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The light of the sun passes through the space between dark curtains, warming the body which lies on the bed. He wakes up as he feels something brushing his cheek and drawing an invincible line on his temple to jaw. Vegas is leaning on him, close enough to almost kissing his cheek. "Good morning." he says with low tone, not wanting to disturb his just-woke-up boyfriend.
Pete smiles lazily, streching his body before sitting up on the bed. "Are you going somewhere?" The man in front of him is clothed in a neat dark shirt and a pair of pants fit his legs so nicely that Pete wants him to take them off.
Vegas nods slowly. "I have a meeting. I wanted to say goodbye."
Pete wants to hold his wrist and convince him to stay longer but a cough rising from his throat forbids him, an ugly chocking sound comes out of his mouth. "Are you sick?" Vegas asks, folds his arms over his chest, looking like a mom who is ready to scold her child. This fucking health nut, Pete thinks.
Pete could never have known this side of Vegas existed, but unfortunately it did. Don't lie down after you eat meal, Pete. Don't buy that oily food, Pete. I'll make you healthier version of it at home. At first, Pete had to agree he was lovely, almost endearing, but now he doesn't want to deal with it. "I'm fine." His voice is hoarse and cracky.
A hand presses his forehead gently, after a second Vegas hums with agreement. "Okay, take care of yourself. I need to leave now." One last kiss on the lips and he is gone.
Pete sighs disappointedly, wishing the other man could've been stay longer. It's been six months since Vegas recovered and got out of the hospital. Porsche - the new head of minor family- decided to let Vegas and his brother keep their house in return of Vegas helping them on their business. Pete knows, Vegas isn't fully forgiven after his attack on major family and Porsche is being easy on him. It's just he is given lots of work and no time left for Pete. He chuckles lightly how this thought sound on his mind, childish and needy.
He has his duties as well, checking bodyguards, making sure they are not being lazy on their duty and skipping training. Sometimes going on missions with Porsche and Kinn' requests. Vegas doesn't like it when Pete tells him he has an assignment. They have fights, sometimes there is yelling each other, sharp words has thrown like a blade.
Pete screams. I was a head bodyguard. He hates waiting in house, a worry dripping around his shoulders, bouncing his leg constantly, and his eyes at the vintage clock with wooden frame on the living room. The moment Vegas appears on the door frame, his eyes checks for injury, any oddness on his clothes. When he sees none, he almost breathes with relieve - he can't because nowadays his lungs hurt when he tries to take a deep breath-.
It's been a long time since they talked with long sentences to each other. And this is an another thing Pete hates. He feels desperate , need of being seen by Vegas burns his veins, makes him wan to crawl.
Vegas comes back at midnight, reaching for the man who is waiting for him, pulling in a kiss. Pete inhaled weakly and nods when Vegas asks if he missed him. He can't resist him. He is tired, couldn't able to breathe properly all day, waiting for Vegas to arrive home safe, and all his bones is aching, telling him to take a break but he couldn't resist him, not Vegas. He has many things to tell, even scream, at his tongue but swallows. He lets the kisses Vegas giving him erase all things on his mind. He just wants to be seen by Vegas, how tired, how alone he is.
He wants to yell how he hates watching Vegas walking away every morning. He hates so many things these days, even loathes. Vegas doesn't notice anything. Maybe it's a cruel thought being shaping on his mind, knowing how he is working hard to gain a place in the mafia world. The bitterness that Pete is feeling can't stop, thinking about how Vegas left the house every day. He hates that scene. He might return home one day and realize he never wanted Pete. He will think he deserves someone like Porsche. On his tiptoes and in a choke hold, he waits for that day.
He's going crazy.
His coughs hasn't disappear, even adding a horrific chest pain. He finally decides to go to hospital without telling anyone. Hospital smells like a rotten food, lighting makes him dizzy. The doctor asks for tests, including a chest X-ray.
When he goes back to house, Macau stops him, despite how tired he is, he listens teenager complaining about the lazy member of their group project. Pete really enjoys Macau' company. This bratty teenager made living in this house more bearable. Their conversations ends and Macau goes to his room, planning to play a video game.
Pete sits on the couch, waiting for Vegas to come to mansion. A throbbing headache makes him hiss, feeling desperate to try massage his own head to make pain go away.
He feels a hand caressing his face, shoulders and back , he doesn't know how many hours passed while he was waiting but Vegas is here. He tries to give him his best smile, chest pain is making harder but he doesn't care. He just wants to hold Vegas. He sighs when he feels strong arms embracing him, relieved and content. Nowadays he is tired, hates lots of things but this moments right now is the one of those he loves.
"Did you wait for me?" Vegas asks, there's guilt tripping on his voice.
Pete just hummed, not trusting himself to make a voice, his whole body is aching. "Let's go to the our room."
Our room. He feels like the teenage girl on the book which he read while he was young. I've got butterflies in my stomach. This feeling never gets old.
He pulls Vegas into a lazy kiss, other participates hungrily. If Pete had energy, he would giggle at themselves then he would make his way onto Vegas' lap to ride him. It would be great. Fantastic.
He feels his back hitting on mattress, he drifts in and out of consciousness while Vegas is walking around room, probably changing his clothes. Pair of arms hold his waist, cuddling him from behind. He tries to gain his consciousness but he feels like swimming on a ocean, and there's no land.
"Are you sick? You look bad." Vegas nuzzling his nose to rub his neck, voice gentle and calm.
"Geez, thanks." Pete answers with a blunt tone. His voice feels so distant to himself, almost not expecting Vegas to hear it but Vegas laughs shortly. "Just telling the truth."
Pete wakes up hot and sweaty, an arm still on his waist, making him smile. Turns around to see Vegas. His face looks relaxed, breathing slowly. His heart skips a beat, the love he is feeling hurts.
Pete flinches when Vegas opens his eyes, a shocked noise climbing through his throat. "Huh, when did you wake up?"
Vegas pulls him closer, almost lips touching. "For a while. Are you okay?"
He is not so he lies simply. "I'm okay."
Vegas regards him with a mixture of fondness and alarm. This is the moment, his chest pain is so distant, his mind chants Vegas, Vegas, Vegas... They kiss, they touch each other. Pete smells Vegas' skin, this is the only smell he can stand these days, it's comforting but dangerous too, easy to lost himself in.
A hand covers his throat, not squeezing it, just making him feel it. "Can I, Pete?" Vegas is asking, voice dark with desire and lust.
Pete nods, "Yes." Fuck, yes. His voice is cracky and his feels disgusting, all sweaty and hot but he couldn't care less. He wants Vegas to touch him, make him feel all the things no one does.
He feels Vegas inside of him, becoming part of his body. A moan escaping his lips, he tries to clamp his mouth but Vegas doesn't allow it. His thumb presses his chin to open. "Let me hear you, baby."
Back on his mind, a voice screams, you don't hear me at all these days. He ignores this dirty noise, tries focusing on his lover. The pain on his chest burning, making him crawl on his side, pulling his legs to chest. He ignores again.
Tears flows through his eyelids, he bites his lips to not make a crying sound.
They finished quick, Vegas threw the condom, and throwing himself beside of Pete. He doesn't notice teary eyes at first, when he does, his eyes fills with worry, confused. " Did it hurt?"
Pete just shakes his head negatively, not wanting to talk.
"But you cried?" Still confused.
"Leave it. I wanna sleep."
"Are you sure?" Pete tries to get out of the bed but his legs feel weak. He acts like he didn't hear the question.
"Answer me, Pete." Now the voice is more serious, more sharp.
Pete still doesn't care, he makes his way to the bathroom successfully with his trembling legs, so he is proud of himself.
Of course, Vegas doesn't let it go, following him to the bathroom. "Why are you not talking to me? What's wrong with you? Just tell me?" His voice doesn't let the panic shown but Pete knows his Vegas.
"Nothing." He says, almost begging him to stop speaking. "I need to shower." Breathing is hard, speaking is harder.
Days has been passing, he gets a call from the hospital. He goes to the hospital, not telling anyone again. He just wants his pills and go to home. Just give me the pills and I will be fine. But doctor asks for more, needles on skin and patience for waiting a little longer.
He waits for the results, uneasiness spreads through his chest to whole body. He loves eating - he really loves food, okay?- but can't swallow, it feels like trying to swallow his stress and nervousness. Vegas gives him a raised eyebrow when he is home. He just smiles.
One night Vegas tells him, " Don't smile. I hate it."
Sadness and shock flashes on his face, dropping his smile immediately. "Okay."
He wants to walk away, maybe sit on the garden but he feels Vegas cuddling him on behind. "When you smile, everything used to feel warmer. I love when you smile, looking at me with those shining eyes. But you know, this not it. You don't smile like that anymore. It's not a good replica of yours."
Pete escapes from his embrace. "What are you talking about? Just leave it, Vegas. I'm fine."
"Is it me? Are my demons being your burden?" Vegas whispers slowly.
And Pete wants to smack him. "God, no." He says, rubbing his forehead. "It's okay Vegas. Everyone has their demons. If being beside you means I will be dealing with those then I'm willing to do it."
Vegas holds his both hands in his one hand and kiss them. "What did I do to deserve you?"
They still fight, even argue over small things. Vegas wakes up with nightmares, screams, yells. Pete tries to calm him down, sometimes he is successful and sometimes he is simply not. But Pete chose this.
He gets a call from the hospital, again, hopefully it will be his last time to visit the hospital. He feels cheerful, he really just wants to pain to go away. The doctor is a old, white hair colored man, he spits sometimes while speaking, some teeth on his mouth missing. He gives a sad look above his eyeglasses, Pete doesn't understand.
Then he does. He understands the look the doctor keeps giving him.
He just wanted fucking cough pills. What is this mess?
He leaves the hospital, but not wanting to go back the house. He is not ready to wait for Vegas to come the house, his stomach clenching, feeling on his fingertips.
He makes a decision while walking on the street. Every step feels like weights ten kilograms. He finds a cap on his way.
"Hey," Porsche smiles at him, opening his arms to hug him. Pete lets himself, sliding into other man' embrace. "Hey." he says weakly.
"How are you? I'm sorry I couldn't check on you. The business is crazy and you know Kinn-" he continues to talk. Pete hums as he hears words coming at him. He slowly puts his head on Porsche' shoulder. Porsche stops. "Are you okay?"
Pete only hums, not trusting his voice.
"I'm glad you're okay. Things might have changed but I'm always your friend. You can always come to me." Porsche speaks softly, making Pete feel like a little child. He wonders if this the voice Porsche uses when he spokes to Porchay.
"Thank you." he says when he can finally trusts his voice. "Can I stay here for a few days?"
Porsche tenses. "Did that bastard make something? Just tell me."
Pete laughs, breathless and not humorous. "No, we're fine. I just need some time to figure out things." His voice cracks and he shouts his mouth, clenching his jaw.
"Then," Porsche breathes out, clearly not relieved. "You can stay here as much as you want. No one can say anything."
"Thanks, man." Porsche pats his back gently.
His old room belongs to someone else now, he stays at one of the guest rooms. He is shivering with coldness, alone and in a room he is stranger of. He's tired, just wants to sleep, maybe cuddle with Vegas, except there's no Vegas. He puts a blanket on himself, pulling his knees to his chest, making himself a ball.
He thinks and thinks. All thoughts make him dizzy, wanting to vomit. He has no idea how he's going to tell Vegas. Maybe Vegas will make him go away, abandon him. Will Vegas stay beside him even Pete is sick? Will Vegas stay beside him even Pete can't able to hold his own promise? Thoughts goes back and forward on his mind, and he finally decides to take some air, getting out of bed and walking to the garden. He doesn't take a long time to understand he is not alone. Kinn appears on his left, a cigarette on right hand, the other one is on his pocket.
"Pete," he says with a whisky voice. "do you want one?" Takes the box out of his pocket, offering Pete.
Pete knows if he is rational he shouldn't accept it, but he feels like the craziest person on the world today. They smoke together for a while, both of them not speaking, Pete finds this comfortable. He doesn't have to give answers, has a company near himself. Unfortunately the comfortable silence they fell into doesn't last long.
"Porsche is worried about you." Kinn starts talking. I'm worried about myself too. "He isn't the only one, you know. Maybe I can't show it much but you took care of my brother for years as well as me. If Vegas, that bastard, makes you unhappy just tell us."
Pete laughs dry. "That's not the case."
"Well," Kinn throws his cigarette, turns face to face with Pete. "are you okay, Pete?"
Pete nods immediately. "Yes." A tear escapes from his left eye, he swipes it angrily.
"Are you really okay?"
Pete nods again. He tries to put on smile these time. The one he used to give everyone. "I'm really okay." His voice cracks, a crying sound almost rose through his throat.
"If-" Pete stops him. "I know, Khun Kinn. Thank you." He walks back to his room.
A message pops on his phone screen.
Where are you, phi? Macau wrote.
He stares at screen for while before he can manage his fingers to write an answer.
I'm at major family' mansion. I will stay here for a few days.
Did something happened?
No.
When will you come back?
I don't know. Don't forget your meal.
It's OK. Take your time and come back to us when you're ready.
Pete wakes with continuous coughing. It's like someone holding his lungs in tight with their fists and preventing airflow in and out. His entire body tenses up, every muscle hurting. He tries to walk into the bathroom and holding onto the white marble sink with his hands as if he is going to fall.
There are dark reddish little dots on his palm, he coughs one more time. His legs are not working, he tries to get up but there's no chance. His body tenses with stubborn coughs, his eyes can't focus too, he gives up finally, letting his chest to fall on bathroom tiles. Cold feels wonderful on his skin. It soothes his throbbing pain.
The whole world is spinning, his eyes looking up, he can't figure out the shape of chandelier on the ceiling, it's ugly. Complicated and ugly.
He stayed like this until he hears Arm' panicked voice slicing the silence. "Oh god," Arm says when he sees other man' open eyes. "I thought you were dead for a second."
Pete groans while he sits up with help. "Huh. Why?"
"Why are you lying down on the ground? Were you drunk?"
Pete shakes his head as no.
"Okay, okay. Khun Tankhun heard you are here and gone crazy because you didn't go to him. He's calling you."
And just like that, after a half hour later he finds himself between Tankhun and Pol on the couch, watching a drama. He doesn't want to watch it but there's nothing better to do anyway, plus he can't deal with another tantrum of his ex boss.
He keeps checking his phone when Tankhun is focused on screen. No message. He sighs and leans back on the couch. Maybe Vegas is busy. Macau probably already told him where Pete is and Vegas let it. It's unlike Vegas though.
Fingers grip his forearm, "Aii Pete, watch it." Tankhun whines.
He tries to catch what's going on the screen. The main male character has a terminal illness and the other main character tries to cheer him up by planning dates, but the ill man's health going worse day by day.
"Do you think the guy will live?" Tankhun asks loudly.
"Yes, he's the main character." says Arm.
"No, it's so obvious he's going to die. They are showing these scenes to hurt more when he actually dies. Trust me." Pol argues.
"No, he can't die." Tankhun screams, pouting with arms over his chest. "Say something, Pete." He turns his head to Pete and frowns.
"Why are you crying?"
Pete blinks, he wasn't aware that he's crying. He touches his cheeks, wet, he is indeed crying.
"Are you trying to be a drama queen, Pete? That's my job." Tankhun scoffs, making Pete chuckle soundlessly. "Go to your home. You're annoying me. Leave."
Home.
A sparkle pops on his mind. He understand why he is here. When he came here, he wanted to feel comfort and safe but couldn't find it. Yes, this place has his friends, familiar faces but this place is not his home anymore. His home moved away long time ago, maybe it was when he grabbed Vegas' face and kissed him, maybe it was when Vegas told him he was the most important person on his life. His home isn't where it used to be.
Vegas is not here.
He left without wasting no time. He doesn't want to wait and see if the main lead will die or live.
He doesn't know what he's going to say once he sees Vegas. He has so many things and he has nothing. He just craves for Vegas.
He returns his room and checks his phone again. No message. Again.
"Don't think much." he whispers to himself. But anxious feelings can't leave him alone, he curses under his breath because he feels like vomiting. There's nothing left on my stomach, though he thinks. He doesn't even remember the last thing he ate.
He runs to the bathroom and he delays his travel to the morning, his energy is going to run out soon.
In the next morning, he doesn't give himself time to completely wake up. He runs to the home. It's almost embarrassing but does he care?
Vegas is not home. Macau doesn't seem to be around. Everything is good. You will just wait here. You are finally at home.
He decides to make a meal for himself. The noodle he makes is so blunt that Pete fake cries but he doesn't think he can stand strong smell of spices. This is the safest option for keeping the food in his stomach.
If Vegas was here, he would scold him for eating instant noodles. The thought makes Pete giggle. Then he thinks about sharp cheekbones of Vegas, strong arms of his... I've got the most handsome boyfriend. He snorts and shakes his head side to side. He can't believe he is drooling on his own partner because he didn't see him two days.
He eats his noodles slowly, not wanting to make his body upset.
"What are you doing here?" A strong voice stops his hand going on his mouth. He lifts up his head and sees Vegas who is glaring at him. Yeah, I deserved that.
"I'm eating." he says innocently. He gives a smile but Vegas' expression doesn't change.
"Don't play the dumb." Vegas hisses between his teeth.
Pete walkes towards him slowly, he tried holding hand of other man but Vegas steps back. "Answer me." He yells. "Why are you here? Go back to that fucking mansion." Veins around his throat show themselves aggresively.
Pete can't hold his smile, tries to look at walls, furnitures. This shouldn't be like this. No. Today was supposed to be a happy day. Why he couldn't have one day? "Can you fucking calm down, Vegas?" His voice is low and calm. His bored gaze searching Vegas's face to understand the man.
"Say it, Pete." Vegas' cold eyes flinches with pain. He walks on Pete slowly, like he's approching his prey.
"I don't-" His words falls harshly as he feels a hand gripping onto his arm, pushing him to the wall. He almost trips over his legs, he caught his balance at tha last moment.
"Say it. Something is off. Days are passing and I'm trying to be calm but you're going to that damn house instead of talking." His shoulders are going up and down with frustration. "What do you want me to think?" He shouts.
His hand accidently hits the old fancy vase on the console table. A huge crack noise echoes in the house. Pete flinches with wide eyes. He feels like his muscles going hard rock. He is still, not sure if he can control his legs to take a step.
"Say it, Pete. Tell me you are their loyal dog. Say that you will leave me."
A choking crying sound raises through his throat. "Vegas," he breathes. "calm down, please." Pete is calm, Pete is calm, Pete is calm. After few seconds, Vegas will awake himself up and everything will be fine. He tries to repeat these sentences on his mind but under his chest his heart keep pounding and his head becoming dizzy.
He feels a hand wrapping around his neck, pressing. His lungs starts to beg for more air. "Please." he whines. Small dots starts covering his vision.
"Just say the truth." Vegas yells stronger.
Rest of it is blurry, Pete is not sure what is happening. He thinks he is hearing Macau's voice shouting. "Stop, stop..."
He gaspes for air while coughing. His legs gives on him, he's on the ground and shaking like a leaf.
"P'Pete... Phi, focus on my breath."
When Pete finally be able to breathe, the first he sees are the broken pieces of vase on the floor. And then, he sees Macau. The teenager is looking at him with worried eyes, his hand on Pete's shoulder, trying to give comfort.
"Do you want to sleep on my room tonight?"
Words are not coming out of his mouth, they just can't. Everything feels like a dream, no a nightmare. He nods and allows himself to follow Macau into his room. He doesn't know what else to do. They had many fights before but not like this. This time Pete was really scared.
Macau and Pete share teenager's bed at night. Macau doesn't say anything about his brother and Pete is really grateful. Pete watches him sleeping, breathing slowly. He tries to swallow his own dry coughs, not wanting to awake the boy. He doesn't sleep at all, sometimes closing his eyes because his eyes hurts, feels like his eyelashes sinking.
He ends up sitting on the garden as soon as he sends Macau off to school. The wind goes between his clothes, caressing his skin gently and slowly. He doesn't look up when he feels someone sitting beside him. They sit like that for a while. Silence is not a comfortable one, Pete feels like he's in the edge of crying and screaming.
"I'm sorry, Pete." says owner of the voice he knows very well. "I'm sorry."
Pete slowly breathes and opens his mouth, then clamps it shut. And again, he parts his lips, this time actually his voice working. "You're fucked up." His voice his small, not giving enough clue to Vegas what he is thinking.
"I'm sorry." Vegas chants like a mantra. He feels a warm skin against his cold hand.
Pete takes away his hand. "Do you have to hurt me because I chose you? Do you really need to punish yourself by giving me reasons for leaving you? You are not the only one who's hurting. Do you love me a bit? Why can't you see I'm hurt." His voice shakes, cracks but he wants to vomit all the posioning questions on his mind.
Vegas looks like he wants to reach Pete and embrace him, but also knows if he does that Pete will walk away. He tries to control himself, this is least he can do for him. "I love you so much, Pete. Even I'm surprised by it. I didn't think I was capable of loving someone this much."
When Pete doesn't say anything, he continues. "I'm really ashamed of myself for yesterday. I shouldn't-" he chokes on his voice. "I shouldn't let my fear make me blind. I'm just so afraid to wake up a day that you will leave me."
"You weren't at home when I came, and you didn't let me know that you were gonna stay at the mansion. I panicked... I panicked so much. I lost myself. I'm sorry." Silent tears left Vegas's eyes.
"I have the same fear."
Vegas turns his head so quickly, Pete could swear that he heard a crack noise. "Pete... What?" He looks so confused, obviously never thought Pete could have same insecurity.
Pete hums without looking at him. "I feel like someday you notice you want someone like Porsche or I don't know. Someone better than me. Someone more interesting than me." His nose is itching, he swiped his eyes quickly before taking a risk and looking at the man who sits beside him. Their eyes met each other and Vegas's eyes are wide, searching Pete's face as if he can not believe the words he's hearing. "I didn't know... "
"Pete," he says desperately. "you are the man I love."
Pete scoffs mockingly. "Am I? Are you sure Vegas? Or is it because I was the only one who choose to stay." He knows his words are like a blade, he almost bites his tongue to hold it back but he can't bring himself to it. "If I am, then why you can't see me? I looked at your fucking eyes but you didn't see me hurting."
"I'm sorry, Pete. I am really sorry. I neglected your needs, your feelings and you. I was trying to make my succesful just to make sure you'll have a partner you can be proud of. I worked on with deals, business, guns. But I forget the most important thing."
Pete turns his head away to hide his face, warm tears are falling on his cheek, and leaving a itchy wet feeling. He coughs a little, there's a throbbing pain on his lungs.
Vegas holds his hand again. This time he lets him.
"Pete," Vegas speaks softly. "How are you?"
This question. The one everyone else than Vegas keeps asking and the one he always gives the same answer. "I'm okay." He cries loudly, his throat clenches with an ugly sound. He tries to feel warmth of Vegas's hand to help him ground. He feels like he is handing over his broken pieces, the pieces he can't allow others to see, to him.
"I'm not okay." He says. His voice is broken, cracky and low. Vegas lifts his other hand to wipe his cheek, his thump gently brushes his face and Pete wants to cry more.
"I have cancer."
As soon as the words lefts his mouth, the hand on his face stops. Pete's not brave enough to make an eye contact with Vegas. His heart pounds under his shirt.
Vegas moves quickly, he is in between Pete's legs, on his knees. He has a horrible expression on his face.
"No."
He almost whimpers, looking like he's begging and Pete wants it. Pete wants to hold his hand, laugh at him a little and say that it's a joke. He coughs instead.
Vegas is watching his body tenses before letting out stubborn cough noises in horror. "No."
"Let's go to a hospital. Maybe it's just cold." Voice is shaky as his hands.
"Don't." The only word Pete can say between his own sobbings.
"I can find doctors. I will find you the best treatm-"
"Stop it." Pete yells. "Just stop. Maybe you will be better without me. I can leave if you want." He tries to sound cold.
"Never say this again. Do not say this again." Vegas holds onto Pete's knees with his palms. He has a devastated look in his eyes, and Pete copies him.
"Promise me, Pete. We will see a doctor together." Vegas cries. "Please." His shoulders are shaking.
Pete just nods, not wanting to discuss things. They both look horrible, and they feel more worse. His feelings are all over everywhere. He can't even tell what he is feeling right now. His hands pats the beside him. Vegas sits there silently. Their crying sounds drowns in the silent they fell. He sighs softly and put his head on Vegas's shoulder. A hand comes up to his back for support, caressing there, drawing circles and little pats.
"Vegas, I'm cold. Can we sleep?" he mumbles.
Vegas doesn't answer him, instead he puts his one arm under his knees and other on his back to bring him up. He carrys Pete in bridal style on his chest. He tries to gulp when he notices how the other man looks pale on his arms. His pretty pink lips are colorless now, his body doesn't have its warmth. He puts his boyfriend on their bed. Pete opens his closed eyes, looking directly at him. "Stay with me." When Vegas lies down he snuggles at him, he puts his head on his chest to warm himself up. He lets out a shaky breath once he settled.
He drifts into sleep quickly, and Vegas tries to be quiet while crying. His hands slowly travels around his lover's face, arm, and chest trying to mesmorize everything. He places a quick peck on Pete's forehead.
In Thailand summers are hot and sweaty but this one is exception. It feels cruely cold, almost freezing and Vegas has a rotten fear in his heart if other future summers are going to be this cold. He holds his sun between his arms and smells his skin.
Both Pete and Vegas doesn't know how to break the news to Macau. Other morning Vegas knocks the door of teenager's room before Macau left for school. "Hey, be at home tonight. We have things to talk with you." he says awkwardly.
Macau lifts his head from his backpack and gives a look. "You are not breaking up, right?" Despite his furious eyes, his voice is uncertain and low. The boy seems like still thinking about the couple's fight and Vegas tilts his face with guilt.
Vegas shakes his head immedately to relieve his brother. "No, just be here." And leaves before he can ask more question.
They get ready dinner before Macau arrives, although it mostly Vegas cooking in the kitchen and Pete watching while sitting at corner. Vegas decided to take a break from his bussiness and spend his most time with Pete. Porsche was suspicous when they spoke on the phone, but Pete is not ready tell everyone yet. He wants his family to know first.
Pete is nervous, keeps shaking his legs all day. After Vegas finished with the meal, he holds and walks him to the couch. "How are you feeling?"
"I don't know how we tell him, Vegas." He sighs out frustrated, drops his face into his palms.
Vegas embraces his body into his chest. "You are not alone." He murmurs.
"Damn, you guys made me worried for nothing but witnessing you cuddling." Macau makes his apperance show loudly.
"I told you we're not breaking up."
The teenager crossed his arms on his chest. "As if it was belivable. You looked so tense. If phi Pete leaved you, it would be because you are such an idiot."
Pete slids from Vegas's embraces to open his arms for Macau. "We are sorry for making you worried. You might be scared after our fight." He spoke softly.
Macau doesn't hesitate before reaching Pete. "Yeah, it sucks but i'm happy you guys figured it out."
Vegas looked at his two favorite person in the world, gulping at them and looking away. "I'm sorry." He is about to shift away on the couch but then Pete's hand holds his wrist, not letting him going away.
"Macau, we will tell you something." Vegas and Pete looks at each other and nods. And they talk. Macau sits still and listens for a while. Pete feels lumps on his throat when the teenager hugs him and calls him phi with his misarabley sweet voice. There's ugly cries and heart felt conversation going through all night. They sleep together on couch, it's very painful at morning and no one cares.
Vegas forces him to go to the hospital again, this hospital doesn't smell mouldy like the perivious one. It has good lightning and smells clean. The doctor suggests a surgery and a treatment after it.
Pete and Vegas fight.
Vegas finds it funny almost, except it's not funny. He keeps thinking how Pete is the one who is optimistic and looks onto bright sides. But not this time. They fight more. He can't understand why Pete doesn't want the surgery.
One night, they are on their bed, Vegas has Pete on his lap. Even they argue, they fall in the same bed. Pete needs Vegas and he doesn't Pete to feel alone. He plays with his silky hair while kissing him softly. Their tongues dances with each other lazily. Pete's body feels relaxed on top of him. His skin is soft under his touch.
"I'm scared." Pete whispers. Not looking at Vegas until he gently holds Pete's chin and make him look up. "You know, you always have me beside you." He whispers too.
"I'm scared." Pete repeats. This time his voice is weaker. "I don't even call my grandma. She tried so hard for me to..." He cries loudly, not contiuning his words. His chest feels like it van be burst any moment with anxiety.
Vegas hold him tighter and kissed his hair. "You're strong, Pete. Hell, God knows you are stronger than me. You survived from your dad, this filthy mafia world and I."
He feels a slap in his chest, Pete pouts at him, eyes filled with tears. "Don't say that. You didn't know better."
Vegas grabs his hand and brings it to his lips. "Let me finish, baby. You survived and didn't break. You're stronger than you think. You are like a gem which can not know its value."
"Are you calling me stone, Khun Vegas?" Pete asks offended but a tiny smile creeps onto corners of his mouth.
"Pete," he whines. "You are a special person. You also are special to me but you were like this before you met me. You have your warmth on your embrace." Vegas talks very queitly, not used to pouring out his heart on his sleeves but his Pete is scated and he wants tell all of it to him.
"Am I your special person?" Pete asks, looking at Vegas's eyes directly.
"Yes." Vegas replies breathlessly.
Pete tries to get more close, he is on top of Vegas, chest to chest. "You are mine, too." He feels underneath of himself Vegas holding his breath for a moment. He slowly places himself between Vegas's legs and starts to kiss him. Sucking his sweet and sour soul through his lips.
Vegas's hand wraps around back of his neck, deepens the kiss. His other hand goes down, grapping Pete's ass and making him groan into their kiss. It feels hot, their body touching each other, sharing the warmth with other.
"Pete," Vegas says as they apart "are you sure? I know you are tired."
The other man lifts himself on his forearms and looks at Vegas. "I need this, please. Just make it slow, alright?" He whines quietly. And Vegas can't fight back, he always feels need to touch Pete as much as he can.
Vegas's breath hitches as Pete goes down, his hand slides through his chest to tights. Pete tucks his fingers on his pants and pulls it down. He lifts his hand up for Vegas to spit, doesn't left his eyes while he brings his hand to stroke his dick. He opens his mouth wide and gives it a lick from bottom to up, then he kisses around of the tip. When he finally starts sucking it and circling his tongue around tip, a curse escapes from Vegas's mouth. This sight of Pete never stops make him excited as hell. Pete moaning around his cock makes him feel like a teenager.
"Baby, stop." he groans low. Pete obeys quickly as a good boy he is, making Vegas chuckle. "Lay down, love."
This time Vegas is top of him. He grabs condom and lube quickly, not wanting to make Pete wait. He gets ready Pete with care, giving him kisses when he sense his body goes stiff. Tonight is not for hard and teasing sex, this one is what they both needs. Gentle and patient.
He presses one more kiss on Pete's now redish lips before holding his cock against his hole. Pete felt inside of him strecth, his legs shakes weakly around Vegas's hips. "Vegas..." he hisses. Vegas grips his soft hips tightly and thrust between his own moans. He missed his Pete too much.
They lay down together after they finished it. Pete looks glowing and Vegas doesn't feel like letting him go around his arms.
Pete taps his hand on his chest softly, they apart slowly and he puts his head beside Vegas.
He looks at the ceiling when he opens his mouth and let out a word. "Okay."
Vegas tilts his head towards him, seconds pasts while he's trying to figure out what he heard. His arms around Pete grips him more tight. He kisses his lover's forehead. "Okay." He knows what it means.
"Pete," he gulps. "Let's make merits together again."
Pete agrees. This time they don't take Macau with them. They sit next to each other so close that there's barely space between them. Pete presses his body on his, eyes closed and breathing slowly. Vegas looks at Pete's face. It doesn't have usual pinkish color around cheeks and wears a tired expression. His cute button nose is there, above his soft lips. His thumb caresses his chin gently.
"We make merits together. So next life, we'll get to see each other again."
"I want to be the rich boyfriend on another time." Pete says sheepishly and giggles softly. His eyes are opened now, looking at Vegas under his eyelashes.
"Anything you want baby." Vegas holds him tighter.
"Okay, let's meet each other and spend all of our time together."
"It's a promise."
"Promise."
Vegas plans a dinner not just him and Pete but also Pete's friends from main family. Having dinner with his cousins not pleasent but he can bare it, tomorrow is Pete's surgery day and he wants to make him happy. Pete didn't tell anyone about his illness but asked Vegas for it. Vegas listened Porsche's cries for a while before he can invate him.
"Did he put posion us, why Pete's plate is different?" Tankhun acts like he asks secretly but his voice is loud enough that everyone can here.
"I'm eating the same food, cousin. Don't overwork your brain much." Vegas says, not resisting the urge of rolling eyes.
Rose color creeps into Pete's cheeks, he looks shy and all Vegas wants to take him away. He cooked him especially. Others food was prepared by servants, he might into cooking but let's not taking that far, he wouldn't cook for this crowded people.
Porsche tries to talk with Pete, his eyes are red but he tries to mask it with his smile. He acts goofy, and even though how Pete is tired when he can see a smile on his friend's face his smiles turns into a real one. Kinn is sitting beside him but he doesn't talk much, still looking sad by news. Tankhun cries loudly and clinges to Pete. Arm and Pol tries to make space for Pete and distract Tankhun as much as they can. Kim and Chay also here, Pete has no idea what's going between them but teenager looks relaxed than he last saw him. He guesses things are going well. Pete feels glad how everyone behaved for his sake. Dinner ends without any argument.
Everyone lefts the house, Macau going his room, Vegas and Pete is all alone again.
"Can I ask you for something?" Pete's voice is hesitant and unsure. He's playing with his fingers, not making eye contact with other man.
Vegas reached out his hands and hold them. "Sure, Pete. Anything you want."
Pete doesn't speak immedately, he breaths couple of breathes and watches the wall like there's something writing there important. "Don't forget me." Vegas almost can not catch it because it like a wind, tiny and soundless noise.
"I don't ask for something extreme but just don't forget. Please?" A tear shreds from his eye. "Live your life and maybe love someone again. Even a day on a year would be nice." He feels and looks like breaking.
Vegas gulped loudly and wraps his body on his chest. "Never. We will be okay, Pete. You are a fighter. You will survive from this, too." He presses his neck onto Pete's neck, smelling his sweet scent.
"There is a ring." He weeping quietly. "There is a ring in my drawer. Let's get married after your surgery."
Pete cries too. "You shouldn't tell me this." He smiles but it looks so sad that Vegas wants to pull all of his own hair and cry until he can't feel anything. His Pete doesn't deserve this pain. When his Pete smiles, his eyes are like crescent moon at night, bright and shiney. His sweet and pink lips always speaks gently with him. Sometimes shys away from Vegas, making weird loud noises and Vegas grin.
In the hospital, everyone is there. They say they're waiting for Pete. Tankhun is silent today, only taking napkins from Arm. Pete waves his hands while nurses sliding his bed to surgery room.
Vegas squeezes his hand for last time. "We will wait for you on your room. Don't be late." Words coming out of his mouth hurts his throat. His eyes shines with tears on corners but he smiles at his Pete.
Pete's face mirrors him. "I want my ring and curry, Vegas."
Stay with me. Stay.