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I. Jay
“When I asked you if you wanted to get dinner with me tonight and you said you had a prior engagement, I did not take that to mean that you were planning on getting fucking engaged to Kim Sunoo,” Sunghoon says in one breath.
Jay stares up at him from where he’s bent down on one knee. Sunoo is seated in the booth, hands still frozen over his mouth in mid-gasp. Sunghoon can’t bring himself to look at him.
“Well hello to you too,” Jay replies. “If you go away and come back in thirty minutes, I might let you have a bite of our dessert.”
“You didn’t even get him a ring,” Sunghoon says numbly, zeroing in on the empty hands. “Fucking unbelievable.”
“Um,” Sunoo speaks up for the first time. “What are you doing here?”
Sunghoon’s eyes snap towards him. Sunoo’s face is slightly flushed— in embarrassment, in joy, in anger— who can say? “This is a public restaurant. I’m here to eat dinner.”
The boy’s eyebrows shoot up. “Alone?”
Okay, ouch. “Not everyone has a significant other to dine with,” he snaps. “I’d say that neither of you do either, but clearly there are things that have been kept from me.”
Someone clears their throat from behind him. He spins around to find a concerned waitress, eyeing the whole scene with trepidation.
“Can I help you, sir?” she asks hesitantly. “Would you like to be seated?”
Sunghoon doesn’t like making a spectacle of himself. In fact, he very often wishes he could just melt into the ground, or turn invisible at will. But he’s been provoked, and if there’s even just a single thing that he and Sunoo have ever had in common, it’s that all humility goes out the window when they’re feeling the much stronger emotion: pettiness.
“Sorry, I was just talking to my friend,” he says apologetically.
“The friend is done talking to you,” Jay shoots back. “Now let me propose to the love of my life in peace.”
Sunghoon takes a moment to suck in a deep breath. “SINCE FUCKING WHEN—”
***
And that is how Sunghoon gets banned from that particular establishment.
***
Some days later, Sunghoon is awkwardly hovering in the doorway to a room that isn’t his, hands clutching the lunchbox to his chest. The heat from the thermos bleeds through, burning into his skin.
“Hi,” he manages weakly.
“Surely this is breaking and entering,” Sunoo says, staring. He certainly looks worse for wear; his complexion is dull, his nose rubbed red and raw, and there’s a pile of cough drops on the nightstand along with an alarming number of discarded wrappers.
Sunghoon clears his throat. “Not if I know your passcode.”
“And how do you know my passcode?”
“I looked over your shoulder one time,” he admits.
Sunoo wrinkles his nose— which stimulates a sneeze— then goes back to glaring at him in disdain. “That’s creepy.”
His shoulders fall. “Yeah.”
“I haven’t seen you since…”
“Since I got kicked out of my favorite steakhouse?” Sunghoon says with a pained grin. “I’m still coming to terms with it myself.”
Sunoo’s gaze falls upon the package clutched in his arms. He eyes it like it might be a concealed explosive. “What’s that?”
“Um.” Sunghoon looks down, as if confused by it himself. “I just brought you some soup. For your cold.”
Sunoo blinks rapidly. The look on his face switches from distrustful to baffled in a split second. “How did you know I was sick?”
“You were sniffling a couple of days ago at the restaurant, and you haven’t been active in the group chat, so I figured…” Sunghoon trails off, not knowing how to explain himself beyond that. He’s hardly able to explain it to himself.
“I was?” Sunoo frowns. “How do you even notice these things?”
He shifts uncomfortably. “Jay did.” The lie falls from his mouth in a fit of panic, and then it’s too late to take it back. “He told me to go see you instead, since he has class today.” In truth, he doesn’t have the slightest clue what Jay’s schedule is, but Sunoo seems to accept his excuse.
“That’s sweet of him,” he murmurs to himself. “Sorry for the trouble. You didn’t have to come.”
Sunghoon shrugs, stepping forward to place the food on the table beside his bed. “We live in the same building. It’s not a big deal.” It wouldn’t be a big deal for a friend. For whatever Sunoo is to him, on the other hand…
Sunoo makes a humming noise. “You don’t have to stay, you know. Jay will be done around five.” So he is in class. His guess had been somewhat accurate after all.
“What, is my face not good enough for you?” Sunghoon jokes, trying not to sound too strained.
“Not really,” Sunoo replies, pulling a face. “Why do you look like you have something to say? You look constipated.” He stops, allowing a pause for Sunghoon’s habitual ‘fuck you’ in return, but it doesn’t come.
Ever since that evening, there’s been a heavy weight on Sunghoon’s shoulders that he can’t quite place. He’s beyond confused, sure. A little betrayed. But none of that explains how the memory of Jay knelt in front of that booth aches like a pressed bruise.
He doesn’t know why it isn’t Jay here right now instead of him, and he doesn’t know why the knowledge that Sunoo probably wishes it was stings so much.
“Are you in love with him?” Sunghoon says defeatedly. The boy looks taken aback, and he hadn’t meant to ask but the question had slipped out anyway, and now Sunoo is taking a moment too long to think about it.
“No,” he finally answers. “Not really.”
“Not really?” Sunghoon doesn’t know what answer he’d been hoping for, but it’s certainly not the one he’d expected. “What’s that supposed to mean?” he says, aghast.
“I’m not, okay?” Sunoo definitely looks annoyed now. “Why is it such a big deal to you?”
“Because you can’t just marry someone you’re not in love with,” he cries out. Technically speaking, it’s not exactly true, but call him a romantic or whatever. Sunoo narrows his eyes.
“We’re not getting married.”
“You’re not?” Sunghoon blinks. “You said no?”
“No.”
“No?” he repeats, confused. “So you said yes.”
“Of course I said yes,” Sunoo shrugs. “It wasn’t meant to last.”
And now Sunghoon is even more confused, because that doesn’t sound like something Sunoo would ever say, which can only mean—
“Did he break it off already?” he exclaims with dawning horror. “Did he hurt you? Did he break your heart?”
“If I say that he did,” Sunoo drawls sardonically, “would you beat his ass in the name of my honor?”
“I would beat his ass in the name of nothing at all,” Sunghoon admits in earnest.
He can’t imagine why Jay would possibly let Sunoo go. Though he also never imagined they’d get together in the first place, much less so in secret. Something akin to anger creeps across his skin, and he has half a mind to storm Jay’s place and—
And tell him what? Tell him he’s a fool for not seeing the value in Sunoo? For toying with his feelings? For being an incomprehensible asshole?
There are plenty of other people who would have the right to say all of those things, but it would be entirely out of place for Sunghoon. It’s never been his place to speak on Sunoo’s behalf, especially not in a situation like this.
They’ve always kept a carefully predetermined distance; friends, but not quite friends, rivals, but not quite enemies. This is territory Sunghoon isn’t meant to encroach upon.
Sunoo sees his face and snorts. “Yeah, that’s what I thought,” he mutters. “Just leave it, Sunghoon. If you start worrying about my feelings out of the blue, I’ll start to think something is seriously wrong with you.”
Sunghoon frowns. Something about that doesn’t sit right with him. “Wait. Why?”
Sunoo looks at him in amusement. What he says next is spoken so casually, so lightheartedly, that the resulting stab of pain in his chest takes Sunghoon by surprise.
“Because when have you ever cared about me?”
Not quite friends. Not quite enemies.
One sentence, and Sunghoon is starting to realize that they’ve never figured out what they are to each other at all.
II. Jungwon
When have you ever cared about me?
“He was kidding,” Sunghoon murmurs, staring up at his ceiling. He keeps running through Sunoo’s words in his head, trying to make sense of them. “He was joking, right?”
He hears Heeseung sigh. “What makes you say that?”
“Because of course I—” Of course I care for him, he almost says. But it would feel odd to say out loud. Mainly because he never has said it out loud before.
“Sunoo knows that you guys are friends,” Heeseung says in what he supposes is meant to be an assuring tone. “There’s nothing wrong with healthy banter. Of course, you guys are all banter and not much else, but…”
Sunghoon rolls his lower lip between his teeth. “Does he think that I hate him?”
“No,” Heeseung answers genuinely. “But I’m sure there are other things he thinks about what you do or don’t feel.”
“I don’t hate him,” Sunghoon says decisively. But the words feel like empty air in his mouth. Like they’re no longer solid, no longer enough. He doesn’t hate Sunoo, he never has. Okay— but what then?
“Everyone knows that, Hoon. I’m the last person you need to convince.”
“What is Jay’s problem, anyway?” he groans. “Who just— who just gets down on one knee out of the blue, after years of friendship? Who does that?”
Heeseung hums. “Someone who’s spontaneous by nature, I guess.”
Sunghoon has tried to wrack his brain for the signs, and he supposes there have been plenty in hindsight. Jay constantly doting on Sunoo— but he does that with Jungwon too. But then there’s also the increased amount of time they’ve been spending together lately, the soft smiles.
“Have you stopped to wonder why you’re so riled up about this?” Heeseung asks carefully, interrupting his thoughts.
Sunghoon does have an inkling, but he’s not about to sit here and psychoanalyze himself, nor will he let Heeseung do it.
“How can I not be?” he argues. “I mean, did you ever expect Sunoo and Jay to get engaged and then break it off within the span of a week? Did you ever expect them to be a thing at all?”
Heeseung shrugs. “I can see anyone being able to love Sunoo, honestly. He’s not a hard person to fall for.”
Sunghoon turns to glare at him. “You’re biased.”
Heeseung stares back at him evenly and says, “So are you.”
***
They’re having their weekly movie night over at Jay’s apartment, waiting for their take-out to arrive, when Jungwon suddenly speaks up.
“I have an announcement to make.” He gets to his feet, while everyone turns to stare at him curiously.
“Are you dropping out of college?” Ni-ki pipes up, sounding oddly gleeful. Jungwon shoots him a withering look.
“Nobody is dropping out. Also it’s not exactly an announcement. Just something I need to say to someone.” He makes his way over to Sunoo’s chair, then abruptly drops down to his knees— or more specifically, one knee.
Sunghoon freezes, déjà vu washing over him. Sunoo stares down at the boy, looking just as incredulous as Sunghoon feels.
“What are you doing?” he exclaims as Jungwon pulls something out of his pocket. It’s a small velvet box, and Sunghoon has a guess as to what it could be— and he hopes to god that he’s wrong. This is a practical joke. It has to be.
“Remember when we were younger, and we said that if we were both still single at thirty, we’d get married?” Jungwon says, fluttering his lashes.
“Jungwon, we’re nineteen.”
“My point still stands.”
“Your point being?” Sunoo asks patiently, his expression unchanging.
“Marry me.”
The room goes so silent, you could hear someone choke on their water— which Sunghoon does. Violently. Glancing around, he can see everyone’s faces looking slightly contorted, like they’re trying to rein something in. He’s sure they’re all equally as flabbergasted as he feels.
“Okay.”
Sunghoon’s eyes bulge. Jungwon’s face lights up, and the box is flipped open to reveal exactly what he had feared— a ring. Now he’s starting to curse himself for judging Jay’s lack of preparation, because even that was still better than seeing the sparkling silver band that’s suddenly making things feel all too real.
Jake clears his throat, his voice strained. “Does anyone have an objection to this union?”
Sunghoon stands up without thinking. Then sits back down. But it’s too late. The scratch of his chair against the floorboards has reached everyone’s ears, and all six pairs of eyes are on him. They look at him, waiting in expectation.
“You’re too young to get married,” he says weakly.
“Aren’t you too young to be an old grouch and stand in the way of true love?” Jungwon shoots back.
“He was engaged to someone else, like, a week ago,” Sunghoon deadpans.
“The decision was mutual and I support the happy couple,” Jay speaks up, grinning like a maniac from ear to ear. It’s unnerving.
Meanwhile, Sunoo is looking at Sunghoon like… Well, Sunghoon can’t really decipher what Sunoo is looking at him like. He doesn’t look annoyed, thought he doesn’t look amused, either.
The most telling thing of all is that he hasn’t laughed off Jungwon’s proposal, that he’s simply said “okay” without a moment’s hesitation.
The message is clear: Sunghoon’s interference is not needed, nor is it wanted. He presses his mouth into a grim line of resignation, slumping back in his chair.
“Well, if I have everyone’s grudging blessing…” Jungwon slides the ring over Sunoo’s fourth finger, and with that, Sunghoon feels like he’s effectively spiraled into insanity.
***
For the next few weeks, he has to endure their excessively cloying honeymoon phase. Not that they hadn’t been affectionate before— but now their hands are interlocked more often than not, their constant whispering in each other’s ears grating on Sunghoon’s nerves.
And if Jay catches him glaring once or twice and raises an eyebrow, he can say that he simply bears a grudge against those who shamelessly indulge in PDA. That’s all.
But if he’s being honest with himself, he has no reason to be feeling as agitated as he is. Sunoo and Jungwon fit perfectly together, and in fact, most people who don’t know them well enough automatically assume they’re already an item.
And maybe he’s going crazy, but everyone else seems utterly unruffled. As if proposals within their friend group are a perfectly normal, bi-weekly occurrence. Well, if everyone is going to spontaneously start falling in love with Sunoo, then Sunghoon is determined to be the only one to keep his sanity intact.
***
This time, the break up comes just as swiftly, if not more surprisingly than the last. One day they’re walking around, matching rings glinting tauntingly from their fingers; the next, they’re back to being soulmates without labels, sharing unconditional love but of the platonic variety.
“Are you fucking serious right now?” Sunghoon asks point blank after they’ve announced the update. “What was the point of all this? Again?”
Jungwon just shrugs, looking entirely unbothered. “Sometimes you just have to take chances to find out what is or isn’t meant to be. Right, Jay?”
“So true,” the boy nods back solemnly.
Sunghoon’s eyes land on Sunoo, seeking out some semblance of logic here. “What about you?”
“What about me?”
“What do you feel?”
And Sunoo, as infuriating as ever, simply stares back at him with glittering eyes. “Wouldn’t you like to know.”
III. Jake
“That,” Sunghoon declares, “is a yogurt cup.”
“Shhh,” Jungwon hisses. “Don’t interrupt.”
“I’ve given this a lot of thought…”
“Have you?”
“Sunghoon, shut the fuck up.”
“…And I think that I could be the one to make you happy.”
“Doubtful,” Sunghoon can’t help but mutter.
“Is there a problem?” Jake asks innocently, head swiveling around to look at him. He’s still kneeling, still posing for this ridiculous farce.
“Yeah,” Sunghoon says flatly. “The problem is that this is the third proposal Sunoo has gotten this month, and you’re a straight man.”
Jake’s face is impassive, though something twitches beneath the surface. “Not for him.”
He feels his cheeks flush with heat. “You’ve got to be kidding.”
“I hate to say this,” Sunoo interrupts apologetically. “But Sunghoon does have a point.”
Jake turns back to him with comically wide, mournful eyes. “If you change your mind,” he whispers, “you know where to find me.”
Sunghoon surveys the theatrics with a mounting sense of desolation. He’s tried coming up with explanations for these mockeries of proposals— maybe something has gotten into the city’s water supply, something that’s causing cognitive dissonance in only his closest of friends.
Or maybe Sunoo has made a deal with the devil, traded his soul in exchange for the unconditional romantic affection of everyone around him. But that doesn’t check out either, because that would mean that Sunghoon—
Anyway.
IV. Ni-ki
Valentine’s day. Fucking Valentine’s day. Of course, the holiday itself is meaningless. Sunghoon sees absolutely zero appeal to it considering how he’s been single since birth and how the mere sight of candy hearts now makes him sick after he’d spent that one rotten February eating little else.
Sunghoon doesn’t care who is going to be whose Valentine, he doesn’t care that Jungwon and Jay have been making eyes at each other from across the table, he doesn’t care that Sunoo has been completely and totally silent while the rest of them jokingly discuss their imaginary candlelit dinner plans.
“What about you, Sunoo?” Jake probes, pushing his steak around his plate as his mouth twitches. “Anyone special?” Sunghoon holds his breath; Sunoo draws his in.
“Yeah.”
There’s a clatter as Sunghoon’s knife slips to the floor. He winces, muttering “sorry, sorry, sorry” as he ducks under the table to collect his silverware. In the seat across from his, he’s faced with the sight of Sunoo’s anxiously bouncing leg.
“So? Are you booked and busy then?”
Sunghoon surfaces just in time to see Sunoo shake his head slowly. “No. To be honest, I don’t know if the person I like will ever look at me like that.”
Sunghoon goes still. Sunoo likes someone?
Jungwon’s lips turn down at the corners. “Well, you just have to find someone who will.”
“Like who?” Sunoo asks glumly.
“Let me.”
Everyone turns to stare. “Huh?”
Ni-ki has eyes only for Sunoo, his face set in determination. “Let me look at you in that way. Let me make you happy.”
Sunghoon stiffens. He makes eye contact with Heeseung, who shakes his head ever so slightly. There’s a multitude of things that could mean, so Sunghoon lets impulse guide him instead of subtle little hints. He shoots up, grabs Ni-ki by the wrist, and drags him outside.
He ignores the boy’s indignant protests, closing the door behind them and whirling on him. “Ok, I can give the others the benefit of the doubt, but this is not good.”
Ni-ki stares at him, mouth hanging open. “What do you mean? Why?”
“Because you’re actually crushing on him.”
The boy starts spluttering. “Am not!”
Sunghoon grits his teeth, fending off an impending headache. “Yes, you are, and it’s the worst kept secret in the group, so don’t even try with me.”
“Well you must have been distracted lately, because I’ve been over him for a while,” he sniffs.
“Oh yeah? Explain to me why you just propositioned him then?’
Ni-ki averts his eyes. “I can’t tell you that,” he mutters stubbornly.
“Go back inside,” Sunghoon says with a sigh. He doesn’t have the energy to deal with this anymore. It’s none of my business, he tells himself. None of my business.
The boy frowns. “What about you?”
“I’m just gonna walk around for a bit. Clear my head.”
Ni-ki hesitates. “Alright,” he says. “Good luck.” The door clicks shut behind him, and Sunghoon immediately slumps against it.
He likes the idea of true love, he really does. But that’s what it’s always been to him— an idea. A pretty little notion, one that rarely manifests itself in reality as perfectly as one likes to picture. This slightly cynical point of view had been proven to him time and time again growing up, and he doesn’t like going out of his way to refute something he’s spent so many years believing.
So when the closest real thing to love at first sight had smacked him at full force, he opted to ignore it. To shove it into a box and kick it away, albeit a little roughly. From the very first time he’d seen Kim Sunoo, that is what he’s done.
He’s not a jealous person— at least, he hadn’t thought he was. But watching friend after friend chase after Sunoo, seeing them look at him the way that deep down, Sunghoon knows the boy deserves to be looked at… it makes him wonder.
He wonders if he closed himself off too quickly. Whether that box has been opened again without him realizing, if maybe it’s been open all along. Most of all, he wonders if it even fucking matters anymore— because it really doesn’t, unless Sunoo would ever be willing to look at him back.
V. Heeseung
“You’ve caught me at a not great time,” Heeseung says apologetically as he answers the door. “I was just on my way over to Sunoo’s.”
Sunghoon freezes. Foreboding sends his heart racing anxiously. “No way. Absolutely not.”
“Pardon?”
“I’ve kept my peace for too long,” Sunghoon seethes. “But now it’s gone too far.”
“You haven’t kept your peace at all,” Heeseung points out pragmatically.
With distaste, Sunghoon observes how the boy has pulled himself out of his daily hoodie and pulled on a nice looking sweater that he’s never seen before. Clearly, an effort has been made here. But it can’t be towards the same goal everyone else has had— there’s just no way.
“The others, I can make sense of,” he raves. “But you’ve been my confidante. And I know for a fact that you would never. Unless you’re on drugs.” Sunghoon pauses. “…Are you on drugs?”
“I’m clean,” the boy deadpans, looking unimpressed by his skills of deduction.
“So then I rest my case.”
Heeseung arches an eyebrow. “What exactly makes you think I wouldn’t propose to Sunoo?” The question is so ridiculous it shouldn’t be dignified with a response; but then again, stupider things have been afoot lately.
Sunghoon’s mouth falls open. “Who the fuck proposes to their ex?”
“Not ex,” Heeseung corrects, rolling his eyes. “An almost-something that was mutually ended as soon as I helped him realize he was just using me to get over someone else.”
“Don’t argue semantics with me,” Sunghoon scowls. “You get my point, which is that I know you’re bullshitting.”
Heeseung purses his lips, looking half amused, half annoyed. “I think it’s about time I come clean for all of us, if you haven’t caught on already. None of us actually had the intention of wooing Sunoo.”
Sunghoon can hardly muster up an ounce of shock. “Well that’s a fucking relief,” he says flatly. “Everyone was failing so hard that it’d be pathetic if they were actually trying.”
Heeseung shrugs. “I thought Jake’s was pretty cute.”
“Jake proposed with Yoplait.”
The boy shrugs again. “Yeah.”
Another question occurs to him. He frowns. “But if this was all a dumb prank, why did you go along with it?”
Heeseung looks taken aback, like the answer is painfully obvious. “I thought it was pretty funny. Plus, I wanted the same thing everyone else did. For you to finally quit being a dickhead.”
Sunghoon inhales sharply. “Does Sunoo know?”
“He’s pretty sharp,” Heeseung says. “I think he figured we were all fucking around after proposal number two. But if you’re asking whether he knows it was to get you to pull your head out of your ass? Who knows.”
“But… Jungwon with the rings…”
“Friendship rings.”
“Ni-ki—”
“He went ahead and did that on his own,” Heeseung cuts in hastily, holding up his hands to indicate lack of responsibility.
“Fine,” Sunghoon huffs, gathering momentum. “But the very first time, when I walked in on Sunoo and Jay in that restaurant when they didn’t even know I was gonna be there. How do you explain that?”
“I suspect it had something to do with the complimentary dessert for birthdays, anniversaries, and engagements,” Heeseung states plainly.
“Oh.”
“That was what started it all,” he says with a laugh at his expense. “Jay noticed your reaction and a lightbulb went off in his head.”
“Stupid fucking lightbulb,” Sunghoon mutters. “Of course he would set up a masterplan to get me to fall for someone who will never like me back. Fucking diabolical.”
Heeseung does a double take, a tiny crease appearing between his brows. “There are so many things wrong with what you just said that I’m beginning to think you’re just hopeless.”
“What did I say?” he asks in dismay.
“First of all,” Heeseung scoffs, “you already liked him. Are you seriously going to keep trying to deny that?”
“Repressed feelings don’t count,” Sunghoon argues.
“Second of all,” he continues, ignoring him, “not everything is about you. Jay wasn’t setting you up.”
“It literally is about me,” Sunghoon says exasperatedly. “What else could he have been trying to do then?”
Heeseung lets out a heavy sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I think you should talk to Sunoo. It’s not my place to tell you this.”
“I know you have your whole “aloof and mysterious” thing going on, and usually it works, but now it’s just frustrating,” Sunghoon accuses.
“It’s not really a mystery if it’s already been solved for you,” Heeseung snorts. “Just fucking talk to him, Hoon. Please.”
And maybe it’s the impatient urgency in his friend’s eyes, or maybe it’s just what Sunghoon has been wanting to do all along— but he does. He thinks of Sunoo, and he goes to him.
Finale.
“This isn’t a great time,” Sunoo says after inviting him in, echoing Heeseung from earlier.
Sunghoon shifts from foot to foot, trying not to pay attention to the clothes laid out on the bed. “Yeah, so I’ve heard.”
“I’m getting dinner with Heeseung in like half an hour, so.” Sunoo raises an eyebrow expectantly.
“No.” Sunghoon takes a deep breath. “You’re not.”
He blinks. “Excuse me?”
“He cancelled.”
“And he sent you to tell me?”
“Pretty insistently, in fact,” Sunghoon says, feeling hoarse. “He wouldn’t hear otherwise. So.” He pauses. They stand across from each other, marinating in the silence for a bit before he decides to cut right to the chase. “The proposals aren’t real.”
“No,” Sunoo says quietly. “They’re not.” He doesn’t look surprised at Sunghoon’s confrontation, just resigned.
“Heeseung told me all of it, how it was Jay’s idea. How everyone was in on it except for me. He said it wasn’t the point to play with my feelings, but to be honest, I can’t see it any other way.”
The boy eyes him warily. “Is there a question in there somewhere?”
“Yeah.” Sunghoon swallows painfully. “Why?”
Sunoo’s eyes roll up to the ceiling, like he can’t bear to look at him when he answers. “He was trying to get you to like me back,” he mumbles, almost too soft to hear.
If the floor gave way beneath his feet right that second, Sunghoon would not have felt more thrown off. “What,” he says.
“You’ve never liked me. I mean, we’re friends, but we don’t like each other. It’s silly, but everyone’s always known that, right? But I fucked up,” Sunoo says with a derisive laugh. “I couldn’t not like you. It started with small, microscopic things— a second when you smiled at me and meant it, or a time when you were the only one listening in a room full of people talking over each other— but once it started, I couldn’t stop not not liking you.”
Sunghoon stares, hardly daring to breathe. “Sunoo.”
“So here we are,” Sunoo concludes with a sharp grin. “Four and a half proposals under my belt— not bad for someone stuck in an unrequited love.”
“What’s the half?” he asks dazedly.
Sunoo scoffs. “Heeseung cancelling on me at the last minute after apparently being accosted by you.”
“Oh.” It takes a moment for him to fully process everything that’s just been said. When he does, he immediately backtracks. “Not unrequited,” he says hastily. “What’s the opposite of unrequited? Requited? Very, very requited.”
Sunoo looks at him like he’s just grown another head. Which, fair. “What the hell are you on about now?”
“That I’m good at being friends with people,” Sunghoon blurts. “I’m good at being friends with people but I’m horrible at liking them, and hating someone is so much easier than those other feelings, and it’s even easier to make a habit of it.”
Sunoo smiles weakly; or at least, he tries to. “That would explain a lot.”
“My parents had me when they were young, too young,” he continues feverishly. He doesn’t know why he’s telling Sunoo all this, why he’s divulging all this useless, personal information, but he can’t stop himself now. “They got married, and they grew to hate each other. Relationships are hard, and I always thought it was just better to push them away than to end up miserable.”
Sunoo’s expression is unreadable. “Is that why you were so against all of them proposing to me?”
“First and foremost, I love those idiots, but they don’t deserve you,” Sunghoon says bluntly. “And I didn’t want you to blindly accept some flashy display and end up getting hurt.”
“Who does deserve me then?” he snorts. “And for the record, I would never actually have gone through with anything if I thought they weren’t just fucking around. No need to worry.”
“I wasn’t just worried,” Sunghoon whispers. “To be honest, I’m not giving them enough credit. They’re all amazing— and maybe in another life any one of them could make you happy. But every time I saw another person get down on one knee... I realized that in this life I’m stupidly in love with you, and I couldn’t help but wonder if I could ever deserve to be the one.”
Rant finished. All the cards have been placed on the table. The pandora’s box has been opened, and Sunghoon waits in anticipation for whatever horror or heaven is about to leak out.
“Have I ever given you a genuine compliment?” Sunoo asks, tilting his head to the side.
“I think so,” he answers, feeling weak in the knees. “You’re good with those.”
“Well here’s something I’ve never told you before.” Sunoo lets out a shaky breath. “I think you deserve the world, Sunghoon.”
For the first time, he lets hope fill his lungs like sweet, fresh air. “Was Heeseung serious? Were you serious? Do you really like me?” He feels his heart trembling, sweat beading at his palms.
“Don’t let it get to your head,” Sunoo scowls, cheeks and nose and ears bright pink. “You’re still insufferable.”
“So are you,” Sunghoon laughs breathlessly, voice cracking, and kisses him on the mouth.
True love’s first kiss. That sappy, stupid line from every fairytale everyone has ever grown up with, the perpetuation of this big firework moment that will sweep you away, overwhelm you, consume you, burn you to ashes. Sunghoon has always feared it more than he’s craved it. Now that he’s finally mustered up the courage to kiss Sunoo, he braces himself.
And it’s sweet. That’s all.
When they pull apart, Sunghoon doesn’t know what to say. Thankfully, Sunoo speaks first.
“You didn’t get me a ring, did you?” he teases breathlessly, his eyes shining.
Sunghoon rolls his eyes. “I’m not proposing to you, brat.”
“Good. Because I would’ve said no.”
His mouth falls open. “So you said yes to all the others, but you draw the line at me?”
“Yup,” Sunoo says without hesitation. “Because none of that was real. This is.” He suddenly looks shy, peering up at Sunghoon from beneath his lashes. Uncertainty creeps into his voice. “Isn’t it?”
Reservations aside, Sunghoon has always been a bit of a romantic— but he’s never once considered himself excessive. Which is why he can’t help but cringe at himself as he looks down into the boy’s eyes, unable to suppress the thought that flashes through his mind:
I’m going to marry you one day.
“Yeah,” he says hoarsely. “It’s real.”