Chapter Text
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David leaned forward, his head down. Top of his head pressed against the mirror. His hands pressed to it as well. Leverage as he leaned over the dirty, cluttered counter where used containers of makeup, discarded hair products, and parts of costumes had been left.
Though it felt like nearly 2 years since he and Patrick had been together, it had only been a week.
He’d waited all week to be thoroughly railed by the thick farmer’s cock that was plowing into him.
++++++
He’d spent every evening of the previous week at the theater. First helping Patrick get ready, then sitting through the show. Each night, when the show ended, helping him gather his things to head back to Schitt’s Creek.
Then, every night, he went back to the motel.
He’d spent every night of the previous week at the motel with his sister; listening to her go on about how happy she was to be leaving. How she would finally get a chance to relax in the sun, near the water. How she deserved it… “after all these years.” How Ted and she were going to have… “Basically, a six-month vacation away from it all.”
It angered him.
The words she used.
Her attitude.
It all just angered him.
Here he was, newly engaged. Ready to plan his wedding.
And she was leaving.
She didn’t even celebrate with him. Didn’t ask him when or where. Didn’t ask him what he’d hoped for.
Nothing.
Instead, it was all about her.
He’d not tell her. He’d not tell anyone. But he was pissed.
Sad.
Disappointed.
Hurt.
Frustrated.
And pissed.
And, he’d spent every night at the motel checking in on his mother. Brewing her herbal tea that he’d picked up at the specialty shop near the theater in Elm Glen. Talking to her quietly about the successful production that she’d launched, while he rubbed her shoulders… or… her feet. (Ew.) Trying to get her to speak when all she did was lay there, eye mask on, only making a sound when he got up to leave her. A sound that begged him to come back and sit with her until his dad could avoid it no longer and returned to their room.
It angered him. The fact that his dad avoided coming to the room until it was far too late in the evening for David to leave. The fact that his mom was not pulling herself out of the spiral that she’d been in for the entire week. Here he was, newly engaged. Ready to plan his wedding. And she was spiraling with no end in sight.
And they didn’t even celebrate with him; neither of his parents. Didn’t ask him when or where. Didn’t ask him what he’d hoped for.
He’d not tell his mom. He’d not tell his dad. He’d not tell anyone. But he was pissed.
Annoyed.
Disappointed.
Hurt.
Frustrated.
And pissed.
All week, he had chosen family over fiancé in the “Where will I sleep tonight” and “Who will I take care of” conundrum. He had wanted nothing more than to curl up with Patrick’s arms around him. Sleep with the solid wall of Patrick at his back. Enjoy the quiet pillow talk that comes after sex. Relax with the sounds of Patrick quietly humming a song near his ear.
He had waited to share with Patrick the things he’d bookmarked. Was excited to show him some of the items he’d put on his old Pinterest page that he’d revived just for the purpose of wedding planning. To tell Patrick about the flowers he’d researched, the few locations that might work. And that Thom Browne line he had his eye on.
But of course, he couldn’t spend those nights with Patrick. Because he had responsibilities at home. Taking care of his mom. And listening to his sister.
And, for some reason? For some reason, Patrick seemed perfectly fine with it all. Which left David with plenty of feelings to process. Feelings about Patrick not wanting to be with him; not asking to be with him.
He’d not tell his Patrick. He’d not tell anyone. But he was… well… pissed.
Worried.
Disappointed.
Hurt
Frustrated.
And pissed.
The week had been busy at the store.
“No rest for the weary,” Patrick had said, blithely pulling a Marcy-ism out to describe why they hadn’t had any alone time during the day.
All week, Patrick opened the store bright and early; David arrived mid-morning. Each tending to their designated chores and helping customers when they came in. Then mid-afternoon, Patrick left for the post office and the bank before heading to his apartment to take a short nap, shower, and grab a bite to eat.
David rushed over to Patrick’s apartment after closing to help him with his makeup. They knew, of course, that Patrick could put his own makeup on at that point. But both knew, without saying, that Patrick liked to sit there on the edge of his desk and have David take care of him. He liked the soothing feeling of being tended to by David’s gentle hand.
And David liked the control he had in applying it. He liked standing between his fiancé’s knees and feeling Patrick’s hands rub up and down his sides. Liked when Patrick’s hands rested easily on his ass while David quietly applied the eyeliner. It was as intimate as they’d gotten with each other all week. And David let himself feel all the good feelings of that time with Patrick.
They rode together to the theater in Elm Glen. Their alone time mostly sitting in silence.
Early in the production, they chatted and sang with the radio as Patrick drove them to the theater. But as the week wore on, they grew quieter on each trip. And that last night? That last night as they drove to the theater, they were just… silent.
The production – eight shows in all – had been wearing on Patrick. And that night? The last night? David drove them, encouraging Patrick to save all of his waning energy for the show. Patrick willingly handed over the keys and leaned the passenger seat back. He shut his eyes and let David take care of getting him there.
After the last curtain call. After the final bow. After David sat, for the last time, in the auditorium seats as all of Patrick’s castmates trailed out to the front of the house. After he congratulated each of them on a job well done. After he promised them that they would, in fact, see them at the cast party. After most everyone was out of the theater. David went to the back rooms of the theater to find him.
And there he was. Sitting exactly where he’d sat every night after every production.
Just as he had the other nights, Patrick had gone back to the dressing room, shed his jacket, sat on the floor in the corner of the room, put his head down, closed his eyes, and shut down.
Let go of the Emcee.
Depleted.
David understood it. He knew that Patrick was exhausted after each performance. The Emcee role is full of life. He was gregarious and outgoing. Loud. Responsible for carrying the energy of the performances.
And Patrick sang and danced and flirted his way through every scene. He played the Emcee beautifully. And David knew that it took every ounce of Patrick’s energy to bring him to life.
It took some time for Patrick to shed him. David knew that to do so, Patrick needed time to sit in solitude. To be still. To be… Patrick. And, he knew that Patrick might have more to deal with when he was shedding the role for the last time.
A few weeks prior, when they’d been down by the creek on a picnic. When they lay, side-by-side on Grandma’s blanket and David drew lazy invisible circles on Patrick’s chest, they’d talked about productions that Patrick had been a part of in his past. Patrick shared with him that, regardless of what role he played, he always felt similarly at the end of each run. Exhilaration at the idea of being free from the commitment, swirled around a deep grief over the loss of the routine. The loss of the character he’d learn to inhabit. The end of the work. The suddenness of it being over.
He'd disclosed to David that when he was a kid – in high school and in college – he usually always went through a time of depression after a show closed. That it took some time before he found himself again.
And though David hadn’t shared it with Patrick, he had received a few texts from Marcy. Texts of warning. “He gets moody when a show is over. At least he used to. The little stinker.” And, “Though you should not let him be poopy to you, he is going to be moody. Just warning you that it will likely happen. Stick up for yourself, but also be patient. *Blue heart emoji* *Face throwing a kiss emoji*”
As David paused in the doorway of the dressing room, he looked at him. His fiancé. The love of his life. Sitting in the semi-dark room. All by himself. In the corner. On the floor. Exhausted and melancholy.
And he looked sexier than he’d ever seen him.
“Hi,” David’s breathy voice was nearly a whisper.
Patrick, head still down, looked up at him. Big brown eyes rimmed with smeared, fading eye makeup. His voice was raspy and tired. “Hi.”
David had trouble reading his expression. Wasn’t sure if he was ready for David to come get him.
David’s arms intertwined in front of himself and his hands clasped together low in front of his body. Shoulders hunched as he looked across the room at the man who owned his heart. “You needing more alone time?”
Patrick shook his head. Rolled his head to lean back against the wall. He looked up at David. The man he loved who had patiently, lovingly, and determinedly gotten him through the last few weeks. He looked at him. His eyes grazed up and down David’s body. And he appreciated, not for the first time that day, the sweater he wore.
You know the one.
Mostly black. Some grey. White patches. Right there. Right there on his hips.
Patrick’s body responded.
Finally. Finally, he was in the place where it was over. The show, all of his commitments. No more ball games. No more rehearsals. No more productions.
And, seeing David standing there… across the room. Wearing that.
“No,” Patrick shook his head again. “No, Babe. I don’t want to be alone.”
David’s curved lips danced as they pulled themselves off to the side. That little thing they do. Satisfied. Anticipating something good. He unclasped his hands and took a few steps toward Patrick.
“Do you need any help?” David asked, looking down at him.
He felt a tug at his heart. Patrick in his Emcee costume would be something that David would miss. The quiet moment each afternoon when he applied Patrick’s makeup. The alone time in the car as they drove to the theater. The feeling of pride as he watched his man perform so beautifully on stage… for all the world to see.
Patrick raised his arm, reached out his hand. Silently asking for David to help him up.
Their hands clasped together; Patrick stood. Stood in front of him.
“It’s over,” Patrick told him. The break in his voice showing his exhaustion. Showing his emotion. Happiness outlined with a bit of sadness.
“Very proud of you,” David’s hands rested on Patrick’s shoulders. His fingers fiddled with the black elastic strapping he wore. Damp from Patrick’s sweat.
Patrick leaned against him. Tired. “Thank you,” he said in a low voice. He turned his head slightly. Kissed David. Right there in that spot on his neck that was easy to reach without much effort.
David inhaled. Smelled him. All hot and sweaty. Smelling of a man who had sweat through his clothing. He felt his cock twitch.
David’s hands, which had started on Patrick’s shoulders, moved. One hand moved to Patrick’s head. His fingers sliding into the short, wet hair on the back of Patrick’s head, encouraging him to continue doing that thing to his neck. His other hand slid between the two of them. His palm pressing against the damp tank that Patrick wore. His thumb rubbed over one of Patrick’s nipples; both of which had been tight and perfect throughout the performance.
Patrick moved his face only slightly. More kisses there on his neck before he pulled his head back and looked at David. First at his eyes, then his lips. Then back to his eyes.
Looking at Patrick as he did so, took David’s breath away. David loved being able to read his fiancé’s thoughts. And Patrick’s eyes always gave away his thoughts.
“Thank you,” Patrick murmured. “For taking care of me.”
David’s eyes danced with pleasure. Pleasure at hearing the appreciation from Patrick.
David pressed his lips to Patrick’s. A simple kiss at first. A sweet-kiss-from-one-partner-to-another-after-a-long-day kind of kiss.
David pulled back after the kiss and looked Patrick in the eyes. In a rare moment of selfishness, he said, “My turn.”
“MmHm,” Patrick made a low sound of agreement.
David leaned against him. Said in a low, breathy voice near Patrick’s ear, “Take care of me, Daddy,”
Patrick’s hands snaked around David’s waist. His hands held on to David’s ass and in a rough, quick move, Patrick pulled him close. Patrick rocked his hips forward and pressed the evidence of his growing erection against David’s. He slid his tongue into David’s mouth.
The small moan that David emitted from the back of his throat and vibrated through Patrick’s mouth caused Patrick to respond. He’d missed having David in his bed all week. He worked hard to not complain to David about it.
He knew David was being torn. Knew David felt pressure to take care of his mom and his sister, so Patrick didn’t ask him to stay the night; even though that was all he’d wanted.
All he’d wanted was to have David rest his head on his shoulder in bed. Or to roll over and press against David’s back and hold him. Or to talk quietly in the dark of night about the plans for the wedding. Patrick figured that since it had been a week since they’d been engaged that David likely had a lot of ideas to share. And Patrick wanted to hear them all.
But, instead of putting David in the middle. Instead of asking him to choose. Instead of asking him to spend the night, Patrick had quietly gone home after dropping David off at the motel.
Instead, he went home, showered, and went to bed alone.
Instead, he saved all of his energy for the show.
Finally, the show was over. And, he was filled with a burst of energy, and a wave of lust.
He was not gentle as he moved. He pushed David backward.
Three steps until the back of David’s thighs hit the makeup counter. Patrick, hands on David’s shoulders, pulled him down for a bruising kiss.
Empty bottles, boxes, and other containers fell over as David’s hands moved behind himself and brushed the items away. As his ass sat back on the counter. As Patrick pressed against him.
David drew his legs up and wrapped them around Patrick. His feet joined at his ankles just behind Patrick’s thighs.
He reached between them and unzipped Patrick’s shorts. His hand working into the jockstrap that Patrick wore. He tore his mouth away from Patrick’s lips and worked along Patrick’s neck.
That vein.
That vein that called to him from the stage when Patrick strained as he sang loudly. That vein that David wanted to tell every man and woman in the theater was his and his alone to lick.
Patrick hooked his thumbs under the black straps on his shoulders and he pushed them over his shoulders. The contraption that David had painstakingly hand-made for him, a puddle of elastic bands at his feet.
David’s hands left Patrick’s cock only to push his tank, damp from sweat, up his chest. Patrick moved to finish the job, pulling it over his head and dropping it to the floor.
He stood back for a brief moment. Hooded eyes taking in the desire on David’s face. Breathing heavily, he asked, “Lube?”
Patrick was not surprised in the least when David pulled one side of his mouth into a half grin, slid a hand into his right pocket, and pulled out a very small bottle of personal lubricant.
“Atta boy,” Patrick winked.
David pulled half of his lower lip into his mouth. He said nothing, but in his mind, he was begging. Fuck me hard. Please don’t make me ask for it.
He didn’t have to utter a word. Patrick knew what he wanted. And he was ready to give it to him.
Patrick pulled him into another kiss. One hand on the back of David’s head. The other hand working to unbutton and unzip David’s jeans.
David’s hands quickly moved to help him. Wanting not only the release that his unzipped jeans would offer, but to also get the show on the road. He’d missed being with Patrick all week and he was aching for his touch.
Once Patrick’s hand was on David’s cock. Stroking him. Squeezing him. Running his palm over its head. Once he felt him there, David’s hands moved to Patrick. One hand providing a similar release to Patrick while the other roamed over Patrick’s hot, sweaty chest.
David, craving the taste of him, pulled away from their kiss only enough to move his mouth to Patrick’s chest. To lick his nipple. To taste the salty, sweaty skin. He couldn’t help himself. He pulled a mouthful of flesh in and bit down on him. Sucked on him. Leaving a mark on his chest that would be there the next day.
Patrick pulled back. One hand on David’s shoulder, he quickly turned him. Forced David to turn away from him.
David, thrilled, released a soft, “Oh!” When he was turned.
Patrick, taking charge, roughly jerked David’s jeans and boxer-briefs down over his ass. They rested on David, mid-thigh.
Patrick didn’t prepare David for his entry. Instead, he lubed his cock, swiped his lubed finger against David’s hole. Then he pressed the head of his cock against him.
Yes. David thought. Yes.
Patrick knew. He knew what David wanted and he was going to give it to him. He was going to fuck him. And he was not going to be gentle about it.
And if he were being honest with you, Patrick would tell you it is exactly what he wanted in that moment, also. David had convinced him how sexy he was in the Emcee outfit; and Patrick was feeling as virile as he ever had.
David leaned forward, his head down. Top of his head pressed against the mirror. His hands pressed to it as well. Leverage as he leaned over the dirty, cluttered counter where used containers of makeup, discarded hair products, and parts of costumes had been left.
He inhaled sharply as he felt the piercing burning pain as the head of Patrick’s thick cock entered him roughly. He exhaled slowly as Patrick worked himself past the rings of muscle at David’s entry.
Once inside David, Patrick leaned forward. One hand moving up inside David’s sweater. Hand rubbing across the hair on David’s chest. His other hand wrapped low around David, his palm pressed David’s cock up against his lower abdomen. He rubbed him; his palm flat as it rubbed the length of David’s cock up against his lower abdomen while he kissed his neck.
David leaned back against the strong, warm wall of Patrick. He reached a hand up and behind him. His hand on the side of Patrick’s face. His head tilted giving Patrick space to kiss his neck there. Yes. Just like that.
“Feels good,” Patrick breathed out near his ear. “You ready?” He asked.
David nodded and leaned forward again. Hand against the mirror. David looked into the mirror and saw Patrick looking over his shoulder. Their eyes locked on each other’s reflections. “Yes, Daddy,” David told him.
Patrick pulled out slightly, applied more lube and then began.
He pushed into David and pulled out. A harsh, movement that caused David’s body to jerk.
Patrick moved slow at first.
In with force. Shoving David forward.
Then, out.
In with determination. A grunt from David.
Then, out.
And then with his hands on David’s hips, he began to pick up speed.
In. Out.
In. Out.
With each thrust in, David was pressed forward. His thighs hitting the counter in front of himself. His hands pressed against the mirror, helping him remain as steady as possible. His back arched, open and accepting of all that Patrick offered.
Though it felt like nearly 2 years since he and Patrick had been together, it had only been a week.
He’d waited all week to be thoroughly railed by the thick farmer’s cock that was plowing into him.
Patrick grunted quietly behind him with each thrust. David occasionally let out a small whine of pleasure.
They were engrossed in their fucking. The rhythm of it. The feeling of it. Patrick was so deep into the carnal pleasure of it all that he didn’t hear the third person enter the room.
It was David who noticed him first.
Actually, David heard the voice just before he stepped into the room. Heard the voice say, “I’ll get it for you. Be there in a sec.”
Heard the footsteps of someone moving toward the dressing room.
And then, out of the corner of his eye, David saw the movement. Saw Derek step into the doorway.
Derek was the choreographer who helped Patrick and Stevie perfect their Money dance. He was the boyfriend of one of the dancers in the show.
Patrick, fully immersed in the encounter was completely unaware of the intruder. He continued to drive himself into David. Harshly jutting his hips forward as he pressed into David.
David’s body jerked with each thrust as he made eye contact with Derek, who stood frozen two steps into the room.
Patrick looked up and over David’s shoulder into the mirror to see his reflection. And he noticed David was looking to the side. Patrick’s eyes followed David’s line of vision.
That was when Patrick noticed Derek.
Derek’s eyes shifted from David’s face to Patrick’s. Then he looked down their bodies to where they were joined.
“Sorry,” Derek said quietly. But he didn’t move. He looked up their bodies again; made eye contact with Patrick.
Patrick froze as he pressed into David. Said, “Shit.” Turned his face away. Embarrassed.
Patrick began to pull back, but David’s hands moved quickly to stop him. He didn’t want Patrick exposing himself; and in the position they were in, at least nothing was really being seen.
That, and… frankly… it turned David on even more, knowing someone was seeing them as they fucked.
David had one hand on Patrick’s hand that rested on David’s hip. The other hand reached all the way behind himself and grabbed a fist full of Patrick’s shorts. “No. Patrick. Stay. Please.”
Patrick pressed his forehead against the middle of David’s back. His breathing labored. He had been nearly there. Almost ready to lose himself and then… well…
“In or out, Derek.” David said abruptly. “Do what you have to do, or get out.”
“Yeah. Yeah, sorry.” Derek moved quickly. “Jade forgot her bag.”
Derek looked around the room.
Patrick threw his hand up and behind him. “Back there. Corner.”
Derek moved past them to the corner of the room to get the bag.
“Keep going, Patrick. Please,” David both commanded and begged as he arched his back again and bumped his ass against Patrick.
Patrick, forehead still pressed to David’s back. Still embarrassed. Had a carnal need that was aching to be met. He didn’t need much coaxing to continue. Voyeur be damned.
He pulled out an inch and then thrust firmly back into David. Again. Again.
Maybe harsher and more in control because there was another person in the room. Because he knew Derek was watching.
David’s eyes never left Derek. As his body bucked forward with the pressure of Patrick’s movements, he watched in in the mirror as Derek moved behind them. Watched as Derek bent over and retrieved the bag, and then stood there. First, looking away from them, but then slowly turning toward them.
Derek leaned back against the far wall. He looked toward them. His eyes locked with David’s in the mirror. His tongue slowly moved out of his mouth and licked his upper lip.
David felt a new surge of lust roll through him. He expelled a soft grunt.
He knew. He knew he needed to tell Patrick. It felt wrong to not tell Patrick.
But he didn’t want Patrick to stop. It was all too salaciously delicious.
Patrick rammed him. Again. Again.
Harshly.
Roughly.
“Patrick.” David finally said.
Patrick lifted his head. Looked up over David’s shoulder to make eye contact with his reflection in the mirror. David looked away and Patrick, again, followed his gaze.
There, in the reflection of the mirror, he saw Derek. Leaned back against the wall. Holding Jade’s bag over his shoulder. His hand pressed against his crotch.
“Come on, Man,” Patrick panted his annoyance. Annoyed that Derek was still in the room. He wanted to finish. Wanted to fuck the hell out of David. He’d waited all week for him. He was tired of shooting his load into a t-shirt, as he did nearly every night of the past week. He wanted to finish inside of David.
Derek boldly took the few steps necessary to stand near them.
Patrick stiffened when he felt Derek’s hand on his back, between his shoulder blades.
“Sorry, guys,” Derek said. His hand trailed down Patrick to the small curve of his back just above his ass. His finger dragged a line over one of Patrick’s back dimples.
His touch caused an unexpected surge of desire to wash over Patrick who thrust harshly into David, again.
David turned his head toward him, when he felt Derek’s hand on his arm. David looked down as he watched Derek’s hand move over David’s sweater, from David’s arm to press against David’s chest.
David looked up and into the mirror. Saw that Derek and Patrick were looking at each other. It was not lost on him what was happening.
He saw Patrick’s eyes shift from holding Derek’s gaze. His eyes dropped to Derek’s lips.
David knew what that meant.
“Do it,” David said. “Do it, Patrick. It’s fine.”
Fuck. Do it, David thought.
Patrick’s eyes flew to the mirror. David locked eyes with Patrick for a brief moment before Patrick closed his eyes, lowered his head, pressed his forehead to David’s back, and continued to fuck him.
“Derek! Where the fuck are you!” they heard her voice call from the front of the theater.
Upon hearing her, Derek turned on a dime and wordlessly left them alone in the room.
Patrick paused.
Looked toward the door.
He felt like he could still feel the burning touch of Derek’s hand on his back.
He struggled to gain his breath.
And he was pulled out of his thoughts when David commanded, harshly, “Fucking rail me, Daddy. Now.”
And Patrick willingly obliged.
++++++
They were the last ones to arrive. The cast party was at Bob and Gwen’s house. After all, they had a pool. And hot tub. And a nice big back yard.
Gwen had arranged with a few others to have a buffet of snacks. Bob had purchased a couple of kegs. Both David and Patrick had chipped in – with their share as well as for Stevie and Alexis.
After they had finished fucking in the dressing room, David encouraged Patrick to not waste time changing. He put him in the car while still wearing his Emcee outfit. David’s way of ensuring the costume made it back to Patrick’s apartment. There was no way he was leaving it behind.
He had motives.
He had plans.
They were impure.
Once at the apartment, David encouraged Patrick to take a quick shower and then they were off.
The party was in full swing. Music played on large speakers. Lights were strung around the back yard. People hanging out in the pool, sitting in lawn chairs, hanging out in the hot tub.
Gwen had told David about the pool a few days prior. Encouraged them to wear their swim trunks.
It took every ounce of courage for him to do it, but he did it because he had fond memories of being in the pool with Patrick when they spent the weekend at the cabin. That weekend when they were recovering from their dark period.
And he really wanted to be in the water with Patrick, again.
So… he wore them.
They each had worn clothes over their swim trunks. David a pair of loose-fitting, dropped crotch pants; Patrick a pair of his sporty-spice shorts. They both wore plain white t-shirts. When they arrived at Bob and Gwen’s they’d shed their outer clothing. Tucked them into their bags. Set the bags and their towels down just outside of the back door on the deck.
He spotted her and her reaction the moment they appeared in the back yard.
Stevie, having just taken a big drink of beer from her red Solo cup, spotted the two of them. Standing there in their swim trunks. And she spit out the entirety of the mouthful of beer she had taken.
After all, she was seeing it for the first time. There in front of her stood David and Patrick. Both in swim trunks.
David’s being lime green and covered with some sort of colored design.
She squinted her eyes as she walked toward them.
“What the fuck?” She asked. “Are those… turtles?”
++++++
Both of them in the pool, David was happy. He didn’t care how many people were around them. Most everyone was lost in their own conversation or play. They stood, side-by-side against the far end of the pool. The deeper end. Water up to their shoulders. Enjoying the solitude. Relaxing.
David liked being in the water. Liked the feeling of weightlessness. Liked the feeling of water rippling over his skin as he moved his arms back and forth in it.
“Here I come! Look out!” They heard Ray call as he leapt over their heads and pulled his body into a cannonball. He landed a few feet in front of them. His splash covering them.
“Mygod!” David proclaimed.
“Hey, buddy!” Patrick greeted Ray with a smile.
“Patrick, you are so talented. Wasn’t his performance magnificent, David?” Ray was all smiles and happy to be with his friends.
“You were great, too, Ray! It’s been fun being at rehearsals with you. I’ve missed spending time with you.” Patrick told him.
“You did a nice job, Ray. I enjoyed your performance.” David said dutifully. Truth be known, after the first night he kind of checked out during the production when Patrick wasn’t on stage.
“Thank you, David. It was fun having you there every night.” Ray said. Then he added, “You certainly are a dedicated boyfriend…. I mean fiancé.”
“M’Kay,” David nodded. Not wanting to be rude, but tired of the small talk.
“Oh, excuse me. I’m going to go. It looks like Twyla has the karaoke machine set up. We’ve planned to sing Islands in the Stream together.” Ray moved away from them. Swimming to the other side of the pool so he could use the steps on the shallow end to get out of the water.
“Call me crazy?” David said quietly with a smirk on his face, “But I kind of miss our time with Ray.”
Patrick nodded. “Me, too. Though he did mention the other day that he could use some extra help on some contracts. Thought I’d do it. Make a little money for the wedding fund.”
“Twirl me,” David said, changing the topic as he turned toward Patrick and lifted his legs. Wrapped them around Patrick’s waist. Rested his hands on Patrick’s shoulders.
Patrick walked backward through the water in their little corner of the pool. Cool water around them. David, feather light in his arms. He turned in circles and walked forward and backward as they felt the water wash around them.
David held Patrick’s face in his hands and kissed him. Softly. Sweetly.
David pulled back and looked him in the eyes, then leaned in. Wrapped his arms tightly around Patrick.
“So… are we going to talk about what happened back there?” David asked him. His voice quiet and he spoke almost directly into Patrick’s ear, so that only Patrick could hear him.
“That was…” Patrick was at a loss for words.
“Unexpected?” David finished his sentence.
“Strange,” Patrick nodded. Continued to walk backward and turn them in circles.
“Hot?” David carefully offered.
“Kinda,” Patrick agreed. “Yeah.” His lips close to David’s ear, so their conversation was private. Very private.
“Did he touch you?” David whispered his question.
“My back.” Patrick told him.
“My chest,” David said. “I mean… over my sweater… but…”
“I saw,” Patrick told him. Patrick wasn’t sure if he was jealous or…
David interrupted his thoughts when he asked, “What did you…”
“Hey guys.”
Before David could finish his sentence, they were interrupted as Derek walked up to the side of the pool and sat down. Dangled his feet in the water near the two of them.
Well, he’s just everywhere tonight, David thought.
He made a move to release Patrick. He started to drop his legs away from Patrick’s waist, but Patrick moved his arm and pulled on David’s leg. Encouraged him to keep them wrapped around Patrick’s waist.
David read his cue and moved one of his hands that was resting on Patrick’s shoulder and wrapped it around Patrick’s neck. Held him closer.
“Hi Derek.” Patrick noticed that David’s voice sounded casual. As though they weren’t having intercourse in front of him a mere hour earlier. As though they hadn’t had a quasi-sexual encounter with him.
“Guys, can I….”
Patrick interrupted him, “There’s no need to apologize. Things… happen.” Patrick tried to sound as casual as David had. He didn’t pull it off. His voice cracked when he spoke.
“I wasn’t going to…” Derek paused. Looked at David, “Do I need to apologize?”
“No. No, no, no.” Patrick said nervously.
David shook his head and silently mouthed the word, No.
“OK. Well, I came over to talk if you have a sec,” Derek slid into the water. Stood near them.
David unhooked his legs from Patrick’s waist. Stood beside him.
Patrick slid his arm around David back. Held him close. Said, “What’s up?”
Derek leaned close to them and spoke quietly, “I told Jade about… you know.”
Patrick huffed out a sort of nervous laugh, “Why… why… Why did you do that?”
David leaned close to Patrick and turned to him. Said quietly near his ear, “Patrick. It’s OK. Give him a minute to talk.”
Patrick took a deep, shaky breath. Exhaled. “Sorry,” he nodded once. Pressed his lips together.
Derek looked at David who nodded, indicating it was fine for him to continue.
“She is… she said it would be fine with her if… if the two of you wanted to come over… sometime,” Derek said.
David turned toward Patrick. Looked at Patrick. Watched Patrick nod as though he followed what Derek was saying.
He was shocked when he heard Patrick say, “Oh. That’s nice. That sounds nice.”
“Patrick,” David whispered.
“Hmm?” Patrick turned to look at David. Noticed that David had one eyebrow raised. Then the situation dawned on Patrick. “Oh. Ohhhh.” Patrick said.
“I think that’s something we’d need to discuss,” David told Derek. “We’ll get back with you.”
“That’s cool,” Derek nodded.
Derek began to turn away but stopped when he heard Patrick ask, “You mean the four of us? Not just… not us.” Patrick held up a finger and pointed it from himself to David to Derek. “But… her too?”
David pulled his lips into his mouth and bit down.
One side of Derek’s mouth pulled back into a slight smirk. Obviously finding humor in Patrick’s naïveté. “Yeah. That’s what I’m saying.”
Patrick’s head immediately began to shake in the negative before he spoke. “Yeah. No. That’s not going to happen.”
David’s face was uncharacteristically still. No movement. Not the slightest.
“Cool. Cool,” Derek nodded. “OK. Gonna go get a drink,” he said as he swam away from them toward the other end of the pool leaving David and Patrick standing, side by side, watching him go.
“Can you believe that?” Patrick asked as he turned to face David.
David raised his eyebrows. Crossed his arms over his chest. Though his voice was quiet, it was high pitched and soft, “Ummm. Which part?”
“He wants us to have sex with a girl?” Patrick held up a hand in a shrug to make his point.
“Jade’s a woman. Not a girl,” David corrected him. His tone showed his annoyance.
“OK. Sorry. He wants us to have sex with a woman?” Patrick restated his objection.
“What’s wrong with that?” David shook his head.
“Hello.” Patrick said. Then pointed a finger at his chest. “Gay.”
“Hello.” David said. Then pointed a finger at his chest. “Not gay.”
Patrick pulled his head back as though he had been punched. “What?”
“You know I’m not gay. You know I have preferences that run the spectrum.” David whispered as he crossed his arms over his chest. A challenging stance. Ready to argue the point, regardless of how irrational the discussion was. Regardless of the fact that they were in a space full of people.
David had zero interest in a foursome. Period. And he, of course, would never put Patrick in a situation that would require sexual contact with a woman. He knew about Patrick’s past and his struggles when being sexually active with women.
But still.
It bothered him to no end that… first, Patrick answered for them both when they had not discussed it. And second, that Patrick could not fathom the idea that David could be sexually attracted to a woman.
“What are you…Are you…. I mean….” Patrick worked to find his words. “Do you want to have sex with them?”
David shook his head. Pressed his lips together before he said, “Wouldn’t matter now, would it?”
“David!” Patrick said his name louder than he should have. People who were in the pool and those who were just outside of it near them stopped what they were doing and looked over at them. It was evident that they were arguing.
Quietly, David whispered, “I’m going to go change my clothes.”
Without hesitating, David turned and swam across the pool, making sure that his hair remained above water so as to not get it wet. He swam over to the shallow end so he could step easily out of the water.
He didn’t have to look to know that Patrick remained in the deep end and watched him go.
++++++
Patrick let him go. He was confused. Frustrated. And he wasn’t sure exactly how to proceed.
The two of them hardly ever argued. If they did, it was about little things. Whose turn it was to take out the trash. That sort of thing.
Bickering, really. That’s they closest they ever came to an argument. They were so in sync. So on the same page, that arguments didn’t really happen.
This was different. They had been propositioned. And it was… in Patrick’s mind… an inappropriate situation and an ask that was out of left field. It was a clear no, as far as he was concerned. It bothered him to his core that David had, apparently, wanted to say yes.
He watched David get out of the pool. Watched him walk toward the house. Noticed Stevie intercept David in his attempt to walk quickly inside without being noticed. Watched David take Stevie’s cup from her and down whatever it was that was in it. Saw him toss the cup over his right shoulder and walk past her.
Stevie immediately scanned the people in the pool until her eyes landed on Patrick. She mouthed, “What the fuck?” to him.
Patrick just shrugged.
++++++
Patrick got out of the pool. Headed for the house.
There by the back door, where he and David had dropped their bags, he reached for his towel. Dried himself as best he could and then walked, barefoot, into the house. His bag in one hand. His towel draped over one of his shoulders.
He looked around the table where several of the people from the production were playing a game of poker. Bob. Ronnie. Adam. Alison. Clarissa. Ray. Gwen.
Gwen moved her hand and caught Patrick’s eye. She pointed at the stairs.
Patrick raised his chin in understanding. He headed for the stairs.
When he reached the second floor, he was unsure where he was going. He walked down the hall, past rooms that had open doors. A room that was set up as an office. A room that was likely Bob and Gwen’s bedroom. There were two doors at the end of the hallway, one on each side of the hall.
Both doors were closed.
He figured one of them was the bathroom.
Unsure which it was, he took his chances and moved to one of the doors. He rapped on it twice and then opened it. Just as he turned the knob and started to push on it, David came out of the room behind him and said, “Patrick, don’t….”
But it was too late. Patrick had opened the door to the room.
And he stood there. Frozen in place as he took in the contents of the room.
“I made that mistake, too. Bathroom is behind us.” David said as he stood directly behind Patrick and looked into the room for the second time that night.
“David, what the hell?” Patrick whispered.
“I know,” David said quietly. His hand resting on Patrick’s shoulder as, together, they looked into the room.
“Looks like you found our entertainment room,” they heard Gwen’s voice.
Gwen knew with the two of them going upstairs that they were likely to find the room. That’s why she told David he could use the bathroom upstairs. She wanted them to see it. It always gave Gwen a little thrill when people learned of her… hobby. Realized that she wasn’t milquetoast. That she wasn’t “Just Gwen” of “Bob and Gwen.”
After giving them some time upstairs, she thought she’d go up to check on them. She was more than a little pleased to find them standing just outside the room with the door wide open.
They both backed away. “Sorry. Sorry, Gwen. Stumbled on it looking for the bathroom.” David said as Patrick turned away and ducked into the bathroom across the hall.
She continued walking toward him. A grin like a Cheshire cat. “It’s not a problem, David. We’re not ashamed of it.”
“Nor should you be,” David laughed a little and bent his knees as he spoke. “I’ve seen some… entertainment rooms… in my time, Gwen. And this one appears to be top notch.”
Gwen smiled with pride. “Thank you. Worked hard on it. We like it. We’ve entertained quite a bit in there.”
If David was shocked, his face didn’t show it. Cool as can be, he responded, “That’s great. Always nice to have the spaces you create be used as intended.”
“You boys are welcome to spend some time in there. The door locks,” she told him.
“Thanks… I think probably we’ll head downstairs when Patrick’s done changing,” David said.
“Suit yourself.” She shrugged. “Everything’s been sanitized. If you go in… use anything you want… just use the cleaner there in the basket near the door to clean up before you leave.” She turned and left him alone in the hallway.
Once she was gone, the bathroom door opened. Patrick poked his head out. “Is she gone?”
“Yeah. Thanks. You’re just… battin’ a thousand tonight, aren’t you,” David said. His voice deadpan.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Patrick asked him.
David entered the room. Set his bag down just inside the door. Flipped on the light switch. The red bulb in the overhead light cast a red glow over everything. He walked deep into the room.
“David,” Patrick chastised him.
“What, Patrick? She said we could,” David shook his head.
“What is this room?” Patrick stepped in, even though he knew. He wasn’t that naïve; he’d just never seen anything in real life like it. He took in the contents of the room. It’s décor.
On one wall hung dark curtains over the window. A series of chains were bolted into the wall near the door.
David shrugged, “A dungeon.” He turned and opened up the large, wardrobe-type cabinet on the far side of the room.
Patrick made a sound. Somewhere between an uncomfortable chuckle and a disbelieving exhalation. “Aren’t those supposed to be in basements?”
“Not necessarily,” David pulled a whip out of the cabinet. He unfurled it with some sense of familiarity. Jerked his hand quickly and the whip stretched out across the room and made a cracking sound. “I was once in one that was in a penthouse.”
Patrick took a step back when David cracked the whip, “David, that’s not… don’t… it doesn’t seem…”
“Patrick, calm down. She said we could use the space. We’re not doing anything wrong,” David told him. He wound the whip back into a circle, like he found it; and put it back in the cabinet.
Patrick, frozen in place, looked around the room. A leather bench with straps over in the corner. The items in the cabinet behind David. But his eyes kept going back to the contraption hanging from the ceiling in the middle of the room.
David kept him in view. Saw where Patrick’s eyes had settled.
“Wanna try it?” David asked him.
“What is it?” Patrick set his bag down by David’s.
“You know what it is, Patrick.” David moved toward it. Backed up to it. Sat down on it. “It’s a swing.”
Patrick looked up at the ceiling where the hooks for the swing were mounted. “David be careful. It might not…”
“Gwen and Bob use this, Patrick. It’s going to hold me.” David leaned back into the swing. Hooked his feet into the straps that were meant to hold his legs up. Looked down his body and through his spread legs at Patrick.
It had been a long time. A lonnng damn time, since David had been in one.
Patrick slowly closed the door to the room. Looked at David and then decided to lock the door. He, slowly, timidly, walked toward David.
David rocked his body slightly, causing the swing to do exactly what it was intended to do. He began to swing back and forth in front of Patrick.
Toward Patrick.
Away from Patrick.
Toward Patrick.
Away from Patrick.
Patrick rested his hands on David’s thighs. Watched David move in front of him.
He contemplated what it would be like to fuck him in this position. The ease with which he’d be able to move. The control he’d have over David’s every movement.
David’s body swayed in front of him. As the swing moved toward Patrick, David’s ass came in contact with Patrick’s abdomen. Then he swung away from Patrick.
Patrick looked up. Looked at the cabinet. Saw things in there that made him uncomfortable. And, though he would not admit it, they scared him.
Patrick shook his head and shrugged. Took a step back. Shoved his hands deep into the pockets of his jeans. “Nope. It won’t work. It’s too high. No.”
David rolled his eyes and sat up. “It’s hung for Bob, clearly. He’s taller than you. Here… you get in. I’ll show you.”
“I’m not getting in that,” Patrick grumbled, yet he didn’t move away.
“Just try it. Just… sit. Please,” David encouraged him. “We’re not going to take off our clothes. Just…”
Patrick looked at him. His voice somewhere between annoyed and fearful said simply, “David.”
David, not one to push Patrick out of his comfort zone, was adamant. He knew they might not get the chance again. So, he softened his voice. His hands on Patrick’s shoulders. He asked again, “Please. Just try it.”
Patrick backed up to the swing. Gently, timidly, held on to the chains that held the leather contraption. Lifted himself up and sat on it.
It immediately began to swing; the movement of his body weight lowering onto it.
“Lean back,” David instructed him.
Patrick refused to relax back into the swing. He held his body stiff. His core muscles holding himself upright.
“Here, put your feet in these,” David held one of the straps up and moved to loop it onto Patrick’s foot.
Patrick jerked his foot away from him. “No. No, David.” He slid off the swing.
Angry, he walked away from the contraption. Moved toward the dresser that stood near the door.
“We’re not having sex in here, David,” Patrick said frankly.
“Who said I wanted to have sex in here?” David asked him.
“You’re acting all weird. This is… this is not us, David. We’re not these people,” Patrick waved his hand to indicate the room full of contraptions, tools, and toys.
David, turned to face him. One hand on his waist. He nodded quickly, several times. “To be clear… you’re now the decider about our sex life?”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Patrick moved nearer the door. Put his hand on the door knob. Ready to open it. Ready to leave. Ready to… run.
“I believe what I said was clear. You are making all the decisions about our sex life today. There’s no… oh, I don’t know… discussion. No…. oh, let’s check to see what David wants. As long as Patrick gets what he wants, it’s all good?” David didn’t hide is frustration. His anger. His… utter exhaustion at having put everyone first in his life over the last few days… weeks… hell… years.
He'd reached his limit.
The last straw on the proverbial camel’s back.
As David expressed his discontent, his voice grew louder. Higher in tone.
As David expressed his discontent, Patrick became more uncomfortable.
Worried that David’s voice would travel through the house, Patrick held a finger to his mouth. “David.. shhh.”
A quiet pause fell over them.
Patrick, seeing the look of shock on David’s face, instantly regretted his actions.
“You…. you did not just…”
Patrick interrupted him. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean… I just… I didn’t want your voice to…. There’s a lot of people here David… and…”
David, hand in the air, grew louder. “I don’t fucking care who is here. I don’t fucking care who hears me. Don’t you…” David stopped. Took a deep breath. His next words were a near whisper as he poked his finger in the air toward him, “Patrick. Edward. Brewer. Don’t you evvvverrrrr shush me again.”
David walked toward the door. Walked past Patrick. Unlocked the door.
“David,” Patrick said quietly. “Please, wait.”
With his back to Patrick, David said, “Get your fucking bag and go directly to the car. You’re taking me home.”
David walked out of the room and headed downstairs.
++++++
Patrick started the car, but did not put it into gear.
They sat in silence.
“Take me home.” David told him.
“Listen, David…”
“Take. Me. Home.” David repeated.
“Hear me out. OK?” Patrick turned in his seat.
David faced forward. Refused to look at him.
“We’ve got that thing tomorrow,” Patrick reminded him.
After a moment of quiet, it registered with him. He knew that Patrick was right. Damnit.
David sighed, “The venue.”
“The venue.” Patrick echoed. Then he added, “We’re taking your folks with us… and…”
“If you think my mom is going to actually get out of bed to go, you’re wrong,” David said.
Patrick nodded, “Regardless… David… If this place is all that you say it is…?”
“It’s stunning,” David said. He rolled his eyes.
“Yeah. Well… if we aren’t happy with one another? If we don’t work through this…?” Patrick waved his hand between the two of them, “We’re going to regret it.”
David, his body still facing forward, turned his head and looked at Patrick.
Their eyes locked.
Patrick said quietly, “We’ll remember… on our wedding day? We’ll remember that when we were there for the first time that we weren’t on good terms with one another.”
David was quiet.
Patrick sat back in his seat. His hands in his lap. Waited.
Patrick was raised by Clint and Marcy. They were not private about their belief about the arguments between partners. Never go to bed angry with one another. Always talk it through. Maybe you aren’t completely on the same page. Maybe you aren’t totally over it. But talk it through. Hear each other out or when you wake up, it may be worse.
“Well…? We can’t have this discussion at the motel. There’s not enough privacy.” David said.
“We can go to my place,” Patrick said. He put the car in gear.
“No.” David held out his hand and gripped Patrick’s forearm to stop him. “Not your place. You’re going to take one look at your bed and be tired. You’ve had a long day.”
“We can talk and then go to bed,” Patrick offered.
David shook his head, “Patrick. I can’t spend the night there. It’s her last night at home.” David’s voice sounded exhausted. Weary. “I just… I can’t.”
“OK,” Patrick pulled the car into the street.
He knew where they needed to go.
++++++
“I have to pee,” Patrick walked across the store to the restroom as David locked the front door of the Apothecary. “I’m starving. Do we have anything in the fridge in the office?” He asked before he turned into the back room.
“I’ll get something together,” David said quietly. Not really sure if Patrick heard him or not.
They hadn’t eaten, really. They snacked on a few things before they got into the pool at the cast party, but they hadn’t really eaten all evening.
Though he hadn’t realized it until Patrick had mentioned his own hunger, David knew that he had crossed the threshold into hangry when they were back at Bob and Gwen’s.
David went to the cooler near the register and selected a few items. A small tub of hummus. Some olive tapenade. A small jar of raspberry preserves. A bag of those new little mini naans that he’d recently decided to sell.
He gathered the items and headed for the office and then he stopped. Turned back.
Wine. He’d need wine.
When Patrick opened the door of the restroom and turned out the light, he heard David call from the office, “I didn’t hear the toilet flush… or any water running!”
Patrick rolled his eyes. God, it annoyed him when David did that. He was tired. He was hungry. And he did not need to be nagged.
But, instead of saying anything, he dutifully returned to the restroom to flush the toilet and wash his hands.
++++++
They sat at the table in the office. Overhead light on. David didn’t want to risk Patrick getting drowsy like he might if they were in a darker room. If they were going to have this discussion, they needed to have it. It was just past midnight and they were likely going to be there a while. And his Patrick was far from a night owl.
Patrick had decided against beer and was drinking a soda, while David poured himself a healthy dose of the chardonnay.
They ate quietly. Tearing into the hummus and tapenade. Each clearly hungrier than they had thought, or maybe both avoiding the start of a difficult conversation.
“Those little bread things are really good,” Patrick told him. His mouth full of food.
“MmHmm,” David made a noise. He swallowed. Worked hard to not tell Patrick that talking with his mouth full is rude. “They’re called naan.” He spread some of the preserves onto one and took a bite. “Ivan’s making some small batches for us to test out. See if they will sell along with some of the spreads we have.”
“That’s smart,” Patrick said before he took a long drink from his soda. Burped. Patted his chest.
David looked at him. Face void of expression.
“Sorry,” Patrick mumbled, knowing David found it distasteful when he didn’t suppress his belches.
David put the rest of his jam covered naan in his mouth. Quietly watched Patrick.
Patrick, ready to get the show on the road, sat back in his chair. Pushed a bit away from the table. “Where do you want to start?”
David finished chewing the bread. Swallowed. Took a good drink of the wine. Rubbed his hands together. “I suppose back there. At the theater.”
Patrick’s brow furrowed, “What about it.”
David raised an eyebrow, “What about it?”
“I mean… we already… we talked about it already,” Patrick told him. “When we were in the pool.”
David nodded. Eyed Patrick. Could tell by the way Patrick held one of his hands in his other. The way he pressed his thumb against that vein on the back of his hand, that he was nervous.
“Why didn’t you kiss him?” David’s question was direct and challenging.
“I didn’t want to kiss him,” Patrick shook his head and huffed out a little laugh.
David eyed him. Crossed his arms over his chest and with one nod, said, “But, you did want to.”
Patrick locked eyes with David.
He said nothing.
“Patrick Brewer, don’t lie to me. I know what you look like when you want to kiss me. I saw you look at him. Just like that,” David challenged him.
“If I had wanted to kiss him, I’d have kissed him. Just because I looked at him like that, doesn’t mean I’d go through with it,” Patrick told him.
“So… you did want to,” David said.
“Thinking about wanting to… and wanting to… they’re two different things, David.” Patrick. Ever the skirter of the issue. Ever the re-framer. Re-framing so that it didn’t sound as bad as it was. Tap-dancing, like a Brewer man, through the mine field.
David rolled his eyes. He refused to get pulled into the whole conversation of semantics that Patrick liked to go through when he was in an argument. So, David moved on.
“I told you that you could,” David said. “So, if you thought you might want to… why didn’t you?”
“I didn’t want to, David. OK? Is that all right with you? I had my dick in your ass and I didn’t want to…” Patrick stopped talking. He rested his hands on the tabletop. His eyes on one of his hands. Willing himself to calm down and not get angry.
David waited.
Patrick finally spoke again, when he had more control over himself. “I felt weird. It just… felt… weird… OK?” Patrick finally made eye contact with David.
David waited. Knowing Patrick would have more to say.
“Who does that?” Patrick asked. “Who walks in on someone having sex and just… stares at them? Who… I mean… instead of turning around and leaving… who just… who touches themselves and then… just… I mean… starts touching them?” Then Patrick added a whispered, “Touching us?”
David looked to the side and could not resist saying, “Every character in every porn movie ever made.”
Patrick chuckled, held out a hand toward David. Pointed at him. As though David had made his point for him, “Exactly.”
“Listen,” David told him, “I’m not saying it was appropriate for him. Honestly, it’s not right for someone to watch you… or touch you… without your consent,… and he didn’t ask you before he touched you.”
A red-faced Patrick laced his fingers together and dropped his hands to his lap. His face still turned down; he looked up at David. Big brown eyes locked with David’s.
The room was quiet as their eyes locked together.
He spoke quietly and admitted, “I liked it, David.”
“I know, Sweetie,” David said, just as quietly. “That’s OK.”
“But… I also didn’t like it.” Patrick added.
“Want to tell me more about that?” David asked. His many months in therapy paying off in the form of his asking open-ended questions.
Still quiet, in nearly a whisper, Patrick continued, “You know me. I’m a take charge kind of guy. I can do hard things, but first I have to read the manuals. Talk something through before I dive in. I’m not ready for something like that.”
David nodded. He knew. He knew.
“I’m not saying I didn’t want it,” Patrick said. Then he added for clarification, “But I’m saying I didn’t want it tonight. Not like that.”
David pressed his lips together. Hearing new information from Patrick. His eyes never leaving the blushing face of his fiancé.
“I’m not saying I want it in the future… but maybe…” Patrick said. Then he shrugged and added, “I’m not sure if that makes sense.”
David’s eyes squinted a bit as he tried to process what Patrick was saying. Tried to follow. “Sss…so…So tonight, it turned you on and you wanted something to happen. But because it was not planned, it felt wrong and you were… embarrassed? Scared?”
Patrick nodded. Said nothing.
“And you’re not saying that you want it to happen… in the future,” David continued his interpretation, “But, if it did, you’d want a heads up. Want to talk it through.”
“Yeah. That’s a good assessment,” Patrick told him.
“That’s good to know,” David nodded. Pleasantly surprised by his fiancé, who he thought would never really surprise him like that. He finished his glass of wine. Poured himself another.
Sat back in his chair.
Waited.
Patrick crossed his arms over his chest. “Is that it? We done?”
David made a face of amusement. “Hardly.”
“What else?”
“Derek. Jade,” David said quietly. Though he knew they had to discuss the issue, he didn’t really want to go there. Not in that moment. But it was time. The issue of his preferences had come up a few times before, and he’d let it slide each of those times.
He couldn’t allow it to slide any longer.
“I don’t understand what the problem is with that. Why’d you get so mad?” Patrick asked.
“A couple of things…”
Patrick shrugged his shoulders. Tilted his head. Waited.
David decided to start with the easier part of his concern.
“Well… I think first, we need to talk about when one of us answers for both us, the other shouldn’t override the answer,” David said. “We’re going to be married. We’re going to have a lot of situations…”
“You think we’re going to have a lot of people asking us to have a foursome?” Patrick asked with a chuckle.
“Jesus, Patrick. I mean invitations. To dinners. To parties. To…. I don’t know… to volunteer at some fucking event,” David clarified. His voice showing his irritation.
“Oh,” Patrick made a small noise of understanding. “OK.”
“I told him that we’d talk about it and get back with him,” David said. “That should have sufficed.”
“Until I realized he meant more than a threesome,” Patrick said.
“Why does that change anything? I said we’d talk about it and get back with him,” David reiterated.
“But the answer was going to be no. So why not just tell him no?” Patrick asked.
David pushed down the anger that immediately began to bubble into his chest. He scooted his chair away from the table. He leaned forward. His elbows on his thighs. He wasn’t going to go there yet. He needed to stay on topic.
He leaned forward and looked Patrick directly in the eyes. “Because it’s rude. In a situation like we were in. When one is being invited into a sexual dalliance… declining immediately is seen as rude.”
“You’ve declined immediately before. You didn’t seem to think that was rude,” Patrick challenged him. He knew as soon as he’d brought up the situation, that he shouldn’t have. And he was right.
He shouldn’t have.
David’s response was uncharacteristic of him. It was swift and it was loud.
David smacked both his hands on the table as he rose to his feet. All while saying loudly, “With. Toby. The. Mother. Fucking. Umpire!”
Patrick, not moving an inch. Hands folded in his lap, looked up at David.
And in any other situation, he would have been more respectful. But this wasn’t any other situation. He was tired, and he was being reprimanded. And because of that, he pushed back.
“Yeah… So?” Patrick asked.
David’s teeth locked together. He spoke with his jaw clenched. “We were never going to have sex with that fucking douche.”
“That was your decision,” Patrick pointed at him. Arguing just to be arguing.
David crossed his arms over his chest and looked down at Patrick. Took a breath. Shut his eyes.
Tried to focus. They were getting off track.
When he spoke, his voice was soft. Quiet. “I’m not going to talk about him right now. This is not about him.”
Patrick stubbornly shook his head. “Then, what?”
“Why are you being like this?” David asked.
Patrick paused for a brief moment before saying what he’d been holding on to ever since they left Bob and Gwen’s. “I’m gay, David. I’m not gonna have sex with a girl.”
“Woman. She’s a woman, not a girl,” David corrected him, not for the first time that night.
With his knuckles, Patrick knocked on the table top and said, “There it is.”
“There… what… is?” David shook his head.
“You. Policing my words. Reminding me of manners. Telling me to wash my mother-fucking hands when I take a fucking piss!” Patrick stood so quickly his chair fell over behind him.
The loud outburst from Patrick startled David. His usage of the word fucking, startled David.
David took a step back. His eyes wide.
Patrick ran his hand through his hair. Both of his hands coming to rest on his waist. “David, you know I mean no disrespect to Jade when I call her a girl. I just…”
“It’s infantilizing, Patrick. She deserves to be called a woman. You know you hate it when people call us boys,” David told him.
Patrick nodded. “OK. OK.” He took a few steps backward until he was leaning back against the cabinet in the kitchenette. “So… what. You want to have sex with Jade? You want to have the foursome?”
David shook his head, “I didn’t say that.”
“But you’re angry that I told them no,” Patrick countered.
“Because it’s rude.” David told him, again.
“Oh. My. God.” Patrick held up a hand and walked past David. Walked across the office. Reached the curtain and jerked it back. Walked through it and into the store.
David leaned over and picked up Patrick’s chair. Threw Patrick’s empty soda can into the recycling bin. Filled his wine glass with water and gulped it down. Went over to the desk and pulled the note pad out of the drawer. Wrote down each item he had picked for them to eat. He knew Patrick would want to be sure they accounted for everything so they could pay the till on Monday.
He saw movement out of the corner of his eye. Patrick stood just inside the office.
“Did you want to talk about it and get back with them because you wanted to talk me into it?” Patrick asked.
“No,” David shook his head.
“I’m gonna need you to start using some mother-fucking words, David. Because I’m about to lose my shit,” Patrick told him.
David sat down behind the desk. “M’Kay.” Keeping his answer simple, because the simple fact that Patrick was cussing like he was meant that he had – in fact – already lost his shit.
Patrick moved to the desk. Sat down across the desk on a chair that faced David. He rubbed both of his hands over his face. His fingers spending extra time rubbing his eyes. He was exhausted. God he was tired.
“It is rude, Patrick. But you saying no isn’t all I’m frustrated about. First, you should know that I knew… long before you said it… that your answer to them would be no. I know how you feel about sleeping with women. I know what you went through. You couldn’t… I get that you’re done with women,” David told him.
Patrick shrugged his shoulders and shook his head. “So are you. Right?”
David shrugged, “I…”
“David, we’re in a gay relationship,” Patrick said.
David used every ounce of his self-control to remain calm. Quiet. Though he honestly felt like throttling him. Either he was remarkably dense or being intentionally infuriating.
David’s voice was near a whisper when he said, “No. Patrick. We’re in a same-sex relationship.”
Without hesitating, Patrick said, “What’s the difference? We’re two men.”
“You’re gay. You’ve been clear about that.” David said. “And I’ve been very clear that I’m not. My preferences are broader. If I’m forced to put a label on it, I’m pansexual. Patrick, you fucking know this.”
“You were, David. In your…” Patrick waved his hand over his shoulder to indicate the world outside of their store. “In your past. You were into people of… regardless of their gender.”
“That’s correct,” David nodded.
“Right. But now you’re with me… you’re gay,” Patrick said. “Right?”
“That’s not how it works. That’s not how it works, Patrick,” David said. Then on a near whisper, he said, “You know this. I know you know this.”
Patrick stared at him. He knew he shouldn’t push back. He knew he should just say, “OK.” But he was tired. And when he got tired, he got grumpy. And when he was grumpy, he was just a complete asshole. And he knew it.
“Let me ask you something,” David leaned back in his chair. Crossed one leg over the other.
Patrick waited.
“We’re in this monogamous relationship. Presumably for the rest of our lives,” David said.
“Presumably?” Patrick pushed back.
“Just hear me out… and stop arguing for a minute?” David held up a hand.
Patrick sat back. Arms crossed over his chest.
“So, let’s say we’re six months into our marriage. And we’re working in the store one day and in walks Ken. Ken, with his mega-watt smile and his tight skinny jeans that make his little ass look perfect.” David asked.
Patrick’s eyes shifted to the side. “OK.”
“Are you telling me that your big ol’ penis isn’t going to react and you aren’t going to think about that handsy little kiss you had with him in the parking lot of the Steak ‘N Shake?” David asked. “You’re not going to let him creep into your mind when you’re fucking me later that night? You’re not going to imagine your dick in his mouth? Or up his ass?”
“Alright, David. That’s enough,” Patrick said. Stopping the visual David was painting.
“Well?” David asked.
“What’s your point?” Patrick asked. Admitting to nothing.
David took a deep breath. Exhaled slowly. “My point is, my love… that as much as I will commit to you. Even if we are monogamous and bring nobody else into our bed? I will always look at other people and be sexually attracted to them. Either of us expecting from the other anything else will be setting us up to fail. And my preferences before I met you? They haven’t changed. I like what I like.”
Patrick leaned forward. “But you chose me.”
“I did. I did choose you. And I will choose you every time. Because I love you to the depths of my soul,” David said; his voice soft. “But that doesn’t stop me from having attractions to the bodies and the personalities… and the spirits… of other people.” And then he added, “Whether they are cis-gender, gay men… or not.”
Patrick eyed David. Said nothing.
“I’m not gay, Patrick.” David said in clarification. “You know this.”
“I’m sorry.” Patrick said.
David closed his eyes with relief and nodded, “It’s OK,” he whispered.
Patrick continued. “No… I’m… I’m really sorry. I need to respect that more. I don’t think… David I have always, in my mind, thought of you as gay… because I have to think of you in terms of… us. I have to keep those other people out of my mind or it can drive me a little crazy.”
David nodded. Understanding for the first time that Patrick wasn’t being dismissive of him. But rather being protective of himself.
Thinking of David as pan would force Patrick into thinking of other people with whom he’d been with. Other people he… might still want to be with.
Patrick continued to speak, “Sometimes I remember about Stevie… or Jake… or… god… Sebastian…”
“M’Kay. Let’s not list the dead,” David teased as he waved his hand in front of himself. Bringing a little lightheartedness to the table.
Patrick smiled at him. Shook his head, “I didn’t mean to disrespect you…. or your past relationships… or who you are.”
“I see that now,” David stood moved around the desk. Leaned back against it as he stood in front of Patrick.
Patrick stood. “You were… being kind to him when you told him we’d think about it and get back to him.”
David nodded his head.
“And even though you might be interested in what he had to offer… you would not have had a problem with us saying no… because you know my history and how I feel about gir… women.” Patrick quickly caught and corrected himself. He tilted his head to the side and clarified, “Having sex with women.”
David nodded, “That’s correct.”
Having the reminder of David’s preferences began to weigh heavily in his thoughts. Patrick cleared his throat and stepped away. Walked over to the kitchenette.
“What?” David encouraged him to speak.
“Do… do you want to? Go have sex with them. I mean… just you.”
“I’m not asking for that,” David said.
“I’m not asking if you’re asking. I know you’re not asking. I’m asking you if you want to.” Patrick turned to look at him. Brown eyes staring into a set of deeper brown eyes.
“It’s not an option,” David shook his head. Pressed his lips together. Waved his hand in front of himself as though he were erasing a chalk board. “Moot point.”
“What if it wasn’t?” Patrick felt the pain in his gut the moment he asked.
David took a few steps toward him. “Are you… are you offering me a hall pass to go fuck Derek and Jade? Like… without you anywhere around?”
Patrick, hands on his waist, looked down at his feet. Voice quiet. “I’m asking if you want a hall pass.”
David was quiet. He knew what he should say. He wasn’t sure if that was what he wanted to say.
Patrick made a sound. Something between a groan and a chuckle. “I guess your silence kind of answers my question.”
David sat at the table. Ignored Patrick’s comment, “I don’t think I do, Patrick. I mean… I don’t with them. I’m not that interested in them.”
“But…?” Patrick asked. He also sat down at the table.
“I guess I would say I don’t want to do that … now. But I can’t say that I would always say no. If I’m being honest, I might like to know that there could be a door open to it in the future,” David told him. Then, boldly added, “Honestly, I’m… sort of… scared of the idea of having sex with just you for the rest of my life.”
It hit Patrick like a punch in the gut. The idea of David entertaining the notion of leaving their bed to join someone else. Leaving Patrick behind while he had his own sexual experience. All because the idea of having Patrick as his only sexual partner was… scary?
Patrick nodded as he took in the information.
Angry. Hurt. Embarrassed.
Even though he was the one who asked the question, he didn’t like the answer. He didn’t like it at all.
Patrick shook his head. Leaned over. Elbows on his knees. Facing the floor.
“Fuck you.” he whispered.
He stood and left the office. Went to the bathroom. Slammed the door behind himself.
David let him go. He knew he wasn’t leaving, but just needed to cool down. Needed to think things through before they went further in their discussion. He poured himself another glass of wine. Emptied the bottle. Sat back and sipped on it. Told himself that, ultimately, it was best for them both if he told Patrick he wanted to keep that door open.
If he were being honest with himself in that moment, he’d acknowledge that he had no intention of ever having sex outside of their relationship.
Sure, he’d entertained the thought of them inviting a person into their bed. And, he’d be amenable to the gender of that person always being a man. Of course, given Patrick’s preferences it would need to be.
But given the course of the conversation that night, David realized that there was a lot that he enjoyed that he might never enjoy again. And something in him was pushing back against giving it up.
He heard Patrick reenter the room, though David’s back was to the doorway and he couldn’t see him.
“Sorry. I just needed a minute,” Patrick said.
“It’s fine,” David said. Took another sip of his wine. At that point in their relationship, he was used to Patrick leaving the room to think things through. To calm down, before they could talk further.
“Why did you push me to get in that swing tonight?” Patrick asked, leaning against the door frame in the office entryway.
“Because you were being stubborn,” David said, his own stubbornness showing as he continued to face away from Patrick.
“I was saying no,” Patrick took a few steps into the office. Moving closer to David.
David stood and tilted his head back as he emptied his glass of wine. He swallowed. “You were being silly and childish about the contents of that room.” He set his wineglass by the sink and turned to look at Patrick. He raised his chin slightly. A challenging pose.
“You liked that room,” Patrick said. A bit of accusation in his voice.
“Hell, yeah, I liked that room. And, frankly, the fact that you didn’t find it even a little bit exciting gives me pause,” David challenged.
“What does that mean?” Patrick asked him.
“It means,” David took the steps toward him so that he stood very near him. So near that he had to tilt his head down so he could look at Patrick. “It means that I’ve been sitting here thinking about what I have to give up to be with you. I’m giving up a lot, Patrick. A lot. And I find it curious that you’ve not had to give up anything.”
Patrick looked up at him. His eyes narrowed. “Huh.” He exhaled a little sound of understanding. He nodded.
The room was silent for a moment before Patrick took a step back.
“You know what, David? If you think that the life you had before I entered it was so grand, maybe you need to go back to it. Maybe you shouldn’t be marrying me.”
Patrick turned around and, again, left the office.
David rolled his eyes and sat back down at the table. They were going to be there all night if Patrick continued to go to the….
David heard the sound. The front door opening. The bell. The front door closing.
He immediately moved. Went out of the office and into the store. Jerked open the door and stepped outside all while calling for him, “Patrick! Wait. Patrick! Patrick!”
Patrick had left the Apothecary. Went outside. Was pacing on the sidewalk in front of the store. He looked up at David. “David, I came out here to be alone.”
“Don’t leave,” David stepped onto the sidewalk. “Please.”
“Do you see me leaving? I’m not leaving David,” Patrick bit at him. Then added, “Give me a minute. OK?”
“No. No, no, no.” David walked over to Patrick waving his hands in front of himself. “I’m not going inside while you’re still out here. You’ll take off.”
Patrick’s voice was serious and stern. “David. I’m telling you to leave me alone for a minute.”
“Patrick, I didn’t mean what I said. That all came out wrong. I’m tired and I’m grumpy. And you’re… tired.” David wanted to explain himself. Wanted to help Patrick calm down. Didn’t want him to leave. Certainly, didn’t want to end things.
“David. Damnit! Listen to me.” Patrick threw a hand in the air out of frustration. “I want to be alone for a minute. You know I need to stop and think or I’ll say something that I’ll regret. I need a fucking minute!”
“OK,” David’s voice was soft in response to Patrick’s loud one. He sat on the bench outside of the building. He was worried about how angry Patrick was. “I’ll just sit here quietly, while you….”
Patrick interrupted him, “God, why don’t you ever listen to me? If you don’t go into the fucking store, I’m getting in my car and I’m leaving. I mean it, David.”
“Patrick…” David attempted to reason with him. Calm him.
Patrick turned and moved toward the car. He jerked open the car door.
“OK. OK. OK.” David said loudly. “OK. Fuck! I’m going in.” David opened the door of the store and went back inside. He stood, just on the other side of the door. His hands pressed against the glass. Watching Patrick.
The edge of Patrick’s fist beat on the steering wheel. Once. Twice. Three times.
David saw him. Saw, but didn’t hear, Patrick yell FUCK! GODDAMNIT! FUCK!
Patrick started the car and David began to cry.
He’d done it. He’d finally done it. He’d pissed him off to the point of no return.
David’s mind flashed back to that first time. That time before the store opened when he stood in the doorway and Patrick ran from him. Ran down the street and turned the corner. All while David stood there in the doorway of the soon-to-be Apothecary. The first time Patrick ran away from him.
He remembered it as clear as if it had happened earlier that day.
David turned and went into the office. He couldn’t watch Patrick drive away. Couldn’t watch it. Didn’t want to see him, for the last time, as he drove away forever.
David sat down on the couch. Pulled his feet up under himself. Wrapped his arms around himself. Lowered his head and wept.
How did that happen? He asked himself. What did I do?
Outside in the car, Patrick shut off the engine. He had no intention of leaving. Not yet.
Was he hurt? Yes.
Was he pissed? Hell, yes.
Was he finished? No. Of course not.
As he sat there in the car. Eyes closed. Head leaned back against the headrest. Finally in silence, he realized that they were tired. They were just tired. Realized that when they were tired, they were not the best at navigating difficult situations.
They’d proven that during the late-night argument back in December about whether or not the Christmas romance stories on the Hallmark channel were worthy of the moniker “RomCom.” Patrick had been exhausted and argued about the nonsensical issue with David. He’d upset David so much that David went two days without speaking to him.
He knew better than to argue with David when they were tired.
He needed to go inside. He knew David was upset. Knew David needed to talk.
He locked up his car and went into the store. Locked the door behind himself.
He stood, just inside the office, and saw David. Turtling on the couch.
David had shut off the overhead light. The only light in the space was that given off by the small desk lamp.
“David,” Patrick’s voice was soft.
David had heard him come in, but he didn’t move from where he sat. Afraid he would choose the wrong words. Worse, afraid Patrick would choose the wrong words. David hated when Patrick chose the wrong words.
“David,” Patrick said his name again.
David, refusing to turn to look at him, swiped at his tears. “Yes?”
Patrick took a few more steps into the space. Stood near the end of the couch.
“I don’t like what you said,” Patrick told him.
“I’m sorry.” David said. “I didn’t mean it how it came out.”
Patrick, hands on his hips. Facing the floor. Shook his head, looked at David and said, “I won’t be your consolation prize, David. I can’t be…”
David stood. Moved quickly to him. Reached for him.
Held Patrick’s face in his hands and began to give him kisses.
On his forehead. On his cheek. On his lips. On his temple.
You’re not, Patrick. Kiss.
You’re not. Kiss.
I’m sorry. Kiss.
I didn’t mean it. Kiss.
You’re the best thing that ever happened to me. Kiss.
I’m sorry. Kiss.
Patrick pulled back. His hands gripped David’s forearms and forced David to let go of his face. “David, stop.”
David took a step back. Crossed his arms over his chest. Pressed his lips together. Nodded. Panic rising in his chest.
Patrick spoke calmly. Slowly. Rationally. “I think we’re too tired to keep going. We’re going to not solve this tonight.”
David shook his head. “Agreed.”
“I think… I think we’re fine, David. We just need to work out some of these details before we… before we put too much more time into planning the wedding,” Patrick said. “Really talk things through."
David’s eyes darted around the room as he took in what Patrick was saying. He could barely breathe. His chest ached. He asked, “You mean… you want to… reconsider the engagement?”
Patrick immediately shook his head, “No. Not what I’m saying. I want to marry you.”
David pursed his lips and let out a long, shaky breath. He nodded. “Me, too.”
“But we need to be sure we are both on the same page. Come to some agreement on what those pages even are.” Patrick said.
Rational Patrick.
Reasonable Patrick.
Responsible Patrick.
“Got it.” David nodded. His eyes never leaving Patrick’s.
“We can’t talk through them all in the same conversation. And we certainly can’t do it at two in the morning after a week like we’ve had,” Patrick said.
“Yes,” David continued to nod in agreement. “So… are we going home? Do you want to go home?”
“I do,” Patrick nodded. “But first, I need to ask…”
Patrick lifted himself up on the desk. His feet dangled off the side.
David watched him. Waited.
“I’m worried about you,” Patrick told him. Not wanting to start another argument and figuring this was the best way to get to where he wanted to go.
“Me???” David looked over his shoulder as though someone Patrick was worried about was standing behind him. “Why?”
“Well… tonight? You’ve been different. Kind of… maybe not as… not as patient with me? Or… just… not yourself tonight.” Patrick told him.
“Are you blaming all of tonight on me?” David began to get defensive. “Because you know… you’ve been…”
Patrick knew that was coming. He remained calm. Stayed seated on the desk.
“No. Tonight was on me. I’m sorry for being so stubborn and thick-headed. I am. But, Babe…” Patrick held out his hand to David. Encouraged him to move closer to Patrick.
David took the three steps needed to stand in front of Patrick. Trusting him. Rested his hands on Patrick’s thighs. David loved those thighs. Strong as tree trunks.
“I feel like there’s something else wrong. Something bothering you. Maybe not about what we’ve argued about tonight. But…something.”
David squinted his eyes. Shook his head.
“I got to thinking. When I was out there,” Patrick pointed with his thumb toward the door of the store. “That maybe you’re feeling sad about Alexis leaving.”
David’s eyes were suddenly very interested in the path that his finger was making along the top of Patrick’s left thigh. The index finger of David’s right hand making circles. Stars. Figure eights.
Patrick’s hands settled on David’s shoulders. He massaged him there. “I think… maybe? Maybe you’re going to miss her. And maybe… everything else between us feels a lot bigger because you’re struggling with the idea of her being gone?”
David’s hand moved to Patrick’s chest. His finger making the same shapes there. His eyes focused on Patrick’s chest.
Patrick waited for him. Waited for a response. Waited for eye contact. But knew that he needn’t wait for confirmation. David’s silence told him all he needed to know.
“I’m going to miss her, too,” Patrick told him.
“You don’t even know,” David told him. “She’s going to get in trouble. I’m going to have to bail her out, or… find her… for fuck’s sake.”
“What are you talking about?” Patrick asked. His fingers brushed David’s cheek.
“I don’t know the Galapagos Islands, Patrick. I don’t know how to keep her out of trouble there,” David said.
“Babe. That’s not your job.”
“Patrick…” David’s breath was shaky. “It’s always my job.”
“She’s going with Ted. There’s no one I can imagine better suited to take care of her down there,” Patrick told him. “Ted would move heaven and earth to protect her.”
David leaned against him. Rested his head on Patrick’s shoulder. Closed his eyes. Let Patrick comfort him.
Quietly. So quietly that had the room not been silent. Had he not been pressed against Patrick; Patrick wouldn’t have heard him. David whispered, “She’s always been my responsibility.”
Patrick rubbed circles on his back. He spoke quietly into David’s ear. “She’s not the Alexis she used to be. And Ted’s not…any of those other guys.”
“And, Patrick… I may have to be at the motel more… now that I don’t have her to take shifts with.” David mumbled. “My mom’s going to need…”
“I’ll spend the night there with you when you want me to. Unless you need to be away from me… I can be there,” Patrick assured him.
“You’d do that for me?” David pulled back so he could look into Patrick’s eyes.
“Of course, I would, David,” Patrick kissed him. “Of course, I would.”
David pressed against him. Wrapped his arms around Patrick, his arms under Patrick’s.
They kissed. The kind of kiss that starts as a simple, comforting, sweet kiss. And turns into more. Deeper. More intense. One of Patrick’s hands moving from David’s shoulder to the back of his head. Pulling him in. Owning him.
David pressed against him. Pushed him back on the desk. Patrick’s legs curled up and around David. His feet locking at the ankles behind
They pressed against each other. Rocked against one another as each of their bodies forgave the other for their argument.
For their stress.
For their misunderstanding.
For their stubbornness.
For their exhaustion.
++++++
“We’ve got to make sure she gets home. She’ll party all night if we don’t,” David told him.
Patrick let out a long, loud yawn as he turned the car toward Bob and Gwen’s house.
David rubbed his eyes, “There once was a time in my life I would have been going strong at 3 am. Now all I want is to be in bed.”
Patrick looked at him with weary eyes and reached a hand over to pat his knee. “You’re a good man, David.”
When Patrick put the car in park, he heard David mumble (mostly to himself), “Tell that to her.”
Patrick offered to go in alone to retrieve their sister. David wouldn’t have it. “No, no. I’ll go with you.”
The party was still fairly populated. Some of the older cast and crew members had left, but the core of them were still there. Bob was nowhere in sight, but Gwen was singing karaoke with Derek. Patrick paused and looked at them.
It took him a moment, but once he stopped and listened and figured out what song they were singing... he immediately looked at David, his eyes wide and his lips pressed together.
David shrugged, “What? Shallow is a good song. Why wouldn’t Gwen and Derek sing it?” He pulled his lips into his mouth and suppressed a smile.
Patrick chuckled.
They found her. Sitting on the edge of the hot tub talking with Stevie, Twyla, and Ray – who were all sitting in the water. Stevie was mostly zoned out; had a drink in each hand and her eyes were closed. But Twyla and Ray were listening in rapt attention as Alexis told them of the plans she had to lay on the beach for the next few weeks.
David poked her shoulder with one of his fingers. Told her they wanted to get her home. Let her get a few hours of sleep in. She had a day of travel ahead of her.
“Ohmygod! Patrick! Dance with me!” She stood. Tightened the knot of her sarong and grabbed his hand.
“Alexis, we need to get you home,” Patrick told her.
She stomped her foot and said, “One dance. It’s going to be, like, forever before we see each other again.” She pulled him away from the group so that they stood in the grass.
She stood by him and, realizing how much taller she was than he was, she kicked off her wedges. So that she was shorter. Closer to his height.
“Really?” He asked her. He had to wonder why she did that every time they danced together. It was like she enjoyed it.
She nodded and smiled.
Booped his nose. “Really,” she said.
They danced the last stanza of the song that Gwen and Derek sang. When the song finished, Patrick stopped moving. “OK. Let’s go,” he told her.
Alexis rolled their eyes. “Oh, they’re not done. They’ve been singing all night.”
And as Alexis predicted, they broke into another song. As they began the notes of “A Whole New World,” Patrick chuckled, “They’ve got a wide repertoire.”
They talked the two of them.
Brother and sister.
Patrick telling her how he would miss her. And that… yes, of course… he would take care of David. And that yes, he knew that David could get into a bit of a mood if someone didn’t pull him out of it. And that, certainly, he would help David keep an eye out for their parents. And, yes, he did understand that their mother could sometimes have a moment of insecurity and that she sometimes said things that were not nice while she covered her own worry. And, sure… sure he would email her and give her updates.
Alexis leaned into him after she clarified her needs to him. She rested her cheek against his. Her arms around his shoulders. His hands splayed wide across her back. His thumb rubbing her gently. Soothingly.
He talked quietly to her and tried to reassure her that it was good she was going. That, sure, she was going to get homesick, but that she was going to have a great adventure. And that everyone would be fine… just fine.
He didn’t tell her, but he was sad.
Yes. He knew she was a little flighty.
Yes. He knew she often drove David to the point of frustration.
But he was going to miss her. Going to miss that she wasn’t going to be a part of the planning for the wedding. Going to miss having her pop into the store. Going to miss taking her out with them to the movies, even though it would have meant she and David bickered the entire time.
Patrick had always… always… for as long as he could remember… wanted a little sister. And he felt like he finally had her.
And then… suddenly… he was losing her.
Sure, it was only for six months… but it was an important six months. And, who knew what would happen after those six months?
From across the yard, David watched them. Knew that if he didn’t break it up, they’d dance for as long as Gwen and Derek sang. And, by the sounds of it, Gwen and Derek planned to sing all the romantic duets.
He leaned over and talked with Twyla. Held a hand out to help her from the hot tub.
Then, David moved across the yard.
Tapped his sister’s shoulder.
David told her, “We need to get you home. But, before we go, I would like to dance with my fiancé.”
She bent over to pick up her shoes. Started to walk away and David stopped her.
“Don’t go too far, Twyla may need you for the chorus,” David raised an eyebrow and pointed toward the karaoke machine.
Patrick looked at him. Looked over his shoulder at the karaoke set-up where Gwen and Derek had just finished singing.
“You make a request?” Patrick asked, knowing full well that David wanted a dance before going home to bed.
The strains of the song started and a smile crossed his face as he looked down at Patrick and said those familiar words, in that familiar tone. “Let’s dance.”
He didn’t have to ask twice. Patrick moved to hold him as Twyla’s voice began to sing the words.
And David held him. Held Patrick closely. Listened to him quietly sing the words into his ear as their cheeks pressed together. And he loved that Patrick knew all the words to the Taylor Swift song. Loved that he had no hesitancy in listening to David’s music.
And Patrick spun them as he held him close. Loved that David threw his head back and laughed at one point. Loved that David’s hands rubbed his shoulders. Patted his back. Ran through his hair.
As they danced. As they spun, their sister joined Twyla. Gwen also joined Twyla… when it was time to sing the chorus.
We could leave the Christmas lights up 'til January
And this is our place, we make the rules
And there's a dazzling haze, a mysterious way about you dear
Have I known you 20 seconds or 20 years?
Can I go where you go?
Can we always be this close forever and ever?
And ah, take me out, and take me home
You're my, my, my, my
Lover
We could let our friends crash in the living room
This is our place, we make the call
And I'm highly suspicious that everyone who sees you wants you
I've loved you three summers now, honey, but I want 'em all
Can I go where you go?
Can we always be this close forever and ever?
And ah, take me out, and take me home (forever and ever)
You're my, my, my, my
Lover
Ladies and gentlemen, will you please stand?
With every guitar string scar on my hand
I take this magnetic force of a man to be my lover
My heart's been borrowed and yours has been blue
All's well that ends well to end up with you
Swear to be overdramatic and true to my lover
And you'll save all your dirtiest jokes for me
And at every table, I'll save you a seat, lover
Can I go where you go?
Can we always be this close forever and ever?
And ah, take me out, and take me home (forever and ever)
You're my, my, my, my
Oh, you're my, my, my, my
Darling, you're my, my, my, my
Lover
When the song ended, Patrick turned toward them and yelled, “One more time, Twy! One more time!”
Because David and Patrick always danced more than once to a song that had meaning. And as he sang the song into his fiancé’s ear, he thought about the words. And needed to sing them one more time before their night came to an end.
And the song started over. And this time, Patrick stepped back a half step. Held out his hand. One hand on David’s waist. One hand holding David’s hand. A proper dance. Preparing for the wedding dance.
Patrick was rewarded with that smile. You know the one. The one where David’s lips tied together in a perfect little bow and pulled off to the left. The one that told him that David was pleased. Happy. Content.
This time, the two of them played. Bantered.
When he sang, “Can I go where you go?”
David said back, “You fucking better.”
When he sang, “Can we always be this close.”
David nodded and said, “We fucking better.”
At one point, Patrick stood back. Held David’s hand. He turned to the group who cheered and clapped when he sang loudly.
Ladies and gentlemen, will you please stand?
With every guitar string scar on my hand
I take this magnetic force of a man to be my lover
When he sang the words “my lover” he raised his hands in the air. Sang the words loudly.
Turned back to David who surprised Patrick by singing, maybe not quite as loud, but loud enough… as he clutched his fists to his chest… and then held his hand out to Patrick.
My heart's been borrowed and yours has been blue
All's well that ends well to end up with you
Then it was David who held both of his hands in the air and he twirled in front of Patrick as he sang….
Swear to be overdramatic and true to my lover
The others, who had all stopped to watch them, clapped and cheered loudly. Patrick threw his head back and laughed as he watched his fiancé sing and dance. With humor and with love. And with abandon.
Patrick pulled him near and kissed him. Kissed him as though they were alone, even though they were not.
They would be fine, the two of them. Of course, they would be.
Certainly, there were details to work out.
There were decisions to be made.
There were arguments to be had.
In fact, the coming months would test them. No, they wouldn’t have troubles as they had experienced in the start of their relationship. No hurdles as they had the previous months.
But there would be things that arose that caused them both to pause and think things through before they took their next steps.
But in the end, the two loved one another more than either of them thought possible.
And they were going to be married. And they were going to start their new life together.
And it was going to be wonderful.
Can I go where you go?
Can we always be this close forever and ever?
And ah, take me out, and take me home (forever and ever)
You're my, my, my, my
Oh, you're my, my, my, my
Darling, you're my, my, my, my
Lover
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End Chapter 1
LOL Part 5 (Season 6)
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Music and Photos of Inspiration:
A little over three years ago, I saw this fantastic creation by a YouTube user named “bahiyyih rose” and I fell in love with it. I’m a big fan of the different videos created by members of our fandom dating back to the beginning. When this one was first posted, I was enamored. Not only with the exceptional edit, but also with the song – which I’d never heard before. (Don’t hate me for not knowing Taylor’s music). Anyway, I held on to it, knowing that I would use it if I ever wrote season 6. So I am using it to kick us off.
Also, I want to share this photo of Paul Mescal on GQ (two years ago) that was an inspiration for the back of the house scenes with Patrick resting on the floor in the dressing room. I used it as inspiration when I was writing Season 5, and that same pose carries over to this chapter. Thought I’d share that photo of inspiration here.
