that had dropped them off was already sailing down the far end of the coastal line, nearly out of sight.

 

"I suddenly feel fifteen years younger," Seonghwa whispered, his skin sparkling even more than the water. "The location, the setting sun- you can't tell me it's not exactly like that night when our worlds finally collided. All that's missing is the campfire and ..."

 

"All the others?" Hongjoong filled in for him.

 

Seonghwa just hummed with a soft nod of his head.

 

"I miss them more than anything."

 

Hongjoong felt Seonghwa's hand squeeze his own tightly, and with a quick glance over to the taller, Hongjoong could see a tear streak down Seonghwa's cheek. 

 

Absolutely heartwrenching. 

 

"Me too."

 

Seonghwa hung his head after that. No more tears came, and Hongjoong allowed the other man his space but kept their hands joined together. Despite the heartache they were both feeling, Hongjoong knew that neither of them regretted coming and fulfilling a promise. He knew they would've regretted it if they hadn't come, even if being in the moment was one of the most painful things they had done in a long time. 

 

They had changed. Hongjoong and Seonghwa really had become two completely different people over the course of the past ten years. Seonghwa had become stiff but mellow, and Hongjoong's burning fire and anger had been set to rest. While Seonghwa's appearance hadn't changed much, Hongjoong's had. He had cut his hair once more and died it a bright orange, borderline red color. 

 

It had been a symbol of his passion, his fire, the man he used to be. While he was still ashamed of his behavior in his younger years, it had made him the man he was today, so in a really weird and twisted way, he was thankful for it.

 

Hongjoong knew the reason why he had been so angry and standoffish. He knew why no one could hardly get close to him- especially Seonghwa. It had taken him a long time to come to terms with the reason, but after nearly losing everything once again, he was forced to accept it.

 

He had been scared that his past would catch up with him. From personal experience, Hongjoong knew that as soon as someone found out about his past they would leave him. He had been forced into gang life as a teen to provide for his mother and sister, but no one would try to understand that. He had learned that he needed to be tough and angry to make it in life because life simply wasn't fair- it would chew you up and spit you out faster than anyone could blink. 

 

When Hongjoong had finally told Seonghwa about his past- he truly thought that would be the end for them. That's why he had been so mean towards everyone, especially the man next to him, because he knew that he got attached easily. Hongjoong knew he was desperate for any sort of love and connection that anyone would give him- but all of that would disappear the second they found out what he had done.

 

That was something he couldn't bear to experience.

 

But it was as clear as day now that being left behind wasn't always going to be the case. Hongjoong was able to learn that it was okay to rely on someone, on multiple people, and not fear that they would leave him all alone without a clue in the world of what to do like he had been as a child.

 

"Hongjoong-"

 

Seonghwa's hand tightened again. 

 

Hongjoong could feel the older man go stiff, his head raised once more with his eyes wide and once again filling with liquid. 

 

"It's-"  

 

Seonghwa's voice cracked and Hongjoong looked out over the hill, the green grass, and the flowers swaying in a gentle breeze down the slope. The younger followed Seonghwa's gaze down to the high cliffs where the water met the land, the seagulls flying all around as they came back in from a long day out at sea to finally find rest in their nests. 

 

With a deep inhale, Hongjoong's eyes began to water as well. His heart leaped in his chest, his whole body filled with an overwhelming sense of emotion and relief.

 

Before Hongjoong could even respond, his tongue tied up as he couldn't believe the sight before his eyes- Seonghwa's hand left his own. 

 

The shorter tried to call out to him as the other turned and bolted out of their once shared bedroom, but Seonghwa didn't hear him.

 

He was already running.

 

 

-~-

 

 

They had all agreed together to go to the mainland and accept whatever was waiting for them. 

 

San was gifted the special grade prosthetic arm like he was promised and spent a while getting used to it. It had been emotional for him, and for all of them really. Hongjoong remembered seeing San stand in the mirror with two arms for the first time in so long- it didn't matter if one was fake or not- the movements and actions were all there. San had looked at it with glazed eyes with Wooyoung by his side ready to support San in however he needed in that vulnerable time when the arm was first put on him. 

 

The arm moved when San wanted it to and how he wanted it to- the pure amazement that washed over his face was tear-jerking for all of them gathered in the room.

 

"I'm invincible," San had whispered, his eyes watery but the biggest smile on his face as he was able to hold and pick up different objects with it.

 

Yeosang, who had been the one to help San into it and let him know all the do's and don't's, had only patted him on the back with the gentlest smile. "You always were."

 

They were all given new wristbands when they were loaded onto a plane with a few of their original belongings. Hongjoong had noticed right away that some of them had different colors, which did not sit right with him. He wasn't sure what that meant exactly, but it was some grouping tool, and he hated to think about what options that opened for them. It seemed Seonghwa was weary of the colors too, he had noticed that between them there were two colors: red and blue. 

 

Hongjoong, Seonghwa, San, and Wooyoung all had red. Yunho, Mingi, and Jongho had blue. 

 

It wasn't until they had landed and were led off the plane quickly that Hongjoong discovered that Yeosang had been grouped completely differently than all of them. The wristband he had was bright green, no one could miss it. Hongjoong remembered feeling his stomach drop at that as he made brief eye contact with Seonghwa before they were pushed into a straight line and led into a large building.

 

They were brought into another military base. It was much larger and it was clearly more active than the last one. It felt weird to be on a mainland again, even though it was across the ocean and wasn't where any of them were born, but it felt oddly nice. What they had been brought to the mainland for had become very clear, and they were all ready for it. Like Seonghwa had said to Hongjoong, there was no avoiding it. It would've happened sooner or later. They couldn't hide forever.

 

They were given some time to settle into new rooms that were only slightly nicer than the ones at the bunker on the island, but none of them could relax- they knew what was going to happen. 

 

Wooyoung was restless, he couldn't stay put no matter how often he worked out or ran laps around the base. Yunho and Mingi talked a lot to each other in private about something, and Yeosang took San and Jongho to constantly practice target shooting. None of them spoke much to each other, it seemed they would rather enjoy each other's company in silence during those last few days before their assignments would be given to them. 

 

They had only been there a few months, maybe three, hardly enough time to really get to know the other people they would be working with. It was already hard because of the language barrier, while Hongjoong and Yeosang knew basic English very well, the others struggled with it more. The tension and stress were high- none of them could sleep properly. There was no relaxing, no resting, and even eating had become difficult because they all knew they would be thrown right back into the action once again in a completely new location. 

 

It was the night before the major assignments would be given that Mingi had gone to search out Hongjoong. They had rooftop access and that was where the tall man had found him, stargazing and trying to commit the place to memory. From the moment Mingi stood steady by Hongjoong's side, the older knew in his heart that something was going to break inside him very soon. He could sense it in the way Mingi knew something he didn't- the taller man was way smarter than he let on and was more perceptive than he looked- one of the main reasons Hongjoong had asked him to be a co-right hand man with Yeosang.

 

Hongjoong wished he had Mingi's brain more times than not. The tall man was calm when he needed to be, a fast thinker in times of need, and so loyal that Hongjoong never questioned him once. 

 

"Hyung," Mingi spoke first, his deep voice vibrating through Hongjoong's very core.  

 

And just like that, Hongjoong knew Mingi was about to tell him something he didn't want to hear.

 

"I won't be following you guys," he said, his stance awkward where he stood slightly behind the shorter male. "Neither will Yunho nor Jongho. I found out a few days ago what those wristbands meant. Red means rescue mission and blue means repairs. Tomorrow morning we'll be sent up the coast to the next major city at a port where they have a bunch of broken-down auto parts that need fixing and ships. I should've known that they would've been assessing our skills on the island to see where we would fit best. I'm guessing they saw that Yunho and I were good with our hands and knew our way around electronics and mechanical issues."

 

Hongjoong turned to face Mingi, his glasses long gone and face rather void of emotion, but Hongjoong could see the distress in Mingi's eyes.

 

For a long time, he didn't know what to say, there were no words that came to mind.  

 

"But... what about Jongho then? His knowledge of mechanics is not like your's or Yunho's, why is he-?" 

 

"It's because of his eye," Mingi was quick to say. "It's a blind spot. It doesn't even matter if it was his dominant eye or not, they weren't willing to risk it. Jongho is coming with us."

 

"So that's it, you guys are leaving us?"

 

"Not by our choice," Mingi clenched his jaw, and even in the darkness, Hongjoong could see the strain on the taller man's shoulders in the few lights on top of the roof. "You know that we would have done everything to stay you will- I would have done everything to follow you all the way to the end."

 

No. This had become a conversation Hongjoong knew too well- it was a conversation he swore in his heart he would never have again. 

 

"Mingi-."

 

"You and Seonghwa will be with San and Wooyoung," Mingi blurted out, his face turned down towards the cement under their feet. "I don't know what they plan on doing with Yeosang because he's a trained doctor but you will have them at least- they'll be sending you guys to the cities that are still overrun with the dead for rescue missions and extermination purposes. The quicker you guys do that the quicker we can all be together again."

 

Hongjoong couldn't even swallow. They weren't supposed to be separated in the first place- they were supposed to do this all together. Now they were being pulled in three different directions? Hongjoong could already see spots forming in his eyes as he couldn't keep his mouth closed or take his eyes off of Mingi who was now in front of him. 

 

He was at a complete loss. 

 

Hongjoong knew there was nothing he could do. He had a feeling if he protested to whoever was in charge they would probably kill him and then fill his spot without a second thought. One of the luxuries he had back when it was him leading everyone else with Seonghwa's reluctant help- he answered to no one. There would be no repercussions had he complained because he was the one that made the rules. Now that wasn't the case- Hongjoong was just a number- he had no right to tell the military how to do their job and demand to be with his friends. 

 

Hongjoong had once again found himself in the same situation he was with Yeosang and Jongho when they left, but this was completely different. He couldn't even find it in himself to grow angry like he had with Jongho. For once in a long time, Hongjoong remained quiet with absolutely no idea what to do. He felt completely useless. His friends were going to be torn from his hands and there was nothing he could do about it.

 

"We have to tell Seonghwa..."

 

"No," Mingi looked up, his eyes swollen as he bit his lower lip. He shook his head a few times and that only made Hongjoong's chest hurt more. "Don't tell him, I want our last night together to be calm and carefree. He's worried about us enough, he needs a good night's sleep before he throws himself into these rescue missions. You know he'll be watching over Wooyoung like a hawk."

 

There was too much for Hongjoong to think about at that moment. His brain was shutting down too quickly, which was never good. Not telling Seonghwa about this would throw a rock in their relationship if the older ever found out Hongjoong knew about it beforehand, but he knew why Mingi didn't want anyone else to know. His chest was burning, the back of his throat so dry and he took a step closer to Mingi as he tried to convince himself he was dreaming.

 

"We will write to each other, communication won't be cut," the taller offered, a small sniffle following. Hongjoong could tell Mingi was trying so hard to stay strong, and perhaps that was why Hongjoong was finding it so hard to think of a single thing. "I will write every day if I have to- we all will. We will still be together, even if our bodies are in different places."

 

Hongjoong felt his eyes burn with such heat he didn't know was possible.

 

"Why did you have to tell me this?" He asked, his voice scratchy as he reached up to grab at Mingi's arm and squeezed it. Mingi seemed to lean into the touch, his mental block breaking a tiny bit at Hongjoong's touch. 

 

The taller swallowed and nearly laughed at that like it was a question Hongjoong should've already known the answer to. The laugh was both relieving and heartbreaking at the same time, Mingi's eyes were squeezed shut before he brought his hand up to wipe at his eyes. He offered the shorter a toothy smile, but Hongjoong wasn't strong enough to give one back.

 

"It's my job to give you status reports, isn't it? Sorry I wasn't able to write it up like I usually did."

 

Hongjoong wanted to laugh, but he knew if he opened his mouth the rawness of his throat would only allow a cry. 

 

"Yeosang always wrote your reports."

 

"Ah yes, he did. That's true."

 

That night, no one knew why Mingi was suddenly so talkative. No one knew why he made sure to tell everyone he loved them, and no one knew why Mingi suggested they all bring their tiny mattresses into one room and sleep altogether. He was more than lucky that no one knew that was the last night they would all be able to sleep together peacefully.

 

He was lucky no one suspected a thing.

 

Well, no one besides Hongjoong. 

 

The next morning, none of them were prepared for what was about to happen. Hongjoong knew the second the news was presented to them that he would never be able to forget the look on Seonghwa's face.  He knew he would never be able to forget the look on anyone's face for that matter, but it was the way that the older man immediately looked over to Hongjoong for some sort of explanation as to why they would be splitting up that made it worse. Hongjoong couldn't even look at Seonghwa, even after the meeting was finished and they were allowed to go back to their rooms to get ready to be transported, he still couldn't face the older.

 

That goodbye created another wound in all of them that day. While it was not a surface wound that would scar and hold physical pain, the wound it created inside them hurt worse than any superficial wound they could receive. Hongjoong knew he'd rather lose all his limbs than say goodbye again. The unknown factor of not knowing if he'd ever see them again was too much- too much for all of them. 

 

By the time they were being loaded into helicopters that would take them in two separate directions, Hongjoong's brain had shut off. His whole body became lethargic and useless, it felt empty and cold, and not even Wooyoung who did his best to keep the spirits high despite being utterly destroyed about it himself, could help them feel better. 

 

Yeosang had gone with the red crew, he was assigned to their specific group thankfully. Hongjoong knew that Yeosang was struggling since this would be the first time he would be apart from Jongho. He could see it on the blonde man's face, he could see it in the way Yeosang would no longer think and just act so the pain wouldn't get to him.

 

Hongjoong wondered what it would be like to be separate from his lover. While he and Seonghwa hadn't put a label on it- he found it too much for his heart to handle to even think of being away from him and not knowing if he was alive or not. For that, Hongjoong could only imagine what Yeosang was feeling.

 

As they were flown away, hearts bleeding as the distance grew farther and farther, Hongjoong swore to himself he would do everything he could to not allow any more of them to be separated, and Hongjoong would do everything in his power to bring them all together again. As he heard Seonghwa nearly cry himself to sleep that night, Hongjoong could only lay awake and hope and pray that Mingi, Yunho, and Jongho would be okay.

 

He swore that he would find them again if it was the last thing he did.

 

But as time passed by, Hongjoong should've learned that making promises to both himself and others was a horrible idea. Time and time again, he only let himself down. It was an endless circle of pain, one would've thought he'd figure that out by now. 

 

Over the course of the next few years, they were transported to more locations than they could count and remember. Their missions included being flown in by helicopter and to be dropped off in a zombie-infested city with the tasks of performing rescues if there were people still around, and then blowing up the whole place and setting it on fire once it was clear. There was a team of about thirty of them, and despite everything, they worked well together. 

 

The first mission had been the worst, just like Hongjoong expected it to be. The worst part was when they were all getting ready, dressing in special black military suits with way too many body straps to hold ammunition and knives, when Wooyoung began to break down. It was hard to watch, and even San stood frozen, not knowing what to do as Seonghwa did his best to calm the younger down. 

 

"Please- don't make me go, I can't do this again!" Wooyoung had cried deliriously where he was squatted on the floor. "I take back what I said about wanting to go out with a bang! I don't want fire- I don't want explosions- I don't want to kill anymore, I can't do this again!"

 

"Wooyoung-" Seonghwa had tried, squatted down next to the younger with all his equipment on and hair tied back. He was even allowed to have his crowbar with him, a special request that the military had somehow allowed him. Hongjoong knew that the crowbar was technically his after Seonghwa had given it to him as a white flag, but everyone really knew who the crowbar really belonged to. "Breathe Wooyoung please- if you don't go they'll send you away from us!"

 

That didn't help at all- it only made it worse. 

 

Hongjoong had to leave the room because hearing Wooyoung cry again was not something he could handle. Going back out into a dangerous situation was already almost too much to handle, even knowing he could protect himself easily, it was still horrifying to see the dead. None of them were ready for it. 

 

There was some comfort in knowing that if they did die, the cure Yeosang had given them would not allow them to become part of the dead. Hongjoong also found out from Yeosang that they were distributing the cure worldwide at that point, a huge mass production of it where it was possible to safely make. Yeosang had even told them that if they found survivors they were to be given the cure immediately, which means they had some at their current portable base a few miles away from the city.

 

Hongjoong wondered if they'd ever make a cure that could turn zombies human again.

 

How Seonghwa was able to calm Wooyoung down by inspection time, Honngjoong would never know- but that didn't matter because they were moving so fast as part of the plan- and the next time his brain checked in with his body, he was in the middle of the city that resembles a ghost town, surrounded by members of his crew who had made a rather weird noise. 

 

Hongjoong had felt his throat close, the air filling with a horrid stench that was too familiar for his liking. It triggered his senses, his body tensing as his brain was finally able to wrap around the fact that they were once again in a zombie-infested city performing rescue missions. Immediately Hongjoong had looked around to find where San and Wooyoung were and had found that they were more towards the back of the pack while Yeosang was standing right next to Hongjoong's side with a pale face.

 

He heard the blonde mutter out a curse before lowering his eyes, his fingers squeezing around the military-grade rifle in his hands. 

 

It only took a few more moments for Hongjoong to figure out why they had all stopped and remained idle in the middle of an intersection, which they were trained not to do. He looked out in front of him, the stench filling his nose again that made his whole body shiver uncomfortably as his eyes locked on Seonghwa who was a few feet ahead of the whole pack. Hongjoong felt his chest grow tight, and the realization that this was real and they had truly been thrown right back into action hit him full force when he saw a crumpled figure at Seonghwa's feet. 

 

The crowbar that Seonghwa held in his hand was dripping with blood, the black metal once again tainted. Hongjoong felt his heart race when Seonghwa looked back over his shoulder, a certain darkness once again filled the older's eyes that Hongjoong hadn't seen in a long time. What once used to be a look that had attracted the younger man to Seonghwa had now become something that made Hongjoong unsteady, the small dark blood streaks across Seonghwa's face were a sight Hongjoong had seen countless times, but as Seonghwa turned to face the whole group who had remained frozen, Hongjoong found himself feeling a weird sense of disassociation to the whole situation. 

 

"Don't just stand there," Seonghwa had said, bringing his hand up to wipe the blood off his face as he moved to step over the zombie that lay unmoving and bleeding all over the cement. "I know you've seen a zombie before- don't start acting like you've never killed one! We're here on a mission, so finish it!"

 

Hongjoong had remembered that none of them had moved even after Seonghwa had said that, his gaze sharp and mean as he regarded the rest of them as he walked on down the street, pressing the earpiece into his ear better before swinging the crowbar up to rest on his shoulder. With a deep breath in, Hongjoong felt his own coldness begin to settle into his body again and by the time Seonghwa was decently far away and looked to be hunting down another zombie that was moving away from the older man, Hongjoong reached down to cock his own gun and began to move forward, a dangerous heat burning in his eyes. 

 

"Let's go."

 

Mission after mission, their squad had managed to perform rescue missions in more cities than they could count. The men behind the organization were very secretive with the information they gave out. Hongjoong found it very difficult to not lash out at them when he knew they were hiding information from all of them, but Seonghwa had always held him back saying it was best to not get caught up in it. He knew the older man was right, he knew at this point in their lives it would be best to lay low and not start extra drama when it wasn't necessary, but that didn't mean he liked it.

 

With each new mission and with each new city they blew up, Hongjoong was able to see old habits begin to resurface in all of them. Wooyoung no longer cried when handed a gun and didn't hesitate to fire it off at incoming targets. San had zeroed in on the military life, it seemed he was having difficulty being put back in that situation, but still managed to perform well even with an arm that wasn't organic. 

 

Then there was Seonghwa.  

 

The older man resembled his old self. Hongjoong found that they fought more over the stupidest of things, both of their tempers were heavy and it didn't help the team's chemistry. It also didn't help that Hongjoong and Seonghwa found themselves being subconsciously appointed the leaders of the squad. There were no set positions by their commander, but Hongjoong knew that wouldn't stop anyone from looking at someone specific, or even a few people who held lots of experience and confidence to follow after. Though it was different, Hongjoong found himself feeling suffocated again with a strong sense of guilt piling on his shoulders every time they lost someone. 

 

He knew Seonghwa felt the same way. 

 

The only reason the two of them were managing to stay sane after each mission when they were being transported back to the base just as the detonators were being set off, was that San, Wooyoung, and Yeosang always came back with them. Despite their bloody attire and empty gun magazines- they all returned alive. 

 

For six whole years, the five of them were transported wherever they were needed to help exterminate the rest of the zombies that plagued the earth. They never stayed in one place for very long, always moving as soon as the job was finished. 

 

True to his word, Mingi wrote frequent letters. 

 

Hongjoong knew that because they were moving so often and hardly stayed in one place for more than a week, it was hard for them to receive letters. He only got them when they were transported to a major military base- and sometimes there would be five or more letters waiting for him at a time. Hongjoong liked to read them before he went to bed after spending close to an hour trying to scrub all the stains and smells off of his body.  Depending on where they were at the time they would get to sleep in actual beds inside the bunkers or sometimes they would have to sleep outside in tents- and contrary to popular belief Hongjoong preferred the tents. 

 

He would like to sit outside on a long by a small fire and look up at the stars, wondering if perhaps Mingi was looking up at the sky too and saw the same stars Hongjoong was seeing. He would read the letters like that, reading over each word twice and cherishing each and every one of them. Mingi would give him constant updates, telling Hongjoong that the three of them had been transported to a boatyard to work on ships and imported tanks that were coming in from across the ocean. 

 

In many letters Mingi claimed that they were doing well, he and Yunho fit in with the others pretty well and Jongho was a very fast learner. They got to work on fun projects and the food was good- that had been a very important fact that Mingi added multiple times- and the only injury so far was that he had accidentally dropped a hammer on his foot and his toe had turned purple for a few days. 

 

Sometimes Seonghwa would join Hongjoong. They shared a tent and so it was easy enough for the older to sit next to Hongjoong and rest his head on the younger's shoulder and read Mingi's letters to himself. On really nice nights, San would be out with them cleaning his and Wooyoung's guns, and if he was out then that meant Wooyoung was also outside. Yeosang would be there as well more times than not, sometimes teaching Wooyoung and a few others how to properly bandage and dress different kinds of wounds and how to look for infections. 

 

Hongjoong liked to write back when he could, which wasn't that often because the materials were never provided for them. Mingi often asked where they were in the world, and more times than not Hongjoong couldn't answer that because he had no clue. Though he was sure they were once again overseas, most likely somewhere in Europe, but he just told Mingi that they were somewhere far away.

 

Mingi said that he, Yunho, and Jongho missed them all terribly. Those words were always the hardest for Hongjoong to read, and he could tell Seonghwa felt the same before he never commented on those words as he did with some of the stories Mingi told them. Mingi also told them to be careful, he knew that the missions the five of them were going on were getting more and more dangerous as they continued to complete them and do well. The tall man claimed it was a pyramid system- the better they did the more dangerous the rescue missions they were assigned. 

 

With the way the missions had been going lately, Hongjoong couldn't have agreed more. 

 

Every night when a fire was assessable, Hongjoong would burn the letters. 

 

Out of the corner of his eye, he would see Seonghwa watch intently with Wooyoung's head on his lap as he ran his fingers through the younger's hair carefully. Hongjoong wanted to keep the letters, he really did, but he found the letters to be heavy- so he burned them and watched the smoke carry up the burned ash to the dark sky above them. 

 

"I miss them so much," San had said one night, laying back on the grass and looking up at the sky. The fire had nearly burned itself out and so it was hard to see where everyone really was, but Hongjoong could still see where San was and also where Seonghwa, Wooyoung, and Yeosang were sleeping huddled together right outside of their tents. He saw San raise up his arm, pointing to a very bright star. "When I find that I miss them more than I can bear, I tend to look up and find the North Star, then I pretend that they are also looking up at it at the same time I am."

 

Hongjoong found himself also looking up at the dark sea above them sparkling with millions of stars. He found the star San was talking about instantly, the brightness of it made him feel warm even though the air was cold that night. 

 

"Jongho and I would do that when we went out on our own missions. We would see who could find the North Star the quickest," San continued, dropping his arm to the ground. "I know they are all looking at it when the star twinkles at me. When it does, I don't feel like they are thousands of miles away... it's almost like they are right here with me."

 

Hongjoong blinked once as he breathed in deeply, his eyes focusing on the bright star. With San's words, he felt the earth grow smaller like it was only him and the North Star left. He stared at it for hours without blinking, afraid that if he did he would miss the twinkle he craved to see. San had fallen asleep like that not much later, his soft snores mixing with everyone else's- but even then Hongjoong did not give in to his body's desire to sleep.

 

It wasn't until it was nearly dawn when Hongjoong's eyes finally gave out. They burned as he finally blinked, the sting so painful it made his body seize and tense up. 

 

But it was worth it. As the sun was just starting to wake up, Hongjoong swore on all things good that he saw the star twinkle three times.

 

Whether the tears that leaked out of his closed eyes were because his eyes were so dry or because he felt overwhelmed with a deep emotion- it didn't matter. Hongjoong was just happy that something was able to give him the relief he needed, even if it was just for the few seconds he was still awake. 

 

At the end of the sixth year of traveling around the world, Yeosang was taken from them. 

 

It had been out of nowhere, but the blonde doctor had been called elsewhere. He was needed back where the heart of the cures was being made- they had received word about something that made Yeosang special in comparison to all the other doctors there. It was an instant order- they hadn't had time to say goodbye properly.

 

Hongjoong once again felt a piece of his heart die that day.

 

He knew deep down that Yeosang would be in a safer place. While the world was slowly becoming safer and safer with each passing day- it was still dangerous what they were doing. So in a way, Hongjoong was relieved, but the part of him that required him to have an eye on each of his friends at all times was slowly beginning to crumble inside of him. 

 

When Seonghwa held Yeosang in his arms before the blonde needed to leave, angry and hot tears in both of their eyes, Hongjoong knew Seonghwa would never let go.

 

He had lost Yeosang once. He wasn't going to let that happen again. 

 

Much unlike when Mingi, Yunho, and Jonho were taken away from them- Seonghwa became violent. When it happened the first time it had taken the older by surprise and had been in a state of shock that he wasn't able to do much of anything.

 

This time was different.

 

He put up a fight, physically harming anyone that tried to tell him that Yeosang was under orders to leave as soon as possible. Hongjoong had never seen Seonghwa quite like that before, the closest probably being when he was hacking his way through zombies to get to survivors and complete the rescue missions. It hurt him to watch it, knowing that if it wasn't Seonghwa who was keeping everyone from taking Yeosang away, it would've been him instead. 

 

That day had not ended well for Seonghwa. They had brought in big men to pull Seonghwa away from Yeosang while another man came by to give Seonghwa what Hongjoong guessed was a sedative. At that point, Hongjoong had seen red, his own composure snapping in half as he moved from where he was standing to join in on the fight.

 

There had been lots of yelling and screaming that day along with even more tears and complete breakdowns. 

 

Yeosang had been taken from them without more than fifteen minutes of notice. San and Wooyoung hadn't even been there to say goodbye because they were elsewhere completing their daily tasks. 

 

Hongjoong hadn't had the heart to tell them, the thought of speaking the words into existence was too hard for him to accept later when both of them came to the room Seonghwa and Hongjoong had been given. But it only took Wooyoung a few seconds to understand what had happened. He saw the way Seonghwa was out cold and restrained to the bed with Hongjoong sitting on the floor with his head in his hands.

 

"You're joking..." he had muttered, voice cracking as he crumbled to the floor as well with San standing stiffly behind him. "No way..."

 

When Wooyoung started crying was when Hongjoong could no longer be in the room. He got up and left in a rush of anger and fled the scene, choosing to go fire off some rounds at the base's shooting range. He must've fired off hundreds of rounds, so many that his shoulder had been bruised from the rifle's kickback, but even after all of that he didn't feel better.

 

Once again he was left feeling utterly useless. He held no power, he had failed to keep them all together again. 

 

After that day, they all struggled more than they had ever before. 

 

The next mission they went on would end up being their last- it had been a relatively easy mission to complete before they were to be transported back overseas once again. The objective was to find a group of ten survivors that had been giving out a distress call for a few weeks. They weren't given orders to blow up the small town like they were supposed to with all the others, it was just to get the people out and then leave as quickly as possible. 

 

Easy.

 

But Hongjoong could tell that something was off. He only needed one look over to where Seonghwa was standing at the entrance of the building where the signal had been going off nonstop to see that the older was incredibly uneasy.  That alone was enough for Hongjoong to know that something was wrong, over the years he had learned that Seonghwa's senses were never wrong. He always knew when an area was too dangerous or when something wasn't quite right- and after what had happened in Gwangju and the laboratory many years ago-Hongjoong would never doubt Seonghwa's senses again.

 

They all had found out what was wrong pretty quickly too.

 

They were in a squad of fifteen people, all of them were heavily experienced so it made everything easier in Hongjoong's opinion. As they had walked through the building they had not seen a single person or zombie, and as they climbed higher and higher it seemed Seonghwa looked almost sick to his stomach, his skin producing a slight green color every time they passed by a window that shined light on his skin. 

 

The whole situation was already scary enough, and with Hongjoong and Seonghwa leading their squad, it made his skin crawl with each step they took up the long flights of stairs. When they reached the very top floor was when they found the signal, a recording on an old VHS tape next to a series of equipment he was not familiar with. The room had been empty with no survivors in sight. 

 

Seonghwa had called the mission off them, pressing his hand to the in-ear piece to say it was a false led. 

 

Hongjoong hadn't been so sure of that.

 

Nothing had happened until they reached the bottom of the building, all of them breathing hard because of the heat and the number of stairs. That was when they found out why Seonghwa had been so uneasy- the threat was waiting for them at the bottom of the stairs and it was like nothing they had ever seen before.

 

Hongjoong would've proudly claimed that he had seen it all at that point. From traps to traitors to manhunters to mutated zombies- everything. The number of traps they had fallen into over the years was infinite as was the number of people who turned insane. Hongjoong rarely found those circumstances to surprise him.

 

But this did. 

 

"Jesus Christ," San had said out loud, the first word anyone had said when they reached the bottom floor. 

 

What lay before them were the ten survivors for sure, but it was the bite and scratch marks that covered their bodies along with the molding flesh around the wounds that made them all take a step back. It was clear that those wounds were not new, especially with the way their eyes were white and glazed, skin flaking off while flies circled them as if they were dead carcasses. The only problem was that the bodies could speak and reason with them- speaking words to keep them frozen in fear so they could get closer to attack.

 

Hongjoong didn't know whether or not to put them in the dead or alive category- and that was what was messing with his moral compass the longer the creatures kept talking. It wasn't until one of them, a young woman by the looks of it who looked to have had something take a bite out of her cheek, read Hongjoong's name off of his suit- that someone finally reacted.

 

Wooyoung had fired the first shot. 

 

What happened after that was a blur. Hongjoong didn't like to remember it. He hadn't killed a living person ever since he was in a gang- he wasn't entirely sure if the things in front of him were alive or not, but if they could read then it was close enough. It messed with his brain in a horrible way, and with each pull of the trigger, he felt more and more lost. 

 

When it was over, their team had taken some serious hits. Three of them were down, bloody bite marks that tore through their suits. It had been very difficult to kill them, harder than it was a normal or mutated zombie. They found the only way to keep them down and dead was to sever the head from the shoulders completely- a task only Seonghwa was really good at. The ending result was very bloody, thick puddles of it that none of them could avoid to step it.

 

When Hongjoong heard Wooyoung cry out, his body sort of hidden behind and almost under another body, was when the world stopped.  

 

Seonghwa was already by the younger man's side at the first strangled cry, shoving the heavy body off of him and frantically looking for bites or whatever had made Wooyoung start crying and shaking like he was. 

 

"I think it's broken-" Wooyoung managed to get out, sitting up and reaching down his leg to try and gesture to his foot from what Hongjoong could tell. 

 

San was also by his side as fast as he could, dropping his gun to the floor to look over Wooyoung's legs. 

 

"I- I tripped backward over sometimes and I fell- then something landed on my foot and I heard a snap and-" Wooyoung was crying hysterically, not even allowing himself to look down where his right foot was. 

 

From where Hongjoong was standing he could definitely see the very weird angle that Wooyoung's foot was in. It was definitely broken, that much was evident when San's eyes widened and moved his body to block Wooyoung's view so he couldn't see how bad the damage was. Hongjoong figured the break was at his ankle, and judging by how flimsy his foot was- it was bad.

 

Broken bones and torn ligaments would be the best-case scenario. 

 

"We have to get him out of here right now," Seonghwa ordered, wrapping his arm under Wooyoung's shoulders to hold him close. "Someone brace his ankle right now! We gotta get out of here!"

 

At that Hongjoong was moving forward, sinking down to his knees in a fresh pool of blood to help bind Wooyoung's broken and heavily swollen ankle with what little they had. It had been a nightmare, Wooyoung's loud cries had put holes in their chests, and Hongjoong remembered wishing that Yeosang had been there to be able to care for the younger man properly.

 

After that day, the four of them were discharged. 

 

Hongjoong would never question it verbally to anyone, but he truly didn't know why they were let go. It had been a miracle in disguise, but as soon as they were able to leave the town and get Wooyoung back to the base to receive proper treatment, Hongjoong and Seonghwa had been approached by one of the commanding generals who told them they were being let go.  At the time, they understood why Wooyoung was being discharged because of the degree of the break in his ankle, but why he, Seonghwa, and San were being let go didn't make any sense. 

 

But it didn't matter. 

 

No more missions, no more zombies, no more killing- they were done. 

 

For the first time in so many years, Hongjoong was able to sink down into his seat and breathe out a sigh of relief. The weight of the world was no longer on his shoulders it seemed, and even though Wooyoung was in the room in front of them still crying because the pain medication hadn't kicked in, Hongjoong felt at peace. 

 

"I heard the other day that the world is really starting to rebuild," Seonghwa said a while after hearing the news himself. "It's really taken forever but things are really moving forward now. They are slowly starting to discharge these rescue mission teams, there are only a few left in service now."

 

"We went from survivors to the military's puppets," Hongjoong had muttered, turning his head to see the older man next to him. "I feel like they dragged this out for far too long."

 

"They did," Seonghwa agreed. "But at least the world is safe now."

 

"We managed to survive it again. We did our part in making the world a better place."

 

Seonghwa's lips curved into a smile, the corner of his eyes crinkling just a little. "We did. All I care about right now is getting everyone together again like we were supposed to be. It's been six years too long, I've almost forgotten their voices. I know Mingi, Yunho, and Jongho are still in the same place- we should make plans to go there once Wooyoung is healed."

 

"The break was bad," Hongjoong's eyes glanced towards the room that held Wooyoung behind a closed door. He knew San was in there too. "It's going to be a long time before he can walk on it properly."

 

Seonghwa only nodded his head and didn't say anything. They would have to wait, but at the least the countdown to being able to see the people he treasured most was ticking once again.

 

So they waited.

 

They waited, and waited, and waited.

 

The four of them were brought to a community and given a place to live. It was pretty heavily populated and it reminded Hongjoong of what the world was like before the apocalypse started. Wooyoung was on crutches for many months, and while it had dampened his spirit for a while, they seemed to grow as he began to get used to a more normal life. It seemed that the days of bloodshed were over for them, and even though the countless nightmares and mental breakdowns wouldn't go away for a long time, there was something healing about seeing a safe community with high spirits. 

 

Hongjoong had learned that a lot of places were like this. He learned that humans were rebuilding very quickly. They were determined to put the world back together piece by piece. Slow and steady wins the race- the old saying proved to be true after all. Hongjoong also learned that either people preferred to bond together with as many others as they could or they preferred to be all alone. 

 

It was easy to tell within their community who was who in that situation. Hongjoong and Seonghwa kept to themselves in the living space they were given while San and Wooyoung branched out. Hongjoong wasn't surprised in the slightest, he knew that given the opportunity Wooyoung's social butterfly would spark and pull everyone to him. He even knew the same would be for San, even though the younger man didn't know it yet because he wasn't used to a community quite like the one they were currently occupying. San was a social butterfly as well, perhaps slightly more reserved than Wooyoung was- but put them together and they were a force to be reckoned with.

 

As the months passed and Wooyoung's ankle healed slowly but surely, things seemed to be getting better for them.

 

Mingi still wrote, and sometimes Yunho and Jongho would add in their own little updates to share. Hongjoong still cherished them, writing back immediately when he could. 

 

Sometimes when it was late at night, Hongjoong would hear Seongnhwa and Wooyoung talk about how much they missed Yunho. That trio had been together since the very beginning and they had never been slipt up. Despite Seonghwa claiming he didn't have favorites- it was clear that both Wooyoung and Yunho held a special place in his heart. The older never talked about it as a way to protect his own heart, but Hongjoong knew that Seonghwa was suffering silently from missing them.

 

At least he still had Wooyoung by his side. Hongjoong feared the day that the younger would be taken away from Seonghwa. He hoped it would never happen.

 

They hadn't heard anything from Yeosang though. It had been a long time, and Hongjoong even asked Mingi if he had heard anything about the blonde. Mingi hadn't, none of them had. Yeosang's whereabouts were unknown, no one knew what had happened to him or how he was doing. It put a heavy weight on Hongjoong's body not knowing if Yeosang was okay or not- and he knew Seonghwa felt the same.

 

The two of them spent an ungodly amount of time at night talking about it. Sometimes Seonghwa would lock their fingers together to keep himself grounded as they tried to figure out where in the world Yeosang was and if he was doing alright. They would also talk about how they would get back to Mingi and the rest of them, Seonghwa had an unlimited amount of plans in case each failed.

 

He was determined to see them again and bring them all together.

 

Seonghwa's character had changed at least five times in the past year. Hongjoong was having a hard time keeping up with it. But then again they all were changing like crazy, not understanding the intense emotions running through them. He knew in the back of his mind that it was their brain's way of finally catching up with itself and trying to heal from all the emotional damage.

 

Now with the immediate danger out of the way and the reconstruction of the world was finally taking off- it had sent everyone into a confused state. They all were in a vulnerable state with heavy emotions that rivaled nature itself. It had been much different than the time they had spent at the beach house without the serious threat of zombies around.

 

Hongjoong wasn't entirely sure why that was the case, but he figured it was because they were now surrounded by a community of people and life was beginning to flourish once more. It seemed the human race was back on top of the food chain, and they all knew it would only grow from there as long as there were no crazy setbacks. 

 

But Hongjoong knew the world. He knew how life worked. It had been too easy for them for a little too long. He believed in luck when it was convenient for him, but as the days seemed to grow shorter and the sun would set quicker making the sky black and endless, he knew their luck was beginning to run out.

 

With the official end of the apocalypse came millions of questions.

 

How did it spread worldwide? How did it start? Where did it start? What were the chances it was going to happen again?

 

All were questions Hongjoong and Seonghwa talked about as they spent their recent days holed up in their living space, not wanting to go outside. But none of the questions were truly answered, all the people got were a few short words that meant nothing and only created even more questions. As time went by, people stepped up from the shadows and filled in positions of power. 

 

The world needed leaders, is what they claimed, now more than ever. 

 

Hongjoong sat back and watched the chaos and tension build all over the world. He and Seonghwa would sit around a radio, sometimes with Wooyoung and San if they were interested, and listen to all the speeches being broadcasted all over the world of new building plans, elections, the next steps forward- and all things political. 

 

The only answer the people were able to squeeze out of the researchers who had been trying to track down patient zero for many, many years now- was that it started in South Korea. They didn't know the cause, and they weren't sure which city it was created in. At the word 'created' Hongjoong knew instantly there would be an uproar at that, and he hadn't been wrong. 

 

There were riots. People all over the world demanded answers. It truly did seem that things were beginning to change for the worse as soon as everything became political once again.

 

The four of them stayed in the shadows, for the most part, knowing that it was best to not get caught up in the mob. They knew what would happen in a hostile situation when the stress of the unknown was right before their open hands. They had seen it first hand after all, and so when the riots came through their town, Hongjoong and Seonghwa simply turned out the lights and pulled the curtains over the windows, and locked the door.

 

No one needed to know they were home. 

 

When it got so bad that military personnel would be called into the major cities to try and keep the peace was when the experts claimed that an apocalypse would never happen again. They were firm in their answer, so sure of themselves that another outbreak simply won't happen so there was no need to worry.

 

Hongjoong remembered squeezing his hands into fists at that.  

 

"They don't know that for sure," Seonghwa had muttered, his voice deep in his throat as he stared at the small radio on the table between them with a dark gaze. "One could break out at any second. They can't promise shit!"

 

Wooyoung had turned off the radio after that and none of them said anything.

 

It became quiet, not even a distant sound between the four of them. They all held their breaths, straining their ears to see if they could possibly hear the distant shouts at the town square a few blocks down from them. 

 

Hongjoong remembered thinking of metaphorical crickets before Seonghwa had got up and left.

 

It only went downhill from there.

 

The day that a loud sound came knocking at their door was the day Hongjoong knew something was bound to change their lives forever... yet again. 

 

It was early in the morning, but due to old habits, Hongjoong and Seonghwa were already up and having a cup of coffee with a light breakfast while Wooyoung and San were still sleeping upstairs. The sudden noise had startled them both, their bodies tensing and looking for the closest object next to them that could be used as a weapon. As the sound of another knock, Hongjoong stood up from his seat and went over to the door to see who it was and what trouble they were bringing. 

 

Just by looking out the small peephole at the top of the door, Hongjoong could see the slick black uniform that he had worn before many times. Hongjoong didn't recognize the man standing there with papers in his hands, but he did recognize the symbol sewed into the uniform. 

 

"Does Kim Hongjoong live here?" The man asked when Hongjoong finally opened the door just enough to peek his head through.  

 

Hongjoong felt himself clench his jaw, his eyes narrowing at the question. "That's me."

 

"I am reporting from the rescue mission division, I have received orders to retrieve you and some others for further business with the military."

 

"We were discharged a long time ago, we are no longer doing business with the military," Hongjoong spoke, standing up straight with better posture, but still keeping the door relatively closed so the man couldn't see inside.

 

The man ignored him.

 

"Does Park Seonghwa live with you?"

 

"Why does that matter-"

 

"He does."

 

Hongjoong felt the door open from behind him and a heavy presence settle to his side. He didn't need to look to know that Seonghwa had made himself known, his voice clearly annoyed that his morning routine was interrupted by people he never wanted to see again. 

 

At seeing Seonghwa, the man in front of them handed the papers to him and proceeded to step back a little bit. "If you wouldn't mind I have some things I would like to discuss with you. It is important business and I know you would want to hear it. Perhaps you will come with me for a moment, I promise we will not go far and I will make it quick." 

 

Hongjoong immediately opened up his mouth to say a hard no and grab Seonghwa's arm to pull him back so he could slam the door shut- but the older was already moving forward with an incredibly dark gaze.

 

The younger stood in the doorway with his arms crossed at his chest as he watched the man walk down to where the street was with Seonghwa following after him. They stopped there, true to the man's word, and he proceeded to say something to Seonghwa that was just out of Hongjoong's hearing range. It was beyond infuriating, he found himself seething the longer the man kept talking and the more Seonghwa's face pinched together like he had just tried some of Hongjoong's attempts at cooking.

 

At one point, Seonghwa's hands shot up and grabbed onto the man's collar and yanked him forward with a yell of his own that Hongjoong definitely heard.

 

"You will do no such thing!" 

 

Hongjoong felt his fingers twitch as a hot spike of heat flushed through his chest. He wanted to know what was going on, he wanted to know what the man was saying that made Seonghwa react that way. The older was calm headed for the most part. He knew which fights to engage in and which ones were pointless- he didn't blow up unless something was seriously wrong or someone he loved was being threatened.

 

Suddenly, Hongjoong felt his stomach drop.

 

Seonghwa was coming back, the papers in his hand crinkled and destroyed with how tight he was holding onto them. He looked pissed beyond belief, his eyes dark and his lips pressed together so tightly they were white. 

 

"What did he say?" Hongjoong asked as soon as Seonghwa stormed back inside and threw the papers to the floor, slamming the door shut as soon as both of them were back inside. 

 

For a second, the younger thought Seonghwa wasn't going to answer him. He was pacing back and forth in the kitchen, his fingers pressed into the temples on his forehead as he looked completely distraught. It wasn't easy for Hongjoong to watch as the man he loved seemed to break down in a new way he hadn't seen before.

 

"They-"

 

Seonghwa started but then stopped before laughing hysterically. The sound made Hongjoong shiver, his heart beginning to beat faster as he watched Seonghwa completely lose it.

 

"They're taking San and Wooyoung away from us."

 

Hongjoong saw red. 

 

 

-~-

 

 

There was a time in his life when Hongjoong wasn't sure that things were going to work out for them. In fact, there were plenty of times when he had to sit down and try to accept that all the plans they had created together simply wouldn't happen because the universe had other plans for him. That's why he struggled to plan things so far into the future, he didn't want to get his hopes up and then have them crushed to a fine grain.

 

Despite his hard exterior, Hongjoong knew his heart was too fragile for its own well-being. He didn't take loss of any kind well, especially the loss of the people he loved. 

 

There was a time in his life when he was younger than he expected that life always worked itself out, that there was always a happy ending. As the protagonist of his own story- there would indeed be a happy ending even if the journey had been nothing but pain and loss. At least that's how it had been in all the books he read as a kid. It had been a dream of his, to grow up and see the world, to explore it and find out all the secrets it held. Even as a young kid Hongjoong was always looking for an adventure, his little spirit had been twice his size and three times as strong.

 

But as he grew up, his family situation had changed, and then the following steps he took as a teenager he came to realize that the stories he read about happy endings were only that: just a story. It had broken his inner child when his family fell apart, and Hongjoong could trace back his anger issues to that very day when it happened. 

 

As his life flew by, his heart turned more and more solid with each year that passed. In his early twenties, he was sure that he had already experienced the best parts of his life, he figured it simply wouldn't get better for him. That was when the apocalypse happened- it destroyed his home and most of his country overnight. It was a phenomenon he still couldn't piece together, but he figured it was the universe punishing him for something he had done wrong- which the list of shameful things he had done in the past was not short by any means. 

 

Though in the midst of the horrific events and the many years that passed living in fear of his life constantly, Hongjoong had come to find that perhaps he still had yet to experience the best years of his life. He was never sure how to express himself properly- he grew jealous of how Mingi always seemed to be buddy-buddy with everyone he spoke to and how even Yeosang of all people also could express himself better than Hongjoong could. 

 

It had been a miracle that the seven men he had come to know even gave him a chance. He hated his past self, he truly did. He wished he could go back and fix his behavior and figure out how to act like a normal human person without constantly picking a fight every second of the day. There was nothing he could do about it now, the past was in the past, and he was lucky enough to have his life graced with those seven amazing men. 

 

They truly were a blessing. While he claimed that Seonghwa had saved him- he knew that each and every one of them played a special part in rescuing Hongjoong from himself. Hongjoong had preached independence back in the day, but he could confidently say now that he would not have been able to survive all that time alone. They had opened his eyes to see his real self.

 

After the long years of trying to remove the splinter from everyone else's eye, they had helped him remove the log from his own.

 

For that, he was eternally grateful.

 

However, there came to also be a time in his life when he wished he had never met them. He had always heard that it was better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all- but in the midst of losing what he had loved, he wasn't sure that was true. When they were taken away from him, one by one, Hongjoong had found himself wishing he had never met them, had never known their names, and had never come to call them his family. 

 

Each loss had ripped out his heart over and over again, the wound never healed and there was nothing that could soothe the pain. If he had never met them, then he would have never hurt as he did. He would have never become inconsolable, his heart would have never ached constantly, and he would have never grown dim and lifeless. 

 

Perhaps it was better to have never loved at all, because the pain he and Seonghwa had felt was comparable to nothing. 

 

But as Hongjoong ran after Seonghwa down the long hill, tripping multiple times over random rocks hidden within the long grass that brushed against them, he knew that perhaps he hadn't been quite right. As he ran and ran, following nearly blindly because his vision was blurry with tears, Hongjoong wondered if he had given up on his happy ending a little too soon. 

 

Seonghwa ran ahead of him faster than he had ever run before, flying down the hill to reach where his heart was calling him. Hongjoong was not too far behind, in utter disbelief of what they had seen. He truly did expect that what Seonghwa had seen had been an illusion of their still mourning minds, and when they would reach the end of the cliff- the illusion would be gone and their hearts would be shattered for the final time. 

 

"Wooyoung!" He heard Seonghwa yell, the sound that came from his throat was so strained that Hongjoong worried that the older's vocal cords were strained too much. "San!"

 

At the call of their names, Hongjoong found his feet no longer moving. He had stopped where he was, his body frozen as he watched the two men who were standing at the cliff's edge turn around at the sound of their names. Hongjoong's chest ached endlessly, the wind blowing harshly at his back as he watched Wooyoung's mouth drop open before his face immediately pinched into a pained expression.

 

Wooyoung didn't say anything, it looked like he couldn't, before he was running blindly to meet Seonghwa's body. Neither of them slowed down, colliding with each other with such power and collapsing to the ground in each other's arms. Hongjoong watched it happen, he watched carefully to make sure Wooyoung didn't disappear into thin air as Seonghwa smothered him into the ground, repeating the younger man's name like it was a holy word. 

 

Hongjoong had been moving closer to them subconsciously, his knees so weak as he allowed his heart to rejoice for just a few seconds. 

 

It had been years- it had been so long. No communication, no word, no knowledge of if they were okay- nothing. Hongjoong hadn't even known if they were alive or what happened to them, it had been agonizing trying to accept that there was a good chance Wooyoung and San were no longer living.

 

On the ground, Seonghwa had his arms wrapped around Wooyoung's shaking body, soft cries could be heard from both of them. Seonghwa had pulled Wooyoung's face into his chest, his cries for once sound relieved unlike the hundreds of nights he woke up sobbing in the middle of the night from a horrendous nightmare that not even Hongjoong wanted to know about. He could hear slurred words between them, but he couldn't quite make it out. 

 

"Hongjoong..."

 

Hongjoong snapped his head up, a slight pain erupting in the back of his neck as he did, and looked to where San was standing still. He hadn't moved even a step, the setting sun creating a beautiful glow around his body that made him look rather saintly. Hongjoong could see San's hair was longer, the younger man clearly had grown it out from the last time Hongjoong had seen him- but other than that, San looked the same.

 

Besides the added age, San really did look like the first day Hongjoong had met him. 

 

San stood there, his lips parted in disbelief, his eyes quickly filling with tears that Hongjoong could see from where he was standing. Hongjoong felt exactly like how San looked, he knew at that moment they were a mirror image of each other. Chilling disbelief filled their veins, looking at each other without moving in fear that as soon as they did the mirage would disappear into thin air.

 

"Sannie," Hongjoong felt himself say, his throat suddenly tight as San reacted to the call of his name with his chin wobbling. 

 

San didn't look completely destroyed like Wooyoung and Seonghwa did, the two of them still holding each other on the ground a few feet away from them, and when Hongjoong's lips parted as he shook his head, the tears finally spilled from his eyes, San tilted his head with a smile so beautiful despite the tears of his own falling down his cheeks.

 

"You're alive," he said before pressing his lips together, swallowing down the cry that was working its way out of his throat. 

 

Immediately Hongjoong opened his arms, and that was all San needed to take off. 

 

When the older felt San's body hit his own, Hongjoong knew he had forgotten just how warm love felt. He knew he had forgotten how good it was, and as San pressed his face into Hongjoong's shoulder and held him close, his tears staining Hongjoong's shirt, Hongjoong couldn't help but feel he was touching the sun itself. 

 

Slowly Hongjoong wrapped his own arms around San, his palms pressing into the younger's back, and held him tightly. 

 

"We thought we would never see you guys again," San choked out, the words muffled in Hongjoong's neck. It only made his eyes burn, but he couldn't seem to close them as he stared at the setting sun, feeling like he couldn't close his eyes in fear that he would miss the moment. 

 

"We thought- Wooyoung and I thought-."

 

"Shhh," Hongjoong pushed out, his teeth biting into his lower lip to keep himself grounded. 

 

"We thought you guys had died," San cried out anyways. His arms, both real and not, tightened around Hongjoong even more.

 

Hongjoong could only shake his head, a smile finally making its way to his face as he allowed his eyes to close and breathe in deeply. San's scent filled his nose, so familiar and unique that it settled Hongjoong's nerves instantly.

 

"I'm here now," the older said, bringing his hand up to smooth over San's head. "I'm here San."

 

At some point, Hongjoong vaguely recognized two more bodies joining him and San. He could instantly recognize the warm and comforting embrace of his lover, and then the other warm body to be Wooyoung's. 

 

In the background, the seagulls were making their noises, squawking loudly and flying all around them as the world started to darken more and more. Hongjoong allowed himself to be held, not usually a fan of physical contact all that much unless it was Seonghwa, but he found that he craved it more than anything in his life at that moment. If he was dreaming, then it would be the most beautiful and cruel dream ever- and if he woke up then he knew his body would be covered in a thick sweat with tears in his eyes. 

 

"I'm so glad you guys are okay," Seonghwa whispered, his arms tightening around them. "I feard the worst."

 

It took a little while longer before they were ready to let go. But after reality set in with them that it was not a dream after all and it was real- they were really standing in front of each other- they knew it was going to be okay. San pulled away first to wipe at his reddened eyes and then the rest of them followed after. Seonghwa hadn't bothered to wipe his face off, still staring at the two younger ones with such adoration that Hongjoong couldn't help but smile even more.

 

"We didn't see a vehicle out front," Hongjoong said, trying to be nonchalant about wiping his nose. "We didn't know anyone was here."

 

"San wanted to hike," Wooyoung answered, throwing a harmless glare at the man next to him. "We're parked somewhere random in the town down the road- something about too much nervous energy that he needed to walk off. We didn't know if anyone else would be here today, so we both were really nervous."

 

"Seonghwa thought that same thing too," Hongjoong chuckled softly, feeling the older man smack him the second he opened his mouth. "He didn't think anyone would remember and no one would show up."

 

"That's not true-!"

 

"We had like a year conversation about it!"

 

"Can you blame me? I didn't want to travel all this way to just be heartbroken again!"

 

"Well good thing we did. Otherwise, we wouldn't have been able to see San and Wooyoung again!"

 

Wooyoung and San just stared at each other before they broke out into smiles and soft laughs. The sound was heavenly, Hongjoong never knew how much he missed it.

 

"You guys never change do you?" Wooyoung asked, his eyes bright and lively. San threw an arm over Wooyoung's shoulder, his dimples on full display while he agreed with the other man. "After all these years you still bicker like an old married couple... I hate to say it but I really did miss it."

 

Hongjoong felt his mouth close shut, his eyes briefly looking over at Seonghwa who had a similar expression. 

 

"You're right," he sighed, reaching his hand out to lock his pinky with Seonghwa's. He smiled gently, tilting his head to the side as Seonghwa gave him a soft and knowing look. "We really haven't changed a bit."

 

They went back up to the house after that, Seonghwa and Wooyoung immediately began to talk up a storm about anything and everything. Wooyoung claimed they had a lot to catch up on, locking elbows with Seonghwa and chatting away happily.

 

Yeah, nothing had changed. 

 

When they reached the house,  Wooyoung and Seonghwa sat down on the back steps of the house while Hongjoong and San looked at each other with a questioning gaze.

 

"Should we make a fire? The sun will be setting soon," San offered, pointing behind him to where the sun indeed would be disappearing soon.

 

Hongjoong nodded, then followed San to go and find some firewood and materials they needed to make a fire. They carried a few dry logs back with them under their arms, dropping them down to the ground near the fire pit they had created many years back. It really didn't take too long to get a flame going, the wind had died down significantly and the temperature outside became comfortable for them all. Wooyoung and Seonghwa were still talking, big smiles on their faces as they discussed clothing of all things. 

 

Hongjoong had stood by the fire as it grew, feeling his heart pound crazily against his chest as he had seen a smile on Seonghwa's face that he hadn't seen for so long.

 

"They look so happy," San said, standing up from the ground and dusting off his knees. He stood next to Hongjoong as the fire began to crackle as the flames grew, creating even more warmth around them. 

 

"They are happy. Seonghwa was never the same when they took you from us," Hongjoong sighed, turning his gaze to look down at the burning fire, ignoring the way the smoke burned his eyes. "I was never the same either after that either."

 

San hummed, nodding his head as he too looked out to the calm sea and the nearly set sun. When he turned back to Hongjoong, the older could see a more tense look in the younger's eyes.

 

"We thought we were never going to see you guys again," he said softly, his eyes downturned towards the ground.

 

At that, a log on the fire shifted and a bunch of burning hot embers flew in the air.

 

"That day when they took us and shoved us on a plane, we didn't know where we were going... Seonghwa just told us we'd be safe and so Wooyoung and I tried our best to not be scared," San continued, his voice lower in volume. "You'd think after all this time we wouldn't find things scary anymore, but for the first time in a long time, I was truly terrified. They didn't tell us anything at all and we flew for what felt like forever..."

 

"I'm sorry San," Hongjoong cut in, his words genuine. "We did everything we could."

 

At that San smiled, a soft nod of his head followed after.

 

"We never doubted that. Wooyoung knew that Seonghwa wouldn't let him go unless he had tried everything humanly possible and then some," he said, allowing his gaze to find Hongjoong's eyes. "And I knew you wouldn't either."

 

"Months after you two left, we were still trying to play the system. We hardly slept- the torment of each night being away from all of you was too much."

 

San pressed his lips together, the soft glow of the fire lighting up the shadows underneath his cheekbones. He smiled again after that, little wrinkles formed at the end of his eyes as he did.

 

"It's been torment for everyone," he said with a shrug of his shoulders as he sat down on one of the logs used as a chair around the fire. Hongjoong followed after him, his knees popping as he sat down. "We did everything we could to get in contact with you two, but our letters were always sent back."

 

Before Hongjoong could say anything, Wooyoung and Seonghwa were coming over to join the other two around the campfire. Seonghwa sat next to Hongjoong and Wooyoung sat next to San, leaning his head on the older man's shoulder. The warmth that followed was nice, but the comfortable silence that fell between them was even nicer.

 

Hongjoong couldn't remember the last time that the silence didn't suffocate him.

 

Part of his still wondered if he was dreaming. Having Wooyoung and San next to him felt like only something a dream could gift him- after everything that had happened to them- it didn't seem realistic to finally see them again. But as Hongjoong allowed himself to look over his two friends, his brothers, he found himself unable to suppress the gentlest smile that curved his lips upwards. 

 

Even in their older age, they still reminded Hongjoong of the young men he had met when the world ended.

 

As cliche as it sounded, Hongjoong liked to think that when the rest world ended, his had finally started. He often wondered how many new beginnings a person got. How many restarts were they granted in life? How many second, third, and fourth chances were they allowed to have? Was there truly a limit?

 

The answer, he came to find as his heart's frosty layer was beginning to melt, was that perhaps they would get as many new beginnings as they needed until they found the right one.

 

Hongjoong heard Wooyoung sigh, the male's dark hair covering his eyes just a little as he twirled his fingers together on his lap.

 

"Is it wrong for me to feel upset that it's just us?" He asked softly, not daring to look at anyone else besides the burning fire.

 

By now the sun had gone down completely, though some purple and dark red colors were still left visible along the horizon.

 

"No, it's not," Seonghwa answered.

 

"Realistically, San and I knew it would only be us here today," Wooyoung continued, clasping his fingers together tightly. "We had really hoped that we wouldn't find ourselves alone here today, but as the day dragged on and on, we knew that it would only be us looking at the sunset and reliving the memories we shared here together."

 

Seonghwa opened his mouth like he was going to say something but then closed it just as fast as he opened it.

 

"I got to tell San some of the stories of when I was here alone with Seonghwa and Yunho," the younger kept going, his smile breaking the melancholy look on his face. "I'm sure he's heard them twenty times before, but I couldn't help myself. I make sure to constantly tell our stories just to make sure I don't forget them."

 

"You'll have to tell me, Seonghwa doesn't tell me anything," Hongjoong joked softly to lighten the mood.

 

"Hey! That's not true!"

 

Wooyoung laughed at that, his teeth poking out from behind his smile. The sight before all three of them was truly brighter than the sun could ever hope to be.

 

He leaned into San some more, the older man wrapping an arm around the younger and pulling him so their sides were flush together.

 

"I won't lie, seeing you two here has been the best thing that has happened to us," Wooyoung claimed after another long moment of silence. "San and I were just getting ready to leave, we decided that it wouldn't be worth staying after the sunset. It was just another reminder that it was just us in this big and lonely world. Sure we have our community where we currently live, but even they don't feel like family after all this time. I can't explain it, but it's like my heart knew that my true family was somewhere out there. Even though I didn't know if you guys were still alive... it was like my heart knew."

 

"What he's trying to say without making us all emotional," San jumped in, an uneasiness to his voice. "Was that we're really thankful you guys came. I can only imagine how hard it was."

 

"It's us who should be thanking you two," Hongjoong shook his head, reaching out his hand and leaning over to give San's shoulder a squeeze. 

 

San looked at him with adoring eyes. Beautiful and youthful eyes that still held so much wonder for life and adventure. It made Hongjoong feel twenty years younger.  

 

"Do you think.... no it's silly," Seonghwa had started, but immediately cut himself off with an awkward chuckle and wave of his hands. Hongjoong turned to look at him, his head tilted to the side to see Seonghwa do his best to not look so disappointed.

 

"What is it?" He asked, but Seonghwa shook his head without any more words. "Remember what we talked about? Nothing is too silly or dumb to ask."

 

At that, Seonghwa just sighed heavily as his head dropped down, his fingers clenching the loose and dark fabric of his pants.

 

"Do you think they'll come?" He asked so quietly that everyone else almost missed it. The question was so vulnerable because it showed that Seonghwa hadn't yet given up hope that perhaps the others would still come. Hongjoong and him had given each other a pep talk before they set foot on the mainland again, making sure to tell each other not to get their hopes up that anyone would be there. They prepared each other for the worst, so when it came to be true it wouldn't hurt as much.

 

Without contact with any of them for years, Seonghwa and Hongjoong had assumed the worst.

 

But upon seeing Wooyoung and San, it seemed that hope had blossomed in Seonghwa that just maybe, the worst hadn't yet happened. 

 

It made Hongjoong's chest ache painfully because he didn't know how to answer that question. He too had hoped that maybe upon the final hour they could all be together once more, but he wasn't sure he could allow his heart to become that open just yet.

 

"We haven't seen Yunho, Jongho, or Mingi for a few years," San admitted, reaching his arm up to rub against the back of his neck. "We all just stopped contacting each other after we never heard anything from you two. I think it's because we all got too scared to potentially find out that our letters weren't going through because you had died, so we stopped sending letters to the three of them for that same reason. I know they were in a safe location and all that for the most part, but what they were doing was really dangerous."

 

"So I'll take that as a no then," Seonghwa nodded his head with his lips pressed together. "I understand, I'm not sure why I allowed myself to imagine all eight of us sitting around the fire again."

 

Hongjoong felt his fingers twitch as he pushed the tip of his boots into the dirt.

 

"It's been fifteen years to the day," Wooyoung answered, lifting his head off San's shoulder. "Fifteen long and painful years, and I too hoped that I would be able to see everyone again."

 

Fifteen years.

 

That was longer than the whole apocalypse lasted. Though it was debatable whether the apocalypse truly ended on the fateful year fifteen years ago or if it truly ended just a mere year ago. It didn't matter to Hongjoong at the end of the day. 

 

"We had a good run," San said, his words so genuine that Hongjoong couldn't help but agree.

 

Besides Hongjoong, Seonghwa stirred. It was different from all the movements he had made throughout the day. This one held urgency and uneasiness, but not the nervous kind. It seemed as though he had heard a sound he was not familiar with, all those years of experience and training left him constantly on edge no matter if he knew he was safe. 

 

Hongjoong looked at Seonghwa whose pupils had blown up twice their normal size. He looked crazy in the glow of the fire, his body had grown stiff like it did when he was trying his best to listen for the smallest of sounds.

 

"Seonghwa?"

 

The older man blinked a few times, before slowly turning his head over his shoulder to peer into the darkness that lay beyond the beach house down where the small fisherman town would be.

 

"I thought I heard something," he said, catching the attention of the two younger ones. "Like an engine of some sort... but my ears could be playing tricks on me."

 

Hongjoong inhaled deeply knowing that it was very likely that Seonghwa's mind was playing tricks on him and making him hear things he desperately wanted to. It wouldn't be the first time it's happened and it certainly wouldn't be the last.

 

But just as he was going to reach over and guide Seonghwa's face back to the fire so he wouldn't get a cramp in his neck- Hongjoong heard it too. It was muffled, but as the mysterious noise seemed to get closer to them, it also got louder. The sound of an engine was unmistakable, there was no doubt that it was a vehicle of some kind. The familiar rumble left a spark of adrenaline running through Hongjoong's veins as he stood up, his body tense as Seonghwa immediately stood next to him.

 

It only got louder, the sound of gravel being pushed around was deafening in Hongjoong's ears. It was at that moment that he wished he had brought some sort of weapon with him, he had gotten so used to not needing any for protection in the countryside that he hadn't brought even a handgun or knife with him. It seemed the rest didn't either, San and Wooyoung were also on their feet ready to bolt in any direction if the situation called for it.

 

There was a bright light that illuminated the outline of the run-down beach house, most likely the headlights of the vehicle that had just pulled up to the house. The engine was cut not a moment longer, all four of them strained their ears to hear doors opening and closing, heavy footsteps squishing the gravel of the ground as they took steps. Hongjoong wasn't quite sure how many people there were exactly, but there was definitely more than one. Had he been younger and in practice, then he easily would've been able to tell the exact number of people there were just by their footsteps alone.

 

There were no voices, no one spoke, and for the longest amount of time, nothing happened. Hongjoong held his breath, his heart hammering against his chest as he reached over to grab Seonghwa's wrist, ready to throw him in the safest direction dare someone come through the back door with hostility on their mind. He had half the mind to tell them all to hide, but truth be told he found himself unable to move his body when he heard the front door of the house open, followed by heavily creaking wood. 

 

Hongjoong could feel Seonghwa's pulse through his grip on his wrist. His heart was beating nearly as fast as Seonghwa's was, and it seemed Seonghwa was a few steps away from bolting or picking up one of the heavy rocks at their feet to throw it at the intruders. He in fact bent down to wrap his fingers around one of them, holding it in his hand as he stood back up and as soon as there was a noise, Seonghwa was winding his arm back to throw the rock as hard as he could.

 

But as soon as the shadowy figure stepped into the light, clearly just as scared and uneasy as the four of them were, the rock in Seonghwa's hand dropped with a heavy thud to the ground.

 

Hongjoong swore his eyes were playing tricks on him.

 

"Hyung?"

 

Hongjoong felt Seonghwa's body being to shake, his own grip falling limp as his eyes widened, the sound of a voice he had not heard in probably thirteen years rang through his head like a dream. 

 

"Jongho?" Came Seonghwa's voice next, his own words strained and shaking even more than his own body was.

 

It was not a trick, it was not a dream. Even though it was pitch black, the night had fully taken over the sky, it was as clear as day who was standing in the doorway with the fire creating a dancing shadow behind him. 

 

It became dead silent, even the fire seemed to know to not make a sound as they stared at Jongho who looked spooked and unbelieving. He didn't move, and Hongjoong feared the youngest of them all wasn't even breathing- but if he was being honest, Hongjoong wasn't even breathing himself. There was no way he could, not after a shock like this. He was getting too old to be putting his heart through such things, he knew one of these days it was bound to end badly for him if he kept shocking himself to the point of a heart attack.

 

"Hey, why'd you stop moving? I almost just hit my head on a beam because it's so dark, please keep moving before I knock myself out-."

 

Hongjoong saw another tall shadow figure behind Jongho come into the light. If it was possible, his pupils widened even more. 

 

"Yunho," came Wooyoung's voice, the smaller man took a brave step forward to where Jongho was still frozen in shock and where Yunho stood behind him with an equally surprised expression on his face.

 

"So that's why you stopped..." Yunho muttered, his face pale even though the light from the fire gave him a golden glow.

 

For a moment, Hongjoong allowed himself to look at them. He allowed his brain to freeze this moment in time and keep it forever as an important memory. While Yunho had seemed to come to his senses first and ran to nearly hop into Wooyoung's open arms, Jongho still seemed to be unable to move. 

 

Even after knowing him for so long, Jongho was impossible to read. No one could figure out what was going through his mind by just looking at him, well except Yeosang. And it was clear that even with added numbers to his age- that was still true. If anything he looked pained, like any second he would burst out into tears. He also looked angry, and then completely overjoyed at the same time. 

 

Hongjoong watched Seonghwa move forward, stepping over the log they were previously sitting on and walking slowly towards Jongho like he was scared himself. Jongho backed up one step, his lips parting as Seonghwa finally reached him and outstretched his arm to rest his palm against Jongho's cheek.  

 

At that, the younger man's chin began to wobble, and with the way his eye was sparkling, Hongjoong knew his eyes had filled with tears. Hongjoong couldn't blame him, Seonghwa's touch could do that to anyone.

 

"I thought I told you to be more careful sneaking up on me," Seonghwa started, his voice cracking at the end of his sentence. Without seeing his face, Hongjoong knew the older man was smiling. "I almost threw that rock at you."

 

Jongho seemed to struggle to reach forward, his fingers brushing over Seonghwa's cheek like he was checking to see if the taller was truly before him.

 

"Perhaps you should've," Jongho finally spoke before pressing his lips together tightly as the eye that wasn't covered overfilled and couldn't contain the tears any longer. "You should've thrown the rock so I could wake up from this dream."

 

Hongjoong could see Seonghwa shake his head, using his thumb to push away the tears that fell steadily out of Jongho's eye. 

 

"But then again," Jongho continued, finally pushing his hand against Seonghwa's cheek, allowing himself to truly feel him. "I don't think I want to wake up from this dream."

 

"This isn't a dream," Hongjoong heard Seonghwa whisper.

 

"I thought you died," Hongjoong had to read Jongho's lips because he couldn't hear him vocally say it. 

 

Seonghwa just shook his head, no doubt crying as well as he sniffled loudly. 

 

And just as Hongjoong could see Jongho push forward to wrap his arms around Seonghwa's body- another person stepped into view. It was like he was waiting there in the darkness, not sure if he was ready yet to be seen as he let the sight process with his brain. Hongjoong couldn't blame him- it was more than any of them could truly handle.

 

In the darkness of the night, once again a log shifted and sent an eruption of red and orange embers into the night sky, some of them blowing in the soft wind right in front of Hongjoong. He stood there unmoving, his arms dangling limply by his sides as he allowed his eyes to adjust to the darkness again.

 

Hongjoong looked at the man at the top of the steps, his hair long and sunglasses resting at the top of his head, most likely for style because the sun was gone now. He felt his chest become heavy, his own eyes burning and stinging as everyone else around them burst into movements and physical emotions. But the two of them remained still, even though smiles broke out between them.

 

Hongjoong found that in the other man's presence, he found a heavy sense of comfort just by looking at him. He didn't need to cry, he didn't need to scream or yell, he didn't even have to run up and embrace him. All he had to do was meet the taller man's gaze and feel the way his chest filled with a comforting feeling. 

 

Mingi. 

 

The taller man was the first to move, stepping down each step carefully like he knew the wood was nearly rotting and could snap under his weight. Hongjoong found himself standing before Mingi, the younger between them always towered over him, and now was no different. Before Hongjoong had always found Mingi's height annoying, like the taller man tried to prove his dominance over Hongjoong simply because he was so much taller. But that was clearly not the case, anyone could see that Mingi would never do something like that.

 

He was a lover, not a fighter.

 

Looking up at Mingi, Hongjoong couldn't help but let out a soft chuckle, his body feeling completely overjoyed.

 

"You're shorter than the last time I saw you," he joked, absolutely loving the way Mingi's eyes sparkled at the sound of Hongjoong's voice.

 

"That's what age does to you," Mingi answered back in a joking manner, his head tilting to the side and showing off a toothy grin. His deep voice felt like a blanket of comfort as it always did. "I wouldn't be surprised to find myself at your height in another three or five years."

 

It was a joke between them, but Hongjoong felt it was the right thing to say for old times' sake.

 

"Literally shut up."

 

Mingi laughed wholeheartedly at that, the deepness of it sending a shiver through Hongjoong's body as the taller man let his arms fall open. Hongjoong didn't need a second more to understand that Mingi was inviting him into a hug if he wanted. He also didn't wait for a second more before stepping forward to feel those warm arms wrap around him tightly.

 

"It's so good to see you again, Hyung," Mingi said, and for the first time, his voice sounded a little shaky. "Didn't think I'd get to live to see this day."

 

Hongjoong raised his arms up to pat Mingi on the back and give the taller man a few comforting rubs. "Why not?"

 

Rather reluctantly, Mingi pulled back and wiped at his nose with an awkward smile that Hongjoong loved. 

 

"When you stopped writing back and my letters were always returned, we thought that was because you and Seonghwa were no more," he answered, looking around them like he was trying to distract himself from the heavy wave of emotion that was finally beginning to overcome him. "There was no word or anything, we didn't know what had happened to the two of you. But we knew something bad had happened when we found out that San and Wooyoung had been transferred to the military bay where we were working and you two weren't there."

 

"Wait what?" Hongjoong turned his head to where Seonghwa had asked the question. He could see where Yunho was standing with both Wooyoung and Seonghwa attached to his side, looking the happiest Hongjoong had ever seen him before. With another glance to the side, Hongjoong saw where San was fussing over Jongho who couldn't seem to stop crying. It was so out of character for the youngest, he never cried or really showed any emotion at all, but that certainly didn't stop San from cooing at him and wiping away his tears with his thumbs.

 

"Oh yeah, that's right!" Wooyoung said, his cheek happily smushed into Yunho's shoulder. "They took us back to America after all. San and I were shocked to see that they had taken us to where Jongho, Mingi, and Yunho were working. That was probably the only good part of that whole experience."

 

"I didn't know you guys saw each other," Hongjoong said, feeling rather high on endorphins, a new wave of energy he hadn't experienced for such a long time hit his body full force. 

 

It was like they all were pulled back to the campfire, sitting down on the logs that were circled around it like it was second nature to them. Hongjoong felt Mingi sit next to him, a presence he was so familiar with, yet not at all. It was weird, and he wasn't sure how to describe it exactly- but he knew that he would have to take time to get to know each of them all over again. Time and stress had changed them, that much was evident. But they were still the same people he had taken in. They had changed, yet they hadn't.

 

They had new stories, now ones that Hongjoong didn't share with them. It was in that way that Hongjoong would have to relearn them and who they had grown up to be. Fifteen years post-apocalypse had presented them with so many new and horrifying experiences, and Hongjoong was determined to hear about every single one.

 

"It was a shock to everyone," Yunho spoke up, both of his arms wrapped around the two men at his sides. "It really was fate that I was able to spot Wooyoung and San being led off the plane. Usually, we never paid much attention to who was brought into the port, but for some reason, I just felt I had to know that day. When I saw them I had to do a double-take, I just couldn't believe it. Our paths were not meant to be crossed since I was still working and I know that anyone who comes into the port is forced to do mandatory quarantine for a few days before they're sent off somewhere else. But Jongho helped me sneak them into our living space- which could've gotten us into some really bad trouble- but we couldn't just let them go."

 

"It was horrifying," Wooyoung added. "While we couldn't believe that we got to see them again, we knew instantly that when they snuck us into the high-security building that it was probably not a good idea."

 

"But when have we ever listened to the rules?" Mingi asked, raising his eyebrows as he looked down to where Wooyoung was. 

 

"Like never, that's why I didn't feel too bad about it."

 

"So how long did you and San stay with them?" Seonghwa asked, his eyebrows furrowed a little. 

 

"I think we only made it to two weeks before they found us and kicked us out," San replied, his hand occasionally patting Jongho's back now that the younger seemed to get control over himself. "We were really lucky that they didn't kill us or anything. Mingi took the punishment for us, and whoever was the top dog of the facility let us go with a very stern warning. After that, Wooyoung and I traveled on foot to find a place to live."

 

"Which was the worst thing ever might I add," Wooyoung quickly added, increasing the volume and dramatics in his voice. "Yeah sure my ankle was better but it got to the point where walking became too hard. We ended up hitchhiking to the next city where we stayed for a long time really."

 

"I still can't believe you broke your ankle," Jongho muttered with a slight shake of his head.

 

"Hey- it was very traumatic."

 

"Yes, please let's not bring that up. I haven't recovered mentally from that," Seonghwa said quickly.

 

"I would think that incident hurt you more than it did me," Wooyoung looked over to the older man with a slight smirk on his face. 

 

"Because it did."

 

They all seemed to chuckle at that, light-hearted noises filled the air around them, as it truly settled in with them that this was happening. Hongjoong knew that his body was still in a state of shock that he was able to see them again- and in the morning when he woke up if they were still there- he would not be as calm as it was now. 

 

Before he and Seonghwa had made it to the mainland, he wondered how he'd react if he saw them again. He wondered if he'd cry, freak out, or lose his mind completely. He wondered if he would try and convince himself that they weren't real if they stood in front of him. He wondered if it would be awkward between all of them like they no longer knew each other after spending so much time apart. Would they have become completely different people? Hongjoong thought that perhaps the shock would be too much for him to bear, and so he imagined countless scenarios to mentally prepare himself in case they did show up, knowing that it was highly unlikely that they would.

 

But now that it had happened, Hongjoong found that none of what he imagined actually happened. It wasn't anything extravagant like he imagined it- nothing too dramatic either. They seemed to just fall together in a rhythm they hadn't forgotten after all this time. There was no hesitation- they fit together perfectly like puzzle pieces that were put together to finally make a beautiful picture after spending so much time separated in a dusty box.

 

As he looked around the burning hot campfire at the men he called his family, Hongjoong knew that no matter the time spent apart, they would always be able to come together like they hadn't spent an hour away from each other.

 

"We brought fun adult drinks," Yunho said, reaching behind him to bring to light a bag that looked quite heavy and set it on the floor in front of him. "That's why we're so late- Jongho couldn't decide between like four different brands of beer. It took him nearly thirty minutes and ended up choosing a soda instead."

 

"Oh fuck off, you know we were all stalling," Jongho knew a small pebble at the other tall man. "We didn't know if we were gonna be the only ones here or not, so we bought alcohol just in case we showed up and no one was here, we could drink our sadness away. Then in the rare occasion that you guys did show up... we'd have extras to share."

 

"It seems we all didn't expect anyone else to come," Seonghwa mumbled. "Did we really lose that much faith in each other?"

 

"No, we were just protecting our hearts. With no communication there was no telling what was up," Hongjoong told him, watching as Yunho passed out what looked like beer bottles to them. "But I really didn't expect the three of you to come. I thought you guys were still in America."

 

Mingi popped off the cap to the bottle he was given using a rock on the ground and then brought it up to his lips to take a heavy gulp. 

 

"Nah, shortly after San and Wooyoung were kicked out, they let us go. Apparently, they no longer needed us for repairs so we left and went further inland for maybe a year or so? After that, we tried to find where San and Wooyoung ventured off but we couldn't get into contact, so we then talked about where we wanted to go. It took us a while but we decided we wanted to come back here to Korea. We've been living up the coast in Ulsan ever since," Mingi clarified before taking another swig and smacked his lips. "Aye, this is some good stuff!"

 

"I know, I have good taste," Yunho said proudly.

 

The bottle Hongjoong held in his hands was cool to the touch. 

 

"Plus," Mingi then added, dropping the bottle from his mouth and then made sure to look at everyone intently. "I made a promise to be here fifteen years ago. I know we were all basically hammered when I made that toast but I've been counting down the days ever since we left this place. I just knew that when we stepped on that boat we were going to be faced with some of our hardest years yet- and the only thing that kept me going during those nights when my body ached so bad from all the work they put us through and I thought I couldn't go on anymore-  was looking forward to this very day when I could see all your faces again."

 

Hongjoong squeezed the bottle so hard in his hands he feared it would shatter.

 

He was then brought back to the very night when Mingi had proposed the toast, much like the very night they were all currently living. Hongjoong stared at the fire, the flames bouncing all around as the memories hit him full force like a slideshow in his mind. 

 

 

"Guys let's make a promise," Mingi spoke, one of the few that remained in a seated position.

 

"Sure."

 

"You guys have to be sitting up- this is serious," the tall man hissed at them, kicking Yunho's leg to get him to sit up as well.

 

They all sat up, but not without groaning deeply and protesting every second of the way up.

 

"In let's say... fifteen years or so," Mingi started, looking each of them in the eye. "Let's promise to come back to this exact place. No matter where we all end up, if we split ways in the future or go traveling to other places... fifteen years from this exact day, let's come back to this beach house."

 

"A reunion?" Hongjoong asked, the first thing he had said in a long time. 

 

"Yeah! Like a reunion. I just think it would be fun- to come back and see this place again. It'll always hold so many memories for us, it's like our special place," Mingi beamed, his face red and bright. "I don't know, I just like to reminisce."

 

 

"We all promised," Seonghwa's voice brought Hongjoong back from his memories. "I wouldn't miss it for the world."

 

At that, Seonghwa looked over at Hongjoong with a gentle look. The younger couldn't help but smile, utterly relieved to see his lover look so happy and carefree. 

 

"Well, perhaps since we're here to remember all the memories," Yunho leaned forward and reached into the bag again to pull out something Hongjoong thought he'd never see again. "Why don't we take another picture?"

 

Hongjoong's eyes widened as his eyes landed on the camera that Yunho held in his hands. He found that his heart leaped in his chest as he looked at the rundown camera, instantly feeling the ghost of a finger wrapping around his own- a precious memory he shared with Seonghwa.

 

"That thing still works?" San asked, his eyebrows raised high in surprise. 

 

"Probably not," Yunho answered. "But it doesn't hurt to try?"

 

"Tomorrow morning then when the sun is up. Same place and everything for dramatic effect," Jongho opened his own drink finally, clearly happy with his decision. After taking a sip he looked over at Seonghwa, his eyes darting all around the older man like he was looking for something. "Do you still have that crowbar of yours? I don't think the picture would be complete without it."

 

At the mention of Seonghwa's crowbar, Hongjoong immediately looked to the older man to find nothing but a gentle smile on his lips. He was relieved- he knew that was still a sore subject for Seonghwa- but by looking at him now, Hongjoong wondered if he perhaps had finally made peace with it.

 

Hongjoong already knew what had happened, he knew the tension and emotion that Seonghwa held behind his eyes with the object that had saved all of their lives countless times. 

 

Seonghwa looked almost bashful, shifting awkwardly where he sat next to Yunho. With his extended silence and lack of eye contact, it seemed everyone grew antsy as they could tell that something had happened with the crowbar that Seonghwa held dear to his heart and soul. It had been his symbol after all. 

 

"I'm sorry," he said, with a small shrug of his shoulders like the object no longer meant anything to him. "I'm afraid I lost it."

 

 

 

-~-

 

 

It took Hongjoong a total of three days to figure out what had happened with San and Wooyoung being taken away from him and Seonghwa. He had found out that the military personnel that had come to speak to Seonghwa had offered him a few different deals. Overall, they were requiring Seonghwa and Hongjoong to come back into the action for one final mission. It was a top-secret mission, and at the sound of that, it already made Hongjoong very nervous. 

 

Where Wooyoung and San came in to play- was just a bribe. A dirty, horrible bribe. It was like they knew Hongjoong and Seonghwa would refuse since they had already been discharged and wanted nothing to do with the military anyway, so they had to play dirty.

 

The option was that Seonghwa and Hongjoong could go willingly with them and in return, they would send Wooyoung and San back to a safe and familiar location in America, or, if they didn't go willingly, they would take Wooyoung and San and throw them separately back into the very few rescue groups that were still active.

 

With Wooyoung's ankle, there was no way Seonghwa or Hongjoong would allow something like that, and San had been recently struggling with intense phantom pains that nothing could help. The decision was already made for them already, Hongjoong hated being backed up into a nasty corner like that, but he wouldn't risk his friend's safety like that. He understood Seonghwa's original reaction and how angry he had been.

 

When Hongjoong found out the news, tables had literally been flipped and papers torn and thrown everywhere. Lots of yelling came from both of them- clearly upset about the same thing- but still, they yelled at each other because they couldn't believe what was happening. 

 

Hongjoong had plenty of experience dealing with dirty underground work. He knew how the chain of command worked, he knew roughly what went on behind closed doors. He had been in the business long enough to know when something wasn't quite as it seemed. Seonghwa was very sure that they were being called in to do a rescue mission where they had discovered something important, most likely a lead as to the start of the whole apocalypse, that the military and government didn't want the human population to know about yet. Seonghwa even went as far as to claim it was probably about those zombies they had last encountered where Wooyoung got his ankle broken.

 

Hongjoong had agreed with him at the time, not having the energy or mental stability to argue with the other anymore. But he wasn't convinced that was what it was.

 

That suspicion only grew the longer the actual target of the mission was kept from them. Hongjoong and Seonghwa had been taken to a secret and isolated area where they were grouped with ten other people who were all experienced fighters. Seonghwa claimed he recognized one of them.

 

Even up to their dispatch date, the overall mission wasn't all that clear to them. At that point, Hongjoong just knew they weren't there to exterminate zombies and rescue survivors. It wasn't until they were loaded onto a jet at night, all geared up in black to add to their stealth, that a rough mission run down and the overall target was given to them. The commanding general said that they would be dropped off just outside the gates of a nearby mansion, and it was their job to get inside the gate without being seen. From there were to head up to the fourth floor where they would find their targets, and they were commanded to exterminate on sight without hesitation. 

 

It seemed everyone else knew something that Hongjoong didn't. He looked around and saw a level of mutual understanding between all of them that he didn't understand. From his own experience, when there was a lack of information as to what was really happening, it wasn't because there was a lack of information overall, it was more than there was about to be a moral play and it was best that they had less time to think about it and just act.

 

It didn't sit well with Hongjoong's stomach.

 

Seonghwa had been sitting across from him, his crowbar in his lap as he stared at the floor with absolutely nothing in his eyes. He had refused a gun, choosing to only go out with his crowbar, which wasn't questioned too much by anyone. Hongjoong watched the instability of the jet bounce Seonghwa around every so often, and it was then that Hongjoong really remembered feeling like a puppet used to do the government's dirty work.

 

What they were actually there to do became known too quickly. Most of that night became a blur for Hongjoong- it was traumatic in its own ways and he would give everything he had to be able to forget about it. But unfortunately, he wasn't that lucky.

 

When they were able to get into the mansion without being seen or heard, they were all split into three groups, four people in each. Seonghwa and Hongjoong had been paired with an older man and then a significantly younger one. The younger one was probably in his mid-twenties if Hongjoong were to guess. On the fourth floor, the head person of the overall mission finally delivered the news Hongjoong was afraid he would hear. 

 

He was not surprised in the slightest. He could tell that what was going on was power-play. Politics, jealousy, and fear had all led to some person becoming too scared of another person and the power they were gaining and decided it was best to hire out special forces and get rid of him. Instead of handling the matter civilly, this person resorted to violence, which unfortunately wasn't all that uncommon.

 

They were there to take out a person who held a high position in power, and their family. 

 

It was as simple as that, is what Hongjoong and Seonghwa were told, but there frankly was nothing simple or moral about it. 

 

Hongjoong remembered not being able to tell how Seonghwa felt about it, the older man seemed indifferent about it when they broke off into their groups again. Doing something like this wasn't all that uncommon for Hongjoong, he hated to admit it, but he had done some very dirty work during his time in the gang he was a part of. But he wondered how Seonghwa was doing, knowing the older's history with all of this.

 

Hongjoong wondered if Seonghwa was actually going to go through with it because they had been promised they would be transported immediately to where San and Wooyoung had been taken if and only if they finished the mission. The look on his face was dark and rather scary- it was impossible for Hongjoong to understand what was going through his mind as they snuck through the halls to find the target their group of four was assigned to.

 

The son. A man at the age of twenty- three who was supposedly corrupt, was their target. 

 

Hongjoong remembered seeing Seonghwa stop in the middle of the hallway, right before the targeted bedroom, and refused to move. He stood still, his face pinched together in pain like he had driven a knife through himself. It was at that moment that Hongjoong knew something big and dangerous was about to happen. 

 

The other two men that were with them stopped too, clearly confused as to why both Seonghwa and Hongjoong refused to go any further.

 

Seonghwa had breathed in deeply, loud enough that the black fabric covering his nose and mouth could be heard by all four of them. Hongjoong remembered perfectly how Seonghwa looked down at his crowbar that he held with a death grip in his hand. He had stared long and hard at it, like it held some important message within it. Hongjoong remembered seeing the shift in Seonghwa's eyes, he saw the exact moment that he decided to throw everything away. 

 

"I will not do this," he said, his voice low and aggressive, giving a harsh glare to the two men in front of him. "I will not kill an alive person."

 

"If you don't, we have orders to kill you," the older man said, already sensing the hostility and raising his gun up to point at Seonghwa.

 

At that, Seonghwa only laughed. He raised his crowbar up, looking at it one last time, the look in his eyes reminded Hongjoong of a painful goodbye, before he let the metal slip out of his gloved fingers. It hit the tilted floor loudly, the sound echoing off the ways and down the hallway. Hongjoong remembered the cold shiver and spike of fear that rushed through his system at the sound- and the flash of white in the other two men's eyes was ghostly.

 

"Then kill me," Seonghwa said, pulling the covering off his face. The look on his face was both dull and beyond angry- something Hongjoong couldn't forget- even in his dreams. For so many nights, that scene always made an appearance in his dreams. 

 

In gang activity, bluffing was used quite often. It depended on the person for sure, but usually, there would be some bluffing when talking about the things they were currently talking about. But Hongjoong knew better, he knew the man pointing the gun at Seonghwa was not bluffing even a little bit. Hongjoong remembered feeling his heart spike when his eyes zeroed in on the micromovement of the man's finger that moved to pull the trigger, not even giving Seonghwa a running start.

 

He remembered that animalistic fear that hit him so hard. It was something he also couldn't forget, even though he prayed to. 

 

It happened in less than a second- Hongjoong dropped his gun to shove Seonghwa out of the way with both hands as soon as the man shot his rifle. Hongjoong half expected to find himself with a bullet in him, but he didn't have time to check to see if the lack of pain was because he hadn't been shot or if his adrenaline was working overtime because he was then moving to slide the knife he had strapped to his thigh into his palm before lunging forward to plunge it into the man's side. 

 

When the man dropped to the floor, Hongjoong kicked his gun away and stood over him. He wasn't sure if the wound he inflicted on the man was fatal or not, but as long as he was no longer a threat to them it didn't matter. With movement in his peripheral vision, Hongjoong was lunging again rather blindly to where the young man was. So far the man hadn't shown any hostility, but the situation had just become a matter of life or death so Hongjoong wasn't willing to take any chances. 

 

But he stopped short when the man's back hit the wall and he slid down it, putting his hands up to try and submit himself. 

 

Hongjoong had always found it hard to reign himself in during circumstances like these. There had been times in the past where he hadn't- and had gone too far. But he physically stopped himself, the bleeding knife he held in his hand fell to the floor, and he grabbed onto the straps the man wore over his black clothing and pulled him to his feet, pushing him up against the wall. 

 

"Run," he said, the voice that came out of his mouth sounded nothing like himself. Judging from the look on the younger man's face, Hongjoong probably looked like an angry psycho, and as soon as Hongjoong released his death grip on the man- he was speeding down the hallway for his life.

 

There was no doubt that with the amount of noise they had just made that the whole mansion was most likely aware of what was happening. Back up was probably being called from both sides, and as Hongjoong rushed over to where Seonghwa was sitting up against the far side wall with his hand pressed to his cheek, blood spilling from between his fingers, Hongjoong knew that if he had waited a split second longer, the bullet would've hit him right in the middle of his face.

 

Seonghwa seemed to come back to his senses when Hongjoong crouched down in front of him, and he didn't allow Hongjoong to try and see how bad the bullet has grazed him. He grabbed Hongjoong's wrist and pulled them both up, a little dizzy on his feet for the first few steps he took before they ran off.

 

When they had somehow made it outside the mansion without being shot dead, Seonghwa made sure to trip the alarm system that somehow hadn't been set off yet. Instantly there were blinding lights everywhere and the alarm that blasted into the night sounded far too familiar for their liking. 

 

Once they were through the gates and running off into the night, tearing off their trackers and crushing them with a rock, they ran into the thick trees that lay beyond the mansion and disappeared for good.

 

To the world who knew them, they became history.

 

They hide themselves out in the wilderness for a long time, doing what they could to survive. Hongjoong did everything he could to make sure the wound on Seonghwa's face wouldn't get infected. He knew it would scar the first time Seonghwa allowed him to see it, there would always be a physical reminder of what had happened. Hongjoong knew that as soon as Seonghwa refused to complete the mission and he had most likely fatally wounded a member of the military that they would probably have a bounty on their heads.

 

It wouldn't be safe for them to show their faces publically, at least not any time soon. Hongjoong wasn't sure how long it would take for something like that to pass over, but he wasn't willing to risk it. So instead they moved throughout the wilderness, finding their way to the ocean as best as they could.

 

"You left your crowbar," Hongjoong said one night after many months of traveling by foot to find a port by the ocean. They had just paid someone to take them anonymously across the ocean and drop them off along the Eastern coastline of America, and it was then that Hongjoong found himself oddly remembering that one little detail. "I don't know why it's suddenly coming to mind- but I'm sorry I didn't think to grab it for you. I know how much it meant to you."

 

Seonghwa had just looked at him, a bandage attached to his cheek and a hooded cloak over his face that they had stolen from a nearby store. They were standing just below a dock, ready to board a very sketchy boat that promised to deliver them a safe passage, and Hongjoong found himself feeling oddly lifted.

 

"Don't be," Seonghwa had told him, moving to bring down the hood of Hongjoong's cloak to better cover his face. "I left it on purpose."

 

"You did?" Hongjoong asked, watching Seonghwa turn to look out over the calm ocean and the way the moon made it sparkle. They only traveled at night and dusk, trying to remain as hidden as possible in fear of being found and killed. 

 

"Yeah, I did," the older said softly. "I chose that moment to let it all go. I knew there was a good chance I was about to be shot dead at that moment, so I just let everything go. That crowbar has been my symbol for so long, that is true, but lately, I've been wondering what it truly symbolizes. I always thought it was a symbol of leadership, heroism, bravery, or anything like that... but lately, I've been reminiscing on everything that's happened, and I've started to wonder if it actually symbolizes bloodshed, murder, and fear."

 

Hongjoong remembered how his lips parted at that.

 

"I had previously thought I had been able to let go of all that weight I was carrying around, I thought that I had finally let my old self go and embraced the man I had become. But it's clear to me now that those feelings had only been short-lived. It became clear to me that the crowbar was not a symbol I stood for, and it did not allow me to let go," Seonghwa continued on, shifting from one foot to the other. "I even knew that the chances of us being able to meet up with Wooyoung and San like they promised us was slim to none. If you think about it, even if we completed that mission, why would they let us go? We know information that would be detrimental if it became public, they simply wouldn't risk it, they wouldn't let us go. I figured they would've blamed the deaths on a zombie... even though zombies are basically completely gone now. People still would've believed it."

 

Hongjoong remembered reaching forward to lock his hand with Seonghwa's, both delighted and surprised to find the older did not pull his hand away. Instead, he received an appreciative squeeze.

 

"So I let it go, crowbar and all," Seonghwa let out with a sigh, finally turning his head to meet Hongjoong's gaze. "I am so done with this constant pain, the constant nightmares, the moral obligations, the violence, and the killing. I am done being used as a puppet, I am done waiting for things to turn out how I want them to. I am done waiting for life to work itself out. I am so fucking done losing everyone I love."

 

Hongjoong couldn't agree more. He was done too.

 

"God, I am so done," Seonghwa repeated once more, a little more breathless this time, and he had allowed Hongjoong to pull him in to press his palms to the older's cheeks and pull his head down so Hongjoong could press a soft kiss to Seonghwa's forehead.

 

"No more," he whispered against Seonghwa's skin as they stood under the large dock, the ocean water nearly pooling at their feet while they waited for their new beginning to start. Like this, the moonlight cascaded through the holes in the wood, creating beautiful patterns on the sand and on their bodies. Seonghwa continued to let Hongjoong hold him, something that never happened often, but something Hongjoong cherished in his heart. "No more, we're done. It's over."

 

He could feel Seonghwa's body sag against him, a certain amount of weight finally being lifted from his shoulders. Hongjoong swore he felt relief too as he spoke those words.

 

When they could see an incoming boat, Seonghwa pulled his body off of Hongjoong's and straightened out both of their cloaks to make sure the majority of their identity remained a mystery.

 

"Where will we go?" Hongjoong found himself asking the older man when the water rushed up over their boots.

 

"Inland," Seonghwa answered, giving Hongjoong's hand another squeeze. "We'll steal a car as soon as we get into a port, drive to the plains and find an abandoned cottage or farm and live there. We will become no one, just mere ghosts that once used to have a name and a story. We'll live out the rest of our days there, I heard from a few people that it's quite nice there. We'll be safe, we won't have to worry about anything. We'll make it our own."

 

Hongjoong couldn't help but nod, a gentle smile taking over his lips as they found themselves boarding a boat once again. With Seonghwa's words at the back of his mind, Hongjoong found that he couldn't think of anything else he'd rather do.

 

And so, as the boat pulled away and the distance between them and the land grew by each second, Hongjoong thought that perhaps this time, they would finally get this new beginning right.

 

He never looked back.

 

 

-~-

 

 

 

The night went on like Hongjoong once dreamed it would.

 

He sat back and was able to listen to his friends around him share the stories and the grand adventures they had been on over the years. He was able to listen to Mingi and Yunho go back and forth about how they learned to do ship repairs and work on the big tanks they saw in movies as kids. They talked about all the silly moments, like when Jongho was first trying to learn how to work all of the power tools and would get frustrated easily when he couldn't quite get it. Jongho hadn't found it so funny and claimed that when Mingi got stuck in the tank was actually funny. Yunho had agreed that both were funny, and then shared their normal routines, how they would work from dawn to dusk and be completely covered in oil and dirt by the time they hit the showers at the end of the night.

 

Jongho did say that they hadn't seen a single zombie the entire time they had been there. He said that it was like the world had finally moved on from the apocalypse and simply forgot about it. The only reminder of it was the amount of ammunition they had and all the military tools they had to keep fixing up. That's when Mingi spoke up, after three bottles of beer, and said that the mass production of bombs was insane and that he was worried about the global toxicity it would cause.

 

Truthfully, Hongjoong hadn't even thought of that.

 

But the subject was brushed under the rug when Wooyoung decided it was his time to share his whole life's story. Thankfully Hongjoong had been there for most of what Wooyoung was talking about, and as the younger man was doing his best to describe their rescue missions, Hongjoong found himself zoning out just a little. He simply watched everyone around him react. Their words were muffled, not much meaning in his ears, but he watched the way their faces would light up as they smiled or laughed.

 

Wooyoung had always been animated and dramatic with the stories he told, and tonight was no different. He told them all about the cities they went to, and how they blew them up with explosives or set them on fire after retrieving all the people from the buildings if there were any. He talked about their close calls, the ones where some of them had found themselves looking death right in the face; whether it was with a zombie or an explosion gone wrong.

 

It could have been the alcohol that make them glow, but Hongjoong knew that they hadn't really drank that much. They didn't need to, they were getting older and Hongjoong found that with age his desire to consume the burning liquid was not as prevalent as it had been in his younger years. These days, he preferred the coffee Seonghwa made him.

 

Wooyoung and San would switch off telling the stories, occasionally looking to Seonghwa to clarify some details when they couldn't remember. Or sometimes Seonghwa would correct them because the story got to be too dramatic and the actual facts became too astray. 

 

Seonghwa for the most part also just listened, his eyes glistened with adoration as he watched them all burst into laughter and make jokes at each other. 

 

When Wooyoung began to talk about his and San's journey after they were brought back to America, that's when Hongjoong really tuned back in. He found out that they had stayed in the States even after the trio had left, traveling up and down the coast and even having some fun inland. San said as Wooyoung's ankle got better and better they did more sightseeing and traveling, trying to have a good time during the bad circumstances. Then Wooyoung said that they had made the decision to move back to Korea after that because he wanted to see where San basically grew up, and then claimed after that, they wound up here.

 

Hongjoong felt his chest warm happily, their loud noises that no longer needed to be concealed for their own protection rang throughout the night without holding back. Hearing Wooyoung's laugh that was too contagious for his own good was a certain kind of medicine that Hongjoong needed all along. 

 

"Well just so you all know, and I'm looking at Hongjoong and Seonghwa specifically," Wooyoung announced, and with how rosy his cheeks were and the mischievous look on his face, Hongjoong knew he was up to no good. "San and I have been through the house thoroughly and happened to notice that a certain bedroom has been destroyed."

 

"Where are you going with this..." Seonghea pried, his senses clearly starting to tingle because he got that look on his face.

 

Hongjoong had a good idea about where Wooyoung was going with that without needing to see the absolutely delighted look Wooyoung flashed at Seonghwa.

 

"I regret to inform you that if you two came back here to relive some, well, how do I say this? Sweet memories... I doubt you'll find it all that enjoyable with the bed all torn up."

 

"Jung Wooyoung!"

 

"What- don't tell me the idea wasn't on your mind! Do you know how long I've waited to tease you properly? We were so busy getting ready to leave because apparently, Hongjoong's killing machine changed your mind that I didn't even get to do it properly!"

 

"Tease me-? Why on earth-!"

 

"Hyung, it took you," Wooyoung stood up and started counting on his fingers for dramatic effect. "Like eleven years to get your shit together. But like forget about those years that you didn't even know Hongjoong, I just don't want to do the math. I had to watch you two dance around each other for eleven years too long- do you know how god damn torturous that was? I swear to god I was going to lose my fucking mind when you two started sleeping in the same bed and nothing happened!"

 

Hongjoong laughed when he saw Seonghwa's pale face and wide eyes. 

 

"It was like watching a horrible slow burn movie," Mingi piped in. "I was truly beginning to lose hope for you."

 

"I nearly cried!" Wooyoung threw his hands up in the air, wiping at his dry eyes. "Oh but when it did finally happen, I wasn't ready for it! I thought I would be- but no, nothing ever in this world could've prepared me for that universal moment in history. Like, I thought I was dreaming when I heard you guys- that's how shocked I was!"

 

Hongjoong had to suppress another laugh as he could physically see the gears turning in Seonghwa's head right before a light seemed to click on in his mind.

 

"You heard us?" He asked quietly, his jaw dropping open in a scandalized way. The blush on his face was bright, there was no way he could hide it no matter how dar he tried to lean away from the fire.

 

"Take a look at the size of the house and how thin the walls are," Jongho told him, his arms crossed over his chest as he proudly showed his gummy smile. "Not only did you have those factors going against you, but no offense Hyung, you're really loud."

 

"What-!"

 

"Hey, hey," San cut Seonghwa's mid-sentence freak out off, waving his hands around lightly with a gentle smile on his face. Hongjoong wondered if perhaps the younger man felt bad for teasing Seonghwa about it and wanted to put a stop to the clear torture that was taking place. "Be nice to him, it was his first time after all."

 

That thought flew out of Hongjoong's mind as fast as it had appeared. 

 

Seonghwa sat there stunned, a beautiful blush sitting high on his cheeks as he seemed frozen with his eyes wide in mortification. But despite his behavior, Hongjoong could tell it was all fun and games to everyone, even Seonghwa. If it wasn't, Seonghwa had no problem at all shutting down a conversation he didn't want to hear. So it was clear to him that Seonghwa, in an odd way, was enjoying the teasing.

 

"I suppose it doesn't matter anyway," Jongho added, finishing the rest of his soda with a heavy gulp. "They're too old to be fucking anymore. Surely their sex drive has died out by now."

 

Yunho made a noise at that, and suddenly Hongjoong felt rather attacked for the first time in this conversation. 

 

"I didn't even think of that," Wooyoung gasped, moving his hand to cover his mouth as he turned to regard Seonghwa, whose mouth had only dropped open more, with a sad expression. "You're like fifty, aren't you? Damn, what's it like being half a century old?"

 

"I'm not half a century old, I've still got another year," Seonghwa hissed at him, reaching to find an empty beer can and crushed it between his hands before throwing it at Wooyoung. "And our sex life is thriving, mind your own business you turd."

 

At that, Wooyoung ignored the beer can that hit him square in the chest and turned to Hongjoong. "Is it?"

 

In order to not cause the universe further destruction, Hongjoong decided to offer an answer that could satisfy both sides or leave them guessing, and just shrugged his shoulders with a suggestive look on his face. 

 

A menace to society he was. 

 

It seemed the conversation died after that, Wooyoung sat back down after everyone calmed down. It seemed that the adrenaline had finally worn off and they all sat there feeling a happy and content haze take over their bodies. Hongjoong often mistook this feeling as being tired, but he had found out as he grew up it was common to feel that way when you're around someone or people you feel comfortable with and trust. 

 

The silence enveloped them lovingly, creating a certain fuzzy feeling as they watched the logs burn and occasional embers fly into the sky. It was soothing, and when the intrusive thoughts of this all being a dream came again, Hongjoong pushed them down as he looked around him and committed the scene to memory.

 

"I wish Yeosang was here," he heard Mingi say next to him. The man was now sitting on the ground, leaning his back against the log. It seemed he had spoken the one thing they were all thinking at that moment. "He would've really enjoyed this, I know it. He always enjoyed the jokes and the teasing- though he was really the one to dish it out most of the time and leave us to suffer."

 

"Yeah," Hongjoong found himself saying. 

 

There was silence again, though this time it was more tense.

 

"Has anyone heard from him? Like at all?" Wooyoung was the one to ask, almost sitting on the ground even though Seonghwa told him not to because he was too close to the fire. 

 

Hongjoong found his eyes glancing over at Jongho cautiously, knowing that if any of them would have had contact with Yeosang, it would've been him. But the longer he looked and the longer the silence followed, Hongjoong knew that not even Jongho had heard anything from his own lover all this time.

 

"No..." he said softly, turning his head down to the ground, kicking the wooden sticks. "I haven't heard anything from him, like at all. No letters, no calls, no form of communication... at least we were able to get into contact with the rest of you for awhile, but with Yeosang there was nothing after he left."

 

"Nothing at all?"

 

"Nothing."

 

"Oh..."

 

Hongjoong wasn't surprised if he was being honest. After trying to find where Yeosang had been shipped to and what he was doing, and not being able to get any of that information, Hongjoong had a feeling that they wouldn't hear from Yeosang in a long time. But it had been too long. Not knowing where or how Yeosang was doing was torture- Hongjoong could only imagine how Jongho felt about it.

 

He tried to imagine being away from Seonghwa for that many years, but he decided to not imagine it because it gave him horrible shivers and caused his heart to sink. 

 

Hongjoong looked up at the sky, tilting his chin up to see the stars above him.

 

"Where do you think he is?" Yunho asked softly, his own face turned up to the sky.

 

There was silence for awhile before someone else spoke up, the sound of another beer can being crushed.

 

"Somewhere off saving the world- not that he hasn't done that already. I have no doubt they sent him where all that cure stuff was happening, he's probably out making sure the world returns back to normal," Mingi answered.

 

"Hongjoong-hyung did tell him to save the world after all, you know Yeosang takes his jobs very seriously," Jongho claimed, doing his best to offer a small smile.

 

"It's time he comes home, mass production of the cure ended years ago," Seonghwa sighed, and even though Hongjoong wasn't looking at him, the younger could still tell that Seonghwa was looking at him.

 

"You think he's still alive?"

 

"San-!"

 

"Well, it's a valid question!" San protested. "I've decided that I don't want to live in the dark anymore. I'm tired of constantly wondering whether someone is alive or not, do you know how draining that is?"

 

Yes. They all did. Hongjoong understood perfectly. 

 

A large puff of smoke came from the fire at that so Hongjoong carefully placed another log on top of the fire to make sure it didn't burn out before they were ready.

 

"Well," he started, sitting back on the log and folded his hands together on his lap. "I've known Yeosang for way too long. I know what he is capable of- I have no doubt that he made it out alive as the rest of us did."

 

Hongjoong could feel everyone's eyes on him as he spoke, he could feel the weight of their gazes waiting for him to try and calm their unsteady hearts with the emotional hole that Yeosang's absence on a night like this left.

 

"If he could be here, he would," Hongjoong said simply, pressing his lips together tightly. "He wouldn't forget, you know how loyal he is. If he's not here then I am sure the world has just called him elsewhere. I can't imagine him being the first to go out of all of us."

 

"I miss him," Jongho immediately said. "I try not to talk about him or think about him- but it's just so hard. I haven't seen him in so long, thirteen years isn't quite long enough to forget someone's touch, but I fear that I am losing that memory of him."

 

"I miss him too," Wooyoung said softly, his eyes turned down to the ground as he blinked quickly. 

 

"We all do," Seonghwa echoed him. "But just like Hongjoong said, Yeosang is okay. He's just meant to be somewhere else right now."

 

Hongjoong could tell that Seonghwa was more upset than he let on. Yeosang and Seonghwa always had a special connection, much different than the one the older shared with Wooyoung, but still just as special. Yeosang was the first one Seonghwa trusted when he first came to the base, Hongjoong wasn't quite sure what it was about the blonde man, but Yeosang always had a way with words and seemed to have a healing touch. He really was a doctor by nature and spirit, Yeosang could calm down the most rabid of beasts if he really tried to.

 

Somehow Yeosang had spoken to Seonghwa's aching spirit all those years back. That bond that was formed that day became indestructible, but Hongjoong knew that the bond had become stressed over the years that they had been apart.

 

"Well," Hongjoong found himself saying, once again tipping his head up to look at the dark abyss over him. "The stars are bright today. I used to do this a lot when I felt alone in the world and needed some sort of guidance- just look at the stars."

 

Hongjoong heard everyone tilt their heads up to the sparkling jewels above them.

 

"Right now, I imagine that Yeosang is looking at the same sky that we are. He's seeing the same stars and the same constellations," Hongjoong said softly, gripping onto the slack of his pants. "I know he can't be here with us physically, but at least we are connected through the stars. I know it's not ideal, but there will come a time that we are all connected through the stars, and I think that is a beautiful thing."

 

"The stars are twinkling at me," Mingi said, looking up at the sky with a wide smile on his face. "Who knew Yeosang could communicate through the stars?"

 

Hongjoong found himself smiling at that, briefly looking over at Mingi before looking back up at the sky too. The stars were definitely twinkling, and even though Hongjoong knew he would never come to peace with not seeing his beloved friend again, he couldn't deny that the stars allowed him to feel some comfort that night. It seemed the others felt the same way too.

 

Just when the comfortable silence was starting to kick back in with them, there was a loud noise that made them all jump. It sounded like glass breaking, perhaps some kind of bottle hitting the hard ground that caused it to shatter all over the place. The sound was so out of the ordinary that it sent Hongjoong's mind whirling like the world around him as he spun around onto his feet.

 

Hongjoong wished he could say that time stopped, but that simply wasn't the case. In the midst of the darkness, there seemed to be light. Hongjoong had heard many stories of monsters that lurked in the night that only sought out innocent souls to prey upon. Hongjoong was no innocent soul, so he never feared such mythical creatures, but at that moment, when the world couldn't stop spinning, it seemed everything that had been claimed as impossible, became possible.

 

The darkness made it hard to see for sure, but the colors he saw before his eyes were unmistakable. Long blonde hair followed by a bright red jacket of some sort was highlighted by the fire that seemed to grow tenfold. The heat was burning Hongjoong's back as he stared in front of him, the world so quiet that the crickets around them created a loud chorus.

 

"No, absolutely not," came the humanoid creature's deep voice. 

 

It was a voice Hongjoong thought he'd never hear again.

 

"This is a sick fucking joke," they sounded both annoyed and distraught, much like Hongjoong was feeling, though way more distraught than annoyed. "Have I really lost my mind this much?"

 

Hongjoong was not the person to move first. He simply couldn't. It was like his body possessed no muscles to allow him to move forward or backward even if he wanted to. 

 

Not surprising to anyone, it was Jongho who braved those first few steps forward. It was probably best that he was the one to do it, for it was their long-lost friend who had been birthed from the shadows, bringing no warning or anything before he made his grand appearance. For in the darkest part of the night, it seemed Yeosang had been summoned to them after they had all accepted that he would not be able to join them.

 

Hongjoong almost wanted to laugh. How dare he give up hope so fast?

 

"It's not a joke," Jongho said, though his voice was shaking like he couldn't believe his eyes. No one blame him though, especially since Yeosang, who stood at the beach house's side with a broken glass bottle at his feet, looked like he was seeing ghosts for the first time. Jongho approached the blonde carefully like one would a wounded and very spooked animal.

 

At the sound of Jongho's voice, Yeosang only shook his head and took a step back. 

 

"And know they're talking to me, that's just great! I really have lost my mind. That's what a few months of isolation does to you- I've now imagined my long-lost friends who are now speaking to me, good god!" Yeosang nearly laughed, kicking at the glass near his feet.

 

Hongjoong knew at that moment that Yeosang clearly didn't think they were actually there. It seemed his mind had forced him to think that the rest of them were ghosts in front of him.

 

"Yeosang- calm down! It's us, we're really here. You aren't imagining this, I promise, you haven't gone insane," Jongho tried again, his hands up in front of his body as he approached Yeosang.

 

Hongjoong wasn't sure how the rest of it was about to go down, but he knew he was ready to take off running if Yeosang spooked and tried to run away. He had let Yeosang go two times already, now that he had been called back to them, Hongjoong wasn't about to let that happen again. He'd rather die first before Yeosang was taken from him again.

 

When Jongho was finally standing in front of Yeosang, his shadow covering the blonde man completely, that's when Hongjoong noticed Yeosang started to break a little. 

 

"This is cruel, so terribly fucking cruel!" Hongjoong could see the way Yeosang's body shook, his mouth opened like he couldn't believe what was in front of him.

 

"It's me," Jongho whispered, his voice so soft like he was afraid Yeosang had forgotten him, "It's Jongho- you remember right? It's really us, this isn't a dream."

 

Hongjoong couldn't see Jongho's face because his back was turned but he could see Yeosang's face. The older man looked close to crying, his nose scrunched up, a heavy frown on his face like he was doing everything in his power to keep from bursting into tears.

 

"I waited," Yeosang muttered, his eyes turning bright red and beginning to sparkle with tears in the light. "I come here every single day for the past four months. Every day without fail I have hiked up this hill just to see if maybe, just maybe, you all would show up. I hoped and prayed every night that tomorrow would be different- that I wouldn't come up here to find this house empty and rusted each time. But no, for four months I met the same old, dark, forgotten house!"

 

Jongho said nothing, and it was when Yeosang jabbed his pointer finger into the younger's chest that he finally seemed to break down. The tears spilled down his cheeks when Yeosang realized that his finger met Jongho's firm chest instead of passing through the younger man's body like he thought it would. Hongjoong wondered if that was when Yeosang finally realized perhaps they weren't ghosts at all.

 

"I wasn't even going to come tonight," Yeosang cried, squeezing his eyes together and bending at his knees. "I wasn't even going to come because I couldn't stand to see it empty any longer! But I don't know- I just- I just felt I had to come and I felt so damn stupid about it because I knew you weren't going to be here. But low and behold I come up here and see a fire... a god damn fire in the middle of the night! You know what I told myself?"

 

Yeosang didn't wait for a reply. "I thought it was fireflies. There have been so many lately- I just thought that maybe they all came together to play some horrible trick on me. But then I hear voices, ones that I remembered so vividly- so of course, I came closer. But I just wasn't prepared for any of this! Four months... I thought you all would never come, I thought you all had left me all by myself!"

 

Jongho stood quiet, his fingers twitching with the desire to pull the blonde man into his brace, but not sure if he was allowed to. His hesitance was painful to watch, but Hongjoong understood that internal struggle.

 

Though Yeosang was Yeosang, and when he wanted something, he always got it.

 

The blonde man wiped at his eyes only to have more constant tears run down his reddened cheeks before he sniffled and nearly glared at Jongho. "Well, what are you waiting for? Hug me already, goddamnit."

 

Hongjoong felt relief wash through him when he saw Jongho's body physically engulf Yeosang's smaller one. He could tell the embrace was rather bone-crushing, Yeosang had his face buried in Jongho's neck as he continued to cry at the warm touch Hongjoong knew both of them had been craving for. He also could tell that the type of crying that was taking over Yeosang's body was one that hurt horribly, it wasn't the hard sobbing that burned all energy, but it was the kind where the body could no longer handle the stress that the tears would spill out and the heart would crack. It left the throat raw, head burning and pounding even though the cries that followed were nothing more than a few whimpers- Hongjoong had been subject to that once in his life and he knew just how bad it hurt.

 

They all waited for Yeosang to become ready to move, Jongho had no problem staying still with his strong arms wrapped around the blonde man comfortingly as Yeosang was gripping the back of Jongho's jacket with a grip so hard Hongjoong was worried the fabric would tear. But the time did come, the world seemed to fall back on its axis when Jongho carefully led Yeosang to the campfire and helped him sit down because even though Yeosang had come to accept that they were really real in front of him, he was still shaky.

 

Hongjoong couldn't blame him, he had been sitting and drinking with all of them around the fire for hours now and he could still hardly believe it. On top of that, Yeosang had been coming every day for four months- that was something Hongjoong struggled to wrap his head around. It pained him to look at Yeosang, so beautiful and so elegant, and know that he had been here the longest, just waiting for them to come, slowly losing hope that they would. 

 

Loyal Yeosang. He had been coming for roughly one hundred and twenty-one days without fail, hoping and praying to find his long-lost friends after being separated.

 

"Well," Wooyoung spoke up first, gathering everyone's attention. "I can't say I'm surprised that out of all of us, Yeosang was the one to forget which day we'd meet."

 

Yeosang's mouth dropped a little, his eyes swollen and red as he regarded Wooyoung with a surprised expression. "Well excuse me, you must forget that I'm not perfect, I make mistakes too."

 

There was no tension between them, anyone at the campfire could see that, Yeosang and Wooyoung always bickered but in a friendly way. This was no different, and it was clear that despite his comeback, Yeosang was overjoyed to be able to hear Wooyoung's teasing again.

 

"In his defense," Jongho piped in, rubbing his hand up and down Yeosang's back. "Getting the day right was really a gamble. I think the biggest miracle at this point was us all coming here today. We never knew exactly which day we left, so you know."

 

"Well, what is the date today? I already forgot," Wooyoung asked, moving over to pass a beer can to Yeosang.

 

"It's April 7th," Mingi said, looking down at his watch to confirm his estimate. "Yep, it's the 7th."

 

"It's been exactly fifteen years to the day," Hongjoong spoke softly. "I've counted each and every day just to make sure I wouldn't miss this opportunity. Five thousand, four hundred and seventy-eight days I have counted to make sure that it's been exactly fifteen years to the day. So it seems the day we all sat here around this fire and made a promise that no matter where life brought us we would come back, was April 7th."

 

Hongjoong felt Seonghwa's eyes on him, both warm and sincere as he opened his mouth to speak. "Dedicated."

 

Seonghwa then turned back to Yeosang, his eyes twinkling as beautifully as the stars above him. "We are so glad you're here. It's never complete without you. Each of us makes up our team yes? The circle is broken if one is missing."

 

There came nods from everyone in all directions. There was no need for a verbal answer, the message was well received with open arms and souls. They all understood what Seonghwa was talking about and they all agreed. It was all or nothing for them, and truthfully Hongjoong wouldn't have it any other way.

 

He sat back comfortably as he watched millions of questions being thrown at Yeosang, the blonde man trying to scramble to answer them all as best as he could. Hongjoong was indeed curious, so he did his best to pay attention to the words the younger man spoke instead of zoning out and just watching his lips move as he spoke. Seonghwa had asked him where he had been all this time and why none of them could get into contact with him for years, and to that Yeoasng had just chugged the rest of the beer in his can before saying that he technically couldn't explain what he was doing because it was top secret. Though he did say, to everyone's amazement and shock, that he had been stationed in Greenland and was only released ten months ago.

 

Hongjoong found that incredibly surprising, Greenland was one of the last places he would've ever guessed. Yeosang said it was cold up there and he was always grumpy because of it, and it was hard getting used to it because of the language barrier but he said that the change of atmosphere was nice. 

 

He also said being by himself in an unknown place like that had been very hard on him, Yeosang claimed that even though the people he worked with were fairly nice and helped him feel more welcomed, it just wasn't the same. Nothing could ever come close to the support they had formed with each other, and Yeosang said that had been both a blessing and a curse. Once again, Hongjoong understood completely.

 

Wooyoung had asked Yeosang if the world had anything to worry about, and the older man just shook his head and said everything was going to be just fine. They all knew Yeosang had been dragged away for medical research most likely, and if there was something to worry about with the world, Yeosang would know about it.

 

"No, I mean it, it's really weird to think about it, but for the first time in ages life is looking up," Yeosang told them when they didn't seem to believe him that everything was alright. "I know that is kind of hard to believe because of how we thought we were going to be living happily once we left this place because the apocalypse was declared over ... and well, clearly that didn't happen. But from what I've seen, the studies and the research, I can proudly say that the worst is all behind us. I know we still don't have a full explanation for this scientific phenomenon, but realistically I don't expect it to be figured out until a hundred years pass. We'll all be dead before we get the explanation we deserve."

 

"That sucks," San muttered, his bottom lip jutting out just a tad. 

 

"It does, but maybe it's a blessing in disguise?" Yeosang turned to look at him. "If I've learned anything in these past years it's to enjoy the little things. You really don't know how good you've got it until it's gone. And now that the world is rebuilding and each day we are getting closer and closer to where we used to be, I think it's important to understand that more than ever. Give it another twenty or so years and I'm sure it'll be like none of this ever happened."

 

"And to think we were supposed to have flying cars by this point," Yunho joked, bringing everyone around him to laugh and shake their head at the concept. 

 

They went back to asking Yeosang questions about different things, though he still held firm to his top-secret agenda. The conversation started to go more back and forth, and soon Hongjoong could see Yeosang start to come out of his shell more. His smile came out, and so did those bashful eyes that lit up when Yeosang was having fun. Hongjoong was a little worried that they weren't going to see that tonight, but it was clear that with Wooyoung's jokes and all the others' support, Yeosang fit right back into the loop of things without any trouble.

 

That once again confirmed Hongjoong's theory that no matter how long they spent apart, they would always come together like they hadn't left for a second. And as he watched the seven men around him bark out laughs at stories, experiences, emotions, or anything- Hongjoong felt like they really hadn't spent any time apart. He felt like they had spent the whole day together, had woken up and eaten breakfast that Wooyoung cooked, and then went fishing. Hongjoong felt they had sat gone into town the day before to buy some supplies now that the town seemed to be populated again.

 

It was a wonderful feeling.

 

"Orange hair?" The question came from Yeosang and Hongjoong knew it was directed at him. "Orange or is it red?"

 

"It used to be red, but the color has faded some, so now it's this weird orangy-red," Hongjoong reached up and pushed his hair back, knowing that Yeosang really was the only one who colored his hair religiously, so him seeing another one of them with n unnatural color probably came off as a nice surprise. "Seonghwa got us into trouble with the military and so we changed- well I changed my appearance some so it wouldn't be as easy to find us. Seonghwa decided to risk it all and just wear hoods whenever we went out, but ever since we found a little cottage on a farm in the Mid West, we didn't need to disguise."

 

"I'm sorry, what-?"

 

"Hongjoong always leaves out the important details in the story," Seonghwa hissed, shooting a glare over his shoulder where Hongjoong sat too proud of himself. "Yeosang isn't the only one here who was a part of a top-secret mission. Preferably I would like to forget about that year in my life completely, so you all will forever be in the dark about that one. But yes, Hongjoong and I are technically enemies of the government in Europe. We didn't know if they would follow us back to America or not so we made sure to lay low and start a new life in the middle of nowhere. That's why we cut contact for those few years, we didn't know if they would track the rest of you down and harm you. Whether or not that is still an issue for us now, I don't know, but I don't wish to find out."

 

"Badass," Wooyoung snorted. 

 

That was the end of that conversation, but it made Hongjoong think back to the little place he and Seonghwa had snatched up overseas before they came back to Korea for this very important day. It had been abandoned, as most places had, but it was beyond beautiful in Hongjoong's opinion. If Seonghwa could ever be depicted by nature, Hongjoong would choose the little cottage that lay in the middle of flowering fields that hadn't been sown with crops in years, with a beautiful pond surrounded by cottonwood trees. There were long vines that dangled down from the trees and then hundreds of flowers by the pond, it truly was a sight to take away one's breath. 

 

The first thing they had even done when they came across the pond and the cottage was wade into the water until it came up to their waists and hold each other in the moonlight.

 

As the night progressed on, the topics tended to get a little deeper than Hongjoong had planned, but it was healing in a way to hear that everyone had been struggling. Mingi had admitted that he turned to alcohol a few years into his job at the port, sometimes going into work drunk which was both a hazard for him and everyone around him. He said he tried to stay away from drugs as much as he could, but it seemed everyone around him was smoking and he couldn't help but fall into the temptation. He had quit smoking a few years back, knowing that it was horrible for his body and that he was only doing it to try and fill a void. Mingi knew that the years of trauma were really starting to catch up to him, and that only made it harder to stay away from the temptations that only brought temporary relief. 

 

That's when San stepped in and said that he nearly started abusing pain medication because the phantom pains were really digging into his mental stability. He would take so many to try and force the pain away but it never did, and no matter how tight Wooyoung would hold him, it seemed he would just grow angrier and angrier. There was a time that he tried to destroy the prosthesis given to him, the sight of it had made him so angry that he couldn't stand it. It was unfair, San had said that he had gone through months and months of depressed episodes and even to this day he still struggled with what had happened and what he was left with now.

 

Jongho said that he had never really had nightmares before, like the strong horrific nightmares that Wooyoung would constantly fall subject to. But it wasn't until recently that it seemed to become a problem for him. Jongho said that he hated how it was never a problem during the apocalypse or even five years after it ended, but it did become a problem once everything was really starting to return to normal. He said he was never one to let things like that get to him or scare him- but it was now more than ever that he woke up screaming with his shirt soaked through with sweat.

 

It was hard to listen to, Hongjoong didn't like hearing or seeing any of them suffer, but he knew that the trauma of what they had all gone through was really starting to show its color in their older years. They all had it, and even though some of them didn't vocally share their experiences with it, Hongjoong knew they were all struggling in different ways. There was comfort in that, knowing they were all broken but could be broken together. They shared a lot of the same experiences, and that already helped significantly.

 

And just like the conversation turned dark and melancholy, the fruits of what had happened being brought into the light- the conversation changed to cheery without a second thought. Wooyoung had moved from his spot on the ground to still sit on the ground but resting his head on Yeosang's lap. The older ran his fingers through Wooyoung's hair calmly, occasionally twisting some strands around his fingers and then braiding what he could before smoothing it out. 

 

Hongjoong sat there wondering just how long it had been, how long the dark sky would stay over them, or when the morning dawn would fill the sky with its beautiful colors. His eyes drifted over his companions now that the fire was slowly starting to burn out because they had already burned all the wood he and San had gotten earlier and they all were too lazy to get up and grab more. Hongjoong personally blamed it on his old knees. Even in the soft glow, they all looked beautiful. Truthfully age had not touched them much, mentally it sure had, but not physically. 

 

"Guys," Mingi coughed, shaking them from their restful state where none of them had said anything for a while and were just enjoying the pure comfort of the night. "Would it be cliche if I made us all promise something?"

 

"Yes."

 

"Indeed."

 

"You know it would."

 

"King of cliches."

 

"Glad that was unanimous," Mingi muttered, but continued on anyway. "Well it's not a promise, I've decided against it. Consider it an idea, I think we should be thinking of our next journey, our "so what happens now?" sort of thing."

 

Hongjoong tilted his head to look at Mingi with his eyebrows raised. He knew whenever Mingi had an idea, either it was too crazy or just enough crazy, there was no in between.

 

The look from Hongjoong seemed to spur Mingi on, giving the taller man a sort of green light to unleash his ideas.

 

"I know we kind of talked about it just a little last time we were here, but why don't we take our journey again?" He offered, causing Wooyoung's head to shoot up from Yeosang's lap. "You know, like retracing our steps? I don't know why but it's always been at the back of my mind, I just wonder what it would be like to sort of re-live it without the dangers of zombies."

 

Hongjoong wasn't entirely sure what to think of the idea.

 

"Yeah sure, why not?" Wooyoung answered immediately, not even skipping a heartbeat. "Just like the good old times yeah? We've got cars and everything that we didn't have back in those days so I don't see why not. We can see how everything's changed or hasn't changed, and then we can yell and argue with each other about what is the right way to go."

 

"Just like old times?" San echoed with a slight chuckle.

 

"Exactly," Wooyoung looked up at him and returned the smile. "It could be our last hurrah, our last big journey before we really put it all behind us. I think it would be a perfect reminder of what we did and what we accomplished- I know I don't say this enough, but we were really epic."

 

"But-," Seonghwa started, clearly a little hesitant about the whole idea. "We all came from different places, like wouldn't that be a little difficult to follow?"

 

"Yeah, but we could all just travel to each of our starting locations to see where it all began for each one of us," Yunho said, nudging his elbow into Seonghwa's side. "Plus the only ones who started alone were Mingi, Jongho, and Yeosang I believe, so it makes it easy."

 

"True! We all are getting old to the point where things like this won't be as easy or possible the longer we wait-."

 

"Mingi, stop talking like we're eighty."

 

"Well, I don't know about the rest of you but I have a bad back and I'm not getting any younger," Mingi snapped lovingly back at Jongho. "Let's seize the opportunity, we were never ones to really wait around. Let's enjoy yourselves and our last days of youth!"

 

Hongjoong couldn't help by smile softly at Mingi's enthusiasm, seeing the way the tall man tried his best to rally them all up to join him on their last adventure. He looked over at Seonghwa who still looked rather hesitant, but there were a few tell-tale signs that his mind was quickly being made up about it.

 

"Well, where would we start then?" He asked slowly. 

 

"Let's start where you're from, Hyung," Jongho said, giving Seonghwa a nod of his head. "I've always wondered about it ever since you told us your story that night in the barn. Plus Yunho and Wooyoung are from there are well, knock out three in one trip."

 

"I think that's a good idea," Hongjoong added, his gaze meeting Seonghwa's. He wasn't sure what it was specifically, but there was something about the way Seonghwa was looking at him that made him feel like fireworks were bursting all around him. The heat was powerful, but the emotion held behind Seonghwa's perfect eyes was on a completely different level.

 

Seonghwa was silent for a few seconds as he thought about it, but Hongjoong could see that the oldest had already made his mind up. 

 

"Why not?" He said quietly, turning his gaze down to the red embers in the burnt out fire and smiling softly. "Our last adventure."

 

"Great! We'll leave tomorrow morning," Mingi hopped up from the log and pointed in the direction of the town that had a few lights on in the distance. "Bright and early, we shall begin our grand final journey together!"

 

Hongjoong wasn't so sure about that 'bright and early' bit, he knew they'd all probably end up sleeping until the mid-afternoon at this rate, but he wasn't going to rain on Mingi's parade. 

 

The taller man then turned back to look down at where Seonghwa sat rather elegantly on the log. 

 

"Where to?" He asked, a bright and happy smile on his face.

 

With a quick look at both Yunho and Wooyoung who were already looking at him, Seonghwa inhaled deeply and let the most genuine smile take over his face as he replied. 

 

"Goyang."

 

 

-~-

 

 

Hongjoong was not surprised that the rest of the night dimmed from that point on. Wooyoung was nearly asleep in Yeosang's lap and San wasn't that far from it either. If Hongjoong was being honest, he didn't really feel all that tired, too used to staying up all night because he had developed severe insomnia that never went away. 

 

The last full conversation they had that night was discussing all the different languages they had learned and how fluent they had become in them. The main one had been English, they all had come to know it and speak it quite fluently, especially Mingi, Yunho, and Jongho who had lived in America for the majority of the past fifteen years. Though, those of them who had the honor of traveling across the sea and doing a lot of rescue work in Europe were able to learn French and German. Seonghwa and Hongjoong were especially good at understanding French and spoke it quite well when they needed to, but nothing compared to San and Wooyoung who actually socialized during their stay in France.

 

Yeosang said that he was able to pick up the basics of Greenlandic, though during his stay they mainly spoke English to each other since that had been the common language between all the scientists, doctors, and researchers. He claimed that he wanted to continue to learn as many languages as he could, finding that learning a new language came easy to him, unlike Yunho who said that attempting to learn English was hard enough. 

 

Seonghwa told Yeosang that he would teach the blonde some Spanish since the oldest knew Yeosang had fallen in love with the language when he first heard it on their very early missions in South America.

 

But after that, it was clear they were all getting tired and Hongjoong knew for a fact the sun would be rising in the next hour or so, so he wasn't surprised to see Wooyoung passed out and San making his way to dreamland very quickly. The fire had stopped smoking awhile ago, the coals seemed to slowly be cooling and turning to white instead of the bright orange and red color they were earlier.

 

Hongjoong still hadn't finished the original beer that Yunho had given him, the bottle was only half empty in his hands as he slowly watched his friends around him yawn and find a spot on the ground to sleep.

 

Yunho had gone over to join the little pile Yeosang, Wooyoung, San, and Jongho had sort of created together. It reminded Hongjoong of a dogpile, all huddled together to keep warm despite the humidity and warmth of the night. That left Hongjoong and Mingi still sitting somewhat together with Seonghwa by himself. The older had been looking off in the distance for awhile now, there seemed to be something plaguing his mind that had not yet allowed him to fully relax and enjoy what the night had gifted them all. 

 

"Yeosang," he called out, the blonde man immediately turning his head over at Seonghwa's call. 

 

"Hm?"

 

"Can I speak to you for a little bit?"

 

Ah, Hongjoong had a feeling that what had been ailing Seonghwa's mind had to do with Yeosang, and it seemed he was right. 

 

Yeosang only nodded his head and did his best to maneuver Wooyoung's head carefully off of his lap and help the younger man find San's arms. Wooyoung seemed to have some sort of sensor in his body for San because the second they got close to each other, Wooyoung was clinging onto the older man even though he was more asleep than not. Hongjoong chuckled softly with a small shake of his head before he watched Yeosang stand and follow after Seonghwa who led them away from the campfire.

 

They didn't go far, but still far enough that Hongjoong couldn't hear what was being said. It was a private thing between the two of them, and Hongjoong would respect that, even though he couldn't deny the urge to hear all things.

 

The sky had been brightening just a tad along the horizon, a softer blue color touching the dark sky that told them the day would be upon them soon. Hongjoong could see Seonghwa standing next to Yeosang, a slight breeze hitting their bodies that blew their hair around gently, they looked like a painting to Hongjoong.

 

"So what goes on between you and Seonghwa?"

 

Hongjoong turned to look at Mingi beside him, the taller man was also looking at the pair in the near distance as he had asked that question.

 

"What do you mean?"

 

"Did you guys ever really sort yourselves out? Put a label on it? I sort of figured the two of you are on good terms if you've been living together all this time," Mingi said softly, the question very genuine. "I wanted to ask you about it. I don't know why but for some reason I always thought if you two got together then our journey really would be complete. Like, Yunho and I decided to put a label on it after a few years, not that putting a label on things makes the relationship more or less valid, I was just curious."

 

Hongjoong felt his chest warm just a little as he too followed Mingi's gaze and let his eyes look over his lover as he talked to Yeosang.

 

"We never put a label on it," Hongjoong clarified softly, stretching his arms over his head. "That's not really how Seonghwa rolls. Things like that scare him, he said he feels that it puts him in a box and he feels trapped. We still fight, big ones that get scary for both of us at times. I don't think that part will ever go away. It's messy and sometimes I feel more lost than I have ever felt, sometimes I look at Seonghwa and can't understand a single thing that goes through his mind."

 

"Oh..."

 

"But," Hongjoong kept going, glancing to his side to see the rather saddened expression on Mingi's face. "Seonghwa is mine and I am his. I call him my lover and he calls me the same. We say 'I love you' and truly mean it each and every single time. I have no fear in my heart that Seonghwa will run off with some other man or woman, I know that his heart belongs to me, even without a label looming over our heads. I think anyone who meets us understands that we are each other's, we've been told there is this sort of invisible string that connects us to each other."

 

Mingi turned to look at Hongjoong, his lips parting just a little at the older man's words.

 

"Sure we have terrible fights, but we know that we won't wake up alone in the morning. Fighting can be vulnerable and horrifying, but I know that Seonghwa will still be by my side after the storm passes and he knows I will be there too. Yeah sure sometimes one of us has to leave the vicinity for a little while, but we always come back. In my heart, I've made a promise to be loyal to him, no one else knows me the way Seonghwa does. If I'm honest, words can't describe what we have, but all I know is that each morning I get to wake up to see his face next to mine and feel his warmth no matter the occasion," Hongjoong said softly, watching the way Yeosang's hand went up to touch Seonghwa's shoulder after the older seemed to say something rather upsetting. 

 

"He is yours and you are his," Mingi echoed, a bright expression taking over his face. "I think that is the best possible outcome of the story you two created."

 

"I agree," Hongjoong nodded his head and leaned back on his palms, breathing in the fresh morning air. "I just know, that at the end of all things, Seonghwa will still be by my side. I know some people need the label, and that's okay. But with us, I have come to learn that by handing over my heart on an open platter and giving it to him, he has taken care of it like it was his own heart. You could say we swapped hearts, it feels like his is beating in my chest. We have a special connection, Mingi, and I know that it was never easy and it still isn't, but I think that's what love is."

 

Mingi grew silent, and it was then that Hongjoong was able to hear the very faint howl of the wind that the house's foundation protected them from. The older turned to look at Mingi, wondering why he wasn't saying anything, but when his eyes ran over Mingi's face, Hongjoong felt his heart lurch up into his throat.

 

"Wait, are you crying?"

 

Mingi shook his head, bringing his hands up to wipe at his eyes, but it seemed that the tears spilling from them had other ideas. 

 

"Mingi- why are you crying?" Hongjoong leaned closer to him, his hands raised in front of his body awkwardly because he didn't know what to do with them.

 

"Happy tears, Hyung," Mingi forced out, a smile on his face so big Hongjoong could see his teeth as the taller continued to wipe at his wet eyes until the tears stopped falling. "These are happy tears. I just never thought I'd ever get to see the two of you so happy like this- like we all had hoped that after we left this place that things would be different, but then we were split up and our lives became hell again. I was so scared that you two would fall away from each other again."

 

Hongjoong felt his heart leap again, but this time he couldn't help but coo at the taller man. Before Hongjoong could speak again, Mingi beat him to it.

 

"You've changed," he said, his smile so wide that it made Hongjoong's eyes widen. "And I mean that in the best of ways. You've changed so much Hongjoong, from the angry and scared man at the base to the wonderful leader you are today- like I'm just so happy."

 

Hongjoong felt the words on his tongue fall away, his heart beating against his chest proudly as he dropped his hands and looked over to where Seonghwa had just pulled Yeosang into a tight hug.

 

"It's because of him," he answered with a smile on his lips. "Seonghwa, in his own ways, has taught me how to become the man I was always supposed to be. Without even trying he had managed to fill my scars and break down my walls. But not only that, but it's because of all of you too. There was a time in my life that I thought it was better to have never loved than to love and have lost. But sitting here and seeing all of your faces again and hearing the way you laugh, I would never in my life wish to have never experienced this."

 

Hongjoong turned back to look at Mingi, feeling his own eyes burn just a little.

 

"Even when our time comes to finally leave this world, which will be inevitable, I will never find myself thinking that it was better to have never loved you," Hongjoong felt his throat tighten rather painfully. "I owe each and every one of you my life, and I swear to protect you all to the end of our days."

 

"That's what family does, huh," Mingi told him, no longer bothering to brush away the tears that fell down his cheeks. "We protect each other until we meet again where ever death takes us because not even death will be strong enough to keep up apart."

 

Hongjoong could only agree with a nod of his head.

 

Together the two of them watched the sky continue to brighten, the smallest hints of orange peeking above the horizon. At some point, Mingi went over to join the dogpile claiming he needed his rest before they began their final adventure together. Hongjoong let him go, choosing to stand up and go sit over on the back steps of the beach house so he could lay back against them. It wasn't the most comfortable thing in the world, but Hongjoong was used to sleeping on the ground in many different locations so it didn't bother him too much.

 

Yeosang and Seonghwa were still talking by the time the sky was painted. Hongjoong figured Seonghwa was apologizing to Yeosang for letting him go- he knew the oldest never forgave himself for what had happened a few years back. He knew Yeosang didn't see it that way, but he at least was listening to Seonghwa speak and apologize, occasionally bringing the older in to hug him when Seonghwa needed it.

 

When the sky was as red as the jacket Yeosang had over his white shirt, was when they came back. Yeosang went over to the others and Hongjoong could hear the crunching of the ground getting closer and closer to him meaning that Seonghwa had come to join him on the back steps. Sure enough, Seonghwa's black hair and face came into view as he sat next to Hongjoong and laid his body next to him, resting his head on Hongjoong's chest and breathing in deeply.

 

He was silent for a few moments, every now and then tapping his fingers against Hongjoong's skin and scooting closer so their bodies were flush together. Like this, Hongjoong could feel his warmth and the older's heartbeat as he was nearly laying on top of him. He brought his hand up and brushed his fingers through Seonghwa's hair, pushing it back behind his ear and letting his fingertips glide over his golden skin. 

 

He thought Seonghwa had fallen asleep just like that, but then Seonghwa was sitting up just a little, enough that his head was right over Hongjoong's face. They looked at each other, gazes connected in a deep way as the morning doves began to coo around them. 

 

"We did it," Seonghwa whispered, a relieved smile making its way to his lips as he pressed his palm to Hongjoong's chest. "I didn't see it playing out this way, I think we've been blessed."

 

Hongjoong hooked his arm around Seonghwa's waist and pulled him even closer, utterly enjoying that the older seemed to be in a touchy mood this morning.

 

"Our babies are home," he joked, watching the way Seonghwa's eyes crinkled at the small inside joke they had going on between them. "Each and every one of them."

 

"I would hold them all day long if I could," Seonghwa said, and Hongjoong knew the older wasn't exactly joking about that.

 

"I'm sure they'd let you if you asked enough times," Hongjoong reached up and brushed some more of Seonghwa's hair that had fallen out of the hair tie back behind his ear. "But Mingi already has our trip planned out so you might have to wait."

 

Seonghwa laid his head back down on Hongjoong's chest and nearly nuzzled into him. The younger man looked up at the sky and felt his body melt into complete happiness.

 

"Indeed he has, truthfully I never saw myself going back to that city where it all started for me, but I'm at a place now where I know it wouldn't break me to see it. I am curious about it as well, and to see where everyone else started from," Seonghwa sighed out as Hongjoong ran his hand up and down his back. "I think it will be inspiring for us. We will see how strong we've become and how much we've had to endure. Sure it will bring up old memories that I never wanted to remember, but I think that could be a good thing."

 

"Why's that?"

 

"Because it will only remind me of my reputation," Seonghwa answered, his finger drawing little patterns in Hongjoong's clothing. "I have come to understand that reputation is what other people think of you. I had always leaned on my reputation and thought that was who I truly was. If I go back now with all of you and trace the steps of our origin, I believe I will come to find that the person I knew as myself was only my reputation."

 

At that, Hongjoong brought his head up from the step as Seonghwa leaned up as well, their noses nearly touching.

 

"Reputation is what people think of you. Character is who you are," were the next words that came from his mouth, his words spoken slow and steady just like they settled in Hongjoong's stomach. "And I have finally, after all these long and painful years, come to find out who I really am."

 

Hongjoong felt the sweet tension between them, his heart pounding as he looked into Seonghwa's fierce and beautiful eyes. 

 

"And who is that?" He asked, reaching his hand up to press his palm against Seonghwa's cheek and rub his thumb over the older's soft skin as he leaned into the touch. "Who are you really?"

 

Seonghwa didn't answer for a while, but when he did, Hongjoong couldn't have been more proud. 

 

"I am Seonghwa. That is all. No labels, no nothing, just me."

 

Hongjoong couldn't help but smile, leaning his head back down to the wooden step as he pulled Seonghwa with him.  He felt their chests press together, their heartbeats becoming one as the sky above them burned passionate colors. 

 

"My heart burns for you," Hongjoong whispered, feeling Seonghwa's breath on his lips. They were nearly touching, and as Hongjoong closed his eyes he could vaguely feel Seonghwa smile above him. 

 

"They say love burns you," the older whispered, letting his hand press against Hongjoong's neck and tilting his head upwards just a little. "Love is hot and passionate, but it is also angry and violent, it makes us do things we wouldn't normally do."

 

Hongjoong opened his eyes a little to see the way Seonghwa was looking at his lips, desire clearly in his gaze.

 

"When we are all together, I feel that heat," he said, his lips just grazing Hongjoong's like he was trying to tease him. "But when I am with you, I feel that love becomes as pure as the idea of love is supposed to be."

 

Hongjoong sucked in a deep breath and he placed his hand at the base of Seonghwa's head and pulled him down, finally pressing their lips together as a gust of wind swept by them.

 

Even to this day, kissing Seonghwa felt the same way it did when their lips first touched. The passion and the vulnerability were still there, they still gave over their hearts each time they brought their lips together. It was warm and sweet, Hongjoong held Seonghwa in his arms as he kissed him slowly and steadily. Kissing Seonghwa would forever be his favorite thing to do, his lips were always soft and thoughtful, and he always made sure to kiss every inch of Hongjoong's lips, leaving nothing unloved.

 

Hongjoong tilted his head so he could fit their lips and bodies together easier, feeling the way Seonghwa held onto him tightly to profess his own love for the younger man without words. With a kiss to his bottom lip and then to his top, Hongjoong knew that at that moment, Seonghwa was feeling everything he was. Their kisses stayed sweet and pure, symbolizing the shared love and happiness that the night had brought them.

 

What they feared had not come true. Somehow the universe had brought them all together again, just like Hongjoong had prayed for each night before they found themselves setting foot on this land again. He knew the chances of that happening were basically zero, but that hadn't stopped him from hoping that one day he would be able to see them all again.

 

And here they were, all together and planning yet another adventure for the sake of memories. Hongjoong couldn't wait to start it, he couldn't wait to see how far he had come. He knew it would bring them pain, but it would also show them strength. The apocalypse that brought them together was over, the zombies were gone and the world was rebuilding. Some part in Hongjoong couldn't accept that it was over, but he knew deep down it was. They had already gotten the explosive ending they craved for. They were finally done, for real this time.

 

The world had been burnt down and reborn again, they were all rising up from the metaphorical ash. Their rebirth had finally been finished, and now it was their turn to go out and claim the world or settle down and live their lives in peaceful bliss in a meadow with butterflies and flowers.

 

As Hongjoong continued to kiss his lover who lay in his arms as the morning doves sang a choir all around them, Hongjoong could only think of one thing other than how perfect Seonghwa's lips felt on his.

 

Home. 

 

He remembered something his mother had told him when he was young. It was at that moment that Hongjoong could vividly hear her voice as she told him something that he could never forget.

 

Life takes you to unexpected places, but love brings you home.

 

Life had brought them to every corner of the world, split them apart, and broke them down until they had nothing left. And it was through love and a promise that led them all back to this one place where they could begin their new future together this time.

 

So as Seonghwa pulled away slowly, his lips swollen and his cheeks pink, Hongjoong couldn't help but feel his heart burn with even more love. His eyes began to water, and he didn't see any use in trying to hide it from Seonghwa because the man above him was no better.

 

If it was love that had brought them home, then it was all of them together that held that title, for it was love that brought them here. 

 

For so long Hongjoong had never had a place to call home. And for so long Seonghwa thought that home was a physical place. But it was clear to them, that their home, had always been right there, waiting for them with open arms. 

 

Hongjoong sat up some more and let Seonghwa rest his head on his shoulder as they looked over their friends who were sleeping peacefully and bunched up together. They watched the ocean in front of them, watched the waves come in and how the seagulls flew all around them. They watched the grass sway all over the place and how some birds and squirrels played around in the trees.

 

"You know what my favorite thing to do with you is?" Seonghwa asked quietly. 

 

"Hm?"

 

Hongjoong watched as the older man pointed up to the sky.

 

"Watch the sunrise each morning," he whispered softly before dropping his arm. "We haven't done it in a long time, I missed it so much."

 

"It's beautiful isn't it?" Hongjoong answered, looking up at the colors above them. "It's a reminder that the world is good after all."

 

"It's absolutely breathtaking."

 

Hongjoong turned his head to press a gentle kiss on Seonghwa's forehead before turning back to look at his friends curled around each other on the ground. Hongjoong knew they would all be aching horribly when they woke up due to their older age, but he also knew none of them would really mind.

 

It was a reunion they all needed. A reunion each thought they would spend alone, but one that ended up being the best thing that had ever happened to them.

 

Fifteen years later, at the age of forty-nine, Hongjoong was proud to say that they had done it. They had won at life and they had found a place they could call home.

 

"I feel like I should say something for old time's sake," Seonghwa said, sitting up completely. "It fits the situation too."

 

"What's that?" Hongjoong asked, turning to look at the older who was smiling at him.

 

Seonghwa leaned forward and rested his palm against Hongjoong's cheek again, the warmth exploding between the two of them as the sun warmed their skin, casting a steady glow over everything. There was a glint of something playful in his eyes and it only made the younger man more curious as he played along with an equally playful expression on his face.

 

"I think it's about time for our next adventure."

 

At the mention of those words, Hongjoong couldn't help but laugh from deep down in his chest and bring their foreheads together, smiling like they were thirty-something all over again. Those words brought tears to his eyes, the image and memory of Seonghwa hovering over him with the weight of the world off his back that one fateful morning, hit him hard as he could feel Seonghwa laugh with him, holding onto Hongjoong's wrists.

 

"You mean our last adventure?"

 

Seonghwa laughed again, and they both pulled away to once again look at their friends who were snoring peacefully. Gentle smiles took over their faces as Hongjoong reached down and intertwined his fingers with Seonghwa's, giving his hand a tight squeeze. 

 

When Seonghwa looked at Hongjoong again, the playful look was still there.  He brought their tied hands up and pressed a soft kiss to the back of Hongjoong's hand and then brought them down to rest in his lap. 

 

It was then that Seonghwa once more leaned his head on Hongjoong's shoulder, inhaling a deep breath of fresh morning air as he took one last look over the beautiful scenery in front of him before closing his eyes with a deep yawn.

 

"Oh, you never know."

 

 

Notes:

SIGHS- alright so let me explain a few things. I had originally started this story with the intent of setting it up like Dawn (A New Sunrise) which is the short version of Rebirth. I did not plan for this to be nearly 50k... I was shooting for 20k max and well that didn't happen. I didn't go into heavy detail with this one like Rebirth was, it really gave me a different vibe and I think that was why I was so nervous to post it. There are a lot of things like the language barrier, political blah blah, etc. that I didn't get into or explain- so I hope that's not too much of a probleM.

I also didn't realize that I COULD'VE written this in a long story format like Rebirth was- and ngl I am kicking myself for that bUT OH WELL. I think this works just fine and gives us a really good idea of what happened to our eight beloved boys!

Y'all should let me know what you thought of hearing things from Hongjoong's POV. I know a lot of people wanted something from this universe in his POV. He still is a mysterious character to me, and I'm not entirely sure I understand him, but that's okay! We can also see that things are so much different in his eyes compared to Seonghwa's. Especially with his ideas of love and relationships- so it's definitely really interesting. We do see him now as he's 'changed' and not as he was before which could be a bit of a shock,

Like I've said before, the idea of writing an epilogue was just not going to happen for me. But I'm also not surprised that it did happen. I haven't been able to let this story go because I love it so much and UGH- saying goodbye is hard. DID I LEAVE IT WITH ANOTHER OPEN ENDING? YES, I DID. But I do mean it this time that their journey will end here (at least what we see yk). I think this really is the FINAL addition to the 'OMG Zombies?' series.

Though it has been brought to my attention that a lot of y'all want Yeosang and Jongho's story of when they left? Y'all keep putting these ideas into my bRAIN AND IT'S NOT GOOD FOR MY HEALTH LMAO!!

This story was definitely a lot- and I'm sure none of us were expecting it to go this way. So please let me know your honest thoughts! I love to hear anything and everything so don't be shy! I had so so so much fun writing these characters again, they really do have a special place in my heart.

 

BUT YES COME YELL AT ME IN THE COMMENTS AND SAY HI, I MISSED Y'ALL A LOT AND HOPED THIS HIT THE RIGHT SPOT! <33

 

 

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Series this work belongs to:

• Part 3 of OMG zombies?