Chapter Text
"What the hell is wrong with me?"
Harry had spent the previous days at Twelve Square Grimmauld. He would have been delighted to be there if he were not going through the most depressive days of his life.
The Order brought him here after the Ministry decided to expel him from Hogwarts over the stupidest law Harry had ever heard of. Sometimes, he wished he had left Dudley alone in that alley instead of saving that imbecile at the cost of his education.
Unlike Cedric.
Not wanting to join the others downstairs, he therefore opted to stay in bed for the rest of the day. Or Summer—who knew what would happen if he dared show himself outside? How relieved he was that Rita Skeeter was nowhere to be seen.
When he entered a room, they would stop talking and stare at him with pity, which annoyed Harry. He had been pitied his entire life and did not need his friends to start behaving the same way that strangers would. Although Ron and Hermione were great, he loved them from the bottom of his heart, but he could not stand anyone now. Nobody could ever imagine what he witnessed, and maybe that was his fault for not wanting to talk about it.
A knock disrupted his lost thoughts. “What?” he groaned, looking toward the door, hoping it was not Ron or Hermione.
“Hello there.” It was Sirius to Harry's relief. He looked at Harry with a smile on his face. “Dinner is almost ready.”
Harry remained silent.
"Oh, please, just get off this nasty bed," Sirius said, grimacing. "I hate seeing you like this."
“I'm not hungry,” Harry sighed. He was feeling quite nauseous. At that point, the grief might have eaten half of his insides.
Sirius walked over to the side of the bed and bent forward, offering him his hand. "If you don't come down, Molly will come up and make you eat."
Harry sat up and looked up at Sirius. "Is that a threat?"
Sirius raised one of his eyebrows. "No, unless you want to."
"I'm happy to see you," he said sincerely. He was aware of his miserable appearance, yet he still attempted to flatten his hair. "Really," he added when Sirius waved his hand to shut him off.
“It's alright, I'm not blaming you," Sirius answered, then paused, catching Harry's curious gaze. "After dinner, I'd like to show you something.”
Harry climbed down the stairs along with Sirius and entered the dining room. The scent was similar to the last time Harry had eaten at the Burrow. The smell of Molly's exquisite onion soup invaded his nostrils as a growl escaped from his stomach.
He did not get a chance to eat anything until now because he had spent the entire day sharing a bed with boredom.
All eyes were drawn to him. Molly was pouring the bowls of soup when she heard Harry.
She glanced up, beaming as she left her husband to serve the food.
“Harry, my dear!” She wrapped her hands around his red cheeks. “I'm glad you could join us for dinner; feel free to eat as much as you need!
Once she released him, he headed to the massive wooden table. He was about to sit down when startled, he heard a crack and felt hands on his shoulders.
"Good morning," greeted Fred with a wink.
"Did you just get out of bed?" George commented, checking Harry's clothes.
"I forgot," he answered, ashamed, and then took his seat. He was wearing an old pair of Dudley navy blue pyjamas. He still had his cousin's clothes that were twice as big as his normal size, which reminded him he needed to buy new ones.
“Is everything alright?” Sirius asked softly, as he sat next to him, giving him a slice of bread. Harry thanked him, purposefully ignoring his question.
He was positioned across from Hermione and Ron, while Tonks was having fun with Ginny on his left side.
He could sense their gaze but did not look up; instead, he ate until he was full without saying a word.
After everybody had finished, Harry returned to his room. Ron tried to follow him, but Hermione stopped him.
"He'll talk when he's ready."
Ron waited until Harry was gone before speaking. “He and I share a room, but he hasn't spoken to me since he arrived." He swallowed the lump in his throat. "Hermione, I'm worried."
Together, they made their way upstairs to the living room. "I also hear him mumbling in his sleep," he added in a whisper. "Last time he even screamed!" Hermione widened her eyes but did not seem so surprised.
She gave him a look full of guilt. "We made a mistake by listening to Dumbledore."
Ron slowly nodded.
"We should have written to him this summer," she hesitated, anxiously biting her lips. "We should have been there for him, especially after what happened."
Ron pressed his hands on her shoulders, attempting to reason with her. "Stop overthinking. We didn't have any choice; it was Dumbledore's decision.”
She let out a sigh as they stepped inside the gloomy room. One of the walls was covered with a tapestry of the Black family tree. The space was poorly lit since the thick curtains completely obscured the windows. The twins were seated on one of the sofas, testing their merchandise in front of the large fireplace. Hermione gave them a wary look.
Ron couldn't concentrate on what they were discussing. He was terribly concerned for his best friend.
Harry was exhausted. But on his way to his bedroom, Sirius held him back.
"Come with me."
Harry frowned in confusion. “Where? I thought we could stay in my room.”
“You'll see.”
Harry did not like that mysterious tone.
They were on a floor Harry had not explored yet. Clearly, someone had not cleaned this area in a while.
They stood in front of a door, next to Sirius' bedroom.
"Regulus Arcturus Black." Harry looked at Sirius, even more confused.
"It used to be my brother's room." He delicately brushed the door with his fingertips. "He left us young."
"Is he dead?" Harry asked bluntly.
“Yes." Sirius grinned as he pushed open the door. "Even if we weren't very close, you sometimes remind me of him."
The entire room was decorated in Slytherin colours, to Harry's disgust. It appeared that the room had been left untouched; there were dried ink drops and parchment on the nightstand as if someone else were still sleeping in there.
The Black family crest was painted above the green and silver bed. 'Toujours pur.'
But his attention was pulled to the opposite side of the room, where a little cabinet stood. There was an unfamiliar magic emitting from it, and Harry was strangely drawn to it.
Sirius was waiting behind the door frame. Perhaps being here was too painful for him.
After receiving Sirius's approval, Harry kneeled and opened the drawers.
Loads of books were stored within the cabinet. They all called to him with the faintest whispers, but only one caught his interest.
It was made of hefty dark purple leather. Its cover was blank with only the silver-coloured title, 'The Shadows of Necromancy by Alain Dugui.'
Harry looked back to the cabinet and dropped the book as he finally understood. His gaze shifted to his godfather.
“Why did you bring me up here?” he asked with a hint of shock behind his voice.
Sirius was brave enough to step inside, and he picked up the book Harry held. "I thought it would help keep your mind busy as you're always stuck in bed.”
Harry gaped at him. "It's dark magic, Sirius!"
Sirius smiled. "You don't have to read them if you don't want to," he said while flipping the pages of the book. "I never was too fond of necromancy, always scared of one of my ancestors appearing," he added bitterly.
Harry's eyes widened in bewilderment. "Have you ever performed dark spells?!"
Sirius glanced at him in amusement. Harry could not believe it.
"Sirius," Harry whispered, scanning the hallway in case someone was passing. “It's dark.”
He smirked. "Is that a problem? Harry, the practice of dark art is not what you would imagine. I am aware that the majority of people have prejudices about dark wizards, which is understandable considering what most of them did. But you can use it for good."
"Besides, I didn't encourage you to do anything but to just take a look at these. It would be quite helpful in your situation."
"In my situation?" Harry asked, almost ignoring the real subject of the conversation.
"Think about it."
Sirius was right. It suddenly occurred to him that he could use this against Voldemort. He returned, stronger than before. This time, Harry would not be able to defeat him with a simple disarming spell. "Okay, I'll think about it. But you must keep this between us." Sirius winked, which made Harry snort.
"Is there any information on... defensive spells?”
"I don't remember every book we possess." He narrowed his eyes. "But I believe Regulus has kept the most fascinating ones either here or in the library." Harry had not heard of the Black Library before; it seemed like that house was hiding a lot of things. "You should check it."
“Thank you.” Harry felt excited for the first time in a while and started examining the other drawers.
There were a lot of books about potions and herbology, and the few shattered vials gave him the hint that Regulus liked potions, unlike Harry. Under Sirius' attentive observation, he kept digging through his brother's belongings.
Until he heard someone calling his name from downstairs.
Harry grimaced. "It's Hermione."
"You can always come back later; they won't disappear. And Merlin, you really need to take a shower."
Harry chuckled. "Yeah, I'm going to do that. I just don't want to talk to them right now."
"You know, they're worried. We all are.”
Harry rolled his eyes. "I know.”
The hot water running over his skin helped him clear his mind for a few minutes.
Back in his room, where Ron was not yet, he unloaded his trunk and picked up his father's invisibility cloak. He wanted to know more about dark spells without drawing the attention of everyone. He tucked it beneath his pillow for later in the night.
“Harry!” He was startled by a voice from behind him. "What are you doing?"
He looked at Hermione with round eyes. Did she notice the cloak?
"I—er... I just got out of the shower and was preparing to go to sleep," he muttered, uncertain of himself, reaching for the back of his neck. "Did you need anything?"
'No, I just—' She appeared to be as uncomfortable as he was. "We were about to start a card game, Ron, Ginny, and I, and we were hoping you'd like to join us." She was anxiously fidgeting with her shirt, and Harry felt so sorry.
“Thank you for the proposition, but I'll pass.” Disappointment washed over her face, making Harry even more sorry.
“If you change your mind, we'll be in my room," she said. "Good night.” She gave him a soft smile before turning her heels to the door.
He felt awful. When Ron ignored him for months last year, he felt miserable. Like a part of him was missing. He could not do the same and ignore his friends for the remainder of the holidays.
I'm such an idiot.
"No, hold on." She immediately turned around and stared at him hopefully.
He cleared his throat in embarrassment. "Tomorrow would be nice."
“Really?!" she exclaimed, beaming as if she had been waiting for those words. "That's wonderful! Are you sure?"
“It's been a while since I had fun,” he said, making himself wince. Even without including Voldemort's resurrection and Cedric's death, it was true that last year was a total disaster.
There was an awkward silence.
Hermione looked like she wanted to ask something that would get him upset.
“What is it?” he asked, raising his eyebrows.
“I don't want to pressure you or something, but...” she pursed her lips, hesitating. “Have you thought of what you were going to say at the trial?”
Oh.
Harry had completely forgotten about the trial. All the stress was now flowing back through him.
He swallowed. "I'll simply tell them the truth. If they don't accept, well..." He shrugged.
Hermione stared at him with glassy eyes before falling into his arms.
"You did the right thing by defending yourself and your cousin! Nobody can understand what you're going through. But Harry, I'm afraid for you. We are afraid for you."
"Hermione..." He patted her back awkwardly.
"If I have to, I'll curse them and Dumbledore. Your place is with us at Hogwarts!"
He truly loved his friends. Harry let go of her embrace when Ron entered the room.
"Hey, mate," Ron said to him before turning towards Hermione. "Mom said we should go to bed; it's almost midnight."
"Is it already so late?" Hermione chuckled and shook her head. "I didn't even realise we had been playing for that long! I'm looking forward to our game tomorrow, Harry." She gave him a shoulder pat. "Good night, boys."
"Good night, 'Mione," they both replied.
She left, leaving space for another awkward silence.
Ron brushed his finger through the dust on the nightstand and cleared his throat to break the silence.
"It may be spacious, but Merlin, I wouldn't exchange the Gryffindor dormitory for anything. This place is creepy."
Harry smirked. "There were a lot of Slytherins in the Black family, so that makes sense. But I must admit that I'm starting to like it."
Ron froze. "I suppose it has its own charm..."
They both slipped under the sheets.
“Good night, Ron.”
“Do you want me to keep the light on?” his friend asked.
"No, I'm fine. Why? Are you scared that a spider might crawl into your pyjamas during the night?”
“No!” His voice cracked. "I was just asking." He raised his wand, his wrist slightly shaking. "Nox."
"Good night, Harry . "
And now, Harry had to wait for his friend to fall asleep before sneaking into Regulus' bedroom.