Work Text:
Eddie had known even when he agreed to play that it was a bad idea. If he hadn’t already had more alcohol than usual, he was sure he would never have agreed to it. But when Hen suggested it around a giggle, and Buck exclaimed excitedly and ran to grab a bottle of hard liquor, Eddie found himself swept up in the moment. Sinking into his seat, he let Buck fill his glass and settled in for a game of Never Have I Ever.
For twenty minutes, the game was fine. Nobody proposed anything too embarrassing or dull, and Eddie was enjoying himself, somewhat to his surprise.
And then Hen broke the spell.
With her glass perched against her bottom lip, she grinningly mumbled, “Never have I ever slept with a man.”
Eddie wanted to lie. He wanted to keep his secrets to himself. Every impulse in his body was to sit perfectly still, like ice, like stone, and not give away the truth. But the alcohol suffusing his blood had other ideas, and with the spirit of the game filling his tipsy mind, Eddie raised his glass before his brain could tell him not to, and took a slug.
For a moment, one splendid, shining moment, he thought no one had noticed. Hen and Chimney were watching Buck, wearing matching incredulous and startled expressions.
“You didn’t drink!” Hen cried.
“No…” Buck said slowly, and something in his voice caught Eddie’s attention. Slowly, he swivelled his gaze and discovered Buck staring, astonished, at him. “But Eddie did.”
“What?” Hen said, snapping her eyes around.
Beside him on the couch, Chimney shifted his body and turned towards Eddie, a delighted and interested grin on his face. “ Really ?”
Wicking his tongue across his bourbon-stained lips, Eddie put his glass down and sank his treacherous fingers into the armrest.
“Didn’t expect that,” Hen said, watching him curiously. “And to be honest, I didn’t expect Buck not to drink. But at least I got a point either way.”
“Sooo,” Chimney said, leaning a little nearer. “Tell us about it.”
“Uh,” Eddie coughed. “No.”
“Why not?” Buck asked, and Eddie swallowed hard before glancing over at him. His expression was complicated, a little distant, very fascinated. Emotions played through his eyes, made them gleam. Eddie looked away again and Buck continued, “It’s just us. We’re like family. You can tell us.”
“I could ,” Eddie agreed. “But that doesn’t mean I’m going to.”
“C’mon,” Chimney cajoled. “We’ll keep it secret.”
“You can’t keep anything secret,” Eddie returned. Running his tongue across his teeth, he quickly flipped his options up—he could say nothing and expect his favourite people ever to keep niggling him for details, or he could tell them just enough to satisfy their curiosity and hope they’d respect his privacy. “Alright. What d’you wanna know?”
“When was it?”
“Who was it?”
“How many men?”
Swallowing a groan, Eddie licked his lips and rolled his eyes towards the ceiling. “It was when I was a teenager. His name was Deon. He’s the only one.”
The room rattled with the strength of the responding silence. Eddie didn’t dare look at any of them. He could feel the tickle of their gazes on him, the weight of Buck’s. He wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to meet Buck’s eyes again.
And then Hen’s voice, a little hesitant, a little confused, asked, “So … in your whole life, you’ve had sex with a man … just once?”
Puffing his cheeks, Eddie blew out an uncomfortable exhale. “One guy, not once .”
Another silence fell between them, and then suddenly Buck’s voice, fragile as it breached the distance, murmured, “What was he like?”
Despite himself, Eddie’s eyes dropped to Buck. Their gazes caught and held, and Eddie’s heart skipped a beat as he stared into Buck’s earnest blue eyes. Words skittered across his lips before he was able to stop them. “He was beautiful.”
Buck blinked slowly. “That’s great,” he said, but he wasn’t properly smiling and Eddie couldn’t read his tone.
“Mm,” Eddie hummed, risking a glance at the others. “So, are we done prying into my past now?”
“For now,” Hen said. She swivelled in her chair and peered blearily at Buck. “How is it possible that you’ve never had sex with a man?”
Still watching Eddie when he replied, Buck shrugged and said, “The right opportunity just never came along.”
“Is that frustrating?” Chimney asked, his head tipping to one side. “It sounds frustrating.”
Jerking his shoulders again, Buck pressed his lips together and didn’t reply.
“Okay, we’re making them uncomfortable,” Hen said, beaming as she sank back in her chair and reached for her glass. “Next question. Whose’s it?”
<* - *>
More drunk than he was used to, but still sober enough—he hoped—to make good decisions, Eddie helped Hen and Chimney into a shared Uber, then shivered his way out of the cool night air and returned inside.
Buck was there, idly cleaning up as Eddie pushed the door shut and snicked the lock into place. Both of them were a little staggery, but Eddie fell in to help clear away the glasses and bottles littered around his lounge room.
“Weird night,” Buck muttered after a moment.
“Yeah,” Eddie replied after a few beats of silence. “A little.”
There was another pause as Eddie took a few bottles from Buck’s hands, and they stared at each other before he turned away and carried them into the kitchen. Trailing behind him, Buck murmured, “Hey, uh. Did it make you uncomfortable when Hen asked…?”
“Mm,” Eddie hummed, staying turned away after dumping the bottles into the recycling bin. “A little, yeah.”
“Yeah,” Buck echoed. “Yeah, me too.”
Rolling his eyes towards the ceiling, Eddie took a long, bracing breath, and then slowly turned to face his friend. “So, we’re talking about this, huh?”
Buck had one arm tucked across his body, hand gripping his elbow so tight his knuckles were white. “I’d like to,” he said quietly, glancing at Eddie shyly.
Sighing, Eddie crossed his arms loosely over his chest. “Whatta you wanna know?”
“Well, I have a lot of questions about … your past. Deon. But … what I really want to know?” Buck paused and Eddie nodded for him to continue. Buck puffed out an unsteady exhale. “Would you be interested in sleeping with me?”
“What?” Stunned, Eddie’s eyebrows shot up.
Buck simply stared at him, his lips gently parted, eyes glowing with vulnerability.
Pressing his lips together, Eddie leaned back against the kitchen counter and frowned at Buck. “So, what? You hear I’ve slept with a guy and you think I’m easy or something?”
“What?” Buck looked gobsmacked. “No. Eddie, that doesn’t even track. I just … thought. That maybe … I mean, we’re so close, right? Why not get a little closer?”
Eddie blinked. “You’re serious?”
Silently, Buck nodded.
Shifting uncomfortably, Eddie rolled his head back. “I don’t think it’s a good idea, Buck.”
“Oh,” Buck sighed. “Um. Why, though?”
Turning, Eddie crossed to his fridge and rattled another beer out of the door. Without asking, he lifted one out for Buck as well and slid it across the bench to him. Stalling, Eddie snapped the lid off and took a deep gulp. He didn’t want to share his reasons. He wanted to keep them to himself, before the knowledge split them apart.
But when he didn’t answer, Buck spoke into the silence instead, justifying his proposal. “I only thought, you know … it’s something I’ve wanted for a long time, and I thought, maybe if it’s something you wanted to do again, we could … help each other out.”
“I don’t want that, Buck.” The words slipped from Eddie’s lips before he even registered thinking them.
“Oh.” Buck’s voice grew quieter. “Of course. So, it wasn’t something you liked then?”
Frustration burned at the back of Eddie’s eyes, and he rubbed one temple with his free hand, gripping his bottle in the other. “Buck…”
“Sorry,” Buck muttered, and when Eddie glanced at him, he was staring at his beer, sitting untouched on the counter. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry,” Eddie said, softening instantly. An upset and apologetic Buck could always get under even his very best defences. Gently, he said, “Buck, if this is really something you wanna try, get on Grindr and you can have any man you want.”
Buck gave an unamused huff. His voice was tiny when he replied, “I want you.”
“What?” Eddie peered at him quizzically, a little judgingly. “Why me? Because I’m here?”
The words that slid from Buck’s mouth were ones Eddie had never expected to hear, was sure he wouldn’t have heard if there was less alcohol swimming through their veins. “Because I love you.”
“You what?”
“You heard me.”
Eddie had heard him. The words whirlpooled through his brain, spinning madly, not latching onto anything, not taking root. “Buck, I love you too,” he heard himself say.
Smiling sadly, Buck bowed his head. “Course. I know you do. We’re family. I’ve made this weird.”
“No.” Eddie still could not seem to control the words coming out of his mouth. “I only turned you down because I’m in love with you.”
Buck’s head snapped up again, his eyes widening. Dazzled, he gawped at Eddie, and then astonished words burst from him. “Why would that make you turn me down?!”
“Friends with benefits, with you?” Eddie said, shaking himself firmly into the present. He committed to the words; he had said too much to go back now. “It would break my heart, Buck.”
“Oh,” Buck breathed. “So…?”
Staring at him expectantly, wondering what ‘so’ meant, Eddie gave his head a tiny shake, inviting Buck to say more, hoping his declaration of affection meant the same thing his own had.
Buck moved over to him with slow, deliberate steps. Watching Eddie closely, he reached out one hand and rested it on Eddie’s forearm. Holding his breath, Eddie stood unmoving as Buck’s fingers curled softly around his arm.
Tipping his head slightly, Buck’s tongue darted across his lips and he murmured, “We’re really in love?”
Not knowing how he was still breathing, Eddie whispered, “I am,” and a brilliant grin burst onto Buck’s face.
“Me too,” he said. His fingers came up, touched the arch of Eddie’s jaw. His thumb rested delicately against Eddie’s bottom lip. “I want to kiss you.”
Touching his tongue briefly to Buck’s thumbtip, Eddie replied, “It’s not about sex, is it?”
Buck’s grin turned flirty. “It is a little bit,” he said. “But mostly, no. It’s about you.”
“Us,” Eddie said, and arched away from the counter. Leaning into Buck, he stretched up to kiss him.
Buck met him, eager and incredibly gentle as his lips pressed to Eddie’s. He urged closer, hands moving to pull Eddie against him, holding him with such tenderness it left Eddie reeling. He twisted his fists in Buck’s shirt and opened himself to the kiss.
After long moments, they eased away from one another, and their eyes met. Buck’s hands tightened on Eddie’s body and a mischievous grin touched his mouth. “Sure you’re not interested in sleeping with me?”
Chuckling softly, Eddie tugged gently on Buck’s shirt. “I’m very interested.”
Buck bit his lip, eyes glowing with excitement. “I can’t wait to learn everything you can teach me.”
“It’s not as hard as you’d think,” Eddie replied.
Moving towards him again, Buck’s voice dropped with purposeful meaning. “It’s hard enough.”
Forcing himself not to look down, Eddie beamed even as he gave his head a shake. “You’re such an idiot.”
“A desirable idiot, at least,” Buck grinned. His voice lowered a little, and he said, “Never have I ever, seduced my best friend.”
Glancing down at the bottle still gripped between his fingers, Eddie murmured, “Am I supposed to drink?”
Sliding one hand slowly down Eddie’s belly, Buck’s fingers curled around his belt and he whispered, “Yes.”
Taking one last, hurried mouthful, Eddie plunked his beer down on the counter and followed easily as Buck led the way to the bedroom.
Maybe, he mused, the game hadn’t been such a bad idea after all.