Chapter Text
"There is no illusion greater than fear."
-Lao Tzu.
...
Gazing up at the majestic entrance of Cloud Recesses, Jiang Cheng's eyes linger on the stone staircase that stretches overhead, disappearing into the white mist of the mountains. He takes in a breath and releases it slowly. The cool air does little to calm his nerves.
Strangely, it's not the fact that Gusu Lan requested aid with such urgency on a night-hunt that's causing Jiang Cheng's apprehension. It's the knowledge that Wei Wuxian will be here. Jiang Cheng hasn't been back in Cloud Recesses since his wedding two winters ago. Lan Wangi and Wei Wuxian had invited a small, intimate group for the ceremony, and Jiang Cheng supposes he should be grateful to have been included on the list at all. After everything that's passed between them, it's not nothing.
Since then, he's only met Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji a handful of times. They've been wandering the country for the most part, going on night-hunts in remote villages, so their paths have not really crossed his frequently. Now, though, they will both be here, called to help fight whatever this threat is. Called by Sect Leader Lan Xichen, who is newly emerged from seclusion, and hasn't been seen in public in the last three years.
That's the other reason Jiang Cheng is nervous, because he hasn't seen Lan Xichen since the wedding either. When he thinks back on that, a familiar tangle of bittersweet emotion accompanies the memory.
The sight of Wei Wuxian giddy with joy and resplendent in red silk is one he still cherishes. Yet the wedding had also brought back painful recollections to Jiang Cheng's mind- of being in Koi Tower and watching A-jie marry Jin Zixuan, wishing that Wei Wuxian was at his side. Watching Wei Wuxian kneel at the altar with no living family at his side, and no Jiang Yanli to fuss over him, cut deep. So deep, in fact, that Jiang Cheng couldn't bring himself to stay for the wedding feast. As soon as the bows were taken, he slipped away through the narrow mountain pathways, too emotional to pay attention to where he was going. Cresting a low rise, he walked right into Lan Xichen.
"Zewu-jun!" Jiang Cheng dropped into a startled bow. "I'm sorry, I didn't see you."
Lan Xichen bowed back. "The oversight was mine, Jiang-zongzhu."
"It's good to see you. I wasn't aware you'd left seclusion."
"I haven't," Lan Xichen said. He gestured down to himself. "As you can see, I'm not supposed to be here."
Jiang Cheng saw that he was wearing plain white robes, hardly fitting attire for a wedding. With his hair unbound and unadorned save for the customary forehead ribbon, he appeared less put-together than Jiang Cheng had ever seen him.
"I would be in your debt if you omitted mentioning my presence here," Lan Xichen continued. "It's just that I didn't want to miss my brother's wedding, and I knew this was a good vantage point, so I thought…"
"Understood. I won't say a word."
Looking back down the path he'd come up, Jiang Cheng realized that the hilltop did indeed have an excellent view of the wedding party. Snatches of laughter and the scents of delicious food wafted up towards them. Jiang Cheng found his eyes lingering on the figure of Wei Wuxian, sitting between Jin Ling and Lan Wangji at a low table. His hands danced as he chattered excitedly to them, his meal half-forgotten. Lan Wangji listened to him with rapt attention, barely speaking one word for fifty of Wei Wuxian's. Jiang Cheng's lips quirked into a smile at the tableau.
"They seem very happy, don't they?"
"They do."
Lan Xichen studied him. "Forgive me for prying, but is there a reason you're not down there enjoying the celebrations?"
Jiang Cheng shrugged. He could have brushed it off with an excuse, but there was something about the melancholic quiet of the evening which made him speak more honestly than usual. "It's not as though I would be missed, Zewu-jun."
"I wouldn't be so sure of that," Lan Xichen frowned. "Your brother certainly wants you by his side."
"But he's not really my brother anymore, is he?" Jiang Cheng asked, the question coming out more sad than angry.
"If you still consider him to be, then he is," Lan Xichen said.
There was something in his tone which made Jiang Cheng glance at him sharply. "Do you still think of Jin Guangyao as yours?"
Lan Xichen flinched, his face going white with pain.
Ah, fuck, Jiang Cheng thought.
"I'm sorry, Zewu-jun. I didn't mean…"
"It's alright. You were right to guess I was thinking of him. I guess I always am, these days." Lan Xichen let out a shaky breath. "To answer your question, I don't really know. I hate myself for it, after everything he did, and yet I can't help but-"
"-mourn him? Yeah, I know the feeling."
Lan Xichen paused. "Yes, I imagine you would," he said with a sense of recognition.
"Look, for what it's worth," Jiang Cheng said awkwardly, then stopped. Would he make Lan Xichen feel worse by saying this? He'd already hurt him once with ill-considered words today, but something about this situation- the fact that they were both standing here, watching their brothers' wedding from the outside looking in- compelled Jiang Cheng to speak. "Jin Guangyao did terrible things, but he did care for you deeply. You should take comfort in knowing that."
Lan Xichen looked surprised. "That's more forgiving than I expected, coming from you. After what he said to you, after what he did to Jin Rulan-"
"I will never forgive him for threatening A-Ling," Jiang Cheng broke in harshly. "I would have killed him for that. But that doesn't mean he was wrong about me."
Lan Xichen jerked where he stood, shocked. "You can't be serious. He was trying to manipulate you! You can't actually believe anything he was saying?"
"Not all of it, no. But he was right to say that I should have stood by Wei Wuxian." Some distant part of Jiang Cheng was appalled at himself for admitting this aloud. In the glade below, Wei Wuxian threw an arm around Jin Ling with all the warmth and affection Jiang Cheng remembered from their childhood, and the sight made him swallow against a swell of grief and longing. "I should never have let him defect," he continued in a strangled voice. "If I'd known what he'd given up for me, I would have-" Jiang Cheng cut himself off, pressing one hand to his dantain.
"But you didn't know," Lan Xichen said gently. "That wasn't your fault, nor was it your choice. As for the rest of it, the blame for what happened lies with all of us. None of us looked closely enough at what the Jin were doing with the Wen prisoner camps. We were all so weakened by the war, none of us could afford to alienate them."
It was a stark truth, but difficult to hear spoken aloud. Lan Xichen seemed to sense that Jiang Cheng needed a moment to recover, and didn't press him. They stood without speaking for a while, letting the sounds of the revelry from below to seep over them. Despite the heaviness of their conversation, the silence between them did not feel uncomfortable.
Jiang Cheng shifted slightly to look at Lan Xichen more closely. The man looked so weary and worn down, as if even this brief excursion out of seclusion had drained him. Jiang Cheng's heart went out to him. He knew what it was like to feel this tired and sad.
"I hope you'll take your own advice," he said clumsily. "Because you didn't know either. What Jin Guangyao did, what happened to Nie Mingjue, what Nie Huaisang made you do…" Lan Xichen closed his eyes tightly and paled at his words, swaying where he stood. Alarmed, Jiang Cheng reached out to steady him. "You shouldn't blame yourself for any of it, Zewu-jun."
Lan Xichen didn't speak for several minutes, his breathing coming in choppy, labored bursts. Jiang Cheng retained his hold on his arm and tried his best not to panic. This became increasingly difficult when he saw tears seeping from beneath Lan Xichen's closed eyelids.
How had he managed to fuck this up so badly?
Eventually, Lan Xichen opened his eyes, smiling wanly as he brushed moisture from his cheeks. "Forgive me," he said.
Cautiously, Jiang Cheng let go of him and took a small step back. "No, I'm the one who's sorry. I didn't mean to upset you, Zewu-jun."
"It wasn't you who upset me," Lan Xichen assured him. "It's only that this past year has been difficult, and lonely. The smallest things seem to set me off these days. I appreciate your speaking so frankly. I think I actually really needed to hear that from someone else."
Jiang Cheng's chest ached in sympathy at the admission of loneliness. He knew all too well how that felt. He felt a stirring of outrage on Lan Xichen's behalf- how could his family have left him so alone?
"Also, after everything, I think you might as well call me by my courtesy name," Lan Xichen continued. "Our brothers did just get married, after all."
"Of course, Lan Xichen, but only if you do the same."
Below them, the wedding celebrations were winding down. Jiang Cheng smiled when he saw that Jin Ling had wandered away from Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji to sit with Lan Sizhui, Lan Jingyi and Ouyang Zizhen. They were talking and laughing together. It was a source of joy for Jiang Cheng to see that Jin Ling had real friends now.
Jiang Cheng noticed Wei Wuxian whispering something in Lan Wangji's ear. A few moments later, they both rose and slipped away. To his horror, Jiang Cheng saw Wei Wuxian's hand flutter downward to grab his husband's ass. Appalled, he jerked his eyes away, his face flaming in second-hand embarrassment.
"I think that's our cue to leave," Lan Xichen said, looking more amused than anything else. "They'll be heading right in this direction. You haven't eaten yet, have you? Would you care to join me for a meal in the Hanshi?"
"Wouldn't that break the rules of your seclusion?"
"I've already done that just by being here," Lan Xichen pointed out. "Besides, contrary to popular belief, seclusion doesn't actually mean complete isolation. No one objects to the occasional visitor. Lan Wangji flies back to Gusu to visit whenever he can, and shufu and Sizhui both come by once a week."
Jiang Cheng nodded, relieved to hear it. "In that case, lead the way."
They'd spent a few pleasant hours together that night, eating in companionable silence and then conversing over tea. At the end of the evening, Lan Xichen surprised Jiang Cheng by asking if he would mind exchanging the occasional letter, and Jiang Cheng had agreed. He had been sure at the time that Lan Xichen was simply being polite, that he would lose interest after a letter or two.
But Lan Xichen proved him wrong. Over the last two years, their correspondence has carried on, unabated, and their letters exchanged with regularity and frequency. Even after Lan Xichen left seclusion, there has only been a slight slowdown.
Now, standing at the gates of Cloud Recesses, Jiang Cheng finds himself apprehensive at the prospect of meeting Lan Xichen again. Will the easy camaraderie they've established on paper carry over into real life?
"Jiang-zongzhu?" His first disciple's voice breaks Jiang Cheng from his reverie. "Shall we proceed inside?"
Coming back to himself with a start, Jiang Cheng realizes that he's spent far too long standing and staring up at the stairs, lost in thought. "Of course, Jiang Yuze. It's getting late. Come, all of you."
…
Yunmeng Jiang's retinue is among the last of the invitees to arrive. Jiang Cheng is annoyed at himself for dallying so long at the gates that they are now actually late. Still, he's relieved to be spared the necessity of making small talk.
Lan Xichen sits on an ornately carved chair at the front of the Yashi. He looks striking in rich robes of blue patterned with threads of silvery white. The guan in his long black hair is a feat of breathtaking craftsmanship, enwrought with elaborate, swirling clouds. His forehead ribbon looks more silver than white as it catches the sunlight filtering through the open windows. It's only been three months since he left seclusion, and he still looks so much better than the disheveled, exhausted man Jiang Cheng remembers from two years ago.
It makes Jiang Cheng's chest fill with joy at the sight, and he can't help but smile at him warmly. This earns him some quizzical, startled looks from his disciples.
Jiang Cheng seats himself close to the Jins. Jin Ling's entourage is larger than any of the other sects, but not as large as Jin Zixuan's would have been back in the day. His nephew looks magnificent in his elaborately embroidered golden robes, the vermilion mark centered perfectly on his high forehead. As befits the rank of the Jin Sect Leader, he bows a polite, formal greeting to Jiang Cheng, and then promptly ruins the effect by tilting his body sideways at a ridiculous angle and asking in a too-loud whisper, "How come you're late, jiujiu?"
"Shut up and sit straight!" Jiang Cheng hisses back.
Jin Ling does, but not before spotting a couple of Yunmeng Jiang disciples he knows well and waving at them enthusiastically.
Idiot child. No sense of propriety at all.
Jiang Cheng realizes with a sense of foreboding that the room is full of the strongest, most highly ranked cultivators and disciples in cultivation society. It's not just the great sects who've been invited; there are delegations from most of the smaller ones too. He spots Yao disciples, though Sect Leader Yao himself is mercifully absent. There are also Meishan Yu disciples, and Baling Ouyang has sent a decent-sized group of cultivators. There are even a handful of disciples from Qinghe Nie, though Nie Huaisang has not accompanied them.
This really must be a serious threat if Gusu Lan has called in this kind of firepower for a night-hunt.
Jiang Cheng looks towards his right where the Lans are sitting. Lan Wangji is all frosty paleness, dressed in white robes threaded faintly with blue, his back ram-rod straight and his expression stone-like. Wei Wuxian is beside him, his black and red ensemble a jarring contrast to the pristine white Lan outfits around him. He's sitting in a loose-limbed sprawl, twirling Chenqing idly in one hand, oblivious to the fact that Lan Qiren is glaring daggers at him from across the room. Jiang Cheng has to fight back the impulse to order him to sit straight, too.
Lan Xichen stands and bows in greeting. "Gusu Lan offers greetings and humble thanks to you all for coming to our aid at such short notice. You are all wondering why you're here, so I'll get right to the point: there is an infestation of boggart yaos in the Gusu Mountains."
Surprised muttering breaks out.
"How many of them so far, Zewu-jun?" someone asks.
"Six," comes the grim answer.
The muttering grows louder.
"So they're multiplying quickly," Jiang Cheng says. "How many casualties?"
"Seven in the past week. They're all civilians from remote areas who climbed up to graze their livestock."
So far, at least. Jiang Cheng knows it's only a matter of time before the boggart yao multiply and spread towards more populated areas. No wonder the Lan have called for aid so urgently.
"Um," Wei Wuxian says. "Pardon the interruption, but am I the only one here who doesn't know what a boggart yao is?"
He's not. Several other cultivators seem relieved that the question has been asked, particularly those who are younger. Even in his own sect, only Jiang Cheng's senior-most disciples like Jiang Yuze and Jiang Qiu are old enough to remember stories of boggart yaos. Many of the others look blank.
Lan Qiren stands to address the room. "Boggarts are yao which prey on fear," he says in the familiar lecturing tone which Jiang Cheng remembers well from his days as a guest disciple. "They are shapeshifters who thrive in extremely cold and remote areas, which is why they are found most often in the mountains of Gusu. They take on the shape of a victim's worst fears; their deepest, darkest nightmares. Most victims succumb to terror and die of either a heart attack or qi deviation. With every kill, the yaos grow stronger and multiply, creeping closer to the more crowded areas. The Lan Sect has been fighting them for generations, and we have always managed to stop them before they reached Caiyi Town."
Lan Qiren pauses to scan the length of the room, searching for signs of inattention. Even the most seasoned cultivators stiffen instinctively under his eagle-eyed scrutiny, but of course, Wei Wuxian is not one of them. He leans towards Lan Wangji, whispering something in his ear.
"Wei Wuxian!" Lan Qiren snaps. "If you have a question, speak it aloud for everyone!"
"S-sorry, Lan-xiansheng." In the youthful body of Mo Xuanyu, Wei Wuxian looks like a chastised guest disciple. "I was just wondering if a boggart yao's true form could be revealed in order to vanquish it? Since they are shapeshifters, wouldn't that be the most effective method?"
"Not in this case," Lan Qiren answers. "Boggart yaos are unlike most other shapeshifters. Despite several attempts, their true form has never been seen by anyone. Some believe they don't truly have a form of their own, but either way, it does not matter. The only way to vanquish them is with bravery, fortitude and strength of will."
Several people frown, clearly wondering what that actually means.
Lan Xichen clears his throat and elaborates. "A boggart yao can only be defeated when a cultivator faces their fears and is able to overcome them. If faced with perfect calm in the face of their terror, the yaos lose their shape and disintegrate."
"And can they be safely contained?" someone asks.
"They can be trapped in protective arrays, but only as a temporary measure which lasts a few hours. Once captured, a group of cultivators will need to stand vigil and redraw the arrays as many times as necessary. That buys time for those who are trying to confront them. It usually takes several hours to vanquish one."
By the end of this speech, the seriousness of the threat has fully sunk in. Every cultivator in the room now looks somber and tense.
"It's been twenty years since the last infestation," Lan Xichen continues. "That's an unusually long gap. The last infestation was before the Sunshot Campaign, and at the time were a dozen cultivators across several sects that were capable of banishing a boggart yao, but many of them died during the war or in Nightless City." Grief flashes over Lan Xichen's face, and Jiang Cheng realizes he's probably thinking of Nie Mingjue, who used to be one of them. He feels an echo of the same grief as he, too, remembers Jin Zixuan. "This is why, for this night hunt, we have deliberately invited so many to participate. The aim is to train the next generation to face the yaos, so that we can add to the numbers of fighters capable of defeating them."
Several of the juniors look up with interest at this. Jiang Cheng suppresses a groan when he notices Jin Ling is practically vibrating out of his seat in eager anticipation. Damn it, he's going to have to talk the kid down soon as this is over.
"Right now, there are only four living cultivators who have ever successfully vanquished a boggart yao."
Jiang Cheng's eyes widen- that's even worse than he thought! He has a sudden, sinking feeling that it probably means his long-kept secret is about to be exposed. Sure enough, Lan Xichen gives him an apologetic grimace before he continues speaking.
"My uncle's health will not allow him to participate," he says. "That leaves myself, Lan Wangji, and Jiang-zongzhu as the only cultivators who have the experience necessary. The three of us will take the lead on this night-hunt."
At the mention of Jiang Cheng, several heads jerk up in surprise. His disciples stir around him, looking at their sect leader with a mixture of curiosity and pride. Jin Ling and Wei Wuxian are both openly gaping.
Jiang Cheng tries not to scowl too heavily under the combined stares. He can already feel the barrage of questions which will soon be headed his way.
"As many of you have traveled a long way to be here, I invite you now to rest for the remainder of the day," Lan Xichen concludes the meeting. "Guest rooms have been prepared. We will begin the night-hunt early tomorrow morning. Jiang-zongzhu, if I could ask you to stay to confer with me and Wangji? We will need to plan this."
"Of course."
As the room disperses, Lan Qiren walks towards a group of Lan cultivators, firing off instructions. Jiang Cheng rises and heads to where Lan Xichen is standing. He wants to greet him properly, but to his irritation, Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji immediately materialize in the periphery of his vision. Jin Ling is also hovering nearby, wearing an expression on his face that's entirely too hopeful and curious.
"Go get some rest, A-Ling," Jiang Cheng tells him pointedly. "I'll come and update you later."
Jin Ling wilts in disappointment, but knows better than to argue against such a clear dismissal. He exits with obvious reluctance, casting glances at Jiang Cheng over his shoulder the entire way to the door.
Unlike Jiang Cheng, Lan Wangji makes no move to dismiss Wei Wuxian. Instead he grabs his husband by the wrist and pulls him up to join their small circle at the head of the room, as if he has every right to be a part of this council, despite never having faced a boggart yao himself.
Wei Wuxian wastes no time in firing off questions. "Why don't I know anything about boggart yaos? If the last one was twenty years ago, wouldn't I have heard of it? I wasn't dead yet."
Jiang Cheng holds back a flinch at this casual reference to his own demise.
"Wei Ying," Lan Wangji says reproachfully.
"Sorry, Lan Zhan," Wei Wuxian says contritely. He repeats the question, this time looking at Jiang Cheng.
Jiang Cheng suppresses a sigh. "It was at Cloud Recesses during the guest lectures," he explains, "about a month after you were thrown out."
"Oh." Wei Wuxian says, sounding a little crestfallen. "And you really vanquished one?"
Jiang Cheng glares at him, stung by the question. "Big surprise, I know."
"No, that's not- I didn't mean it to sound like that," Wei Wuxian backtracks. "It's just that- well, you never mentioned it back then. Why didn't you ever tell us?"
"For fuck's sake, Wei Wuxian," Jiang Cheng snaps. "Are you seriously questioning me about keeping things from you?"
Wei Wuxian rears back, a stricken look on his face, and Jiang Cheng immediately regrets his sharpness. He hadn't meant to bring up old hurts, but the word us had triggered him, reminding him of a time when they really were an us, when A-jie was alive and they were still the Twin Prides of Yunmeng. Jiang Cheng grits his teeth and looks down, not wanting to see the hurt in Wei Wuxian's eyes, or the anger in Lan Wangji's.
The fraught moment is broken by Lan Qiren, who rejoins the group and immediately gets down to business. "You should set out at sunrise tomorrow," he says briskly. "As early as you can."
"Agreed," Lan Xichen says. "We can take three mixed groups of cultivators led by each of us?"
"Or four," Wei Wuxian says. "I'm sure I could-"
"No," Jiang Cheng interrupts, then stops, surprised when he realizes that Lan Wangji has also spoken the same word with him, and in the exact same tone.
"You can't lead when you haven't fought one yourself," Jiang Cheng says.
"Wei Ying will accompany me."
"But Lan Zhaan-"
"Wei Ying."
Miraculously, Wei Wuxian backs down, though he pouts grumpily and mutters under his breath. Lan Wangji takes his hand and squeezes it, his face softening as he looks at his husband.
Jiang Cheng rolls his eyes at the two of them, but also breathes a quiet sigh of relief. If Lan Wangji is looking out for Wei Wuxian, it's one less thing for Jiang Cheng to worry about.
"I think two large groups led by you in pairs would carry less risk," Lan Qiren suggests. "It might take longer, but it's been a long time since any of you faced a boggart yao. There's no harm in being cautious. If one of you is overcome by fear, then the other can step in and assist."
They all agree to this, and spend some time deciding the composition of the groups.
Jiang Cheng finds his mind wandering back to that day in Cloud Recesses, long ago when he was a boy. Lan Qiren had walked into class, much like today, and announced that there was a boggart yao infestation in Gusu Lan. After explaining what they were, he'd asked for volunteers to participate in the night-hunt.
There was a flurry of raised hands, but Lan Qiren had cautioned them against being too eager.
"Be aware that this requires considerable strength," he'd said sternly. "We will first test all of you to see which of you have golden cores developed enough for the confrontation. Those selected will be partnered with our senior disciples- Lan Xiang, Zewu-jun and Lan Syaron. They have all defeated boggart yaos before. Be aware that they will enter the array with you in order to supervise. That means they will be privy to your worst fears and insecurities. You should ask yourself if you are truly ready to put that much trust in a stranger. Think also about whether your parents or elders would approve of you exposing your weakness to another sect before you make your decision. You have two hours to decide."
Needless to say, some of the eagerness dampened after that. In the end, only eight of their class were strong enough to participate, and only five of those eight were willing to take the risk.
Jiang Cheng himself had almost backed out, knowing his mother would never approve of the Lans learning of his vulnerabilities.
But to everyone's surprise, Jin Zixuan stepped forward and declared himself willing to try. After that, Jiang Cheng's competitive streak would not allow him to exempt himself. Looking back on it, Jiang Cheng knows he would have bowed out anyway if he'd realized what he was going to face. But he hadn't understood himself well enough to know his own fears and insecurities.
He'd imagined his boggart yao might take on the shape of a fierce corpse, or a threat he'd encountered on a night-hunt, maybe even the water ghosts from the Waterborne Abyss that they had fought recently. He'd been utterly unprepared to see his parents in the array, larger than life and glowering at him with anger and disappointment.
"You are not worthy of your position, Jiang Cheng," his father had said flatly. "Unlike Wei Wuxian, you'll never be brave enough to attempt the impossible."
"A-die, please-"
"Leave. The decision has been made, Jiang Cheng."
Jiang Cheng turned desperately to the illusion of his mother, hoping for intercession from her. Instead she towered over him, Zidian sparking on her wrist.
"How could you let that boy upstage you this way, Jiang Cheng?" she shouted.
Her arm raised to strike, lightning unfurling in a purple, deadly arc.
Jiang Cheng froze.
His awareness of his surroundings faded into white noise.
I'm going to be expelled from the Jiang Sect; A-niang will strike me and cast me out like a dog-
And then Lan Xichen stepped in front of him, intercepting the whip strike with his sword.
The figures of Jiang Cheng's parents vanished.
In their place kneeled a young Lan disciple: no older than eight, robed in plain white, tears slipping down his pale cheeks. Lan Xichen went rigid at the sight, but he recovered quickly.
Deliberately turning his back on the weeping child, he looked at Jiang Cheng instead. "Jiang-gongzi, calm yourself. It's not real. It is only an illusion of your fear speaking."
"Huan-gege," said the child behind him.
Lan Xichen's breathing hitched, but he did not turn. "You have the strength to face this," he said, looking only at Jiang Cheng. "I'm sure of it."
"Why won't you take me to see A-niang?" the boy asked in a broken voice.
Lan Xichen closed his eyes, visibly fighting back emotion. Yet he kept his back turned on the child, refusing to give in to what was obviously his worst fear: his little brother grieving and in pain, and himself unable to help him. Jiang Cheng was awed, both by his stoicism and by his willingness to let Jiang Cheng see something so private about him.
"Do you wish to take a break?" Lan Xichen asked.
Jiang Cheng raised his chin defiantly. "No. I'll try again."
With a proud smile, Lan Xichen stepped aside.
Jiang Cheng made three more attempts before Lan Xichen stopped him, saying it was time for a break, and that it was Jin Zixuan's turn to try. Jiang Cheng retreated to a safe distance so that he wouldn't bear witness to whatever the Jin Sect Heir's demons were. He and Jin Zixuan traded off with each other several times, each pretending not to see how frayed the other was getting.
On Jiang Cheng's fifteenth attempt, he finally managed it. Anger had always come far more easily to him than patience ever had. Frustrated by so many failed attempts, Jiang Cheng felt something snap. He stared his parents down and let himself truly feel all the anger he'd swallowed for years: at his father's constantly overlooking him, at both his parents sniping at each other all the time instead of ever seeing him, and at always being compared to Wei Wuxian by them both.
"Fuck you," he spat, voice shaking with fury. "I'm done with this shit. I'll prove you both wrong, I swear I will. You just fucking watch me."
He unsheathed Sandu and struck hard, powering the blow with a seething, roiling burst of qi.
With a loud, shrieking, wail, his parents' figures exploded into nothing, leaving behind ash and an acrid, rotting smell of burning.
"Did- did I just…?"
"You- that was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen," Lan Xichen breathed. He stared at Jiang Cheng in wonder. He seemed so stunned and awestruck that Jiang Cheng was taken aback. "I have never seen anyone take down a boggart yao that way. You were so angry,you made it explode! Not even Nie Mingjue ever did that. I've read the records. Boggart yaos usually just fade away when they're killed. The cultivators who beat them do so through acceptance and endurance. They don't do whatever you just did."
"I guess I'm just that much of a stubborn asshole?" Jiang Cheng said. "Uh. I mean. Sorry."
Lan Xichen huffed out a laugh. "Don't be sorry. If that truly is the reason, I urge you to keep being one." He smiled at Jiang Cheng radiantly. "I have no doubt you'll be one of the most powerful cultivators of your generation, Jiang-gongzi."
Jiang Cheng flushed. "I…thank you," he stammered.
"Your parents will no doubt be very proud to hear of your accomplishment."
"No, don't tell them," Jiang Cheng said, panicked. "They'll want to know what I was afraid of. A-niang won't like that I revealed such vulnerabilities to the heir of another sect. I…I don't want to have to lie to her."
The irony didn't escape Jiang Cheng that this was the first truly significant achievement of his cultivation career, achieved completely outside the shadow of Wei Wuxian, and yet here he was, fighting to keep it hidden.
"I understand," Lan Xichen said. "Jin Zixuan will know you were successful, but I'm sure he will not betray your confidence. I'll have to tell shufu for the sake of our records, but I won't reveal anything personal. You have my word."
Jiang Cheng nodded, relieved. "Thank you, Zewu-jun."
…
Looking back on it now, Jiang Cheng knows he's no longer that teenage guest disciple who was willing to bear his soul to a stranger. He knows the training is important, but the prospect of exposing his fears to anyone fills Jiang Cheng with dread. He's too scarred to be capable of that kind of bravery anymore.
When the others begin discussing which juniors should be paired with each of them for training, Jiang Cheng clears his throat. "I have concerns about safeguarding my privacy," he says.
"Oaths of discretion will be sworn, as they always are," Lan Qiren tells him. "The cultivators here are all high-ranking members of well-respected clans. They will keep the confidences of everyone involved."
"With respect, Lan-xiansheng, even as a guest disciple here, I did not wish any details of my encounter with boggart yaos to become known. That was when I was merely the Sect Heir. Now, as Yunmeng Jiang's Sect Leader, I cannot afford to take the risk."
"Your reasons for wanting privacy are sensible," Lan Xichen says before anyone else can respond. "Now that it's come up, I confess that I, too, have similar concerns. I think it would be ill-advised for me to expose anyone to my fears."
This obviously catches both Lan Wangji and Lan Qiren off guard. The former blinks and widens his eyes by a tiny fraction, and the latter frowns, obviously displeased.
"Xichen, you were willing to train the guest disciples the last time," Lan Qiren says. "Your position may be higher now, but that shouldn't change anything. Remember that pride is forbidden."
Lan Xichen shrinks at the recitation of the Lan Sect rule, and Jiang Cheng feels a stirring of anger on his behalf. He can't guess at Lan Xichen reasons for changing his mind, but they deserve to be respected.
"Lan-xiansheng," he says. There's an edge to his voice which makes Wei Wuxian glance at him warily. "When this last happened, you told us that facing a boggart yao was not to be forced on anyone because it required being comfortable with vulnerability and exposure. Has your instruction changed in the past two decades?"
At first, Lan Qiren goes stiff at his rebuke, but to Jiang Cheng's surprise, he sighs and dips his head in acknowledgement. "You are right, Jiang-zongzhu. I am concerned about how we would pass on this knowledge with so few willing teachers, but no one should be forced into boggart yao training against their will. Wangji, then that leaves only you. Do you have similar objections?"
Lan Wangji glances at Wei Wuxian, and a long wordless conversation passes between them. "No. I am willing."
"Wangji," Lan Xichen says guiltily, "I'm sorry. I know it isn't fair to you to place such a burden on your shoulders."
"Not a burden, Xiongzhang," Lan Wangji replies. "You did it for my generation. Now it's my turn."
Jiang Cheng tries not to wince. By that logic, he, too, is part of Lan Wangji's generation, and should be stepping up to help with training too. "We can still divide the groups just as we planned," he says, trying to swallow back his own guilt at forcing this responsibility on Lan Wangji. "Once the yaos are contained, we can regroup. Lan Xichen and I can take care of three yao by ourselves, and leave the other three unvanquished for training."
"I thought it wasn't safe to take them on alone?" Wei Wuxian asks. "I get that you both value your privacy, but it sounds too dangerous for you to go after them without any back up."
"Mn," Lan Wangji agrees.
Jiang Cheng looks at Lan Xichen, a question and answer exchanged between them with a raised eyebrow and a nod.
"There is no need to worry," Lan Xichen says. "Jiang Wanyin and I will work together."
At this, Jiang Cheng practically feels the surprise radiating off the other three like a physical push against his skin.
Lan Wangji's eyes narrow in disapproval. "Xiongzhang," he grits out.
"We already know of each other's fears, Wangji," Lan Xichen says. "I'm the one who helped train him and Jin Zixuan twenty years ago."
"Ah, of course," Lan Qiren says, his face clearing.
"And you're seriously okay with this?" Wei Wuxian asks Jiang Cheng incredulously.
"Why wouldn't I be? Like Lan Xichen said, he's already seen my boggart yao form, and I've seen his."
Jiang Cheng gives Lan Xichen a quick smile, and it's returned with undisguised relief and gratitude.
Wei Wuxian looks between them uneasily. "Well, if you're sure."
For whatever reason, he seems disgruntled by this turn of events. Lan Wangji's displeasure is also written all over his face, but he doesn't raise any more objections either.
"I think that covers everything?" Lan Xichen says. "We should relay instructions to our people for the night-hunt tomorrow now. I will share the talismans for the containment arrays as well."
They rise and bow politely to each other.
As the others begin to disperse, Lan Xichen gestures Jiang Cheng to the side.
"Thank you for the support today," he says.
"It was nothing," Jiang Cheng waves it off.
"If you have some time, I'd like to touch base with you before the night-hunt tomorrow. It's been too long since we had a chance to catch up in person."
"Of course. I need to speak to my disciples and A-Ling first, but I can make myself free this evening."
"Perhaps you could join me for dinner? You can come by the Hanshi at seven, if that suits, and stay for tea. I could send someone to show you the way, if you…?"
"No need. I remember where it is."
Jiang Cheng turns to leave, a spring in his step. His good mood is instantly dampened when he sees Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian standing a few feet away, both staring at them in disbelief. Jiang Cheng's face flushes as he realizes they must have overheard the entire conversation. He pushes past them quickly, determined to avoid any questions.
Unfortunately, he's not fast enough to escape overhearing Wei Wuxian say in a stunned voice, "What the hell? Lan Zhan, did you know those two were friends?"
…
TBC…
Up Next:
"What do you think you'll see this time?"
"Da-ge." Lan Xichen's teacup rattles against its saucer as he sets it down with a too-loud clink. "I keep picturing him as a fierce corpse, with Baxia spewing resentment, and his eyes all accusing, as if..." His voice wobbles and he shudders hard, squeezing his eyes shut. "I can't see that again, Jiang Wanyin. I…"
"You won't have to," Jiang Cheng says. "I'll take care of it."