Chapter Text
They packed up camp and started the trek up the mountain later than planned, around nine, but made it there in just under two hours. The "training camp" was no more than a few large canvas tents with big plastic windows and some makeshift obstacle courses. When they arrive, the clones appear to be having a… book club?
"Jesus Christ, they're reading Atlas Shrugged." Harcourt chuckles into the radio, looking through a pair of binoculars. "It doesn't look like anyone's armed, Chris. I think you can just let yourself in and take 'em out."
"Are they all there?"
"I count eighteen people. Our last estimate said he had nineteen of them, so twenty people total. But we aren't sure if he's capable of making more."
"So there could be fifty of them hiding on a ridge somewhere?"
"Yup."
"Great." Chris rolls his eyes, draws his gun, and readies his shield. The outcome usually depends on intel, but today it's mostly luck. So far he's been lucky, but that streak has to end soon, right?
He kicks the door down and half the clones whip around in their chairs to look at him. "Ew!" One of them says, frowning. "You don't look like us at all!" Says another. They seem too disgusted by him to even perceive him as a threat. "Father-Brother-Me isn't going to like this." A clone in the back shakes his head and rises to his feet. "No, he isn't. Let's kill him, Brother-Mes!" Now they all rise, retrieving switchblades from their pockets that click open in unison.
Now it's Chris's turn to be disgusted. They're worse than he expected. He had prepared for freaks, but these guys are nasty. Why is it always the ugliest dudes who think they're the most evolved, perfect life forms? He takes two of them out before they can even move, the rest stampeding to get to him. He only has to shoot five or six more, the rest lay unconscious after being trampled by their… Brother-Thems. It's over before Chris even needs to reload. He takes a headcount. Seventeen. Which means (as far as they know) there's three left.
He pulls the pin out of a grenade and tosses it onto the clone pile before absconding from the tent, waiting out the blast behind a climbing wall assembled a couple dozen yards east.
At the sound of the explosion, the remaining three come bursting out of the next tent over. They're screaming, too wrapped up in putting out the fire and finding survivors to notice Peacemaker sauntering up behind them. "Is one of you the Dad?" The best-dressed of the bunch responds by shooting at him with a golden pistol that looks like it's made of plastic. Chris is surprised it isn't a BB that grazes his cheek. Considering the other two have the same switchblades the guys in book club had, it feels safe to assume that the man with the gun is the Papa. Poor guy only got out one shot before Peacemaker's put a bullet between his eyes. The other two jump at Chris, trying to go for a tackle but instead just grappling him. He shakes them off with ease and pins one under his boot while he shoots the other.
"Are there more of you?" The last clone gulps and shakes his head, sputtering, "Can I tell you a secret?" Peacemaker shrugs. "I was kind of hoping this would happen. I didn't really wanna kidnap someone." The clone doesn't look particularly upset, prompting Chris to ask, "Are you cool with being killed?" Which is definitely not something he usually asks, but he thinks it's possible that this guy is gonna say yes, and that validation sounds kinda nice. As anticipated, the clone nods and smiles. "Sick. Hope your next life's better, man."
And bang.
"Mission complete at 11:58 AM. Got 'em all." Chris glances up to where Emilia is hiding. She waves, her voice coming from the radio. "Good. Let's get the fuck out of here."
Before he goes to meet her, he grabs the gun to look for a company name. It says, 'Rooger'. In all his years of killing people, this is the first time he's encountered a counterfeit fucking gun.
Probably safe to say this guy (these guys?) will not be missed.
The trek back down the mountain goes a lot faster than going up, taking three hours as opposed to eight. The trail was steep, with some parts blocked by debris they had to clear before passing. Chris is grateful for the made up time because it means he gets service back before Adrian's shift starts.
They meet Economos back at the van and settle in for the first leg of the trip home. Chris sits in the back, Harcourt riding shotgun, Economos driving.
3:30 PM
CS: Mission accomplished.
VG: like for real or like george bush that one time
CS: For real; what the fuck?
VG: haha i know
VG: congratulations!
VG: i didn't doubt you for a second
VG: 🧜
Sometimes Chris wonders if that stupid fucking merman is Adrian's way of saying "I love you".
VG: hey did you know they make clamps for your nipples
Alright. Or it means… that.
CSmith is typing…
…
3:44 PM
CS: Why are you saying this right now?
VG: i bought some!
VG: did you know that store on franklin sells sex toys?!
VG: i thought they just rented out tapes but i guess they dont do that anymore
4:00 PM
CS: Are you talking about the sex shop in the building that used to be a Blockbuster?
CS: With the neon sign that says "GIRLS GIRLS GIRLS" in the shape of the Blockbuster logo?
VG: yeah!
VG: i havent been to a blockbuster in forever idk why
VG: netflix i guess
CS: Adrian are you fucking kidding me?
VG: about what?
VG: they really do sell sex toys
Harcourt won't let him smoke in the van (even out the window, which is total bullshit) but it's almost 4:20, and less than ten minutes into his conversation with Adrian, he's starting to get a headache.
4:15 PM
CS: Blockbuster went bankrupt
CS: in 2010
VG: whoa!!!!!
VG: that's crazy i didnt know that!!!
CS: V what the fuck is going on what did you buy??
VG: nipple clamps!
VG: and lube cus we were low
VG: and some other stuff
CS: Why did you buy nipple clamps
VG: for your nipples!
VG: to clamp them
VG: and pull on them
VG: there's a chain connecting them so i can tug on both one handed
VG: and then i can have a hand free for other stuff!
VG: like idk. fingerfucking you!
VG: your mouth or your ass either one
VG: oh or i could hold it in my teeth and have both my hands free
VG: remember last night when you fucked your mouth with your own fingers? because you had to?
VG: well now youll never have to again! just hold the chain in your teeth
VG: that's if you go on another mission without me.
VG: 🧜
VG: bring me next time i will be very polite and helpful and i won't make anyone uncomfortable on purpose!
VG: also i'll suck your cock! extra sloppy 👍
VG: jeez, just think about that. us in a tent, me blowing you and pulling on that chain
Chris squirms in his seat. Even that stupid emoji isn't enough to turn him off right now. At times like this he wishes he'd chosen a mask as opposed to a helmet, because he can feel his cheeks getting pink and if Economos notices he'll have to kill him. He isn't looking at him, but he definitely can see him through the rear-view. Chris turns around on the bench to face the back of the van. John doesn't notice, but Harcourt does.
"You'd better not be fucking vaping back there, Chris, I swear to fucking god—"
"I'm not! Fuck! Can't a guy reposition while sitting on a bench with fucking negative amounts of padding?! My ass hurts! Sue me!" Harcourt snickers, but doesn't reply or turn around.
4:27 PM
VG: too much?
CS: No but
CS: Good christ Vij
CS: You're not even gonna be home when I get back. I'll probably be asleep when you get off work.
VG: i know, i'm leaving in a minute
VG: thats why i left you them as a present!
VG: some other stuff too. i got it gift wrapped and made the girl at the store very uncomfortable.
VG: but don't worry! i told her it was for my BOY friend so she would know i wasnt sexually harassing her.
VG: thats really important nowadays. you might have missed that while you were in prison.
VG: anyway your welcome home gifts are on the bed
VG: so you can play with them while i'm gone 😃
VG: remember to send me pictures!
4:33 PM
VG: the clamps are waterproof btw.
VG: in case you wanted to send me shower pics.
VG: you can wear them in the shower!
CS: Absolutely not.
CS: I let you do that because YOU like it.
CS: I like it because you like it.
VG: HAHA HAHA HAHA
VG: oh my god i'm going to piss myself chris! stop!
VG: i already put my work pants on please
VG: oh god
VG: that's so funny that you think i believe that
VG: look at how you're typing! oh my god you're being so serious
VG: chris
VG: the first time i did that you came immediately do you think i didnt notice that?
VG: CHRIS! YOU WERE INSIDE ME!
VG: i hadn't even gotten it in all the way!
4:38 PM
CSmith is typing…
…
…
4:42 PM
VG: chriiiiiiis
VG: don't mope its not hot
CS: I don't get off on it.
VG: lying isnt hot either
VG: and you know what else isn't hot? texting while driving. ttyl!!
CS: Fuck you.
4:51 PM
CS: Have a good day at work.
4:56 PM
VG: ❤️🧜!
Thank god he turned away from his teammates when he did, because he's half-hard and these pants are tight and only getting tighter. Fuck. Goddamnit. What was Adrian thinking, going into that shop? The clamps probably won't even fit. It's not like Chris has abnormally sized nipples or anything. They're normal. They're better than normal. They are strong and noble nipples and he will not be ashamed of what it may or may not feel like when they are pinched. Specifically, he will not be ashamed of how it feels when Adrian pinches them. He's not ashamed of how he feels about Adrian's fingers. They aren't as calloused as they could be, since he wears his suit while training, but they're still strong. Soft but capable of roughness. It's… delicious.
Jesus Christ, delicious? What the fuck is that adjective? Delicious doesn't even make sense there, maybe if he was thinking about Adrian's mouth on his nipples it would make sense, but—
Wait, why isn't he thinking about Adrian's mouth? What's stopping him from daydreaming about how it feels when Adrian is holding and squeezing one of his pecs while biting sloppily on the other? Actually, it's disgusting, how slimy his chest is at the end of it. As if it isn't enough to scent-mark Chris with his saliva, Adrian always has the fucking gall to chomp down on Chris's nipple right when he's started to relax into the sensations. It makes him yelp, even brought a tear to his eye one time (that he blinked away before Adrian noticed), and it makes him embarrassed in a way that he really wishes didn't turn him on so much.
For so long, it felt as though Vigilante was less than a protégé, not even worthy of being called a proper sidekick, but as they became partners in definitely-not-crime, their relationship leveled out in other areas. They aren't partners in the romantic sense, not that they've discussed… but over the past few months they've been spending more and more time together, often naked. When they started to hook up maskless, Adrian's face started to come in contact with Chris's pecs more often. That visor covered his eyes enough that Chris never knew where he was looking during their threesomes, but once it was gone, he got the answer to that question. When Adrian isn't gazing at Chris, his eyes are glued to his pecs. When he gets really affectionate, he rubs his face into Chris's chest, his cheek flush against his best friend's heart. The first time he did it, he told Chris that it was nice to have reassurance that none of his organs were failing, which is actually very nice coming from him. It was pretty obvious to Chris that Adrian just loved his pecs because well, they're impressive. Chris knows he's hot. The way Adrian licks his lips while looking at his chest, though— It's incredible how filthy he can be without saying a word. It's just in the way he looks at Chris that explains everything he wants to do to him.
Chris fucking loves it.
In general, he enjoys having partners who appreciate his body. Adrian is the first one to show so much attention to his pecs, though. Almost every time he sees Chris without a shirt on, he makes a point to nestle his nose between them, kiss them, and of course, bite them.
It has become one of the only situations during which the Biting Ban (instituted by Chris in late 2015) is lifted. Chris insisted at first that for whatever reason, the distribution of fat and muscle there made the pain insignificant, so he didn't mind. Adrian immediately saw through that, much like Chris saw through his explanation for why he "appreciated" his pecs so much. It was clear that Chris loved it from the very first time Adrian gave his nipple a tug. It took a while before he had the idea to go for them both at the same time, and he did it while riding him, which was just— it was too much, who could blame him for cumming fast? He was taken off guard, that's all.
Come to think of it, the clamps would make it really easy for Adrian to tug on both at once.
They could even attach something to the chain to keep it slightly suspended and keep both his hands free. Chris's back would be arched to meet the clamps and they'd yank on his nipples every time he relaxed. Even without Adrian there, Chris could put them on himself, attach the chain to something, and lean back. That sounds like a good core exercise, too. He can always use a new ab workout. This will be useful for ab workouts.
Chris wonders how tight they get. Would it hurt? Would he be disappointed if it didn't?
He also wonders if Adrian has already taken them out of the package. If he has, he can't return them, for sure. So Chris may as well see if they work. Just try them on. If they don't fit or the chain is too short or something, maybe he can use them on Adrian.
…His chest is nowhere near as sensitive, though. That weirdo's erogenous zones are all in places Chris hasn't typically considered sexy: his ears, his inner arms, his tummy (all of which he definitely finds sexy now, for the record) - so wouldn't make a ton of sense for Chris to use them on him. He would look cute, but if he wasn't enjoying it, there isn't much point. Adrian would definitely enjoy using them on Chris.
And fuck, Adrian sure would look good holding that chain. Chris imagines him pulling it while he bounces on his cock, whining and smiling, hair mussed, and somehow it would still be Chris who was a mess. He thinks about Adrian licking or blowing on his nipples while the clamps were on, what that combination would feel like. How big are the clamps, anyway? If worn under a heavy jacket or a baggy sweatshirt, could they be seen? What if Adrian told him to wear them out on an errand or a date or something? What if he wanted Chris to wear them during a meeting? Do they make clamps that lock, inhibiting one from removing them without a key? Why is that hot? What if Adrian lost the keys? No, Adrian would never lose the keys. He'd keep track of them.
Whether or not it ends up being something he likes, this toy does have a lot of practical applications. It would be wasteful to not try and discover them all.
Chris cannot wait to get home.