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Chris wrung his hands, nervously pacing back and forth in the studio, anxiously awaiting the appearance of the rest of his band. This was the beginning of a newer era for them but this first song that Chris had completed was heavy, emotional, and very personal. It wasn't like he hadn't written some emotional songs before but this one...there was something about this one that had him almost in a cold sweat waiting for the band to come in. Chris was almost on verge of throwing the damn thing out and asking if they had any ideas for songs. They had a few songs partially written or almost on the verge of completion but this one was done and Chris had already been tracking vocals for it secretly. Chris realized that he had the lyrics clenched tightly in his left hand and set them down on the desk next to the sound board gently.
"Hey man" Vinny's voice coming from behind him almost had Chris jumping out of his skin.
"Fuck you scared the shit out of me" Chris breathed. He looked down at Vinny and noticed that Justin and Ryan were outside finishing cigarettes.
"Sorry, Rick is parking, he drove"
"Of course he did, if Ricky shows up without you I get worried" Chris grinned, Vinny's energy always made him feel a little lighter.
"Fuck off man, so what's so important about this meeting that it couldn't wait for the fucking sun to come up?"
"I finished a song, it's completely ready for instruments"
"Holy shit!" Vinny held up his hand for a high five, Chris obliged. "I'm so excited for new music, that means getting back out onto the road again"
"I also have news about that as well, we may be getting on the road sooner that that" Vinny nodded enthusiastically.
"Hey!" Vinny shouted, Chris jumped a little. "You guys stop fucking around and get in here! Chris has news!" Justin and Ryan grumbled but stubbed out their smokes and filed in. Ricky came jogging up the path to the studio a moment later. Chris smiled seeing him, his hair had gotten so long falling just past his shoulders now. Him, Ricky and Ryan had been friends for a long ass time but Ricky always managed to put a smile on Chris' face.
"Alright guys, as Vin screamed so delicately, I do have some news. Two things actually first thing is we heard back from management at the beginning of the year, well, in March actually we have officially confirmed that we are going on a triple headlining tour" Chris announced
"What?!" Justin sat up excitedly.
"For real?" Ryan smiled
"With who?" Ricky asked with a grin.
"The first band that confirmed was Ice Nine" Chris smiled as the guys all whooped. "The second is Black Veil".
"This is going to be fucking sick" Vinny sat back in his chair. "Triple headlining? That's insane"
"I know, we're still working on logistics, but it looks like each band is going to get a little over an hour to perform, and there will be like opening acts and stuff too"
Talk went on for a little while about how excited everyone was for the tour, especially when Chris said it was going to be the "Trinity of Terror Tour". Eventually though Ricky remembered that there was another piece of news.
"As excited as I am for the tour I am wondering what the next piece of news is that you had Chris" Chris could feel the smile leave his face and the anxiety start to slowly creep back up into his shoulders. Chris slumped into his chair. "Holy shit is it bad news?"
"No, I thought it was that you finished a song" Vinny butt in head tilted as he looked at Chris in confusion.
"It is" Chris sighed. "I finished a song it's ready for the instruments to be tracked and mixed, I've almost finished vocals."
"You look upset though, do you not think the song is good enough?" Ryan asked, now everyone was frowning and looking at Chris. The anxiety gripped it's claws into him.
"No...it's really emotional actually" Chris admitted "It's very vulnerable and I'm working up the nerve to play it"
"You got this Chris, you know we will never judge you for anything you write" Ricky said solemnly. Everyone nodded along. Chris sighed again.
"Alright, I might honest to fucking god cry though so...look away" Chris laughed self-consciously. Then before anyone could say anything, Chris hit play.
Because he had been working on this alone and hadn't been in the mood to play anything it was just raw vocals for now.
"All the stupid lies and the stupid games left a vacancy in this picture frame. A prisoner by my own hands cause if I can't have me then no one can..." The song went on and Chris bowed his head, he was already starting to tear up. "So how do I apologize and put the tears back in your eyes. When every canvas that I paint is a masterpiece made of my mistakes." A tear ran down Chris' cheek, he dare not wipe it away in case one of the guys saw. "True colors can't escape the brush of fate" Chris was honest to god crying now. It hurt physically to try to keep his sobs down but he really didn't want to have a full mental breakdown in front of everyone. The song started to come winding down to it's end, Chris could hear himself singing in a falsetto and then coming down in the final bit of the chorus then finally the song came down to it's bitter end with Chris's one last scream. A moment of silence passed and then tattooed fingers were coming into his blurry vision.
Chris looked up the best he could, Ricky was on his knees next the chair Chris was in a tissue held in his fist. Chris took it with a sad laugh/sob. "Sorry" Chris whispered.
"Don't you ever fucking be sorry for getting emotional" Ricky narrowed his eyes at Chris. "That was a beautiful song. What are we naming it?" Ricky drummed his fingers on the skin of Chris's knee through his ripped pants.
"Masterpiece" Chris admitted quietly. Chris finally looked all the way up just to see the empty studio, the other's long gone.
"I told them to leave, we can celebrate later, you needed a moment to be sensitive" Ricky shrugged with a half smile. It was the most beautiful thing Chris had ever seen, jus the left side of Ricky's mouth tilting up. His chin resting on Chris's knee. Chris was leaning in before his brain could keep up with his actions.
Ricky's lips were as soft as he always imagined them to be. Ricky had recently stopped wearing his lip ring and Chris missed it and the way Ricky used to play with it, but also having his lips unhindered was better than anything Chris could have ever dreamed of.
Ricky's quiet noise of surprise had Chris's brain and anxiety going back into full function. "Holy Shit" Chris pulled back so hard that the chair he was in rolled and then tipped over sending Chris ass over head onto the floor. Chris didn't look at where Ricky was still kneeling, he stumbled to his feet and broke into a run straight through the front door of the studio.
Chris's feet pounded the pavement, his other band mates were still in the parking lot. Chris ran past them and straight past his car as well. Chris got about a half mile from the studio when he had to slow to a walk and then eventually stop as his panic came back to him. Chris turned and rammed his fist into the nearest tree. His scream of "Fuck" echoing around him. He wasn't actually to far from his house he would just have to walk home and then get a Uber back to his car later.
He couldn't believe that he had actually acted on his stupid long time fantasies. Ricky was one of his best friends and as far as Chris was aware, straight. Chris was a barely functioning bisexual at this point and had gone years without a parter. Maybe that was what caused this bout of insanity. Chris laughed darkly at his thoughts, he had ruined the band...this was it, how was Motionless supposed to stay going without Ricky? And it wasn't like Chris could kick Rick out of the band for his own mistakes Chris would offer to leave...yes that is what he would do, the fans would be upset but Chris couldn't do this anymore. He couldn't keep pretending around Ricky anymore and if he couldn't keep pretending then he would have to leave. Together Ricky, Ryan, Justin and Vinny made an incredible team. They would go on to find a lead singer and continue being successful...maybe Chris could get a job at his local Hot Topic.
The sun had risen from the clouds and was shining brightly by the time Chris got home. He stripped as he walked through the house, he had gotten very sweaty by the time he had arrived and wanted a pity shower. Chris cried hard in the shower thinking about all that he had lost in the last hour of his life. Chris washed his right hand gently, the blood that he didn't know he was leaking tinging the water pink. He had honestly probably broken a damn knuckle punching that tree.
Chris got out of the shower, slung on a loose pair of cotton shorts and wondered out to the kitchen. He definitely didn't jump and squeak when he saw Ricky sitting on his couch hands against each knee watching Chris. "Hey" Ricky said softly "I think you forgot that you gave me a key".
"I uh...didn't think you would be here after what happened" Chris shrugged he crossed his arms and slumped in on himself.
"Come here" Ricky gently patted the seat next to him but didn't not make his words a suggestion. Ricky looked prepared to drag Chris to the couch.
"Or you could just yell at me from here"
"I am not going to yell at you Chris, just come sit on the damn couch" Ricky huffed and rolled his blue eyes.
Chris slowly walked over and sat on the opposite side of the couch without looking at Ricky, this was probably the most uncomfortable he had ever been in his own living room.
"How long?" Ricky asked bluntly. Chris cringed back into the couch, he didn't dare look at the other man.
"A long time" Chris muttered. Ricky made an impatient noise "Probably since we first met".
"That is a long time" Ricky commented lightly "Why did you never say anything?"
"Are you fucking kidding me?" Chris finally looked up. "You are probably the straightest man I've ever met"
"Your radar is either very broken or you're confusing me with Vinny. Did I never tell you about the time I hooked up with Ville?"
"NO! You slept with Ville Valo?"
"Yes after a party back in like....2010 I think" Ricky laughed "I thought I spread that all over, I was so proud of myself" Chris couldn't help but follow the line of Ricky's throat with his eyes as the man threw his head back. He had began to permanently salivate thinking of Ricky's tattooed neck. Chris blushed darkly as he realized Ricky caught him staring.
"So this is awkward"
"I bet is was even more awkward having to walk all the way home" Ricky chuckled "Seriously...like a bat out of hell. Vin told me he yelled out to you but you kept running"
"I didn't even hear him" Chris admitted sheepishly. "I was too busy having a full mental breakdown"
"I bet. You left your keys on the sound board, Vinny drove your car back and then I drove him home before coming back"
"You did all that while I was showering"
"You mean having a full mental breakdown?" Ricky teased.
"Shut the fuck up" Chris groaned, smiling now. "So are we good?"
"Only if you kiss me again asshole"
"What?" Chris absently realized he probably looked like that surprised pikachu meme.
"That first kiss sucked, I want a do over. Should I put the ring back in so you'll be distracted by my mouth all the time again?"
"Don't you dare, If I have to watch you chew on that lip ring again I will jump you" Chris threatened.
"Oh you will, will you?" Ricky's eyes were sparking with mischief "Maybe I should"
"Go fuck yourself Olsen...or better yet Horror"
"Ouch with the hard H man" Ricky smiled, "I'm serious though Chris, I really like you. I want to kiss your face off, get over here" Chris scooted closer and leaned in. Ricky immediately put a hand in Chris's short blonde locks and tugged. Chris groaned deep in his throat and opened his mouth to Ricky's seeking tongue.
Chris doesn't know how long they kissed for but eventually he pulled back, chest heaving and temples pounding. "Holy shit the headache I have going on right now" Chris rubbed a hand across his eyes, thankful he had already removed his makeup in the shower.
"Awe my poor anxiety ridden dumpling" Chris snorted but went as Ricky pulled him down on to the couch. Chris allowed Ricky to rearrange his limbs and eventually found himself laying across Ricky's chest with a leg swung up over his hips. Chris sighed happily, with his back pressed against the couch and his front snuggled into Ricky he felt warm and safe. "Take a nap Chris, we're meeting the guys later on to start tracking for masterpiece, they're all very impressed and excited for the new song. Rest your eyes we need you at your best"
"You'll stay?" Chris muttered against Ricky's jaw.
"I'm not moving a muscle. I've got you"
Chris drifted off to Ricky humming masterpiece quietly.