Chapter Text
Snape isn't shaking. He also isn't crying. He can't - he, ah. Fuck , one, two, three tears drop to Sirius’ calf, and two right after on the bed right next to it. Fuck, no , fuck . Terrified, Snape looks up to meet Potter’s gaze because Sirius is still lying down, face flat on the mattress. But James saw. He can see the forlorn expression, the tears in his eyes, his desperate face.
“I wanted to apologize as well, Severus,” James whispers, as if the moment couldn't bear as much as a normal voice. “I’m sorry for all the cursing, hexing, shoving, and the name-calling, too.”
It takes three, four seconds, the gaze the Slytherin and Gryffindor hold. Afterwards, Severus shakes his head and looks back down, a few more tears falling down his long, slightly crooked nose.
Siri’s hand moves, and he gently touches the side of Snape’s robes, feeling the lanky thigh under it. “Are you crying?”
Snape sniffles as he says a quick “no,” while he tries to wipe his hears away with both hands.
“I didn't want to make you cry,” Padfoot says softly. He knows how to handle Jamie and Remy when they are crying. He’s mostly making fun of Wormtail when he is crying, but that’s because he’s a sissy.
“You didn't ,” Snape repeats with a determined voice, also slightly louder.
“Okay,” Siri agrees gently. “I didn't, then. But I’m still sorry. And I’m… I’m still thankful.”
Snape wants to leave . He wants to have his panic attack and a crying session. He isn't able to think straight now, there are too many emotions being had. Tonight was a hurricane, it would only become worse if Severus has made any decisions without sleeping on it first. He can't make calculated decision in this state. He needs to be alone, and he needs time. He has to stay quiet and think this entire evening through, but mostly, he has to stay quiet.
There’s a silence that isn't heavy, but it’s obvious they wait for Severus to say something, but he simply takes the cloth and wipes down Siri’s calf, all the way down to his ankle. “After this,” Severus sniffles and Siri’s and Jamie’s hearts quicken - is Snape going to talk about how their relationship is going to change after tonight?!, “I’ll go inform professors about the results. The two of you will have a long bath in the tincture.”
Ah. Well. That’s not what either of them expected.
“Wait, me too?” James asks, genuinely confused.
Severus isn't covering behind his bangs as much, but he still refuses to meet Potter’s gaze. “Yes.”
“Why?”
There it is. Questioning him, not trusting his instinct, not believing him when he says something. Are they looking for a threat? Are they done with pretending they are sorry? Severus takes the book that got left on the counter close to Sirius’ bed, and gives it to James, letting him read it himself. Potter seems surprised, and it seems Severus got offended, somehow.
“I just mean,” he decides to put the book aside, “am I in danger, too? Should I be afraid?”
Snape looks up. His eyes are red, puffed, still a bit glassy, but he’s not crying any more. “No. It’s a precaution.”
“And what about you, then? You aren't going with us?” James challenges.
Snape looks back down, cleaning Severus’ feet. James follows and does the same - he’s absolutely ready for a long bath. The tincture smells nice, and hopefully the water is going to be warm.
Severus is taking time with his answers, he’s done blurting shit out like he won't be held accountable for it just because he by chance saved Black’s life. Therefore, he’s not going to react. They are going to laugh at him for not having friends, being touch starved, for looking at their naked bodies and… reacting, probably. They would laugh at his slimy chest and hollow stomach with no abs. They would poke at him, laugh at his tiny cock and too big ball sack. They would be disgusted, and Snape can't take such punishment. He wants to keep at least some dignity.
“From what I understand,” the Slytherin decides to say busying himself with cloth folding, so he doesn’t have to look up, “you want to be alone to… do all the things you described in detail earlier.”
He’s blushing, James notices. He’s uneasy about it? Embarrassed about some gentle, relieved cuddling? And then another though crosses his mind, but surprisingly, Siri is faster than his younger friend.
“Tonight was… physically terrible of course, but I was… scared, and all the emotions and fear and all… cuddles make it all easier. Do you… you are afraid you’ll be third wheeling, right?”
Don't answer, Severus warns himself, it’s a trap . Do not answer. Just play it cool. “I’ll go inform our professors. Can you clean the bowls and put them under the counter? Thank you.”
Severus finishes folding all the used cloths, disposing them into the large basket in the corner of the room. Severus hopes he can have a few seconds outside alone to compose himself, but James is quicker, stopping him by a soft, “Severus.”
Taking a deep breath, Snape turns around.
“If we ask you to stay with us because we are still both shaken, and we prefer your calming presence, would you please stay with us?”
Snape freezes in shock, then looks up to finally meet Potter’s eyes. Then, still shocked, he asks the obvious: “Are… you saying you feel better with… me staying here.”
“Yes,” is Sirius’ as well as James’ immediate answer.
“We’d like you to stay with us here, please,” James offers a small smile. “Unless… you prefer your friends. We understand you need some cuddles yourself.”
Silence. Severus ducks his head, but he doesn't move away. Not yet. James waits a moment, there’s a question hidden in his statement. He is asking if there is someone who will take care of Severus without actually asking it. That would be just prying, and he has to be slow and careful with the stubborn Slytherin.
… But he forgot there is a stupid himbo laying in the bed, who doesn't have the social skills, nor the tact needed in this situation.
“I don't mean to, ah, pry, Severus, but… do you have someone who, ah, fuck… it kinda hurts to talk and breathe, ah, ah, at the same… time. Ah, someone who would cuddle you?”
Don't answer that question, either. It’s not a thing you want them to know. Do. Not. Answer. “No.”
Fuck , Snape rolls his eyes when he recognizes the shock on Potter’s face. He should have wrapped it in a half-lie at least, saying he doesn't need a cuddle, for fuck’s sake, he’s nearly an adult, or something. Straight, hard no like this just sounds pathetic.
“Solved, then,” Sirius sighs with a content smile, as if Severus didn't just admit he’s a poor, laughable, unwanted rubbish. “Bath. Cuddles. I nearly died, pamper me.”
James chuckles and gently ruffles his hair, leans down, and kisses his shoulder. “You are terrible, Siri.”
“I’ll go tell McGonagall you are alive and well,” Severus says thickly.
“But you come right back,” Sirius tries to lift his head again, failing. “Right? You come back and have a bath with us, and we’ll cuddle. Right?”
James is silently laughing, as he’s watching the reddening Slytherin go. “I told you. Cuddle-monster .”
Severus leaves their room, tells relieved McGonagall, Sprout, Pomfrey, and Flitwick he managed to break the curse perfectly, receives multiple praises, thanks, genuine admiration, and praise for his skills, a hundred points to Slytherin and a question if there’s anything needed.
Snape has two options. Tell them about the bath the two of them have and leave to find an empty classroom to spend the night crying, masturbating, and crying while masturbating , or he can… tell them they’ll stay in the room till the morning just to be sure and come back to them.
He can't… go back. They don't want him there. He would - it would be weird anyway, wouldn't it? They are going to cuddle, and kiss, and touch each other, and hold each other, and there are going to be gentle words of love and care again, and Snape would just… sit there, and what, watch them? Look into his own lap and wait a few hours? How awkward would it be, especially now that they know Severus doesn't have anyone who would do this for him?
But maybe… maybe they would thank him again. Perhaps they would tell him he’s done a good job. Maybe they’d even suggest that they don't hate him. Sirius said Snape saved his life, and maybe it would get mentioned again. And maybe someone would call him ‘Sev’ one more time. Because this is probably the last chance in his entire life to be close to another human being. And he would get to steal glances at their fit bodies.
They already hinted that Severus might need some reassuring himself, since tonight wasn't easy on him either, and just watching them cuddle and touch and kiss… what would happen? He’d surely cry and wouldn't be able to keep it quiet this time. He’d just listen to the words James is so good at, and ugly sob through it, alone in the corner, unwanted, unloved, uncared for.
…It’s decided, then.