Chapter Text
PROLOGUE: AI
In the first place, the idea to call her ex was a whim.
When she had first gotten pregnant, they had mutually agreed to no contact. After all, she was an idol, and he… well, he’d been a bit of a player, and some of the women he’d slept with were frankly a bit scary. Ai wouldn’t trade her time with the Lalalie Theatrical Company for anything, but there was more than one reason she’d never gone back.
She still thought of him at times—whenever she ate at an amazing diner, or saw beautiful scenery, the brief image would cross her mind of sharing it with him. Though, recently, the images had changed, replaced by her and Aqua and Ruby. Ultimately it didn’t matter. Both were equally unattainable.
Then she’d overheard her children’s conversation about their conception and. Well. Yep. She could be a bit of an airhead, but even she knew she needed to fix that.
So at her next free moment, when President Saitou wasn’t breathing down her next, she planned to call him.
Then Aqua got sick.
Really, really, sick.
It was beyond nerve wracking to wait in her apartment as President Saitou and Miyako rushed Aqua to a clinic. Her fingers probably formed permanent indents on her thighs.
“Big Brother will be okay,” Ruby assured her. “He’s tough.”
Ai tried to reply with a smile. It was pretty pathetic that she had to be cheered up by her own daughter. But her daughter was only four years old. She didn’t yet understand the intricacies of death and the ofttimes injustice of it all.
“Yep.” Ai’s voice was as cheerful as ever. “Aqua’s too smart for anything bad to happen to him now. He’s got so much to contribute to the world after all!”
She unclenched her fingers one by one. Forced her shoulders down from her ears. Tried not to think of how unfair it was that she couldn’t even bring her own child to the doctors.
Ruby hopped on her lap and buried her face in Ai’s stomach. Surprisingly, that did ease the tension.
Finally, after what felt like an entire night of waiting, President Saitou came back. His wife and Aqua were nowhere to be seen, but Saitou had a smile on his face, so Ai didn’t immediately panic.
“Pneumonia,” Saitou said. “I mean it’s bad but, it’s easily treatable and there’s no permanent effects. The doctors say it’s good we caught it early. Aqua must have eaten something bad while we weren’t looking.”
On her lap, Ruby let out a snort.
“In any case, that means Ruby will probably have to stay with you for the week while Aqua is with us. Ruby, you’re old enough to be by yourself when your Mama’s working, right?”
Ruby’s head whipped towards Saitou, eyes gleaming, except it was then that Ai cut in.
“Wait a sec.” Ai furrowed her brows. “What do you mean you’re separating the twins, and that Aqua isn’t going to be with me?”
“Eh? Well.” Saitou scratched his cheek. “Pneumonia’s contagious. It’s not really a good idea to put the two children together is it? And of course Aqua can’t be with you. If you get sick—”
“If I get sick I can deal with it!” Ai glared at her manager. “You can’t just, separate a child from his mother when he needs her most—!”
There was a bit of back and forth—okay, so maybe it was a lot of back and forth, and maybe it’d devolved into yelling at some point—but Ai finally managed to wear the president down and he promised to bring Aqua back.
Ai did hesitate on whether to send Ruby to Miyako, but then Ruby started wailing about wanting to see her brother and making promises that she wouldn’t bother him and, well, she trusted her children. So it was with slumped shoulders that President Saitou left.
Not an hour later, he was back with Ai’s child. Aqua was normally a quiet child, but he looked especially muted wrapped in a coat and face-mask, eyes drooping and a mask plastered over two-thirds of his face. Ai received him gently, along with his prescribed medicine and instructions for care.
There was a guest room with a separate bed, and as much as she wanted to just cuddle her baby to sleep, even she knew that would be too risky. Aqua’s face had turned red, and as soon as she’d set him down, he rolled over, hacking coughs.
Her heart leaped.
“Aqua!” She made to turn him, only for her hand to be slapped away.
Violet eyes widened in disbelief.
Aqua buried himself deeper into his blanket, mumbling something.
“Huh? I’ll get sick?” She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “Well I’ll be the judge of that, mister. It’s rude to hit a girl, you know. Everyone will hate you.”
Aqua curled up tighter.
Ai sighed, and turned her baby boy. This time he didn’t resist. Limpid eyes met her determined ones and flinched away.
“Aqua,” Ai whispered. “I’ve already had this conversation with Saitou. Yes I have work, but you’re my kid. If you’re sick somewhere else, I wouldn’t be able to rest anyway, then where would we be? For me, it’s worth the risk to take care of you.”
“Ai.” Aqua’s voice croaked out the word. “I’ll be fine, I promise. It’s just regular mycoplasma pneumoniae. With the upcoming winter, it’s normal for a few infections to float around the schools and other indoor settings, so—”
He broke off into another series of coughs, tiny body trembling.
“Sheesh. For a genius you certainly can be quite foolish.” She flicked his forehead. It was unsettlingly hot. “This is a mother’s prerogative you know? It doesn’t matter how illogical it is. Don’t you know I’ll always worry about you?”
Aqua fell silent.
With a satisfied nod, Ai stood up. “Alright. Just focus on resting up, okay? Mama’s going to go make some porridge for you now.”
Calling Ruby over to stand by the doorway and make sure Aqua didn’t fall, Ai rolled up her sleeves and stalked to the kitchen. At the orphanage there wasn’t much to eat when sick, but she remembered the movies she’d watched. The mother always made rice porridge so that had to be good for the immune system right?
In the background, she heard Aqua’s and Ruby’s chattering voices, though as always, Ruby’s far outnumbered Aqua’s. Unlike usual, the conversation was dispersed with wet coughs, each one of which made her heart jump no matter how many times she heard it. She’d been sick plenty of times as a child, and intellectually, she knew that the symptoms were just a part of getting better, but still… weirdly, it was difficult to see Aqua in that state.
Finally she finished the porridge, thankfully without burning the apartment down, though now with something of a mess in the kitchen. She scooped up a bowlful and chopped a few fruits to garnish the tray. She glanced at the guest bedroom, and noticed that Ruby was no longer at the doorway.
For a millisecond, panic flared, and then she realized what was the more reasonable answer and tiptoed to the guest room. Sure enough, Ruby was in Aqua’s room, a few paces from the bed with her hands stretched out in a grabby motion.
Although most of Aqua’s face was hidden behind a mask, it was clear he was scowling from the way his eyebrows were furrowed. “—important time for Ai. Stop fooling around.”
Ruby’s hands fell back to her side. “I really want Mama’s undivided attention and home cooked porridge though…”
Ai stalked in, flicking Ruby on the nose. “If you want some home cooked meals, just tell me. No going around drinking expired milk, okay?”
Ruby froze, spine stiffening. Then she wound around like a nutcracker, practically creaking as she turned inch by inch. “You overheard us?”
“Part of it.” Ai confirmed. After mulling it over for a while, the only way she could think of to ensure Ruby wouldn’t try something foolish was to confront her about it. “I’m serious Ruby. I don’t want you getting sick. Didn’t you see how much Aqua’s illness worried Mama?”
Guilt now replaced panic. Ruby leaned forward, wrapping her arms around Ai’s middle. Her voice was muffled against Ai’s stomach. “It’s okay Mama. I only had the thought for like, a second. After all, being sick really sucks. I never ever want to do it again.”
“Hmm.” That was odd. Ruby had never gotten ill as far as Ai remembered. Then again, she noted with a pang of regret, there had been weeks on end where she hadn’t seen the twins because of a drama or movie project and who knows what could have happened at those times. “Anyway Ruby, I said you could stay on the condition you weren’t near Aqua. Do you need me to call Miyako?”
“Ah, no!” Ruby staggered back, shaking her head wildly. With a charming grin, she saluted her mother and dashed out. “I’ll wait for you in the master bedroom Mama. Bye!”
“That girl.” Ai had to huff out a puff of laughter. With that, she turned to Aqua with a grin. “Dinner’s ready. It’s important to feed a fever. Say ahhh~”
As expected, Aqua made an attempt at a protest, but he couldn’t defeat the center of B-Komachi. It was with sheer grit and determination she’d climbed to where she was today, and her little baby couldn’t beat her here. Maybe someday. Hopefully not too far in the future. But certainly not now.
Each and every drop of the porridge was fed, until Aqua was stuffed and on the edge of falling asleep.
“You know,” Ai said in between humming a soothing lullaby. “I was going to call your Papa today. I thought it’d be a good idea for you to at least know him. Then maybe in the future, if something like this happens again, he can also take care of you.”
Aqua made a face.
“Ehh? You don’t want to meet your father?”
“Don’t want to,” he muttered, turning his face away. One tiny hand snuck out from beneath the blankets to tug at her shirt. “Just want Mama.”
Her heart trembled. Mama. This was a term she’d heard many times from Ruby, and although at first she’d been surprised, she’d slowly gotten used to it. But Aqua? He always avoided calling her if he could, and never had he called her so plaintively, like a spoiled child.
She bent down, snuggling Aqua against the bed. Saitou had warned Ai about doing anything that might make her sick, but she couldn’t help it. Aqua was just too adorable after all!
The child squirmed, but sickness didn’t allow him to make a serious struggle. Seeing that he couldn’t escape, he relaxed, body going limp as he allowed her hug. It dawned on her then that it’d been a long time since she’d held Aqua like this. As he’d grown older he’d grown more distant, and while she’d attributed that to the normal type of maturing boys experienced… well, perhaps in her heart there had been a little regret?
“Hehe.” She pulled back. The moment of excitement had just about sapped all the energy out of Aqua, though it was clear he was still trying to keep her company. She set a hand over his eyes, blocking out the light. His forehead was warm to the touch. “So you still depend on Mama, huh?”
Her child’s lips parted. “Ruby and I…”
“I know.” Ai smiled, smoothing back Aqua’s hair. They were sticky with sweat, but she didn’t mind. “I got it, Aqua. So just rest now, okay?”
As her son’s breaths deepened, she reconsidered her plans.
Gosh. She was being selfish. Suuuper selfish. But maybe it wouldn’t be bad to keep her kids to herself for a while? Until the Tokyo Dome performance, at least. She predicted she would become even more popular after that, and incidentally, more busy. But for now she could enjoy the twins to herself, right?
At least, that was the plan. But then Aqua got better and she got sick as a result (sorry Saitou!). Then it was chaotic up until the Tokyo Dome and then…
…and then it got even worse. She’d predicted a rise in popularity but not quite this much, and then day after day was filled with events and shows and filming. She barely had any time for her kids, and she was determined to have time with her kids. She barely had time for her health, but everybody around her was constantly looking out for her health. So she juggled all of that with work and expectations and still shining brightly on the stage.
So her ex? She kinda… forgot about him.
Whoops.
OoOoOoO
I: CHILDHOOD - THE BEGINNING
“You’re not reading, Aqua-kun?”
A middle-aged woman in a pleated skirt leaned over his desk, slender arms hidden partially behind her back. Her hair was twisted in a half-bun, strands of which swaying over her shoulder not unlike the dance he’d just been watching.
Aqua glanced up, not bothering to hide the smart phone splayed in front of him. On the screen, a group of girls bowed to the audience. “Ah. No. I’m a little restless.”
Tanabe-sensei smiled. Dimples appeared with the motion, giving her a youthful aura. She was probably the age that Gorou would be if he hadn’t died, but strangely, he felt no sense of attraction towards her. Well, it might be because Aqua couldn’t help but compare her to his mother.
“So even you like idol groups, huh?” Tanabe-sensei teased. “That’s unexpected. B-Komachi is a good choice though.”
Normally this would send Aqua off on a tirade, but he already knew that Tanabe-sensei was a fan. He’d seen her key chain on the second day of class. So, he didn’t feel the need to extol the beauty and excellence of B-Komachi’s Ai.
There was also a part of him that… simply didn’t want to talk about that right now. It didn’t make any sense as a fan. Fans should always be ready to share the love of their idol. But there was a strangely sour sensation in the pit of his stomach when he thought about Ai right now.
“They went on tour in China, didn’t they?” Tanabe-sensei mused. “Though if I remember correctly, they’re coming back… ah. So that’s why I don’t see you with Murasaki Shikibu or Yokomizo Seishi today, is it?”
Aqua didn’t deny it.
“Are you planning on going to their homecoming concert, Aqua-kun?” Tanabe-sensei asked.
“Yeah…”
A month. A whole month where neither he nor Ruby saw or heard from Ai. Sure she sent texts and voice messages, but it wasn’t the same. Ai couldn’t call often either for fear of her group members overhearing. Ruby complained every day. Aqua had thought he was handling it well. Intellectually he understood it was good for Ai to receive such work, and he’d never needed parents so—so it was odd that he was so relieved, today.
Tanabe-sensei made small talk with him for a while. She tried to encourage him to talk with the other children about B-Komachi, but then one of the other kids got a crayon stuck up his nose and started to cry, and Tanabe-sensei had to go deal with that.
With Ai’s newfound popularity, money no longer became an issue, and Aqua and Ruby were enrolled in an elite elementary school. Amemiya Gorou had never had money, and had attended a run-of-the-mill school in the boonies. The facilities were certainly day and night, but rich or poor, children still acted like children.
He truly didn’t understand how Ruby could make actual friends.
Soon, recess was over, and class was back in session. Normally Aqua would take out a book on the corresponding subject, but at a more appropriate level for his adult mind. On the first day his teachers had questioned this, but when he perfectly answered their interrogation, they had left him alone. But he found that he couldn’t focus today, so he just blankly listened to Tanabe-sensei’s lecture on the kanji for ‘rain’.
He didn’t really notice that he’d become increasingly fidgety as the hour ticked closer to the end of school, but when the bell rang, he did dash out of his seat rather uncharacteristically. He practically swept up his book bag as he rushed out to the gate entrance. There were a few exclamations of surprise and confusion, but they barely registered. At the gate Ruby stood, practically vibrating as she looked anxiously out at the street.
“Mou. She’s late,” Ruby complained, not even turning to look. “Do you think we should call her, Aqua?”
“That’d be bad,” Aqua said, taking his spot beside his sister. “What if she’s driving? Do you want her to crash? Then we’d really be late.”
“Ehh? Isn’t that kinda a heartless thing to say—?”
They exchanged quips for a few minutes, as was their routine, but their hearts weren’t really in it. Both of them kept one eye on the road, and when a familiar white van pulled up, they almost leaped at it.
“Gods, you two!” Saitou Miyako gave them the stink-eye as she slammed open the driver side door. “Be a bit more aware of road safety please! I know you’re eager to get home but—” Too late. They had already pried the passenger door open and scrambled inside. Miyako’s shoulders fell. “Ah. Never mind.”
The door clicked shut again, and the car rolled away.
Miyako continually muttered about how she hadn’t signed up to be a chauffeur, and that she wasn’t getting paid enough for this, and Ichigo needed to hire a manager already because every other parent at Zui’ran was sending their butlers anyway!
Aqua and Ruby knew better than to respond to her when she was in that kind of mood. In any case, they were practically vibrating in their seats.
When the car stopped a second time, Ruby rushed out only to be snatched by Miyako’s hand on her collar. Miyako once again scolded them about watching their safety as she locked her car and the three of them walked across the underground parking. For the first time in a month, they took the elevator up to the thirtieth floor. Their floor. Then they walked to their door.
Slipping out the keys, Miyako unlocked the room and pushed the kids in, slamming the door shut behind them.
Ai stood in the living room, smile shining as she opened her arms.
“Mama!” Ruby screamed. She dashed forward, slamming into Ai’s legs with a hug.
Ai let out an ‘oomph’, then a laugh. It twinkled brighter than the lights above. “Ruby!” She lifted up the six year old, spinning her around in the air to shrieked laughter. “I’ve missed you too!”
Then she set Ruby down, and grinned at Aqua.
“Well then, aren’t you going to give your Mama a hug?”
Aqua wasn’t Ruby. He’d never be so embarrassing and shameless. Even so, he found himself shuffling forward, and maybe there was a part of him that admired Ruby for her bravery when he couldn’t—
His mother met him halfway through, enveloping the two of them in her arms. Her scent eased the tension he hadn’t even known was building. His body relaxed as the sour pit in his stomach finally dissipated.
After that embarrassing little reunion, Ai brought out a bunch of gifts and a bunch more stories. The three of them sat themselves down on the couch—or more accurately, Ai sat on the couch while Ruby sat on her lap, and Aqua became a cushion at her side.
“...but how is it at school?” Ai transitioned from a funny story about her co-worker mistaking the contents of a Chinese dish because of the homonyms. “Do you have any friends yet, Aqua?”
Aqua burrowed himself deeper into the couch. His words came out in a mumble. “I have Ruby so…”
“That’s no good, Aqua. It’s great that you work so hard to look after your sister, but you should make your own friends too.” Ai poked his cheek, leaning forward with a huge grin. “Do you need help from Mama? I can teach you how to make everyone love you.”
On Ai’s lap, Ruby was practically trembling with laughter.
Indulgently, Ai turned her eye on her daughter. “And how about you, Ruby? How’s your schoolwork?”
Ruby’s smile turned stiff. Aqua could practically see arrows of betrayal pierce her. “Uhhh.”
“Why don’t you go get your homework from the past month. Let’s look through it together and work through any problems you’re having, alright?”
Dejected, Ruby hopped off Ai’s lap to grab her work from her bedroom. This was a common enough situation that she didn’t bother to protest, though going through a month’s worth of homework was their longest yet. As Ruby came back and the three of them settled in to help her understand the math problems, Aqua considered the past few months.
It was strange. The Tokyo Dome was a huge success, and Ai was flooded with work afterwards, even more so than before. He would have expected her to be too busy for them.
But, if anything, her attentions after Tokyo Dome became more—he wasn’t sure how to describe it—just more. It was as if there’d been a veil to her actions before, a layer of acting what was a ‘good parent’ to ‘adorable children’. It hadn’t been obvious. In fact if things hadn’t changed, he would never have noticed it. But it did change. Not in any big way, and certainly not in a way that Ruby noticed, but the subtle ways—like how she was able to remember the details of what he liked over Ruby, even if he only mentioned it offhand months before. Like how she kept asking about his friends, or Ruby’s schoolwork. Like how she volunteered her time like this and never missed a scheduled day with him and Ruby.
She also insisted he call her ‘Mama’, which was something she’d never done before. Was it because he’d thrown such a tantrum after his fever? That thought was unbearably embarrassing. But Ai’s eyes had sparkled so much during the request that… well, he couldn’t say no, could he? After all, he was her fan.
However, the identity of ‘fan’ was becoming increasingly tenuous. Maybe it was because he had to call her ‘Mama’ every time he saw her. Maybe it was because he was in primary school again, and when the teachers asked the kids to talk about their parents, only she came to mind. Maybe it was because of moments like this, where he couldn’t imagine ‘Ai the idol’ sitting down with him and Ruby to go over their homework, but such an image fit ‘Ai the mother’ perfectly well.
Sometimes, just sometimes, he didn’t have to remind himself to call her ‘Mama’. Sometimes it just slipped out. Sometimes he forgot he used to be Amemiya Gorou, a man who did not deserve to be loved.
After going through Ruby’s schoolwork, teasing Aqua more about how to make friends, and just generally questioning them on how their month went, a late dinner was served and then they were getting ready for bed. The three of them lumped in together in the master bedroom and chatted until they fell asleep.
The next day, Ai sent them off to school with a hug and a kiss.
A lot of people came to his desk to talk to him that day, just like they’d done when he and Ruby had first entered the school. Used to speaking with children as a doctor, Aqua patiently listened to their babble. Although it wasn’t intellectually stimulating to speak with a child, it was somewhat interesting to hear their viewpoints, and he’d never look down on them for it. But maybe it was because they’d sensed that he wasn’t really one of them, because after the initial week of school, no one tried to talk to him again.
It truly wasn’t his fault that he… had no friends, so to speak.
Then school ended. Aqua was glad of the reprieve from the press of students. Strange. Had Ai’s aura became so great that other people could sense it just by her hugging him earlier? Was that why he’d received a sudden boost in popularity?
On the way home, Ruby couldn’t stop giggling. “Everyone’s asking why Aqua-sama is smiling so much today. How do you think they’d react if I told them you were just a giant otaku?”
“Mutually assured destruction,” Aqua intoned.
“Ugh.”
Ai wasn’t home when they got back, but neither of them minded. Now that Ai was in the country again, they could be assured that they’d see her before the day ended. Sure enough, right around dinner time, Ai came back. She had bags of takeout on her arms and she seemed a bit distracted, but she greeted them happily nonetheless.
Immediately following their trip to China, B-Komachi was experiencing a short break from activities, with only practice taking time from their schedules. Aqua didn’t realize how much he’d missed the daily dinners with his mother. Although she didn’t make every meal, especially when she had tv appearances and variety shows to film, neither had she ever been gone for a month straight. It was good that things would return to normal.
“By the way,” Ai broke out during dinner. “My new movie will begin filming in two weeks. It’s set in Hokkaido, so the director will be expecting us to stay there until production is done.”
Aqua froze. His shrimp, which had been halfway to his lips, slid off his one-use chopsticks. It landed on his plate with a thump.
“What?” Ruby cried out, having none of his compunctions. “But you just got home, Mama!”
“I know.” Ai sighed. “I’m real sorry about it too. There were some issues with broadcast time slots, so they decided to move up the production schedule for this film… well, since everyone else agreed, it was hard for me to say no without a reason.”
Ruby’s eyes welled up with tears.
“Buuut! I have a piece of good news!” The momentary frustration dissipated as if it’d never been present. Ai smiled mischievously at her son. “Because of some messy sponsorship issues, one of the child actors had to pull out of the production. The sponsors were going to just cut out that child’s scenes, but since Director Gotanda had worked with our agency before, he suggested—”
Aqua suddenly got a bad feeling about this. Gotanda. Wasn’t that…?
“—that we use you! Then they looked through a clip of you from the director’s last film, and everyone agreed you were good. Hahaha. My little Aqua’s a genius!”
Aqua’s stomach sunk. He opened his mouth to protest. He was just a bit smarter than the other kids because of the reincarnation situation, but he wasn’t actually interesting in acting at all…!
“And I thought,” Ai sighed. “How great it would be. If Aqua came to film in Hokkaido, no one could protest your stay. Ruby would follow you of course, since you two are twins and there’s only one caretaker. Then I’d be able to spend my entire time with you two.”
Aqua’s open mouth clinked shut.
“Woah!” Ruby’s eyes turned sparkling. “So basically we’ll be going on vacation with Mama! I’ve never been to Hokkaido!”
“Hehe. It’s lovely in the summer. You’ll love it Ruby!”
Aqua picked up his shrimp again. His shoulders slumped.
Normally, the conversation would have moved on by that point, perhaps to summer locations in Hokkaido. Except it was then that Ai’s attentions zeroed in on her son. Some of the excitement from earlier settled. “But how do you feel about it, Aqua?”
He’d just stuffed the shrimp into his mouth when he’d heard the question. “Mwa?” He swallowed, hastily grabbing the glass of water beside his plate and taking a huge gulp. “What do you mean, Mama?”
“I just noticed that Aqua hasn’t given his opinion,” Ai chirped. “I know that Aqua could gain his own acting opportunities if he wished for it, and he hasn’t so far. I know that Aqua doesn’t like troublesome things. I know that I get carried away sometimes when I think about sharing my children’s cuteness with the world… but what do you think about it, Aqua?”
“Um.” Aqua gazed back with eyes as big as his dinner plates. He stoutly ignored Ruby’s throat-cutting motion in the background. “Well I…”
Once again, he was reminded of that something more. Ah, he’d underestimated his mother again.
“I’d like it,” he said, ducking his head. “I’d like to act with Mama again.”
And so it was decided. Two weeks later, they applied for an early vacation from Zui’ran Primary and the three (well, five counting Miyako-san and Ai’s new manager) of them were headed to Hokkaido.
Unlike the first film Aqua had been in, where he and Ai had been stuffed in at the last minute, here they had proper parts. That meant meeting for a table reading with the other actors and staff. As relative newbies, they arrived early. Ai dialed her charm up to 11 when greeting her fellow actors. Aqua and Ruby had to do nothing for them to be cooed over.
And then Gotanda arrived, and after the normal set of greetings with the bigger names, he sat himself right next to Aqua. The director turned a smarmy grin to the boy. “Oh-ho? What’s this? I thought you said you didn’t plan on becoming an actor?”
Aqua made a face. “Aren’t you the one who invited me?”
“Well, I didn’t think you’d really come.”
“I just wanted to act with Ai,” Aqua repeated, even though it wasn’t true. Acting wasn’t a problem per se, but the main reason he agreed to this had nothing to do with acting. One could even say consideration of acting hadn’t factored into his decision at all.
He just couldn’t imagine another month without Ai, that was all, and this was the best way to ensure their family got to stay together.
The script read-through proceeded smoothly. Despite nobody being a super huge name, there was also nobody who made any big mistakes. Director Gotanda and Scriptwriter Nagasawa both had suggestions, of course, but it looked like the movie could proceed to filming pretty much immediately.
Aqua’s part was small. Not even ten minutes in total.
In fact, this movie could hardly be called ‘acting with Ai’. The film was a rather intense drama starring two men. Ai’s part was nothing more than an object of love, which Aqua may have been offended by if he didn’t also recognize the genius of it. The point of Ai’s character was to be as charming as possible, so that the audience could see exactly why the two leads would go to such lengths for her. On one hand, Aqua firmly believed that no other actress could pull this off. On the other hand, having this sort of charming role would cement Ai’s position in Japan as ‘number one unattainable beauty’.
Aqua was meant to play the child version of the main antagonist, starting off the movie and having his scenes dispersed in flashbacks. There was basically no intersection with Ai.
Instead, most of his scenes were with Uesugi Hiou, who was a famous child actor a few levels above even Arima Kana. He looked around eight years old, and just like Arima, Uesugi was truly talented. His lines were delivered powerfully. As expected of the child version of the protagonist.
Except Uesugi was also a brat. After the script reading, Aqua had gone to introduce himself to his co-star, only to get the following response:
“Oi. Did you just get in through connections?”
Aqua had to hold Ruby back from beating the kid up.
Considering the paucity of scenes, there was no reason for Aqua to show up on set every day. In fact, Uesugi left immediately after the script-read for other projects and only planned on coming back to Hokkaido during his shoots. But considering Aqua wasn’t really here to act, but to spend time with Ai, of course he had to be on set every time the main actors were here.
Ruby came too, under the excuse of not wanting to leave her brother, and the fact that their ‘mother’ Saitou Miyako couldn’t be in two places at once. She was certainly having the time of her life, spoiled by all the actors and staff between takes and able to watch Ai unhindered.
On the other hand, Gotanda had pulled Aqua aside on the very first day and sat him down on the assistant director’s chair. Every time there was a shoot, he would instruct Aqua on what was happening with the camera lines.
It wasn’t, well, it wasn’t uninteresting. Although he did wish he could fanboy with Ruby over Ai’s scenes, it was kinda cool to see her through the lens.
He also, in between the leads using the classroom sets, filmed his character’s school scenes. Miyoshi Kichiro wasn’t too difficult of a character for him—he could see why Gotanda thought it’d be fine to recommend him. Quiet. Intelligent. Withdrawn. Remembering what Gotanda taught him about camera angles, Aqua was sure to use them to his fullest advantage to portray the kind of character Gotanda wanted to see. This, he reasoned, was why Gotanda had taken the painstaking time to teach him in the first place. After all, he had no acting skill, so he absolutely needed to use these kinds of cheap tricks to make up for it.
Then the third week hit, and Uesugi Hiou came back to film, and—
—Aqua’s attention was forcibly drawn from Ai.
Uesugi’s character, Hano Yuu, was the typical spoiled rich kid. His parents were influential and taught him there were no consequences to his actions. However, on the eve of his eleventh birthday, his parents were murdered, drastically changing the course of his life and leading him to become the kind protagonist of the main story.
By the end of the scene, Uesugi was leaned against the bed frame, body limp like a broken doll. Tears streaked down his face but he made no sound. It stood in stark contrast to moments ago, when he’d crawled out from the wardrobe to his parents’ dead bodies and screamed and screamed and screamed. There was pounding at the door, and shouts from the police and paramedics. His eyes did not shift, gazing into nothing, nothing but emptiness reflected within.
“Okay Cut!”
Uesugi’s manager ran out from behind the audio equipment with a box of wipes in hand. Uesugi’s puppet-like body creaked back to life as the child stood and snatched a wipe, rubbing at his face.
Aqua could not move his eyes away.
“Uesugi Hiou,” Gotanda murmured. “He’s only twelve and he’s already capable of great performances. It was lucky that he was interested in this script. Don’t think we could have gotten him otherwise.”
“Shouldn’t you have gotten someone a bit more suited?” Aqua said, equally as quiet. “Won’t our confrontation look a bit like a rabbit picking a fight with a bear?”
“Heh. No one else is the right age. This is even more the case since Uesugi appears younger than he is, and the scene would collapse if the victim is bigger than the bully, wouldn’t it? But Prodigy, even if you don’t trust yourself, you can at least trust my directorial judgment.”
Despite what Gotanda said, however, the filming of the scene between Uesugi and Aqua did not go well. The scene was easy enough to understand. Timeline-wise, it was set before Uesugi’s solo. Miyoshi Kichiro’s mother had just died and Hano Yuu came to bully him. This would be the catalyst in Miyoshi’s character, where he would grow to hate the main character and become the manipulative second lead. Aqua’s job then was to represent this descent.
As expected, there were no errors in Uesugi’s acting. As for Aqua, however…
“What do you want, Hano?” Aqua demanded, eyes narrowing. It was their sixth take already.
Uesugi’s lips stretched into a smirk. Despite the number of times they’d gone through this scene, the other’s intensity had never dropped. “Haha, what’s this? Is Kimoishi finally growing a spine? Hilarious.”
Around Uesugi were four other boys. Extras. Their bodies were all of varying sizes, and it filled out the image of ‘group of followers’ well enough. Aqua could tell they were getting tired, but they were about Uesugi’s age, so they could deal. At the Uesugi’s words, they all burst out into laughter.
Uesugi crossed his arms, head tilting in challenge. “Well Kimoishi? Are you finally growing a spine?”
Aqua said nothing, but his eyes screamed daggers. Miyoshi’s mother had just died and here Hano was with juvenile insults. Considering that, and Uesugi’s next lines, rage was the most likely emotion Gotanda was expecting. After all, the director hadn’t said anything about trying for something else, and it would be an appropriate emotion for the direction of this character.
“Eh? What’s with that look?” Uesugi took a step forward, smirk melting into a sneer. “Hey Kimoishi, I hope that just because you’ve gotten some sympathy for selling the story of your mother dying, you don’t think all of us are idiots.”
“I didn’t—” Aqua’s teeth ground together. Miyoshi had tried to suppress the rage but it couldn’t be suppressed. How dare Hano suggest something like this. “I don’t know how that story got out!”
“Cut!” Gotanda yelled, ending their sixth take halfway through.
Aqua’s shoulders slumped. For the first two takes, they’d gone through the entire scene, but from the third onwards, this was generally the point where Gotanda ended it. Once again, he’d messed up.
Immediately, the voices of complaints rose up.
“Wha—are you serious, director? I thought that one was quite good.”
“Director, I know you’re the creative vision of this team, but maybe you need to get your eyes checked? I’ve been staring at the camera for the past four takes and I haven’t seen anything wrong.”
“Do we need to do the makeup again? Do we?”
“Director! Stop bullying Aqua-kun!”
Gotanda dug at his ears with a pinky. He stood from the director’s chair, walking over to the group of boys. The curled up script was in his hand, tapping against a shoulder. “Hey, Prodigy. Is this too hard on you?”
Aqua shook his head. Even if his body was tired, he wasn’t like most children. Keeping focus was not a hardship for a previous medical doctor. Even so. “Isn’t this a waste of film though? And it’s not like you’re swimming in cash…”
Gotanda guffawed. “Only you’d bring up a point like that. Don’t worry about it, kid. Just focus on what you need to do.”
Aqua played with the edge of his shirt. “And what is it exactly that I, need to do? Next time… what should I try next time?”
When Gotanda had expressed his dissatisfaction with the first take, Aqua had tried a few other things. The second time through he had made a performance from the victim angle, highlighting the responses of a bullied child. In the third, he had tried for apathy, but that one was too hard to connect with the rage he was supposed to feel at the end. He’d tried fine-tuning until even he felt discombobulated.
Gotanda stared at Aqua for a while, making the boy fidget. A sigh blew past his lips. “Prodigy, you did good, okay? You gave me a lot of options. In fact, any of those takes could pass, and with some editing, we could make the scene work, no problem.”
Aqua narrowed his eyes in suspicion. “Would you be satisfied with that?”
“Would you?” Gotanda shot back. He cleared his throat, then raised his voice. “Hey everyone! Let’s take a 90-minute break! If you need a snack go buy some, ‘cause I’m not gonna!”
Yells of ‘cheap director’ and the like came from the crew, but nobody protested. The staff began cleaning up the trolleys and covering up the cameras. Mostly for a short break like this, things could stay where they were, but it was always better to observe safety protocol.
Gotanda ruffled Aqua’s head. “Even I think I’m asking too much. Sorry. It’s this old man’s fault. We’ll try it once more after the break, and we’ll just go with what we get, okay?”
And with that, Gotanda walked away, yelling to his assistant about checking the food trucks.
Aqua hadn’t really come to this set to make a movie. He’d already said he didn’t want to be an actor. He’d come to spend time with Ai. So why was it… why was it that he felt so frustrated?
“Hey, Hoshino.” A voice from behind startled Aqua from his thoughts. He turned. Uesugi stalked forward, a can of pop in each hand. The older boy stopped directly in front of him, squinting at the shorter child.
“Uesugi-san…?”
Huffing, Uesugi thrust out his arm. The can of Fanta almost hit Aqua in the chin. “Here. You had a bunch of dialogue and that shitty director keeps making you redo your parts. You must be thirsty, right? My manager wouldn’t leave it alone unless I shared, so. Anyway, the quality’s guaranteed. I wouldn’t sponsor it otherwise.”
Dazed, Aqua took the drink. “Um, didn’t you hate me?”
“Well, at the table reading, I thought…” Uesugi flushed. “So I admit I was wrong. You were really able to tough it out during these takes. You can’t do that without professionalism.”
“Oh.” Well, he wasn’t really a child, so Uesugi’s comment wasn’t exactly a compliment. If he, a fully grown man, had thrown a tantrum because of his own flaws, how embarrassing would that have been? The truly amazing one was… “Uesugi-san, I’m sorry for making you do so many takes. It must be frustrating.”
The other boy wrinkled his nose. “Uesugi-san. Hey, I heard you were only six years old. Is that true?”
“Eh? Uh, yeah.”
“Little kids don’t need to be so formal.” Uesugi raised a finger, flicking Aqua on the forehead. Not expecting it, Aqua staggered, a hand rising to his forehead in disbelief. “You should call me Hiou nii-chan.”
Aqua stared at the real little kid. “What?”
“Hiou Nii-Chan.” Uesugi pronounciated each syllable. “Even though I look like this, I’m actually twelve, you know. I’m older than you, so you need to show me the proper respect, but I don’t want to be called like an uncle.”
“Still, it’s a bit…” In truth he didn’t want to. It was bad enough that he had to run around calling Ai ‘Mama mama’, but to essentially call a stranger ‘big brother’?
Uesugi narrowed his eyes. “All three generations of my family are in showbiz. If my grandfather gave the veto, no one in your company would have a future in the dramas and movie industry.”
“Hiou-nii.”
“Heh. Good little brother.” Uesugi Hiou ruffled Aqua’s hair, smile strangely adorable. Damn little kids. “Anyway, I’m not frustrated at you for the repeated takes. You’re fine. It’s the director that’s demanding too much.”
Aqua tried to move his head away. After learning about Uesugi’s scary level of connections, he knew he couldn’t retaliate, but what was it with everyone and going for his scalp? Wouldn’t Ai’s child end up bald at this rate? “How do you mean?”
“You’ve given four different performances, haven’t you? Even I wouldn’t have been able to do that at your age. And after each one, the director doesn’t even give you any instruction on what to fix… man, I thought the story was good, but maybe this director’s not one who can express his vision well enough?”
“No that’s.” Aqua knew that wasn’t it. He’d seen Director Gotanda give detailed advice to actors on the days he sat with the crew. He’d seen Gotanda make suggestions for actors to help them better understand the character.
So other than brief reminders of ‘remember Miyoshi was bullied’ and ‘his mother just died’, why did Gotanda not give any instructions to Aqua?
“He doesn’t want to prejudice me,” Aqua realized. “Cowardly. Sad. Apathetic. Angry. None of these interpretations are wrong, probably. Miyoshi is definitely feeling all of these things in this moment, but the director can’t give me second-by-second details on how to act. It’s something I have to figure out, or else it wouldn’t be authentic.”
Right. He had been thinking too simply.
“The issue is,” Aqua muttered. “How to express all of these at the same time? These emotions contradict each other. When should I do each? Am I even capable of—”
Uesugi reached out, and bonked him on the head.
“Ow!”
“Why’re you thinking so complex?”
“Huh?”
“The script analysis is impressive, I’ll give you that. Are you seriously a first grader…? But when you’re acting, you can’t be thinking all of that.”
Aqua rubbed his head, eyes wide. “What are you… talking about?”
“I’m a bully.” Uesugi jabbed a thumb into his chest. “I see someone who’s beneath me trying to reach above his station. I get mad and want to put him in his place. Aqua, you’ve been bullied all your life and now your mother’s just died. Go ahead. Imagine yourself in that exact scenario.”
“Imagine?” Aqua startled. Wait. He’d heard of this before. Method-acting, was it not? “I’m not the type who can do that.”
“Will you look at this.” Uesugi lifted his chin, eyes full of mockery. “A little child saying he has no imagination. How sad.”
…this kid couldn’t be much older.
Uesugi wagged a finger. “Think about it like this. Have you ever been afraid when your mother’s gone out that she would never be back?”
Well.
The week before the Tokyo Dome, Aqua had a strange dream. He dreamed of the mother whom he killed. He dreamed of begging her to stay. He dreamed of crows and death and a goddess who apologized to him and sung him to sleep. He was barely cognizant of the world, and when his fever broke, he learned that Ai had taken his illness in his stead.
He… hadn’t taken it well.
He may have been a brat about it.
It had been a dark period. Crying. Screaming. Yelling about how he wouldn’t be separated—ahem. Best to forget it happened.
Ai had patted his head and promised she would stay with him.
So embarrassing. But he had been so genuinely afraid that he’d messed it all up again. That he’d caused another death for a woman who’d done nothing wrong but bring him into this world.
“Heh, so you can think of something, huh.” Uesugi said. “Well, now just think about a world where your fears came true. Your mother went out and she never came back.”
“That’s not logical,” Aqua said immediately. “A—my mother has so much to live for. She needs to make her mark on this world and she deserves to live to old age.”
“Well, that’d be nice if it were true, but there’s nothing logical about death. That’s the whole point of this script, isn’t it? Tons of people die every day. Why can’t your mom?”
Aqua opened his mouth to retort. It stayed open. No words flowed.
“Wai—what? Are you crying? Don’t be a baby! Stay here okay?!”
Uesugi ran off, but Aqua barely noticed it. Yes, why hadn’t he thought of it before? Ai was just as vulnerable as anyone else. Just last year, a stalker had tried to bring a knife to a fan meet - thankfully the security guards had gotten him before he came within a foot of Ai. In Aqua's previous life, he’d certainly seen his fair share of unfair deaths. Briefly, a lonely girl by the window flashed across his mind. So many people he’d diagnosed. So many he’d given bad news to. So many whom spent their last days on earth with a powerless doctor.
Standing under the setting lights, Aqua trembled.
“Calm down a little, would you?” Uesugi was suddenly back, shoving a box of tissues to his face. The tips of the other boy’s ears were red. “Your mom’s not really dead. I mean I just saw the two of you together earlier, before your sister dragged her off to watch that idol. Want my manager to call her down here?”
Aqua took the tissues, hastily shaking his head. He blew his nose. Ah. How embarrassing.
“So you get the feeling?” Hiou muttered, shoving his hands in his pockets. “Just bring it on set. But um, if you don’t feel up to it, the director won’t force you, probably.”
“Mhmm.”
In truth, he really didn’t want to continue. This feeling was awful and all he wanted to do was put on some of Ai’s old DVDs with Ruby. They could fanboy and fangirl about it until they fell asleep. Ai’s brilliant image would be imprinted on their retinas.
But…
Gotanda had believed in him this much, huh? And despite the adverse effects, Hiou was really trying to help him. Besides, he didn’t want to be the one dragging down Mum’s production, and re-casting now was a no-go. Stupid Director.
When the 90-minute break was over and everyone had gotten into their positions and makeup again, Aqua took a breath. He closed his eyes and tried to imagine it, just as Hiou said.
A world where his mother had just died. Then, an enemy born with a silver spoon decided to run off his mouth about things that he didn’t understand.
“And… action!”
Azure eyes fluttered open.
Uesugi Hiou—no, Hano Yuu, stepped into the set, voice dripping with mocking disdain. “Hey Kimoishi, was it nice being fawned over because your mother died?”
Amemiya Gorou had never known a mother, because Amemiya Mayumi died in childbirth. His grandmother had made sure he got food and shelter. His grandfather could barely look at him. When they did interact, all he got was criticism. How he wasn’t strong enough. Wasn’t thoughtful enough. Wasn’t worth the life Mayumi gave to bring him into this world.
If Aqua—if Aqua were to consider Miyoshi Kichiro’s experiences like his own—
“What do you want, Hano?” Aqua asked, exhaustion heavy in his voice. His gaze was on the trees, and he didn’t bother to turn around. They swayed under the summer winds, back and forth, gently dancing as if they were no longer part of the earth. Just like her body when he’d found her.
“Haha, what’s this? Is Kimoishi finally growing a spine? Hilarious.”
Around Hano, the other boys tittered. Even if the joke wasn’t funny, Hano’s followers would always laugh, like a crowd of hyenas trying to please their master.
“Well Kimoishi?” A dark edge entered Hano’s voice. “Are you actually talking back to me?”
Aqua’s back stiffened. The long time bully’s voice induced a faint tremor, and months of conditioning made Aqua react instinctively.
The script said that Miyoshi Kichiro didn’t respond. Last time, Aqua had taken that to mean Kichiro was too angry, especially with Hano’s follow-up line, but that interpretation was wrong. It was much more pathetic than that. His mother had just died, but he couldn’t bring himself to dedicate the requisite time to her. Here he was, still listening to his bully.
The moment he twisted around, shame flooded through him. It was as if he’d lost some battle he hadn’t even known he’d been fighting.
“Eh? What’s with that look?” Hano languidly stepped forward, each movement of his body highlighting how he’d never had to go through a single hardship in his life. “Hey, I hope that just because you’ve gotten some sympathy for selling the story of your mother dying, you don’t think all of us are idiots.”
“I didn’t—” The words choked in his throat. Frustration. Fear. Why would anyone even think…? He desperately hoped that Hano didn’t think…! “I don’t know how that story got out.”
“Sure you don’t,” Hano laughed, loud and grating. “Just like your creepy little face didn’t light up when Aya-chan went to talk to you at lunch. Man. I don’t know anyone who’d use their own mother to seem a little less pathetic.”
Miyoshi Kichiro swallowed. It had, it had never been his intention… he had never asked those girls to come over to his desk to express sympathy! Didn’t Hano know that he’d rather have his mother back?
And yet, it was true that…
His school life had gotten better after his mother died.
Trembling overtook him. Miyoshi Kichiro ducked his head, taking deep breaths. A hand rose to his chest, urging him to say something, anything, to deny the accusations. He swallowed. Swallowed again.
“Of course, that’s to be expected, right? Like mother, like son.”
Kichiro’s head snapped up, eyes going wide. What… what had Hano just said?
“She was real pathetic that time she came to beg Father,” Hano sniffed. “Going on and on about how hard of a life you had, like poverty excuses bad manners.”
That—no—
“She tried to ask for compensation, you know? And even though Father gave her some, she still came and begged for more. But if you throw away your dignity like that, how are you different from pigs?”
This wasn’t—
His voice came out in a whisper. “Shut up.”
“Well, I guess it’s like Father always says. Breeding always shows.”
His mother’s body swayed under the rafters. Her words swam before his eyes. Apologies for not being enough. Promises that it would get better. Wishes for him to become someone great in this world.
Kichiro screamed, rushing towards Hano with the force of madness. Hano’s eyes widened as he made to dodge, but by then it was too late. Kichiro was on him, pushing the other down and raining down fists on the other. Every punch Hano had thrown at him, he was throwing back. Every insult—until Hano took back his words about Mother—
Someone yanked his shoulder hard enough to dislocate it. It unbalanced him, sending him spiraling to the ground. His face was pressed to the dirt as a dozen hands grabbed at him, alternatively pushing and pulling his body against the ground.
The other boys.
No—!
“Well I’ll give you that,” Hano said, staggering to his feet and swiping blood from his split lip. He glared down at the younger boy. “You got a hit in. But Kimoishi, you really dare to go against me?”
Fear froze his limbs. An all too familiar situation.
Kichiro gasped as the other children kicked at him. He bit his lips, tears prickling at the edge of his eyes. His mother had just died and he wasn’t able to defend her. He couldn’t do anything for her. He was so pathetic he could die.
No, if only, if only instead of his mother, he had died instead—!
The fight drained out of him. He limply took the hits, wondering if maybe, maybe he could die here. That he could join his mother in the next life. Surely it had to be better than this.
But even in that, he was too weak. His arms automatically moved to cover his head, body curling like a shrimp. Hano’s laughter ran out over the others, drawing everyone’s attention. The kicking finally stopped as the boys seemed to pull out as one, joking with each other about who was the strongest, and trying to come up with increasingly stupid nicknames for Kichiro. Hano said something to him about knowing his place, and then the boys were leaving, apparently to play at the arcade.
Kichiro lay there long after the group had left, cheek still pressed against the dirt and body screaming in pain. Even he felt he was laughable. The corner of his lips quirked up. Slowly, a new emotion began to bleed into the boy’s blank eyes.
—hatred.
“And Cut!”
The other boys shuffled away as Hiou ran over.
He held out a hand, “Hey Aqua, that part wasn’t ba—”
Aqua slapped the hand away.
There was a moment of shocked silence. There was a lot of shouting and scraping sounds.
Aqua pushed himself to his knees. When he got his breathing under control, he looked to the older boy. “Um. Sorry. I don’t know what came over me.”
But Hiou was beaming. “No way, it’s my fault for approaching when you’re still coming down from the emotion. My teachings were pretty good huh?”
Worn brown boots came into view, and a moment later, a towel was thrown on Aqua’s head. Director Gotanda grinned down at him. “Geeze. What an interpretation. Prodigy, you’ve really exceeded my expectations this time. Want to take a look?”
Aqua only made a grunt of acknowledgment, but didn’t protest when Gotanda seemed to take that as a sign to pick him right up. Gotanda brought him to his regular chair, plopping him down and ordering a review.
The scene replayed, showing a second-by-second rendition of what had just happened on set. Of course no one had actually hit anyone on set, and that was obvious from the raw footage, but with a bit of editing everything would look as it should. The shot ended with a close-up of Aqua’s face.
Aqua went red.
Was that really… him? It didn’t really look like him. And in that moment, it felt—
Huffing out a laugh, Gotanda ruffled his hair. “You did a good job, kid. Seriously. I’m ecstatic.”
“Hm.” Aqua ducked his head, tugging at his towel so it covered more of his face.
His heart was thumping against his ribcage, tracing out a rat-a-tat-tat to imaginary music. He couldn’t seem to calm down. Amemiya Gorou was a man of science, who admired artists from afar with the full knowledge that he could never be one, but with the kind of wistfulness all adults had for a ‘what if’. After all, he loved his movies, his manga, his literature. He loved it when his favourite properties were brought to life well, and he could praise or rage with the other fans over the adaption. He loved it when he read or watched a new series with fresh or heart-rending characters, who made him feel something other than the gaping hollowness of his own life.
He had never thought he could be someone who brought a series to life.
Miyoshi Kichiro.
In that moment, when Miyoshi Kichiro had become a part of him, he had this kind of thought.
Acting was... fun.