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On a dull December night with nothing better to do, with Jay safely stowed away with a new game, Sam went to the first girls night of her life.
She hadn’t been invited to a girls night in those specific words but she thought that was the general idea. She had been shoveling the (very large) driveway when Hetty had approached her with the idea and Sam had made it all the way to the road before she realized what the ghost was really getting at.
The ghosts had an unfortunate tendency to mix modern English with the syntax of their time in life. Hetty also seemed to play it up on purpose when she thought she needed more respect.
“Sure I’ll have a girls night with you guys, I never got to have one of those as a kid.” She had said when enough snow had been removed that any hypothetical lost travelers could see the sign and think that what they desperately needed was a hotel in a fancy old house with a very traversable driveway.
“A girls night? Why, what a curious turn of phrase. I think we all are grown women despite what Flowers' behavior indicates.”
“Ladies salon for discussing things not meant for the masculine ear then.”
Hetty had sniffed away murmuring under her breath about how hard it was to be a hostess. Sam didn’t take this to heart even before she recalled that she would end up having to do the actual work of the hosting.
While decorating Flowers and Albertas room she had asked why Stephanie wasn’t invited. According to Alberta Stephanie only hung out with boys because they were less drama. According to Flower Stephanie was too much of a Pisces.
“But I’m also a Pisces?”
“Oh Sam… We know.” Flower said with a lot of sympathy. Her hand squeezed the air an inch above Sams’ shoulder.
At exactly seven pm Hetty strode into the room and halted in her steps.
Sam had tried to go for a salon vibe for about ten minutes before she gave up and put blankets and pillows everywhere. She had scented candles and some board games (the type that didn’t need special dice) and, after some internal debate, no snacks - but a cup of hot chocolate for her. In a concession to the season she strung up fairy lights and chose cinnamon scented candles instead of vanilla.
Alberta and Flower already lounged on the blankets as Hetty walked around the entire room, sneered at a blanket, started to sit down on the bed, changed her mind, moved to a large pillow, sat down on it, and stood up again to rearrange her incorporeal skirts before settling into a graceful lean.
“Ladies, it is my pleasure to declare the ladies salon of Woodstone opened.” Hetty paused until the other women gave her a little round of applause. “ Samantha, you don’t know this but being invited to one of my salons is a great honor for a woman of your stature. In my day the Woodstone salons were famed, we hosted the Vanderbilts once!”
“Thank you? I mean, I am really excited. Haven’t gotten around to googling the Vanderbilts yet but I'm sure that’s really cool. So what do we do at the girls salon, talk about the boy ghosts?”
Hetty gasped in horror.
The other two ghosts nodded emphatically.
“Who do you think the cutest boy ghost is?” Flower asked, leaning in. “Thor right?”
“Don’t give her ideas, let her make her own decisions. Anyway that Trevor has quite the gams.”
“Hetty what do you think?”
“I will not objectify men in that way”
Alberta snorted.
“Sam? Please help us out here.” Flower pleaded.
“I guess Trevor is-“ Sam said.
“Oh I knew it!” Alberta said “you think he’s the bee’s knees, you think his face is cute.”
“She thinks his butt is cute!”
“A married woman shouldn’t-“ Hetty tried to interject, hardly making a dent in the fuss Alberta and Flower were making.
“No!” Hetty said, furiously rising up in a flurry of rustling ectoplasmic fabric “You shall not make a mockery of girls night!”
She stormed off right through the closed door.
The other women exchanged glances and Alberta followed her.
She found Hetty not far away, in her own room.
“How are you doing?”
“I’m fine!”
“Come on, you can talk to me.”
“I’m not upset if that's what youre thinking. I had simply been looking forward to talking about something besides men. I know you live with Flower so you get to converse on the feminine subjects all the time but it is more rare for me. I do live with a soldier you know? And he invites Nigel over way too much.”
“Of course, this is just like when my friend Kitty got mad I just talked about bootlegging all the time. I mean my stories were way more exciting than hers, she was a waitress and she just complained about her boyfriends and bad tippers, and here I had just set a stable on fire and fled in an automobile with two russians so I really dont think anyone can blame me. I'm sorry, we should force Isaac to be a gentleman and sleep somewhere else.”
Hetty muttered something about how that wasn’t the point.
“Won’t you come back, we can play a parlour game, I know how much you like parlour games.”
“We have to do this for Sam. She needs us; she's all alone with only her husband. Imagine if the only person you had to talk to you was your husband.”
“Well I did enjoy a good game of oliver twist or huckle buckle beanstalk back in my day, I suppose.” Hetty admitted.
Alberta beamed.
“You know, before you died I was the only female ghost and I know I haven’t always expressed my gratitude for your company as well as I should, but I value you as a friend. I have relished having someone I can talk to without confusing the men with the ideas from my weak female brain.”
“I know Hetty, I love you too. Let's play nice with the new kid.”
Together they returned to the others. Alberta explained that they got off on the wrong foot and should take the opportunity to talk about girl stuff like books and music.
Sam questioned whether music was really a girl thing.
Alberta glared, making a threatening gesture.
“Uh, maybe we can phrase it like Hetty just has other interests? There’s nothing wrong with that.”
Flower explained that music has a connection to feminine womb energy, and while she believed in equality men just didn’t get it the same way.
“See now that makes total sense. Very scientific. We were thinking we could play a parlour game, to get the salon started more properly.”
“Yay! I love games.” Flower said, clapping her hands,
“Is that some weird Victorian thing?”
“You’ll get the hang of it. The one I was thinking of is called Charades.”
“Oh sure I can do charades, is that really a girls night thing though?”
“We've clearly had more female friends than you, I think you just need to trust us on the content of a ladies salon and stop complaining.”
“Yeah Sam! I was married to a woman. I think I know what counts as girl stuff.”
Sam found she couldn’t counter that, despite feeling some misgivings about the general concept of womb energy.
Flower immediately stepped up to start the game, doing a very good impression of a bear.
Alberta performed what, to Sam, looked mostly like a shaky dance. Flower clocked it as Anthroposophy in seconds.
It took them a good while to interpret Hettys’ Rutherford B. Hayes but Alberta cheered in delight when she guessed correctly.
Hetty told them that that one used to really kill it at her old salons.
“We didn’t play any games when I went to salons.” Alberta said. “But I did sing at some, the Stettheimer sisters invited me to perform once. It was quite the party.”
“You know I haven’t been to any salons but I was in a really cool book club back when I lived in New York. We read so many great obscure books like The Kite Runner, or Water for Elephants. When we read The Help I think everyone cried.”
“Well we havent heard of any of those.”
“No one has heard of Gilbert and Sullivan either and I have to listen to a lot of talk about them.”
“Everyone knows Gilbert and Sullivan!”
“Well we do now in any case. Whether we wanted to or not.”
“I think it’s nice that we can listen to things together more now, it used to be so hard to read books before you came here.”
“Mhm, I do not miss the days of everyone trying to read over the shoulder of one living, Isaac got very pushy.”
“I really need to find a library around here because I’m paying way too much for audible credits considering everyone’s eclectic tastes.”
“I really enjoyed the last collection of short stories you purchased,” Hetty said “I think I like that Wilde fellow even he is, you know-”
“Homosexual?” Sam asked.
Hetty slowly breathed out through her nose “No”
“A socialist?” Flower asked, eyes wide.
Hetty shriveled her mouth together.
“Oh, you mean Irish!” Alberta guessed, with just as much glee as when guessing at charades.
“Why is this still such a big thing?” Sam whispered to Alberta.
“It’s easiest to take one thing at a time with her. At least she hasn’t realized Trevor is jewish yet, that’s going to be a mess.” Alberta whispered back.
“What was that?”
Alberta quickly explained that she and Flower had both read Lady Chatterleys Lover and thought it should be their next audiobook.
“Isn’t that the really horny one?” Sam asked.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Alberta replied, giving a saucy wink. And then several more winks, for good measure, in case someone had missed her point.
“No it is the horny one, it was actually really pivotal literature and, like, a huge deal for the sexual revolution when they dropped censorship of it.” Flower protested, continuing to explain in detail how it was about female fulfillment and “also like, the power of love, man.”
Seemingly overcome by the jovial mood, and Flowers' very striking recollection of some key scenes from the novel, Hetty admitted that she thought Trevor would make a handsome stable boy. She spoke with an air of great magnanimity, like a king giving a favor to a supplicant.
Flower squealed in delight.
As they spoke, snow started falling outside.
“This really is a beautiful house.” Alberta sighed. “I could have haunted somewhere way worse.”
“Wait I just shoveled the driveway, I can’t believe I have to do it all over again.”
“You really take on too much Sam, I would help you but alas my hands are tied.”
Sam smiled.
“No you wouldn’t. But I’m glad you’re here anyway.”