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He loves me…
Plucking another petal from the grasp of the cecilia’s stem, Kaeya murmured the next line of this childish game.
He loves me not…
A sigh flooded through his barely parted lips similar to the rushing of water through an ajar dam. Bringing his walk to a halt, he stared down at his hands for a moment - more notably, the bespeckled fragments of pollen that decorated his dark gloves. He had been told as a child to evade the cecilia flowers within his adopted father’s garden, for the pollen ingrained itself into clothing and made a garden within even the most impenetrable of materials, yet distractions arose and he had since plucked numerous cecilia flowers from the ground of Starsnatch Cliff.
Another deep sigh.
The bouquet within his clenched hand seemed so meaningless now, for he had allowed his mind to become entangled within childish games that played on a whimsical hope with no basis within reality… and he had shed the flowers he had plucked of the petals that made them so enticing in the first place. Despite this, he plucked the final one from what he hoped would be his final victim, feeling the stem strain against his fingers in a desperate attempt to maintain its final petal.
He loves me?
Such a fight came to no avail. The stem drifted down to his feet, strangled stalk beside pristine boot, and Kaeya momentarily considered stomping on the flower’s stalk. With a shaking head, he decided to be merciful, and he instead continued walking down the cliff towards the city he dubbed home without the weight upon the word. Cecilias crept closer to his chest, sweetness drifting up to his nose in an attempted assassination of his senses. He cleared his throat, and as his face contorted to a scowl, he pondered whether Lisa’s advice of utilising flower language would truly come to any avail.
While Kaeya had often been revered for his ability to charm, when he found himself on the receiving end of such charm, he lacked the ability to pursue such feelings.
After all, his ‘charm’ was often good-natured kindness misconstrued as affection; truly, he had no real interest in such relationships, especially not with strangers. He had presumed himself to lack the capacity for attraction entirely, and while such an assumption still held truthful ground, he had also appeared to have fallen for another soul in a way he could not entirely make sense of.
Worst part was? He was due to see the other soul in question later that very day, to… discuss Klee’s free time. While part of Kaeya wished it were for other reasons, he did adore that little one, and it made him incredibly happy to discuss such a ball of light in his life.
Perhaps if he drew out every single step, elongating the walking process and taking his time in embedding his heel into the soil beneath him, such a visit would be delayed.
Albedo may have gotten caught up within another experiment or painting, after all… well, Kaeya could only hope , for there was a chance that Albedo would be sitting waiting for the fool with the flowers clasped to his chest to walk through his door.
As he continued to walk towards the city, Kaeya’s mind fell upon the object of his affections once more. Perhaps if he had stuck more rigidly to the original rules of the game he played at the beginning of his walk, his heart would not be racing upon an unfinished track of hope. After all, due to the incomplete nature of the track, his heart would only be hurling itself towards an inevitable wall of rejection, with a pace that could be linked to both adoration and fear. Nonetheless, he pondered.
He pondered where the shift had occurred, where Albedo had gone from simply a pretty face, to a face that Kaeya desired close to his own.
He pondered whether he could find words for such desires, for they did not match something typical. While Kaeya knew that the typical declaration of desire was what many dreamed of, he also believed that Albedo was deserving of something more - his only concern was whether that was what the other man would want.
He pondered whether he was setting himself up for inevitable failure, for offering his heart upon a plate in such a vulnerable state made it far more susceptible to dissection. Albedo was not a cruel tempered man, but he had an affinity for digging deeply, and his curiosity could well leave Kaeya bleeding out in the process.
And, on that matter, Kaeya pondered whether he was overthinking this all to a concerning degree.
Likely the most truth he had thought of all day, in fact…
Another sigh. His eyes crept up to the light sky above him, and with his sole uncovered one, he wondered if the clouds pitied him. A lonely man clasping the lilies of heaven to his chest, gambling with their blinding tendencies as they lingered close to his uncovered eye. Perhaps that was the charm of the flower - the thrill in challenging heavenly powers and maintaining vision at the end of the duel.
He had no intention to challenge heavenly powers, yet fate seemed to enjoy throwing him into duels he had no say in.
If not even the higher powers pitied him, would the clouds that shielded these higher powers even consider it an option? Would they just gaze upon him within their unmoving stare, spectating his suffering and applauding those who inflict it?
Fate, forever the cruelest player within any game… including towards those who never once wished to play against it.
Ah, what a pitious existence… how had his mind even wandered so far? In his mind's wandering, he had forgotten to put his physical wandering to a halt, and he refocused his eyes to the kind greeting of a branch smacking him in the face.
Raising his free hand to his scratched face, he hissed in discontent and stood still.
“Truly deserving of my Calvary Captain title, aren’t I…?” He mumbled, albeit through gritted teeth, “I can’t even miss a branch directly in front of me…” As his eyes continued to focus, his glance fell upon the city walls behind the branch. After a swift duck underneath the branch, he continued to stride towards his intended location, ignoring how every step felt indubitably elevated by jolts of excitement.
Eventually, he found himself in front of Albedo’s door. Dread seeped through his body and into his legs, rendering him frozen in place; it greatly contrasted his internal screams to run and leave the flowers and his dignity behind. After a deep inhale, he knocked against the door, and awaited the anticipated greeting.
Standing in the hall with flowers clasped to his chest.
‘Oh, to any Archons listening, please ensure no one else sees me in this state.’
“Hello…?” Kaeya felt Albedo’s melodious tone grace his ears through a crack of the door. He nearly sighed in relief, and he leaned a little closer to the door, almost whispering his reply.
“It’s only me, Albedo. As we discussed yesterday.” Acknowledging Albedo’s wariness, due to a distaste of disturbance, he backed away from the door with a step and continued, “If you would like, you can see for yourself.” After a pause - one he presumed to be due to Albedo thinking - the door creaked open further. His eyes fell upon Albedo’s face, and Kaeya deemed himself mesmerised.
With wispy hair weaved from gold gently caressing his porcelain skin, Kaeya always stared at him and wondered if he was truly real. Violet brush strokes underneath his eyes accompanied the wrinkles signifying simultaneous exhaustion and humanity - in contrast to skin like snow, such eye bags added a degree of intensity to his gaze. Eyes with depth reminiscent of the ocean gazed upon the flowers clasped to Kaeya’s chest, and Kaeya felt his breath hitch within his throat.
His beauty was so perfect. He can’t have been entirely human.
Yet, the fall and rise of his chest and the warmth expelled from his softened gaze reminded Kaeya that he was living and breathing in front of him, regardless of how his beauty made him seem unreal.
“You are here to discuss Klee, correct?” The feathery voice floated towards Kaeya, making his own voice trap itself within his throat out of shame, and he gave a swift nod. Albedo reciprocated the nod, looking to the floor as he opened the door to allow the other man entry. “Apologies for the caution. I am not particularly fond of allowing just anyone entry into my space - both a precautionary act, but also a personal discomfort.”
“It’s okay, truly.” Upon taking a step into the room, he shuffled so he took up minimal space and shut the door behind him. “You’re not particularly fond of others, if my memory serves me correctly?”
“I… wouldn’t quite put it like that.” Clearing his throat, Albedo wandered over to the nearest chair, where he took off his outer jacket and draped it across the headrest. Almost instinctively, Kaeya averted his gaze and dragged his eyes to the floor, only barely catching a glimpse of the other man’s arms before deciding it would be far too risky for his heart. “I have a fascination from afar, yes. But, being up close with people…” Though Kaeya wasn’t looking at Albedo, a shudder was presumed, “It truly overwhelms me. Especially when they don’t level their volume or maintain distance.”
“That’s incredibly understandable.” As Kaeya spoke, he approached the table nearest to him and lowered the flowers upon it, holding a hand near the petals out of a wariness for damage, “I… While I cannot say I relate to the feeling of being overwhelmed, especially due to the groups I socialise with often, I do understand the frustration of having boundaries disrespected,” a momentary pause, and Kaeya felt eyes burning into his back as he spoke - an instinctive awareness, when you have spent your whole life being watched and fearing discovery, “though, I hope I have never contributed to the feeling you describe.”
“You… you definitely possess your own set of boundaries near me, to put it lightly.” Finally glancing over at Albedo, Kaeya watched the other man turn around and tend to a vase overflowing with blooming cecilias - they truly were something he was fond of, it seemed. It also seemed there had been a mutual agreement concocted within the silence: no eye contact. How perplexing, that the aversion of gaze was mutual, yet Albedo had previously expressed no issue with eye contact (in fact, Kaeya had heard Sucrose jokingly say that he made too much eye contact). “Not that it’s at all unwelcome, though...” This made Kaeya’s lips curl into a smile he did not give them permission for, and he swiftly brought a hand up to his lips to cover the exposed weakness.
“Do you truly mean that?”
“Yes. Why?”
“Ah, I just… I suppose I feared I could be a little overbearing at times… In truth, I wasn’t sure whether us being close was a mutual perception at all.” Albedo visibly paused. Kaeya began to shift his weight upon his legs in a desperate attempt to fidget the nerves out of his system, fully aware of the vulnerability he had spewed into the world, and fully unaware of why he allowed himself to do so.
All while Albedo stood, unmoving.
Was there judgment within that impenetrable mind of his? Conjuring up a way to forget that he had ever heard such pathetic vulnerability, and with it, forget the existence of Mondstadt’s Calvary Captain with it? Or just shrug it off, hope they mutually agree within the silence to never bring it up again? Feeling his throat tighten, he took a sharp breath and presumed it to be his last.
Perhaps cecilias truly spewed toxins, and he was falling victim to their attempts at suffocation.
“You don’t have to worry about that…” a hushed whisper flowed through Albedo’s lips, and as the wind took his next utterance, Kaeya realised why it had been so hushed, “Kaeya…” At the mention of his name, he blinked a few times, unaware of the stabilisation of his breathing.
“You… you said my name.” Of all the things Kaeya had learnt about this man, his struggle to directly refer to people by their names was one of them - the only exception was Klee, for the obvious reason of her being his sibling. He often weaved around it, as if he were within an obstacle course. Nobody really knew why, nor did they think to press him about it - they’d much rather he did whatever felt most comfortable. To Kaeya, it wasn’t only the fact that his name had been said that made his heart swell so much - it was the gentle tone in which it emerged, as if his name had been laced with sugar prior to being spoken.
Having grown up with love of any kind being torn from his grasp and being left with bleeding palms, he knew how to recognise it in voice alone.
“I did. Please do not expect it too often.”
“I won’t. I was just… a little surprised, is all.” Albedo bit back a small smile, and walked over to Kaeya.
“I shared similar surprise, if we are admitting things right now.” Standing directly in front of Kaeya, Albedo outstretched a hand and caressed his cheek under the guise of moving his hair out of the way, and whispered, “I know most people would fixate on your charm as a main reason for your likeability, but I believe I’m seeing a fragment of the real you right now.”
“Ah, so you believe I’m charming, dear Albedo?” The scowl that contorted Albedo’s face made Kaeya’s fall, and he swiftly added, “I’m sorry, please forgive such a poor response.”
“It’s quite alright… that’s a real part of you too - how utterly terrible you are at charming people.” He stood on the tips of his boots as he spoke, reaching up to continuously tuck stray strands of Kaeya’s hair behind his ear. While Kaeya refused to jump to conclusions, he entertained the thought that maybe — just maybe — Albedo lingered near his face like this out of adoration.
“I am not that terrible at it - I’ve charmed countless people to give me information before.”
“Is that truly something you should be sharing with me, Cavalry Captain?”
“It’s not as if I make much attempt to hide my true intentions,” he grabbed Albedo’s hand and held it to his cheek, leaning into it as he stared directly down into his eyes, “I just appear to wrap people’s hearts around my little finger with ease, wouldn’t you say?”
"If you are attempting to charm me , you are being incredibly blatant with it." Despite his deep sigh, Albedo stroked his thumb across Kaeya's cheek, and Kaeya internally deemed the attempt a success. “Besides…” Albedo’s hand reached down to Kaeya’s chin, and while he only held it for a moment, Kaeya believed his heart was in the other man’s grasp as well, “I have more pressing concerns about you right now.”
“Wha…” a whisper could not adequately describe the air that escaped Kaeya’s throat, yet a simple breath could not describe it adequately either; though he cleared his throat and attempted to try again, his aforementioned breathlessness left his cheeks ablaze with flame unsightly for a Cryo vision holder, “what do you mean?”
“Are you often coated in scratches such as these?” As he spoke, Albedo lowered Kaeya’s chin to better his view, and in doing so led Kaeya’s eyes scampering in any direction other than directly forward.
“I, uh…” as the other man took a step back, Kaeya readjusted his posture and chuckled away the rising dread within his stomach, “I may have… walked into a tree branch on my way here.”
Albedo blinked a few times.
As did Kaeya.
Then, Albedo slapped his hand to his mouth and looked away - whether he was stifling a laugh or hiding a gasp was something Kaeya didn’t wish to contemplate, for either was mortifying. He adjusted the weight upon his legs once more, and stared over at the other man, whose expression remained perennially difficult to read.
Despite this aforementioned difficulty, however, he could have sworn a brush of pink had decorated his porcelain cheeks; porcelain was typically difficult to paint due to the length it took for the painter, so how had he crafted such a picturesque result in such a short time?
“If that’s the case, then come sit.”
“Hm?” Kaeya’s head perked up, and his eyes dropped to Albedo’s pointed hand towards the nearest seat. “Are you planning to investigate me or something, hm?”
“No, quite the opposite, in fact.” He turned his back to the other man once more, and grabbed a handkerchief strewn across his desk. Despite the furrowed brow drilling itself into his forehead, Kaeya lowered himself onto the seat that had been previously gestured to and placed his hands in his lap.
“Look, Albedo… if you’re worried about these tiny scratches, it’s fine, really. They’re like cat scratches, and I’ve had those in far worse places-”
“Such as?” Kaeya paused for a moment, raising a hand to his chin.
“...one of them nearly took my eye out once.”
“I’m guessing it’s not the eyepatched one,” Kaeya swiftly stifled a snort of laughter, though Albedo’s tone remained scarily serious, “...apologies if that was a poor subject to comment on.”
“It wasn’t!” An automatic interjection, “I just thought you were joking at first, but… I thought about it for a moment and started to doubt it…”
“I’m not incapable of making jokes, Kaeya.” A far lighter tone than had been previously spoken floated from Albedo’s lips, to a point Kaeya readjusted his posture and leaned towards Albedo as if to hear it once more. The other man remained oblivious to Kaeya’s desperation, dampening the handkerchief and rinsing it of any excess water; he had played his cards well, for in his obliviousness to one man’s desperation, the other was oblivious to the smile creeping across his face.
“Yeah, I could tell by your wonderful portrait of me in Klee’s collection,” Albedo’s neck whipped around. For a split second, the speed at which he turned made his head appear detached.
“Klee showed you that?” Though he had made attempts to level the alarm in his voice, the shock had tangled a web around his voice box, leading to it creeping out of his throat as if it were a spider he had struggled to swallow. To this, Kaeya leaned back into the chair a little and chuckled - he was not the only one to easily wind up, it seemed.
“Yeah. I told her to draw me a smile next time she wants to do art, and that when she does, I’ll be the one with her.”
“Well, she does speak of you highly,” as he spoke, he approached Kaeya upon the seat, and stood above him once more; with one hand, he raised Kaeya’s chin to face him, and with the other, he began gently patting his face with the handkerchief, “always asking when you’ll next be here.”
“It’s a good thing I had initially arrived to discuss spending more time with her then, isn’t it?” A hushed tone that received an indecipherable expression in response. For some reason, though, it made Kaeya’s heart tremble a little. He clasped his mouth shut — apart from the occasional wince, of course, he’s not that incredible — and stared up at Albedo. His gaze lay upon the thin slices within Kaeya’s face, with lowered eyelids and furrowed brows signifying concentration, and Kaeya couldn’t help but wonder why he had gotten so concerned in helping him at all. If they were severe cuts, perhaps he’d have understood the insistence a little better. But for somebody like Albedo, who found being around people for even a small period of time to drain his energy, to insist on a means of keeping Kaeya around… it made no sense. It wasn’t as if Kaeya was unfamiliar with his burnout, either - he had escorted Albedo back to the Knights of Favonius before when his fascination brought him too close to being overwhelmed during previous events, due to recognising the symptoms of distress from himself and his br… the other man he had grown up with.
Yet, Albedo had kept him around.
Perhaps it was for good reason: if these cuts were left to fester, they may have become infected or, even worse, unsightly. Despite this good reason, Kaeya just couldn’t fathom why Albedo of all people had taken it upon himself to do so.
Or why he had held his chin with such a tender grasp, as if he were going to bridge the gap, or something equally as ridiculous…
“I’m sorry,” was all he felt able to mumble. He raised his hands to grab Albedo’s collar, and pulled him towards him. In the process, Albedo had tumbled upon Kaeya’s lap, laying one hand upon his chest and fumbling with the other, unsure whether to discard the handkerchief and embrace the other man or just rest his hand in the air. Kaeya’s grip upon Albedo’s collar tightened, mostly due to his racing heart causing clarity in arguably the worst time, and he messily pulled Albedo’s lips onto his. As their lips met, Kaeya’s entire body relaxed, and he raised a hand from collar to neck to better guide the other man towards him - it seemed Albedo had far more experience than him, for he took the opportunity to readjust himself on Kaeya’s lap and further lean into the kiss. Anything within Kaeya’s head melted away within the warmth of Albedo’s embrace, and if it weren’t for the back of the seat digging into his back, he could have sworn the entire room had melted away as well. He allowed a hand to fall to Albedo’s waist and pulled away momentarily to catch his breath, feeling the other man’s gasps of hot air fall against his lips in the process.
With caution, he opened his eyes.
Albedo stared back at him, expression indecipherable yet face blotched in red.
“...I’m so sorry, that was so-” he attempted to apologise once more, hoping it would make up for his impulsivity, yet Albedo clasped his cheeks in his hands and forced his gaze upon him.
“Stop saying sorry,” while the attempted tone had clearly been that of a stern command, due to his breathless state, it emerged in a way that made Kaeya’s breath catch, “I… I’ve wanted to do that to you for a long time.”
“...you have?” With a grimace, Albedo threw his head into Kaeya’s shoulder. “ You have ?”
“I thought you were meant to be some incredible charmer.” He sighed deeply, and sat up to face the other man, “And here I feared I had been obvious today.”
“Look, Albedo, I… I’ve never actually been on the receiving end of affection like that, okay? It’s way easier to jokingly flirt or pretend you know what you’re doing when you don’t want anything back…” placing a hand on Albedo’s back, he ran his hand up and down it a few times before adding, “it took me long enough to realise I wanted anything in the first place.”
“I don’t understand what all the people of Mondstadt see in you.”
“You clearly see something, since you’ve apparently wanted to kiss me for a long time, an-” cutting him off entirely, Albedo threw himself up and grabbed Kaeya’s face once more, placing a quick kiss on his lips; Kaeya could barely swallow back his grin, and frankly, he didn’t think he wanted to.
Then, the door interrupted them.
Luckily, it was only a knock, but still.
In their alarm, the two both froze, only for Kaeya to nearly throw Albedo off of his lap in an attempt to get up. For a millisecond, a glimpse of betrayal etched itself upon Albedo’s face, though the growing loudness of the knocks offered no reassuring shield to their affections and he took to reclaiming his jacket instead.
“How much do you want to bet that that’s Klee outside?” Kaeya called to Albedo, running his fingers through his hair in an attempt to neaten them.
“Oh, it most definitely is.” Albedo called back, only to walk over to Kaeya and place a kiss on his cheek before adding, “Though, if you’re serious about the betting… you can always take me to dinner if it is.”
“Wait, you want to do this again?” Struggling to bite back a groan, Albedo eased into a smile when he saw the warmth radiating from Kaeya’s grin. His eyelids lowered, and he admired the constellations within the other man’s eye.
“Yes, Kaeya. I would love to.” KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK. The bellowing punches against wood became too much to bear, and Albedo momentarily feared the door would fall to the ground in defeat after such an onslaught of attacks. “Though, I do believe this is where we part.”
“Unfortunately…” He turned to the door, only to quickly turn back around and place a kiss on Albedo’s forehead. Just as he turned back around to open it, Klee tumbled through the door, clenching numerous drawing pads to her chest. “Klee, what a pleasant surprise!”
“I…!” She attempted to push herself up to a standing position, despite Albedo rushing to her and outstretching his arms in aid. After about two attempts, she gave in and allowed Albedo to lift her up, “I was trying really hard to open the door and see you, big bro, but the door handle is still too tall for Klee to reach!”
“Ah… I still have to talk about having that changed, don’t I?” Klee nodded furiously, and Kaeya looked upon the two siblings with warmth in his heart, just as her gaze fell upon him fully.
“What’s Kaeya doing here…? It’s not playtime yet, is it?” He chuckled, and walked over to kiss her forehead.
“No, I just…” His glance fell upon the flowers he had arrived with, and he prayed Albedo would not take offense to his excuse, “I just came to bring you flowers, see?” He gestured for Albedo and Klee’s gaze to follow his pointed hand, “Albedo was going to put them in a pretty vase so you and Dodoco could look at them, and maybe he could even tell you about what they mean.”
“That’s so cool!” A wide grin stretched upon Klee’s cheeks, and Kaeya couldn’t help but reach out and squeeze her cheeks a little, mirroring her glee.
“It is!” His arms fell to his side, and though he addressed Klee, his gaze fell upon Albedo, “It’s time for me to go now though, so I’ll see you soon, okay?”
“See you later, Kaeya!” As she began furiously waving, Albedo put Klee down by his side and offered a little wave of his own.
“Goodbye, Kaeya.”
“Goodbye, you two.” The door shut behind him with a click.
While Klee instantaneously burst into rambles about her day, Albedo’s gaze flickered over to the flowers he had been greeted with at the start of such an eventful day. He walked over to them, ensuring he kept an ear out for Klee’s sake, and took a wounded cecilia from the bouquet; where Kaeya had been previously plucking them in his ‘game’, he had forgotten to finish the job on one fateful victim. Thus, Albedo leaned against his desk, and helped by plucking each petal one by one.
However, in defiance of the rules of the game, he only muttered one phrase under his breath:
He loves me.