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“Do you know Tao Xu?” Otis slid in next to Nick on the picnic table, a bit removed from the rest of their group, all excited to be reunited after half-term. Even though Nick had spent most of half-term only hanging out with Charlie, he found he hadn’t really missed his school friends at all.
“Um, yeah, sort of. He’s friends with Charlie. Really tall.” Tao was prickly, or so the limited interactions Nick had had with him seemed to suggest. Charlie insisted that was only his exterior, and he was just fiercely loyal.
“He messaged me over half-term. Said he had a friend who might be into you.” Otis waggled his eyebrows.
“Oh?” Nick tried to pretend the hope blossoming in his chest was for some unknown reason, the possibility of someone random liking him. But it was becoming clearer and clearer by the day what that hope meant and why it bloomed at the mention of a friend of Tao Xu.
“I don’t know that he knows many girls, but I can ask for more details if you want.” Otis elbowed him in the ribs.
Laughing it off, Nick shrugged. “I don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable. Tao probably won’t want to expose his friend’s secret.”
“Okay. I told him you were into someone anyway.”
Nick’s heart pounded as he tried to think back to all the interactions he’d had with Charlie in front of Otis. Had he been so obvious that Otis had picked up on whatever feelings he definitely had for Charlie? Had Otis told Tao about it?
Flushed, Nick croaked out, “Oh. Um, what?”
“Tara Jones, mate! Aren’t you still, like, super into her?”
Nick flashed back to Year 8, almost a foot shorter, rising up on his toes to place a close-mouthed kiss on the lips of a pretty girl. He’d been hung up on Tara for a while after that, the thrill of a first kiss making him blow their relationship out of proportion. He hadn’t spoken to her in years and hadn’t mentioned her to his mates for almost as long. But since she was the last girl he had talked to them about, she had evidently been elevated to the love of his life.
“Tara? I haven’t really seen her in years.”
“Childhood sweethearts, mate! So romantic.”
Nick sighed. “And you told Tao I was into her?”
Otis shrugged. “I figured you’d want his friend to know about the competition. You act too cool for it all, but you’re a secret ladies’ man.”
At that, Otis rejoined the main throng of rugby boys, leaving Nick to digest what had just happened.
Did he seem “too cool” for crushes and dating? That certainly wasn’t his intention; it wasn’t that he was too cool, he simply hadn’t had a real crush since Tara. Well, until now.
Tao had a friend interested in him. As far as Nick knew, through observation and Charlie, Tao had three friends: Charlie, Isaac, and Elle.
Elle was the only girl, so maybe it was easiest to assume she was the one interested. Except Nick had no idea what Isaac’s preferences were, so couldn’t rule him out. And… he knew Charlie’s preferences. Charlie liked boys, and maybe it was wishful thinking overriding logic, but Nick decided he couldn’t rule out Charlie either.
Something warm erupted in Nick’s chest, fluttering and pulsing as it traveled down his limbs, igniting him with what felt like hope.
🍂
“So it’s just the four of you, right? You, Tao, Isaac, and Elle?” Nick devised his plan on the walk to form, deciding to investigate the rest of Charlie’s friend group to help narrow the field.
“Oh! Yeah, just us four. I know that’s kind of lame, to only have three friends.” Charlie scrunched his nose, and Nick resisted the urge to smile wide at the sight.
“You have four friends.”
“What?”
“Tao, Isaac, Elle,… and me. Four friends.” Charlie blushed at that, diverting his eyes down to his notebook. “Also, that’s not lame at all. They probably know you super well and care about you a lot. My friends don’t seem to know me at all. Well, except for you.”
“I know you?” It was joking, a small smirk on Charlie’s face.
“Better than almost anyone, I’d say.” Nick found it easy to be so honest with Charlie, a level of vulnerability he’d previously suppressed.
Charlie looked at him again, eyes a bright stormy grey. “You’re nice to know.”
Nick’s heart pounded. They looked at each other for a moment, Nick so sure Charlie could figure out his every feeling just from his face.
Charlie giggled and looked down again, breaking whatever bubble they’d created. “Why are you asking?”
“Hm?” Nick thought he could count each curl on Charlie’s head if he only had the time. An arduous task for sure, but someone had to spend hours staring at Charlie Spring. Might as well be him.
“Why are you asking about my friends?”
“Oh!” His count stalled at thirteen. “I’m just curious, I guess. You know most of my friends from rugby, it seems only fair I get to know about yours.”
“Can’t argue with that logic.” Nick breathed out a laugh as Charlie launched into a description of his friends. It was clear how much he loved them, his face alight with glee as he spoke.
“Isaac is quiet, he reads a lot and mostly listens. But he’s very funny and observant. We’re sort of opposites because Tao says I get too many crushes and Isaac isn’t interested in anyone ever.”
Nick took in this information, first mentally removing Isaac from his list and then allowing himself to confront the fact that Charlie apparently had a lot of crushes.
“What is ‘too many crushes?’” He hoped it sounded light and casual, not as frantic and desperate as he felt.
Charlie rolled his eyes. “He’s exaggerating. Tao loves movies and every time we have a movie night, I usually think one of the lead guys is cute. It’s almost never crushes on people we actually know.”
Okay. Okay, that was maybe the best case scenario.
“What about Elle? What’s she like?”
Charlie grinned wide as he told Nick about Elle, how brave and kind and smart she was, how much he missed her.
“But Higgs is better for her, right? Like, she must be having a better time there.”
“Oh, definitely. I don’t wish she were still here, I just wish I got to see her as much as before. But I’m really glad she was able to transfer. Tao’s taking it the hardest though.”
“He is?”
“She and Tao are really close, even closer than I am with either of them. He misses her a lot.” Charlie paused, as if turning over his next words in his head. “I’ve been getting… vibes with them. I think they might like each other. But what do I know? I thought Ben liked me and look how that ended up.”
Nick winced at the mention of Ben but pushed through, so close to narrowing his list even further. “First of all, Ben is a proper prick. I wouldn’t use him to measure your success. Second of all, why do you think they like each other?”
Charlie shrugged. “I don’t know, it’s just a feeling, I guess. I can’t really see either of them liking anyone else.”
Isaac didn’t have crushes, and Charlie couldn’t see Elle liking anyone but Tao. Nick tried to calm his heartbeat, so sure Charlie could hear it pounding in his chest. But all he could think about was Charlie being interested in him, so much so that he’d discussed it with his best friends.
“What?” Charlie’s question jolted Nick from his reverie.
“What?”
“You’re all zoned out and smiley. What’s that about?”
Nick tried to school his face, failing miserably as his smile only grew. “Just thinking about the one time I beat you at Mario Kart over half-term. The greatest victory of my life.”
Charlie looked outraged at the mention of his singular loss. “Hey, I got distracted by Nellie jumping into my lap! It wasn’t a fair win.”
“Ah, but that was my strategy all along. Nellie and I are in cahoots!”
“I can’t believe you’d both betray me like that! I trusted you.”
Nick just smiled and knocked his shoulder against Charlie’s, a zing of electricity running through him at the small contact.
He watched Charlie smile down at his notebook, the tips of his ears turning red, the dimples in his cheeks deepening, and Nick couldn’t find a reason to hold back anymore. Maybe he didn’t know how he identified, but he knew how he felt about Charlie. That wasn’t something that was going to just go away.
“So, uh, Otis told me something interesting today.”
Charlie looked up at him, surprised by the subject change. “Yeah?”
“Yeah. He told me—“
The bell sounded, interrupting Nick and shattering whatever confidence he had built up.
They gathered their things, and as they left, Charlie looked at him inquisitively, urging him to continue.
“I’ll tell you later, yeah? It’s a bit loud in the corridor.” Nick winced at his lame excuse.
“Oh. Okay, sure. Um, I’ll see you at practice?”
Nick nodded. “See you at practice.” He tossed off a wave, definitely dorky, but it earned him a smile and matching wave from Charlie so he couldn’t make himself care all that much.
🍂
The fact of the matter was that Nick was sure he liked everything about Charlie. Before he had let himself admit he found him insanely cute — handsome, really — he’d known he liked Charlie’s personality. He was funny and bright and caring in ways Nick hadn’t known someone could be. Every conversation they had, every moment Nick spent with him felt both exciting and comfortable. Exciting because it was comfortable.
Nick hadn’t had many crushes, at least on people he actually knew. And that never felt weird to him; he was busy with school and rugby and Nellie. Not until Charlie did he realize that he could share those things that took up his time, the things he loved, with someone he liked.
As Nick tried to sort out what to do, a tall person clad in a beanie rounded the corner. Tao Xu.
In their extremely limited interaction, Nick had gotten the impression that Tao was not a fan of his. Which was fair, a lot of the rugby guys weren’t the best to Tao and his friends. But Nick needed to sort this out and if that meant an awkward conversation with Tao, so be it.
“Hey, Tao. Can I talk to you for a moment?” Nick jogged to catch up with him.
Tao turned to him, a wholly unimpressed look on his face. “I have biology in two minutes so make it quick, Rugby King.”
Nick blushed at the nickname. “Otis told me you two had talked. About me.”
Not much changed in Tao’s expression, but he did clench his jaw a bit more and grow slightly pink. “You may have come up.”
“He told you I like Tara Jones?” Tao nodded. “I don’t. We kissed once when we were thirteen and haven’t spoken since. I liked her for a bit, but I definitely don’t still like her. Just in case your friend was wondering. I’m single. And available. To your friend.”
That got a reaction. Tao’s eyebrows shot up so high they were obscured by his beanie. His mouth hung open slightly, as thought Nick’s words temporarily suspended his facial control.
“So you want me to relay this information to my friend?”
“If you want. I’m working up the courage to tell your friend myself, but you’re welcome to feel it out for me.” Nick’s heart was thundering in his chest.
Tao lowered his voice. “Look, if you’re talking about who I think you’re talking about, you really don’t have to worry. That’s… he’s a sure thing. If you told him, he’d reciprocate.”
Nick swore he stopped breathing. His ears began to ring and his palms began to sweat and his face felt like it was on fire. He knew — logically he knew — that Charlie must have felt something for him just based on the events of the past couple weeks. But to have Tao tell him, to have Charlie’s best friend confirm he liked him back, was maybe the most exciting moment of his life up to that point.
“God, you two are going to be insufferable. Same dopey smiles, I swear.” Tao shook his head as he walked away, long strides bringing him out of Nick’s line of sight quickly.
Suddenly, he poked his head back around the corner. “If you do even one small thing to hurt him, I will destroy you.”
“I don’t doubt it.” Nick’s voice was embarrassingly breathy, but he couldn’t bring himself to be at all embarrassed.
🍂
Nick was fidgeting all throughout geography, barely able to pay attention. It was the last class of the day and with no rugby practice this afternoon (having had practice during PE), he was not guaranteed to see Charlie again before tomorrow. And who knew what tomorrow would hold? Charlie had Latin, and the language block was on the other side of the school, closer to the exit.
The very instant the clock switched, before the bell had even begun to ring, Nick was out of his seat, moving as fast as he could without getting told off. He shouldered his way through the ever-crowding corridor, putting his rugby skills to good use. As he burst through the front doors of the school, he spotted Charlie, clad in his coat, bag slung over his shoulder, strolling down the sidewalk.
“Charlie! Charlie!” Nick rushed to him, picking up speed now that he was outside. Charlie halted and turned, startled. As soon as he saw Nick, his expression softened and tension left his shoulders.
Nick stopped in front of him, slightly out of breath and flushed. “Nick? What’s wrong?”
“Can I walk you home?”
Charlie’s eyebrows shot up. “I usually take the bus. I live like four kilometers away.”
“Would you want to take a walk with me?” Nick was sure he looked just a bit too manic, too desperate.
Charlie’s eyes surveyed his face, before he broke out into a small smile. “Okay. Let me just let Tori know.”
They walked side by side, chatting about the day, Nick’s stomach swirling with anticipation. Charlie’s hand was so close, brushing up against Nick’s every so often, creating an ache so strong that Nick felt abuzz.
“We’re finally getting to some interesting works. Caesar loved to go on and on, he really wasn’t a great writer. Catullus is a much better read.” Charlie was so passionate as he spoke about his Latin class, the excitement evident in his voice. Once again, his hand brushed Nick’s, but this time, Nick caught it, grasping it in his own.
Charlie went silent, eyes now focused on their joined hands. Nick squeezed his hand lightly, face growing redder by the second.
Up ahead was a small park, more an alcove in the tree line, and Nick led Charlie towards it, shielding them from the rest of the world amongst the flora.
They halted under a tree, Charlie still silent and shocked. Nick stroked his thumb across Charlie’s knuckles, softly, gently, comfortingly.
“Otis told me something interesting this morning.”
“Oh?” Charlie’s voice was thin, breathy.
“Mm. He said that Tao had messaged him over break about a friend of his who liked me. Did you know about that?” Charlie still wasn’t meeting Nick’s eyes.
“He… might have mentioned something.”
“It got me thinking. As far as I know, Tao doesn’t have a lot of friends. Just you, Isaac, and Elle.” Charlie nodded almost imperceptibly. “And then you helped me eliminate Isaac and Elle as options.”
Charlie looked scared all of the sudden. “Tao said Otis said you like a girl called Tara.”
“He didn’t give you the update, I guess. I found Tao later and told him that wasn’t true. I haven’t spoken to Tara in years.”
Charlie finally met Nick’s eyes, hope written all over his face. “Oh? You don’t have a crush on anyone at the moment?”
“I didn’t say that.”
Nick watched Charlie deflate slightly, still so insecure even as they held hands in a clearly non-platonic way.
“Oh. What’s she like then?”
“Charlie.” Nick squeezed his hand again, firmer, longer.
“What?” His voice shook on the word.
“Charlie.” Nick brought his free hand up to lightly cup Charlie’s cheek. “Why would you assume they’re a girl?”
“Would you — you’d have a crush on someone who wasn’t a girl?” Nick nodded, thumb slowly sweeping over Charlie’s cheekbone. His voice shallow, he asked “Would you kiss someone who wasn't a girl?”
“I don’t know, maybe.” Nick wasn’t sure he ever wanted to kiss anyone but Charlie.
“Would you kiss me?” Charlie’s eyes were wide, his face open and vulnerable. Nick suddenly understood every love song.
“Yeah.”
They leaned in at the same time, meeting in the middle. It was tentative, just a brush, then another. Soft, gentle, electrifying.
Pulling back, Nick wanted to cry. He smiled, so small, as he readjusted their hands to lace their fingers together. Charlie began to lean back in, and Nick swayed forward, eyes closed as he eagerly anticipated the coming events.
This time was more sure, both pushing in a bit more, angling for a better fit. It was perfect perfect perfect. Charlie laid his free hand on Nick’s neck, an anchor keeping Nick from fully ascending. Nick didn’t know it was possible to want so much, the need to be close to Charlie, to keep kissing Charlie, fully consuming him. Each time they separated, they went back in, neither able to just stop, not when everything suddenly felt so right.
A dog barked in the distance, prompting Nick to slowly pull away. He slid his hand down from Charlie’s cheek, settling it on his shoulder.
“I like you, Charlie. In more than a friend way.”
Charlie lit up. “You like me?”
Nick exhaled shakily. “Yeah, I really do. I don’t… necessarily know what it means. I’ve kind of been having a proper gay crisis these past few weeks. But I know that I like you, and I think that may be enough for now.”
“You don’t have to have it all figured out right now. It’s okay to take some time.” Charlie was so close, eyes so sincere, smile so bright. Nick wanted to stay here forever.
“I don’t want you to think I’m like Ben. I don’t want to have to make you keep everything a secret like he did. But… I don’t even know what I’d come out as.”
Charlie clutched Nick’s hand tighter, a reassuring hold. “You’re nothing like him. He ignored me and treated me like I didn’t matter. You’ve never been like that with me. I’d never force anyone to come out. Just… don’t ignore me.”
Nick smiled, brimming with relief. “I couldn’t ignore you even if I tried. You’re stuck with me, Charlie.”
Charlie giggled, small and sweet, the cutest sound Nick had ever heard. And he realized that all he wanted was to make Charlie that happy for as long as he could.
“I probably need to get home soon before Tori thinks you’ve kidnapped me.” Charlie leaned in playfully, and Nick took the opportunity to peck him quickly. Both boys blushed as they separated, matching dopey smiles on their faces.
“Tao said we were going to be insufferable.” Nick led Charlie back to the sidewalk. “But I’m not sure I care, not if I get to see you smile like that.”
“Nick! You can’t just say things like that! I’ve liked you for too long, you need to give me time to adjust.”
“Oh, so I’m just expected to keep all these thoughts to myself still?”
“Nick!”
Nick knocked their shoulders together as they walked, so elated in this little bubble they had created. Charlie’s hand was warm and large in his own, fingers slotting perfectly together. He hadn’t held hands with anyone like this before, but he didn’t think it was possible for any other hand to fit so well in his.
He kept sneaking glances at Charlie as they spoke, still in disbelief at what had happened.
“You’re the cutest person I’ve ever seen.” It slipped out as Charlie recapped his day. Nick flushed, embarrassed, but didn’t try to take the words back, not when they were so true.
“Nick.” Charlie stopped them and buried his face into Nick’s shoulder, mumbling something.
“What was that?”
Charlie turned his head so he was speaking into Nick’s neck. “I can’t handle this! No one’s ever… Ben called me cute, but looking back, it never felt genuine, not in the way it does when you say it. Like you actually mean it.”
“I do.”
Charlie’s answering giggle set Nick on fire. “And I just like you so much. It’s a lot to take in.”
“You’ll just have to get used to it, I guess.”
They started walking again, turning into Charlie’s neighborhood.
“I’ve been referring to you as ‘hot straight boy’ to my friends.” Charlie sounded mortified to be admitting it.
Nick laughed. “‘Hot straight boy?’”
“In my defense, I called you my supportive straight friend and you agreed!”
“Charlie, I had just realized that the way I felt around you might be different than how I’d feel around just a friend. I wasn’t in a place to deny it at that point, especially when I had no idea how I was feeling!” Charlie’s house was in sight now. “You thought I was hot?”
“I… still think that.” Charlie sounded nervous, as though they hadn’t just made out in an alcove.
Nick couldn’t help but preen a bit, basking in the affections of his crush.
They stopped outside Charlie’s front gate. The sun was setting, bathing them both in a dim orange light.
“Same.”
“Nick!”
Nick smiled wide. “I should go before the sun goes down.”
“Okay.”
“Can I kiss you goodbye?”
“Do you really want to?” Charlie fidgeted, looking nervous.
“Yeah. I really do. You don’t have to doubt yourself with me. I want to be close to you.”
“Okay.” It was shaky, that one word holding so much of Charlie’s doubts and fears, expelling them into the sunlit sky. Nick knew he’d still need to reassure Charlie of his affections, which he was more than happy to do, but he also knew that Charlie was finally starting to realize that he deserved to be loved. And Nick was excited to be a part of that journey, showing Charlie just how special and worthy he was.
Nick leaned in, meeting Charlie halfway in a fairly chaste kiss, both hyper aware that they were right outside of Charlie’s home. It still left Nick feeling light and tingly when they separated a moment later.
Charlie kept his eyes closed as he sighed out, “I’m so glad Tao can’t stop himself from meddling.”
Nick chuckled. “We would have gotten there on our own, I’m sure of it. I think we may be inevitable, as cheesy as that sounds.”
Charlie blushed and opened his eyes. “You’re a dork.”
Shrugging, Nick released Charlie’s hand and opened his front gate. “Maybe. But you have a crush on a dork so who’s the real embarrassing one, hm?”
“Well, you have a crush on a nerd, so…” They stood smiling at each other, until Nick registered the sky darkening around them.
“I really do need to go. I’ll message you though. You’re not getting rid of me that easy.”
“I wouldn’t want to even if I could.”
Nick watched Charlie walk up his front path and open his door, turning to smile and wave at Nick before going inside. With a disbelieving shake of his head, Nick turned to go home, wondering if he’d ever been this happy in his life.