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“Aren’t you the most adorable?” Bobby had never been this content in his life. Two years flew like a flying kite and in the blink of an eye, his baby was two. Each day was spent soaking his every new step, the first word, the growing out of his baby blanket and just capturing all those moments because he knew these would never return.
His son babbled some nonsensical words with a few giggles as he bounced him on his knees.
Two years of parenthood taught Bobby a lot. He still remembers how clueless he was, questioning his every move, afraid of making a mistake and hurting his baby. Now he knows that being a parent is all about new challenges every day and not the same solutions for anyone. But still, not once had he regretted his decisions.
This certain Sunday afternoon was special. It was ‘Kimchi’s’ birthday. A huge party was in the plan and his house was full of bustling noises and people. Wanting a little time to themselves, he escaped into the nursery with his baby. He splayed all the toys around him and just laid down watching his son in action.
There is no joy in the world compared to when your baby takes those steps toward you, coming into your protective embrace, safe and happy. Bobby knows he won’t have this forever. The more he will grow, the farther they will get.
A click of the door and noises and light passing through it broke their solitude. Bobby’s head turned in annoyance only to disappear on finding Hanbin.
“Sorry, I didn’t know anyone was here,” Hanbin apologetically stated but did not move to leave. “I just wanted to make sure ‘Kimchi’ was fine. I figured you would be busy today.”
With kind eyes and the sweetest smile, he sat on his knees. Opening his arms he urged Kimchi to come to him. It didn’t take a second for the kid to leave Bobby and run with those little, excited feet.
It should have annoyed Bobby but it didn’t. Hanbin was not only co-parenting with him but was willing to leave his entire career behind.
After a boosting solo career, he chose to quit and only focus on his label. It gave him more time to give to his family and lesser cameras on them.
People forgot them and moved on quickly. Their band wasn't the talk of the town anymore and all of them got some privacy and a chance to start fresh.
Two years changed a lot between them. Bobby was so consumed by parenthood that he never opened any doors for romance. Until Jinhwan started burying the seeds in his mind and Kimchi started needing less of his attention each day, leaving the nights for Bobby to feel exhausted and lonely; until he realized that there was not a single thing he could recall he did for himself in an entire year.
Raising a child is beautiful. It's a rollercoaster. It's a blessing and a curse all in one. It demands sacrifices and replaced priorities. No matter how hard you try, you can’t help but feel lonely if there is no one to share the experience with. And he realized he had poured his all, given too much of himself even where it wasn't necessary. If he kept on like this, even his son would start getting annoyed.
It was when ‘Kimchi’ fell sick and Hanbin ran to them within minutes, taking care of both Bobby and the baby did he realize how much he was used to it. It was just one out of many times that Bobby had asked for his help and expected his presence for all important things. He had started considering Hanbin a part of their family, a shoulder he could rely on and maybe as a partner.
After a few weeks of denial, avoidance and confrontation, he finally learned Hanbin’s place in Kimchi’s life.
“You don’t have to say sorry you know. I’ve told you many times that he is as much yours as he is mine.” Noticing Hanbin’s hesitation and guilt, Bobby knew what he was thinking. There was always a tiny part of him that felt like an outsider.
“I know,” Hanbin said, leaning for a kiss and Bobby complied, but he knew deep down, Hanbin would always be cautious around him. He will feel like he has less authority over Kimchi. He might think twice before scolding him for something or feeling the need to pamper him unnecessarily. He would live in fear of losing Kimchi.
Some eight months ago, Hanbin moved in with them. It was initially for Kimchi and his desire to be more involved with him. Somewhere between spending sleepless nights in the nursery side by side, adjusting to each other’s schedule and supporting through the tough days, the baby brought them together. They never realized when they got so used to each other, their lives became entangled.
One day, after a busy schedule, Hanbin returned home to find Bobby waiting for him on the sofa. He must have nodded off while watching TV which was still radiating the hall with its light. Kimchi was drooling all over his chest, unattended and wide awake. Bobby never does that. He must be really tired or a little conscious in sleep. Anyhow, Hanbin didn’t want him to feel guilty about it so he quietly picked Kimchi and sat beside Bobby.
Before he knew what he was doing, he landed a kiss on Bobby’s forehead. He just looked so serene. The years they spent together were tough and Bobby had been with Hanbin through everything. He glistened with positivity and filled Hanbin with hope.
At that moment, he was overwhelmed by his emotions for Bobby. It was a feeling he never felt before. He would be lying though if he said it's the first time he felt this way. Ever since they started living together, he was holding himself back. Sometimes, it was his biggest challenge when Bobby roamed around the house in nothing but boxers, dishevelled hair and a devilish smile.
“You’re home,” Bobby smiled, eyes still shut and head leaned on Hanbin’s shoulder.
Yes, of course, ever since Kimchi came into his life, Bobby had become a light sleeper. A tiny movement and he would shoot up from his bed startled.
“Sorry,” Hanbin said, ears red in shame and eyes lowered. He decided to focus on the baby. His loud laughter as Hanbin pretended to tickle his stomach and those tiny fingers wrapped around his hair.
“No,…you don’t have to say sorry,” Bobby blushed, digging his face deeper into Hanbin’s chest. He was tired of being alone. He was tired of being unloved and on his toes twenty-four seven. He was also tired of ignoring Hanbins eyes all over him.
The only reason Bobby never took any action was that he was afraid to lose their friendship. What if things never work between them and Hanbin leaves? But that thought wasn’t enough anymore. Bobby wanted to take a leap and trust someone for once.
Being vulnerable is scary. There is nothing as beautiful as sharing yourself with someone with no walls up. There was consent and affirmation in his tone and none of them felt the need to say the words to know what was going on.
Now, about four months later, things had been stronger than ever between them. Hanbin moved from the guest room into Bobby’s and although their relationship was a secret from the public, they hadn't come across any problems so far.
“No, you don’t know. You say you understand but deep down, you still feel like you are forcing yourself onto us don’t you?” Bobby said. Giving a big smile to his baby he spoke in his baby voice, “I think it’s time to give ‘Kimchi’ his birthday gift.”
Bobby wanted to wait. The biggest reason he was nervous and wanted some time to get himself together was this moment. He had it all planned out. They would cut the cake and when Hanbin would have no clue of what was coming Bobby would be there right in front of him on his knees.
Well, you can’t have everything. This was perfect in its own way. This was more intimate, personal and special. They were both already on their knees.
“Hanbin-ah, look here,” Bobby said, grabbing the ring from his pocket and amused at Hanbin’s shocked reaction.
“Will you be KImchi’s father officially?”
“Bobby.” Hanbin didn’t say much, fresh tears sprang down his cheeks as he leapt into Bobby’s arms, hugging him tight along with their son.
“You haven’t answered yet, you know.” Bobby teased him, circling his palm and his back.
“Shut up.” It was all he received but Bobby held Hanbin’s dainty fingers and slid the ring.
“I have even prepared the adoption papers. I don’t want you to ever second guess your place in this family again.”