Chapter Text
“Still can’t believe they live here,” Gus said as he, Luz, Amity, and Willow approached the Deamonne residence. They made the 10-minute trek from the gate to the front door, ending with a turn to reveal a grand view of the three-story house.
“I mean, he is a Coven Head, it makes sense he lives in a big house,” Amity responded.
“To be honest, Darius still kind of intimidates me,” Luz said with an abashed smile.
“He’s not that bad,” Willow said.
Once they were at the front door, Luz took the initiative and knocked. After a moment, they heard footsteps walk down the hall and Darius opened the door. He looked as though he was ready to give his unwanted visitors a speech about how he “wasn’t supposed to be disturbed today” or “the sign says no solicitors” but both died on his tongue when he saw the four teens.
“Hi, Darius,” Luz began, with a tiny wave, “We just wanted to see how Hunter was doing after getting his wisdom fangs out and-”
“Marco!” a distant voice called from within the house.
Darius, looking very tired, called back over his shoulder, “Polo!”
Two days ago, Luz had asked if the gang wanted to hang out at the Owl House. Unfortunately, Amity was having a day trip with her father and siblings, Willow had a whole list of errands to run, and Gus had to take Emmiline to the healer’s for her stomachache. So that just left Hunter coming over so the two could sit on the couch upside down together. Flapjack napped on the coffee table.
Hunter had been tapping a pencil in the spaces between his fingers when he hissed, “Ow.”
Luz turned her head from her upside down position. “What happened?”
Hunter rubbed his cheek. “Something pinched me. Hold on.” He stuck his fingers in his mouth and probed, only to recoil and shake his hand out. “Ow!”
He got up and hurried out of the room. Luz waited a moment before deciding to roll off the couch and follow him.
Hunter stood at the bathroom sink, staring into his open mouth in the mirror. “Uh oh.”
“What’s wrong?” Luz asked.
“My wisdom fangs are coming in.”
“Witches get wisdom fangs? Humans just get wisdom teeth.”
“I didn’t even know grimwalkers could get wisdom fangs. I thought it was weird when mine didn’t come in.” Hunter started rummaging through the sink drawers. “I saw it in here last time. . . .”
Luz’s brows knitted, and leaned around him to see. “What are you looking for?”
“This.” Hunter pulled out a pair of pliers.
Luz shrieked and lunged for the pliers. Hunter moved out of range and backed up. “Hey!”
“You can’t pull them out with pliers!” Luz jumped at the pliers again but missed.
“Yeah, I can! The coven scouts did it all the time!”
“You said it yourself that the castle’s healing ward was terrifying!”
“And it costs less to do it myself! I’ll be careful!”
“You don’t know what careful is!”
Hunter held her back with a hand to her face as her arms flailed for the pliers. He pushed her through the door and slammed it. Luz grabbed the knob only to find it locked. She banged her fists into the door. “Hunter!”
She would have ripped the door off its hinges with vines if it wasn’t for the fact that the door and window were both magically reinforced for maximum bathroom security (Hooty didn’t like it when they broke things). There was only one person who could stop Hunter.
Luz raced down the hall, then the stairs, and crashed into the crow phone. “Call Darius!” After a moment, she heard a slam against glass and a startled cry. “Darius!”
“What- Noceda?! What do you want?!”
“Hunter got his wisdom fangs!” Luz yelled into the crow.
“Good for him-”
“And he’s trying to pull them out!”
“He’s WHAT?!”
Hunter angled his head around to find the other wisdom fang. With the limited light he created from a glyph, he could just make out the curling tooth at the back of his mouth. He tried to position the pliers in just the right way for a proper view, but the moment he had the perfect shot, Hunter’s ear picked up an ominous noise.
Heavy footsteps marched down the hall. Couldn’t be Eda, her steps click-clacked with her heels; nor Luz, who was much too light and quick. So that meant-
“Hunter, you open this door this instant!”
Hunter fumbled with the pliers before they could hit the tile. “You called Darius?!”
Luz’s panicked voice cried through the door, “It was the only thing I could think of!”
Darius yelled, “You have five seconds to open this door!”
Hunter gripped the pliers like they could teleport him out of the house, but unfortunately, he had left Flapjack in the front room. “I said I’d be careful!”
“Five!”
“Uh-!” Hunter frantically looked around the room for any form of escape.
“Four!”
He looked at the shower drain, then the toilet, as if he could even fit in there.
“Three!”
He was doomed.
“Two!”
Hunter spotted the window.
“One!”
Abomination goo seeped under the door and regathered itself into Darius’s form. And the first thing he saw were Hunter’s kicking legs as he tried to squeeze through the small window.
From the other side of the door, Luz heard the sound of a struggle, as well as, “Are you serious?!” and, “We are going to the Healing Coven!” and then, “What do you mean you already pulled one out?!”
Hunter sulked from his spot on the couch in the Healing Coven’s lobby. Although sigils were no longer necessary (or wanted), the covens were still around as the sigils were permanent. It was certainly still necessary for the Healing Coven to remain, if only to keep idiots like Hunter from doing dumb things. Or patching them up afterwards.
Darius flipped through a magazine next to Hunter. As much as Hunter was tempted to try and yank the wisdom fangs out again in the past two days, he had already been caught. And being caught by Darius once was enough. However, that didn’t stop the misery of the occasional tooth stab, difficulty eating, and tearing through five toothbrushes.
Hunter miserably stroked Flapjack’s feathers, who perched on his knee.
A door opened at the other side of the lobby, and a girl in hot pink pajama pants was led out by a healer and presumably the girl’s mother. Gauze was stuffed in the girl’s cheeks and her eyes stared off a hundred miles away.
“Okay, sweetie, let’s get you home to your nice bed, okay?” the healer said gently.
The girl lazily smiled, drool dripping down from the corner of her mouth. “Heh-heh, yeah. Be freeeeeeeeeeee. . . .”
Hunter caught the words printed on her shirt as she staggered past: “Dental Hygienist by Day, World’s Best Mom by Night.” He very much hoped the girl wasn’t a mother already.
Hunter sunk deeper into the couch.
Darius flipped a page. “You’ll be fine.”
Hunter grumbled, “Would have been fine if I did it myself. . . .”
“Pulling out teeth with pliers like a barbarian is not fine .”
Hunter threw his hand into the air. “It’s the same as tying a string to a baby tooth-”
“Wisdom fangs aren’t baby teeth. Do you want nerve damage? Because that’s how you get nerve damage.”
Hunter turned his face away and muttered into the cushion. “Not like I don’t already have nerve damage.”
“You do realize that doesn’t help your case, right?”
Hunter scowled and turned back to petting Flapjack’s feathers. Flapjack hopped from his knee and flew to his shoulder. He twittered something or other to Hunter, who replied, “I don’t know, I just never liked going to the Healing Coven.”
Darius decided to file that information away in the “Should I Be Concerned About This?” mental cabinet.
The same door opened again and a healer with a clipboard walked through. “Hunter?”
“That would be this gremlin right here,” Darius responded as he stood up. Hunter reluctantly stood as well and trudged behind Darius as he followed the healer through the door. They were led down a hall to a small operation room, where Hunter was instructed to sit in the large reclining chair. He obliged, though keeping the frown on his face.
After a few minutes, the lead healer walked in, bespectacled and a big grin on his face, followed by a team of three assistant healers. “Hey there, buddy, are you the troublemaker I heard about?”
Hunter glanced to the side. “. . . Yes.”
“Well, it’s nice to meet you. I’m Lead Healer Stacy and I’ll be yanking out those chompers of yours.”
Hunter looked to Darius as a silent plea to stop this now, but Darius was just squinting at the lead healer in judgemental confusion. Glad they at least agreed on one thing.
One of the assistants poked a blue wooden stick at the corner of Hunter’s mouth. He jerked back. “Hey.”
“Bite down on this, please,” the assistant said. Hunter sighed through his nose and bit down on the stick. The assistant created a spell circle, which emitted a blue beam, and scanned Hunter’s right cheek, then the left. The assistant then transferred the spell circle onto a neon green stone on the counter. The stone ate up the circle and created an illusion of Hunter’s teeth, tooth gap included.
“Let’s see here,” Stacy muttered. He turned the stone to the side to look at the left side of Hunter’s mouth, and of its remaining wisdom fang. “Yep, you sure pulled that one. Surprisingly clean.”
Hunter sent a smug smile Darius’s way.
Stacy continued with an unnervingly cheerful tone, “But you sure were close to hitting the mandibular branch of your trigeminal nerve. Which would have caused nerve damage. Potentially permanent nerve damage.”
Darius threw Hunter’s smile right back at him.
“Boy, oh, boy, look at those chompers.” Stacy pointed at the top wisdom fang. “That’s quite the twist you got there.” Stacy prattled on about Hunter’s strange teeth, which Hunter started to zone out of. He already did his own research on wisdom fangs, thank you very much. If left untreated, they were likely to burrow through his gums or cheeks, or in one unfortunate case, his ear. They were also popular with night market growth potions for flesh-eating plants. He just wanted to leave this disinfected place. The smell was already burning a third nostril into his nose.
“And one last thing, I’m afraid we can’t allow palismen in the room during operation.”
Hunter jerked up. “What?”
Stacy sent him that cushy smile again. “We don’t want your little buddy getting distressed, now do we?”
Hunter protectively brought his hands close to Flapjack. Flapjack nestled into his cheek and cooed, a small comfort.
Stacy turned to Darius. “Would you like to stay with him?”
Darius, feeding into his constant urge to be sarcastic, asked, “The boy or the bird?”
Stacy laughed. “The boy, silly!”
Darius furrowed his brows at “silly” but chose to ignore it. He turned to Hunter and said, “I’ll make sure that Flapjack is alright.” Because, truth be told, he didn’t want to watch a team of healers digging around in Hunter’s mouth.
Hunter’s shoulders relaxed minutely. He heaved a breath in through his nose and out his mouth. No escape now. “Okay.” Hunter gently took Flapjack and placed him in Darius’s hands. Flapjack trilled sadly as he craned his neck to keep his good eye on Hunter for as long as possible while Darius walked out the room.
“I’ll be okay,” Hunter reassured. Though his nerves didn’t say the same.
One of the assistants closed the door as Stacy put on a pair of gloves. “Alright, let’s get this show on the road.”
Hunter thought, Please stop talking like that.
Another of the assistants approached Hunter with a vial of a clear liquid. “Drink this. It’ll leave you unconscious and numb the pain. You might start to feel woozy pretty soon.”
Hunter steeled his nerves and downed the vial in one go. He smacked his lips to get the slightly unpleasant taste out of his mouth. “I don’t feel woozy.”
Suddenly, the world spun around him and that’s the last thing he remembered for a while.
Darius alternated between scrolling through his Penstagram and flipping through magazines during the half-hour wait. Flapjack remained much more restless, hopping across the couch cushions and Darius’s lap in anxious anticipation for his favorite boy.
“I’m sure he’s just fine, little bird,” Darius said, sneaking a pet of Flapjack’s feathers with his knuckle. Sure, the kid wouldn’t be able to eat solid foods for about a week, and likely complain about it the whole time, but it was a better alternative than getting an infection in his mouth. Besides, Hunter was only supposed to be loopy for a few hours, say some embarrassing things, and blush over it the next day, no harm done.
At that moment, a crash decided to sound from behind the door. Darius paused and listened. A few seconds went by and his eyes drifted back to his scroll. Then another crash sounded. Darius grimaced.
“Please don’t be Hunter, please don’t be Hunter-”
Stampeding steps rang down the hallway. “IMMMAAN INDEPENDEN’ HUNNER!”
“Oh no.”
The door slammed open and a disheveled Hunter stood in the doorway, wild-eyed and drooling pinkish spit. Darius jumped, then grabbed the bird before he could fly into Hunter’s arms. Flapjack pecked at his hand as Darius approached Hunter like one does toward a dog that stole their very expensive boot. “Hunter-”
A fist smashed into his face.
Darius’s hands flew to his nose, dropping Flapjack. Hunter dive bombed for the bird. In a flash of gold, both boy and bird were gone. Before Darius could even think “Where did they go?” a trashcan toppled over from out the front door. He looked out the window and caught a glimpse of Hunter’s boots being dragged away around the corner of a building.
Stacy and a squadron of healers ran past him and out the front door. “We got a runner!”
Darius brought his hand away from his nose, a wave of relief washing over him seeing no spots of red left on his glove. Then he clenched his fist and hissed, “That boy is grounded. ”
Pedestrians leapt out of the way of the runaway patient. Seeing as how Hunter couldn’t fully sit on Flapjack’s staff, he held tight with one hand while the rest of his body was dragged across the cobblestones. He left a trail of drool as they tried to fly through the streets.
One of the healers summoned a shield at the end of the street. Hunter and Flapjack took a sharp left down an alleyway. Another healer threw a lasso out, but only managed to rip off Hunter’s boot before they flew down the alley.
“Sweet mother of Titans, what did you give him?!” Darius shouted as he caught up with the pursuing healers.
“We gave him the usual!” Stacy said.
“The usual what? Heron Spit?!”
Stacy had the gall to be offended. “Poppy Seed!”
“Ugh, whatever, we are never coming here again!” Darius snapped his fingers and an abomination rose up at the end of the alley. The abomination lunged, but Hunter and Flapjack teleported behind it. A bit higher than planned because Hunter’s foot swung into someone’s ribs. The momentum made Flapjack go spinning; Hunter lost his grip and ragdolled into a small, large-nosed demon. It was hard to tell who let out the squeaky yelp.
Flapjack careened into a small shop and crashed into the various cages on sale. He turned back into a bird, shook his head, and was about to fly to Hunter again when thin, metal bars fell around him. He squawked as the cage was lifted up by none other than Darius.
“I’m afraid I can’t let you do that,” Darius said. Flapjack angrily chirped and fluttered at the bars.
Hunter laid on top of the small, struggling demon, passed out. The healers approached him with caution. One of them crouched at Hunter’s side.
Hunter’s eyes sprung open and he punched the healer in the forehead. He rolled over and chucked the small demon into another healer’s gut. Hunter went to bite the third, but his mouth could only manage half an inch, so he just awkwardly nommed on her arm. She recoiled in disgust then had her legs swiped from under her.
A gargle broke out of Hunter’s mouth as well as, “ALIIIIIIVE!”
Two abominations rose up on either side of him. Hunter leapt up and drove his fist through the left one’s chest, tearing out its gooey heart. Screaming, Hunter shoved the heart in the other’s face.
“That kid’s a monster!” Stacy cried.
“What did you expect? He pulled out his own teeth!” Darius yelled.
One of the assistants drew a spell circle and frisbeed it at Hunter. Hunter ducked and the spell hit another passerby, knocking them unconscious. Hunter grabbed them by the shirt and flung them at the assistant. They barreled into the assistant and both slid to Darius’s feet. The assistant croaked, “He is surprisingly strong.”
Darius arched his brow. “Tell me something I don’t know.”
Stacy shrilled, “Can’t you use his palisman to calm him down?!”
Darius held up Flapjack’s cage. “I am not negotiating with a drugged teenager that already punched me in the face for this bird.” He didn’t want to waste his breath explaining that Hunter would just use the bird to teleport away again, and that holding Flapjack hostage would only agitate Hunter more. At that thought, Darius grabbed a blanket from the shop and draped it over Flapjack’s cage. Flapjack protested with bird swearing.
It wasn’t like he could bribe Hunter with treats either. In his current state, he’d probably think it was a trick, or poisoned, or both. The best course of action was to wait until Hunter tired himself out. Which could take a while.
Another assistant ran at Hunter head on, only to have his arm grabbed and his whole body thrown into a wooden table. The table broke in half; Hunter ripped off one of the legs to hold in the air and scream.
“Just do something!” Stacy yelled.
“Ugh, since you can’t handle your patients.” Darius stepped forward and cupped his free hand around his mouth. “Hunter! Aren’t you getting tired?”
Hunter tripped the healer that he threw into the table after he charged at him again. “SLEEP ISH FOR WEAKS!”
Darius shrugged. “Well, I tried.”
Stacy screamed in frustration.
The healers laid in heaps around the street, Hunter at the center in a fighting stance. He blinked one eye at a time, trying to keep awake. He swayed but shifted his feet to stay upright. One good hit from him and he would probably knock himself out.
Hunter’s hand bapped his cheek. He loudly mumbled something incomprehensible then managed, “TEEETHHH.”
Darius glanced at Stacy. A lightbulb sprung over his head.
“Hunter!” Hunter swung his head in Darius’s general direction. Darius pointed at Stacy. “He stole your teeth!”
Stacy turned on him. “What?!”
With a battle cry, Hunter charged at Stacy. Stacy shrieked and cowered behind Darius.
Hunter’s charge started strong, but slowed, until he was dragging his feet across the cobbles. Hunter staggered to the side, then the other side. “Whooooaaaa, time . . .” Hunter crossed his hands in a T shape. “Time-out.” Then he started tipping forward.
Darius hurriedly placed Flapjack’s cage on an abomination pillar to keep him out of reach and caught Hunter in his arms. He almost worried that Hunter died then and there until he heaved a snore.
Darius breathed a sigh of relief. “Glad that’s over with.” He turned to Stacy, who still slightly crouched away from Hunter. “I’ll pay for the medical expenses that he caused. But only the bare minimum. I suggest getting better protocol for runaway patients.”
“How’d you know that would work?” Stacy asked.
Darius smirked. “I didn’t.”
Someone “ahemed” behind Darius. He turned to see a shop owner, glancing at Flapjack’s cage and holding out his hand expectantly. With a sigh and a roll of his eyes, his abomination hair dropped five gold snails into the shop owner’s palm. “Keep the change.”
Darius carried Hunter’s dead weight through the front door and down the hall, Hunter’s feet dragging under him. An abomination followed close behind, leaving Hunter’s boots at the door then walking down the hall into the kitchen as Darius draped Hunter's body across the chaise in the living room. Darius lifted Hunter’s head up and stuck a machine-washable pillow under.
He straightened back up. “Alright, since you’re out like a light, I’m going to go change. Don’t get into any trouble.”
Hunter responded with a snore. With his swollen cheeks and the gauze at the side of his mouth, it was almost endearing.
Darius turned and walked up the stairs to his room. He closed the door and changed into a comfortable shirt and sweatpants. Just as he put on his left slipper, Hunter’s voice rang out, “Marco!”
Darius paused and furrowed his brow. “Marco?”
Crashing followed soon after.
“AH!” Darius ran out of his room and down the stairs. The coffee table laid on its side, the lamp knocked over. And Hunter flailed halfway out the window. “Hunter!”
“Freedom is miiiine!” Hunter declared.
Darius dragged him back in by the back of his shirt, Hunter struggling all the while. “Why are you climbing out the window?!”
“You didn’t say ‘Polo!’”
“What?”
Hunter twisted around but couldn’t escape Darius’s grip. “When I say ‘Marco,’ you’re shupposed to say ‘Polo!’”
“Okay, okay, Polo!”
Hunter immediately went limp with a resigned grunt. Darius cautiously dragged Hunter back onto the chaise. “Where did you even learn that?”
“Luz taught me.”
Darius sighed and closed the window, locking it for good measure. “Human thing. I should have guessed.”
Hunter nodded self-importantly. “Taught us when we got lost at Oceanmart. Watched the lobsters fight.”
“. . . Uh-huh.” Darius stood the coffee table and lamp back up then sat in the chair opposite of the chaise. “So let me guess, I’m going to have to stay in the room or else you’ll try to escape.”
Hunter opened his mouth like he was about to answer, then furrowed his brows and turned his head into the pillow with a grunt.
“I’ll take that as a yes.”
Hunter grumbled something into the pillow.
“What was that?”
Hunter turned his head toward Darius. “Ish no way to treat the Golden Guard.”
“. . . Oh, boy.”