Chapter Text
Atsumu Miya knew that when a person approached him it was for something specific, never because they really wanted to be with him. He forced himself to learn to live with it, because he learned that no one really liked him and no one wanted to be with him.
He spent most of the time without company. During breaks he went to the terrace of his school to eat or to practice more volleyball in the gym, but he never did it with someone. It wasn't a problem for him, he had been alone most of his life, many times his only company was his twin brother.
Although it hurt him to accept it, he knew that no one wanted to be with him, his attitude was not the best and it was already too much for the people around him, outsiders didn't need to deal with it. His teammates only accepted him because there was no better setter than him, they had no choice but to leave him on the team.
Atsumu understood why people preferred to be with his brother instead of him, even though he would prefer his brother. His brother had everything good that he didn't get at birth, Osamu was everything Atsumu ever wanted to be.
Atsumu never said it, but the truth was that he felt lonely most of the time. He was looking for someone who wanted to be around him by choice and not because they wanted to get some benefit from him, someone who really loved him for who he is.
Many times he wished that only Osamu had existed. Perhaps his twin's life would have been easier and more fun if only Atsumu didn't exist. Osamu was everything people loved, that's why they asked him out, that's why he had more friends, that's why he was never alone and didn't live in the shadows like him.
His brother tried not to leave him alone, he tried to integrate him into his group of friends, include him in outings, but Atsumu was not an idiot and from the first time he went to a place where he was clearly not invited, he never accepted requests for His brother, as much as Osamu insisted on dating new people to become friends, Atsumu did not go out with his brother and his friends again.
He knew that he was a nuisance and that everyone would do their best to get rid of him, they all preferred Osamu and Atsumu saw no problem in that.
Even though Atsumu didn't want to be left without Osamu, because he was his brother, his best friend, he didn't want to meddle in his twin's life. Atsumu didn't want to be selfish, he knew that Osamu had a life and he loved him so much that he didn't want him to cling to him. He wanted to let him be free and not be a burden to him, something he would have to deal with for his whole life because Atsumu had no social skills that he knew would affect him in the future.
Being displaced, ignored and forgotten was just the beginning of a problem, no one paid attention that Atsumu really would do anything to have friends. Because Atsumu was willing to do anything to receive someone's company, without caring that he brought consequences at some point.
Atsumu Miya was alone and people did not realize what a serious problem this was.
I wouldn't say that the first time he saw Atsumu Miya he felt hate, if there was a low level of interest, but he never hated him. On the other hand, Osamu Miya was nice to everyone, there was something in Osamu that made people get along with him, quite the opposite of his blond twin.
He was never going to forgive himself for what he did, because he had become Osamu's best friend. He had given his trust and I trust that he would be good to his brother and he ruined everything. Osamu told him how he felt during the day, they shared his sorrows and happiness. But he probably regrets ever calling him a best friend.
Suna had made the worst mistake of his life.
Atsumu had never been a bad person, his attitude was perhaps not the best and his social skills were the worst, but he had simply grown up with the idea that his brother was better than him at everything and that he would never get as far as him. So Atsumu always thought it was true, because the opinions of others mattered more than his own and he couldn't do anything because he knew nothing more than that, that's what he had been taught and he never thought otherwise.
Suna once made the mistake of talking to Atsumu on a break.
He remembers that Osamu had not been there that day, and since he had not told him anything, he decided to ask his brother. He knew that Atsumu ate only on the roof of the Inarizaki facility, and surprisingly no one went there for the same reason.
He saw him having a quiet lunch, his blond hair moved with the wind and he looked with interest at his bento savoring the food. He jumped when he heard the door leading to the roof open and didn't relax when he saw Suna either. He knew Atsumu was tense and anxious but he didn't back down and instead stayed.
In his mind lives the strange look that he gave him, he saw him as a scared puppy, he approached where he was sitting and decided to eat with him, he did not want to sound rude when asked directly by his brother but that would have been the best decision.
He waited a few minutes, he realized that since his arrival Atsumu could hardly eat, his hands trembled and he couldn't stop turning to look at him every five seconds.
"What are you doing here Suna?" her voice trembled and it seemed that he spoke in fear of hearing the answer.
He realized that he had never actually seen Atsumu talk to anyone other than his brother when they weren't in training.
"I wanted to ask you why your brother hadn't come, but it seemed disrespectful to just ask that" Atsumu lowered his head and swallowed hard.
"He felt bad last night, this morning they took him to the doctor" Suna didn't know what else to say, he didn't want to just go and leave the boy alone, he probably hadn't eaten in the company of someone else for a long time "You can go, don't worry "Although Atsumu told him that, he heard from afar a hope that he would stay, he heard the longing to have someone's company.
"I'll stay here, it's quieter than the dining room."
He ate without any problem, but he couldn't say the same for Miya, he looked tense and anxious. It made him sad to imagine that Atsumu was like this because he was used to no one staying. He wondered if Osamu cared about that.
The next day Osamu was back. Osamu had a pain in his knee and they took him to the doctor to prevent any injury, luckily it was nothing serious.
Osamu didn't want Atsumu to go to school alone, he was afraid that he would feel lonelier than usual, but there was no choice but to leave him alone. He was surprised when Suna wrote to him at night saying that he had asked about him and that he had had lunch with Atsumu. He intended to ask his brother, but was afraid that he would feel harassed.
They talked about it a bit. Osamu begged Suna to keep talking to his brother. Suna was his best friend and he had faith that he would get along with his brother.
Suna would have preferred never to have accepted and Osamu would have liked to have never asked him for that.
Suna and Atsumu's 'friendship' was strange, Suna stopped spending time with Osamu to keep his twin company and Atsumu was no longer alone most of the time.
At first they hardly spoke, they sat on the roof during breaks, ate together and waited for the bell to return to their respective classes.
It wasn't until one day that Atsumu asked him why he was staying with him when he could be with his friends and colleagues. Suna thought for a moment what to answer so that the boy wouldn't suspect that it had been his brother's request.
"I like this feeling of warmth with you" Suna is sure that Atsumu was about to cry even though he didn't.
Since then they talked about trivial things, talking about anime or some common interest, about their classes and they had even exchanged their cell numbers. Atsumu had never felt so happy, being with Suna brought more than happiness to his days, knowing that there was someone to talk to about him that day was an experience he thought would never happen to him.
Atsumu knew what it was like to be alone and had gotten used to the idea of being his own company.
Maybe that's why he never knew how to behave with Suna. They talked about many things, but he never felt safe calling him a friend. He had the idea that he was part of some plan of his brother's so he wouldn't spend time alone anymore, but he liked to think that Suna actually liked him.
Since he had never had any friends, Atsumu quickly gained confidence. If Suna came to ask something personal about him, he would tell him even if he didn't want to for fear of losing his friendship.
It had been a while since Suna and Atsumu had become friends. They spent time, they went out to places together, they chatted, they did common things that friends did.
It was nice to have someone. Many times Atsumu cried in the solitude of her room because she was afraid that Suna would stop talking to him and the emptiness would remain in his heart. Several of those times she wanted to write to him, confirm that it was not a dream and that they were friends.
Suna was fine with his "friendship" with Atsumu, but many people had approached his asking why he was with someone like him, Suna could simply answer that it was because Osamu asked him to, but if it got to Atsumu's ears he would destroy him and Osamu would kill him.
But the rumors and whispers were more and more and he felt too uncomfortable, even so he never thought about what Atsumu's fault was, it was the people who were not comfortable with the blond twin and he did not want to lose Atsumu's friendship just for simple words.
The real problems were when his teammates began to question him, Aran had been surprised that he was with the blond Miya twin when he had always been with the other, all this was discussed behind the backs of both twins.
Then the whole team went on Suna, that's when Suna couldn't resist anymore and told them about the deal with Osamu, his teammates mocked him and told him to just leave the other guy, but he wouldn't do that to Atsumu.
Atsumu had spent too much time alone for his own good and Suna couldn't stop thinking that getting away from him was going to break him completely, he tried to put those thoughts aside but he couldn't, Atsumu was in his head day and night.
It was when one night thinking about him, he realized that he liked Atsumu.
Their behaviors were complementary, both sought to make the other feel good only in their company and the best part was that they succeeded. He didn't think it was bad that he liked Atsumu.
But Atsumu didn't know how to handle his feelings, the boy had lived his whole life under his brother's shadow, being displaced by others, being the second option. He would have to find a way in which his relationship with Atsumu would not be affected by the new feelings in his relationship.
When Atsumu realized that he liked Suna he began to cry, for him Suna would never like him and also if Suna wanted to be his partner it would be committing social suicide, he couldn't let Suna lose everything.
His teammates no longer spoke to him and were heavier with him, in the corridors no one approached him anymore and they all seemed to murmur when they were close.
Atsumu knew how painful it was to be pushed aside by everyone and he didn't want Suna to go through the same thing, he wouldn't forgive himself if his new friend went through the same thing as him.
Everything was getting difficult, Suna's friends were moving away from him for hanging out with the blond and people had stopped talking to him when he was walking down the hall. This did not go unnoticed by Atsumu.
He knew that the problem was going from bad to worse when Atsumu confronted him telling him to stop talking to him so as not to lose his friends.
Atsumu had summoned all his strength to tell Suna not to talk again, so he would not have a hard time with his friends and feel lonely.
Alone, like him.
Suna didn't want to at first, he tried to tell him that he didn't care that the others left him but Atsumu insisted, telling him that he didn't want him to lose his friends, to live being pushed away by others for being with him.
Suna understood that he couldn't really tie Atsumu to him, and that no matter how hard Miya tried, he wouldn't stop insisting, plus he realized that he felt guilty. Everything Suna wanted to avoid had happened.
He understood why Osamu had asked him to be with him, Atsumu didn't even want someone to stay by his side out of fear, he was willing to give up everything for someone else's happiness.
He didn't want to leave him, he wanted to continue being his partner, share his breaks on the roof while he told him about the new manga he was reading, spend more time with him, he just didn't want to stop feeling his company.
It hurt to leave him. Atsumu arrived at his house and cried upon entering his room, he had lost everything in an instant, Suna would surely leave him forever and I don't know if he would approach him again after all the trouble he caused him.
He was at lunchtime on the roof where he always used to be, he didn't even feel like eating since he had talked to Suna about breaking up their friendship, he felt a great emptiness inside him.
He heard the door open and he saw Suna come in, he sat next to him without saying anything.
It was a while before Suna said anything to him.
"Atsumu… Are you really going to stop talking to me because of what people say?" There was a silence, he really wanted to talk to him, to tell him that he didn't want to but he was worried about him and he couldn't allow him to lose his friends "Atsumu, if you don't tell me something right now, I swear I'm leaving and I won't speak to you again."
Suna was about to cry, his eyes stung to release tears of frustration and pain, he had become too close to Atsumu in such a short time that everything went to hell for the people he previously considered his friends.
Atsumu said nothing, he waited and waited but nothing came out of his mouth. With a pain in his heart, he got up from the ground and walked towards the exit door.
"I hope it's clear to you that I don't care what they say" he closed the door so hard that it made Atsumu jump, who was still sitting on the floor looking at the ground.
When Atsumu was sure that Suna had already left, he cried.