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Wei Ying knocked on the window gently, hoisting the rucksack on his back, now containing all of his worldly possessions. It still didn’t seem real.
He was perched precariously in the branches of the tree that grew outside Lan Zhan’s window. He had only attempted this route to Lan Zhan once before, the previous year when Lan Qiren had turned him away at the front door, but Wei Ying had really wanted to tell Lan Zhan about… something. He couldn’t even remember now. But it had seemed so vital at the time.
Lan Zhan had made him promise to never do it again. To text or call if Lan Qiren wouldn’t let him in and Lan Zhan would come down to see him. But he didn’t have his phone anymore. Yu-ayi had made him hand it over at the door. Surely Lan Zhan would understand and forgive him given the circumstances. He could hardly knock on the door at 11:30pm.
Wei Ying lifted his hand to tap on the glass again when the curtains parted and Lan Zhan’s face swam into view in the darkness. He frowned at Wei Ying’s little wave, but opened the window.
“Hey Lan Zhan.” Wei Ying was jittery. “I’m sorry – uh – sorry –” He couldn’t get words to come out through a throat clenching with sudden emotion. Lan Zhan’s eyebrows dipped in concern and he reached out to help Wei Ying in through the window.
Once he was in, Lan Zhan closed the window and the curtains again, plunging the room into near total darkness. Wei Ying didn’t know the room well enough to navigate it like that; Lan Qiren would never allow an omega to spend time in his alpha nephew’s bedroom. It was inappropriate.
“Can you put a light on?” Wei Ying asked, holding himself still, desperate not to knock into anything and make a noise.
Lan Zhan’s voice came from much closer than Wei Ying had been anticipating. “Shushu would see it.”
He took Wei Ying’s wrist and guided him to the bed. Wei Ying let his rucksack drop gently to the carpet and shucked off his shoes before letting Lan Zhan pull him onto the bed, sitting facing each other, despite barely being able to make him out.
Lan Zhan’s hand stayed on Wei Ying’s wrist and Wei Ying turned his hand over so he could grip back.
“I’ve been kicked out,” Wei Ying managed to get out, chest heavy and throat tight. “Yu-ayi, she–” He shook his head, unable to go on, even though Lan Zhan couldn’t really see him. “I’ve got to leave, but I wanted to say goodbye.” Wei Ying breathed in what felt like a sob. “I couldn’t leave without saying goodbye.”
Lan Zhan’s hand had tightened on his as he spoke and Wei Ying knew he would feel him shaking.
“Wei Ying.” Lan Zhan’s voice was low, full of emotion. His scent, already thick in the air in this, his own space, deepened and started to smell of distress.
Wei Ying tried to pet Lan Zhan’s hands. “It’s okay, Lan Zhan, it’s okay. I’ll be fine.” He was shaking too much, though. He knew his own scent must be giving him away. “I just couldn’t go without saying goodbye to my best er-gege.” He had been aiming for light-hearted and teasing, the way their friendship had always been since Wei Ying had forced his way into Lan Zhan’s friendship. But it was clear he wasn’t managing it.
“Wei Ying.” Lan Zhan took a breath. “You’re cold.” He tugged at Wei Ying. “Get under the covers.”
Wei Ying laughed, then bit his lip to stop the sound. “Lan Zhan! I can’t get in your bed. What would your uncle say? And I’ve been climbing trees, I’ll get it all dirty.”
“I don’t care.” Lan Zhan sounded rough in his whisper. “I don’t care.”
He pulled at Wei Ying until they were both lying down, warm under the blankets. It felt… safe. Wrapped in Lan Zhan’s covers, his scent, and his hands there, holding Wei Ying’s. Wei Ying had sometimes hoped that maybe one day he could be good enough for Lan Zhan to consider him as, well, something more than a friend. It had taken him a while to realise that his desire to have Lan Zhan’s attention might mean something, but now –
Well. It was too late. Wei Ying blinked to clear moisture from his eyes, even though it was still too dark to see.
“Where will you go?” Lan Zhan asked.
Wei Ying huffed a laugh. “Last I heard from Wen Qing and Wen Ning they were heading south. They said they might settle in Ningbo, Taizhou, or Wenzhou, somewhere like that. I’ll go and find them if I can.”
“Can you call them? Ask where they are?” Lan Zhan’s voice was full of concern for him.
“Yu-ayi took my phone, I don’t have their numbers.” He had a thought. “Do you?”
He felt rather than saw Lan Zhan shake his head. “I don’t. I didn’t know them as well as you did.”
Wei Ying sighed. “It’s okay, I know they had some family, maybe a grandmother, down there. I think she ran a little shop or something. I’ll find them.”
Lan Zhan’s hands tightened on his, almost like he was trying to pull Wei Ying closer. “How will you get there?”
Wei Ying shrugged a shoulder. “I’ll get the train. I’ve got a little bit of money that I had saved in my room. I can get a ticket in the morning.”
“Where will you stay tonight?”
Wei Ying shrugged again. “I’ll just get a little sleep on the benches, then sleep on the train.” He could scent Lan Zhan’s unhappiness with the plan. “I’ll be okay, er-gege, don’t worry about me.”
There was a pause of a few moments, then Lan Zhan spoke, low. “Stay here tonight.”
“Lan Zhan –” Wei Ying started, but Lan Zhan cut him off.
“Please, Wei Ying. Stay here.” Lan Zhan sounded so distressed and his scent was spiking.
Wei Ying reached out and touched his face. “Okay, okay, Lan Zhan, I’ll stay.” He gave a humourless laugh. “But if your uncle shouts at you –”
Lan Zhan cut him off again, a sure sign of his unhappiness. “I don’t care.”
Wei Ying smiled in the darkness. “Lan Zhan, you’re too good to me.” He leaned in to rest his forehead against Lan Zhan’s.
If he had thought about it, Wei Ying would have anticipated that Lan Zhan might pat him awkwardly, but instead his arms came up and pulled Wei Ying closer. Wei Ying let himself be enfolded into a warm hug, chest stuttering with emotion and the sweet scent of Lan Zhan all around him.
“Wei Ying.” Lan Zhan’s voice was thick and Wei Ying swallowed hard to clear the lump it brought to his own throat.
“It’s okay, er-gege.” His mouth was almost pressed to Lan Zhan’s mating gland. “I’ll write to you once I’m settled, okay? I promise. I’ll let you know where I am.”
Lan Zhan nodded against him, his own chest rising and falling with shuddering breaths. Wei Ying had known, deep down, that Lan Zhan would miss him, but not this much. Not enough to hold Wei Ying and cry with it.
“Hey, hey –” He pulled back slightly and brought his hands up to rub his thumbs under Lan Zhan’s eyes, wiping away moisture. “It’s okay, Lan Zhan, hey –” He leaned in to kiss away another tear from one cheek, then moved over to the other. “It’s okay, hey, it’s okay.” He kissed each cheek again, just because he could, because here in the darkness it was easier to do it.
Lan Zhan leaned into each press of his lips and when Wei Ying went to pull back Lan Zhan kept a tight hold of him. Their lips were hovering so close together and Wei Ying could feel Lan Zhan’s breath across his mouth. In the darkness, Lan Zhan’s arms wrapped around him, it didn’t feel like such a bold move. He leaned in and pressed a kiss to Lan Zhan’s lips.
Lan Zhan’s response was immediate. He pushed into the kiss, lips parting and arms crushing Wei Ying against him. The kiss got deeper, both of them clinging to each other with desperation.
“Er-gege,” Weu Ying breathed between kisses. “Lan Zhan.”
Lan Zhan made a low sound and rolled them, his weight a thrilling heaviness on top of Wei Ying. In the darkness he couldn’t see Lan Zhan, but he could feel him, everywhere, smell his scent spiking with arousal as he pressed Wei Ying down into the bed. It was heady and wonderful, and Wei Ying didn’t want it to end.
They kissed and kissed, feeling like time was suspended. Wei Ying spread his legs so that Lan Zhan was cradled between his thighs, and Lan Zhan thrust against him, his cock pressing hard against Wei Ying’s own. He couldn’t help the small gasp it drove out of him, captured by Lan Zhan’s mouth. It was beautiful and bittersweet. It was everything he had wanted with Lan Zhan, but born of a desperate situation.
Wei Ying couldn’t be sure who was first to pull at the other’s clothes, but in silent agreement they fumbled, hands tangling, fastenings undoing, until their bodies were skin to skin, still kissing and grinding together. Wei Ying was wet, the scent unmistakable in the soft cocoon of Lan Zhan’s bed, and when they rubbed together again Wei Ying’s body seemed to be directing Lan Zhan inside. The slide of his cock against Wei Ying was too good and he arched, letting it catch at his entrance.
Lan Zhan pulled out of this kiss just enough to breathe out, “Wei Ying?”, and why would Wei Ying not agree? He had lost everything, his family, his home. He was nineteen and had nothing more to lose. Couldn’t he have this one good thing? This moment shared with Lan Zhan? This piece of each other, to have been the first for them both, no matter what else happened?
Wei Ying nodded and arched again, biting his lip against a moan as Lan Zhan pushed inside him. He had heard that the first time hurt for some people, but Wei Ying was so wet and ready he only felt a pressure and pleasure until their hips met, flush.
Lan Zhan’s mouth was next to his ear, breathing harsh, the sound of it so loud in the silent house. It made Wei Ying shiver, hearing how much Lan Zhan was affected. Their scents were overpowering as well. Wei Ying had never smelled anything so wonderful in his life as the aroma of him and Lan Zhan, together.
Lan Zhan moved his hips and Wei Ying bit down on his shoulder to stop the sounds he wanted to make from coming out. He wanted to stay there, wrapped up together, Lan Zhan inside him, forever. This was his dream, him and Lan Zhan, made for each other.
They rocked together, gentle enough to not make the bed knock against the wall, but hard enough to make Wei Ying’s head swim. They kissed and moved and kissed more until Wei Ying felt his orgasm gathering tight. He pushed a hand between them, but Lan Zhan grabbed it and held it above his head. Thoughtlessly Wei Ying lifted his other hand up and Lan Zhan gripped that too, holding both wrists in one hand and making Wei Ying writhe against them with a frenzied pleasure. Lan Zhan wrapped his other hand around Wei Ying’s cock and stroked it in time with his thrusts until Wei Ying, twisting with frantic spasms, came, gasping against Lan Zhan’s mouth.
He was still shuddering through his own orgasm, waves of pleasure rippling through him, as he felt Lan Zhan coming, his cock pulsing hotly inside, making Wei Ying feel like he was coming all over again.
They panted together in the darkness, bodies warm and slick against each other. Lan Zhan kissed his face, saying Wei Ying’s name over and over. Softening, he slid out of Wei Ying, both of them making quiet sounds of disappointment, but Lan Zhan pulled him in closer.
“Wei Ying.” There was so much emotion in those two words. No one said his name like Lan Zhan did. Wei Ying snuggled in close, knowing they should probably clean up, but needing this, needing to be held by Lan Zhan, to feel safe here with him.
WeI Ying woke hours later. It was still dark outside and Lan Zhan was breathing deeply next to him. The plug-in air freshener, designed to neutralise strong scents, had done its job well and the thick odours of sex had already dissipated. Wei Ying was glad. He couldn’t imagine how Lan Qiren would react if he knew that Wei Ying had despoiled his beloved nephew.
The thought of facing Lan Qiren in the morning made Wei Ying’s stomach churn. The fact that he had turned up and stayed in Lan Zhan’s room, even if he knew nothing else, would be enough to make Lan Qiren livid. He already disliked Wei Ying. What would he say to Lan Zhan? Letting an omega stay in his room?
Because Lan Zhan wouldn’t hide Wei Ying. Even if Wei Ying offered to sneak out, Lan Zhan would face the consequences of having let Wei Ying stay. He wouldn’t confess what they had done, ut he wouldn’t hide Wei Ying either. Wei Ying would leave and Lan Zhan would be left with the consequences.
He couldn’t bear the thought of it. It was too close to the confrontation with Yu-ayi in his head. He was very sure that Lan Zhan wouldn’t get kicked out, but could he be 100% certain?
Lan Zhan was curled on his side, arms around Wei Ying, but when Wei Ying shifted, his sleep-limp arms fell away easily. In the dark Wei Ying managed to find his clothes and shimmy into them, slipping his rucksack on after. He made his way to the window by feel and ducked under the curtain, the moonlight bright in contrast.
The window slid open with ease and Wei Ying climbed out into the tree. He would get settled somewhere and then write to Lan Zhan. They could exchange letters, until Wei Ying managed to afford a phone so they could talk. Maybe Lan Zhan could visit him.
Wei Ying stole away into the night, not then aware of what else he was taking away with him. He wouldn’t know for another four months the gift Lan Zhan had given him, growing inside him. He also didn’t know that he would never get any replies back from his letters to Lan Zhan.
Wei Ying burst through the doors to the hospital and frantically looked around for anyone who could help him. There was a reception desk and he ran up to it.
“My son, he’s here, I need to find my son.” He wasn’t breathing heavily from just the run in from the Didi, but in his panic words seemed hard to find.
The beta woman behind the desk nodded at him and asked for a name.
“Wei Yuan. I’m his father.”
She nodded again. That had probably been obvious. She pointed. “Down to the end of the hall, follow the yellow line on the floor, then he’s in room eight.”
Wei Ying nodded, repeating, “Room eight,” to himself. Eight was auspicious, surely A-Yuan was fine, surely, surely, surely.
He burst into room eight to see A-Yuan sitting on the edge of a bed, smiling at Jingyi, who was sitting on the nearby chair. They both looked up when Wei Ying burst in and A-Yuan’s smile broke into a grin.
“Baba!”
“A-Yuan.” Wei Ying stumbled across the room and cupped A-Yuan’s face in his palms. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine, I’m fine, I promise.” He let Wei Ying cosset him for a few moments, then pulled back. He wasn’t even thirteen yet and already he could be like a teenager, not wanting his baba to fuss or scent him around his friend.
“He is okay, Mr Wei. The doctor said it’s just a mild concussion,” Jingyi said. He was a new friend of A-Yuan’s, met at the drama club, but he sounded earnest enough and their scents were calm enough that Wei Ying trusted what he was saying.
He drew back from A-Yuan, heart still beating too hard, but let himself breathe out with relief. “What happened?”
“It was my fault, really,” A-Yuan started, but Jingyi interrupted.
“No it wasn’t! It was definitely Yaochuan’s.”
“But I didn't check first,” A-Yuan said.
Jingyi’s voice, still high and pre-pubescent, went even higher. “It’s not your job to check! He should have checked, you know the rules.”
Wei Ying waved a hand to ward off any arguing. He would get the whole story later from A-Yuan. “Okay, okay. Where’s this doctor of yours?”
“He went to show Lan laoshi where the snack machines are. We missed lunch,” Jingyi said.
“I’m not hungry.” A-Yuan did look a little green.
Jingyi shook his head. “The doctor said you should eat to help your brain have the energy to heal.”
A-Yuan pulled a face as Wei Ying’s mind skittered back. “Lan laoshi…?”
A-Yuan nodded, then pulled a face, putting a hand up to the impressive lump Wei Ying could see on the side of his head. “He’s new, he just started last week.”
“You can trust him, though.” Jingyi sounded confident and a little smug. “He’s my cousin.”
Wei Ying frowned. “You’re a Lan?”
“Yeah, Lan Jingyi.” Jingyi sounded like it was a personal insult that Wei Ying hadn’t known this.
Wei Ying felt the sour crawl of old memories. There were many Lans in the world. “What’s Lan laoshi’s full name?”
The door behind them opened and Wei Ying turned, blinking like he was seeing things, like he was waking up and still dreaming.
“Wei Ying?”
His voice was the same, the same deep, rich timbre. He was slightly taller, though, maybe? Wei Ying couldn’t be sure without getting someone to measure them back to back. And his face had matured, lost that slightly soft teenager roundness. Of course he had, he was in his thirties now, only a few months younger than Wei Ying was.
“Lan Zhan.” Somehow saying the name made it suddenly real. Lan Zhan. Lan Zhan was here. Lan Zhan who he hadn’t seen or heard from since that night. Since the night they made A-Yuan together. Lan Zhan who had never written back to him, even after Wei Ying had told him what had happened, that he was four months pregnant. Lan Zhan who hadn’t even acknowledged it when Wei Ying sent him a photo of their newborn son, the last time he had tried to contact him.
Lan Zhan who was there, standing in the same room as A-Yuan.
Wei Ying backed up, like he could hide A-Yuan behind him, but it was ridiculous. Lan Zhan was there because it had been him who had brought A-Yuan into the hospital.
“Uh, thank you Lan Zhan, for, um, bringing him…for looking after –” Words wouldn’t come.
“Baba?” A-Yuan reached out and placed a hand on Wei Ying’s arm. “Are you okay?”
Lan Zhan looked from Wei Ying to A-Yuan, eyes sharp, and Wei Ying felt sick. He must be realising that this was the baby from the photo Wei Ying had sent. The baby he had ignored. It was awkward and uncomfortable. Wei Ying was usually the king of awkward, he just steered into it and laughed, but it was Lan Zhan. He had been spending time with his son and neither of them knew.
A-Yuan was looking at him with concern and Wei Ying made himself laugh. “It’s okay, Radish, I’m fine, just worried about you.” A-Yuan frowned at the nickname, but it was a mark of how Wei Ying had made him worry that he let it slide. “So, when can I break you out of here?”
Lan Zhan spoke again, his voice echoing distress scents that Wei Ying was glad the kids wouldn’t be able to understand yet. “He just had to wait for his father.” There was a loaded pause. “For you. Then he could go home.”
“Great!” Wei Ying rubbed his hands together, more to do something with them than anything else. “I’ll go and get the paperwork sorted.”
He almost ran out of the room, turning back to retrace the way he had come, but wasn’t shocked when he felt a hand on his arm. “Wei Ying.”
Wei Ying looked at the hand and Lan Zhan pulled it back. “Not here. Not now.” He finally looked up at Lan Zhan’s face. Those eyes, eyes he had dreamed of for years.
Lan Zhan hesitated, then nodded. He went back into the room, making Wei Ying pause. He was with A-Yuan again, without Wei Ying there. But the sooner he could get A-Yuan away, the better.
The doctor was easy to find, completing paperwork at the main desk, and Wei Ying was to get everything he needed read and signed before he had to go back into the room. Before he had to face Lan Zhan again. But it meant that when he did, he was able to immediately hustle A-Yuan out.
“Come on then, let's get you home and resting your brain.” He wrapped an arm around A-Yuan, keeping him on the opposite side to Lan Zhan. A-Yuan leaned back to wave at Jingyi. “You can message him later.”
“Oh!” Jingyi’s voice piped up. “I’ve got your phone!” He rushed across to A-Yuan and thrust it at him with a grin. “Nearly forgot.”
A-Yuan smiled back wanly and shoved it in his pocket. “Thanks.”
They almost made it out of the door before Lan Zhan spoke. “Wei Ying. May I take your number to call and check on A-Yuan later?”
Wei Ying almost laughed at the request, sudden anger rising in his chest. Now? Now he wanted to see how A-Yuan was? Well, it was twelve years too late. He couldn’t barge in now and expect to just -
“No.” Wei Ying remembered that the kids were there. “No, it’s okay. I’ll let drama club know if there are any issues, thank you.”
He didn’t look at Lan Zhan, he couldn’t. Even his scent this close was too much, and he led A-Yuan out.
A-Yuan, bless his sweet and understanding heart, waited until they were nearly home in the Didi to ask. “Baba? How do you know Lan laoshi?” His voice was quiet, and heartbreaking in its gentleness.
“Um.” What could he tell him. “Well. Lan laoshi and I, we used to be friends when we were teenagers.”
A-Yuan’s face was full of worry. “Before you had to leave home?”
“Yeah,” Wei Ying said. “I haven’t spoken to him since I left.”
“Oh.” A-Yuan voice was small. “Didn’t you want to be friends with him anymore?”
Wei Ying took a breath and prepared to lie to his son. Again. “I did, but we were living in different places, different lives. I was pretty busy, then I was growing a little radish inside me, so there were more important things than some teenage friendship, you know?” He nudged A-Yuan with his elbow to make him smile. It seemed to work and the concern melted.
“Okay.” He seemed to consider. “You could be friends again now?” His eyes lit at some inner vision of it. “Lan laoshi is pretty great. He’s quiet and really firm, but, like, in a fun way? He lets us learn the music for ourselves, you know?”
That was Lan Zhan, strict, but in a fun way. Wei Ying had always thought so.
“I don't know.” Wei Ying tried to keep his tone light. “I’m still pretty busy.” A-Yuan scowled, looking so much like Wen Qing that Wei Ying laughed. “Hey! None of that. Your baba has lots of friends already. He doesn’t need any more you know.”
A-Yuan did that one-sided shrug that he had seemed to learn in the last year or so, the one that heralded him heading into teenagehood. He was a good boy, lovely, sweet, and smart. He was more Lan Zhan’s temperament than Wei Ying’s, but teenagers needed to rebel at least a little, he supposed. It was good for them to learn their boundaries.
The car pulled up at the shop and Wei Ying helped A-Yuan climb out. They weren’t even fully on the pavement before the door to the shop burst open and Popo came out, hands up to go straight to A-Yuan’s face.
“My boy, my boy.”
A-Yuan laughed and let his frail grandmother look in his eyes. “I’m okay, Popo.”
Popo clearly wasn’t having any of their reassurances and ushered A-Yuan inside, sitting him down where the customers were usually seated while waiting for one of their traditional remedies. Wen Qing’s head peeked out from the acupuncture room and gave a small smile of relief when she saw them. She raised a hand, but clearly had a customer so she went back into the room and closed the door. Wen Ning would be out making deliveries.
Wei Ying took the other chair and watched as Popo shuffled about the shop, pulling out herbs and washing them. She steeped a brew and handed it to A-Yuan, making sure he had a good hold before finally leaning back to watch him drink it. A-Yuan had grown up with Popo’s traditional omega remedies. He loved the shop, loved helping Wei Ying and Popo to mix the ingredients and wrap the packages for customers. He smelled the tea and took a mouthful.
Popo nodded and sighed. “The hospital can only do so much.”
Wei Ying rested a hand on her knarled one. “Thank you.”
She patted him, then seemed to see him properly. “Hmmm. What’s this?” She peered into his eyes, examined his hands, pressed the centre of his forehead, the top of his head, and his shoulders. She shook her head and stood back up from her stool.
As she worked, Wen Qing escorted the customer through and to the door, accepting the profusive thanks in her usual manner. When she turned back after closing the door, she walked straight over to A-Yuan and gripped his shoulder.
A-Yuan smiled at her, but Wen Qing noticed Popo still fiddling about the shop and frowned. “Is there something else wrong?”
“Baba saw an old friend,” A-Yuan explained, making Wei Ying wince. “Lan laoshi.”
Popo thrust a tonic into Wei Ying’s hands and scowled at him until he started to drink. It did help settle his twanging nerves.
“Lan laoshi?” Wen Qing repeated.
“Mn,” A-Yuan said. “Baba called him Lan Zhan?”
Wen Qing levelled her sharp gaze at him and for the first time Wei Ying regretted raising his son to be so open and honest. He couldn't keep any secrets.
“Lan Zhan.” Wen Qing’s tone was dark and flat. A-Yuan looked puzzled by it and Wei Ying gave her a hard stare. She pursed her lips and looked away. “I think I remember you mentioning him once.”
“Yeah!” Wei Ying again went for light-hearted. “We were friends back home. But that was a long time ago. It was just a surprise to see him when I was worried about my little radish.” He stroked A-Yuan’s hair, but gently, wary of the concussion.
“Ba,” A-Yuan objected, making them laugh. He tried to hide his own smile as Wen Qing wrapped an arm around his shoulders.
“Glad you’re okay, little one.”
Wei Ying had insisted that A-Yuan go to bed early to get some rest. He had objected that 8pm was a bedtime for babies, but had fallen asleep quickly, breathing evening out in just a few minutes. Wei Ying watched him sleep in a way he hadn’t since A-Yuan had been a baby, terrified something might happen and that he’d lose this one thing he had managed to keep from his life before. This one part of Lan Zhan to remember him by.
He looked up to the ceiling, trying not to let the thickness in his throat become tears. If A-Yuan woke to find him crying at his bedside he would never stop worrying. Plus he might figure out that Lan Zhan was far more than an old friend.
Wei Ying couldn’t believe it. Couldn’t understand a universe that could create this kind of coincidence. Lan Zhan, here, in their city. Not just here, but working with A-Yuan. Of all the ways that Wei Ying had imagined, dreamed, ranted about Lan Zhan coming back into their lives, this had never featured.
In his pocket his phone buzzed and he knew it would be Wen Qing, telling him to stop worrying. He sighed and slinked out of A-Yuan’s room, pulling the door to, but leaving it ajar so he could easily peek in later.
When Wei Ying had turned up on Popo’s doorstep he had been half-starved, simultaneously sick to his stomach, and overwhelmingly grateful for the room Popo had immediately offered him.
He had made his way south by picking up odd jobs here and there when he could, when the exhaustion and nausea had allowed him to. There was no role he had been too proud to do, picking up shifts in restaurants, cafes, factories, big and small. But his unknown passenger had been sapping everything from him.
The first week in his room Wei Ying had slept whenever he wasn’t eating. Wen Qing had eyed him, had wanted to get him into her acupuncture room, but he was too exhausted to even let her help him. He had lived on food made by Wen Ning and remedies from Popo until he felt able to get up and help in the shop. With him on board, Popo had been able to extend the opening hours and increase the business. She said it was more than enough to cover a room and board and wouldn’t take anything off the salary she paid him for it.
When, at three months along, finally recovering from what he thought was the stresses of living semi-rough, Wei Ying’s clothes had started feeling tight, he had initially put it down to the great food. At four months it had been apparent that weight gain didn’t usually only affect the stomach. He had bought a pregnancy test, simultaneously terrified of it being positive, and also desperate to know he had something of Lan Zhan with him. He’d had no response to the letters he had sent, after all.
Even so, the positive test had been a shock, somehow.
He had still woken sometimes from dreams of Lan Zhan on top of him, desperate and panting, but it had started to feel like it must have just been that, just a dream. The little result in the test window made it real. It proved that despite Lan Zhan’s silence, they had shared that time together.
The Wens had been amazing. Within a week they had moved Wen Ning out of the room next to Wei Ying’s and down to the middle floor with Wen Qing and Popo, giving him the whole top floor with a room ready to become a nursery. When he had suggested moving out, to save them from a crying baby in the middle of the night, Popo had lamented that he was trying to steal away her grandchild before he was even born. He had cried that night, finally feeling like part of a family who saw him as a gift and not a burden.
He had sent a copy of his first scan to Lan Zhan, anxiously waiting for a reply that would never come. When he had A-Yuan, Wen Qing had taken a photo of them together. A-Yuan had been wrinkly and red, so ugly it was hilarious, while still the most beautiful thing Wei Ying had ever seen. Wei Ying himself had been exhausted in the photo, yet glowing with joy while looking at A-Yuan. That had been the photo he had sent to Lan Zhan. The letter had said it would be the last he would send if he received no reply.
Sick with grief and overwhelmed with delight in their son, Wei Ying had waited. And waited.
On A-Yuan’s first birthday, Wen Qing had poured Wei Ying a beer and said, “He’s not going to write back.” Wei Ying had cried about it that night, wished that he had been good enough for Lan Zhan, then sworn to move on.
And he had. Grief put aside, sadness left behind, he had been so happy. A-Yuan was his joy. The Wens were his family. Popo had taught him her medicines, and as she found it harder to run the shop, he had taken over, with her support. Trusted omega recipes, from Popo, and from him. They even had plans to expand. He loved it, he loved his life. And yes, he hadn’t exactly had swarms of offers for romance while raising another alpha’s child, but he hadn’t minded. He had everything he needed.
Wen Qing found him staring helplessly into his own room, unsure why he had even opened the door.
She grabbed his arm. “Come on, I’m opening the good baijiu.”
“But you were saving that,” Wei Ying objected.
“Yes,” she loosed his arm as they walked down the stairs, “for a special occasion.” When they reached the middle landing Wen Qing turned to look at him. “And this is especially bullshit.”
Wei Ying laughed as Wen Qing turned to head towards the living room. She had always been much more angry at Lan Zhan than he had. Wei Ying always fell back on explaining his uncle and family expectations. Wen Qing had never accepted that as a good enough excuse and Lan Zhan’s name remained hard in her mouth if he was ever mentioned. Which was almost never, especially as A-Yuan got old enough to overhear and understand.
Wei Ying flopped onto the sofa, Popo in her usual chair, watching the tv and doing her embroidery. Wen Ning was on the other sofa. Wen Qing handed him a glass and Wei Ying sipped from it, closing his eyes and sighing.
“So,” Wen Qing said. “Tell me what happened.”
Wei Ying related the whole tale, starting with getting the call from Zhang Bao about A-Yuan’s accident, all the way through to telling Lan Zhan that he would not give him his number.
“The cheek!” Wen Qing was pink with anger. “Twelve years without even a birthday wish, and suddenly he wants to be able to check that A-Yuan is okay?” Wen Ning shook his head and Wei Ying heard Popo tut.
“I guess it’s different when he’s a boy you’ve seen and worked with,” Wei Ying offered. It always went this way. Wen Qing said exactly the uncharitable things that Wei Ying had been thinking, but hearing it from her always made him feel the need to offer up defences for Lan Zhan. He didn’t mean to, but it was difficult to hear someone else criticise Lan Zhan. They didn’t know him like he did.
Or like he had.
Wen Ning spoke up. “That might have changed things, but maybe he should have started with an apology.”
Beyond him Popo nodded and hummed agreement, not taking her eyes off the tv and her work.
“I know.” Wei Ying put the drink down on the low table next to the sofa. It was delicious, but he didn’t want to have alcohol affecting him if A-Yuan needed anything in the night. “I know, he went about it all wrong.” The anger and grief that was somehow always there, under the surface, made him slam a hand down on the arm of the sofa. “And now I have to send A-Yuan back to a drama club where Lan Zhan can see him. Where Lan Zhan will know who A-Yuan is, but A-Yuan doesn’t know it’s his other father.”
Wen Qing swore, making Popo turn to glare at her. Wei Ying sighed and rubbed his forehead.
“Maybe you can talk to him before next week,” Wen Ning offered. “Ask him to leave.”
Wen Qing snorted. “Yes. It’s a volunteer role, right? And he doesn’t deserve to get to stay and cause you and A-Yuan trouble.”
“I don’t have his number.” Wei Ying huffed a small laugh at the irony. That had always been the problem. The laugh grew and Wen Ning joined in. Wen Qing shook her head at them but still smiled.
Wei Ying intended to contact the drama club and get details to call Lan Zhan. He was going to claim it was to thank him, but he kept putting it off all week. The thought of having Lan Zhan’s details, nevermind calling or messaging him, was overwhelming and it was easier to put it out of his mind.
When Saturday rolled around, Wei Ying told A-Yuan that he was keeping him off going to the club to make sure he was rested enough and felt guilty the whole time. A-Yuan, clearly disappointed, was understanding and came to help Wei Ying in the shop instead, accepting with his sweet smile the attention from all of the old a-yis and shushus who came in.
Wei Ying felt like the worst father in the world, until he remembered why he had kept A-Yuan away, then he frowned and ascribed that label to Lan Zhan instead.
That night he peeked in at A-Yuan, sleeping in his usual sprawled manner, and promised him silently that he would contact the club on Monday and sort everything. A-Yuan had already missed out on his other father being around, it wasn’t fair that he also miss his drama club too.
Wei Ying’s phone buzzed and he assumed it was Wen Qing telling him to stop being morose again, but it kept vibrating. Someone was calling him, an unknown number. Thankful that he kept his phone on silent most of the time, Wei Ying tiptoed away from A-Yuan’s room before answering the call.
“Hello?”
There was a pause, enough that Wei Ying thought it might be a failed connection, but then Lan Zhan’s voice came through.
“Wei Ying.”
Wei Ying felt suddenly full of adrenaline, hot and cold at the same time. That voice.
Wei Ying moved further along the hallway away from the bedrooms. “How did you get my number?”
“It was in the emergency contact file for A-Yuan,” Lan Zhan said. “I found it when he did not attend today.”
Wei Ying couldn’t help the shocked laugh that burst out of him. “Lan Zhan! That’s against the rules!” Lan Zhan hummed agreement and Wei Ying couldn’t help the rush of affection, despite his confused anger. “I can’t believe you broke the rules to call me, Lan Zhan.”
“I needed to speak to you. I’m sorry.” Lan Zhan really did sound contrite, yet also fiercely determined. Wei Ying had missed him so much. It was difficult to hold on to anger when just hearing Lan Zhan’s voice was so wonderful.
“Well, I guess better late than never, I suppose.” Wei Ying unlocked the door out onto the balcony that overlooked the small courtyard at the back of the shop. He dropped down into a chair. “So what made you so anxious to talk to me now rather than calling thirteen years ago?” Maybe the anger was still there a little.
There was quiet on the other end of the line for a few seconds. “Wei Ying, I was not able to call you thirteen years ago.”
Wei Ying barked out a bitter laugh. “I know. You had your whole life laid out ahead of you. You had your uncle, your future to think of. It’s fine, I accepted that, don’t worry about it.”
There was another odd pause. “I am not sure –” Lan Zhan started. “Wei Ying, I did not have your number to be able to call you. Not until this evening when I got it from your file. This is the first time I have even known where you were.”
“Bullshit.” Wei Ying was suddenly fuming. “Bullshit, Lan Zhan. I wrote to you. I gave you my contact, my address, I told you about –” He broke off. “You never even wrote back.” He could feel the anger wanting to spill over into the grief he seemed to always carry so close to the surface. He held tight to the fury, shaking with it.
The silence dragged this time, enough to make Wei Ying worry that Lan Zhan had hung up. When he did speak, Wei Ying could hear how thick and heavy Lan Zhan’s throat must be. “Wei Ying.” It was almost a gasp. “I never received any letters.”
“What?” He blinked through the surprise, shaking his head. “But I sent them.”
“I believe you,” Lan Zhan said. “But I didn’t receive any letters.” Wei Ying heard Lan Zhan take a deep breath. “I thought that you never wrote to me.”
Wei Ying felt like his whole chest had been broken open, like he couldn’t breathe. Lan Zhan wouldn’t lie, but how could it be true? He had received none of his letters at all? It was so far outside any explanation Wei Ying had conceived.
Lan Zhan hadn’t received the letters.
If he hadn’t received Wei Ying’s letters, then everything Wei Ying thought was true for the last thirteen years was in doubt. Lan Zhan had never learned that he was pregnant, had never seen the photo of their son, had never ignored his existence. He hadn’t even known about A-Yuan.
Lan Zhan had, instead, thought that it was Wei Ying who had refused to contact him. Who had left and never looked back.
“Oh fuck,” Wei Ying breathed out. “Lan Zhan, I swear I wrote to you. I thought that –” He took a shuddering breath. “I thought that you –”
“I know, Wei Ying, I know. I’m sorry.” Lan Zhan’s voice was raw, agonised.
“No, you don’t – don’t be sorry, you didn’t –” Wei Ying dragged a breath in. “If you didn’t get my letters then, you didn’t know. You thought I left. Oh shit, you thought I just left. I’m so sorry.”
“No.” Lan Zhan’s voice was suddenly firm. “No sorry from you either.” He heard him swallow. “It was a misunderstanding.”
“A misunderstanding,” Wei Ying repeated, leaning forward, feeling sick. “I don’t understand how they could all go missing, that just isn’t possible. I’ll put a curse on the postal service.” Lan Zhan hadn’t known. He’d thought that Wei Ying had forgotten him.
That silence again. “Mn.”
Wei Ying closed his eyes, trying to get his breath back, to rearrange his whole sense of the last thirteen years. Could the letters have been intercepted?
Lan Zhan interrupted his thoughts. “Wei Ying, may I see you again?”
Wei Ying broke into a wet laugh. “Yeah. Yeah, please. Let’s –” He sniffled. “Let’s meet up. It will give me a chance to be less soppy at least.”
Lan Zhan made a pleased humming sound. “This is my contact. Can you message me tomorrow and we will arrange it?”
Wei Ying nodded, even though Lan Zhan couldn’t see him. “Okay, I will, I promise.”
Despite his promise, Wei Ying didn’t arrange to meet Lan Zhan for a few weeks. He let A-Yuan go back to drama club, despite the weight it put on his chest to know the two of them were in the same place, interacting. He wanted to make things as normal as possible for A-Yuan. And he wasn’t sure how he was going to tell Lan Zhan.
Lan Zhan was patient through the weeks of Wei Ying stalling, messaging with benign updates on his day even when Wei Ying was saying that he was too busy in the shop, or dealing with some ill-defined child-related issue that only he could manage.
It was Wen Ning who finally made him sit down and confirm a time and place to meet up. Wei Ying complained, because it was usually Wen Qing who bullied into doing the things that were good for him. Wen Ning just looked smug and Wei Ying suspected a group effort.
Wei Ying knew that Lan Zhan would be waiting for him whatever time he arrived at. Even if he had turned up half an hour early, somehow Lan Zhan would still be there first. As it turned out, Wei Ying was five minutes late. He had spent far too long trying to decide on the black or the red shirt, buttoned up, or loose at the neck.
In the end he had dragged on the red one and let Popo fiddle with the collar until she had it sitting comfortably with two buttons unfastened. As the only other omega in the family, she claimed to know what she was doing.
Wei Ying had chosen the large boba shop in the centre of the city to meet at, partly because it was only a ten minute walk from the side street their little shop was on. However, it was also always busy and bustling. The background hum would let them talk about personal things without being overheard. He could tell that Lan Zhan might have preferred somewhere quiet and alone, but Wei Ying couldn’t cope with that idea. He was still confused from the residual anger he had at Lan Zhan for not being there for him and A-Yuan, despite now knowing that it wasn’t his fault. He had spent years with those feelings and they were hard to make go away. Being alone would just make things more awkward.
Wei Ying waved uncomfortably at Lan Zhan while he got in line to get his drink. He didn’t know how Lan Zhan had managed to get one of the booths, but he had, and positioned himself so he would be able to see Wei Ying coming in. It made him feel self-conscious as he queued, placed his order, and waited for it to be made. He felt like he could sense Lan Zhan’s eyes on him the whole time. It didn’t help that when he did glance over, Lan Zhan was always looking back.
Wei Ying grabbed a straw from the dispenser and threw away the wrapper. He pierced the top of the drink and took a breath before turning and making his way to the booth.
“Hey, Lan Zhan.” Wei Ying slid into the opposite side, heart beating way too fast. He pointed at Lan Zhan’s drink to offset his nerves. “What did you get?”
“Jasmine green,” Lan Zhan said. Then he nodded at Wei Ying’s. “You?”
“Ha ha, you know me, Lan Zhan, I always just get the classic. You can’t beat it.” Wei Ying felt himself flush. Lan Zhan had known that about Wei Ying. Did he think it was sweet or sad that his taste hadn’t changed in 13 years? And wasn’t Wei Ying glad that he had worn some pretty strong scent suppressors.
Lan Zhan didn’t comment on the drink, just nodded. “Thank you for agreeing to meet me, Wei Ying.”
Wei Ying nodded frantically, knowing his nerves were making him slightly hyperactive. “Oh sure, sure sure, yes, of course. Shit.” He took another breath. “I’m sorry, look, this is –” Wei Ying shook his head. “This is so weird and I’m so nervous, sorry.”
“Please, don’t apologise, Wei Ying. I am nervous as well.” Lan Zhan paused at Wei Ying’s barked laugh. “Though it may not seem so on the surface.”
“Same Lan Zhan, seeming so collected.” Wei Ying apparently couldn’t help what his mouth was saying.
“Mn,” Lan Zhan agreed. There was a few seconds of awkward silence before he spoke again. “Wei Ying, would please… I would like to know about the letters that you sent to me. Would you tell me about them?”
Wei Ying rubbed his forehead, then the back of his neck. “Uh, yeah, I guess.” How much should he tell Lan Zhan? If he hadn’t received the letters, did he know A-Yuan was his son? Did he suspect? For all he knew Wei Ying might have met someone soon after he left and that person was A-Yuan’s other parent. Lan Zhan had to wonder, though, right?
Wei Ying brought his hands back to the table and gripped the iced drink with both. “So, uh, I sent the first one after I arrived here and moved in with the Wens.” Lan Zhan nodded, laser-focused on Wei Ying. “I finally had a settled address, so I wrote and gave it to you. I included the number for the shop in case you wanted to call.”
Lan Zhan nodded in acknowledgement. “How long after was this?”
Wei Ying licked his lips. “Well, about two months?” As though he didn’t remember exactly how long it was. How it had felt terrible to wait for contact from Lan Zhan, contact that would never come. “I thought it must have gone astray or something, you know?” He caught Lan Zhan’s gaze, then looked down at the table. “I sent another one a few weeks later. I had my own phone by then, so I gave you my contacts.”
“And you never received a response.” Lan Zhan sounded so unhappy for him. “I am sorry.”
Wei Ying shook his head, looking up again. “Hey, no, it’s okay. I mean, it’s not okay, it wasn’t okay at all, but, well –” He paused, then reached out and placed a hand over Lan Zhan’s, resting on the table. “It wasn’t your fault. You never got them.”
Lan Zhan shook his head. “I didn’t, but I still find myself grieved for how you must have felt to wait and get no response.”
Wei Ying looked at him, heart aching. “But Lan Zhan, you were waiting too.” Lan Zhan didn’t say anything, but lowered his head once in acknowledgement. Wei Ying took his hand away. “I can’t help but feel guilty. I should have never doubted you. I should –” He sighed in frustration. “I should have tried harder. I should have – fuck –I should have come and seen you. Checked that you had received my letters.” He felt slightly sick with the guilt.
“Wei Ying.” Lan Zhan’s voice was sharp. “No, it is not your fault either.” Wei Ying went to speak again but Lan Zhan gave a brisk shake of his head. “Neither of us was to blame. I could have searched for you. I knew that Jiang Yanli exchanged letters with you. I could have asked her for your address. I should have trusted that you would reach out, but I assumed you had moved on.”
Wei Ying gave a short laugh. Moved on. How could he ever move on from Lan Zhan? Even when he had been angry with him, he had loved him. He swallowed thickly and rubbed the back of his neck. “Oh, Lan Zhan.” This time it was Lan Zhan who reached out to squeeze Wei Ying’s hand. Wei Ying turned it palm up to grip back in return. “What a mess.”
“Mn.”
They sat in a tableau for a few minutes, until Wei Ying took another steadying breath and brought his hand back so he could sip at his drink.
“You found Wen Qing and Wen Ning,” Lan Zhan finally prompted.
“Yeah.” Wei Ying smiled. “They were running the shop with Popo, their grandmother. She owns this little traditional omega remedies shop, and the rest of the building. They lived upstairs. I moved in and that’s that, I’m still there.” He quickly moved on. “What about you? You’re volunteering at the drama club, but that’s not full time?”
Lan Zhan paused and Wei Ying worried that he might take them back to the subject Wei Ying still wasn’t sure he could talk about yet. But then he continued. “I teach music through the week at a secondary school. Jingyi’s parents told me that the drama club needed a new musical director and I like working with children.”
Wei Ying smiled at the mental image, even as that familiar sour feeling of Lan Zhan being absent from A-Yuan’s life flooded him. He pushed it away. “How did you end up in this city?”
Wei Ying saw Lan Zhan’s ears go adorably pink. “I confess, I had hoped that I might run into you. I deliberately chose to apply for jobs in one of the cities you mentioned.”
Wei Ying felt himself flushing. “Lan Zhan.” He was too good. “Even though you thought I never wrote to you?”
“I would not have pushed for a friendship that you did not want,” Lan Zhan said. “But I hoped that if we met you might not be opposed to-” he hesitated “-to possibly an acquaintanceship.”
“Lan Zhan,” Wei Ying said, heart aching. “I’ll always want to be your friend. No matter what, no matter when.” He placed a hand in the middle of the table. Lan Zhan reached out and took it.
“It is the same for me,” he said.
Wei Ying smiled at Lan Zhan, finally feeling like a weight had been lifted from his chest. “Okay. Friends.”
“Mn.” Lan Zhan looked happy. It made Wei Ying’s heart ache more until his face went serious again. “Wei Ying, I do have another question.” Wei Ying bit his lip and nodded for him to go ahead. “A-Yuan. He –” His eyes were intense on Wei Ying. “When, when – when was he –”
It was the stuttering that decided it. Wei Ying had never heard Lan Zhan sound anything but composed, measured.
“He’s yours.” Wei Ying rushed the words out. “Ours. He’s ours.”
Lan Zhan closed his eyes and Wei Ying suddenly regretted the choice to do this in public. Lan Zhan shouldn’t have had to find out like that.
He pushed out of the booth and reached out to grab Lan Zhan’s hand. “Come on, there’s a park near here, we can talk somewhere quieter.”
Lan Zhan’s eyes snapped open, but he picked up his drink and let Wei Ying tug him out of the booth.
Wei Ying kept hold of Lan Zhan’s wrist as they walked, keeping up a reasonable pace and towing Lan Zhan behind him. He told himself that he was doing it to allow Lan Zhan some time to process the information, but really he didn’t want to have to see the pain on his face. Denied twelve years with his son. It wasn’t fair.
Having taken A-Yuan to the park many times over the years, Wei Ying knew the parts that would be quiet, especially at this time of day. He towed Lan Zhan to a bench and flopped down, finally letting go of his wrist.
Lan Zhan looked at him, then sat down. It hadn’t worked; his eyes were still filled with pain and he didn’t wait to carry on asking questions. “When did you find out?”
Wei Ying drew his legs up so he was cross-legged on the bench, fiddling with his drink. “At four months.” He shrugged a shoulder. “Before that I thought it was due to having been almost homeless and semi-starving. I thought I’d caught something and couldn’t shake it.” He gave a humourless laugh, not able to look at Lan Zhan. “Then I felt better, but my clothes were tighter. I figured I was recovering from the whole thing. It was four months when I finally figured it out and did a test.”
“Did you write to me? To tell me?” Lan Zhan’s voice was low. Wei Ying finally looked up to meet Lan Zhan’s eyes and nodded. “And I didn’t write back, or call you.” Wei Ying shook his head. Lan Zhan’s jaw tightened and he looked frustrated.
Wei Ying reached out again to take his hand, hesitating as he did so. Lan Zhan closed the distance and pulled their joined hands to his lap.
“It wasn’t your fault,” Wei Ying said.
“I know.” Lan Zhan was looking down at their hands. “But you didn’t know that at the time. What you knew was that you told me you were pregnant with our child, and I didn’t even respond.”
Wei Ying couldn’t argue with that. He squeezed Lan Zhan’s hand again. A soft tear fell onto their joined fingers and Wei Ying just wanted to hug him.
Voice thick, scent apparently hidden behind his own blockers, Lan Zhan went on. “What happened next?”
“Lan Zhan –” Wei started to object, he didn’t want to hurt Lan Zhan more, but he was cut off.
“Please, Wei Ying.” He looked up at him. “I need to know.”
Wei Ying held his gaze, then nodded. “Okay. Well, I waited a few weeks. When I heard nothing, I wrote again, and again. Every month, giving you updates.” Lan Zhan closed his eyes again. “The last time I wrote was the week after A-Yuan was born. I sent a photo of him, telling you about him, and asking for you to please get in touch.” Wei Ying breathed through the remembered pain. “I said that it would be my last letter. That if you didn’t reply, I would leave you alone for good.”
“And I never replied.” Another tear ran down Lan Zhan’s cheek and Wei Ying couldn’t help reaching out to wipe it away with a thumb.
“It wasn’t your fault, Lan Zhan, you didn’t know.”
Lan Zhan shook his head, dislodging Wei Ying’s hand. “But you didn’t know that. You thought…”
“I thought wrong. I was wrong!” Wei Ying wiped at another tear on Lan Zhan’s cheek. Watching him in so much pain was unbearable. He wanted to rewind time and do everything different. “I thought that your uncle was right, that I was not good enough for you. A baby with your unmated omega friend at nineteen? How much would that hold you back? You never would have been able to focus on university, on your music.” Wei Ying shook his head. “I was a bad influence.”
As Wei Ying had been speaking, Lan Zhan’s expression shifted, his jaw getting firmer. “You were never a bad influence.” There was a raw anger in Lan Zhan’s tone that Wei Ying hadn’t heard for a long time. “You were my best friend. I would have given up anything else for you. You are worth everything.”
Wei Ying couldn’t stand it anymore. He pulled Lan Zhan into a crushing hug, Lan Zhan’s arms coming up to grip at his back and hold him just as tight. They rocked together, both holding on. Despite the blockers, Lan Zhan smelled as amazing as he ever had and the scent yanked Wei Ying back to memories of their teenhood, and of that wonderful night together. He scrunched his eyes closed and held on.
When Wei Ying got home he was wrung out. His head was pounding, and his heart felt broken all over again. Popo gave him a tea and a herb mixture that he mixed into a bath, then he soaked in it, thinking only about Lan Zhan.
Lan Zhan had asked Wei Ying if he would tell A-Yuan about him. Asked. Like Wei Ying could just say no, and Lan Zhan would respect that. Would remain forever separated from his son, only seeing him once a week at some drama club. Never acknowledging anything.
Wei Ying had said he would tell A-Yuan, but asked for some time first. It felt unfair to ask for, to leave Lan Zhan knowing who A-Yuan was, yet unable to cross that bridge and acknowledge it. But telling A-Yuan meant confessing all of the ways in which Wei Ying had lied to him about his father. It meant such a big emotional journey for A-Yuan, and Wei Ying wanted to spare him that for just a few more weeks while Wei Ying wrapped his head around things. He couldn’t be there for his son if he was also trying so hard to manage his own emotions.
When they had parted, for a moment Wei Ying had thought that Lan Zhan was going to kiss him, but he just hugged him again instead. Wei Ying had been frustrated and relieved in equal measure. It was Lan Zhan, of course he wanted to be kissed by him. But he had also spent 13 years angry at him, and that was hard to put aside, no matter how many devastating conversations they had on park benches.
In the meantime, Lan Zhan had asked that they meet up later in the week to talk some more. He had given Wei Ying his address and asked him to bring photos of A-Yuan from through the years. Talking about A-Yuan was his absolute favourite thing to do in the world, and having such a captive and obsessively interested recipient was a dream, while it was also sure to be another emotional rollercoaster.
When Wei Ying finally got out of the bath, he was all wrinkly and pruney. He found A-Yuan lying on his bed, reading, and rubbed his wrinkly fingers against his soft cheek, making him laugh and complain at the same time. Then he hugged him, and left him to his book.
Lan Zhan’s apartment was just as lovely as Wei Ying would have imagined for him, but somehow also felt cold. Lan Zhan had always been an ordered person, but his apartment was so perfect it seemed to remove the sense of comfort and homeliness. He couldn’t help comparing it to the warm cosiness of home.
It made Wei Ying feel bad again. Thirteen years where Wei Ying had the Wens, had Popo’s care, his son, and a spacious, open home. Thirteen years where Lan Zhan had…not. Lan Zhan had his uncle’s rules, his order. He had Lan Huan, but both Lan brothers struggled to show affection, and certainly in the past, they had not shared their pain with each other. They didn’t talk or hug it out. There was no one to comfort Lan Zhan. To cajole him out of his rigidity.
He imagined A-Yuan in this space, even now when he was more teen than child. Was Lan Zhan really ready for the disruption that a child would bring to his life?
Wei Ying figured it was his job to prepare him and get him used to it.
While Lan Zhan served them tea, Wei Ying dragged out the multiple volumes of photo albums he had lugged across the city. He planted himself on the sofa just a little too close to Lan Zhan, so their thighs were touching. Lan Zhan should get used to touching; children thrived on affection and he had a lot to make up for. He knew that Lan Zhan was caring despite his austere demeanour, but A-Yuan would take time to learn that and could assume Lan Zhan didn’t care in the meantime.
Lan Zhan didn’t move away, so Wei Ying took it as a win.
“You have actual albums?” Lan Zhan ran a hand along the spine where Wei Ying’s messy handwriting had written ‘Volume 1’.
“Of course. I got a printer specifically.” He shifted the album so it was sitting across both of their laps. “Pictures on a phone or a computer just seem so much less real. Plus I could write things in an album.” He looked up at Lan Zhan. “Prepare yourself, Lan Zhan, I have been told by our son that I am embarrassing in my documentation of his childhood.”
Lan Zhan smiled slightly. “I can hear him saying that.”
Wei Ying laughed. It was still difficult to think of A-Yuan at drama club while not knowing that his Lan laoshi was actually his father. But Lan Zhan seemed to relish getting to see him, even if he couldn’t acknowledge him yet.
Wei Ying opened the album and started. The first pages were full of the far too many pictures he had taken of A-Yuan in the days and weeks after he was born. He had to admit that he really had been obsessed, taking a photo at every opportunity, fully recording every expression and move. There were at least ten where A-Yuan was just sleeping. Just that. But even now each one made Wei Ying smile. He looked up to see Lan Zhan smiling too.
The captions were varied.
First smile! Look at that face.
The expression could only, charitably, be called a smile. He remembered Wen Qing arguing with him that it was gas, but he had insisted. Looking at it now she was probably right.
A-Yuan being A-Yuan, i.e. the greatest child ever.
Just the truth.
First time he slept for more than three hours through the night!
Admittedly, Wei Ying had been somewhat sleep-deprived at that point, and updating the album while half-delirious.
Lan Zhan turned the pages slowly, occasionally reaching out to touch an image. When he turned another page, Wei Ying heard him take in a sharp breath.
He looks so much like his father here.
Wei Ying remembered writing it. And he did. He had grown past that newborn, scrunched face and he had looked so much like Lan Zhan. As he had got older A-Yuan looked more like a mix of both of them, definitely with Wei Ying’s smile, but when he was serious-faced as a baby he had been all Lan Zhan. It had been heartbreaking and exhilarating for Wei Ying to see.
Lan Zhan reached out and skirted the edge of the photo with his fingers. “I think he looks like my brother.”
Wei Ying laughed. “They didn’t call you the twin jades for nothing!” At Lan Zhan’s frown Wei Ying nudged him with his shoulder. “He looked like you. Your tiny little serious face.” Wei Ying grinned. “He still does when he’s annoyed at me, which is happening more and more as he gets older.” He gave a fake sigh. “His old baba’s ridiculousness isn’t so cool anymore.”
Lan Zhan gave him a sideways look. “It was never cool.”
Wei Ying gasped and grabbed at his chest. “You wound me! I was cool.”
“Hmmm.” Lan Zhan turned a page while Wei Ying laughed.
He leaned against Lan Zhan’s shoulder. “I missed you, Er-gege.”
Lan Zhan looked up, gaze soft. He looked back at the album, but also lifted his arm and wrapped it around Wei Ying’s shoulders, pulling him in. “I missed you too.”
Wei Ying let himself breathe in Lan Zhan’s rich alpha scent. Maybe he wouldn’t need so much teaching to get used to affection after all.
It had been at least four weeks since his first meeting with Lan Zhan when Wei Ying finally resolved to tell A-Yuan. He had seen Lan Zhan at least twice a week, either when A-Yuan was at school, or making up excuses and lies that had Wen Qing frowning at him, even while she happily babysat.
It had been long enough. It wasn’t fair to A-Yuan to keep putting it off, and Lan Zhan, despite never pushing or mentioning it, was clearly waiting with baited breath.
It was a Sunday afternoon when Wei Ying sat A-Yuan down on the little sofa in his bedroom. When he had been tiny, Wei Ying had rocked him to sleep there. A-Yuan was looking at him with concerned eyes. He was too intuitive; he knew that something had been going on with Wei Ying, yet he had waited. And now Wei Ying was going to confess to having lied to him for his entire life.
“Okay, Radish, I need to talk to you about your other father.”
The automatic exasperation at the nickname morphed into surprise on A-Yuan’s face. ‘Really?”
Wei Ying nodded. “Do you remember what I told you about him?”
A-Yuan huffed. “You told me he was a magical man made of music who came to you and gave you the gift of a son.” His voice was thick with amused sarcasm, making Wei Ying laugh. “I figured out that wasn’t true a long time ago.”
Wei Ying’s laugh tapered off. “Well, no, not entirely.” He tilted his head. “Although, he is magically good at music, and you were the best gift ever.” He ruffled A-Yuan’s hair.
“Ba,” A-Yuan objected, making Wei Ying laugh again.
He took a deep breath. “So your other father, your A-die, he was –” Wei Ying broke off. He wanted A-Yuan to have the explanation first. “I wrote to him about you and he never wrote back.” A-Yuan’s face fell and Wei Ying rushed on. “But it turns out he never got the letters.”
A-Yuan frowned at that. “How many letters did you send?”
Wei Ying waved that question away. “So I thought that he didn’t want to be involved in raising you, but he thought that I didn’t want to talk to him anymore, and didn’t even know–” Wei Ying swallowed down the lump in his throat. “He didn’t know–”
“He didn’t know I existed,” A-Yuan finished. Wei Ying nodded at him, reaching out to grip his hand.
Wei Ying tried to get himself back under control as he watched A-Yuan’s face go through a series of journeys. When he could speak again he cleared his throat. “He found out about you recently.”
A-Yuan looked up with a strange look in his eyes. “Baba, is it Lan laoshi?”
Wei Ying took a sharp breath. “Yes. Yes, it’s Lan Zhan.”
A-Yuan’s face seemed to shift through several phases before crumpling as he started to cry. Wei Ying made a distressed sound and moved in to pull him into a hug, holding him close and rocking him like he hadn’t done in years.
Through his tears, Wei Ying heard A-Yuan say something, muffled against his chest. He leaned back and made a questioning sound.
Still pressed against him, A-Yuan spoke again. “I like him, Baba.” He sniffed hard. “I like him so much.”
“I know.” Wei Ying kept rocking him. “I know, Radish. He likes you too. He liked you so much before he even knew who you were.”
“Really?” The bare hope in A-Yuan’s voice was too much and tears finally started to fall from Wei Ying’s eyes.
“Of course! Haven’t I told you that you’re the world’s greatest kid? I wouldn’t lie.” They were both sniffling now and Wei Ying reached out to grab tissues from the box on the side, handing one to A-Yuan.
They both cleaned themselves up a little, A-Yuan finally pulling away. He looked down, then back up at Wei Ying. “You said he was your friend?”
Wei Ying nodded. “The best friend ever. I loved him so much, it was so hard to leave him behind.”
“And then you always thought that he didn’t want…?”
“Yeah,” Wei Ying said. “But I was wrong. He didn’t get my letters, my photo of you.” He wanted to really make that clear to A-Yuan. He had to know that Lan Zhan hadn’t ignored his existence on purpose. “He only just found out about you.”
A-Yuan nodded, clearly still thinking. “Was it that day in the hospital?” He was such an insightful kid.
“Well, not quite. He found out I had a son that day, and that I was your Ba. But he couldn’t have been sure exactly how old you were, so you could have been someone else’s.” A-Yuan gave him a look that was far too grown up for a twelve year old and Wei Ying pulled a face. “I told him about you a few weeks ago. We’ve met up a couple of times to talk things through.”
“Why did you wait so long?” A-Yuan of course knew it had been two months since the hospital.
Wei Ying bit his lip. He really hadn’t anticipated that this would be the hardest part to confess. “I wasn’t sure if I was going to tell him at first.”
A-Yuan looked suitably horrified. “Why not?”
Wei Ying sighed. “Alright, look, I was always going to tell him, okay?” A-Yuan was still frowning. “I just – it was so difficult to know that I would be breaking his heart.” His throat felt tight again. “I was going to be telling him that this great kid of mine, that he thought was brilliant after only a few weeks of knowing him, was actually his son.” Wei Ying shook his head. “That he had missed out on seeing him for twelve years because of – well.” Wei Ying took a steadying breath. “And I knew I would have to tell you, and I didn’t want you, of all people, to have to find out that you didn’t get your - “ he swallowed “ - didn’t get your A-die in your life because I didn’t trust him enough to keep trying to contact him.”
Wei Ying rubbed at his eyes with his palms until A-Yuan pulled his hands away from his face. “You didn’t know, Baba.” Wei Ying shook his head. “Come on, if I was messaging someone who never contacted me back I’d give up too! You didn’t know.”
Hearing A-Yuan saying the same things that Lan Zhan had said to him made Wei Ying laugh wetly. “You sound like Lan Zhan.”
A-Yuan barked a laugh. “Well, I guess that makes sense.”
They laughed together for a few moments, before A-Yuan paused.
“Oh.” He looked at Wei Ying. “What do I call him now?”
Wei Ying nudged him with his shoulder. “Whatever you want. You can still call him Lan laoshi –” A-Yuan pulled a face like he didn’t like that. “Or gege, or Lan Zhan, or, if you want to, A-die. Whatever makes you comfortable.”
A-Yuan thought about it for a few moments. “I want to call him A-die.” Wei Ying nodded. “But that feels weird, too.”
“Yeah, it definitely will be at first,” Wei Ying agreed.
“He’s my drama club music teacher!” A-Yuan shook his head. “I can’t just suddenly start calling him ‘A-die’.”
Wei Ying put out a hand to him. “It’s okay! You don’t have to call him anything that makes you feel uncomfortable.”
“I want to, though,” A-Yuan said, stubborn.
“Okay,” Wei Ying said. “Fine. So we’ll figure it out. I’ll start referring to him as your A-die, and we can go from there. The rest you can do at whatever pace you want.”
A-Yuan still looked concerned. “What does… A-d, um, Lan laoshi want?”
“He wants whatever makes you most comfortable, Radish, he told me so himself.” He nodded reassurance at A-Yuan. “He knows I’m telling you and would like to spend some more time with us, get to know you, but only if you want that.”
A-Yuan nodded through tears starting to flow again. “I want that. I do, Baba, I want it.” He swiped at the tears on his cheeks, making him seem like a little boy again.
“Okay! Then we’ll make it happen. You just tell me if there’s anything you’re not happy about. Lan Zhan, your A-die, really wants to make sure that you know that from him, as well as me, that whatever happens is only what you feel comfortable with, okay?” A-Yuan nodded again. “Good.” Wei Ying hugged him, then handed him another tissue.
A-Yuan wiped his eyes, blew his nose. He took a deep breath, clearly still thinking about things. He nodded, like he was agreeing with something only in his head. Twelve was such an odd age. He was still such a boy, but bits of teenager and grown up would sometimes peek through.
“Ba,” A-Yuan said. “Does this make Jingyi my cousin?”
“Oh.” Wei Ying considered. “Um, maybe? I don’t know, I don’t know how closely related to Lan Zhan he is.”
A-Yuan nodded at this. “Okay. Because it would be cool to have some cousins I can see.” He only ever got pictures of Jin Ling, living up in Beijing. Something else seemed to occur to him. “Oh, what other family has Lan – A-die – Lan laoshi got?”
Wei Ying leaned back. “Well, he’s got an older brother, Lan Huan, your Bobo. They were both raised by their uncle.”
“His parents…?” A-Yuan asked.
Wei Ying shook his head. “They both died when A-die was young.”
“Like you?”
“Similar,” Wei Ying said. A-Yuan nodded again, face serious. “Okay.” Wei Ying stood up. “Right, come on, let's go and get some baobing. You can have a think about things, and ask me any questions you want to.”
“Okay.” A-Yuan stood up. “When will we see… Lan laoshi?”
They traipsed down the stairs. “Well, I was thinking we could invite him to dinner, what do you think?”
They reached the bottom and started putting on shoes.
“As long as you don’t cook,” A-Yuan joked.
“Cheek!” Wei Ying poked his head. “Of course I won’t cook.”
A-Yuan laughed and everything felt like it was manageable.
When they got back, full of sugar, and everyone was cosied up in front of the tv, Wei Ying messaged Lan Zhan.
Wei Ying: I told him.
The response back was immediate. Lan Zhan had clearly been waiting, even though Wei Ying hadn’t told him exactly when he had been planning to have the talk. It made him feel a little bad for not messaging straight away, but then he had been out with A-Yuan and wouldn’t have been able to focus on one or the other.
Lan Zhan: What did he say? Is he okay?
Wei Ying smiled.
Wei Ying: He said he likes you. He was really happy that you’re his A-die.
The typing icon came up, went away, came back. Wei Ying rubbed at his lips, almost smiling, but also feeling heartache for Lan Zhan, trying to deal with it all.
Wei Ying: You don’t have to reply right now if you’re feeling overwhelmed. I’ll still be here.
The typing icon went away and Wei Ying focused on the show Popo had on, some variety show. Next to him A-Yuan was curled up close, messaging on his own phone, but sitting nearer than he usually did nowadays.
“Ba.” A-Yuan’s voice was quiet, just for him. “Can I tell Jingyi? And my friends at school?”
Wei Ying hummed. “I’m pretty sure that will be fine.”
A-Yuan nodded. “Can you ask…A-die?”
Wei Ying smiled and rested his head on top of A-Yuan’s. “Sure.”
He picked up his phone.
Wei Ying: A-Yuan wants to know if he can tell other people, like Jingyi.
The typing icon popped straight up,
Lan Zhan: He can tell whoever he wants.
Wei Ying tilted his phone down to look at A-Yuan. “A-die says you can tell whoever you want.”
A-Yuan beamed. “Jingyi’s going to be so jealous. He knows how much I like Lan laoshi and him teaching us music, so he talks about him being his cousin all the time.”
Wei Ying cackled.
Wei Ying: He’s bragging to Jingyi, now. A-die beats cousin!
Lan Zhan: He really is happy that it’s me?
Wei Ying sighed an amused, sad laugh.
Wei Ying: Of course. He guessed it was you, then cried because he was so happy, because he likes you a lot. When I told him that you liked him before you even knew he was your son, he cried again.
Lan Zhan: Wei Ying.
Wei Ying could almost hear him saying it. He suddenly wished Lan Zhan was there with them, curled up on the sofa too, folded into his family and comforted. Wei Ying could hug him close too.
Wei Ying: I know, Lan Zhan. I know. I’m sorry I’m not there with you to hug you. But you should come by for dinner the day after tomorrow, okay? I’ll hug you all you need then.
The reply came straight through.
Lan Zhan: Thank you. I will be there.
Lan Zhan pushed through the door to the shop just as they were packing up for the day. Wei Ying raised a hand to wave but couldn’t get any words out before Popo bustled over.
“Hmmm, so you’re the young man, are you? My grandson’s A-die?” Her gaze was piercing.
Lan Zhan, to his credit, maintained his composure and bowed. “Yes. I am A-Yuan’s fuqin.”
Popo nodded, then turned a wicked smile on Wei Ying. “You never said he was so good looking. Aiyo, you chose some good genetics for our boy.” She patted Wei Ying on the cheek. “Well done, well done.”
Wei Ying laughed, face flushing red. Lan Zhan seemed to be suppressing a smile and ducked his head.
There was a clatter from the direction of the stairs, tucked behind a heavy curtain, then a suspicious quiet. Wei Ying pressed his lips together to stem more laughter at A-Yuan, so excited and so nervous.
He walked over to the curtain and peeked his head through. “Hey.”
A-Yuan was standing shifting from foot to foot. “Is he here?”
Wei Ying nodded. “Yeah. Come on through.”
A-Yuan’s eyes were wide, but Wei Ying ducked back into the shop. He had to choose to come through on his own. Luckily it was only a few seconds before the curtain twitched aside and A-Yuan slunk out, sidling up to Wei Ying and gripping his arm.
Lan Zhan’s eyes lit up at the sight of A-Yuan, seeming to drink him in. “Hello, A-Yuan.”
“Uh, hi Lan laoshi. Um, I mean –” A-Yuan’s voice went really low. “A-die.” He blushed the darkest red Wei Ying had ever seen on him.
Wei Ying took pity on them both and he patted A-Yuan on the back. “Come on, go help Popo close the last cabinets and then we’ll take your A-die upstairs and show him around.”
A-Yuan, given something to do, immediately sprang into action and made Popo laugh with his enthusiasm to help her out. She poked at him, making him laugh, too, and Wei Ying watched the subtle play of yearning joy in Lan Zhan’s face.
The shop all locked up, Wei Ying led Lan Zhan through to take off his shoes and directed A-Yuan to get his slippers. A-Yuan handed them over, still not quite able to meet Lan Zhan’s eyes. “We got them for you yesterday.”
“A-Yuan chose them,” Wei Ying added. A-Yuan looked at Wei Ying like he’d betrayed him. Wei Ying made a, ‘What?’ gesture. “You did!”
A-Yuan hemmed, then said, “I know you like blue a lot,” like he was confessing to some crime.
Wei Ying stifled a laugh, but Lan Zhan handled it all perfectly. “Thank you, A-Yuan. That is really thoughtful; I do like blue a lot.”
He couldn’t decide who looked more pleased, A-Yuan or Lan Zhan.
Wei Ying led them up the stairs and, once in the hall, he asked A-Yuan to explain the layout of the house to Lan Zhan. A-Yuan again looked betrayed, but started pointing out doors to Lan Zhan, explaining where the big kitchen-dining room was, the lounge, the Wens’ bedrooms, all unusually big for a city centre. As he spoke, he seemed to grow less nervous, to seem more at home. Wei Ying felt quite a bit smug about it.
When they reached the next stairs up, A-Yuan looked at Wei Ying for confirmation to carry on. Wei Ying nodded.
“Our part is up here, mine and Ba’s rooms, and our bathroom.” A-Yuan started up the stairs. “We have our own, which is great, because Baba takes way too long to get ready and Qing-ayi would kill him if they had to share.”
Wei Ying made a feint to reach out and tickle A-Yuan, making him giggle and jerk out of the way, nearly knocking into Lan Zhan.
Lan Zhan reached out a hand to steady A-Yuan. “Mn, I remember.”
A-Yuan looked up at Lan Zhan with delighted eyes.
“What?” Wei Ying said.
Lan Zhan looked amused. “I recall arriving at your house, only to wait for you to finish getting ready.”
Wei Ying opened his mouth, then closed it again.
A-Yuan broke into peals of laughter, far more than Wei Ying was sure it deserved. “How long did you have to wait?” A-Yuan asked.
“I think the longest was more than an hour.” Lan Zhan was definitely playing up the moment.
“No way!” Wei Ying exclaimed. “Fifteen minutes, tops.” Lan Zhan raised an eyebrow at him and Wei Ying couldn’t help laughing. “Well, it was your fault anyway.” A-Yuan and Lan Zhan both tilted their heads in question at him, in charming echoes of each other. Wei Ying flashed a cheeky smile at Lan Zhan. “I had to look my best for Lan-er-gege.”
“Ba,” A-Yuan objected, making Wei Ying laugh harder. “Gross!”
Lan Zhan’s gaze went intense on Wei Ying, then flickered away. “Hmmm.”
“Anyway, my bedroom is down here.” A-Yuan led them along the hall, making a vague gesture at Wei Ying’s room, and telling Lan Zhan about the plan to buy the building next door. “We’re going to expand the shop downstairs, and we’ll have double the space in the house too. That way Qing-ayi’s girlfriend can move in, and Baba says I can have a music room.
A-Yuan led them into his bedroom. He’d tidied his room to within an inch of its life, though he was a naturally neat person, definitely more like Lan Zhan than Wei Ying. Lan Zhan commented on the instruments and the two of them were off. Wei Ying could play, but A-Yuan definitely got his deep love of stringed instruments from Lan Zhan.
Wei Ying let them talk together, sitting out of the way on the sofa when Lan Zhan perched on the end of A-Yuan’s bed and listened to A-Yuan tell him all about his music lessons. He saw the moment that A-Yuan figured something out and looked up from where he was kneeling over his violin case.
“Baba always said that my A-die, that you, were a magical man made of music, which is why I love music so much.” He looked at Lan Zhan, at Wei Ying, then back, a pleased smile on his face.
The soft smile on Lan Zhan’s face was beautiful to see. Wei Ying saw him swallow and nod. When he spoke, his voice was thick. “I am so happy that I could at least give you that, even if I couldn’t be here for you every day as I would have wanted.”
Wei Ying shifted over to sit next to Lan Zhan and wrapped an arm around him, pressing close and resting his head on his shoulder. A-Yuan blinked back some tears and leaned in like he was going to hug too, then hesitated. Lan Zhan lifted his other arm in invitation and A-Yuan crashed into them, arms around them both, clearly crying, but burying his face in their chests to hide it.
Wei Ying checked the calendar, then checked again and groaned.
“What is it?” Lan Zhan asked.
“It’s my heat.” Wei Ying kicked out at a hapless stray sock on the floor. “It’s due on Friday.”
“Ah.” Lan Zhan sounded sympathetic.
Wei Ying sighed. “It’s fine, you guys can go without me.” He tried to sound upbeat. In truth, he didn’t care about seeing the film, but he did want to spend time with Lan Zhan and A-Yuan. It did something to his heart to have them together with him. And he had always wanted more from Lan Zhan.
Lan Zhan made a sound of agreement. “What will happen with A-Yuan?”
“Wen Qing usually goes to stay with her girlfriend.” He and Wen Qing had never been interested in each other, but an alpha in the house when he was in heat just made it more difficult, as well as unpleasant for her. “Popo and Wen Ning look after A-Yuan.”
There was quiet for a few moments on the other end of the line. “May I – would A-Yuan want to stay with me? If you were in agreement?”
Lan Zhan sounded so hesitant that Wei Ying almost laughed. “Are you kidding? He would be thrilled!”
He could almost feel Lan Zhan’s pleased smile down the phone. “And you would be comfortable with that?”
Wei Ying brought a hand to his chest to rub at his sternum. “Of course. Lan Zhan, you’re his A-die. There’s no one else I trust more than you.”
The quiet hum of happiness from Lan Zhan was wonderful.
A-Yuan was, as predicted, delighted at the prospect of staying with Lan Zhan. Wei Ying wondered why he hadn’t suggested it sooner, but in his heart of hearts he knew it was because he was selfish. He loved that A-Yuan was getting to spend time with his A-die, but he also desperately wanted to spend time with Lan Zhan, too. And when it was the three of them he could pretend that they were a bonded family, something that made his heart sing and ache in equal measure.
On Thursday evening, Lan Zhan picked up A-Yuan, along with his things for school and club on Saturday. Wei Ying was deep into pre-heat and he felt quietly pleased at how Lan Zhan hesitated, then stared at Wei Ying when he caught his scent. Wen Qing had already left earlier in the day so Wei Ying had deliberately only lightly applied his scent blockers. It wouldn’t affect Popo as another omega, Wen Ning as a beta, or A-Yuan as unpresented. But he hadn’t been able to help the thought of Lan Zhan smelling him, scenting that he was in pre-heat.
When they were younger, after they had both presented, Wei Ying had delighted in making Lan Zhan react by suggesting that they could help each other out through their respective heats and ruts. Even when Lan Zhan had changed from glaring and stalking off when Wei Ying needled him to raising an eyebrow and teasing back, that subject had never ceased to get a rise out of him. Wei Ying had always joked that Lan Zhan was against sex, but he had proven the lie in that very effectively.
Now Wei Ying couldn’t help teasing a little more. And the intense stares Lan Zhan had levelled at him were both a pleasure and a taunt. In his pre-heat Lan Zhan smelled even more wonderful than usual and every instinct in his body was screaming at him to drag the alpha back to his nest so he had a secured partner for his heat.
A-Yuan hugged him tight, grinning at the excitement of staying with Lan Zhan. “Bye, Baba. See you on Sunday.”
Wei Ying gripped him back in return. “Bye, Radish. Have a good time with your A-die.”
A-Yuan grabbed his school bag, his other bag already in Lan Zhan’s hand.
Wei Ying stepped close to Lan Zhan and touched his arm. “Thank you again, Lan Zhan.”
Lan Zhan’s nostrils widened and Wei Ying could swear that he saw his pupils actually dilate. “No need for thanks between us.” His jaw was tight as he said it.
Wei Ying let himself glance up through his lashes, knowing he shouldn’t be tempting Lan Zhan like this, but unable to help himself.
Lan Zhan turned away in a sudden jerk. “Let’s go.”
A-Yuan nodded happily and waved to Wei Ying. They left and Wei Ying slid down the wall to sit on the floor. He really shouldn’t have flirted like that with Lan Zhan, but no one had ever smelled so good, not before, and not in the years between.
His heat, when it arrived, passed in a blur, like it always did, though he did have a memory of trying to turn his phone on to call Lan Zhan, to make him come over and fill him up, fuck another baby into him. He had never been more glad of the heat app he had installed that stopped him from calling anyone but his designated emergency heat contact.
“I am going to tell my uncle and brother about A-Yuan,” Lan Zhan said.
It had been a few months of Lan Zhan spending time with A-Yuan and he had just driven them back from dinner. He always came in, squeezing his car in next to Wen Ning’s delivery moped. A-Yuan had retired to his bedroom, the teenager part of him in ascendance, and Wei Ying had offered Lan Zhan some tea. He always wanted Lan Zhan to stay for longer, and luckily Lan Zhan seemed to want to as well.
“Oh?” Wei Ying asked, trying to seem casual about it, but knowing he was failing.
“Mn. They are planning to visit me next week and I want to tell them while they are here.” Lan Zhan levelled a look at Wei Ying. “They will likely want to meet him.”
Wei Ying sighed, knowing it was true, but feeling anxious about it nonetheless. He could almost feel Lan Qiren’s judgemental stare. How would he treat A-Yuan? Would it be like he treated Wei Ying, as a troublemaker, or a troublemaker's son, at least? Or like he treated Lan Zhan and Lan Huan, full of rules and strictness? He didn’t want either of those things for A-Yuan.
But then it wasn’t his choice to make, really. A-Yuan deserved to at least meet his family if he wanted to.
“Yeah.” He sat down at the table with Lan Zhan. “I bet they will.” He sighed. “How do you think they will react?”
Lan Zhan shook his head. “I don’t know. I am pretty sure that Brother will be pleased for me, though regretful about the circumstances.” Wei Ying nodded. They were pretty regretful circumstances, to be fair. “Uncle–” Lan Zhan hesitated. “I am not sure. He has spoken of grandchildren often, trying to encourage Brother or I to settle down with an omega.”
Wei Ying smiled a little wanly. Of course Lan Qiren wanted his nephews to find lovely, non-troublesome omegas to finish off his perfect vision for them. Someone who hadn’t been kicked out at nineteen and fallen pregnant with no bondmate.
Wei Ying put his own feelings aside. “Do you think he will accept A-Yuan? I don’t want them to meet if your uncle is just going to be unpleasant to him because of who his father is.”
Lan Zhan gave Wei Ying a pointed look. “His father has always been worthy of being treated well. I would not allow my uncle to treat either of you poorly.” Even Lan Zhan’s scent intensified, as if to drive home the point.
Wei Ying couldn’t help but smile. “Do you want me to be there when you tell them?”
Lan Zhan’s eyebrows raised. “You would want that?”
Wei Ying shrugged a shoulder. “Sure. If you thought it would help, or if you wanted the moral support.”
Lan Zhan held his gaze, strangely intense. “I would like that.”
“Okay!” Wei Ying considered for a moment. “But we don’t tell A-Yuan yet. I don’t want to get his hopes up only to have your uncle disown him or something.”
Lan Zhan looked perturbed, but nodded. “Agreed.”
Wei Ying rubbed his hands together in a nervous gesture. “Right! Let’s tell your family.”
Lan Zhan put a hand over Wei Ying’s and they smiled at each other.
The following week, with A-Yuan out at his friend Ouyang Zizhen’s house, Wei Ying arrived at Lan Zhan’s apartment to find everyone already sitting in a slightly uncomfortable quiet. He hadn’t even turned up late, but the atmosphere still seemed heavy.
Even Lan Huan, the person Wei Ying had thought would be the easy one, seemed far more irate than Lan Qiren. Lan Qiren looked like he always did: displeased at the world and at Wei Ying in particular. Lan Huan, however, seemed unable to look at Wei Ying without extreme displeasure, and with his alpha scent, it was a clear aroma in the room.
Lan Zhan sat stiffly on the sofa next to Wei Ying and began. “I have something to tell you both.” The room seemed to get impossibly quieter. “I recently found out that I have a son, A-Yuan. He is twelve.”
Lan Qiren looked more shocked than Wei Ying had ever seen before. “A son? How?”
Lan Zhan gestured. “Wei Ying is his father. He was born after Wei Ying left Shanghai.” Lan Qiren’s gaze settled heavily on Wei Ying and Lan Huan shook his head. “He tried to contact me, but his communications went astray so I only found out about this recently.” Lan Zhan’s mouth ticked up at one corner. “You have a nephew and a great-nephew.”
“No.” The word burst out of Lan Huan, making them all jump. “No, he’s not your son.”
Wei Ying was taken aback. He had considered that Lan Qiren might object, but not Lan Huan.
“I assure you that he is,” Lan Zhan said, tone shades cooler.
Lan Huan stood up. “No. Look at the timing, A-Zhan. There was no way that the baby could be yours.” Wei Ying felt his jaw clench, but Lan Huan went on. “Shushu never let the two of you be alone together, and then he was gone, without even saying goodbye to you.” He looked at Wei Ying now. “Do you know how long he cried for you after you left without even a word? Do You know how devastated he was?” He looked back at Lan Zhan. “And now he says that some kid is your son and you just –” he waved a hand in frustration.
Lan Zhan, face expressionless, spoke in a low tone. “Wei Ying did say goodbye to me.”
“What?” It was Lan Qiren who spoke this time. “When?”
“The night he left.” Lan Zhan held Lan Huan’s gaze. “He climbed the tree outside my room and knocked on my window.” Lan Huan shook his head like he didn’t believe it, but Lan Zhan carried on. “He was planning to sleep on a bench in the train station and I could not allow that.” Lan Zhan glanced over at Wei Ying, then away again. “I offered for him to stay with me. I took advantage of him.”
Wei Ying reeled back in shock. “What? No, Lan Zhan, bullshit.”
Lan Zhan looked back at him. “You were vulnerable, just kicked out of your home, nowhere to stay, having to leave Shanghai. I should not have taken advantage of that situation.”
Wei Ying reached out and took his hand. “You didn’t, I swear. I liked you so much, Lan Zhan. When we kissed, I was so happy.” He leaned forward. “And hey, I got A-Yuan out of it, the greatest gift you could have given me.”
Lan Qiren looked incensed, like he wanted to punish this teenage infraction 13 years too late.
Lan Huan, however, looked distraught. “A-Zhan –” He shook his head. “It’s not – it’s not true.” Lan Zhan turned his face back to Lan Huan. “It can’t be true. You were so upset, you said it was because you hadn’t been able to say goodbye.”
“I couldn’t tell you the whole truth,” Lan Zhan said.
Wei Ying huffed a humourless laugh. “But I left at, like, 4am, without saying goodbye.” He shot Lan Zhan a half-smile. “I didn’t want to get you into trouble.”
Lan Zhan nodded. “It was the truth. Just not the whole truth.”
Lan Huan looked sick and he was filling the room with distressed scents. “So the baby –” He stuttered in a breath. “The baby really was yours.”
Wei Ying’s mouth opened in realisation just as Lan Zhan spoke. “What did you do?” Wei Ying had never heard him sound so dark.
Lan Huan sat down and covered his face with his hands, then scrubbed them up into his hair, gripping it. “He left you, without saying goodbye, without –” He swallowed, rubbed his mouth. “You were so upset for so long, then you were so quiet and… then, just as you seemed to be getting better, he wrote to you.”
“Fuck,” Wei Ying said. Lan Qiren didn’t even move his eyes off Lan Huan at the swear.
Lan Huan looked at him with desolate eyes, then back at Lan Zhan. “I recognised his handwriting. I was so angry. How dare he stir up all of those feelings again when you hadn’t even been important enough to say goodbye to?”
Lan Zhan’s face was stone, showing nothing, but his hands were clenched. “What did you do with the letters.” It wasn’t even really a question.
Lan Huan closed his eyes. “I burned the first two.” He licked his lips. “Then one came that had –” He broke off.
“I had written that it was urgent on the outside, and that it must be received.” Wei Ying remembered it so well, still somehow at that point thinking it might be a postal issue.
“A-Huan,” Lan Qiren breathed.
Lan Huan nodded. “I was livid, A-Zhan, I was so mad.” His voice kept breaking with emotion. “I ripped it open to see what was so important and there was, there was –”
“My first scan of A-Yuan.” Wei Ying felt so furious he almost circled back around to calm again.
Lan Huan finally broke and sobbed. “But I knew, I knew the baby couldn’t be yours. It couldn’t be, A-Zhan. He was, he was trying to manipulate you into writing back, or make you raise a baby that wasn’t yours.”
Wei Ying closed his eyes, the anger somehow draining away and leaving him hollow with it. What had he done so wrong as to make Lan Huan think he was that kind of person? He’d got Lan Zhan into trouble once at school, and clearly got himself into trouble, but how had Lan Huan come to think of him as capable of that?
Lan Zhan was silent so Wei Ying spoke. “What did you do with the photo of me and A-Yuan? When he was born.”
Lan Huan was a mess, tears running down his face, scents bathing the room in his misery. “I’m so sorry, A-Zhan, I’m sorry, I didn’t know.”
“What did you do with the photo?” Lan Zhan repeated.
Lan Huan wept, his words almost unintelligible. “I burned it. I burned everything.” He looked up at Lan Zhan. “To protect you A-Zhan, to save you from – from –”
Lan Zhan stood up and walked out of the room.
Wei Ying lurched to his feet to follow, but paused at the door to look back at Lan Huan. “I want you to think really hard about exactly what I did that was so bad that this was the punishment.” Lan Qiren looked at him like he might object, then frowned and looked at Lan Huan. “Because your judgement of me cost my son 12 years with his father.”
He left, following after Lan Zhan, who had made it as far as his hallway, pulling on his shoes. “Lan Zhan.” Lan Zhan turned ravaged eyes on him and Wei Ying couldn’t help crashing into him, clinging to him, clutching him close. “Lan Zhan, fuck.”
Lan Zhan held on to him like he was a life raft, ragged breaths rough against Wei Ying’s neck. Wei Ying rocked him for a moment before Lan Zhan spoke. “May I stay at your house?” His voice was low and wrecked.
“Of course, Lan Zhan, you’re always welcome there. A-Yuan would love it. I’d love it.” He let go of Lan Zhan to grab his own shoes. “Let’s go.”
Lan Zhan gestured vaguely. “My things.”
Wei Ying shook his head. “No need. You can borrow mine and then I can come back with Wen Ning and get anything else you need until you’re ready.”
Lan Zhan reached down to grip Wei Ying’s hand and they left the apartment together.
When they arrived at the shop it was already closed up for the evening. Wei Ying let them into the darkness, still keeping hold of Lan Zhan’s hand. He only loosed it to lock back up behind them.
They got their slippers on and Wei Ying led Lan Zhan upstairs. Hearing him back, A-Yuan ducked his head out of the living room and beamed when he saw Lan Zhan as well.
“Hi! You’re both here!”
Wei Ying smiled at A-Yuan’s enthusiasm and saw Lan Zhan’s mouth tilt up. Wei Ying tugged A-Yuan into a hug, enfolding him between him and Lan Zhan, who leaned into it. He needed it. A-Yuan, sweet boy that he was, was a sucker for chances to get hugs from Lan Zhan, who he was still learning how to be around them. He gripped on to both of them.
Wei Ying placed a kiss on the top of A-Yuan’s head. “Hey, so A-die’s going to stay with us for a little while, okay?”
A-Yuan pulled back, eyes wide with happiness. “Really?” At Wei Ying’s nod, A-Yuan did a little clap, making him look like a young boy again. Lan Zhan huffed and pulled him back in for another hug, both of them scrunching their eyes closed and making Wei Ying’s heart flip-flop.
When they broke apart, A-Yuan still with a pleased flush, Wei Ying ruffled his hair. “Go on, go back to what you were doing. I’ll get A-die comfy and come and join you.”
“Are you going to join us, A-die?” A-Yuan sounded hopeful. “We’re watching our stories.” He offered it like a treat other people might not get, which was so cute to see.
“A-die’s a little under the weather, so we’ll see how he feels, okay?”
A-Yuan nodded, still beaming, and almost skipped back into the living room. Lan Zhan looked after him with a fond look on his face. Then he seemed to remember and the smile slipped away. Wei Ying reached down and squeezed his hand.
Upstairs Wei Ying grabbed some clothes that he thought would fit Lan Zhan. Their heights weren’t too different, and while Lan Zhan was broader, Wei Ying liked his comfortable clothes to be slouchy and loose. He gave them to Lan Zhan with a towel and showed him how the shower worked.
“Get clean and get comfy, okay?” Wei Ying said. Lan Zhan nodded, still looking blank, his jaw clenching and unclenching.
Wei Ying changed the bedding, then sat on the end of his bed trying to think about nothing and failing until Lan Zhan came back, damp and cosy-looking, holding his day clothes. Wei Ying ducked forward to grab them and toss them into his laundry basket to distract himself from how good Lan Zhan looked. And from how good he smelled, all scrubbed clean with Wei Ying’s own products. He smelled even more like home, an instinct Wei Ying felt he really should curtail.
“Uh, so, would you rather have some time alone? Spend some time up here? There’s a great balcony that overlooks the back and it’s a pretty warm evening.” Wei Ying knew he was probably babbling at least a little. He hadn’t seen Lan Zhan so undone since they were teenagers, and it hit a little different when they were two adults in Wei Ying’s bedroom than it had when caught fleetingly on supervised school trips.
“What do you usually do on evenings like this?” Lan Zhan asked.
“Well, like A-Yuan said, we watch different shows. Popo loves wuxia and xianxia and she sort of indoctrinated us all into them.”
Lan Zhan nodded, like it was decided. “Then I will join you.”
“Okay!” Wei Ying knew he sounded a little high-pitched. “Cool. Cool, cool. Cool.”
When they walked into the living room, everyone was already seated watching something, A-Yuan grinned and shifted excitedly to give Lan Zhan room to sit on the other side of him from where Wei Ying usually sat. Wei Ying smiled at him over A-Yuan’s head and they settled in, A-Yuan’s still-high voice explaining bits of plot and background to Lan Zhan during key moments. Wei Ying hoped it was a welcome distraction from the roiling mess of emotions he knew Lan Zhan must be going through.
To give him his due, Lan Zhan displayed complete interest and something about seeing his head, tilted down with perfect attention to listen to A-Yuan, made Wei Ying’s pulse rush. With all of the events of the evening, it felt more difficult to compose himself and he saw Wen Qing inhale, then turn to give him an amused look. He pulled a face at her and tried to get himself under control.
They watched a few episodes of some shows, Wen Ning grabbing them snacks between episodes, before Wei Ying checked the time.
“Time for bed, Radish.” He poked A-Yuan who sighed, but nodded and got up. “Remember to brush your teeth.”
A-Yuan tutted. “It was one time, Ba.” He went over to kiss Popo’s hair while she patted his face.
Wei Ying laughed and held his arms out for a goodnight hug. A-Yuan rolled his eyes and said goodnight to Wen Ning and Wen Qing first, before finally giving in and laughing as Wei Ying dragged him into a crushing hug on his lap, rocking him like he was still five.
When Wei Ying finally let him back to his feet, A-Yuan turned with slight awkwardness to Lan Zhan. He seemed to take a breath then leaned in, wrapping his arms around Lan Zhan’s shoulders and hugging him.
“Good night, A-die.”
Lan Zhan’s arms came straight up to hug A-Yuan, leaning into it, and even after A-Yuan ducked his head, still blushing, and scurried out of the room, Wei Ying could see the look of pleasure on Lan Zhan’s face.
Wei Ying leaned back with a sigh, shifting closer to Lan Zhan. “I remember when he wanted me to come and tuck him in every night. When he wanted a story, and for me to check there weren’t monsters under the bed. And now if I even get up to check he’s brushed his teeth I’m being some overbearing parent.” He smiled at Lan Zhan and nudged him with his shoulder. Lan Zhan turned his small, pleased smile to Wei Ying, who could see the pain still there.
They both settled back and Wei Ying took over explaining the plots to Lan Zhan.
It was just after nine when he noticed that Lan Zhan was starting to drift off. He was trying to hide it, but his head would droop slightly, then snap back up.
Wei Ying patted him on the thigh. “Come on, it’s clearly bedtime for Lans.”
Wen Qing had already taken herself off twenty minutes before, probably to call Mianmian, so Wei Ying got up and waved to Popo and Wen Ning. He turned to tug on Lan Zhan’s hand. “I’ll show you where you’re sleeping.”
Lan Zhan stood up and said a far too formal goodnight. Popo looked amused, but she was too nice to make fun. Yet.
Wei Ying led Lan Zhan up to Wei Ying’s bedroom and got some extra blankets out of the cupboard in case Lan Zhan was a cold sleeper. He laid them out at the bottom of the bed and stood back with his hands on his hips. “Okay.”
Lan Zhan looked at him, then at the blankets. “Where will I sleep?”
“Oh, in here.” He gestured to his bed. “I changed the sheets for you earlier, so you should be comfortable enough, but you can come and grab me if you need anything.”
Lan Zhan frowned. “Where will you sleep?”
Wei Ying gestured. “On the sofa. It’s really comfy, I’ve slept there loads of times. When A-Yuan was little, sometimes he would decide that cartoons at 4am were necessary and his poor Baba would nap while he curled up with me to watch them.” He smiled at the memory.
Lan Zhan nodded decisively. “Then I will sleep on the sofa.” At Wei Ying’s sound of objection Lan Zhan went on. “I will not oust you from your bed to let me stay.”
Wei Ying held out his hands. “Come on, be reasonable. This makes much more sense. You go to bed much earlier; Popo will still be up watching her shows.” He shook his head. “This makes much more sense.”
“I will wait up, until the household has all gone to bed.”
Wei Ying laughed. “Lan Zhan, you were just falling asleep already. It’s fine!”
Lan Zhan looked like he wanted to argue. He looked at the bed, face set. “Then… could we share?”
Wei Ying’s eyebrows went up. “Would you be okay with that?”
“Would you be?” Lan Zhan asked.
Wei Ying pointed at him. “I asked first.”
“I would not have mentioned it if it was not an option I was comfortable with.” Lan Zhan lifted his chin. “But it is your bed, your home.”
Wei Ying spread his hands. “Hey, I’m fine with it if you are.” He was more than fine with it. The thought of Lan Zhan in his bed was wonderful. A little too wonderful. He would have to make sure that he kept his hands to himself and didn’t make Lan Zhan feel awkward or anything.
There was the dance of preparing for bed, and negotiating which side Lan Zhan would sleep on. Wei Ying tried to make Lan Zhan choose, but Lan Zhan refused to, saying he wanted to sleep whichever side Wei Ying usually didn’t. Lan Zhan climbed into bed and Wei Ying joined him, prompting a slightly odd look. “Is this your usual time for bed?”
Wei Ying felt himself colour. He hadn’t thought about it and just climbed into bed with Lan Zhan. “Uh, I’m pretty tired tonight.”
Lan Zhan nodded. “Mn. It was a long day.”
“Yeah.” It was a lie. Wei Ying wasn’t in the slightest bit tired, but he did want to lie there in bed next to Lan Zhan, with his rich scent and warmth. Lan Zhan lay on his back and Wei Ying switched off the lamp. He curled up next to him, but facing away, so he hopefully wouldn’t follow his nose to drape himself over Lan Zhan in the night.
Wei Ying anticipated lying awake for hours until he was sleepy, but Lan Zhan spoke.
“Wei Ying, I’m sorry.” His voice was low in the darkness.
Wei Ying shifted, turning slightly. “Hmm?”
“I'm sorry.”
Wei Ying turned over until he was facing Lan Zhan. “What are you apologising for? I said it was fine to share.”
He heard rather than saw Lan Zhan shake his head. “I’m sorry for what my brother did to you. To A-Yuan.”
Wei Ying closed his eyes at the rush of emotions. “Lan Zhan, no. You don’t apologise to me for that.”
“He is my brother,” Lan Zhan said, voice thick.
Wei Ying reached out, hands fumbling towards Lan Zhan’s voice and found his face, cradling it. “And he did it to you. I had A-Yuan. You had no one.”
He felt Lan Zhan swallow. “But – he did it to protect me, because I had not been honest. If I had told them –”
“No,” Wei Ying bit out. Lan Zhan jerked slightly at his tone. “It’s not your fault –” Wei Ying sighed in frustration, trying to find the right words. “And it’s not a competition over who had it the worst, okay? It was shit for me thinking you didn’t care, it was shit for you thinking I didn’t care. It was awful for me to have to raise A-Yuan without you when it wasn’t necessary. It was awful that you didn’t get to see him when you should have.” He stroked at Lan Zhan’s cheeks, then let his hands stroke down to his shoulders, pulling him in closer. “We were both hurt by what your brother did. He didn’t mean to, but he did. You don’t get to take on his guilt just because you’re his brother.”
Lan Zhan’s arms came up to pull Wei Ying even closer, enfolding him into his arms. “Then you don’t get to take on the guilt because he did it to protect me from you.”
“If I had just been better, though, Yu-ayi wouldn’t have kicked me out, and your brother would never have –”
It was Lan Zhan’s turn to cut him off. “No, no Wei Ying. Please. You didn’t deserve either of those things. Please don't take the guilt either.”
Wei Ying laughed wryly. “So no guilt for either of us.” Lan Zhan shook his head. “Okay, I can do that.” He wasn’t sure he could, but he could try for Lan Zhan. “We move forward from here.”
They curled close, breath mingling, their scents combining into something good, something comforting. Something that, despite the emotional turmoil of the day, despite having Lan Zhan in his bed, let Wei Ying drift off to sleep.
Lan Zhan ignored Lan Huan’s calls and messages for days. Wei Ying saw him checking his phone when it buzzed, but every time he turned his face away.
A-Yuan was delighted to have them both there, especially as he and Lan Zhan were both early risers. Wei Ying adored waking up to find them in the kitchen, Lan Zhan making breakfast for the household with A-Yuan as his assistant. He already knew a lot from helping the others cook, but the sight of him and Lan Zhan there together, heads bent in that exact same way, always made it feel like Wei Ying’s chest was going to overflow with love.
Night time was a trial, but one that Wei Ying was absolutely prepared to cope with. Lan Zhan was there because he needed somewhere to stay, he needed family and comfort. He wasn't there to fulfil Wei Ying’s needs, which tried to raise their head every night at the mix of their shared scents.
Wei Ying was prepared to soldier through. He hoped that maybe, one day, they might reconnect as more. But he wouldn’t push, especially not right at that moment.
His determination lasted until he woke from a familiar dream, the one of Lan Zhan on top of him, around him, inside him. He gasped awake to Lan Zhan’s face hovering close by. The details were unclear in the dark, but his strong scent of arousal was unmistakable. It mirrored Wei Ying’s.
“Wei Ying.” Lan Zhan’s voice was heavy in the darkness as he leaned over Wei Ying.
“Lan Zhan,” Wei Ying breathed. “I was dreaming about you.”
Lan Zhan leaned closer. “What were you dreaming?”
Wei Ying huffed out a laugh. “What I always dream about you.”
“Wei Ying.” Lan Zhan sounded desperate and Wei Ying couldn't help it. He leaned in and kissed Lan Zhan, making a soft sound when Lan Zhan immediately kissed him back.
Just like that night more than thirteen years before, Lan Zhan rolled them until he was lying on top of Wei Ying. They kissed like they were drowning. Between kisses Lan Zhan said his name like it was a benediction, like he was reminding himself that Wei Ying was there.
“Shhhhh, shhhhh, Lan Zhan, I’m here,” Wei Ying said. He ran his hands up into Lan Zhan's hair and held him, gripped him as they kissed more. “I’m here.”
“You’re here,” Lan Zhan repeated. Every part of him was hard against Wei Ying, in the best possible way. Wei Ying wrapped his legs around Lan Zhan’s waist and rocked against him, trying to be quiet despite how good it felt. A-Yuan was a heavy sleeper, but he didn’t really want to test that theory right then.
Lan Zhan moved against him, kissed him, bit at his lower lip. His scent was overwhelming and suffused the room, filling Wei Ying’s lungs with his desire. He pushed his hands down into Wei Ying’s sleep shorts, gripping his behind and using the leverage to thrust their bodies tighter together.
As his fingers drifted further in, Wei Ying almost keened at the touch. He wanted it so, so badly.
“Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan,” he breathed. “Are you going to fuck me?” Lan Zhan’s hands pushed Wei Ying’s shorts down off his hips. “Are you going to fuck another baby into me?”
Lan Zhan seemed to move lightning fast. One moment he was lying between Wei Ying’s legs, then Wei Ying was flipped, lying on his stomach with his shorts down around his thighs. Then Lan Zhan was on top of him again, his weight satisfyingly heavy on Wei Ying. He shoved the waistband of his own shorts down below his cock, lined himself up against Wei Ying’s wet entrance, and pushed in.
Wei Ying arched into it, his whole body reacting to the feeling. This was Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan inside him, Lan Zhan fucking into him with long, sure strokes. Lan Zhan kissing his neck, breathing his name against Wei Ying’s ear.
Wei Ying’s legs were bound by his shorts, the waistband pressing his legs together even as Lan Zhan straddled him to get better leverage. Wei Ying curved to allow him to get deeper and deeper inside. He couldn’t help thinking about the last time they had done this, when they had made A-Yuan, and his mouth ran away with him.
“Last time you fucked me so well, you filled me so good.” He felt delirious with how amazing it felt. “First time and you put a baby in me.”
Lan Zhan’s sure strokes got faster and harder, but less coordinated, and his breathing, heavy in Wei Ying’s ear as he held him, became more ragged.
“You like that, don’t you. That you fucked a baby into the poor, virgin omega.”
“Into you,” Lan Zhan clarified.
“Yeah.” Wei Ying was breathless with pleasure, every stroke pushing his cock against the bed. He shoved a hand underneath himself to stroke himself with a little more force. “Into me. Your poor virgin Wei Ying, so innocent, and you put a baby in me, just like this.” Lan Zhan sped up again, their bodies slapping together obscenely. “You made me yours.”
Lan Zhan’s hips shuddered, pressing deeply into Wei Ying as he came, voice groaning in Wei Ying’s ear. It was too much for Wei Ying who fucked into his own fist for a few more strokes and came with a shout that he muffled into the pillow.
They lay panting together for a few minutes until Lan Zhan managed to heave himself off Wei Ying and slump down on the bed next to him. Wei Ying laughed and snuggled in against him, wrapping his arms around Lan Zhan’s waist and grinning dopely when Lan Zhan hauled him even closer.
“You’re never getting rid of me now.” Wei Ying’s voice was muffled against Lan Zhan’s chest.
“Mn?” Lan Zhan stroked Wei Ying’s hair.
Wei Ying lifted his head. “I said, you’re never getting rid of me now.”
Lan Zhan stroked his hair again, looking at him with a soft gaze. “Good.”
“Good?”
“Wei Ying, yes.” Lan Zhan cupped Wei Ying’s face with one hand. “Of course. It’s always been you, only you for me.”
Wei Ying ducked his head back down to hide his blushing grin against Lan Zhan’s chest, then lifted it back up. “Really?”
“Did you not know?” Lan Zhan seemed genuinely surprised. “I had not thought that I was subtle.”
Wei Ying lifted one shoulder. “Well, you might just have been here for A-Yuan.”
Lan Zhan shook his head. “Not when we were younger.”
“What? Since then?”
Lan Zhan kissed him gently. “Since always, Wei Ying.”
Wei Ying leaned into the kiss, then pulled back just enough to speak. “Since always for me too, er-gege.”
He felt Lan Zhan’s smile and they kissed, soft and slow for a suspended time, lulled by the darkness and their shared scents.
Eventually Lan Zhan spoke again. “Wei Ying.”
“Hmmmm?”
“May I –” There was a strange hesitance to his tone. “That is, would it be possible for me to stay?”
Wei Ying rolled them so he was astride Lan Zhan’s hips, looking down at him. “Are you kidding? Popo keeps asking me to tell you to stay! I wanted to, but I didn’t know if you would want to.”
Lan Zhan reached up and stroked Wei Ying’s face. “I never want to be separated from you or A-Yuan again.”
Wei Ying laughed, giddy with joy. “Until he goes to university, of course.”
Lan Zhan conceded the point with a nod. “Until then.”
Wei Ying sat up and arched to push out his stomach as much as he could, patting it. “Plus who knows whether you put another one in me just now.” He poked Lan Zhan’s chest. “You have to take responsibility for your actions.”
Lan Zhan removed a hand from Wei Ying’s thigh and stroked it down over his forced-out stomach, looking smug. “Hmmmm, I will.”
“Hey.” Wei Ying poked Lan Zhan a little harder. “Don’t look so pleased with yourself. I don’t even have a bond, you know.”
He held his breath, trying not to seem like he was waiting for Lan Zhan’s response, until Lan Zhan reached up and gripped his hair, pulling Wei Ying down over him, so they were face to face.
“I will bond you right now.”
“Yeah?” Wei Ying sounded as breathless as he felt. “Is that what you want?”
Lan Zhan held his gaze so intently. “Wei Ying, I have wanted it since the moment you presented.”
Wei Ying laughed, a quiet, happy sound. “That was months before you even presented, er-gege.”
“Still,” Lan Zhan said.
“Well.” Wei Ying placed a gentle kiss on Lan Zhan’s nose. “Who am I to deny my Lan Zhan his dearest wish?” He turned his head to present his mating gland.
Lan Zhan leaned up and licked the spot once, then bit down hard, making Wei Ying gasp. “Ow, er-gege, you’re biting too hard.” He rolled his hips so Lan Zhan could feel him getting hard and was delighted to feel the same in response. “You’re so mean.” Lan Zhan held his bite for a few more moments, until the golden glow of the bond had swelled around them, then receded to a low, joyful background hum. Then he licked the spot again.
Wei Ying turned his head back to kiss Lan Zhan, now able to somehow vaguely feel the surge of love from him.
He drew back and touched the bite at his neck, thrilled to have it from Lan Zhan. “Are you satisfied now?”
Lan Zhan smirked at him. “Mn.”
Epilogue
A-Yuan’s meeting with Lan Qiren went far better than Wei Ying could ever have anticipated. Hoping to give them all something to concentrate on, Wei Ying had suggested taking Lan Qiren to some local tourist spots. He had hoped to avoid any potentially negative focus on A-Yuan, who was perfect, but might be judged harshly for being Wei Ying’s son.
What he hadn’t imagined was Lan Qiren being such a soft-touch. He insisted that A-Yuan call him er-ye, and proceeded to buy A-Yuan everything he even looked like he might want. The two of them chatted about music and school, A-Yuan even making Lan Qiren smile.
Wei Ying, taking full advantage of being able to hold Lan Zhan’s hand without Lan Qiren’s censure, as a properly bonded omega, happily looked on as the two connected.
“I think he’s trying to make up for twelve missed birthdays in one day,” he said.
“Mn,” Lan Zhan agreed. “It will be thirteen soon.”
“Wow.” Wei Ying pondered. “I think you should probably speak to him before he buys A-Yuan a house or something for that.”
Lan Zhan nodded, a smile tucked in the corner of his mouth. Wei Ying wanted to kiss it.
“How do you think he’ll react when he finds out about this little one?” Wei Ying rubbed a hand over his still-flat stomach. They hadn’t beat the odds twice in falling pregnant outside a heat cycle, but then Lan Zhan had joined him for his last heat and the nausea and exhaustion kicking in some five or six weeks later had made the result very clear. Lan Zhan had spent every spare moment since they confirmed it apparently trying to get him pregnant all over again.
“I think he might try and move in with us,” Lan Zhan joked. Or, well, Wei Ying hoped he was joking.
“Better not tell him about the expansion then!” They shared a conspiratorial look. Lan Zhan moving in and contributing had accelerated the expansion plans, which would hopefully be complete by the time their new arrival was due. Lan Zhan’s agenda to repopulate the whole of China with their babies would need plenty of space.
As the afternoon wore on and the sun started getting lower, they found a seafood restaurant to grab dinner at. Somehow Lan Qiren and A-Yuan had come to some kind of agreement for A-Yuan to go and visit him in Shanghai for at least a week in the summer. Wei Ying gave Lan Zhan a raised-eyebrow look, but shrugged and agreed. Who was he to prevent A-Yuan from, apparently, being spoiled rotten by the same man who had seemed previously to delight in rules.
When dinner ended, they drove Lan Qiren back to his hotel. Just before he climbed out of the car, he levelled a look at Lan Zhan. “He will try to call you again tonight. Would you please answer?”
Lan Zhan stayed silent for a moment, then nodded once. “I will consider it.”
“That is all I ask.”
They drove home with a comfortable quiet in the car. A-Yuan was wiped out and staring almost in a trance at his phone. Wei Ying let Lan Zhan do some thinking while he himself enjoyed the soft sounds of rain pattering on the car.
When they got back, A-Yuan clattered his way up the stairs to show the Wens his spoils. Lan Zhan touched Wei Ying’s arm. “Could you ever forgive him?”
Wei Ying licked his lips. He would be lying to say that he hadn’t thought about that question at length. Lan Huan had done a great harm to him, to A-Yuan, to Lan Zhan. But he was still Lan Zhan’s brother.
“I don’t know if I could ever forgive,” Wei Ying said. Lan Zhan nodded. “But I may be able to put that aside.” Lan Zhan nodded again, looking thoughtful, like Wei Ying’s answer had been helpful in any way. “It’s your choice really.”
They made their way upstairs, greeting everyone and hugging Popo, who was in the kitchen with A-Yuan, pretending to be jealous of Lan Qiren, making A-Yuan laugh. Wei Ying grinned and made some tea.
As they sat around and talked, Wei Ying saw Lan Zhan’s phone light up with an incoming call. Lan Zhan looked at it, looked at Wei Ying.
He picked up the phone to answer it.